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16.04.2013

Ada and Double Suicide and Ada's and Eva's Polarity (WILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

After using self-hypnosis to get into the lucid dreaming state within 5-10 minutes, along with 5 minute dream-like states that occurred maybe 4 times or so at most (20 minutes of instant lucid dreaming), I know I'm getting better at inducing WILDs just from sitting down on a chair and going through a preset command script I used in an e-book that I practiced for maybe 2-3 months.

My hands and feet were becoming paralyzed, my body felt relaxed, the imagination was wild, and now for the dream.

I'm in an area similar to the image above me, except the environment was 10-20 times larger, and the colors were more dull and gray as well. I didn't mind this since this was my first time inducing a WILD through self-hypnosis, so the environment itself would be redefined later on through my DEILD attempts that worked successfully.

The sky above me were mixed with turquoise and dark gray, and the clouds absorbed the color of it was well. There's a moon there too, but I didn't pay attention to it much, and there were some points in the dream where it just felt like the lighting came out of nowhere. The right of me are the same borders in the image above, except they extended to the chest rather than the waist or mid-thigh region.

They were more metallic than a brick-composition, I noticed that the dark pit was gargantuan, and yet I wasn't as bothered by it than I should have been. Everything felt in control, to some extent, I decided that I would meet the Ada dream character that showed up occasionally in my dream journals. I decided instead of passively acknowledging her, I would just make a dream where I would ask her the point of her existence.

So after absorbing the environment for maybe 1-2 minutes overall, I decided to look forward, and I see someone in a red dress with black hair that's chained to a huge cylindrical column. I had two thoughts at the time.


1. I wanted to have sex with her for some odd reason. Someone completely in a submissive state that had no chance of escape and looked with concern on what I would do. It's like she was putting up a facial expression of "Try Me."

2. I wanted to break the chains off of her and talk to her


I decided to go with the second option since it's kind of pointless having sex in the first place if my intention was to talk to someone. I walk forward, maybe 20-30 feet away from her, then I bend my elbows upwards, but kept them at the same length as the higher regions of my arm, and started to declare passively,

"Isn't it funny that you would be chained like this when you're the one that saves others?"


I get closer to her, and she doesn't really put much effort in responding or even trying to have any kind of ambition to argue with me. I decided to work on the left side (my left side) of the part where she's chained. I don't know what I did, but I broke the chains off with my bare hands.

I step back and let her get used to moving, since I'm sure she was locked up like that for months now, considering after the last scare she gave me, I wondered if she was chained because my subconscious decided to make her a threat from that experience. I didn't think about it too much, and then she started to wrap her arms around me and then she slowly glides me down to the floor.

It's still difficult to recall how it felt, since most of this self-hypnotic induced lucid dream was visuals combined with short pressing sensations in my mind. Her image started to alter between long hair with a different face and short hair with the preset image I had of her from Resident Evil 4 and Resident Evil 6.

After this awkward hug from her, she gets up and decides to rest her elbows on the metal handrail, and she has her feet surprisingly close to the edge from almost falling off the dark pit. I started feeling that she wanted to go inside the darkness, but I eventually stopped speculating on it and realized she's just waiting for me to ask her something.

It takes a while for me to formulate something to talk about, since I'm still trying to solidify the dream state, and it's kind of hard for me to recall exactly what I stated since I decided to put off the recall for about 30 minutes after the self-hypnosis session was over.

I didn't really greet her at all, I mostly just started asking questions to her about a few random things. I decided I should get a little closer to her, but not too close. I don't know why I was afraid to be near her, she didn't really have any kind of negative vibe, I guess that I felt things were a little too easy for me.

So I decided to go near the handrail as well and sat down to place my legs between one of the balusters. I wrapped my right arm around this same baluster, and I braced my face against its cold metallic structure. Most of the sensations were obviously done through pure thought and will, and I continued to hold on tightly to the baluster. I looked down into the darkness, and almost felt like dipping inside the pit as well.

It seemed to me that she was just waiting for me to ask if we would want to jump into the darkness together. Since my recall of what was being said is mediocre, I'll still try to do my best. I continued looking into the darkness, passively acknowledging her with my left peripheral vision, and asked her,


"How can I get you to talk to me more?"


She responds, "Just do more of this and you'll be fine."


I reply,

"Doesn't it feel weird that getting into the dream state is so easy now, when I had such a difficult time inducing for months?"


She states back to my response,

"Well, that's because you had a predisposition that your subconscious was a trickster. It was due to that video you saw of a person explaining how dreams worked, and how the subconscious presumably worked. You saw that using that mindset to make it look as if you're being tested or challeneged motivated you because there was a thrill that would be apparent if you rised to that challenge or test."


I reply,

"But now I know that doesn't have to be the case. It's useless trying to think everything is a challenge when I can just start acknowleding how easy it is when I just set my expectations to be in this dream state."


She replies (or maybe I continued from what I said, I can't remember too well),


"But you know that based on what you learned about your mind, or anyone's mind, it doesn't have to be that way. It's only that way because the subconscious simply does what you desire, even if its a conditioned response you're not aware of. When you start thinking things will be easier, and you keep practicing that it will be that way, there is no conflict. There is no fight or challenge, and you realize you will finally get what you want."

She eventually stops talking for a bit and continues to look at the environment in front of her. I'm not sure if she was just staring at nothing and wanted to fixate at a random point so she could collect her thoughts, or just was enjoying the view of the dull environment. I started to feel slightly cold, but it wasn't too concerning, and then she comes back and asks, as if she knew what I was going to ask to her,


"Are you not grateful for what your mind is giving you?"


I reply,


"Yes, but it's not enough..."


She declares,

"You never really had to do much in your life other than to just work hard and be lucky. But now working hard isn't enough for you because you still need to be able to retain the memory of what you learned more right?"


"Exactly," I replied.


The silence comes back again, and there were a few more things that I probably talked to her about that I don't really want to post here. After a while, I start to realize that after I told her she could trascend that retention of information to reality and have complete access to the confines of my mind, I noticed she was slowly picking up my thoughts while we're both in the dream state.

This felt awkward, having an experience that implied that there was some kind of dichotomy, even though it was all from the same source, except that it was delegated through another projection, which was her. So we started to use less of our mouths and more of of a implied telepathic communication with each other. Eventually, how we discussed with each other didn't matter, there was a mix of actual movement of the dreaming body lips and pure thought.

I noticed my waking life hands here completely "frozen" or they felt like there wasn't any kind of effort being put into them, but that didn't really distract me with the stabilization since I just had to redirect my focus back to the environment. My waking life eyes were completely shut, and it would be physically impossible for me to open them unless I made the command and desire to do so.


So that cleared up my problem with having my eyes open from time to time before in my lucid dreams, thanks to self-hypnosis, it's just a few command cues and into the dream land I go!

I come back to the environment and Ada, and then she asks me,

"Do you want to jump inside the darkness?"

I was still afraid of what was going to happen, and I decided to say nothing and she what she would say next. I realized the environment we were in was completely different from the image above, and was now like this:

"Save me," as she quickly jumps over the handrail and dives into the darkness.

My dream body starts moving on its own, and I held onto the very bottom of the metal baluster from the handrail to place my feet firmly on the side of the edge before it was cut off from the darkness to push myself at a faster rate in hopes to catch.


I started to feel the wind blowing my face, and I quickly see her making a content descent towards the darkness, waiting for me to hold her and be with her to wherever the dark void takes us. I twist my body to the left since she was on the left side, and realized she only said save me to lure me into touching her body.

I wrapped my whole body around her, and at first I felt this was going to be a double suicide since we both probably didn't know what would happen after mindlessly jumping off the edge into the darkenss. In a way, I felt she knew was doing, but because I doubt she had her own intentions, especially since this was all incubated, I had fears that would would die and I would just wake up.


Our bodies started to rotate, which only made the descent faster and more intense, and as the darkenss and the random dark energy rushes through us, we finally hit rock bottom.

But we were perfectly fine, it felt as if there was no gravity in this state, and our bodies immeidately flipped in their normal positions rather than the diving head first position from before. We floated around a bit, and Ada is now wearing her default Resident Evil 6 outfit.

The environment was shifting a lot, between the two background images I showed above, and it felt kind of pointless going through the dive if we were going to be in alternating places. Whatever the reason, I decided not to question it and asked her on her existence in my dreams.

"I'm not really suppose to have a defined set of characteristics, but I am the opposite of Eva."

I started to ask her why, and she states,

"Because you created expectations for her to be a higher aspect of yourself, so if you tried to find her, you would have a difficult time even communicating with that kind of projection from your mind because most of the time, you're not able to sustain a positive attitude for a very long time. And since you have to reach a higher state, it would be difficult for her to come down to your level."

So I asked,

"So if you're the opposite of her, I'm guessing you're easier to communicate...but doesn't that make you feel "degraded"?"

She responds,

"No, it's nothing like that, it may seem like it's like that at first glance, but it goes even deeper than that. You don't have that kind of black and white mindset, you're in the middle, and we both exist to just be representations of your personas. But that doesn't mean I'm evil or that she's good, it's just done to delegate certain abilities so that there isn't a conflict."

"Conflict?" "With what?"


"With yourself."

I felt that trying to be smart would get me nowhere, and I decided that it's best that I should prepare to leave and go back to the waking state again. I told Ada to take care, and slowly went back to the dream entrance, but then I stopped mid-way and realize I wasn't really being too friendly with her. Instead of apologizing, I asked her if it's alright if I left her here.

"We really don't mind because we'll be with you anyway."

I told her farewell, and slowly rise back from the dream state, and it took maybe 3-5 minutes just to get my hand back into bending right.


I never knew self-hypnosis would be so effective if you kept working at it. All those long hours that I thought I wasted has finally coming to an end, and all I have to do is, just like what this fortune cookie said:


"Affirm, visualize it, believe it, and it will actualize itself."


That's what self-hypnosis is really all about, and the moment you realize it, there's nothing to stop you other than yourself.

I'll probably go through a 2-3 hour self-hypnosis session since that one was maybe 1 hour to 90 minutes. I'll plan things I want to do, and just do my best to keep them in mind and have them in reality in the dreams.

It's getting to the point where it's not overactive imagination, but rather just being able to get into the suggestive state that so many people have trouble doing because they just don't remember...it's all in your mind. Enjoy it while it lasts.

My dreams last night where dull. First I got into an arguement with my wife about her getting mad at me for things she thinks I'm thinking. Then that arguements ran off onto my friend as if he was the one it had started with. It wasn't anything to go into, I think the aggression and poor recall was a result of me going to sleep drunk. Instead of writing down these dreams, I wanted to do something different today!
I want to record one of my most meaningful dreams that I can recall. It lasted about two minutes probably, it didn't take long to show me what it wanted to show me. This dream was one of my stepping stones in the practice of LDing, it taught me a phrame of mind in the form of an analogy.

The dream was simply this; I was standing in front of a window. The window was three times my highth, and had quite a marvelous look to it. Stained glass, with red, blue, green, yellow- all shimmering from whatever was behind it. There was nothing to my left, nothing to my right, nothing below me or above me. All there was, was this window. I didn't know exactly what was going on. All I knew at that point was I did not want to be here. Something about this place made me know deep down that I did not want to be standing here any more. But what was I supposed to do? It was a beautiful thing that was stopping me, am I supposed to move past it? The answer was yes, I needed to move past it. I leaped towards the glass surface with a good jump and shattered all the way through it. I wasn't met by a ground on the otherside, but I began to float in the clouds above the ocean. So much open space, so much fresh air. I started flying through the clouds with a sense of freedom. I could still see the window that was locking me in darkness as I turned to look, so I kept flying. It was one of the most beautiful and peaceful moments of my life to be honest. I believe it was my mind teaching me that sometimes the answer to life and dreams is so simple. When there's something keeping you in a place you know you shouldn't be, break it down. You don't see it now, but there's freedom on the other side. It may look like a beautiful thing that's keeping you back, but the other side is of much more importance. This dream has helped me in a lot of my dreams, when I remember that if something isn't working- it's just me not taking the leap. Something jurassic needs to be done in order for me to understand how.

(2009) Old Meditation


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When I was meditating a lot - every day, for at least an hour a day, I had some very surreal experiences. One memorable session occurred while I meditated without music. I had progressed to the place where I could go to a black void and just hear and think nothing. I was able to hold that for quite awhile - THEN - now, not so much.

While in this void, which is very peaceful, by the way, a figure floated toward me. I simply observed it at first because sometimes the brain does send us images, but when you get to a point that you can quiet your mind, you can discern your thoughts. This was not my thought.

The silver man looked like a solid, human form of quick silver. He was quite stunning. I don't know why I knew he was male at that point - I think I noticed his chest was male and lacked breasts - sooo that certainly would give him away.

At some point, I saw myself floating in this void, and I was my golden image. I was floating, like in a pool, on my back. He floated above me, his face looking into my face. His eyes were the same color as his body, as were his lips and every other part of him. He was not translucent like me. He was solid and you could not see 'through' him. He had no male anatomy that I could discern. As he floated above me, I got the sense he was going to do 'something' to me. I became a bit nervous but not enough to leave the meditation. I think I was far too curious, as this was one of my first encounters. I was not able to control him. And I know that sounds weird, but it was similar to a lucid dream, after what I've read in here (as I've not had many lucid dreams) when you can't control your DC. He did his own thing.

He spoke to me but I don't recall now what he said exactly. His voice was deep and definitely male. He also was talking to 'others' and I could not hear them. I never did see these other people(??). But he continued to float above me - sort of in a missionary position, but yet, he never touched me, during this session. He was sort of a sexual being, but I got the sense that he was there for me, but I didn't know what that meant at the time. I was attracted to him. He had a very domineering personality. It was not mean, it was just matter-of-fact and you're going to do this. He faded away, and I came out of my meditation. It would not be the last time I encountered the Silver Man. (kind of reminds me of the Silver Surfer - which was not out then and I never read comics) He visited me a few more times and the visitations became more intense.