StephL

Yepp - now I promised it mainly to myself in the title - and so I'm going to do it!
Helps me to announce things, makes me feel inconsequential and lazy, if I don't then.
Would be stupid to let it out for a third day after having gained wiiinx and even bonus ToTM after session #1.
This night it's going to be working an my dares again!
And no watching telly before going to bed...



Last night. Well.
I've been watching three episodes of Sherlock with my sick husband, who is meanwhile addicted to the series - same as I am.
Last one was The Hound of Baskerville - and believe it or not, me, who is usually so happy about reporting no classical nightmares - I had a nasty one. Several actually, after the below I had another one with an "unholy" creature.

The first was not directly connected to the episode, it was about aliens hiding in human bodies, and it was hard to discern who is who, and I was hunting them between them hunting me. What was great was that in one scene, I was swimming like a world-champion, faster and faster - and in another I was running after these aliens, hunting, and I was soo fast - was really like in a movie, where somebody is a superhero or something. Could have made me lucid, since I marvelled at my abilities and didn't produce an in-dream explanation, except that it was important to catch them before they would infest the world by breaking out of a research facility. The weird thing was, that I later on dreamt, I would be lying down to sleep, problem still not completely under control, but I did lie down for some reason, to rest. Then I dreamt, I would start getting nightmares and wanted to stop falling asleep, which didn't work. That was not at home, I fought against sleep in a side-room of a lab.
So what I was aware of was sleeping in a dream, believing that waking up would put me back in that side-room. So it wasn't lucidity as such, weird phenomenon...

Then suddenly I knew, I was in my room, and that my husband was in the room next door, and still I fought against sleep.
I got my eyes open, I think, but what I saw was a very threatening darkness with an inexplicably malign presence.
Man I was soo afraid, seriously terrified, I was feeling "sure", there were evil entities hidden in the darkness, viscerally sure.
I was sufficiently awake, that the idea of SP crossed my mind, but it didn't even help against the fear to finally intellectually understand, that it was indeed SP.

So then I tried moving, esp. shouting for my husband - with that I broke it after a little more terrified struggling.
I went to the toilet, and suddenly I thought it frightening, that he would never hear me, he doesn't hear me when I shout full out over in my room, once he's on his re-breather and sleeping.
I was somehow still feeling endangered by the rest of my sleep - reason didn't really help a lot, even when fully awake and in the light.

After calming down a bit - I thought okay - you've been "hoping" for SP when trying to WILD - so go ahead and try that.
I could stand it maybe only one minute. Closing my eyes and letting go brought this menacing "living" darkness back, I almost couldn't take it. And then that blasted Hound turned up - in the series it's a hallucinogen, which enhances imagination which produces the effect, one sees a monster in a real dog etc.
Well - it didn't help to know it was an illusion, that even the inspiration had been such. I put the light back on and wandered about a bit, before daring to lose waking consciousness again - all the while scolding myself for being irrational.
I can only shiver when I think of such an experience on the basis of actually believing in the supernatural, thank goodness I don't.
What a shame, if I were a bit less of a coward, I believe I could indeed have made a re-entry of some sort into that state, maybe because I was somehow still in REM mode.
Na well - as said, this is maximally unusual for me, maybe next time with some practice..?

But, but...

Anyway - nice demonstration that in a sleepy state, reason loses against instinct and with a vengeance.
And also nice demonstration, that knowing that I sleep in some sense, in a nightmare, and actively fighting for wakefulness does propel me into a "body still asleep" in SP. Makes sense.
Last time I had that in such an intensity was almost 20 years ago, trying to wake up from my first adult lucid dream/nightmare - other story. How come I was able to know, I was dreaming, but not in the least thinking about staying and doing something with it? Well - all that I wanted was getting the hell away and out of it as far as possible...