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non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening


Staying at school for several days without going home. But then a storm is coming and I decide to get on the 1st transportation home not to get stuck even more days. My animals are home alone and I am not sure they have sufficient food or water of it the storm won't cause damage in my home. On the way, I go buy some more food and water for everybody and somehow end up debating with some lady with a baby, who has a bigger load of work of the two of us: her with the baby or me with all my pets. We agree to disagree.

Riverstone's brother calls me, insists I have to come to his place and taste something he is brewing in the pantry. I say better not but I do taste some sort of nachos on a sauce that he prepared. He insists I taste the other thing so I go look for it at the pantry. From a window I see a couple dudes touching an unresponsive cat at a café entrance. They seem to want to pick him up but does not seem like they have something good in their mind. So I go there and push them aside and pet the cat. He reacts and slowly gets up. The guys get pissed at me for interfering and I get defensive and literally fight the smaller one. They back off a bit but come back again. All of a sudden I start feeling weird, reality perception altered and I think they drugged me somehow. I look at them and they become whiter and whiter, like beings made of porcelain with perfect white bodies, no hair and no clothes. I am apparently going through a similar transformation. They drag me to my home. The feeling is very harmonious and loving and everything looks beautiful, but I haven't forgot who they are and what the situation was before so I become defensive when they both grab me and I realize they want to rape me and drugged me so I let my barriers down. I struggle and I become wrathful. I growl and spit fire and climb walls to get out of their range. They admit they expected me to cooperate and that now they will have to be rough with me. But I grow bigger and stronger and I resist and lock myself in the kitchen. They talk to me through the door trying to reason me out. Once the drug effect is gone we actually have a conversation and they seem to become aware of their actions and apologize and say they want us to become friends. I explain we ain't friends. They say they have time.

Diogo Faro (a comedian) is in my house. We're both in bath robes like we're very intimate, but actually we're still strangers to each other and I am trying to break the ice while I cook something in the kitchen. We talk and we become friends. He invites me to come to his next shows 5 days in a row. I ask if I can go to only one or if are they all different. He says they're different. I complain it's probably too costly for me but I'll try to go to at least one. Then he asks what other comedians I like and I say I love Jon Stewart but no way he is coming to our country and I hope someday to see a show with Jon Oliver. Then a friend of his comes to pick up Diogo. While they talk I notice one of my windows is not well fit in the framework and I try to fix it. I explain to them I already had a problem with a window falling to the ground floor once and that luckily nobody was hit by it. Then his stupid friend knocks the window down just for fun. It falls down several floors. We hear screams at the ground floor and I think the worst just happened. I kick the guy out from my home and Diogo is a gentleman and takes my side and tells his friend what an asshole he is. He stays in my apartment as I go downstairs to check it out, not without first grabbing the other guy by the neck and tell him he needs to pay damages and take responsibility for injuries on likely victims. But he scrambles. I reach the street level and there is a beach party going on at the entrance of the building, which is an apartment tower by the sea. I look for any sign of someone hurt and nobody is complaining, all looks normal. I check cars in the park and none seems broken. There is an abandoned dog in the park which breaks my heart but some ladies seem to take an interest and do not leave his side, so I believe they'll help him. I move on and go a bit more to the side where there is a garden and apparently the window fell there. No person was harmed but little elves live on that garden and one of them got scared when the window fell near him and he accidentally cast a spell on a lady nearby. He gave her the body of a fat beaver but kept her human head. Everybody freaks out when they see her.

I am with Riverstone at DMV or something, dealing with some documentation. He goes somewhere else while I wait in line, so we don't waste so much time, but he takes my backpack to put in a locker nearby. Unfortunately I leave my phone inside. Then I meet 3 girls who seem to want to bond with me, they want to exchange contacts and I don't have my phone. I tell them to wait that I'll get it but they leave anyway and for a second I feel sad like "I thought we had connected". Anyway, I start looking for those lockers and realize I am in a gigantic hub of services and transportation, an endless maze of corridors with access to trains and subways, with counters of different services along the way. I become mesmerized by an ecosystem of tiny crustaceans that seem to inhabit some old carpet under a counter of some public service and I lay on the ground just admiring how they attract flies on silky sticky strings and then eat them and communicate with one another through the strings. But I need to move on and I go randomly in the direction I think is the correct one. I reach some escalators. There is a normal one to the right, one coming down on the left and one in the center with strange smaller steps and colors. I take that one. On reaching the top there is a guy that looks out of Street Fight and a cage where I am supposed to get in as he yells that I have taken the challenge and now I must compete. I am scared about what kind of competition it is. If I'll be dropped in an arena to fight. So I skip it and jump to a sidewalk exiting the place. Then I see the competition was a life size Mario Kart race and I regret so much having skipped it. I then chose to explore what other games are there and step into an interior amusement park. Each room is home to a game or arcade and there are kids and adults playing. I spot a friend going into a room so I follow her but then lose sight of her. I see another entrance to a darker room, seems like a movie theater, but people sit relaxed in groups around tables and they are eating. There is popcorn and candies everywhere and apparently one can eat all it wants. I grab popcorns to the left and right, there are levels and levels of shelves with displays full of sweets. It's truly the dream for any kid or glutton. Then I spot some employee looking at me and making me signs to leave and I realize I had to pay an extra ticket to be there and be able to eat. I just leave with some kind of sweet on a stick. I hear beautiful music inside a room that looks like the palace of Versailles and I dance happily until I hear some voice saying "take that girl outta there". I notice I am behind an orchestra playing to a select audience and I get out from there discreetly. Then I am busted by some Arabs who apparently are with my dad on some lunch meeting. He had spotted me and they felt compelled to meet me. They make fun of my previous fail and invite me to join them just to upset my dad. They ask me what's that I have on a stick and I say some kind of marshmallow, not sure. But they turn it around and becomes evident that it is a pigs head on the stick. I am horrified and they are disgusted. They take it away from my hands.

At my farm and a bunch of family members is there. My grandpa is there and my mom and my aunt are taking care of him. My dad, my cousin Sara and maybe her brother are also there. An ambulance is coming with the sirens on and we all think it can only be a mistake because everybody is ok. But they still park the ambulance and the nurses come out in the direction of the gate.

2017, 04-07

Enter Lothlorien

I am in a place I don’t recognize. I look around, trying to figure out where I am. I see I am very close to the foot of some tall mountains, I am in a rocky area at the foothills of the mountains. Not sure where to go, I follow the sound of a flowing river or stream. I go a little way before I find the source of the sound. The river is little more than a creek here, bubbling out of the rocks and flowing and cascading away down the foothills. I start following the stream to see where it leads. I make note of how nice a day it is for taking a walk outside. I kick myself for not bringing my phone alone, I could be getting distance on my Pokemon Go app even if there aren’t any pokemon in such a remote area.

I have not gone far before there is a flash of white light in front of me. I stop and do a double take because there are now two men standing where there was no one just seconds before. I recognize both of them right away. One of them is MoSh, and the other one is Q from Star Trek. I am surprised to see either of them here, since MoSh lives in a different country than I do and Q doesn’t exist in our world at all. When I think about that I realize this area doesn’t look like any place around my home, which is in the middle of a desert. Q smiles and even chuckles a bit. He says it’s amazing how slow the mind tends to conclude that it is dreaming. He tells me to do a reality check. I hesitate, my mind really is working rather slowly though I’m not sure why that might be. Finally I pinch my nose to do a reality check and I find I can breathe just fine even with my nose pinched. So I become lucid and then I announce to Q that I am dreaming. Q says he knows that, he’s the one who told me to do a reality check. He says the rest of the fellowship should arrive momentarily, and he was going to disappear. He then tells both MoSh and me to make sure and remember that we’re dreaming. MoSh gets down on the ground and is looking at his hand strangely. I ask what he’s doing and he says time dilation. I’m really not sure what he is talking about. I am thinking about asking Q about time dilation but when I look back I see Q has vanished.

I look over at MoSh and see he is still focused on his hand. I wait for a bit and soon a group of people come along. I recognize them from the Lord of the Rings books / movies. Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Frodo. It appears Aragorn is leading them. He does a double take when he sees me and says he thought I’d disappeared again. He says we have to hurry on our way because there will be orcs swarming from that mountain after us once it gets dark. He asks who my friend is, pointing at MoSh. I give him a name that must satisfy him, but I can’t remember what name I gave. Aragorn hurries past and tells us we had better keep up. MoSh gets up and watches Aragorn and the others pass by. I notice Frodo is hanging back a bit. I ask if he is ok. He looks like he is in pain. He says he is ok, just got the wind knocked out of him by an orc spear back there. I tell him I can help, and I focus some healing energy through him. He seems to feel better and continues at a quicker pace.

We have continued quite a while when we come to a river. Legolas is saying the river is the Nimrodel and can wash away weariness when one bathes their feet in the water. He says we will have to wade across it because there are no bridges, but it is shallow. So everyone wades across the river. It is starting to get dark out, even now dusk is settling into night. Legolas is singing a song about the Nimrodel now, but I don’t pay much attention to the words, the melody is nice. Legolas says we’d best sleep in the trees and jumps for a branch. Someone is in the tree, however, and gives him a command in a different language. I somehow understand the language, the tree dweller commanded Legolas to drop back to the ground and wait there… Legolas tells everyone else to stay still and not move. I wait for a bit and finally some elves drop from the trees. They do not seem hostile, however, just cautious.

Even as Legolas and the other elves are discussing whether or not our group can pass into Lothlorien there is a lot of noise around us and we are under attack. Aragorn expresses surprise that the orcs could have caught up so quickly, and draws his sword to fight. Legolas fires arrows and drops a few orcs before they even reach us. It suddenly occurs to me that I was going to make sure MoSh has a Witchblade. I don’t see one on his wrist so I reach into an inner pocket of my Assassin’s robes and I find a Witchblade there. I take it out and toss it to MoSh after getting his attention. He catches it and puts it on. It forms into armor and a sword as the attacking orcs get closer. The orcs are now close enough to engage in melee combat. I form my right arm into an Alex Mercer blade and then I engage the orcs in battle. My Alex Mercer blade carves through attacking orcs as fast as they can come on and attack. I’m being attacked from all directions so I use a spin attack like Link from Legend of Zelda, slicing several orcs open across the middle. I look around just in time to see MoSh remove the head of an attacking orc. Before long all of the attacking orcs have been destroyed.

After the battle is over I see some of the elves set about disposing of the orc bodies. One of the elves is over talking to Legolas, from what I can tell they are discussing whether we will be allowed to enter into Lothlorien. They finally decide that we can enter, but will have to be blindfolded. I look over and I see MoSh looking up at the trees and wandering around a bit. He says this place is beautiful and then takes off flying, much to the amazement of the fellowship and the elves. One of the elves asks me where MoSh is going. I tell the elf not to worry about where MoSh is going, he won’t cause any harm. The elf says that’s not for me to decide. I tell him that if fighting by their side to defeat the orcs isn’t proof of friendship, what is? He looks like he will say something else but then he doesn’t. I realize I still have my blade arm active and I shift it back to my normal arm. The elf says we’d best get into the trees to rest for the night, they have platforms prepared for just such use. The people in the fellowship start climbing up rope ladders that are hanging down from the trees. The elf asks if MoSh will be returning. I tell him I don’t know for sure, but I rather doubt it. And I don’t think I’ll be around for much longer, either. He asks where I would go when there are surely more orcs out there on the hunt. I tell him I can only be there in a dream, so I might be waking up at any time. He says no, that while Lothlorien may look like a place only to be found in dreams, it is most definitely real. Before I can clarify what I mean, however, everything fades to black and I wake up.

Ritual: After a year or so of initial successes with galantamine, back in 2010–11, it had stopped working very well for me to the point where I hardly ever use it anymore. But last night after going to bed late (around 3am) and waking up just before dawn, I still felt heavy enough with sleep that I thought I might give it a shot. (Galantamine is a stimulant, so the main risk is not being able to get back to sleep.) I took one of the red pills from a bottle of "Dream Leaf," which I had nearly given up on since it had never worked for me before, possibly because I only tried it long after I had gotten "over" galantamine. I know the red pills contain galantamine from the distinctive effects, but I must say that it greatly bothers me that this supplement neglects to identify the presence of galantamine on the label, or even on their website, much less clarify the actual dosage. In fact, I would go so far as to call this obfuscation shamefully irresponsible and borderline criminal. Galantamine is a powerful substance that should never be given to people without their knowledge. So for ethical reasons I dislike this particular supplement and definitely would not recommend it, but galantamine is galantamine, and on this occasion it actually worked. Woke and wrote at 9, so I'm a bit underslept with a slight galantamine hangover, but it's been so long since I've had this sensation that I'm almost enjoying it.

I've always found galantamine dreams a bit superficial, but that's not always a bad thing. My recent attempts to force dream events to unfold in a detailed and realistic way, in the name of quality, often prove counter-productive. Sometimes a little "cowboying" is necessary to get the job done, especially in the inherent instability of the dream environment. So tonight's dreams were ultimately successful, but not exactly Masterpiece Theatre.

WILD, "Fading Gift": I was lying on my back in bed, and recognized I was in dream even as I started making elaborate sweeping gestures with my hands, but continued gesturing for a while to increase my sense of motor control. At one point I closed my eyes and scratched my scalp, and I was amazed that the sensations felt exactly like like waking life. "I am the dreamer," I murmured a few times, as if to fix the idea in mind.

I recalled how often I make unnecessary difficulties for myself at this transitional stage and told myself that if I was already dreaming, I didn't need a ton of preamble before getting out of bed—I should just get up. So I did, and it was fine. I've really been wanting to do the "finding a leftover present" TOTM, so I started looking around the room. (As has become typical lately, the room did not resemble my bedroom in WL.) I looked under the dresser, on the table... nothing so far. I felt a slight contradiction in my mental outlook: on the one hand, the best way to find the present would be to expect or even to will it to be there, but on the other hand, since it was a present I wanted to be surprised rather than force the issue. So I allowed myself only a vague expectation and kept looking. I found a wooden cabinet much like the one in my office and when I opened the door there were a few presents on the middle shelf. The first two I noticed, very small objects, I rejected as not quite right. Although they were loosely covered in wrapping, it wasn't taped down, so it looked like they had already been opened and then put back.

I kept looking and on the left side of the shelf was the perfect gift: a wide cylinder about six inches high wrapped in red and white paper with a red ribbon rising vertically on four sides to form a neat bow at the top. The paper looked familiar at first so I studied it for a moment, but it was not any pattern I've seen before. It consisted of thin white lines on a red background, but they were awkwardly curving and abstract, like an elaborate doodle.

Just as I started to open the present, I felt the dream begin to fade. I moved quickly, trying to open the box in the little time I had left. When the top came off, I plunged in my hand and felt... tissue paper. I was almost awake now, and as I reached past the tissue paper I felt like I crossed that indiscernable border between dreaming and waking consciousness. Or maybe it is not so indiscernible: what had just disappeared was my sense of touch, without which the dream had lost its tangibility. Vision lingered a little longer, and I saw my hand pull out a thick gold chain the length of a necklace, sparsely ornamented with tiny flowers that were each composed of four thin petals of white enamel. I was dissatisfied, however, not only with the gift itself (I don't care much for jewelry and this was definitely not my style), but with the fact that the dream was fading so fast that I couldn't determine to what extent dream imagination or waking imagination (not that I clearly understand the difference!) had determined the nature of the gift.

I went back to sleep, resolving to try to get lucid again and complete the task in a more satisfactory way.

DILD, "Elephant Ride": I was lying in bed but felt uncomfortable, realized I was still wearing day clothes, including a bra. Ugh, had I passed out last night? As I removed it, I noticed it was a lacy underwire thing that didn't even look familiar. I wanted to get back to sleep but the television was on loudly, so I tried to find the remote to turn it off. There were four or five remotes on top of the dresser, and I pressed the power button on all of them but nothing worked. On a couple, the image would cut out as though it were turning off but then come right back, and other remotes had no effect at all. Fine, I'll pull the damn plug, I thought grumpily, but the TV was mounted on the wall and on closer inspection it seems the wiring was concealed behind the wall. I settled for muting the volume (at least that worked) and turning the screen to the side, which accomplished little but expressed my annoyance with the device. [Possible source: I just got back from visiting my mom, where the TV was on loudly in the mornings, making it hard to read or work.]

I headed back toward the bed, but suddenly realized I must be dreaming. That would explain the difficulty I just had with the televisions, at least! And with the realization came the memory of my earlier lucid episode and my dissatisfaction with the TOTM I had attempted. I was pleased with the chance to try again.

Looking around, I soon spotted a wrapped gift on the bedside table. It was a small square box, around two inches wide and one inch high, made of that shiny gold cardboard that is common in gift boxes, and wrapped with a red ribbon. I started to untie the ribbon and realized that I was wearing gloves. At first I thought it an oddity, but quickly understood that it was just the dream's way of representing the slight awkwardness I felt in my fingers as I tried to complete this fine motor activity. I considered pulling off the gloves but recognized that it would just be a pointless waste of time, and decided instead to ignore them. At least they were thin gloves, and didn't impede me that much in my attempt to open the box. By the time it was open, they were gone.

This time I was very pleased with what I found in the box. It looked like a single confection of some sort. "Perfect, I love food!" I thought to myself happily. I pulled it out and looked it over. It was not very distinguished in shape, light brown in color and vaguely round, but a bit lumpy. There was a darker spot in the center like a piece of chocolate. [Possible source: I've been eating my mother's Christmas cookies, which have a spot of apricot jam covered with chocolate in the center. They have a much firmer texture overall than this one did, though.] The surface was dry but felt a bit pliant between my fingers, a sort of rubbery texture.

I bit into the confection and found the mouthfeel similar to what the outer texture had led me to anticipate. There was just the hint of a thin crust, and then the inside was soft but chewy. It reminded me of mochi but was firmer and easier to chew. At this point I was analyzing it with the idea of possibly attempting to recreate it in waking life. I knew that it would have to be based on glutinous rice flour. However, the overall taste was lightly chocolatey and fruity. I looked where I had bitten and distinctly saw raisins, both black and gold. There were also pieces of another fruit that was harder to identify. It had faint striations that reminded me of the fresh jackfruit I had eaten last night in WL (so that was probably the source), but this had the texture of a dried fruit. Can jackfruit be dried and baked into cookies? I couldn't say. If not, I thought that dried apricot might work just as well. The taste could have been either; it was hard to tell with all the other flavors going on. I finished the confection and found it very satisfying. If I ever do manage to recreate something like this, I'll have to post the recipe here!

I felt that I had now completed the TOTM satisfactorily, so what next? I looked around the room, and wondered if I should just leave through the door and go exploring. But somehow that is never very satisfying; I usually get better results when I am pursuing a specific idea of some sort, even when the results are not what I expected. The dream felt reasonably stable, so I wondered if I might attempt one of the TOTYs. I recalled the "riding" theme, but unfortunately, I hadn't looked at the list lately and couldn't remember the specifics very well. There was a window here... maybe I could summon a bird and ride it through the night sky? That sounded fun, but I didn't think it was on the list. The only one I could clearly remember was the elephant ride, because my studies have given me such a distinct impression of how elephants were used in battle in pre-modern Siam. I had always planned to try that one, but how do I get from my dream bedroom to pre-modern Siam?

I tried to remember the transportation spell from Harry Potter, but the command wasn't coming to me. All I could recall was "flue" something, and anyway there were no fireplaces in this bedroom (unlike my WL bedroom, which does have one!) I decided my best bet was probably the window. I knew you needed to mount an elephant from someplace high, so if I could summon one over, I could probably just descend from the window directly to its back. Then once I was on the elephant, it would be easier to get to Siam. On the way to the window, I felt impelled to opened the middle drawer of the dresser as I walked past. It was nearly empty, with just a few stray pieces of clothing... but in the far right corner was the gleam of gold. It was a pile of chocolate coins! You know the ones, disks of chocolate wrapped in gold foil stamped like currency. These were a few different sizes. I realized these might come in handy if I ended up having to buy the elephant, so I grabbed a handful and put them in my pocket.

I opened the window and felt the cool night air. The window was on the second storey, as I had anticipated, but looking out, I actually recognized that this looked nothing like my house. To the left, I could see a garage door extending perpendicularly to the wall my window was in. The house appeared to be painted beige. Across the driveway, which ran next to this wall to meet the garage, there was a wide grassy yard bordered by trees. I looked up at the night sky above the trees to see if there were any familiar constellations, and immediate recognized Orion. Of course... it seems anywhere I go, I see Orion, even in a dream. He was at an angle, almost on his side, just over the treetops... but not exactly the same in WL. At first I counted four stars in his belt, instead of the usual three. The more I looked at it, the more stars accumulated, but only in certain areas, so pretty soon Orion appeared to be wearing not only a belt, but also a brassiere, which amused me, and a crown. The crown had spikes pointing upward, like the common representation of crowns in modern iconography, but matching spikes adorned the brassiere and belt. At this point the whole shape of the constellation was getting a bit thin and stretched, and while I'm sure these transformations could go on indefinitely, right now I needed an elephant.

I knew my husband was in the next room, probably working, and even though I suspected this was dream logic, I hesitated to shout lest I annoy him. (Though I suppose it is still reasonable not to want to annoy the dream husband.) So I tried to summon the elephant quietly. Nothing happened. After trying for a bit without results, I decided to take a more dramatic approach. I stepped through the window and jumped, setting my intention for there to be an elephant down there, so I could land on its back.

There wasn't. But the results were promising nonetheless... from unconstructed dream space, I managed to conjure something plausibly like the interior of a palace in Siam. It was a bit of a hack job, without much detail, and I confess the throne was far too low (must not have been the formal audience hall), but it was sufficient for my purposes. There were various ministers standing around (another embarrassingly inaccurate detail; no courtiers would stand in the presence of the king in early nineteenth-century Siam! Good gracious!) and the king was on the throne, but a bit vague. My initial impression was that he resembled the recently deceased Rama IX, but that troubled me because I was going for an earlier era. I tried to make him look more like Rama III, but it wasn't working very well, so in the end I just didn't look too closely. At any rate, the king was vague enough that he didn't quibble when I handed over my handful of chocolate coins and requested an elephant. I didn't feel like getting into complex negotiations; I just allowed myself assume the success of the transaction and walked away.

As I exited the interior of the palace and momentarily noticed the bright sunlight reflecting off the whitewashed arch of the doorway, I felt a flash of familiarity. Of course, I thought to myself, This must be the Grand Palace, I've been here a few times. I let my memory conjure something akin to the elephant-mounting station I remembered observing there, and walked over to it. There was no elephant there presently, so I waited for someone to bring it around... and started getting impatient. No one seemed to be doing much, or paying attention to my repeated request. They must not understand English, I considered. I'll have to try it in Thai.

"Chang!" I shouted, the Thai word for elephant. "Ma nee!" I realized how rude I must sound: while "ma nee" would probably be correctly understood as "come here," or, given the contextual clues, "bring it here" as I had intended, it was a terribly rough and simple way of speaking. It was the sort of thing you might say to call a dog. I hadn't even appended a perfunctory "kha" at the end. But then I started wondering what level of politeness would be proper in this situation. I was in the palace, which made things more difficult, because royal Thai is another ballgame altogether. But what was my own social standing here? In speaking roughly I was assuming a great deal of authority... maybe that was not so bad in this situation. Fortunately, I saw my elephant being brought around before I was able to go too deep down the rabbit hole of Thai honorifics.

It was a disappointing elephant, by any standards... not only small but kind of flabby and soft, a cartoonish cross between a real baby elephant and Dumbo. Moreover it was completely unadorned, with no harness or howdah. I momentarily wondered if the lack was due to an inadequate mental impression of what a howdah should look like? But no, I could picture it clearly enough in my imagination... it just wasn't on the elephant. I guess that's what I get for being rude to the staff. To add insult to injury, they didn't even properly lead the elephant to the mounting station—though it was probably too small to get on from there anyway—they just dumped it on the stairs, where it crumpled over weakly. On the bright side, this made it easy to clamber up on its neck, so I did so and prepared to forge on.

I knew I had to enter a battle, so we promptly exited the city. I had thought to do this properly on a magnificent war elephant with a howdah and a driver and four soldiers to guard the legs—I've seen plenty of paintings and movies of proper war elephants in action—but instead I was alone, bareback with no weapon, on the most pathetic elephant I've ever seen. But at least in dream there was no risk of actually falling in battle, so I figured I could make do.

We had barely gone past the city walls when I saw the invaders approaching from the jungle. That wasn't much of a stretch; it seemed like Ayutthaya was always under attack. (I had originally envisioned myself in Bangkok, but had already slipped back to an earlier era more appropriate for elephant combat). The invaders were on horseback, I noticed, and I was relieved to see that they were only coming in ones and twos, given that I was going to have to take them on alone. They had long black hair and Asian features, and naturally I assumed that they were Burmese... until I got close enough to swing at one and saw the pointed ears. Elves?! Last night I was playing Witcher II and Pillars of Eternity, and the portrait of Aloth in the latter game closely resembled these invaders, but I wasn't sure why they were showing up here. Also, I'm fond of elves and felt loathe to fight them. Fortunately, our combat was more play-acting than anything. I had a good mental image of the kind of long-handled glaive I should be wielding, but though I swung it toward the elves and they gamely mimed being struck, the weapon did not visibly appear in my hands—and I was thankful that it drew no blood.

So I marched forward on my pathetic elephant, going through the motions of bashing the elves (elves?!) with my invisible glaive, while they went through the motions of being knocked aside, until the jungle started to coalesce into a new kind of space, a kind of wide passage under an increasingly low ceiling. The texture of the ceiling interested me, and from my position atop the elephant I could reach up and just touch it. It was covered with a kind of thick cloth, like a yellowish patterned felt, and I reached into the seams between two pieces and felt something hard and smooth. I pulled it out and found an object streaked with yellow and brown that resembled a wild bird's egg, but it was too hard and irregular, so I thought it must be a stone. I slipped it into my pocket. The felt overhead was gaping at the seams so I grabbed it and tore it off, revealing a kind of wide hatch with a knob for a handle. I wondered what it might be concealing so I pulled it open... and found the dream space deconstructing, muffling me in a soft blankety texture. Instinctively I tried to protect myself by putting the stone I had just found in my mouth, but I was still being enveloped in the stuff. I tried to pull at it with my hands, and as my fingers sank into it I was struck by the familiarity of the texture, like coarse sheep's wool—not the clean feel of a fleece, but the dirty, oily texture it has when it is still on the sheep. That was the last thing I felt before waking.

Dream 1 - War
The context of the dream was that we were in the Middle Earth universe and there were elves who refused to help the mortal races or something.
A female elf similar to Arwen had joined Rohan's side in a skirmish to convince her father, the elven king of (Mirkwood maybe?) to join their side. I remember a huge amount of mounted horsemen charging forward, lead by the elf girl, for some reason we were absolutely thrashing the elves and storming through them. There was another elf on our side and he somewhat resembled Legolas. They began to route and after continuing to chase them the only one left was the elf king. He reached the forest edge with the Rohirrim right behind him and started skirting the forest instead of going into it. The reason was because soldiers began to emerge from behind the trees, and at this point I remembered that we had established reinforcements in the forest to ambush the elves. From the group of horsemen in pursuit of the king, the elf girl shot out on a white horse really fast. As an elf she is supposedly meant to be really fast on horses or something . She dismounted the king but he continued to fight, that male elf leapt after him and began freezing his legs with a stream of ice magic. The king was resistant to magic and the ice was rapidly thawing, though it still slowed him enough for someone to grab him. The king continued to resist, his elven pride relentless, and then I woke up .

Dream 2 - Cops

Spoiler for Warning, R18(ish) content!:

This dream was pretty sexual, like full blown sex with 2 girls inside a house. One was a blonde and the other had straight black hair, I felt like I was in a porno or something. At some point I was on a bench outside having sex with another girl (though there was no obvious transition, it just happened?). The girl put something on my wang and I have no way of describing it, it just didn't make sense or even serve a purpose. Kind of like a decoration or something? But it didn't even serve the purpose of looking like it could be a decoration... Anyways! A couple policemen turn up in their car, we're getting told off but I argue with them using the law. For some reason I'm actually not in the wrong, they just don't like me so they're trying to get me in trouble. I decide to get a lawyer and he starts debating the case for me, there's 5 other 'good' policemen who are nearby and they know they I'm innocent but they don't want to get involved since they're fresh on the force. This is all happening outside while I'm on the bench probably half naked as well.

Dreams 3 - Ancient tortoises
I was somewhere with a small fungi-covered tortoise that could talk, we were outside and the scenery was bland. There was some dream-context to this, we were meditating to reach some sort of state or possibly just a certain age. The tortoise left at one point to head to the place where all the ancient tortoises go when they've reached that 'level'. I think I headed there with him, but my memory gets a little confused here.
I'm at the place where tortoises go, but only when I get there do I actually know that it's the place where tortoises go. I look around and realize that what at first look like a green-fungi ridden stone was actually another ancient tortoise.
"That must be your dad?" I asked the tortoise.
"No, that's my wife. She did get to meet my dad before moving here though" the tortoise replied, I guess that means that his wife is a bit older than him?
Looking around I can spot about 5 more tortoises sitting still. The scenery is like a desert, there's a palm tree in front of me and some small green tussocks of grass that are around too. It looks like the Sahara meets Tropical rain forest, though with more sand? The reason the tortoises come here is because of the old man sitting cross-legged near the palm tree on a little sandy slope. His hair is white and his skin is a deep tan. He's really old and looks quite withered, I know that he wouldn't respond if I tried to get his attention and for some reason I the thought of even talking to him doesn't seem possible anyways. Like he was god or something?
The confusing part in my memory is that now I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing the journey towards where the tortoise and I were heading. The tortoise isn't there this time, and I'm walking through jungle that has some sand scattered on the ground here and there.. There's maybe 2 other people with me as well. The jungle is really dangerous, everything seems alive and at one point a plant opened up revealing these thin long vines with little sharp jaws at the ends, I clambered away from it as it tried to nip me. Straight after I looked up a slope to where we needed to go, just beyond would be the end. I remember seeing 'me' climb it, but from 3rd-person. At the top was a wooden log and I fell on my ass for some reason, only to have a GIANT python land next to me! I clambered up over the log and ran for it. The python didn't even bother noticing me .

I'm wading through icy water, tracking someone down. It's dark, the water looks black, and there's this mist in the air, I can't see very far. There's bodies floating in the water, wrapped in cloth. There's another man here with me, he calls me by the name of Logan. I'm focused on the dampness in the air - it caused problems earlier when we couldn't get a fire to catch.

Thinking about fire makes me see another time, standing in a large stone hall, standing off to the left of the woman presiding over some ceremony, having to remain still throughout her speech, wearing armor, uncomfortable. There were rows of people arranged in front of us, and as she called each of them up she'd hand them a lit candle, symbolic, but I was looking at those candles and thinking of them as never enough to hold off the chill.

Back in the icy water, we've found the person we were looking for in a little area surrounded by bare trees. He's standing off to one side and watching an old woman perform some kind of ceremony, something like a funeral for the old ruler here - I have a vague impression of something strung up among the trees, either the last ruler's bones themselves or at least something representing them. She knows who we are. She tells me that just because I've killed the old ruler, that doesn't make this place mine. The territory is passed down through the blood, and there's still someone with the elf blood to inherit it - the man we've been tracking down. He's not related to the old ruler, and he's more human than anything else, as is she, but that doesn't matter; this territory will remain in the hands of his people, not mine.

The man in question objects to this - this is a situation being forced on him. He tells me he's sorry. The guy who'd tracked him down with me makes some sarcastic comment, telling him to quit the humble act; but I believe him, this isn't something he'd wanted. Nonetheless, the old woman's in the right; there's nothing I can do here, we've lost. I tell him it's all right. It's only when I speak and hear the tone in my voice that I (the dreamer side of me) realize he and I (the character side of me) had been sleeping together; we're most likely going to have to end that now.

The old woman resumes her ceremony, now involving him. It doesn't take long, just a few words. There's a wreath of pale yellow flowers which he accepts from her; as soon as the ceremony's done he drops it and it falls apart in the water. I'm thinking of the moment I first met him, when he'd been locked up in a cell.

Morning of January 3, 2015. Saturday.



My non-lucid manipulation of my newer dreams have gotten somewhat amusing as I am still seemingly focused on working mainly with my fingers and metaphorically “entering codes” in various atypical ways, some “technological”, some “magical”. This one was extraordinarily long but I will summarize the main sections.

The beginning scenes relate to some sort of miniature people, which are likely to be closest to the concept of brownies or elves. There are thirty of them living under a particular house, though I am not sure if it is my family’s home. They have extensive conversations of how humans no longer see them or regard them in certain ways, which seems problematic for their continuing livelihood. This ties in with some later scenes long after some completely different scenes take place, all in all, about three different plots. Most of the brownies or elves are older males.

The next scene related to the brownies or elves involves being in an unfamiliar residence. My youngest son is there as well as my (deceased) sister Marilyn and several others, some unknown. My son seems slightly ill, with a mild cough. I get the impression that I should call on one of the thirty brownies that live under the floorboards of the house. I seem to automatically know how to do this even though most people have no idea about the inherent “call for help” system. I tap the fingers of my left hand in a particular precise pattern (somewhat like Morse code), which will supposedly bring about aid from the magical beings. After I tap out the code on an end table next to me to my left, I wait. I look towards the partly open curtains in the large doorway farther to my left. I expect something or someone to appear but I am not certain of what or who. I am aware that no one else suspects something unusual will happen or knows that a magical being may soon appear from behind the cloth curtains, which hang to about three inches from the floor.

After a short time, a small younger male “creature” appears and walks into the large room. Instead of one of the previously established brownies of only about two inches tall, he is about three feet high with somewhat darker but yellowish skin and is wearing a plaid kilt and also has some sort of animal fur (somewhat like a brown mink stole - but seemingly more relative to a religious garment) draped over one shoulder. Without pausing, he goes to my son and takes away his cough with some sort of brief ritual.

Later, I am outside with my sister Marilyn and others (including a few relatives of my brother-in-law’s) in an unfamiliar area in an unknown region. They mostly appear as they did during the mid-1980s. I am somehow manipulating time - which will supposedly help my sister somehow (regarding her declining health). A large tree falls over dramatically not that far from us. I am aware that in an alternate reality, this is what killed her earlier on in life. She is to my right and seems okay except for a mild cough. I feel a bit sad in knowing she has already died in one “alternate” reality.

I play with time in my dream and even tell the other characters what I am doing. I deliberately cause my dream to rewind by five seconds and point this out by telling another character to watch the clock. Logically, they should not be aware I am doing this if everything is rewinding (which would “logically” include their own viewpoint rewinding as well and erase their memory), but they do note it, and seem surprised I am able to do this. Eventually, I pretend to make a “mistake” by causing my dream to rewind (relative to the ongoing scene and setting anyway) by half an hour. Eventually, my dream seems to be “playing” with me by accelerating time forward a bit during certain times the clock moves backwards. Eventually, it is near dusk, although the clock shows that it should be morning.

In another section, I am flying over cars in a long tunnel. There is an overpass structure within the tunnel which almost seems to be part of a residence for a time, as I notice a refrigerator near one corner (it may even be part of my house but elevated a bit above the traffic). A foreman from the factory I worked at years ago is there. I fight another character for a time as we do martial arts in midair over the cars. At one point, I throw him into a wall and he disappears even though he seemed fairly confident of his skills at first. I am not hurt in any way.

The foreman asks for my help due to a car carrier crashing into his parked bulldozer while he was on it while the car carrier was going up the overpass and not having enough clearance. I try to get to him quickly as he is still speaking to me, but he keeps falling and rolling down through the rest of the traffic. Eventually, he is run over several times and flattened by his own bulldozer, which somehow slides down past other cars and trucks. The car carrier loses its cars as well; they fall back, hitting some of the other cars that are going through the tunnel and creating havoc though some drivers do not seem to notice at all.

Even though the other male is killed and completely flattened (though without that much blood or gore) I am able to effortlessly resurrect him as his body completely rejuvenates and heals, though he only thanks me in a manner that he seems to think I had only pulled him out from a difficult space from under a part of his wrecked bulldozer. I do not mention what had really happened to him.

Somehow, I am Arnold Schwarzenegger in the prime of his body building career. Jogging down the street, a pack of vicious beasts, sort of like a cross between wild boars, and jackals, surrounds me, snarling and baring their teeth. Saliva dripping from their mouths, they intend to tear me to pieces. One of them jumps at me, I grab it by the upper jaw and my other hand on its lower jaw, and rip its face in half. The other beasts see this and run away, leaving me in peace.

I remember that it is very important to retrieve something from a nearby store. Something that is rightfully mine, that I now have to 'steal' to recover. I go into the store, and find it. That was easy. I turn around to leave, but the staff, all magical elves, are blocking my exit, telling me to put it back. I know I'm just doing what's right here, so I ignore them and walk through a group of them. I'm too big for them to stop me, and their pulling at my arms and legs hardly slows me down at all.

One of the elves jumps up in front of me, and sprinkles some glittery powder all over my hands and the objects I am holding. It burns a little, but not very much. The elf laughs as he hops away at they let me leave. Before I get to the exit, everything I am holding starts fading in and out of reality, eventually disappearing all together. Now I understand what that powder was for - to keep people from walking out with stuff without paying for it...

Kuroshitsuji-based. I'm looking at a sort of frozen image of two people - as a disembodied observer, I can move around and look at this scene from different angles, but time isn't moving. Two figures in heavy fur-lined coats that cover them completely. I can't see their faces, but I'm aware the tall one in black is Sebastian, and the small one in white that he's carrying is Ciel and also myself. I'm focusing on the hood of Ciel/my coat - the opening for the face is completely in shadow, and something about the deepness and the blackness of that opening and the fact that the face can't be seen makes me feel sure he's a demon.

I'm about to enter a temple, together with three or four friends and family. We're standing around an outdoor sink where you wash your hands before entering the temple, and I'm looking around and thinking about the beauty of the entrance. Over to the left there's a separate building that's also part of the temple compound, but not sacred, and when I realize the others haven't been there before, I insist we go see it first. There's a line to purchase entrance - which is very expensive - and they don't understand what this other place is, so I explain it to them while we're waiting in line. This building, the McKittrick, was built by an eccentric rich man who filled it with all manner of strange collections over his life. After he died, it was bought by a woman who- (My memory's vague about what I said that woman did, but it was something to do with folklore. Elves were specifically mentioned, prompting a scene change.)

Third person, outside that building, it's night now. Three strange-looking figures that I think of as elves are standing around, agitated about something, waiting to execute some plan.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

A friend of mine introduces me to a woman he's in love with - who turns out to be a living weapon sent to kill me. But she herself hadn't realized that; she was a sleeper agent, some kind of machine, programmed to become a weapon again the moment she saw me. It's painful to watch her personality disappear. I'm angry at the people who created her, and also blaming myself for involving both her and my friend. I try to take care of the situation without my friend finding out what's happening.

This ultimately ends in a chase scene where I'm running from that friend. I go semi-lucid while flying to avoid him. There's a small stand of trees at the edge of the property, and as I reach them, I decide to change scenes; I stop among the trees and focus on the feel of the branches around me, trying to change the scene to a dense forest. When I stop focusing on the feel and look around again, I'm not in a forest, but the grass is much taller and the buildings around have vanished, and the friend I was running from flies over my head without seeing me.

I went semi-lucid during a nightmare - a scene involving IRL characters - and wanted to change the scene in order to get away from the nightmare. I had a false awakening - possibly two, memory's vague on this point - either way, I eventually wound up in my IRL bedroom, lucid (now unsure on whether or not I lost lucidity in between).

The room's dark, and I'm frustrated, feeling trapped. I've got the impression I'm stuck in some in-between state, not dreaming properly (whatever that means) and not able to wake myself up, and I'm trying to escape this state. I'm thinking about lack of control, and I look at an object in my hand and turn it into a sword, thinking of this as somewhat pointless, and thinking something about the way the dim light affects this. I find myself moving along the ceiling, as if I'm held up there against my will. There are two windows, and I manage to claw my way over to one while avoiding being pulled toward the other. I slide it open and tear out the screen (I was thinking something I can't recall in detail, something about the way the window responds to my actions by opening or not opening due to it being a part of a dream rather than a physical window), and with great effort manage to crawl through the window.

On the other side, I'm floating over water, surrounded by cliffs and hills covered in snow. It's night. There are wooden buildings and people outside, dressed in clothes from at least a few centuries ago. My perspective is moving, but I'm still partway in the window; when I look behind me, I can see the window hovering in midair. I'm moving toward the town center, and I can hear people talking - not a language I understand, but from some of the words I catch I believe it to be German, or some variant of it. There's some event about to take place, I believe it's something religious, some ritual.

I enter a building. Memory goes spotty here again, but eventually I wound up speaking with an old woman who gave an impression of beauty and power. To her left was a woman sitting asleep in a throne, dressed in a costume that could have been straight from the LotR movie elves - I specifically compared it to a costume while I was looking at her. I wondered if she was Julia. (It's unusual that it's something I wondered about, as opposed to just knowing.) The old woman was telling me about her plans, including something she was going to discard, and I requested that she give me that thing. She was surprised but amused and granted my request, but afterward I thought of this as a missed opportunity - I became distracted by the thing she gave me, I should have just listened and followed along with her.

As Louis, I'm standing next to Lestat and looking down into the hold of a ship. It seems very dark, and I'm remembering a previous incident where he left me trapped somewhere. I tell him, "I've learned," and we're not going to go through that again. He acts exasperated, like I'm being ridiculous, and of course he wouldn't do that to me again, that was centuries ago, don't be so paranoid.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

After trouble trying to talk to my IRL father on the phone - I couldn't hear him clearly, but I also couldn't make the phone disconnect - I'm now meeting him at some event. I'm trying to save four or five seats, but that causes trouble with the people next to me; I get the seats I wanted, but the group of teenage guys sitting next to us are annoyed with me now. The one right next to me puts his feet up on the row of seats in front of us at an angle, crowding into my space, until he's practically in my lap. I call him a gay slur, then immediately wonder why I said that; meanwhile, he backs off and looks hurt. One of the other guys with him starts getting into my face, and at one point he suggests that maybe everyone here is dead - "I'm dead, you're dead, we're all dead," in a sing-song tone. I say to him, sure. Land of the dead, dreams, Underhill, it's all the same thing. Everyone around me has a rather unpleasant look on their face after that, and I think it's because I mentioned that this is a dream; then I think that this only happened because I picked up that expectation from other lucid dreamers. In any case, I get up and walk out of the room into the hall.

Thinking about that Underhill reference, I think it's important that I find elves - they're much preferable to the people who think they're dead - and I look for a door, but this building is built on an open sort of plan, with rooms opening onto each other at strange angles, not easy for me to control. I eventually come around to the back of the building and walk out a door, trying to use the door as a portal and thinking about elves, but feeling like I had only limited success. The door opens onto a stable, and there's a car parked here, and a woman in a ballgown getting into the car with a man who's wearing a uniform indicating he works here. On a closer look, he looks rather elfish. I think about hitching a ride.

Bit of a fragmented memory after that - I don't wind up getting into the car, but me and that guy walked out of that stable and into the woods, where we had some encounter with someone else. False awakening after that: waking up in an unfamiliar bedroom, I get my journal out of my backpack beside the bed and start writing down a dream about a (nonexistent) vampire movie involving that woman in the ballgown; as I was writing I believed it to be based on a real movie.

There's a kid who's gone down to the docks and started talking to a homeless woman there. He's already seen the events that are about to happen, and he wants be sure he's near her at a certain moment. She's fishing with a stick with a string tied to the end of it. She says to the kid she's "not fishing, just putting out bait."

There's a private party, all women, that's rented out the restaurant at an inn. There's some drama going on and the cook got stressed out and overwhelmed, he took a break in the garden out back and someone else, the former cook, is filling in. He's not human; he's something large, bulbous, vaguely frog-like. At the moment, the human girl acting as a waitress is standing in front of him saying "Um... um... um..." and he suggests what she's trying to say - that the other cook's just about recovered, so it's okay for him to go now - and when she nods gratefully, he takes off his apron and lumbers off. The boss, an elfish creature, walks over to him. In the boss's POV now, I say to him, "You knew staying here would change the way she sees things." That is, the illusions that make the humans see us as human were bound to eventually stop working on her. "Why didn't you say something to her before now?" He sort of grunts.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

There's a little girl who's seen a glimpse of a woman in her house that no one else saw. As a disembodied observer, I'm thinking she reminds me of the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, although this one's not particularly old, and she may or may not have a face. I like her. Now the girl's in the bed that she shares with her sister, both of them under the covers, except for her hand. She feels a touch on her hand, snatches it away under the covers, and asks her sister if that was her. The answer is no. The girl peeks out from under the covers and sees that there's no one there. But the moment she puts her head out from under the covers to look around, the rest of the covers are ripped off the bed, and the woman, who was standing by the head of the bed out of sight, says "Finally."

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

A man's holding a vial of some kind of virus. He's meant to add a second vial holding some blue liquid to it for some plan that's about to be carried out, but there's something wrong - this isn't the fake that had been prepared, it's the real virus. What happened to the fake? The scene changes briefly to show it back at the lab, where the real virus should be. I switch to the POV of that man with the vial and decide we're going to have to go ahead with the plan, it just means that what we're about to do is less of a bluff than I'd like. I add the blue substance to the vial. Something red like blood forms on the top as the two substances mix.

In a scene I think of as "Five days in," a man is meeting up with someone named Hugh. Hugh's sitting on a dock with blood around his mouth, one arm slung casually over his dog, greets him with "Hey man," and generally is completely relaxed and sees nothing wrong. The man meeting him is bothered by seeing 'immortals so much older than me' losing control.

A fragment involving a city made out of pieces of every road built in the past century.

A sort of ancient China-based fantasy setting. Someone's left an offering of a fish for me at my shrine, and I'm suspicious of it, so I only take a taste. It turns out to be fine. Now I feel regret; if I'd known it was good, I would have eaten the whole thing. From my perspective, after I tasted it, the rest turned to stone; I'm aware the humans offering it would have seen it differently.

Nearby, there's a man talking with his wife in their home late at night. He's going through a sort of existential despair, and he's sort of thinking through it out loud, talking more to himself than to his wife. Someone else appears and tells him that this existential despair is good, it's an indication that it's time for him to move on to the next stage of life, to become immortal. The man totally buys it. I'm a disembodied observer, but I still have the mindset of the character from the shrine in the previous scene, and I'm extremely irritated with that new person/creature. I think of this man and his wife as mine, and I don't appreciate others attempting to mislead and take advantage of them.

Outside - I remain in 3rd person POV and lose that shrine character's mindset. That couple's house is part of a small complex of several buildings enclosed by a wall, and elsewhere within that wall there's a woman who hunts demons, dressed like a man, chasing after a three-eyed crow, with another woman (a local, not a demon hunter) trying to keep up with her. They don't manage to catch it; it flew over the wall, and it didn't seem at all concerned about its pursuers. She's seen that crow before, the one controlling it has caused trouble for her in the past.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I'm traveling through a forest, and changing into a suit of chainmail. It's gleaming white, head to toe.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

A fantasy China setting again. There's an elf woman dressed all in white, head to toe, and there are two men taking her over to an island in a rowboat. One of the men is young, the other is middle-aged and has been recently disgraced in some way, he's cut off his hair to reflect that. Reaching the island she wants to go to involves passing through several veil-like things in the air covering the opening between two cliffs.

When they reach the town on the other side of that passage, the older man immediately jumps out of the boat and heads off through the streets, moving quickly. As a disembodied observer, I follow him, and I'm thinking that I've seen this scene before, from the younger man's POV. (Which is probably a false memory, but there's a chance it's true - it's true that I was in the young man's POV in a scene just before the rowboat, and I can only remember very vague fragments of that scene.) I'm thinking now that last time, that man had met up with us after we'd taken care of some business, just before we left the island. I had wondered what he was doing while he was gone, but he'd refused to say, he's always very secretive - I'm pleased I'm going to be able to find out now. (Of course, as soon as I thought that, I woke up.)

I'm aware T. is going to rob my home and kill me tonight, as if I'd seen the future. I took some steps in preparation for that, but I believed that what is going to happen can't be averted. However, it turns out I'd misinterpreted something: while T. really was robbing the place, the killer turns out to be someone else, a stranger who broke in with a knife. T. and some other people who live here help fight him off. We get to the scene I knew was coming, when the knife's supposed to cut deeply into my shoulder and stop just above my heart, and I wonder if I'll be able to feel pain in a dream. I decide to have the scene go a different way instead, I close my eyes and imagine that T. and the others hold him back enough that the knife turns aside. When I open my eyes again, the stranger is on the floor, dead.

I decide to perform "Deedlit's healing spell." (It's been years since I watched Lodoss - did Deedlit even have a healing spell? - I think this was mostly some generic mental association between elves and healing.) I say something I no longer remember, a phrase in English something like a prayer, and there's a warm gold glowing light around my hands, which I hold over the dead man until he revives, though he remains quietly on the floor. I then repeat the spell with the others in the room, although they don't seem to have any wounds, and they're surprised but appreciate it. I leave the room and go to heal my IRL sister L., who in the dream lives next door, waking her up in the process. I then go down the hall to find T. again and heal him too.

Me and T. talk for a while, and as he talks his appearance changes. He walks into the kitchen briefly and when he comes back, he's become a different person entirely, and he's joined by another man. They both claim to know me and to have been looking for me for a long time, although they call me by two different names. The one who wasn't T. speaks with a heavy Scottish accent and calls me Jack. As I'm speaking to them, I remember that while I'm lucid, I had some things I wanted to get done, and I try to remember what those were. I decide it was the Task of the Month. (Apparently reading the TOTM thread last night was enough to overrule my personal lucid goals.) I remember that the Task was to ask a DC who your true love or soulmate is, so I ask these guys, who's my true love? They both go silent and look extremely uncomfortable, like that's a question I shouldn't ask. I tell them any answer is fine, it's just a task, and I try phrasing it with 'soulmate' instead, but that doesn't get a better response. I feel like their belief that they knew me a long time ago is affecting this, that it's part of what makes this a question they don't want to answer, so I decide to go outside and find someone else to ask.

Outside my IRL home, I'm appreciating how vivid it is. There's a chill in the air, a nicely realistic touch, and there's no snow on the ground, which is a great change. I walk off the driveway and onto the main road, and for some reason I feel like that's an important dividing line, particularly when lucid. My attention is caught by a squirrel across the road standing on its front legs, craning its neck to look up at the sky; and then by the body of a dead deer at the 3-way crossroads. I believe (incorrectly) that this dead deer is always here at the crossroads when I dream, and I think about going over to talk to it, but on second thought the idea makes me a little uncomfortable - I think it'll follow me home. Better not. There's a rock just beside my driveway with some words carved into it, and I start to go over to read it, but a car drives by. I stop it and walk over to the driver, ask her who my true love is. Again, she goes silent and gives me the impression that this is a question I shouldn't ask. I decide to go for a ride, and I climb into the car through the window.

Inside the car, the woman I spoke to isn't the driver at all, she's a passenger. There's six women in the car, all of them working in the fashion industry or as models, and with the exception of the woman I'd spoken to and the driver, the rest of them resent someone who's not part of the industry hitching a ride. No one except the driver knows where they're going - it's a surprise. The driver's name is Audrey, she's someone big in the fashion industry, wearing large dark sunglasses. I ask Audrey who my true love is, and as an answer, she produces a piece of lined paper with something written on it, crumples it up, and throws it out the window. She's not throwing it away - she means for me to reach out my window and catch it. I'm too slow, I just miss it. But I decide - no, I didn't miss it. I caught it. I announce out loud, "Got it!" I 'remember' the feel of catching it, and then I draw my hand back inside the car. No good, my hand's empty. The women in the car look at me oddly for claiming to have caught the paper when I hadn't. I try the hand-behind-the-back summoning trick, but still nothing.

Since I keep failing to get an answer to this question, I decide I'll switch to a different Task of the Month. For some reason I believe that the other basic task is to kiss a DC. I stop to think about that for a minute, since I'm sure that can't be right, that's too basic, but then I decide it's meant as something simple to stick with a Valentine's Day theme. (Was I mixing it up with the kiss-a-zombie one? I had just raised someone from the dead, shame I didn't follow up on that. ) Although I'm not sure how I got here, I'm now following Audrey into an elevator with one of the other women from the car. I ask Audrey if I can kiss her, and she says sure. I can't remember what happened after that, but next thing I remember we're leaving the elevator and I'm thinking that didn't work. We're now standing in a large room with a mirror and a couch, and I ask the other woman, a slightly chubby, very beautiful blonde, if I can kiss her. She says okay. We're standing in front of the mirror, and I'm surprised to see the mirror's actually reflecting her and the room we're in (though not me, as usual), and her reflection looks exactly like her, although it's watching us instead of mirroring her actions. I lean in to kiss her and close my eyes, but perhaps because I was distracted by the mirror, I find I've wound up kissing her reflection instead, through the glass. I move us away from the mirror, focus on the feeling of her shoulder under my hand, and try again. I'm too focused on comparing this to real life and trying to improve the realism to enjoy it much - the feeling of her lips themselves is accurate, but that's about it. I'm thinking that this sort of thing really doesn't translate to dreams well, and I should focus on doing things that aren't possible IRL. So I remember the 'other' (actual) task of the month: I step back and ask her if she knows who my true love is. Again, she seems uncomfortable with the question and doesn't answer. Then I think that asking someone you've just kissed to tell you about your true love may be a little tactless.

There's a cat by the mirror now, yowling. Two people who work here rush over to it to try to get it to be quiet. On the other side of the room, there's a whole row of mirrors and a hairdresser standing in front of them, talking about originality or lack thereof in fashion shows. I lose lucidity and follow him, listening to him for a few moments before I wake up.

There's a girl walking up a narrow attic staircase that she very much doesn't want to go up. There's something that looks like a child at the base of the stairs, forcing her to go up and see 'mother.' 'Mother' is something that this girl has fed people to before, but she's never gone up the stairs herself. Now she's failed the pair somehow. Whatever's at the top of the stairs feels nightmarish enough that I decide I don't want to see this, and take just enough control to back out of the scene. There was some resistance, and it felt like a race against time, whether I could get out before the girl got to the top of the stairs.

I'm standing somewhere airy, white walkways, a few white walls, mostly open space. There are a few pages on the ground, a story I was reading, but I feel too on edge to focus on it. I put my back to a wall, that helps.

The Magician on a city street with a little girl. He's saying, "Countless thousands of worlds, or (something, along the lines of 'a few') worlds and those you know." She asks what he means, and he says nevermind, but he's talking about the price for what he's about to do for her; something's going to be lost. He doesn't want her to feel guilty over it, so he doesn't explain the details. He raises his staff and these gold shapes form in the air around them - flat, curved, with sharp points, something like a tribal tattoo come to life, I have vague associations with wings and clockwork (they do resemble stylized wings, but no clue what the clockwork association's from) - and then their surroundings seem to shatter, taking them somewhere 'between worlds.'

Memory gaps and vague fragments after that: those same two characters standing in front of images like holograms, representing people that little girl knew, but the images are fragmentary, like they've had pieces digitally erased, leaving a bit of hair or a corner of a dress hanging in midair, but never any faces. Something to do with the importance of the little girl remembering "Rose," but there's a trick to it - she knew someone who was called Rose, but who also used another name, and it's that other name she really has to remember. Four knights, two in red and two in blue, male and female, and the man in blue has some message to do with the kid's father and something about a doll.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I'm playing some kind of game based on Middle-earth - there's no sense of me physically playing a video game or the like, I seem to physically be there and it seems to be a real place, but I think of it as a game. At the moment I'm trading in some weapon and given a new selection to choose from. It's mostly swords and daggers. I choose a staff. This alters the way the game is played, although I hadn't realized it when I made that choice; it removes me from the fighting and instead allows me to travel freely, flying over the countryside, exploring the world, unlocking all the elven settlements that were otherwise hidden. I won't be able to continue the storyline this way, but it has its appeal.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

A movie about robots, filmed in first person POV, full of scenes designed to make you feel sympathy for the robots, even while the robots themselves remind you that they're just tools and there's no need to feel concerned.

Belle and a newly-human, rather fragile-looking Rumpelstiltskin have been traveling somewhere and are now in some dimly-lit house where they're finally meeting with Rumpelstiltskin's son. (His personality's so different from Bae's that I hesitate to use the same name for this dream version.) Belle and the son talk while Rumpelstiltskin's sort of collapsed in a chair, Belle's next to him, the son's on the second floor and looking down at them over a railing; she seems suspicious of him. It seems they've met before, in a shared dream, and something that she saw in that dream is making her suspicious of him now. He warns her not to take shared dreams too literally, as other associations tend to leak in.

I'm looking at some kind of travel ad with a picture of a bridge and a quote calling it magical. A woman's complaining about the misuse of the quote - apparently it's a line from the end of a long poem about a more literal variety of magic, and the way the ad is using it is going completely against the spirit of the poem. She summarizes the poem, saying something along the lines of 'magic's one and only purpose: getting us outta here.'

As I think about what that means, I become lucid. I'm floating above the bridge from the image in that ad, high over a river, surrounded by trees; I fly along the road, over the trees, flying higher until I can see that this is an island, and I fly out over the water. It's all very beautiful, but I'm still thinking about what that woman had said, and I associate it with a quote from Tolkien in defense of escapism. (The quote: Why should a man be scorned if, finding himself in prison, he tries to get out and go home?) Thinking about Tolkien, I think that while I'm lucid, I'll go find some elves. But suddenly I feel a desperate need to, as the woman said, get outta here - rather than flying peacefully over the water, now I'm thinking of the sky as a barrier I have to break through; I'm very worked up about it. I fail completely.

When I stop trying to break through the sky, I find I'm now flying outside my IRL home. I land in a tree. My IRL neighbor's on the steps outside with some people I think of as her cousins, and she sees me. I feel embarrassed, a grown man climbing trees. The branch I'm sitting on breaks with a very loud crack, and although I don't fall very far at all, they run over to me. She scolds me for climbing trees when people are trying to sleep. We go inside. I'm still vaguely aware that I'm dreaming, but I'm thinking that I'll have to wait for these people to leave before I can do anything very interesting.

I 'wake up' on a bus. I think about the lucid dream I just had, but am distracted when Danica Patrick starts making out with the woman sitting next to me. (And yet it doesn't occur to me that I might still be dreaming...)

I'm in an office, talking to someone about the android I've been monitoring. The guy I'm talking to is the same model, and I'm asking him about some of the skills he was programmed with; I think there might be something wrong with the one I've been observing, she seems to have let some of her skills decay. He hints that maybe I've got an ulterior motive here, and he's right, but I insist I'm only concerned about my employer (their manufacturer)'s reputation. I'm thinking I'm going to have to download a training program so I can pose as a servant and infiltrate her owner's household.

(Woke up. Had an unusually difficult time getting back to sleep, I was up for at least an hour.)

There's two men sitting in front of a fireplace, a young man and an old one. The young man's saying, "Don't you want to help me?" There's a long pause. The young man isn't aware of it, but the person he's speaking to is his father-in-law; his wife, the old man's daughter, has recently passed away, and for some reason the old man thinks it's to his benefit to keep that connection secret. Now the old man says, "Your wife... Very sweet creature."

(Woke up. Back to sleep without difficulty this time.)

I'm on a train named after a greek goddess; I've just changed from a train called Autehna (which is meant to be Athena - my dreams have mixed up that name in a similar way before, again pronouncing it with a 't' instead of 'th'), and I'm thinking of the naming of the two trains as pleasantly symbolically appropriate. I'm writing in a journal. As I write, I see an image of what I'm writing about: a very powerful and morally dubious man offered me a position, and I turned him down, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. In the journal, I write that I must have learned in another life to refuse to get tangled up with the wicked and powerful.

Continuing as the same character from the train, I find my wife and children asleep around/under the Christmas tree.

Still the same character, I'm standing on a dock next to a rowboat full of men in red uniforms, casting off. I'm in the same uniform, as is the man beside me, but the two of us aren't going back to the ship with the rest. I'm thinking about that position I'd turned down, and the possible ill will resulting from that refusal, and I start to feel suspicious about the guy next to me. When I look at him, he takes off running down the dock, reaching for a rope. I reach for the weapon I've concealed in my false leg, and as I remove it I hear someone say "mon dieu!" I'm thinking about the various bits and pieces of myself that I've left behind.

(Woke up, once again couldn't get back to sleep and eventually gave up on it, even though I'd gotten only about 5 hours of sleep. Unusual.)