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[16.09.2020]

Doing something that scares me
I do something that scares me, maybe with a tube shaped object. But then I do it again for some reason, maybe it achieves something, maybe even adrenaline.



[17.09.2020]

Some dream I forgot
There's simply something blurry, maybe with tones of yellow?

---

School actively prevents me from documenting my dreams when I wake up since I can only do that on a laptop. Annoying.

I was seated at a large table together with many of my former classmates. We were eating sandwiches (pistolets). I specifically remember T. Leyssens.

Long dream, but all I got is mostly forgotten one-word notes. I think I kidnapped the double of the headmaster of the school (a woman) and temporarily locked her up in a closet of sorts. I told her I was going to "make her rich" before I closed the closet door. I think I had some kind of scheme planned out that would make use of her physical resemblance to the headmaster to make lots of cash. I went to tell 'the others'. Including my former boss from work (P. Bosmans), who seemed as skeptical as always.

I was at home (apartment, 4th floor), and my mother was there too. A woman 'rings' the doorbell. I see her face on the screen of that doorbell gizmo of which I don't know the English name. Intercom? She looks like a stereotypical hooker. She orders me to let her in. Or else. She pulls out a revolver, and makes it clear that if I don't let her in, she'll break in and hurt us. I get super pissed off, a shot of adrenaline going through me, and tell her "mine's bigger" (I own an AR15 carbine and Remington 870 shotgun). As I walk towards the bedroom to get my artillery, I tell my mother to call the cops. I open the gun locker, and decide to settle for the Glock 19. It takes forever to get the gun ready, as the law requires the weapon to be unloaded, secured with a trigger lock, and ammo stores separately. As I was messing around with the bullets (my fine motor skills were impaired by the adrenaline rush), I felt like I was fully prepared to kill that woman. The idea that it felt so easy kind of scared me. My plan was to open my bedroom window (which is right above the front door), and give her ONE chance to fuck off. If she tried anything, she'd be dead. Luckily, moments before I could put my brash plan into action, I woke up. Still stiff with real-world adrenaline.

I was sitting in a meadow, surrounded by long, green, sweet-smelling grasses.
I closed my eyes, and let the sun kiss my face, feeling completely at peace.
I don't know how long I sat there, with my long hair billowing in the slight breeze.
A thought crossed my mind. "It is better not to be happy. Because the disappointment of another of life's troubles will hit you with a force that takes every hint of happiness away." Those were the exact words.
My eyes snapped open.
A dark cloud was pulling itself across the sun. The wind picked up to insane speeds. My hair whipped itself against my face suddenly, stinging my cheeks. I felt a little wetness where the stingy feelings were. I put my hand up to my face, and there was a perfect, fine line of blood on my hand.

I looked up, about 500 meters away was a train bridge. The fast approaching train was in grave danger. I knew it, yet, I couldn't spot what the danger was yet.
All of a sudden I knew. The ducts of the bridge were shaking vigorously in the middle.
I wanted to scream as loud as I could. Do anything to attempt to stop the train, with all its' passengers, but I know I could not.
A hollow sound came from my mouth. "Ehhh." I bit my fist, and watched in HORROR as the weakened structure of the bridge gave way, and the train started diving head first in the churning water below.
A lovely little girl flew out, her gaze caught my horror-struck one, as she was flying down towards the water. Her brown braids waved in the breeze. She looked so peaceful. Then there was a big bolt of lightening, and she hit the water with a humongous splash.
The train hit milla-seconds after she did. Right in the same place. Animal-like screams filled the air. A pool of blood surfaced on the water.
My stomach churned.
Cart after cart, plunged into the river, with deformed bodies sliding in after them. Pieces of the bridge crashed in after all of it.
It was HELL.
I realized I was screaming now. My voice matched the others. The helpless ones I could not reach.
The little girl. I caught sight of her again. How could she still be alive??? There was a huge cut on the right side of her face, that was gushing blood.
I didn't hesitate anymore. I dived into the wreckage-filled water, and I was under. I opened my eyes for a split second and saw clouds of blood, and little white pieces, which I assumed were bones. I surfaced, with a gasp, and took in as much air as I could. I looked every which way, trying to catch sight of the little girl. I finally caught sight of her. She was clinging to a piece of the bridge, and I was felt adrenaline rush through me. I swam toward her, with long strokes.
As a piece of train came rushing towards her, threatening to knock into her, and kill her, I made a lunge, and grabbed her arm, and yanked. She cried out in pain, but I pulled her into right arm, as the piece of wreckage came thundering by.
"PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND MY NECK!" I yelled, over the noice. "WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LET GO!"
She clung to me, and wrapped her legs around my waist, and I started swimming back.
A big, rusty piece of metal with deadly, sharp pieces like swords sticking out of it, was headed straight for me.
I screamed "HOLD ON!!" and I dove under. A piece of metal struck me in the head, and I heard a crack, and an excruciating pain rushed through my upper body.
I felt myself slipping into unconciousness, and was vaguely aware of powerful arms grabbing me around my waist. "Where's the girl????" I remember, screaming in my head.
Then.. Nothing.

I woke up in my dream. Everything was blurry. A handsome face, that has haunted my memory for months, was above me, stroking my hair gently. Angry tears spilled from my eyes. "This can't be real!" I thought. "He's gone. He left. He's not coming back. He drove away."
He pulled his sleeve into his palm, and dabbed at my tears with a feather touch. "Don't cry, honey", he said.
I swallowed. "You left," I whispered.
Confusion came over his face. "But I was always here. I've been here with you for the last four days. I won't leave you."
He took my hand, and kissed it gently. "I promise," he said.
He started to say something else. I was intrigued. Focusing hard.

There were bolts of lightning/electricity, and I woke up with a jolt.
I was sweating, and my heart was pounding like hell.
I didn't know if I was happy or angry to be awoken from the dream.