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    Suena

    Sad rant

    by , 05-01-2012 at 12:19 AM (852 Views)
    This isn't really a dream but...

    I've posted in the rant thread twice already. I feel whiny today.

    I had a dream the other night about a friend of mine from a few years ago. We became good friends the first day we met and slowly but surely went our own ways and I guess I'm really sad about it. Like, really sad.

    She ended up getting into coke with some other girl we worked with and she knew I wasn't a fan of her habit. I was worried, you know. I feel like since then she cut me off, especially when she became pregnant.

    Anyway, on occasion we run into eachother. Probably twice a year it feels like. Usually I say something like hey, how are you, but she usually acts like she just ran into somebody she didn't want to see.

    I don't understand why. I loved her (in a very good friend way). It breaks my heart to know that I will never get to hang out with her again.

    Today, I walked right past her on my way out of the store. I don't know if she saw me, but I kept my head down because I just sensed that she didn't want to make small talk or get back in touch. Just a feeling I got.

    I feel really sad about it.

    I don't have any friends like that anymore. I guess it just made me think of how lonely I am....
    Linkzelda likes this.

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    1. Linkzelda's Avatar
      The feeling of solitude, I've had to deal with that most of my time in High School, even now in college. It's probably just me lacking self-esteem, but being alone most of the time allowed me to think more, and it's helped me become more aware of the people around me.

      Maybe she's going through some rough times herself, and probably doesn't want you to worry about her, who knows? :/ If you see it happen frequently, I believe you should move on, you don't deserve that kind of disrespect, especially if you know that you're respectful to her, there's no use for her to suddenly avoid you like that without a good reason.

      If she wants to go down the path of degrading herself like that with a a harmful substance, I don't think she's worth your time, you want what's best for your child, and you wouldn't want to do something like that to harm her/him. You're thoughtful of the other person, and you just want to see them be healthy and happy.

      Anyway, I'm sorry if I intruded you like this. It's just that I see you're very strong and thoughtful of others, even when going through rough times. You'll be a good mother for your children.
      Suena and EarthInferno like this.
      Updated 05-01-2012 at 01:37 AM by Linkzelda
    2. Suena's Avatar
      Thanks. Just feeling super lonely and depressed right now. I bawled earlier and I don't know exactly the reason. I just know a bunch of feelings came up at once and my chest was heavy and Im just fucking sad. I hate it. It started with seeing her. I just spend way too much time inside my house, not able to go anywhere really to enjoy myself because my son isn't easy to take places. Husband works all day and I just don't feel like I was supposed to be living like this. No family close enough, no real friends that I see and talk to everyday. Nobody I can even really call in the worst of times. I always end up calling my mother but even then I'm very hesitant on. She just... I don't know. Nobody can supply any comfort for me. I don't know what I want. Now I'm rambling. Just FUCKING sad. I don't know.
      Linkzelda and EarthInferno like this.
    3. Linkzelda's Avatar
      Maybe you could hire a babysitter for your son? You know...so you can take a walk somewhere and relax, and just breathe, and just feel like you're alive.

      I'm sorry that you can't find someone reliable for comfort, I'm sort of in the same situation with my father as well. I know he wants what's best for me, but I don't see him as a fatherly figure anymore, it's always me trying to do my best so he won't be disappointed in how I'm doing in college. Even now with exams, I'm worried about failing, even though I know I'm going to pass my classes ( I think).

      I know these words won't help you, but as a DV member, bless your soul. I wish I could help, but even I have to realize what I can and cannot do.
      Suena likes this.
    4. Suena's Avatar
      Thank you. I appreciate your comments either way. It doesn't make me feel so alone. I hate saying that because I love my friends on DV but there's just a hole they can't fill. Internet relationships only go so far.

      Either way, it's totally better than having nobody at all.

      I feel ya with the exams, by the way. so ready for summer.
      Linkzelda and EarthInferno like this.