• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

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    1. Dream Journal-- Day 1

      by , 09-10-2011 at 02:51 PM
      Ok I have now resolved to write in my dream journal for 5 consecutive days! I think this is a feasible goal. I am definitely motivated to try and start lucid dreaming.

      Dream 1--

      I am with a group of friends, when I decide to head to the bathroom. As I get up, I am instantly in the bathroom walking to the stall all the way at the end on the right. The tiles are light grey and bright and the doors are more grey/white.

      As I reach the door, I realize there are two guys who are messing around with the door. They seem to have tools and are using them in some manner I can't tell. They are talking to each other and having a conversation. No body notices me and I assume I am just a spirit simply watching the interaction occurring.

      Soon, I conclude that they are trying to pull a prank on everyone. As I stand back and watch, I see the two guys open the door to the stall to get to the other side. As they are going, there is a nail sticking out of the door that gets pushed out from the other side.

      This sparks my curiousity and I enter the stall with the two guys. I see a third person squatting down with a screwdriver, pushing it into the empty space where the nail used to be. AFter the nail drops off, he looks through the narrow space.

      Then, I walk back outside the stall and see my frat bro figgy. He starts to explain how people are rigging the bathroom as a prank and he tells me I cant let anyone else know. I'm like ya man don't worry I wont say anything. Just then, I see my high school friend Luis enter the bathroom wearing a red shirt and two black wrist bands that have white text on them. He also has a big jew fro (his usual hairstyle). I am still standing at the other end of the bathroom and there are many people who are all doing some type of labor.

      He comes in and yells at everyone asking if they have seen something of his that he lost. Then he continues to ramble about how he has fixed millions of fridges before. He picks up a long strip of black rubber substance and starts to place it into the open door of a fridge right next to him. I just watch in curiosity to see what he will actually do.

      After a little, I decide I need to use the restroom, so I enter the next stall on my left. I close the door behind me and lookdown at the toilet seat. It has a red cover and a small hole in the middle that is the size of a O. I try to pee in the middle of it anyway.

      Then the door opens behind me, but I continue to pee while trying to push the back of my shoulder into the door so it won't open. I feel the person push back into me, attempting to open the door harder, but then stopping. He then looks into the bathroom, realizes it me and then steps in.

      I am like "dude, what the fuck?" and I notices its Shoener. He starts talking to me about the genius part of the prank he pulled. He changes the text of some URL so that people can't access a webpage or something. It reads something like AP # 4837204984=$

      I can see this blue text floating on a totally white field of vision next to another AP # 4837204984=$ except they are different fonts. As I am caught up in the vision, I hear somebody say "I would like to see that copy and pasted." At this my alarm clock goes off.

      Dream 2--

      I had this dream a while ago but it has stuck with me.

      I am in a pool with my other water polo friends from middle school. We are all wading in the water next to the brick on the edge of the pool. My chin is resting on my hands that are crossed, one over the other on top of these bricks.

      My coach starts throwing out either blue or white caps (as he would do when we would pick teams during scrimmages). He doesn't throw me a cap, but makes me swim laps. I start swimming, trying to complete the laps before the game is over. As I swim, I notice in hindsight I didn't have to breathe at all and I could control my speed simply by thinking about going faster or slower.

      I start swimming as I notice my teammates paying not 10 feet away from me. I am then transported to the other end of the pool where I am now swimming much much faster. As I swim, I look up at the clock and realize there are four hours left in the game, so I probably have time to finish the amount of laps I would have to swim.

      I start to swim exceedingly fast. As I look up I notice parents and spectators really enjoying the game, and this motivates me to swim even faster. I swim at the wall, and turn around and keep swimming. I wake up.
    2. Dream Journal: Therapist in Space, Texas Hold 'em, Extra Therapy

      by , 01-12-2011 at 05:21 PM
      Dream 1-- Therapist in Space

      I start out in my therapist's office. The scene is familiar except strangely dark and there is an extra couch on the left hand side of the room, on which my sister is sitting. It's a big brown leather couch that looks extremely comfortable. My therapist and I are discussing something about depression or inactivity/laziness when my sister interrupt by saying that she wants to watch this movie on this TV. She says it's the most famous scene in all of animated movies. As I watch, I get sucked into the PassObs and become part of the progressing movie.

      The scene is beautiful and large. I'm a robot floating through a gigantic spaceship that contains the luxury comparable to the Titanic. As I am floating forward, I seem to be on a stealth mission that requires me to be quiet by steadily observant. I feel like a spy. As I look forward, I notice the beauty and colors of the scenery around me. There are layers of brown walls that show their depth and distance. The rooms are 50 feet high, creating large spaces for me to easy pass through. There are some pictures on the wall but I try not to notice them, looking straight ahead because I feel like I should be in a state of high alert.

      As I reach the other side of a large room, I enter the 2nd floor by floating to it. There are no doors or staircases because everything can float in this world. I could see all the different floors as if there were supposed to be an elevator but someone had forgotten to install it, so there were just no walls blocking the view of each floor.

      There is a shadow on the ground of a robot floating around the corner. This scares me and forces me to hide because I realize I am a spy robot and will be caught and punished if I am found out. I wake up.

      Dream 2-- Texas Hold 'em (new dreamsign)

      I am sitting a hold'em table opposite the dealer. At first I am not participating in any way, simply watching/observing as if I were watching WSOP on ESPN. There is an announcer for the game of about 5-6 people who is my old high school chaplain, F. Huddle. He is announcing it similar to how the game would be when watching High Stakes Poker on TV.

      The flop comes 2diamonds and a heart, F. Huddle starts talking auctioneer speed about the hands and the possibilities. I can see the hands on the left hand side of the screen so I already know who got the best of it, but I can't talk or move or change my perspective, as if the camera were locked in space. There are a little flow of thoughts running through my mind still. As more cards come, the announcing gets more intense, there are possible flushes on the board and one person has the 2 of diamonds, which would be the worst possible flush to make. The others have hearts and so missed their draw. I don't stay in the dream long enough to witness the winner.

      Dream 3-- Extra Therapy

      This dream has many scenes where I was in a gym and a new therapist would come out and try to talk to me. He would also be smiling with a calm demeanor. I would always be still, unspeaking, just watching and analyzing.

      The last scene is the one I remember with any clarity. P. Gasp (a dreamsign) and I were sitting on the bikes at the gym and our former head of upper school comes in as my last therapist. He is trying to find a place to sit when he decides to sit on the boot of one of the ellipticals, which causes the boot to move when he sits down on it, which I find amusing but don't show the emotion. He starts talking to us about something I can't remember.
    3. Dream Journal: First Grade, Friend's House, Lo on the Phone, Gym with Matt and Girl, Ian driving

      by , 01-07-2011 at 04:59 PM
      Dream 1-- Friend's House

      I am standing in this large house that is unfurnished. It is me, P. Gasp, Teej, D. Chris, Robe, and A.K. we are standing around talking about something. P. is up against a pole talking to D. Chris when me and Robe and Teej walk into another room. The one we were currently in had brown wooden floors, white walls, a large white pole that P. was leaning on.

      As we starting walking into the other room I think about how P. and D. do not speak to eachother often and how they will likely follow us in here shortly. I also thought about how P. would probably decide to walk away first and D. would follow, D. wouldn't even want to walk away because he would just want to talk.

      When we get into the other room. Teej is sitting on a staircase to my right. He is semi-smiling in a reclined position. To my left there are a bunch of people, and I start talking to this girl. The conversation is going really well, and we are flirting. Others are listening to what we are saying, but I am not paying attention. I start talking about how there is a rating system for stories/crimes on a scale of 1-10. You rate your story based on what went down, the more illegal or scary the higher the number. She laughs at that.

      I walk away and then come back. When I turn around there is a large group of people sitting down, guys and girls, but no one is saying anything. As I sit down, I feel totally comfortable and say "what just happened?" then there is a short silence, I am trying to talk to the girls more than anyone. "what would it rate on the scale?" that makes a few people smile. "well if its murder, then that's like the top of the scale, so we can work down from there." This gets the girl I am interested in to laugh. Nice.

      Dream 2-- First Grade

      In this dream, I am back in my first grade but I am normally sized and have all my 19 year old capabilities. it's kind of like Down to Earth with Chris Rock, where everyone SEES him as a rich white guy when he is a really a skinny black guy.

      I am sitting in the desk closest to the door, which I think was my actual desk in first grade. As I look around at my classmates, I see they are all working on some sheet of paper that I don't have in front of me. I don't know what is going on, I look over at my teacher who is hunched over her desk. She is blonde, young looking, but extra mean for some reason. As I continue to just process what is going on, I actually begin to realize the situation for what it is (except for understanding I'm dreaming). I come to the conclusion that no one can tell I am not a first grader, this excites me, and I start to scheme.

      When the teacher walks around to start collecting the assignment, she comes to my desk, which is in a group of four and picks up the ones close to me. Then she looks at me and I say I don't have mine. She gets angry and walks me over to the chalk board. As we are walking, I notice the other kids around me looking at me, one black kid with glasses has to look up to make eye contact with me so I wonder if he can tell I am not a first grader. I get very confused at this point.
      She starts writing something and wants me to write underneath it, but I disobey her orders, I know that I am older and can resist her authority if I want. I am intent on having fun and doing things as a first grader that I normally couldn't do because either I didn't know about it at the time or I was too scared.

      This dream was a lot longer and more complicated, with many scenes. At one point, I entered a bathroom. In another scene I went to get ice cream from the ice cream machine and it made me so happy! I used to get ice cream for lunch almost every day of school, that makes perfect sense!

      Dream 3-- Lo on the PHone

      I am walking down this street in the broad daylight. I am walking alone and I don't know to where, but I am following the side walk I am on. There are stores to my left on the other side of the street, and there is a little shop to my right. The ground is a brick-shade of orange.

      As I walk, I see P. and his girlfriend walking past me without looking at me. P. is dressed in a black suit, white shirt, red tie and hankey, sunglasses, he has his arm around his gf who is wearing a blue dress. As we pass, I look down at the ground and think about how sunglasses is a good idea and I should wear sunglasses as part of my tuxedo. Then I get a call on my phone from Lo. I answer it and she starts saying something, but then her voice starts to cut out, and I assume it is the way I am holding my 4g. I immediately try to change my hand position but it doesn't work and I never hear from her again.

      Dream Frag 1-- GYm with Matt and Girl

      Me, Matt, and a girl who I think is roland's sister are walking to the gym. We are walking together but it feels like Matt and the girl are closer than me and either of them. We walk and talk, and I hold up the conversation mostly. It's easy flowing, no hard feelings or anxiety really. As we walk, we enter this room, almost like a bathroom. Matt and the girl go the the left, and I continue straight slash go right. I am walking kind of toward the stalls. The bathroom is all white.

      Dream 4-- Fucking Sydney

      Don't remember this dream very well, I didn't actually have sex with her. I was watching, like a PassObs movie, Sydney having sex with another guy. The guy, when he cums, cums everywhere in a ridiculous fashion. It's like an explosion that unleashes upon the world, getting everything messy.

      Dream Frag 2-- Ian Driving

      I am in a car that Ian is driving. I am PassObs and simply looking out of the front window, observing the scenery as the car rolls forward. I hear a discussion about Ian as he is driving. There is talk about how he doesn't have money or something.

      Dream frag 3-- Jim Carey Fucks a lot of girls

      This dream was like a PassObs movie with Jim Carrey. The only scene I remember is Jim gets a girl on his bed naked and they are about to do it. As Jim unzips his fly, a HUGE 3ft dick starts to grow out of it. Then he starts having sex with this blonde girl.
    4. Dream Journal: Drying Myself, Book Battle, Fake Dream Guide (Lucid!), Justice Jim Carey, Face Plant

      by , 12-21-2010 at 01:18 AM
      Dream 1 (Fragment)-- Drying Myself

      I am drying my legs off with a white towel. I can see myself dripping water and know that I need to get dry quickly because I am somehow in a living room with my family. They are watching TV and sitting in a couch talking, but I don't look at them or see what's going on, I am really focused on my legs that I am drying off. I have a white bathing suit on. I start thinking about how I was just swimming with the kids in my grade, and this turns me PassObs until I wake up.

      Dream 2-- Book Battle

      I am in the back back seat of a car completely filled with people. I am talking on my cellphone and the car is apparently in the SM parking lot. Stephen Li calls out the name of a book I want to study, and there is a game going on. You have to go over to the person and claim a space to study the book or something, so I know I have to move quick. I try to end the conversation on the phone, but it doesn't end quickly enough. I start to climb over the back seat and thus over people. Eventually I get to the seat behind the passenger and I look over a Stephen who is holding up some science fiction novel. One of my friends had called dibs so I assumed I would still get a spot, but he says that the book is full.

      Dream 3-- Fake Dream Guide (Lucid!)

      I walk into this hotel room and start talking to this fattish guy who is standing up in front of the TV. As we talk, he moves to the other side of the room and sits down on the couch while I stay on the side with the TV. I say in a commanding voice, "I know I am dreaming just like I know 2 plus 2 is 4 and 5 plus 5 is 10 so please be my dream guide." He tells me to sit next to him. I sit down in the chair near where I am and say No, we should talk across the room like this. There is a pause and he says again that I should sit over near him and I say ok, get up and move around the left of a wooden table and sit on the other end of the black couch.

      He asks me what I want to know. I say I want to know how to become a better person. He says "You ned a great enthusiasm..." and continues to segway into this rant about college and how it's a great opportunity to explore. He starts talking about princeton and it's prestige. I tell him "it's funny you should mention princeton because I was talking to a girl tonight who went there, I go to USC" he goes "Oh, fight on", gives the victory sign, and high fives me three times. He changes his position to sit cross-legged on the couch like me and I stop listening to his words. I become PassObs and the dream slowly fades away.

      Dream 4 (Fragment)-- Justice Jim Carey

      Jim Carey is somehow the judge for my court case. I'm the defendant and I don't even know what I'm being tried for. While I'm the defendant, I'm simultaneously the camera that changes location and vision from person to person depending on who is talking.

      Dream 5-- Skateboarding Causes Injuries

      On this green basketball court, I'm with this girl who I think is in a strong relationship with me. We are leaning on some bleachers, facing a tall metal fence that leads into the basketball court. There is a skateboard on the other side of the fence. There is another guy there with black hair, he's white, and about my age, I don't think he's my friend or anything in the dream. He tells my girl to go jump on the board and ride. She starts to walk over but I try to dissuade her by saying "I had to quit skateboarding because it's really dangerous, please don't go. You don't have to do this." She says she's going to go. I see her walk toward the board and my vision turns black.

      When I open my eyes, I am on the side of the bed of the guy who we were with. He is asleep in his bed and his face is bloodied to hell. His whole cheek is swollen and some teeth are missing. I start to think about what is going on as he wakes up and gets out of bed. His whole pillow is covered in blood and it looks like he had fucked up on the skateboard, ran home, and instead of going to the hospital just went to bed because he was embarrassed or something that I had given all those warning and he had still hurt himself. He starts groaning in pain, and the next thing I know, I am the camera looking straight at a white door in a house. There is a wooden floor and white walls, the door is at the end of this hallway with a the hallway continuing to the left. The door opens and the guy's mom is helping him walk down the hallway toward me and I assume they are walking to the hospital.
    5. Dream Journal: Improv Troupe, A Summer Night, , Escape from William's

      by , 12-21-2010 at 12:57 AM
      Dream 1-- Tryouts for Commedus Reloaded

      I am trying out for the improv troupe at my school. We are in what seems to be a normal house, when one of the members of the troupe asks me if I want to go outside to play basketball. When we get outside, it is really bright, there is concrete group and I see the orange basketball on the side. I say something like I'm not warmed up yet and he says its okay anyway. We sit at a table instead of playing basketball, he put sdown a clipboard in front of him and starts asking me questions like he wants to get to know me. He is sitting really relaxed and I just answer as if it were a normal Q&A session.

      Suddenly, I am sitting at another table in the same seat and there is a guy standing up and asking me questions. He is imposing on my personal space by getting in really close and he seems to be mean. He asks me about my education. He's like how did you like SM? I say it was a really good learning opportunity. Then he asks what would happen if I got on the troupe but then ended up working in a zoo and couldn't come to some of the meetings, how would I not miss the practices by working there. I get really confused by the questions, not thinking at all that it could be a trick to test my skills. I have nothing really to say except "I wouldn't miss it". and the guy responds "how do you know?".

      I am transported again and I am sitting across from one of the other members. We have this ball that we pass back and forth. He asks me why I think I am qualified to take this job, and I give a boring answer, and then ask a really mundane question but the whole time I think I'm doing really well, I don't understand that this is a game or a test. I see others playing the game and realize how wrong I am. One guy gives this elaborate hypothetical about "so you are driving Africa...." and then he makes a funny gesture combination that makes it looks like he made Africa into a bong and that he is smoking it.

      This leads to another member of the troupe coming up to me and telling me that I should check out the cinema club gathering and he hands me a bong. Everyone leaves, as in disappears, and I start to smoke alone. I load 3 bowls from this grinder filled to the brim with bud. I start to reflect on what just happened as I pace back and forth. Soon, I start to get super anxious from my thoughts about how badly I did on the tryouts. Then I realize that smoking makes me hyper-anxious and so I start freaking out that I just gave myself anxiety, which builds further anxiety, and I start having a really bad trip. I decide I can't smoke anymore and put down the bong as another guy walks into the room. He walks past me without saying anything, even though I realize I am not wearing a shirt at this point. I look down a hallway and see another guy who is just sitting in a chair minding his own business. I go extremely PassObs and wake up.

      Dream 2-- Summer Vacation's Night

      I'm in some tropical place, must be a summer vacation, it's night time and I'm walking down this sidewalk alone. It's on the outside of these nice hotels and just follows the shoreline. As I walk, I meet this guy and his girlfriend Molly. They are with this big bulky guy and his white/brown dog. We start walking along the sidewalk, presumably to get food before I go to sleep. The dog runs into this open gate as we pass it. Inside the gate are people playing and there is a pool.

      I run into the gate following after the dog, and see him run around for a little bit and then just jump straight into the pool. The dog can't swim, so once it hits the pool, I see it just slowly sink down into the bottom without moving. I am paralyzed by what I just saw. I feel sad and anxious but I have no motivation to do anything, I wait for the owners of the dog to jump in. With that thought I see Molly's boyfriend jump in first on my left and then I get knocked to the other end of the pool by the force of the guy behind me jumping in as well. It was like he jumped in through me, but colliding with me made me float to the other side of the pool. I didn't even notice I just broke the laws of physics because I was so preoccupied thinking about the dog.

      The guy brings the dog to the surface and slowly swims him back to land. As he's swimming, Molly is giving him shit from the shore saying like "keep the dog's head above the water!! lol" "You're going to kill the dog" " the dog will die lol". He brings the dog out and gives it CPR. It comes back to life. We walk a little ways and enter through these two big doors into a huge lounge area. Thereare a bunch of white chairs filled with people who are talking and eating. We find four free ones and sit. I apparently don't want anything to eat and the people next to me suddenly have hot dogs that they are munching on.

      I start to reflect on what just happened. I decide it's time for me to go to sleep so I say bye Molly to the guy, who brushes his hair back and goes "What? (kind of offended) bye..." I walk back out through the door and then suddenly it occurs to me that the whole previous sequence of events was predicted in another dream I had and that I should have noticed the signs and woken up in the dream! I think at this point I am awake and that I had just come from a dream!!

      I start talking to myself as if I am awake saying that I should've taken the initiative and jumped in that I'm passive and need to take more action. As I walk, I see two girls on a towel. One of them has hair legs and is trying to do a single pushup but fails and then collapses on the ground and flips over to her back. I keep walking past a hot girl whose chair is halfway submerged in water. I want to talk to her but decide not to. I walk by and act like I don't notice. She has a friend who is watching from a nearby tree. This friend tells the girl in the chair "you have to wait without waiting and expect without expecting". Something out of don Juan lol....

      I keep walking and see a large group of trees being swept across the shore by a heavy current. It looks as if I am in a video game and the background filled with trees is moving past from right to left really quickly. I get upset at first but then remember that all trees were born from Earth and just degenerate into the earth again, there is a whole rejuvenating process of life.

      Dream 3 (Fragment)-- Escape from William's

      I am in this large mansion and it is night time. There is a large panic throughout the house, and we all rush into the kitchen. There is hardwood floors and hardwood cabinets. Kelly and I open a cabinet that leads to a secret pathway that we somehow know the location of and then we start to climb through.

      I think I knew that the pathway was there because when I was in the other room I could see through walls and could tell that there was a tunnel that ran from a particular cabinet in the kitchen to outside.
    6. Dream Journal: Ali G. Interview

      by , 12-15-2010 at 06:15 PM
      Last night was filled with dreams, but I had really bad recall. It's interesting how this process seems to go in cycles and phases. This is the only dream that really stood out.

      Dream 1-- Ali G. Interview

      Walking into my sister's room, I see her on a mattress that has a white sheet covering it and is directly on the floor. Her room doesn't seem abnormal, but the layout is totally different. The mattress is set up directly in front of a T.V. that is the same one she actually has in her room. On the mattress it looks like she is talking into the T.V., and I walk over and lay on the mattress. The next sequence of events is rather blurry in my mind and I don't know if this is the definite chronology, but.. I look up at the T.V. and see that we can see ourselves in the screen. I don't go PassObs, which is a first, but I start getting excited how we are on camera.

      My mind starts to wander at this point and I think about Ali G. for some reason. In my head, I see him on a catwalk with a bowl cut and a little mustache. He is wearing an all black shiny leather jacket with a zipper down the middle and the same color pants. He is walking straight, then turns to the audience and then continues to walk. I am kind of in awe of him because he can change his style so many times but people know who he is (or at least they know his fame). He can do whatever he wants and not be considered weird.

      Then, somehow the whole mattress, T.V. and sister set up have switched over to my room, but every piece of furniture in my room is gone except for the mattress and a chair. Ali G. walks through the door as we are expecting to interview him for the show. I notice that he has the same obscure hairstyle as before, and also take note of the fact that it's 10 minutes before the start of the interview. I decide that I have time to talk to him a little bit and see what he is like.

      He walks over and sits down on the chair. I say Hello Ali G. and he says hi. There is some conversation I can't remember, but then I say "I think Ali G. is the funniest movie ever." He isn't even looking at me when I say this comment, but when I utter it I see his eyebrows furrow in some sort of anger or disappointment, and I get completely PassObs. I feel like I just lied for no reason because I really didn't think that Ali G was the funniest of his movies, I was just saying it for some random reason. At this, I totally freeze up and start to regret that we are about to be on camera with him.

      At the start of the interview, however, my sister does this slow motion punching combo with exaggerated sounds effects where she uppercuts me twice and then hits me in the face. I take this as a sign that she doesn't want me to be in the interview anymore so I act like the fake punches has killed me by exaggerating my reaction to them. Then I just lay on the ground beside the mattress until the interview is over. I go into PassObs thinking about how I fucked up and whether I should get up and whether my sister actually punched me like she did intentionally so that I would not be a part of the interview. I can't figure out these problems.

      When I get up from this, it's night time and I am standing outside her room. We are talking about going to dinner but I am acting very distant, not looking at her and saying that I think I will stay in the house.

      This dream, to me, suggests a lot of things about my personality. First, I like to exaggerate the importance of other people and downplay my own self-worth. Ali G. could potentially represent any person because I believe them all to be celebrities without any imperfections and with a much cooler life than me. I try to talk to them by lying and complimenting them on things that I don't genuinely believe to be true so they will like me, but this ingenuity, as my dream points out, actually pushes people away from me. What's worse is that I can discern my own deceit and then become obsessive about it, as if it's some sort of morality play and I just committed the greatest sin of the modern era. Now that I think I'm worthless, my sister aids in that feeling by fake punching me in a way that suggests to me that she wants me not to be a part of the interview. Because of my shitty feelings, I accept my own interpretation of not being good enough, take the blows willingly and even knock myself out so that I don't have to be a part of the interview. In this scenario, even if I had messed up socially, why would I miss the opportunity to interview Ali G just because I said something wrong and my sister didn't want me to? I think this dream, like many others, are showing me how I'm potentially controlled by the desires of other people when I mentally believe I am worthless. Why would I follow my gut if it leads me down the wrong path...? At least that's the logic of this inferior me.

      Many of my dreams seem to be sending much stronger messages to me now either because I'm being more receptive or because I'm reading this book on symbols in dreams and archetypes. Either way, I'm really happy that I'm getting this information, but something I need to work on is implementing the advice of my subconscious and paying attention to when these things occur in the present!
      Tags: ds: passobs
    7. Dream Journal: Ninjitsu, Mall Porn

      by , 12-14-2010 at 06:58 PM
      Dream 1-- Last Day of Ninjitsu

      So I am in some random location, talking to my friend, who is a disembodied voice. He is telling me that I need to come to crew because we are going to be racing. I have this feeling like I've missed crew for a whole week and that I'm nervous going back because the coach will yell at me. I find myself walking to crew in an underground tunnel filled with rocks. It seems like a huge pipe with an opening a little bit in the distance that has bright rays of sunshine pouring through.

      Suddenly, I am walking into the second floor of this building that looks like a dojo or gymnastics center. There are blue mats on the ground and trampolines in the dark background. It's day time, and a woman approaches me and tells me to sit down with the others. I sit down and see Z. Cobb and D. Gillette sitting down, who were on the crew team but not ninjitsu. They are all wearing their black gis and I realize that I don't have one on, but I hope that no one will notice. There isn't any talking, noise, or visuals for a while. Things begin to happen in a blur. There is a large square of wood planks on the ground that seem to indicate the outline of a fighting arena.

      Two at a time, guys square off against each other, but they never fight. I suddenly realize I am going last and that I have time to go and get my gi. I build up the courage to leave because I was unsure what course of action I should take, and I finally head out. I see sensei on my way out who asks where am I going, and I don't say anything but go out the door, which has one of those push paddings that unlock the door.

      I don't need to use an elevator, when I get on the other side of the door, the next thing I remember is being outside in the bright outdoors. I am on a sidewalk next to a busy street with cars parallel parked in front of me. As I start walking to my car, sensei appears and starts talking to me. He starts to explain how ridiculous it is that I don't have my gi and how I shouldn't have left class 10 minutes before the end of the last class to get it. I start to defend myself by saying I wanted to wear it because its important and he refutes that it doesn't matter whether you wear the gi or not. At this I get really angry, shout "THATS WHAT I WAS SAYING" and walk a little bit away from him and then walk back. I notice that he is just relaxedly leaning against the wall with a half-grin on his face and his arms crossed.

      I lean against the wall next to him and calm down and say "I'm sorry, it's just that if the gi doesn't matter..." and he replies that in "10 minutes you will be named the number 1 ninja of the class and you forgot your gi, what does say that about you?" I think about it, and turn PassObs. The dreams ends

      This dream seems like the most blatant symbolism from my mind that I've experienced in a while. Obviously, I have projected some of the problems with crew onto ninjitsu and have created a similar situation in my head that is destroying some of my motivation. I am noticing an increasing trend of anger appearing in my dreams, which means that it is no longer being stored up inside and repressed, but that I still have to find a way to express my anger in real life. The most interesting way my dreams work is that the message seems to come across on a particularly succinct verbal level that almost clearly gives away the meaning. When my sensei says I'm going to be #1 ninja of the class, that makes me really happy. That's my goal and my ambition. But there is also the qualifying statement that I am obviously not very dedicated and organized in my life surrounding the practice. Although I have the skills and talent to perform well in ninjitsu itself, I lack the life skills necessary to function appropriately outside of it. Also, if I were truly motivated I would be the most professional possible. I wouldn't need to think twice about having my gi because being#1 would be so important to me that I wouldn't even dream of not having it! I contend that this little bit demonstrates how although being #1 is my ultimate goal I don't want to express it to anyone and even work to self-sabotage because I feel that I am not good enough to achieve it. I mean I achieved it in my dream and in real life even, but my mind is really bashing me saying I don't deserve it because either I'm not trying hard enough in real life for me to consciously agree that I'm dedicated or that I have a secret desire to let someone else have it. Either way, I am opposing myself and that's a huge problem.

      Dream 2-- Mall Hentai

      So I am in a mall, walking around. I see this white door with a silver handle and I decide to open it. Somehow before I even open the door, I teleport to the other side (my dream robs me of the ability to RC damnit!) and I am in this bedroom. I am looking at a bed, a messy room, and a computer in the left corner of the room. On the bed is a girl sleeping under the covers and a guy who looks like he is also sleeping. I look at the floor, and I see every pair of shoes that I own along with some random clothes strewn about. As I look from shoe to shoe, the one with my attention seems to have a glow of white light surrounding it and the sound of a specific tune plays. Each pair has a different genre of music depending on the type of shoe. I look up at the computer, and suddenly I am totally engrossed looking at the screen.

      Even though I am still standing where I am, I have the visual of the computer monitor, and what's on the computer is surprisingly the exact scene that I am looking at! It has the bed, clothes and shoes, and me in the room. I go to the settings and change the settings of the bed. There is one box called level and I type in "6" with the quotes, which makes the bed turn invisible, so the characters of floating. Somehow I had done this in a previous dream without knowing exactly what I did, apparently I used a computer program.

      As I come back into my dream body, I see that the girl is still under the covers, while the guy is face down in mid air, humping the air butt naked. They are frozen in space, and I just observe for two seconds before they start to move again and the bed reappears. The guy turns around and jizzes everywhere, and the girl wakes up and goes "aww come on not again." Suddenly, I am horny and a character version of me jumps forward from the left side of my peripheral vision onto the bed. My cartoon self starts having sex with the girl while the girl starts sucking off the guy. I'm just this random unmoving camera that can see this cartoon sex taking place and it's super weird. I wake up (thank god)
    8. Dream Journal: Counter-Strike, Winning a Prize, Women Want Everything, Gendason's Magic Trick

      by , 12-13-2010 at 05:51 PM
      Dream 1-- CNN Reports Counter-Strike Cheaters

      This dream starts out with me and my cousin talking about Counter-Strike. I am on a computer waiting for the game to load, and we are discussing how the game play has changed. Although he is talking to me, this is an instance of where I cannot see him. He is essentially a disembodied voice. He is explaining to me how there was a massive upsurge of people cheating on the game, so they decided to put video of the cheaters on the news every night when they found new ones. I thought that was really clever, and actually enjoyed playing the game.

      I went into Video Game mode, where I was actually the character in the game for a while and played on this level where there are metal buildings. The roofs were rusted orange in patches over silver that was in a squiggly fashion. The ground was silver concrete, with some wetness (puddles). I think I was a counter-terrorist because my character had a black glove on and my usual pistol was a USP.

      I play many rounds, killing people and having fun, but as I am playing I act like I am cheating. This is something I used to do in real life when I played, I would shake my screen (which is what observers see your screen doing when you use an AIMbot), I would toggle my mouse, I would spin, I would quick switch like 25 times after killing someone. All of these things would make people believe I was cheating after I killed them, which would boost my ego because I felt that I had so much skill that people would suspect of hacking! The real truth was that I basically gave them all the evidence to support that claim even though I wasn't doing very well at all.

      In this dream, I am the character. In one round, I am on the roof of one building looking down. I see an enemy, quick switch to my pistol and then toggle my mouse to his head and head shot him. It was kind of a lucky shot given the distance, but I felt pretty proud of it actually. After he dies, I jump down from the roof and bunny hop (which is a disabled function in most CS maps) for about 4 jumps. The next round starts and I am walking along a metal fence. I see an enemy and pop him once in the face. His head explodes and I quick switch my weapons like 25 times in extremely fast fashion.

      Once I'm done with the game, I am suddenly sitting to the right of a TV that looks like it's in my grandparent's house in their living room. This might make sense because my cousin used to live with my grandparents. As I am watching, the news comes on and CNN starts playing the replay of my entire session online! They show the game from my point of view, how my crosshairs would toggle before shooting someone, how I did bunny hops, and how I quick switched after killing someone so it looked like I was 'modding.' All of the evidence seemed pretty stacked against me actually, I would have been convinced had it been another person. I thought the whole thing was kind of ridiculous (funny and I was on TV for acting like a cheater really well), so I texted my cousin like "Wow they really do post it on the news haha I got busted."

      Then I look back up at the TV and the news story has changed. The camera looks like it's in a helicopter flying over this large building over the sea. It pans to the right, and there is another helicopter right there with two guys in it. All of a sudden, I go PassObs and I become the camera, who zooms in on each of their faces. I see that I don't recognize either of them but they are both really happy. One guy is leaning out of the side window and the other guy is standing up through the sun roof of his helicopter. They are both white, one guy has black curly hair, and the other guy has brownish hair and he is wearing a white necklace. Somehow I think that they relate to a prize I won earlier in the dreams I had last night, which I can't remember what the prize was. I think about them and then I think about social situations in general. I come to the conclusion in my dream that to make friends the majority of the work is to make them like you, while liking them is not as important. That's a stupid conclusion lol.

      Dream 2-- Winning a Prize to Meet with Brian

      So in this dream I apparently wrote this paper about 5 facts of life. They were really on point and delved into some deeper truths concerning existence, but I'm so mad because they are on the fringe of my recollection and I can't fully remember them. Anyway, after writing this paper, I am well-renowned around the world, and I get a special prize, which involves me getting to meet the producer for Radio Disney. I had been working for Radio Disney for 5 years anyway so meeting with him was no big deal.

      The big deal in my dream, however, was that we met in the Science building of my high school. We were in the main lobby, and he is standing up against a wall that has some posters, and a huge white board that he starts to draw on with a black marker. We talk about stuff, nothing important, and then I ask him who else is on this project with him. He starts to draw the names of everyone, and I recognize the name of the guy from Superbad, Jonah Hill, and then he gets to the end, and in the bottom right corner he writes "Kyle" in green letters (like Kyle from south park with his green hat) and then draws a line that needs to nowhere which is also in green.

      My position relative to his changes in an instant, and now he is standing behind a wall of posters in the same location as before but there is no white board. I see this image of what is titled "Pascal's triangles" but it isn't the mathematical triangle that I would expect, it actually consists of these triangle intermingled inside these two human bodies. They make an interesting pattern and I think I can recall it, but the way it was drawn in the poster is actually unrealistic and unimportant in my opinion.

      Anyway, I'm pissed I can't remember the prize that I won and the wisdom that I shared!!

      Dream 3 (Fragment)-- Shopping Mall Realization

      I am in the middle of this department store, which is loaded with females. There are white counters with workers behind them selling make up and various products. I can see all the products lining the counters right beside mirrors and lights. I also see aisles upon aisles of products for a woman to choose from. There are tall shelves that are stocked to the brim with various things from shampoo to eye liner and everything. As I am staring at all of this, I start thinking about why a woman would come here and why she would spend here money. Suddenly, I realize that women have no clue what they want. In fact, they go from moment to moment and make decisions mostly based on their emotions in the present, without using much logic at all. Their logic kicks in after the fact when they try to backwards rationalize their actions. This is why women want everything and nothing all at the same time. There is no way to predict, materially, what will make a woman happy or satisfied, and even if you get it right once, that same thing will in no way be guaranteed to work again in the future because her mood will change or the gesture itself will be less significant. Indeed, it seems that the 'meta' aspect of material goods truly satisfies the woman. If you give her earrings everyday, the first day she will be ecstatic and then her enthusiasm will slowly wane. If you give a man a massage everyday, he will pretty much be content with that reward forever. The 'meta' of the gifts are what the gesture represents and that the material goods in general represent. When women go out and buy expensive clothes and make up, they are looking to stand out and attract men. A man wouldn't normally walk outside in the frigid cold in a only a tight dress and high heels because it's fucking cold. A woman, however, might bear to stand it because of any number of reasons ranging from the extra attention she gets to only being seen in a positive light (girls are super uptight about reputation). This realization was pretty significant and it got me thinking about how being in a relationship with a girl might be easier than I thought. It's not so much about the material aspect, the physical aspect, or the words spoken or anything. It's the thought, the relationship as a whole, and the meaning behind actions! So, instead of focusing on the right words to say or something, it's more about what emotion am I trying to convey, how do I express this in terms of our relationship...

      Maybe I'm totally wrong, my dreams aren't 100% reliable. What do other people think on this issue?

      Dream 4-- Gendason's Magic Trick

      I am in some random courtyard with Gendason, my college counselor, and a whole bunch of other students. We are talking about college. We are outside surrounded by white buildings. We are standing on top of concrete with some puddles around (what is up with concrete and puddles in my dreams?) and the sky is blue and the clouds are grey, making shadows rather than sunshine. As we talk, Gendason suddenly says Congratulations, and then, as if out of the sky, a whole barrage of booths and vendors appear.

      To my immediate left, there is a woman selling necklaces and bracelets, which look pretty nice. Three people come to where I am and start talking to the vendor. This one girl shows interest, and the vendor asks her to put her address down on a sheet of paper, and the girl is like well where I live is temporary for the moment. and the vendor is like that's ok, write it down anyway. And the girl is like well I'm about to move and the vendor gets this really skeptical look on her face.

      I walk away to another booth. I walk around see nothing of interest until I walk up to this booth where there is a laminated packet speaking about the truth of god. In the first paragraph, there is an underlined word, enermette, and I ask this black guy behind the counter what it means. He gives me some answer, and I respond with "wait, intermittent... inter means between and mittent means coming to send or go", when I say this Alec, a classmate, laughs and I look over at him. The black guy says "no it's a different word" but I don't want to discuss the topic any further, I just assume I am right and walk away (Clearly pointing out a character flaw). I look at this food shop where there is bags of popcorn on the poles holding up the tent, and the vendors are making lemonade and hot dogs and everything. As I look up I see this huge sign with a list of all the prices for everything, and I'm thinking that's bullshit that Gendason would give us all this just so we have to pay to eat! This sends me into PassObs and the dream fades away.
    9. Dream Journal: Airplane, Fish City Grill, Dying Cat, Master of Consciousness, Apartment Party

      by , 12-11-2010 at 05:33 PM
      Dream 1-- Airplane theater

      In an airplane with mom. We sit down in a very large craft, I think I am in an aisle seat. After a short while, I start walking around to see what is going on in the plane. As I turn a corner, the plane turns into movie theater and I am walking towards this giant screen in an open area. There is a U shape of seats surrounding the screen, but the seats look like the ones present in the gate when you wait for a plane. There are various people scattered around in the seats and they all seem preoccupied. None of them are looking at me, but I am looking around at them a little bit. I notice the ground is grey and there are windows out to the left of where I am walking. As I walk away from the movie screen, I see my mom sitting down in the second row of seats and I sit down next to her with a rationale that she is in a decent seat and we can watch the movie together. She is typing on her laptop, which is this small black computer in the dream. We don't talk. I go into PassObs and the dream ends.

      Dream 2-- Fish City Grill

      At first, I think I am driving my car into the Preston Royal shopping center in Dallas. This is my local neighborhood and I would go here all the time to eat, shop, and hang out. I am making a left turn into the complex from Preston road, and when I turn I start to go really slowly because I notice the entire lay out has change. It seems like everything has expanded and evolved from when I last remember. There is WhichWhich in a huge grey sign and a white arrow at the bottom pointing to the store. This sign hangs above a red sign that indicates another restaurant in the same location! As I find a place to park my car, I'm in autopilot, and focused more on looking around at all the changes. I tried to intentionally keep in my memory all of the names of the restaurants, but I can't at this point. I remember that the store right in front of me had a window in the front, and a dark red sign with it's name in white letters above the window. The corner store, that used to be Royal China, changed it's layout and there were glass doors that I could see through, and I saw this spiral staircase that appeared to go upstairs. In my mind, I felt like it had been replaced by a library. As I am walking forward, I see that basically everything is different, FCG is even in this new place, which is across street from its normal location.

      As I am ready to open the door, my mom is next to me and she walks in with me. We go through the door, A PERFECT TIME TO RC (but I don't), and walk in. I feel very uncomfortable and I try to look to the left at the menus in order to avoid eye contact with the people behind the counter. Without really paying attention that the whole layout of the restaurant has changed, we continue to walk forward when I hear Mary, the manager, say hello. At this I get a fake smile on my face, almost automatically, robotically look over and say hello without even thinking. We walk over to her and chat for a little, it's the standard stuff. She is behind this wooden counter and I can see the chefs cooking stuff in the background behind her. We talk about college a little and I feel uneasy because I think I want to say something bad, but I have to hide it with a happy face.

      We continue walking the whole time and go over to a table. This table is wooden and glossy, near the side wall of the restaurant. I can see a stony wall to my right, and some other people scattered throughout the restaurant. It's like I have extras in my dream or something to make it realistic! Then I go into PassObs because of the conversation with Mary and the lack of one with my mom.

      Suddenly, we are outside the restaurant in a totally different parking complex and appear outside an ice cream shop with my dad, mom, Kaola, and another guy. My dad, mom, and I are walking to the car when Kaola and him go into the ice cream store while we wait. I shout something to Kaola about chameleonizing, and my dad talks about the antakarana in response. I say flatly, and curtly (which is really unusual for me, especially with my dad) "No, the antakarana isn't used to chameleonize," he just repeats the word, antakarana with a huge smile on his face as he sways from side to side with his hands locked in front of his groin. This is his habitual stance, and I apparently have recognized it's repetitive nature! I repeat firmly, without hesitation, that "no it's not used to chameleonize" and then I turn my back to him, something I have yet to do in real life.
      They come back out, and high five each other but I put my hand up and don't get a high five. I feel bad. They don't even look at me it seems like. They walk around to the other side of the car while I go into the near door.

      Dream 3-- Dying Cat

      In my house and kitchen specifically. I don't really know what I'm doing there, but I decide that I want to feed the cat and fill her bowl up, so I start looking through drawers. One by one, I see they are filled with a layer of water. They still have all the normal contents in every drawer, except that the contents are floating on a layer of water! One drawer has a bunch of plastic containers to be used with the Magic Bullet blender, which is the first one I opened. I wonder why no one else can clean this up, and I start to get angry. I think about how we have a maid and she should be doing this work, and I think about how my mom is always trying to get me to clean stuff but can't keep her own house organized and something along the lines of "Why do I have to do everything to get things done."

      As I am looking through the drawers, my cat walks in, meows, and I start petting her. She stands there purring. First I pet her shoulderblade and back. She turns her head and licks my hand. Then I go down to her neck and upper chest
      I reach one of her "nipples" or something, and get a little nervous like she will bite me or react bad. She actually puts her head down to lick me instead. I can tell there isn't fur where I am petting so I feel like there is a difference when I pet this area from when I pet her back (I don't know if this is true in real life at all). I continue to pet her there and she raises her paw that's closest to me, I pull my hand away and she keeps her paw up without moving it at all. I continue to pet her. My mom walks in and starts talking to me, but I don't look up at her at all or even pay attention to the words she is using. (She is in a lot of my dreams all of a sudden). I am at the ground level and then I see another cat walk in. This cat is pure black if I remember right.

      As I look back at my original cat, she is changing colors. Her fur is falling off, turning white, and where all the fur has completely fallen her skin is turning black, along with her eyes. I tell my mom "The cat is dying." She has this scary, holographic glow to her. Her eyes are black and green, and her whole body seems to look like the negative of a photo with the white and black being starkly contrasted. I have all of these thoughts about how my cat is dying and how it's sad. PassObs, wake up.

      Now I'm worried that I just prophesied my cat dying! That sucks. I need to spend more time with her over Christmas Break if I can.

      Dream 4-- Master of consciousness

      This dream was rather long, but I'm reading a lot of book about consciousness right now. I can't remember most of the dream but it is similar to the dream I had two nights ago where I was writing an essay about consciousness. I was in the audience attending some lecture. Once again, there were people scattered throughout the auditorium. The curtains behind the wooden stage were red and all the chairs were red. I was sitting a little off center to the right, pretty far back. There was a speaker on stage who kept repeating that there were two key rules. The first was "Find and establish your presence" the second was "You have two bodies that dream of each other. You are both and can go back and forth."
      I saw these two rules written down in text form on my iPhone "Notes" app, but I don't actually have my iPhone or anything out.

      Dream 5-- Apartment Party

      I am in this extremely large apartment alone. It's late at night, and I am relatively bored. I'm walking around thinking about what to do and where I am. I am sort of in shock at how nice this place is. There is furniture, various large rooms, and I walk into the bedroom. I call up my parents while I'm in the bedroom, but I don't remember even saying words to them I just remember putting down my phone at the end. I walk toward the front door, and I am in the living room, noticing that the floor is wooden, there is a carpet. On top of it there is a white couch and glass table with a wooden frame, with chairs on either end of the table. Looking past the furniture, I see Max, and another guy. I get relatively confused at first and so I walk towards to them to ask what's going on. As I walk, I look in the kitchen and see about 5-6 people having a good time. One guy has a couple of champagne bottles in his hands, there are a couple hot girls with glasses. They all have their hands up in the air and are shouting. I walk through the crowd and they don't even notice me, and I walk up to Max and ask him what's going on.

      Him and his friends are leaning up on this counter to the right of me, and we are talking almost directly in front of the door. At this point, I don't think he told me anything directly about the party, but somehow I kept gathering information that pointed to that conclusion. We talk for a little, but I can't remember the dialogue, I think I got sidetracked from my original point by trying to act nice and not offended that he was taking over my apartment. I walk away from him and look around for a second thinking about everything in my head, then I walk back to him and ask how many people will be there
      He walks over to this large chalkboard, crosses off 185, writes 170, and points to it. I notice that the number is written under LLL. I figure LLL is the acronym for the party, like LaLapaLooza, and I think 170 isn't that lage, immediately starting to imagine everybody in the apartment.

      As I turn around, I am suddenly walking outside in what seems like the backyard of the apartment. It's this HUGE open area with a pool and grassy fields. There are cement walk ways also. Various scattered people again, doing their own thing. There are guys and girls just hanging out, and a couple of naked girls in the pool. As I look at these girls, suddenly, I am naked, and I have a purple dress in my hands. I decide that I should wear it as I walk back into the apartment to get some clothes. I don't feel nervous or embarrassed or anything actually, I am actually trying to think about what else to wear. As I am walking there is Josh from Drake and Josh to the left of me just staring and laughing. At first I try to ignore him, but I see him following me with his gaze, and I get really angry and look over at him and yell "WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME, LOOK AWAY" and he actually does it! I feel proud of myself, but wake up.

      Dream Fragment 6-- Pull out couch

      This was a dream from last night that I didn't get to record because of finals.

      I am walking into a hotel room, and I approach a couch in the center of the room. There is a black TV to my right and normal blue couch to the left. The carpet is the same color as the couch. I have to move this table out of the way first, which resembles the table of the apartment but is much smaller. As I pull the couch out, there isn't any effort but I still hear the noise that I would habitually make if I were pulling out a heavy couch. As I pull it out I see two wooden sticks come out with the pillow at the end. This is my bed. I go into PassObs just staring at it and the dream ends.
      Tags: door, ds: passobs
    10. Dream Journal: Dungeon, Essay, Graduation, Gym

      by , 12-08-2010 at 05:58 PM
      Dream 1-- High School Dungeon

      Here is another dream where I am forced to complete tasks, or levels, without actually knowing the tasks beforehand or how I got to where I am. In this scenario, I am in a dungeon, obviously below ground. In hindsight, it's almost like I am in a video game where I am really small in comparison to the structures and other charcters in the "game." At first, it's just me. I am travelling through this dungeon by jumping really far from platform to platform. Everything is tinted very dark and its all black or dark brown.

      Then I come to this one level where I am travelling along side the wall of the dungeon. I hit the platform on the corner and turn to face the other direction. Below me and in front of me I see these giant wooden brown pillars with black disks around the pillars at certain heights. Judging by the heights, I need to utilize these disks to get from pillar to pillar across the dungeon. Below the disks, there are these Satyrs (this is the word that first pops in to my head during the dream to describe them) that are patrolling on the ground. They are huge. Some are red, some are grey, but they all have these fandoras on. They have swords in sheaths and fancy clothes, but they are walking back and fort in a mindless fashion because its a video game or something. As I jump from one disk to the next, I find myself needing to pull myself up because I can't make the jumps. Pulling myself up requires no effort, however, as I am probably in some from of PassObs at this point competing as if it were just a video game and I am a character.

      After jumping from disk to disk, I land on the fifth disk and face the satyrs and what appears to be a giant gap between where I am and the column across the way. In my head, I start hearing cheering and people speaking. Somehow there is my mom talking, and I look around to see other people from my high school also playing in the level, specifically B. Mont and J. Stet and E. Sor. Now I must've reached a checkpoint or something in the level because I try to make this gap several times in various ways, but I keep ending up back at this point in my dream in this level.

      The first attempt, I time it so that as the satyr is walking away toward the pillar I need to get to, I jump and try to land on him. I am floating somewhat in mid-air as I try to predict where he will be and where I need to go. I try to grab onto his grey hat, but I can't hold on and I start over. The next attempt, I do the same timing, but this time I manage to land on his hat. There doesn't feel to be any gravity or sensations or emotions. I can see my classmates on the other side of the pillar all sitting in benches just applauding. As I am trying to catch my balance on the hat, I hold on to the rim and wait until the satyr gets close enough to the pillar. Then I jump, and in mid-air I really focus on the applause and who I am looking at. I see 4-5 faces out of the crowd, who are all from my high school (Blatant dream sign!). I don't think I completed the jump because I woke up.

      Dream 2-- Essay on Consciousness

      This dream is rather fuzzy, but the premise is basically that I was going back and forth between having conversations with people and writing this essay about consciousness, its nature, and its difference between how I see it now and the truth.

      Each paragraph represents a new argument and even though I can't recall who I was talking to specifically I can remember some of the basic theories I wrote in my paper. Whenever I would write in my paper, it would be a PassObs event. I would teleport and my field of vision would be focused in on this stack of paper with text on it. I could read the text, and there was grammar, punctuation, indentations, proper margins, and everything. It was as if I was writing a Writ 140 paper on this topic within my dream and presenting it to myself so that I could learn or teach myself.

      Some of the premises were:
      1) Consciousness is nothing that I imagine it to be, but the world it presents is total and complete like this one.
      2) Consciousness is eternal, eternally.
      3) There is another side to consciousness that I can't reach, but I can experience.

      Dream 3-- Graduation 2.0

      In this dream, me and everybody from my high school grade appears to be graduating again. We are out behind the football field in a cluster, and we are all in our uniforms. I don't remember saying anything during this dream or really knowing what was going on at all, but this was a particularly interesting dream because of this lack of control.

      As we all stand in a group outside, there are pictures taken, and someone shouts "we're done!" Suddenly my "camera" zooms out to show a complete picture of all the blue shirts and grey shorts (the uniform). Then I hear some voices in what I feel like is my personal ear, and the camera immediately shifts to what I would consider a first person point of view. Apparently, we are now trying to escape this place, as if it were another level another competition, by evading all of the people who are trying to tag us and running to the other side of this field. I am kind of alone it seems like, but there are three or four other students who are distracting many of the taggers. I stand back at first trying to figure out what is going on and trying to devise a strategy. I honestly am surprised in hindsight that I immediately knew the objective of this dream and was formulating a plan to complete the Level.

      I decide to start running forward, and I see three or four taggers focus in on me and start to converge. There is one girl in particular who seems to be focusing on me anyway, and the other three are these dark shadowy figures that I can't recall as being people or actual shadowy figures. There are these two volleyball nets aligned parallel to eachother in a line perpendicular to me so I see them as l l instead of = and I decide that this would be my best form of escape. I run and go underneath the first, but everyone seems to be closing in on me. As I cross under the second, I open and close a book I suddenly have in my hands and immediately become invisible. I know that what I just did will make me invisible, and I believe that is why is happened. I walk around with my new invisibility and easily make it to the other side.

      Suddenly, I am now walking as if I were on the opposite side of the football field and there are many students who are not in my grade lined up on bleachers in order to take a picture. I start walking by and then I look up to see J. Mc who is looking at me, and then I turn to face the kids in the bleachers. I see that there are seniors interspersed with the underclassmen, and I wonder how they got in there and why I am not in there. They are all standing tall and smiling, while I just observe. After the picture is taken, they all yell an "ay" and then walk away. I see J. Mitch and start to walk up to him with a smile saying "we did it man, nice." As I am walking up to him, he turns into another classmate, but then when we slap hands he turns back into J. Mitch. Then I wake up

      Dream 4-- Gym

      This dream was pretty vivid and pretty long, it has a repetitive factor in it like my first one.

      So I am in this weight room with some other people. Looking straight ahead, I see some crazy looking jet black machine with pulleys and a long inclined bench and handles. The matt it is on is also black and there is a TV behind it playing but no sound it coming from it. I am standing there watching as these two guys talk right next to the machine. Eventually, I look around and decide to go somewhere else. As I look around, I realize I am in an entirely different place but it is still a gym. I am walking around this carpetted area and it's a very nice looking facility. There are leather brown cushy chairs to my left facing a brown table. The carpet is grey and black. There are windows in the marble walls that reveal a bright blue, almost cloudless sky and bright sun.

      I continue walking forward and I see Tom and his friend sitting down together with white towels around their waists but no shirts on. They appear to have just taken a shower based on their hair, but they don't talk to me as I walk by. As I pass, I have this thought like "they would be sitting down together" or something along those lines. I continue to pass and I sit down in this chair across from S. Lim who is writing something on a name tag looking thing. He has colored in a lot of it with marker and is now completing the final touches. He keeps repeating "blue bird" and is coloring in something I can't remember.

      Suddenly, I transport back into the initial room and I am walking toward the jet black machine. I guess I am about to go on it. I introduce myself to the two guys. One guy says his name is Lance Armstrong, and I think about that name in my head as being totally fake but super manly. It's like a name you would create for yourself to make a good impression or something. My name is equally fake but more manly, sadly I can't remember what I made it.

      I get on the inclined bench and start doing this ab exercise that requires me to totally stretch my abs out by pushing out my legs and leaning all the way back with my head. The initial position on the exercise is laying on the bench horizontally in mid-air. the middle of the bench separates the two parts, with my legs going out and forward, and my upper body coming down and backward. It stretches out my abs really well and then I have to come back up using only my abs. I feel the burn in this dream. I hear the spotters giving me some commands like "pull up with your chest" and "bring your knees to your chest and HOOOLLLDDDD." I think about doing thirty but stop after maybe 7 or 8. I don't remember stepping off, but I am immediately standing up next to it. I look out and see a cute girl using a machine that I wanted to use. This room has glossy wooden floors and white machines with black weights/cushions. This girl is doing an exercise for your lower back where your body is like this / with your legs on cushions. Then you bend down with your head and back in line and then come back again.

      I really want to do that exercise, so I leave the room, and head to a hallway. I come to another work out room that looks like the one I used in a DoubleTreeHotel three weeks ago. As I look around, I see a sliding door with a note on it saying "mixed work out room, boys and girls allowed." And I immediately go in. I see the same carpetted, brown cushy chair infested work out room as before. I see the machine I want and I start walking toward it. I see Tom and his friend sitting in the chairs looking over at me and somehow that gives me the motivation to jog, but I'm not moving very fast. As I jog past them, I find myself suddenly in a chair laying down facing S. Silver and he has a red pen. He is marking up the front cover of this magazine so that it spells "KN" which is the symbol for some frat he calls "Sigma Nu" but that isn't how to do their symbol. I notice that I have a pen in my hands, but the tip is still inside because I haven't clicked it open yet. I am just holding it out in front of me over the magazine without doing anything. He starts laughing at his own creation and this blonde girl, who appears to be the owner of the store right next to us comes out and looks at us.

      She says "you guys think you are so funny marking up this magazine, huh? Are you the same people who made this name tag?" And I immediately recognize it as the thing that S. Lim was marking up the other time I came into this room. It's corner were bent, and there are three birds flying out of a black hole in the middle of the tag. She says something about how that tag had the lyrics to a poem on there that described the horrors of living in a place less fortunate then this.

      As she is describing the scene, I turn PassObs and become the camera for this video, seeing what she is describing. She talks about how kids need food and they have to carry guns and hide first thing in the morning in order to avoid being gang raped. The scene I see is these four blacks kids who appear happy enough running out of a brick house toward the camera. They are in a line without a particular order it seems like. They run past a white fence and the fence gets destroyed without them touching it. It flies up into the sky behind them in pieces.

      They continue to run, but the camera stops. The camera follows them as they pass by though, and I see them running away and turning a corner. The woman is still talking but I'm not paying attention.

      My alarm clock wakes me up.
    11. Dream Journal: Extended Family

      by , 12-07-2010 at 03:27 PM
      Dream 1-- Long Dream with Extended Family

      Don't remember how this dream starts but one of the first scenes I remember is it is me and my family hanging out with my uncle on my mom's side and his family. That consists of my aunt and two younger cousins who are 7 and 5. We are outside, and it's day time. My dad wants one of the girls to reenact something that she had done earlier and my uncle kinda coaxes her into doing it. She is wearing a white dress and headband and starts to do something, but then falls down. IShe doesn't cry or anything which is good and I ahve this thought running through my head like she would have cried if she were younger. I think I'm PassObs at this point, but the dream still continue.

      I'm looking straight forward at this glass door with a black outline. It looks like the entrance to a store, and suddenly everyone starts to walk through it. It's like a furniture store, and everyone splits apart. My mom and sisters go into this room on the left while I decide to continue to go forward. The whole time I can hear them conversing and discussing what to buy, but I immediately go over to these dual set of white chairs and take out a bright red pen and start to mark on them.

      Something in my head tells me it will be fun to design and another part slowly starts to realize that me writing on these chairs will require my parents to buy them. I think part of me wants attention so I am doing something really bad and a aprt of me just wants to do whatever I want to do.

      On one of the chairs I am writing the word "fence", but I forget to write then "n" and it's just fece, which I cant change because its written in pen. I can see myself drawing exactly on the seams of the fabric, following each line and coloring it in. This activity seems to be satisfying to me in some way.

      Suddenly, we are driving out of the store and it's night time. My mom is driving the car, which I think is a large suburban that we usually ride around in. We drive into the driveway of this large brick house, which we are parked to the left of. She starts describing to us how this is her old house and all the memories in it, how she used to sleep and stuff. This is definitely not her old house in real life, however. She goes on talking about it while I continue to just stare outside the window. In this whole dream I don't really look at any particular person, I'm just doing my own thing and watching whatever pleases me while hearing dialogue occur in the background.

      Then I transport into another car that now my dad is driving and we are in a well-known parking lot near my house. It's still me and my two older sisters, but now we are waiting for something. We don't exactly know what to do and I am very bored. I have a sense that something needs to happen. With that thought, two fire trucks drive by and all of us start to oworry about where they are going, me especially, but they seem to just stop in the middle of the street right in front of us, my middle sister says "don't worry, they didn't go to our house."

      We start to drive, it's still very dark outside. We pass the fire trucks, and end up at the same house as before. We are going to pick up my mom, somehow I know all of this intuitively without having to be told. As we pull up to the curb where my mom is there are cars already parallel parked and my mom is walking away from the house she described as her old house with what I think are two steaks in a bag. As she comes in closer, I can see they are dark red flowers. She walks down a cement path to get to wear we are, and gets in the car. Then I wake up

      I think there is another interesting dreamsign identified in this dream I will call "NoPerson." This basically consists of having a dream where there is conversation and events happening but there is no body in my field of vision the entire time. It seems like throughout this dream, I could hear things and intuit many more things, but I would never actually look at people or have conversations to their faces. Strange.
    12. Dream Journal: Camping Fight, Gymnasium, Raining Gate, Computer in Bed

      by , 12-06-2010 at 06:14 PM
      Dream 1-- Camping Fight

      I am in one corner of this large camp grounds. The ground is basically cleared of twigs and grass so that all that remains is hard brown dirt everywhere. There are a few tree scattered around, but I don't realy pay attention to them. What I do pay attention to, and seem to be ardently concentrating on is builiding up a campsite to defend against the enemies.

      Apparently we are at war, with me and my family being one army and then two unknown armies doing other thing in different parts of the camp. I know we have to build certain structures as if it were starcraft or something, and so I try to get my parents to get to work. My dad is pretty good at following instructions, so when I get him to start building the tent, he immediately gets to work but he doesn't exactly know how to build the tent, which is is common downside!

      I try to build a fire but realize that I have no tools to do so, I have no wood or ignition. I can't build the fire, so I go over to my mom and start talking to her. She tells me that she has to leave and go to this writing workshop in 20 minutes. I'm like "we are at war!" she says something and I say "ok" in a tone of resignation. I look back at the tent and look forward again, I am now in the driveway for my house and I'm watching my mom get into her car.

      I was supposed to go with her but for some reason I leave before getting in the car. I think she is still waiting for me by the end of the dream.

      Dream 2-- Ninja Gymnastics

      This dream was rather long but I can only remember a little bit of it. I'm in this large box-shaped room with a lot of random wood planks made into large structures spread about. All the planks are intertwined somehow like a giant maze, and I don't know what to think at first.

      I am there with two other people and I can't remember who specifically they were. One tells me to start doing level 1, and I do like 10 pushups and then he's like level 2... The next thing I know he's saying level 20 and I am up near the top of the wooden planks and trying to walk across with perfect balance toward the upper corner of the building.

      Somewhere in this dream I realize that my mom must still be waiting for me so that she can leave to go to her writing class because we were going to leave together. I think about how she probably is still waiting or maybe she just left. This makes me think about how I would've handled the situation in the future and how my dad must still be working on the tent, so I think about texting him and telling him he can stop working. This whole thought process leads me to think about how my parents have abandoned me many times in the past, and they didn't pull through in helping me with this war thing at all. My mom had to bail and my dad couldn't complete any task competently.

      Dream 3-- Raining Gate

      In this dream, I'm walking at night toward a building, but I don't know specifically where I am or how I got there or where I am going, I just know to go forward. I come across this open, dark green gate that resembles the gate of my sister school's driveway entrance. I close the gate on accident by touching it, and it slams shut with a loud noise.

      I realize that I need to reopen it because people will be coming in, so I get the gate open and try to swing it all the way open so it will stay. At first, it starts to close again so I have to redo the process. I open it all the way and it sticks this time. As I am in this situation, a white sedan pulls up with his lights on and I get the feeling that the driver is agitated having to wait at the gate. Futzing with the gate, I feel like either he thinks I'm some sort of worker for the school or that I'm just an idiot who is messing with the gate and making him late. After I open it, I step off to the side and tell him to go, as I am waving him off I see that there are these two circular objects on the ground right in front of his wheel, so I bend down and grab them away before he drives luckily. I don't say a word this whole time.

      The next car that pulls up is my moms car, and the next thing I know I am in the back seat passenger side watching as we drive forward in the night. I can see the sidewalk pretty clearly, I am looking out the window, but I am not paying attention to who is speaking or what is being said, as per usual in my dreams. My mom is trying to explain something to me and my oldest sister is in the passenger seat. As we turn the corner and start going left, a thought crosses my mind, but I can't remember what it is.

      Dream 4-- Computer in Bed

      So I am in my bed at my house, but it's facing the wrong way. The top of my head is pointing out of the window instead of being perpendicular like it usually is. I guess I'm sick or something because I'm underneath all of these covers and my sister comes in to try and tell me something. I am on my laptop and she is asking me if I need anything or if there is something she can do. her presence is comforting to me, but I tell her I'm fine.

      I look up at the ceiling and realize there is a binder taped up there. She looks up and grabs it for me, there is something written on the outside of this purple translucent binder, but I don't remember. I open it and there are two tickets for something inside and like 2 sheets of paper that have a lot of text on it.

      Dream 5-- Modern Warfare

      I am watching my friends play modern warfare on the X-box but I am completely passobs. It's not like I am watching the actual people play, I am in fact a random camera just observing the game and watching the characters shoot eachother. As I am watching, I somehow know exactly which character is which, and I am analyzing the game play strategy of my friend Zack. He is using an AK-47 and strafing while shooting. IT looks like he is having cross-fire against a bot and he is using a strategy I call pulse fire. After he kills the bot, he gets killed, I pop out of the game and start playing as his character without being a real person. I adopt the CT gun well know for its burst-fire capabilities, and I start going around killing people easily with these shots. I am in the level where there is airplane wrecking around and the surroundings are all cement and grey. Suddenly I realize that I am using the burst fire capabilities on this gun and turn to tell Zack that his strategy isn't optimal because he is using burst fire with an AK instead of a gun like the one I'm using that is meant to burst.

      Dream 6-- Randomest Dream

      I am in my room and it's another type of dream where I have to complete levels. I wish I could remember this dream better because it was awesome while I was in it and the complexities of it were really interesting. There was this evil monster on my computer who put me to some sort of test where I needed to pass levels in order to win (similar to the Ninja Gymnasium with the levels concept). I start doing these complicated tasks in my room, but I can't remember any. As I complete each task, there are different colored boards that get placed up on my wall. They are multi-colored by nature and change color as pixels or little squares. So there could be a large 4x4 red square that gets slowly covered in 1x1 orange or yellow pixels and it would look like a simulated fire. Or any number of different patterns. As I continued playing,the boards on the wall got larger and more complex and more interesting to look at. I would occassionally just stop and pause to observe the amazing board on my wall. After Icompleted all the levels, there was this really cool music playing and the board on my wall turned into a stereo set that displays the noise level of each component of the music. It was orange in the background and yellow were the verticals bars that were going up and down depending on the music. I was really fascinated by it and thought that it was so cool to have achieved this in my room so I could show everyone else what I did and how I got this in my room. I wish I could remember more of this dream too.

      I'm going to remember more details and have more vivid dreams tomorrow.

      Updated 12-06-2010 at 06:24 PM by 38598

      Tags: ds: passobs
    13. Dream Journal: Lucid Dream #2!, Fragments, 2 FAs, WILD, TV Shows

      by , 11-22-2010 at 04:59 PM
      Dream 1-- DILD! *Dreamsign: HSfriend* Task of the Month

      YES!! I finally had my second lucid dream after trying to induce lucids for over a week now! I'm so psyched because even though I'm officially attempting to achieve lucidity through the WILD technique, I'm managing to recognize my dream signs while in the dream state! This is really encouraging because these dreamsigns recur so much, and are so common that if I can really start consistently seeing them as such then I should be lucid almost all the time! Also, I think it helped that I was thinking about the task of the month as a something to do after I became lucid because I completed it as soon as I became lucid!

      The dream starts off with me walking down this open field at night with no one around me. I am walking on grass, and I can see a bunch of stuff in the distance, but I have this feeling like I know exactly where I am going. I keep walking for about a minute and eventually find myself sitting on a porch with Dean, William and an old man. I look over at Dean and he is lying down on some stairs, and I think that's typical for Dean, who would normally come over to my house and just sleep on my couch.

      Will, the old man and I are talking about some important topic I can't specifically recall right now. Suddenly there is this loud noise to the right and it's this truck that is trying to back into it's logical space. It's making a lot of noise and it has to go through a long, drawn out procedure of getting through this tiny space in order to park. It pulls forward, and shifts positions and goes back. It's hard to explain but the entire process takes about 2 minutes to complete. After it's done I l walk over and see that the truck has compacted to the size of a normal car, and I think that is really weird how it all happened.

      When I go back to talk to Will, I recognize him as an HSfriend (friend from high school) and immediately I become lucid! I tell him that I am lucid and that I have full control over my dream and I can do whatever I want right now. He sits and just looks at me silently. I then tell him that I have always looked up to him and that I think he is really cool. He says "whoa." I don't know what else to say so I walk past him and find another of my high school friends, Sean. He walks up to me and says "I love you, man" and gives me a big hug. I say "I love you too dude, thank you." When we are hugging, I close my eyes and things go black, which causes me to start to lose lucidity. I remember that I can spin around, so I start to spin but my brain sort of comes back into my body and I can feel my body spinning in a dream while my body is remaining still on the bed. It feels really weird because I have the sensation that I'm spinning in the bed while I'm not moving at all.

      Dream 2-- PassObs Degrassi

      So I'm watching an episode of Degrassi, and everything seems to be going according to the Degrassi-esque drama, but I'm passobs the whole time. I'm just the camera watching all the action, and there is a line of thoughts that follow as the scene progresses. After about 30 seconds, the characters all change and the storyline becomes something really weird.

      In every episode of Degrassi there are usually multiple stories that progress in segments and the show will switch from one story to another constantly. In one of my stories, Abed from the show Community thinks that he is gay so he is going into a doctor's office to check. For most of my dream he is waiting in the waiting room looking around nervously. The last Abed scene, a doctor in the form of Chevy Chase (who is also in Community) comes out and tells Abed that his results are ready. There is a close up of his face looking worried, and then a far-away shot of him following the doctor through these two glass doors.

      In another story, there are these two people who are apparently cheating on their girlfriend/boyfriend with eachother. In one scene they are having sex and it looks like the scene from fight club where it's really blurry and slowed down. You can't really tell what's going on but you know they are having sex and one scene will kind of mold into the other. I see her totally naked and I have this thought like 'I don't think they can show boobs on this show' but that doesn't stop the dream. The boobs and the woman's body morph into the guys face and suddenly they are in a different sexual position. It's hard to explain, but I remember paying attention to how the bodies morphed and how her boobs became his nose. It was really interesting to watch and observe.

      In the last story, I was actually involved, but I can't remember it that well. I am running down a long corridor with black and white checkers on a marble floor beneath me. The corridor is rather narrow and I can see that it gets smaller up ahead. I am running and at first it doesn't seem like I'm making progress, but somehow I imagine that there are people in the opening, which makes me complete the journey really fast. I guess I took my mind off the corridor situation, which made it a non-issue. When I reach the opening there are HSfriends again, but I don't go lucid this time. We all talk for a while about a problem going on in the house we are in. It's really dramatic and we all have to search for something, but it's too blurry at this point.

      Dream Fragment 1-- BC Movie

      I just got home from Boston where I was watching the Yale/Harvard football game and visiting my friend at BU. While at BU I was thinking about how I went over to BC during my college tours and had to compare the two campuses.

      In my dream, I am walking on concrete in no specific path, but once again I have this feeling like I know where I am going. It's raining/drizzling but I don't have the feeling like I am getting wet or that I am cold at all. I walk into this building and there are students sitting in chairs facing a TV screen. Also, there is a woman who is standing behind a podium and looking out at all of us. she is obviously a representative for the college. All the kids sitting are watching a movie, and I decide to remain standing behind all of the chairs. I adopt a wide stance and I remember thinking about how wide my stance was and naming it "solid." I physically tried to avoid watching what was on the TV because I didn't want to get sucked in. This is what I do in real life now. I don't watch TV and I don't watch movies because they drag me into the PassObs state so well. I try to RC all the time now when I am typing up my dream journal because I will realize that I am not even paying attention to the noise of the keyboard or the feeling of sitting in the chair!!

      Suddenly, I am talking to H. Huffines because he was one person that I wanted to visit while at BU who I never got a chance to see. I was thinking about him in real life. His dad also talks to me, but I don't remember to go lucid. I can't remember the dialogue, but it was nothing special.

      False Awakening 1-- Pam offers me a Job

      My alarm clock goes off at 5am to remind me to WILD. I remember that I am supposed to WILD and so I remain still and fall back asleep. I have a False Awakening in my bed and I turn to my side to see my mom's friend Pam on my laptop with glasses on. She is looking through e-mails or something and starts talking to me without looking at me. She tells me about this job opportunity she has as an actor's apprentice. I would follow him around and do his dirty work and get him shows and all of this stuff. The whole time I'm in passobs just not really "there." I don't look around, I have a lot of thoughts just swarming through my mind and I don't say anything. I wake up.

      False Awakening 2-- Lawyer in my Den

      This dream is scattered and happens directly after the first false awakening. I am a lawyer and I'm representing this client who I think is disabled. I don't specifically remember the facts of the case or why I am trying it, but I do remember looking through this light blue notebook filled to the brim with papers with all sorts of legal words. It's just passage after passage of what the client is saying, what the law is and other arguments. I try to read over these very carefully, and I actually start to get a photographic memory of what all the contents are as I'm flipping through the book! At first, I'm reading this outside. I'm in a chair and I'm leaning back with the notebook in my lap. there are about 6-7 pages that I read front and back. This clues me in to the whole case and what is going on.

      Suddenly, without warning, I sit up and I am in this large comfy couch that we have in our downstairs den, which is a living room basically. I am talking to a client who is sitting in a chair at a table that is correctly placed in the layout of my den, and he isn't looking at me. He is looking to the left according to how I am looking at him, but it's straightforward for him. He is white, stocky, grey haired, and he looks rather sad, he had a light blue sweater on. We start talking about the case and I basically ask him a list of questions that I feel would apply to this case. The more questions I ask, however, the more I become passobs because I analyze the question I am asking, I analyze his answer, and I'm in my head about what to say or do next.

      First, we start talking about the complaint and the laws surrounding the issue. He tries to direct me to pages where he addressed certain concerns Im brining up, but as Iflip through the pages I realize that all of the text is blurry and jumbled (a new dreamsign) so I stop trying to look. I just converse with him directly about the issue and begin asking him surprisingly poignant questions that I had never heard myself ask before. Things like "Do you admire his situation? Would you trade your life for his?" After this question there was a long silence. I stopped to think about what I just said, and I was really analyzing his face to gauge his reaction. He didn't say anything and I prompted him to speak, but he, in a whispering voice, said "I don't know."

      Dream Fragment 2--

      I'm on a Balcony alone. I'm looking down at all the clothes I am wearing and find myself getting really self-critical. I realize that I haven't shaved in four or five days and I start thinking about how unattractive that must look, and how stupid I am for not just getting it done. I start taking off my pants and realize that I have three pairs of pants on. The outer layer is a blue pair of sweatpants that says "Harvard" down the left leg. Underneath these pants I have my gym shorts, which I wore to sleep tonight. And underneath that I have some under armour to keep me warm. Interestingly, this mocks the amount of pants I was wearing around for the past two days in order to stay warm in the 30 degree Boston weather.
    14. Dream Journal: Movie, Airport, High School Picnic, Spider Panic, Male vs. Female, FAs Galore

      by , 11-17-2010 at 07:05 PM
      My dream recall really improved tonight, I had a lot of dreams, but I really remember a lot of fragments rather than these long and drawn out scenarios. I know that looking back it's actually very hard for me to distinguish some of my dreams from reality because they are mostly mundane and I have the PassObs state so pervasive in my dreams.

      Dream 1-- HellBoy Reloaded

      This movie has nothing to do with Hellboy, except that it has the main actress from the movie. I am PassObs in this dream, watching the movie as it unfolds before me. It feels like I'm caught in the trailer because she is narrating the whole time as I am observing, and there is a lot of mental commentary going on in the background of my mind.

      So, the dream starts with her talking about herself and how she was a confused girl or something looking for love. Then I see a scene where she is inside of a giant cake that is being pushed down the hall. She has a similar costume as if she were in the movie Hellboy, thus the title. She says she is looking for love, and that her whole life turned around after this one event.

      The cake gets pushed into a restaurant. And it's directly in the middle. Suddenly there are 5 guys, who I recognize as all competing for her love, that burst out in a murdering spree everyone in the restaurant. There are three guys who I basically discard and don't pay attention to. There is one guy with red hair, who I can't think of at the moment, and the last one is Wolverine! haha.

      So I see Wolverine kill people, and then he takes this one guy out of the room by his claws. This whole time I'm thinking "how does she gets these men to like her?" "Maybe she just displays her real personality and whether or not they like her doesn't actually affect her because she has so many people who like her".. It's a really intricate thought process that I'm not doing justice to here, but I felt sad and depressed while thinking the thoughts. I was looking at the movie as a type of archetype for how to act, and I had this mental cycle that basically went "I'm not good enough, how do I get better?, the movie knows the answer so watch the movie and learn the right way."

      Anyway, I follow Wolverine out into where he dragged the guy, and suddenly I'm in my cabana back in Dallas. I can't say for sure what happened after this because I had another dream at 5am that really scares me and might be a true account about what I did, but I am not for sure because I can only remember what I said happened.

      Dream 2-- 5am continuation of dream 1

      So, in this dream, everything repeats just like dream 1. When I follow Wolverine out I become aware that I am part of an assassination squad, and our group name is on this serving tray that looks exactly like what they would bring you for an order or room service. Once again, I am in my cabana.

      I look around, and I am in this rectangular room, which doesn't actually resemble my cabana at all except the ground is carpetted a light blue and the doors are white. The tray disappears as I look back, and it is replaced by three of my high school friends: Stewart, AK, and a third person. I immediately announce to them that this is a dream and that I had just experienced this situation earlier, but I don't become lucid.

      I explain to them in detail exactly what had happened, or at least what I remember. I cannot be sure if in this dream I am giving a true account of what happened in the original dream, but I seem pretty damn convinced, and everything I was describing was accurate.

      So, I tell this is a dream, and I show them what I did. I walk over to a door, and I say, "I opened this door, and there's a bed and a TV, and I watched the TV from the bed." I open the door, and it initially it doesn't seem like there is a bed inside but I can see the TV. It doesn't matter, I don't look long enough to care. I walk over to another door and say and here is the exit. As I am walking over I can see the look on their faces is really freaked out/surprised. Both of their eyes are like in a way that is really exaggerated. I can't believe I didin't lucid this!! That's the end.

      Dream 3-- Airport Group Bathroom

      Some of my dreams that I have now-a-days seem to give me memories of dreams I've had in the past but WHILE I'M STILL IN THE DREAM. It's very weird. When I wake up I cannot remember having any dream like it, but in my dream mind I am sure of my location, and it all seems very familiar. In fact, I have memories of how the other dreams went, but they only last as long as my dream.

      In this dream, I am carrying a blue tub, which is a debate term for one of the 10 gallon plastic containers that carry everything. I am walking through an airport, and I think that is my luggage. I know I need to take a shower before I board because I don't want to be gross for the flight. I walk over to this huge gray table where there is a security guard sitting down. He is black.

      I put down my tub on the table, and I open it a little maybe to see what's inside but change my mind because he calls me over. He asks from my student ID, I give him my college student ID, and then I walk over to bathroom. I don't remember walking through any door, but I appear in the bathroom at the back right hand corner. I am only wearing a towel at this point. This is a huge square room where there are lines of sinks along the wall, and people sitting in stools near each sink. At the opposite corner (front left) I see a door that is slightly open and appears to be a shower. Where I am seems to be some sort of sauna.

      I walk around looking for an empty spot, but I'm not saying anything. I think I'm in PassObs at this point because the scenery is so still and I'm not interacting at all. I find an empty sink and put down a white book I had in my hands apparently. As I sit, I get tapped on the shoulder. It's a black woman wearing what looks like blue scrubs as if she were a nurse.

      She says something but I can't hear her because I have my right earbud in randomly. I take it out and do a sort of curt "what?" and she asks me a question I can't remember and I say "no." she proceeds to tell me that I am very rude and that I need to watch the way I speak. This comment makes me really self-conscious and ends the dream because I go into a PassObs state and everything begins to turn black. I think about how my comment really was rude and how I might actually be a rude person without realizing it and that I don't want to be rude in the future.

      Dream Fragment 4-- Spider vs. Cat

      This dream was a drawn out battle between what seemed like two comic super hero characters that were going to kill each other. Once again, I was passive observer in this dream, watching the scene as if it were a movie and all I could do was watch and think. We are in this darkened room, and I see the SpiderGuy (who is white with black hair, long sideburns, and I can't remember clothing) getting his head hit against a wall. As his head smashes against the wall, he looks to the right, which is looking directly at me. Suddenly, he morphs into a spider, and he crawls around trying to escape.

      Because it's night, he is very sneaky and goes underneath a bed that I am on. The opponent, who I never see, starts to wait. After a little bit of no action, the spider crawls along the side of a wall at a fast speed toward the door at the other end of this darkened room. I see the opponent now, in the form of a cat, jump up and try to get him. Freaked out, the spider crawls all the way back underneath the bed, and we wait again.

      We wait for a long time, maybe 2 minutes, and then these thoughts enter my head like, he's decided never to come out, what a brilliant strategy. And because thoughts determine reality, I stop thinking about the fight altogether, and just pay attention to this cat that is now sitting near the foot of this bed I am on. The cat, which is orange and white, starts to move toward me a little after I bring my attention to it.

      It doesn't reach me though, it turns and climbs into what looks like a crib. There is a black cat that hops in from out of my vision. I assume that these cats know eachother because they start to snuggle. I observe how they interact with each other and try to determine what their relationship is like based on their behavior and what signals they are trying to send to each other. This is my classic PassObs state, where I am just watching an event and being purely analytical about it. I am having these thoughts like "oh, the orange cat is moving away slightly agitated so it doesn't like the black cat that much. The black cat is really needy for attention and affection, but the orange cat doesn't want to give it to him. I wonder if the orange cat knows and is just too cool or what"

      Stuff like that. Whenever I go deep into PassObs, I end up either switching dream scenes completely because my environment turns all black and I lose focus on any particular sight because I am caught up in my thoughts or I wake up.

      Dream 5-- High School Picnic

      This dream starts off in a really nice house. I am with my friend, Will, from high school and apparently his dad and some other people. We all walk into this room that looks like a classroom, but seems to be part of the mansion as well. Everyone sits down on top of a desk because there are no chairs in this room. Some people have some bud that they are smoking and I don't have any so I start looking for some.

      Somehow I know that underneath these desks there are drawers that I and pull out. I try a couple and there is nothing in them. I walk over to a separate isle of desks and try again. I find what looks like purely a rolling paper, but as I pull it out I hear a dad say "oh look he got one" so I decide to light it. I have to squish it together and roll it with my fingers for it to remain taut and not fall apart. As I am smoking it I get the feeling like I am actually getting high. My vision starts to blur a little and I completely relax into the situation. My analytical mind goes blank and I just start walking along. I end up walking outside where there are a bunch of other high school friends having a picnic.

      They are sitting on these wooden tables that have pizza and chips on them. I see Gefen, and Doug, and David C., and Sean. All of these people I have seen smoke bud at one point or another, so the connection here is clear. As I am walking around, I am trying to have conversations with some of them, but I get in my head and analytical about what we are talking about, which makes me want to move on and do something else because the analytical aspect makes me really uncomfortable and uneasy. I can't talk to anybody without my mind firing a million thoughts per second, so I just wander around high for a while. I never finish my blunt, but I continue to smoke it throughout the dream.

      False Awakening 1-- Talking to Daniel

      So I am flying to Boston on Thursday, so I wanted to call my friend over at BU to hang out and chill. I did this during a False Awakening and our conversation was like Me: "hey man, I'm coming into town this weekend" "oh nice man.. (something about his roommate)" "I'll be there Thursday Friday Saturday wan to chill" "(says something nonresponsive)" (SILENCE) in my head I go PassObs thinking about whether I should say "are you free?" or just drop the conversation and take his non-committal response as a no. Then I start thinking about all the cool stuff he must be doing in BU and how he just chills until someone asks him to do something and then goes with the flow that way. WOW I get up in my head!!

      False Awakening 2-- Comments from Matthew

      Yesterday I had a 30 minute conversation with my TA in Writing class about how to do this upcoming project. He talked to me a lot about my analytical mind and how I like to tackle the larger, meta issues of a subject, which sometimes forces me away from the more pragmatic and applicable problems that the prompt is trying to point to. These comments started me thinking about how that applies to my life in everyday situations and how I could change that behavior or what I would need to do in order for that behavior to change.

      In my dream, I am writing down geometrical shapes and words on graph paper while listening to a distant voice that sounds exactly like Matthew. He is telling me in my dream that I am too critical and that I need to settle down and relax. I am sorting through the paper trying to find where I put these comments. He is explaining that I already know everything I just need to organize the thoughts and make them cogent instead of muddling the issue and trying to make it more complex. I think I am awake this whole time because I am in my dorm room and everything seems normal.

      After enough of these comments, I go into PassObs of self-criticism about my behavior and my ability to learn things and write essays, which causes the dream scene to go black and I wake up.

      Dream 6-- Arguments with Friends about Gender

      So I am in a separate darkened room with two people that I think I know. They seem to be related because they are lying in the same bed, while I am in my own chair, which I think is a bean bag chair. At first, I am facing them and we are talking about the difference between guys and girls. We are talking about it from the parent's point of view and which would be harder to raise and why.

      I don't know what we were saying specifically, but out of synchronicity, the TV turns on, and I swivel around somehow in my bean bag chair. The TV character looks like Jon Stewart and he is explaining how for guys the cost of being raised is like $2 because we don't need anything. For girls it's like $50,000 because they need tampons, bras, and all of these other materials. After the show is over I turn around and we all start laughing.

      Dream Fragment 7-- Nurse Mom

      I am laying in the bed I sleep in whenever I go to my grandparent's house. Instead of being normal, my legs are hanging off the side and I am lying on some pillows, with my face turned to the side looking at a TV screen with some medicial show playing. I feel sick, and I transition from being inside my body to going PassObs and being a part of the show through the camera. Next, my mom walks into the room with some soup. This dream occurred chronologically after I had the dream where I smoked the blunt, so I was really worried that she would notice the smell of bud. This is an example where I have memories of previous dreams inside of my dream.

      She comes over and pats me on the back in a comforting way. I start to get really paranoid and freaked out that she knows, which forces me into PassObs mode and then out of the dream!! Grr!

      Dream Fragment 8-- Talking to a DC

      This isn't lucid, but I'm in my dorm room talking to a DC. He is explaining to me his experiences with LD and how it helped him in his life. He explains to me how he used to be depressed and lacking in creativity. Then he found the world of LD and he never wanted to leave. It allowed him to fully explore his imagination and take a leap into another world. I suddenly get this vibrant thought of me flying over a city and just racing through the wind. There is a great breeze going through my hair, but the scene is amazing and awesome, and now I am super motivated to fly in a LD!

      Overall, my dream recall really improved tonight, but I also think that I was not getting very deep sleep. I was tossing and turning a lot which I think kept my consciousness level higher than normal, but also affected my rest. I didnt hear my WILD alarm go off at 5am, but I still had many FAs which is a sign that my WILDing techniques are getting better. I feel like I am having more and more obvious chances to DILD, which is really encouraging. I am focusing more on RCing during the day and making them serious RCs. I will take deep breaths and start looking around and feeling my clothes in order to get a mixture of sense perceptions. I tell myself throughout the day "When I am dreaming, I will look at my hands and recognize the dream state." I'm really motivated on this WILD journey, and I think that with a little more practice I will start having these WILDs and DILDs tonight! I can see it happening, there is just that little extra step of realizing shit is weird in the dream. I will have to start paying more attention to my reality so that I can say "hey this is a little weird, I'm going to RC" just to ingrain the habit.
    15. Dream Journal: Spice Girls, Carnival, False Awakening

      by , 11-16-2010 at 05:25 PM
      Dream 1-- Spice Girls Remix

      So, this dream is half passive observer half I'm actually noticing that I'm in my body. Most of my dreams now are pretty sexual because I haven't masturbated for like a week now. I actually feel more energized because of it, but this is a DJ....

      So I start out in my room. I'm facing away from my bathroom, meaning that I can see the rest of my room, including my bed and my LoveSac (which is a comfy and huge bean bag chair. I hear this music start to play. My whole screen of vision goes red and I can see this black girl with a golden wig on starting to sing. I think she starts singing a song that's uniquely Spice Girls at first so I can begin to recognize who they are.

      This is my Passive Observer state. Here, it's like I'm just the camera for this music video with thoughts and critique. The camera will change easily and there won't be much feeling inside me, just thoughts and analysis of the video I'm watching.

      So I see the black girl at first, she's wearing a white Halter top and some skimpy shorts. Suddenly, the camera pans out and I feel like I'm in my body in my room, and I can see all five of them. The song keeps playing and I'm having the realization that I'm listening to the Spice Girls in my room, but it doesn't cause me to RC or wake up. Then, the screen turns all green as the camera focuses in on another of the girls, who looks like she is kind of depressed. She is white with black hair, and she plays the cello. She has a very weird voice that doesn't actually go with the song at all. In my PassObs state, I question the legitimacy of her playing the cello and how it would affect the song. I start listening to the music more carefully and realize that the cello is being played really fast but somehow it works with the music. I get the feeling like in concert she must get really tired.

      Pan out again. I'm sitting in the same place looking at all five of them. For one of the verses one of them starts to sing who sounds kinda Asian, and she even makes the comment about how she has the classic Asian accent, as part of the song. What's funny is how this whole time I am trying to remember the lyrics for the song, and I feel really confident in my version, but they keep changing the song into something really random, like at one point they are talking about horses.

      Then the video suddenly shifts, and now I'm standing at the doorway to my sister's room, and I see this one hot blonde Spice Girl start doing a seductive dance as the beginning of another song. She is wearing basically nothing, I can see her stomache and legs. I want to F this girl, but I'm in PassObs (oh how I wish I was lucid!). They start another song, but it doesn't last very long because I roll over in bed.

      Dream 2-- Busted by the Police for the First Time

      So, this dream starts off similar to the other dream where I feel like I'm just a camera that is part of a movie. I am in the sky and floating down as I see lots of people crowded around some rides. There is procession of buses and sounds to my left. There are these silver gates that separate different areas where people are either waiting to get on a ride or are on the ride. It's all out on in the open, all on concrete, but I can't really see the ground because there are so many people.

      As I am still floating downward in camera mode, I hear Dave Chappelle tell a Joke that I cannot remember, but I feel like I had it in my memory for a long time because I knew it when he said it. As the camera finally descends, I become a person and start walking around, but I am alone at this carnival. I get to this one section where there aren't a lot of people and I decide to try and start drinking so that I can loosen up and have some more fun. It's the classic red Solo cup filled with beer. As I drink and walk, I realize that I'm like the only one in this part of the Carnival somehow, and so I start walking towards the party. As I get closer, I see out of the corner of my eye that there is a group of police officersstanding on the other side of the metal fence, scoping out the situation and probably carding people.

      At first, I feel really confident I won't get IDed as long as I walk confidently and act like I don't even notice them. I remember that I haven't shaved in four days and I have never gotten busted before. I walk past all of them, but the last one says "Hey, get over here" and "Show me your ID." I know I'm fucked, but I'm like "OK" in a calm voice. I start patting my pockets as if I don't know which pocket it's in. He is starting to get impatient and is like "C'mon, C'mon." As I open my wallet, I realize that I don't have my ID. Although in real life there is no real explanation for not having it, in my dream I think back to some event that happened earlier that justifies me not having it. I think about giving me school ID to the cop or this other ID I have, but he's like "You're not 21, I'm giving you a ticket." My heart sinks into my stomache and I feel awful. I can only look down as shame and guilt start to wash over me.

      I start to wonder what went wrong, when I look up there is a mirror there. I see that I had been wearing this white polo with purple stripes, I wasn't actually shaved, and I looked 17. I was like wow I am never wearing polo shirts out again, and I start beating myself up mentally like why would I be so stupid to wear out a polo and next time I am coming with friends. Why didn't I come with friends? If I had been here with a frat everything would have been fine, and then I picture myself being with a frat and drinking and having fun and all of that. Then I wake up

      Dream 3-- Space Ship Wars

      This dream is super obscure, but it involves people from my high school, which should be the most ultimate dream sign in existence for me and I don't know why I can't seem to RC it properly when it happens! I could be having DILDs every night along with my WILDs!!

      So the dream starts out at night time. I am on the radio with my teammates and we need to take out with our ships for what I think is a practice run, for fun. I don't remember ever flying these ships before and I can't think of any particular job we have to do for them. I am on some like school track or something, but there is a metal door that opens up like a garage door and reveals my space vehicle, which is shaped like a classic UFO.

      It's me Peter, Brendon, and this blonde girl who is really hot. We take off and I'm super shitty at flying my craft. I hear Peter and Brendon talking over the intercom, and I can see a lot of the action out of my front mirror. Most of my movements aren't coordinated with my brain, so they just kinda happen and I have to go along with them. The opponents we are fighting have crafts in the shape of the female sign (the circle with a line down and the horizontal stripe), which is funny because I got shown a binky yesterday that was that exact sign/shape.

      We start fighting the female shaped opponents, but I'm not really doing anything. I'm flying around just trying to get control of my vehicle, and I'm failing. I hear them talking about strategy and who they hit and who hit who, but I'm flying into a tree. I dodge the tree by going straight down and my shit crashes into a pool of water. Suddenly, I am swimming with this hot blonde, and Peter comes down too. We are all three in the pool, just relaxing, when Peter gets back in his craft and I get back in mine and we take off again. I still can't control mine for shit, and then Brendon announces that we won, so I land my UFO back into the water.

      It's me Peter and the hot girl again and we are like under a bridge but I can see the original place that we hung out before taking off a second time. I'm sort of away from Peter and the girl, feeling a little PassObs but wanting to be a part of the celebration. Suddenly, as if it were part of a movie, the girls floats over to me with a big smile on her face, and we start making out!! I'm really happy.

      Dream Fragment 4-- False Awakening After WILD

      So I am doing a WILD Journey, and I set my alarm for 5am after going to sleep at 12. I remembered to start counting in my head before falling back asleep, and this night I actually managed to get back to sleep relatively quickly. Looking back, I had read on these forums that usually WILDs will start with false awakenings in the exact bed/room you are in, so you need to get adept/used to RCing upon awakening every time.

      I didn't do that and I sat up in my dorm room bed and looked over at my roommate. The scene was kinda fuzzy but it was super weird. My roommate was sitting at the head of his bed, and there was this shirt hanging from a rack. Behind the shirt was this giant slab of meat, and it looked like he was on his computer taking notes about this slab of meat or something. I didn't say anything and nothing else was going on, but I remember thinking about how weird the whole thing was. I fell back asleep and missed my chance to LD from my WILD, but I'm glad I am noticing my FAs and that I actually successfully transitioned!

      Dream Fragment 5-- Samurai Fight

      This dream was really long, but it got cut extraordinarily short due to the morning time, and I think that messed up my recall. I had been reading The Book of Five Rings before I went to sleep, and so I had sword fighting as a theme bright inside my head for tonight.

      There was a large build-up, but me and this guy face off to fight. He starts to charge me and I have all of these thoughts running into my head like how is he going to strike, will I be able to defend, how can I win this. I was getting all excited about fighting him because part of me knew it was a dream and that it was going to be exciting. I think I was on the verge of lucidity when my roommate's alarm clock went off in my opponent's mid stride!! I was so disappointed when I found myself in my bed. It was the first time in a while that I was going to fight in a dream.
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