Suena

I better type this up while it's fairly fresh in my mind. I laid down to nap, originally planning on just sleeping, but I don't think I CAN sleep during the day anymore. What I mean is, every time I want to rest or nap during the day, I end up lucid dreaming. And, that's cool, but it kind of sucks that I can't just have some regular sleep. If anyone has any idea about what's up with that, then please PM me or comment.

These lucid naps are pretty much always wake-initiated. I closed my eyes and pushed everything out of my mind. I realized that it was likely I was going to become lucid, so I decided to think of where I wanted to be... somewhere peaceful, like a beach. So I kept pushing thoughts from my mind and kept the beach at bay, so to speak. It seriously took like 10 seconds of keeping a clear mind before the outlines of waves and a beach began to form. At first it was like a little kid's drawing, but it started to become more vivid and three dimensional. However, before it got any color, I noticed fins in the water. D: The scene had been corrupted. (I am terrified of the ocean and sharks are the #1 reason). So, thanks, mind.

So I started to picture somewhere else and unfortunately I ended up at my job. Part of the time I was lucid, and partly not. It was like I kept forgetting that I was lucid, but I could remember that today was my day off, which it is, so I wasn't actually working, but just going around mingling with people. The significant part of this whole napping session was a guy I used to go to school with. I was always a little mean to him because he was kind of arrogant, thought he was hot, and funny, and always hit on me. anyway... I saw him in my dream, and he wasn't speaking to me, the way people who don't like each other don't, and I was lucid, so I just stared at him for a while. And he looked so real, like down to the last freckle, which I wouldn't know about, but there was just so much detail in his face. And he finally made eye contact with me and when he did, I sincerely apologized. I didn't say what for, I just said.. I am sorry and I maintained that eye contact. This DC recognized my sincerity and appeared to be touched. He smiled, but quickly his eyes morphed into demonic black almonds. Which freaked me out, so I woke up. This was like somewhere in the middle of this nap session.

The reason I say session is that I woke up several times. At one point, I literally had one eye open, although I suppose both were actually open, but I was seeing into my actual waking world, and also into the dream world. However, this could have just been an entire dream, but it felt very real, like yes, lucid dreams feel real, but when you're actually awake (at least most of us) you can see the difference, can't you? I can.

I believe I can anyway. I felt exactly like I do now, typing this, but I was also dreaming full on with my other eye. Isn't that crazy! It was also happening with my ears. In my left ear, I could hear my son's rain sound maker and in the other I was listening to people talk in my dream. I don't know. It's crazy.

It's so weird how dream characters are supposed to be simply our own projections, but at the same time, they seem like individuals with their own consciousness. I hate it when I tell a DC that this is all a dream anyway and it doesn't matter, and they look at me like I discovered some super secret and now they're gonna kill me. Anyone else feel that?

Alright. That's that for today.

I don't know what to make of this. I've always said that we're the best interpretations of our own dreams, but this... is beyond my scope.

I'm not sure what this would be classified, or if it matters, but...

The Sun went supernova in my dream. I had a slight warning in my dream and I'm not sure how I found out, but the sun started to become a red tint. Someone or something told me that it was about to explode, and I don't think I was around my sons, but I was around people. I was really scared at first, but I knew I didn't have time to be scared and instead I accepted my fate. I knew we would all burn up and it would be quick, so I just waited for it to happen.

And then it happened and I only remember seeing a red ball with a little + sign next to it, like you would see on a worksheet in school about neurons or something. And I remember seeing my skin become red and then I woke up. I know we all died, but I just... it was crazy.

I even wondered if I was dreaming, and tried to wake up, but I couldn't wake up so I thought it was real and I just let it be. It was a peaceful dream, even as terrifying as it would sound.

Been a long time since I've logged a dream, and this one was worth noting. Any thoughts or interpretations are welcome.. It's always nice to hear what other people think.

I knew it was time for a nap so I shut off the game that has been keeping me up at night and laid down on the couch. Everytime I lay down for a nap during the day I'm always reminded of becoming lucid in my sleep. If I keep it up, I could really get the hang of it.

Anyway, I shut my eyes and it really didn't take long before I felt that occasional buzz in my head (you know, that strange vibration as you're falling asleep, usually when your body is falling faster than you).

At first, and since I was intending to lucid dream, I tried to rush it a bit. The hypnogogia was crazy intense. In fact, I'm not sure if what I"ve had before was even hypnogogia before now. I remember seeing skylines and something else I can't recall. I remember something brief about my video game. I was creating a sim but it was so faded, the picture, that I couldn't see it. I began saying to myself that I was lucid and I was dreaming and it did seem to help, but then I said enhance and it acted like it was going to for a second, but it was too soon. I realized it was too soon and that I needed to ride the hypnogogia out a bit longer before I could dream.

I brought myself back to my waking state for a few minutes.

I sort of scolded myself for letting my mind wander to the game. What a waste.

I closed my eyes again and thankfully, within seconds I got the vibrations back quick.

I tried to be more patient the next time. I started to get that hypnogogia back again but then I started hallucinating voices. I was hearing my son and it sounded like he was getting up. I should've known it was my mind tricking me because I forced myself awake to check and see if he was up. (It can be hard to do this kind of thing with a kid in the house, I'm always afraid I won't hear him and something will happen).

Awake again, I assured myself I would hear him if he really got up and closed my eyes again.

This time, I snapped right back into the vibration/hypnogogia state.

I began my mantra again "I am lucid. I am dreaming" and it started sounding like I was whispering into a microphone. It almost sounded like one of those self improvement mp3s with voice suggestion. I kept repeating my mantra.

Then I started to hear a man's voice. I was going through so many thoughts following this point, so I hope this makes sense.

I was still repeating my words, but his voice cut in and said, "Just give me five minutes of your time." My eyes are watering right now because, I don't know, I felt like someone was truly trying to tell me something.

His voice was old and at first, he sounded like Stephen LaBerge, but then I thought maybe, just maybe, this was God. Finally speaking to me.

Right after he spoke and I realized it might be divine, I got images. I can very scarcely remember them, unfortunately, because at the same time I got the pictures, a Tool song started. It was clear as day. Eyes are watering again.

I was in such shock.

Maynard began to sing. I cannot! For the life! of me! think of what song it was. Maybe it'll come to me later.

The lyrics, of course, were changed though. They were speaking directly to me. He sang maybe two or three verses before I woke up. I heard every word, but I can now only remember two: Regression, and annoying.

I understood it then, and I still feel like I understand it now, but no longer in word form, only the feeling I got from it.

God, I tried so hard to get back there again, but my son DID wake up. And I had gotten too excited that I couldn't fall asleep again.

I remember as the song started that I was thinking, shit, I need to write this down, but I can't leave?! I think that's why I only caught three verses and woke up.

IT was an amazing experience, even as short as it was. This journal entry doesn't even give it justice and I really didn't even want to type it in here, but I felt like I needed to.

From now on, I will take naps during the day as soon as the kid's asleep. If my subconscious is finally going to come forward and talk to me, I need to be there, because I truly am one screwed up little girl in my head...

I downloaded a an app for my new (and first ever) smartphone. The first thing I did when I got it was check out lucid dreaming apps, binaural beats, and things along that nature. I almost downloaded some chakra opening apps but decided to just go with binaural beats for the time being. The free ones are all pretty much samples.

Anyway, I downloaded this app called Brainwaves developed by The Unexplainable Store. I had seen these people somewhere on the web before when searching for binaurals so I figured I'd give their free download a shot. It only came with one ten-minute session of "Calm-Down" which at first I thought kind of sucked, but I tried it and was able to at least meditate for ten minutes (which is something I've been wanting to do regularly for some time now.)

Then I saw that they had an offer to become a member (at seemingly no cost) and they would give you two full downloads for free (unfortunately not of your choice.) So I did and instantly they gave me two more binaurals, "Positive Mindset" and "Remote Viewing".

I read the description about "Remote Viewing" and thought, okay, that sounds fun. So as soon as my son laid down and fell asleep, I laid on the floor, flat and got relaxed with "Calm Down" first before I turned it on.

After ten minutes of just getting peaceful and relaxed, I turned on "Remote Viewing" and focused on the beat. I had just had my usual energy drink (not the ones full of sugar and bullshit) but one like athletes use, lol. So I really wasn't that tired. When I began getting hypnagogia imagery I was surprised because it didn't take long at all.

I did seem to fall asleep, but I was aware the whole time of my state. It was pretty neat. I began getting some strange thoughts and at one point I had a picture before me of two animalistic looking men and they were ripping another man into half whilst chewing and eating his flesh. It wasn't that graphic in visuals but it was in my narrative. In my head, I had spoken and said "Well, we didn't WANT to eat him..." as if we were just following our instincts.

As soon as I said that I was like, wtf was I just thinking?!

Soon after that one had passed I got another and I was driving down this main road in town that's close to my home. Everything was blurry, like it was still hypnagogia, really, and I knew I was probably asleep or something. I went with it and began passing cop cars. The outlines would pop up first, and then my brain just seemed to fill the rest in as each came closer and passed me. My thoughts were, oh shit, they're coming to my house. I was swerving on the road but none were stopping.

I pulled over when I got a chance and parked. I hid and then I decided that I had been driving my mother's pick up truck for some reason. I had filled in that detail last because when I was driving, it was pretty much an outline too.

Another hypnagogic visual that I remember, and it might be the last one was of an alligator man thing that this guy was chasing. It had started swimming out to sea and the guy was telling me we couldn't let it escape. I looked at him and then I said, well, there it goes. I pointed to the sea and the man dived in after it. The alligator quickly swam back under and came back at the man. I woke up.

I did have a dream it seems. My house's roof was all angled like I was in some sort of attic, only it was tiled just like my house is. I remember thinking, hmmm, I don't remember my living room being like this. I had sat there on the couch for a moment, none of the windows were open and I began to ponder my surroundings. I thought, this is home. Before I woke up.

So, I'll have to try again to see if I get the same kind of results. Regardless of the description (something to do with psychic abilities) it does something to the brain. It was definitely interesting. I just wish I could remember everything.

This isn't really a dream but...

I've posted in the rant thread twice already. I feel whiny today.

I had a dream the other night about a friend of mine from a few years ago. We became good friends the first day we met and slowly but surely went our own ways and I guess I'm really sad about it. Like, really sad.

She ended up getting into coke with some other girl we worked with and she knew I wasn't a fan of her habit. I was worried, you know. I feel like since then she cut me off, especially when she became pregnant.

Anyway, on occasion we run into eachother. Probably twice a year it feels like. Usually I say something like hey, how are you, but she usually acts like she just ran into somebody she didn't want to see.

I don't understand why. I loved her (in a very good friend way). It breaks my heart to know that I will never get to hang out with her again.

Today, I walked right past her on my way out of the store. I don't know if she saw me, but I kept my head down because I just sensed that she didn't want to make small talk or get back in touch. Just a feeling I got.

I feel really sad about it.

I don't have any friends like that anymore. I guess it just made me think of how lonely I am....

I had a dream about my teacher again. I don't know why he's stuck in my head. I suppose he is kind of cute.

Anyway, in this dream we had just gotten out of class and as I was leaving he took me aside and started kissing my neck and stuff. Of course, it was very enjoyable, but it felt like it had been going on for a little bit. Like this wasn't the first time. I kept telling him he needed to be careful because we could both get into a lot of trouble, not to mention, he could lose his job.

He really didn't seem to care and kept touching me. Ahhh... thinking about it now... sorta gives me butterflies. I need to stop thinking about how cute my teacher is. If he keeps getting into my dreams I'm afraid it's going to be really weird in class for me the next couple of months.

lol I feel so badddd. I suppose every married woman has a fantasy, right? It's just a matter of not actually trying to make it happen. That would end up very embarrassing, I'm sure. Luckily, I'm not in highschool anymore and I know it's just my own imagination. I don't think this is a bad thing, since I know better than to believe it to come true.

Needless to say, it was a nice dream. I do feel a bit guilty, but hey, I wasn't lucid.... >.> right?

I fell asleep at 4am and dreamed about The Sims and one of my professors. (I'd seen this professor the other day around town and said hi, remembering that spring break is over and I go back tomorrow ). So I had gone back to class and he was trying this new thing. He wanted us to play The Sims and create ourselves or something. A starter house.

I remember thinking, really? I've been playing this game for 12 years and you want us to play the original version. (I really have been playing that long, I just counted it up and Wow, I'm a loser. lol) Anyway, in the dream I was all big-headed and knew I would be the best player there. lol. I realize how silly that sounds, but I was really excited to show my "simmin'" skills.

So I play for a little bit and remember thinking how weird the first game was since I've been playing the third for so long now. So simple and I really might as well go make myself a paper doll house and put on a pretty pink school girl dress.

So I'm sitting at this computer for a while and I'm looking around at other people playing the game. Their screens look different than mine and not in any physical way in how they appeared, but they seemed different, brighter and more new than mine. Still, not in appearance, I guess in my head.

I don't know, dreams are so weird.

Anyway, a few people start getting up and leaving and my professor is telling them goodbye, see ya thursday. I get up and say, wow, is it time to leave already? I start grabbing my things and realize that a few students had stayed and were sitting in a circular group on the floor in the middle of the room. My professor was with them and they had looked at me when I spoke. I saw that the clock on the wall read 5:42, but it wasn't a digital clock or anything so it looked a lot bigger than usual and it's a fuzzy picture, but hey, I knew the time. I realized we still had another 45 minutes of class left.

I asked him if we could go and he said yea, that's fine. I turn to leave but I notice the look on my professor's face. His eyes are bright and he's smiling at me. I stop and say, well, I guess I can hang out with you guys for a bit. I go to join the group and wake up at 6am with my son in his bed, ready to eat some breakfast.

I was actually enjoying the dream. So I was little upset to wake up from it. I really don't know why, it wasn't anything spectacular. Sometimes good dreams don't even seem all that great when you're in them, but when you wake up, you realize you were having a good time.

I need to quit playing The Sims, but they do have an interesting way of working into your dreams. When I was 12 or so my aunt had the game at her house and we didn't have a computer. I'd stay with her for a week or so every now and then and I remember getting really hooked on that game. She'd let me stay up all night and play it.

When I had gone home the next few weeks I kept having dreams about playing. I remember even at 12 that playing in the dream was a lot more fun than in real life. I knew I could do so much more with it in my dream. Interestingly enough, that's around the same time I had my first lucid dream.

When I recall the dreams I had about The Sims back then, I think I might've been lucid in a few of those. Of course, definitely not realizing what it was or how important it would be to me later on in life.

I had been dealing with this dream for some time before I became lucid. There was so much going on, it is hard to pinpoint exactly what was happening. I was running around my house with only a bra and these pants that were decked out in some 80's band name that I cannot remember. There were already people there, but this girl was really short (shorter than me and I'm 5'1). This girl was somehow like our maid, or something. She was really young and about my age. She was just hanging out around the house at the moment, but there were boxes everywhere in the house making it REALLY hard to manuver throughout.

Then suddenly my hubby comes home and me and this girl had been joking and playing, I can't remember what we had done, but I told my husband that "this girl is trying to kill me!" I was joking. The girl was playing along. I'm starting to really wonder who this girl is to me. She seemed like my best friend, but I had never met her before. She was so nice and sincere. Anyway, we were saying our goodbyes and I was extremely sad to see her go. I told her we'd miss her a lot, and she was crying as she was leaving. We hugged for an awkwardly long time and then she left.

Soon, the house started piling with people I didn't know who were celebrating something. There were two guys in the hallway pointing guns at eachother. Mind you, I was not lucid yet, so that made me incredibly nervous. When one guy wasn't looking, I snagged the gun and distracted the other. The guy I had stolen the gun from was chasing me saying "Hey, give that back, I need it." The other guy was also chasing me saying to give him back the gun, lol. Weird0s. I ended up throwing the gun outside and they chased it like dogs.

I went back into my bedroom and the whole arrangement of the bathroom and my bedroom were all different. The bathroom was quite large and the bedroom had a lot of my personal items in it, but it wasn't right. I felt like that girl in the movie "The Labrynth" lol.

That's when I did a reality check, which, surprisingly I always check my hands now. It's so easy to do. That's where the nub check comes in. I looked at my hands and saw a growth of a finger coming out of my thumb, just a little nub. Even though I was done with the reality check I continued to stare at my thumb a few moments longer. I laughed and my hand would shrink and blurr.

So I'm lucid now, and I go back through the house. Yes, again, first thought was sex. (I'M NOT A PERVERT I SWEAR. but being a girl, sometimes, you just aren't completely satisfied in that area... you know what... screw you, I don 't have to explain myself :p) Ahem, sorry. So I continue through this house and the first guy (one of the guys that had the gun earlier) was really hot. I made a gesture to him with my hands and he looked at me disgusted. My first thought was that he was gay and I shrugged and continued on.

I ended up circling around the house, I went out the front door and found my hubby underneath the porch. It was like the whole "cool guys stance" thing at parties, I don't know. I giggled at his coolness in the dream and reminded myself to pay attention to more details. It was so hard though because there was so much I wanted to do. I did pay attention though and saw that it was lightly snowing, and you could barely see it. It looked more like dust.

So I go down the steps and look over and there are about a dozen people out here, the majority of them in blue jock jackets, football players I assumed. Suddenly I felt naughty for preying on these men, but it drove me more. Surely, I figured, there would be one guy there who wants to bang. I walked around the corner of the house and suddenly felt like I was in some kind of fantasy land.

The first thing I remember is that girl from earlier, my friend/maid/dream guide?, but she's not just short anymore, she's miniature and is running away from me. She looked like a little thumbelina and tried not to step on her, haha. She crossed my path and that's where I came to a strange occurence. There were three neon green bunnies (they could've been another fluffy critter) and on top of them lying down was some kind of miniature teletubby creature. They all looked so soft. The teletubby had been startled by my sudden approach and started wimpering, scared. One of the bunnies told the teletubby it was okay and soothed it back to sleep.

Ok.. so after this strange part, I wandered a bit behind the house and there were giant headed dolls. They were all like older women who had once been famous on tv. Oprah was one of them. Her and another one were looking at this new doll's face and they looked disappointed. "Her?" I remember one of them saying, as if the girl wasn't classy enough to join their collection.

So I turn around cause I don't really like what's been happening in that general direction. On my way back I decide to sneak behind these bushes that ran alongside the house. I peeked my head over and just then a football player in red this time passed. He saw me and backtracked. I looked up again and he was in front of me. He had found a little clearing in the bushes and surprised me by sticking his crotch in my face area. (Yes he was tall...) He wasn't that cute, but at least he wanted to. He kind of reminded me of this guy from the X-Files, Krycheck? anyway.

I lead him around back the house again as we look for a place to do it. We get inside the middle bedroom of the house and shut the door behind us. The house is still really cluttered and it's hard to get around, so this took us a few minutes to get here. Finally we were though and I started to take my clothes off. Then I heard a strange sound in the bathroom. I opened the door to the bathroom and didn't see anything so I shut it again. Then I hear it again and this time I recognize it as my son's baby talk. I open the door again and search with my eyes, but I don't see him. That's when I looked behind teh door I had opened. He was standing there crying and afraid.

I picked him up and apologized over and over. I knew I was dreaming, but I felt bad anyway. I can't neglect my dream son, can I? Anyway, his eyes were really red and he was itching them. My first thought was that he got something in his eyes so I rushed out the bathroom to where that guy was standing and waiting. I pushed him aside and grabbed my phone as I headed out the door. Even as I was calling 911 I knew it was a dream and there should be another way to fix it. Emergency services answered but I hung up trying to figure out how I could help him.

That's when I woke up. Like I said there was a LOT going on, so I tried to use detail when I could.

I'm a little confused about this WILD thing, but I think this is my second time doing it. It's not quite like I thought it would be.

Anyway, I laid down on my couch about an hour ago and simply closed my eyes, thinking about lucid dreaming. I tried to keep them closed and not pay attention to what was going on around me. My fiancee had come and sat down beside me for a moment, when he realized I was asleep, he went and turned on his video game. I wasn't sleeping just yet, but I didn't want to be bothered.

Soon I was having strange thoughts that only made sense for a second, and I was getting vague images. I think I noticed I was asleep when I felt my fingers tingling. It was still blackness in front me. I reached my hand up and lightly brushed my face. The sensation was amazingly real. I thought for a moment I was sleepwalking in a way, but I quickly shut that thinking up because usually, when I start to worry about my body making movements in my sleep, I wake up.

The first thing I really remember doing is sitting at my computer and pushing my fingers through one another and my head. It was so weird. It made me start thinking about energy, like, how people feel energy when we're not asleep.

This entire dream I basically explored my house and it was really fun. I live in a trailer, so, you might be able to imagine the layout. We have a really long hallway and fake wood paneling throughout the house. I never went into the kitchen in the dream, but I walked down the long hallway that leads to mine and my fiancee's bedroom, where my son was sleeping.

I suppose in my head I really felt like what I did might affect my awake fiancee and son. So I chose not to go into the bedroom for fear of making him wake me up in real life. When I did get to my bedroom door though, it wasn't there. There was a strange cut out shape of a door, but no door to go through.

I could've still gotten to my bedroom had I went through the bathroom joining the hallway and our room, but I turned around and went into the middle bedroom instead. I was surprised to find it completely empty. There were pieces of yellowish white tape on the wall, in little X's and stuff.

I went back to the living room and my fiancee was laying on the couch. I tried having sex with him. It was normal until I got to his pants. His penis was... like... the size of a baby's penis so I quit because it was disturbing, lol.

I wanted to go outside, but like usual, I had trouble getting there. I didn't want to try the door for some reason. I think I tried going through the ceiling but quickly stopped because I didn't want to wake up.

I had a false awakening. My fiancee was playing his game but everything was dark like it was nighttime. I asked him "Am I still dreaming, baby?" He shook his head. I just kept asking him, "are you sure? I think I'm dreaming. Am I dreaming?" he kept saying no.

I didn't believe him so I looked at my fingers and counted an extra thumb. "You jerk," I said, "I am too."

Just then I noticed the window behind the T.V. (doesn't exist). It was pouring what looked like rain, coming through hard. I got up thinking I should close it. When I got up though it was suddenly snowing inside my house. When I got a close look at the snowflakes, they were tiny music notes. It was so cool. I also saw equations.

This is pretty much all I can remember right now. It didn't last too long, but long enough for me to start getting the hang of my own dream world.

I can't remember too much.

I was walking around a grocery store in nothing but a towel. I heard the name of the store several times but it's nothing I can remember, and it was a really long name for a grocery store. I saw a sign on the wall that said they were hiring. When the manager saw me he was shocked to see me in a towel, but he anxiously walked over to a box where applicants would put their apps. He was asking me if I had applied and I said no. I asked him how many people he was hiring and he told me two. He told me he just needed people to do prep work. I saw that he had already had two apps in so I just shrugged, "I don't really need a job, sorry." I said.

Then I walked around the store some more, but I don't remember much of the detail. I grabbed a fresh onion and started eating it in the store. Nobody cared. On my way out to leave, I recognized the produce boy as this guy I used to work with in fast food. He smiled and I waved. I grabbed a bell pepper and kind of floated over the stand of vegies. The guy checked behind himself real quick to see if the manager had seen me.

The last thing I remember before I woke up, Floyd and Harry, from Dumb and Dumber, were given their shaggy van (with class) back and they were being promoted to MIB by some old lady who seemed really familiar, like she had been in my dream the whole time, I'm not sure.

sigh. how exciting, right?

I had a dream that my hubby and I were packing up boxes (we're getting ready to move in RL) and I went into our bedroom. When I walked by the bathroom I noticed something unusual. I walked inside and the tub was filled up with water. Not only was it filled up with water, but it was like... filled up PAST the line but it wasn't over flowing. It was like looking at water through an invisible tub, if that makes sense. Like glass was surrounding it but it wasn't. As I was staring in wonder at this piece of work, I noticed that I was standing in water. The whole bathroom was now an invisible force holding up water. I pulled the plug out of the tub to let it drain. Then I noticed something else strange. The water was now only water-like on top, on the surface and it was just air below. It's so hard to explain.

Anyway, I stepped out of the water-filled bathroom and ran down the hallway. "T, I think we have a big problem. I let the water out of the tub and now it's flooding our bathroom and bedroom." He ran with me down the hallway. The water was in our bedroom now and we were trying to save our stuff. I picked up my son and told T to get our clothes and stuff together so we could leave and that I would get my son's stuff. He said ok and then we both started to leave the bedroom. T put my son down in the hallway and we stared in horror at the door to the bathroom. There was a strange shadow figure standing behind it. I picked up my son to protect him from whatever it was and T opened the door. There was nothing there but the strange water.

Then I turned suddenly down the hallway and there was something, I think, standing by the baby gate that we keep there. I couldn't look at it directly, like it was in a blind spot. But my first instinct told me it was alien. So without hesitation I ran towards it to attack. ( I always, ALWAYS, approach aliens like this in my dreams.) I remember thinking, oh my god, it's happening, it's just like in my dreams. (stupid.)

I went to kick it down and woke up making a strange sound in my bed, kicking my leg. I was too scared to go back to sleep right away.

After finally convincing myself that it was just a dream, I fell asleep.

I had a long and interesting dream about one my teachers. She's my online teacher and I've only met her once on campus in person, but her name was different and it started with an L. I had been on a stage with this girl that I used to be best friends with in high school. We were goofing around, spinning around on chairs and stuff. I thought we were going to get in trouble but Ms. L was laughing at us like we were her favorite students. We were there for some kind of audition, but we never did anything but spin around on chairs, goofing off. We were selected anyway.

Then we were living on some kind of campus with Ms. L. Ms. L and two other teachers lived in this little area where there were three houses. There was a gate though. I went to visit Ms. L for some reason and rang a bell at the gate. I didn't know which one I had rang because they weren't labeled. I was hoping I'd get lucky though. I waited for a while and kept wondering if I should have come this late. I realized it was like nine at night. Finally I figured nobody was coming and nobody had heard me, but I was thankful they didn't because I didn't want to get in trouble. Before I turn to leave the lady who lived on the right side was checking her mail. She was kind of rude, but I said, you're Ms. (something) right? She was like yea, you should go to bed now.

So I turn to leave and I ran into this kid. (This kid looked like a character in the X-Files episode I watched right before bed.) He wanted me to follow him so I did. He broke through the gate and everything is hazy after that. I remember it feeling like some sort of video game, like we were in a pinball machine. Then he took me into this room and he started throwing knives down at this person on the ground. He wanted to kill the person, but he was just messing with him. I was begging him to just let me out and I swore I wouldn't tell anyone what he was doing. I was trying to act nonchalant about it, like "who cares what you do." but I planned to call the cops if he let me out. I was really freaked out. He just kept throwing down the knives and this poor victim on the floor had knives sticking out of his skin and he was crying and screaming for help. I didn't know what to do.

I woke up.

When my son finally took a nap around noon, I decided to do some reading for my Government class. However, our government is very boring, so I shut my eyes instead.

I'm pretty sure this is the first real WILD I've ever had, because about five minutes after I closed my eyes, I was still staring at blackness but something didn't feel right. I was sleeping, I knew, but I could hear T still playing his video game. Soon people from the game Skyrim started to appear (T's game) and I wanted to have sex, plain and simple. I've never actually gone through the whole process of sex in a dream, so it's something I've wanted to try. In the past, usually the people I try to have sex with disform and it's disturbing. If there are levels of lucidity like some people proclaim, I do believe I was more aware than usual, because I could remember my lucid dreaming goals. I just didn't feel like doing them.

Anyway, these people appeared but I was losing lucidity, everything kept going black when I tried moving around. I thought I woke up maybe two or three times, but I'm still not sure if I was even awake. Each time I would close my eyes again and I'd instantly be back in the dream.

The Skyrim people were gathered in some kind of church doing service. The pews were full of people. I was walking down the aisle thinking to myself about why I was having this kind of dream. I was scoping the place out for a sex partner. I realized that all of the people were old and mostly women. Everyone had turned and got on their knees in the pew, like doing a prayer. I decided to take advantage of a guy that was on the end of a row. I came up behind him and groped him (lol). He seemed to be shocked, I mean, it was church. When he turned around he was ugly, so I said fuck it and abandoned my goal to have sex.

I "woke" up again and quickly shut my eyes. I found myself sitting at my computer playing the Sims 3 (yes, I play the Sims, occasionally.) I wanted to try a different way to control my dream. I figured what better than a computer game. I got up real close to the screen and I seriously tried to do the "Blue's Clues" thing where Blue "scadoos" (we can too!) It didn't work, lol. So I tried to enter the screen directly. I put my hands up to the screen and they slid through. I got my whole body through the computer screen, but it was still like I was sitting at the computer, it was just a more 3D-like view. And I could see in my peripherals (spelling?)

I wanted to try again and crawled back through the screen to my chair. I gave up.

Then this girl I used to go to school with, M, showed up. Her voice was really weird and manly. I didn't know if I was dreaming for a minute so I checked my hands. I kept counting six fingers on each hand. I told M to count her fingers. She did and gave me a horrifying look. I laughed and said hey, it's okay, it just means we're dreaming. She actually believed me, unlike the usual DC people who say that they're not. I told her we could do anything. My kid woke up and started crying. I knew it was a dream so I said, "et's go outside, trust me, it's much better outside." he asked me what a bout the kids. I said my mom was coming over to watch him. I opened my door and my mom came inside. I took M outside and woke up.

So that was my little adventure.

The other night I got a little drunk. Then I got really upset by something someone said. I stayed up all night long, maybe an hour or two of sleep (bad idea). My dreams backfired though when I did get sleep last night. That's not why I'm here though.

When I stayed up, bawling my eyes out for how everything in my life seems to get so fucked up, I was pacing around my kitchen, smoking cigarettes, and every so often I'd pick up a pen and write down something in my notebook about how I was feeling. I just felt like sharing what I wrote. It's not even poetry, and nothing witty or cool. Just felt like t yping them up. Maybe later I'll be able to turn some of them into poems, who knows.

At my deepest and darkest moments, there is no one.

Have I always deserved to cry?

You were always the one who knew me, the only one I let know me. Out of everyone to whom I've been true, it was you, so tell me, do I deserve to cry?

God, why don't you answer me? Have I sinned so completely that I deserve no love?

Have I been so unbound by others, that I'll never make a good mother?

Has it been my choice, my right, my freedom? -- to go home to what I own at night
Or my fate, my path, my life.

I cannot blame you completely, I always fall every so often. And I do not give you as much credit as I do the devil.

When I have no one to call, I call on God,
and when he doesn't answer,
I write poetry.

M a y n a r d.

But I'm going to be selfish and keep that part to myself.

I really don't feel like explaining the entire dream, but there is one part that is bothering me. In the dream, my fiancee's ex-girlfriend came by while he was sleeping. Her hair was purple instead of blonde and she wore a strange hippie/hobo outfit that matched her hair. I didn't even know it was her until she started to leave. She came to the door and was trying to keep her head down while telling me to give 'these' to T. 'These' was a portfolio of paintings she had made and had wanted him to see. I asked her who she was and she just hurried off. Then I realized who it was and called her by name. She turned to look at me, but continued to leave. As I was standing in the doorway, I called T's name to wake him. She protested with a gesture and was gone. I went back inside and hesitated about opening the portfolio. I decided not to and laid it on the counter. I went off to one of the bedrooms. I was talking to someone (my ex I believe) but he actually looked and sounded like my fiancee. He was commenting on what just happened, saying, "that was weird." When I went back into the living room, the portfolio was torn to pieces. My "ex" picked up some pieces and said, "Wow, these are actually really good." I was scared. I hadn't expected my fiance to wake up so soon or what kind of reaction he would make. I wandered down the hallway after hearing his voice. He was talking real muffled and I thought it was him crying for a moment. He was in the bathtub and I peeked it. I felt bad for him and asked if he was okay. He directed all of his anger at me by shouting at me to leave. I began to cry.

Then in the same dream, but much later, one of my REAL ex-boyfriends was trying to hook up with me. I don't know what this was all about, but I wish I hadn't had the dream about my fiancee's ex, those are ALWAYS bad for me. But, I think about my Maynard dream and smile.

No lucidity yet during this break. I have been enjoying my dream time though. I suppose I do have moments of lucidity that I can hardly remember. I just get brief flashbacks randomly throughout the day. I love those feelings.

During these brief spurts of lucidity, sometimes, I am just lying there and everything is beautiful like an acid trip. I smile and my body begins zooming through some sort of portal (you could describe it as). It's such an amazing feeling. I may not be fully lucid and able to prolong and actually do things, but I know I can still do it when I'm ready to start again.

I wish I was like some on here that can become lucid every night, any time they want. Props to you guys and your contributions to this awesome community of dreamers. It's been a year since I've joined and not a day goes by that I don't think about lucid dreaming. Motivation is always there, it's time which is the problem.

I've always been interested in lucid dreaming since my accidental lucid dream when I was 11 or so. It's always been a goal to become better at it. I always felt kind of weird for it though because I didn't know anyone else who was practicing this. So it was an off and on interest throughout my teen years. When I found this forum I was hesitant about joining and posting. I was welcomed with the warmest greetings and made some awesome friends who share a passion for dreaming and all other things expanding consciousness.

I guess this post is really just to shout out to the community. I’m still here and checking in.

To business—here’s a glimpse at my dream life as of late, not any particular order or dated either.

The first dream I want to share here is yet another alien dream. =/

I was living with my two sisters and my sister’s husband. My oldest sister, D---, was asleep in the bedroom with her husband and I had come home late. We were all living in my house, but it was hers. Anyway, it was late and I snuck inside. I went to the bedroom and crouched down behind her bed, smiling. I have no idea why. I began to hear someone at the door and knew it was my other sis, De----, coming home late also. I ran down the hallway to greet her, knowing I’d probably scare her. I went around the corner and ran into her and we laughed. Then I saw something move behind her. It was really small and I feel like if I hadn’t said anything, then nothing would have happened. But I did say something, “Whoa, what was that? Did you see that?” She had no idea what I was talking about. I shh-ed her and turned her around to look. I pointed at something in the dark and suddenly it ran around the room and towards us. It was really short, maybe a foot high but I knew it was alien. I can’t remember any details about it because it was dark, but it was wearing a cloak, and suddenly I find myself thinking about Nibbler from Futurama. It was really scary, though. We freaked and moved forward in the dark to spot it again. It had run around us and was standing to my side. I was so scared I woke myself up.

When I did wake up I woke up gasping for some reason and really freaking scared. My fiancé woke up and had to soothe me for a minute. Alien dreams reallllllly freak me the fuck out. Pardon the language.

After describing that dream I’m having trouble recalling other ones, except for last night’s, which was just weird and uninteresting. The main mission of mine in the dream was to find water, tea, milk which is the usual dream content when I drink (tequila in particular) the night before. And some girl wrecked my strange little car. I didn’t care, I laughed when she did it and then I told her to get me some sweet tea from Sonic. Ha-ha. And that is all for now. Keep dreaming friends.