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Intensive DEILD attempt 5:

My alarms proved a hassle again, they didn't go off properly. So annoying >_<. I do remember vaguely waking up at one point and rolling around confused though.

I woke up at 2:30 after a pretty sexual dream but I can't recall it, I do know that I was in my bed in the dream though fighting off the urges for PMO I think?

Dream 1 - Exploring a Tomb
I remember walking into a sandstone tomb (imagine a place Indiana Jones would go), though perhaps with some modern attachments such as lights (but really old and powered by old dodgy electrical wiring). I walked down some stairs into a large room the stretched on for a while with a low ceiling. There were lots of sarcophagus' (sarcophagi?) in rows across the rooms, and along the walls were indents with pedestals holding burial urns. In my mind the idea of 'looting' the place like an RPG game occurs to me. I know that sometimes enemies can hide in the sarcophagus' (like mummies) which come out and attack you when you open the lid (ever played Nox?). Other people who are with me seem to be opening the lids a little too hastily, this makes me a little anxious and I decide to head out of the room and get the feeling that some mummies may be about to appear. I heading up the next flight of stairs to where the an Asian guy is sitting on a fold-out chair by the power box for the lights. Suddenly the lights cut out, shit. This is really bad because the people opening the containers downstairs could be in trouble if a mummy appears. The Asian guy isn't aware of the urgency of the situation. I think there's also maybe 2 other companions with me around this point (similar to the 2 who were with me the previous night chasing the Asian woman). One of them had seen 2 of 3 witches standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up at us from behind a wooden pillar that held up the building we were in. They were responsible for the light disappearing. At this time I was next to the Asian guy and was fiddling in my pockets for a little hand held light. He also produced a lighter, igniting a cigarette, the glow illuminating his calm face. I have my hand held light out and turn it on and point it at the power box. I say something to subtly enlighten the Asian guy to the potential direness of the situation "we should quickly get the lights back on, the people downstairs may need it". I think he manages to gets the lights back on, I walk over to by the stairs and look down to see the 2 witches behind the narrow wooden pillar. They're just... Looking at me? Weird. Creepy. I leave back to the power box but as I reach the 3rd witch appears now. Wow, what a beauty! She's floating there with a fur-lined coat, two white streaks that flow back through her black hair. She has a Cruella de Vil 'look' but is stunningly gorgeous and graceful instead of being crazy and ugly. I think I tried to catch her but she teleport away, then I tried jumping over the edge of the railing to get her. I managed to grab her but she swung back and teleported away, disappearing from my grip. I fall to the ground on the floor below and roll. I'm sitting with my legs stretched out in front of me and my hands behind me on the floor holding me up. "Damn, and I didn't even get her number" I say out loud, I feel slick as I say this and let out a *sigh*. I felt like I would see her again. I also felt really slick and smooth like a player or something lol...

Dream 2 - Talking to my Dad (fragment)
It's night at my parents house and I ask my dad if he wants to go to the gym or a surf in the morning. He tells me 'oh yeah sure' and says something about how he usually gets up at 6am. I readily agree that this is fine with me as I'm used to getting up early now (I seem to say this proudly as he usually has the impression that I'm not an early riser ).

Both dreams were pretty nice, the first was quite cool. The second was nice because I'll finally be able to see my family again and I'll probably have that same conversation but in waking life

Went to bed around 10:00pm

11:30 kidnapper in a car garage in our van wants to take my kids - I retaliate, I rescue the kids, I prepare to fight using martial arts which i don't know in real life. I felt sure that I would win. I don't remember dreaming the actual fight - i think the dream ended on my intension to fight and sureness of winning. It felt very empowering. A surprisingly vivid dream for this early in the night. A typical mother protects her kids dream.

"12-30 this us a reas," - at first I assumed that I was not awake enough to make sense while typing. But now given my struggles with typing in the morning, I assume that I just did not double heck the result. It could have been a clear sentence in my mind.

4:00 cannot remember anything and distracted by my husband while trying to recall

26.04.2011

No Big Get-Off (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

*Sexually explicit (though rather clinical, lol. No big get-off to be had here :p)
*Rough draft

Visuals took over my meditation. I wasn’t that tired, this has been happening lately. I want to research this. It kind of feels like falling asleep but sometimes I’m aware of my body and the binaural water sounds I’m listening to as well. Maybe sleep paralysis? I really should read up.

Walking in my home
I used to live with a man here but I broke up with him, I think
I see some items that are colorful, 3 that go together
I'm in the bed we used to sleep in together. I lay around a bit. At one point looking out the large window and the white light barely tinted with blue.

I decide to give head to myself
Wondering if I’d like the taste
The taste wasn’t very obvious; it was fine
I want to try different things
I’m reacting to it and can feel it at the same time
I see my hips lift, but I feel like I'm laying below myself at the same time with my head between my legs, of course. :p
It was pretty clinical. I was figuring out my anatomy and pleasure reactions more than really trying to get off.
Kinda tentative at first
Licking it feels nice but too general
Sucking on my clit is pretty pleasurable I think
Pressing my chin onto it
The general pressure feels very good, like I could eventually cum like that
Hips lifting in reaction to the pleasure I’m giving myself
Pressing hard makes my chin and pubic bone pretty sore, but my clit is happy. I stop the chin method
grazing my teeth against my clit feels like a bit of a stab of pleasure, a bit too intense but a nice “jump start” to be used occasionally
Nibbling my clit with my teeth feels too sharp

A man comes over and we’re going to a concert together, some alternative rock group I used to like pretty well in high school but wasn’t that crazy about

Got into the car with one of the guys who came to my house, we’re driving together. I’m driving, and the other guy has another car. He is a bit surly. We go to the corner convenience store. Something somewhat significant happens inside (with the man at the counter? I was watching through the window?)

I remember I have to get something for the concert, a set of 3 items that pertain to the band. The items are important. One was a kind of book. They were like a key to something and would be recognized (by the band?). The surly guy was annoyed. I brushed his annoyance off.

We had time, there would be an opening band, I imagined and told the guy in my car. He agreed and said something about me being on top of the planning. I questioned that I was, thinking I had procrastinated and that I was lucky there is probably an opening band which I hadn’t taken into account before. I thought that if there wasn’t an opening band we’d be late.

Driving into my old small curved driveway (where I lived in waking life in high school). When entering it I focus on its small entrance and how it is pretty awkward to veer into it but I do. A tree has overgrown but I pull up enough for the guy in the car behind to have easier access to the house's door as well. The tree’s branches come into the window and they’re more solid than I’d thought. They kinda hurt and I wonder about being able to open the door.

I had the 3 items I think, got to the concert, there are different rooms/areas
The concert hasn’t started in the main, larger area. The opening group will play in a smaller room that we go to. There are chain link fences. I sit on the bleachers. I am alone, the man has gone off somewhere and will come back and I think the surly guy left a bit before that.

Old school, old teacher, Claudia and another
Claudia was being strict about the students sitting in rows of two. Katie, a student, kept sitting where she wanted over and over. Claudia kept correcting/directing her. Katie seemed like she was somewhat unconscious of her actions, and also quietly (subconsciously, perhaps) angry and dismissing, like she was telling them to leave her the hell alone silently.

I didn’t have a very good seat. I'm in the section to the side of the area where the students were sitting. The other teacher (Leigh?) called my name as if I was still a student. I knew it was a better seat and she gave me a look like she knew I wasn’t supposed to be grouped with them but she was going to pretend she didn’t and make an exception so I could have a better seat. After a couple moments’ hesitation I stood, picked up my backpack and another item, and went to go sit there. Claudia noticed and said something. The other teacher gave a vague argument about why I should be fine sitting there. Claudia was strict, enforced the rules. Leigh gave me a subtly exasperated look mixed with a c'est la vie look about Claudia. I kinda shrugged and sat back down and felt a little embarrassed in front of the students.

I saw a man I had dream memories of. We had been around each other regularly. He was like Adam (a man who had been a gay porn star I used to be friendly with in waking life. We always had a fun time, joking and being silly and also emotionally and physically affectionate. He had one of those vibrant, open personalities that didn’t seem needy, more just loving. He did little things, like when I was a waitress and had been serving him and his life partner, he poked his head into the back of the restaurant where I was making espressos and handed me the folded-up tip all furtive-like. He whispered matter-of-factly, “thanks for the blowjob.”, turned, and went back to his table. Leaving me cracking up. Very deadpan and playful at the same time, so much fun.) So, this dream character had the spirit of Adam and looked like Ozzy Osbourne (they are a bit similar in looks in some ways in waking life).

I recalled dream memories of being around him daily because of people we were friends with. They seemed rich and extravagant. He and I would peripherally interact in these memories and there was a sadness there too, like we were sad we had a lot of distance between us. When I saw him at the concert, he was guarded emotionally. I initiated talking with him and he was hesitant. I told him I miss seeing him every day. He started to warm up and we linked arms and walked as we talked. He was surprised I missed him, saying “you did?” and I could feel him melting. I reaffirmed that I did. He warmed up a little more and invited me on a skiing trip and started to name-drop a bit about people who would be there (in real life he spent time and was close to famous people and he, or at least they, tended to like to name drop). It felt kinda cold and superficial, but I was excited at the prospect of going at the same time.

Our walking took us down, into what felt like the basement/garage of this amphitheater. He wanted to show it to me.

annoyed at waste, men working

Trenches for planks of wood, band members one of whom was shooting up

I’m outdoors, walking on a long balcony. Men to my left in rooms working on projects (with saws and whatnot…you know, picking up heavy objects and putting them back down) My thumb caught on a round electric saw attached to and hanging over the balcony’s railing. The tooth of the saw was slightly deformed and it was caught on my thumb without scraping much. I carefully extract my thumb so as not to cut myself more and reflect on that. The saw feels like it almost has a hold on it.There is some pain.

Grey’s anatomy short black doctor woman "Nazi" and another familiar but not famous woman had been trying to flag me down before then with some papers she wanted me to sign. I had seen but had been doing some other things. She expressed annoyance. I held my boundaries and stayed good natured.The solid short woman took my thumb; it was bleeding. Her finger came close to touching the cut/scrape like she was fascinated. I pulled it away before she could touch it and was like, don’t touch it! Um, aren’t you like a doctor? She kinda shrugged and looked to the side.

I felt emotionally strong in this dream
Another man (a doctor?) asks me out. I wasn’t expecting him too. I felt comfortable and wanted him to. He was kind of constrained but I understood why.

Cousin, aunt/CJ/Diane Hamilton interruption of me and the man.

At that point I lost the sense of emotional expression balanced with a calm and acceptance stance toward my emotions that held their intensity in check without trying to. I got angry and quiet.

Woke breathing hard, angry…with Charles in Charge theme song going through my mind, lmao. It is still being sung in my mind as I write this. Joy…*crazy face*

Oh, and my thumb still kind of hurts. When I picked up my laptop to write this the pressure and roughness of the cushion exacerbated the pain a bit.