Recent DJ Posts

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Only remember meeting some woman and she was looking at all the people who were in the dream and when she looked me in the eyes, she locked contact with me, approached me and I felt she was real / aware and she felt the same about me. I was lucid and she told me something like "I can tell that you know we are dreaming. I can see it through the eyes." and I didn't say anything, we just shared what seemed like a never ending moment lost in each other's eyes.

13th February 2021

Fragment:

I'm talking to my mom. The shadows in my eyes are bothering me on some level and I possibly say something about it. She looks at me, alarmed, noticing and telling me that there are some kind of wisps growing out of the centre of my eyes. I cannot feel or see them, but feel they are related to the shadows.

I remember talking to H and I ask him to help me call someone about it. I display some issue of confidence in trying to get this sorted out.

Then I am at a mall place? Looks like the one from my home town. Feels small and cramped but only a few people are around. I am not wearing a mask and I'm here to try and find an optician. I ask one if they can see me and they tell me I'll have to see doctor (recall gone) and that I should try looking elsewhere or something. Just nearby there's a group of people about to go on some tour?

A chunkier fellow notices I'm not wearing a mask and gives me an operating theatre looking type.

Notes:

- Even after waking, I've been left with this strange sensation in my eyes, even about half an hour later.
- These shadows have been particularly bothersome lately, for at least a month or so, since they've been sitting mostly at the centre of my vision.

So I started using the Awoken smartphone app to train myself to do Reality Checks in my dream. It works like a charm, for me at least. After responding to the app for only one day, I had 3 lucids last night. The most interesting of them was the one where I realized my goal and tried to gain control over/access to it. Below is my DJ entry.

---

I'm in this wacky world where there are all sorts of zany characters running around. It feels like a game mixed with a children's TV show. I have been here before in a previous dream and I become lucid.

I remember my goal, the reason I'm lucid dreaming in the first place and realize I have no interest in this weird world and dream freedom. I'm here to talk to my subconscious. So I try to focus and clear out the world so I have complete emptiness. It doesn't work, so I treat my dream as a machine that accepts commands and tell it to "clear out everything". And it does, it literally removed everything leaving me in complete darkness.

Now that I have what I want, I say to my subconscious: "Give me access to my subconscious." I do not get a response, but I can see my subconscious trying to force the world back in which I was standing before, forcefully trying to move it into place, I can even see white, bony hands trying to push the scene back together for me to walk in. I refuse and push it away with my mind and ask loudly: "Why won't you give me access!?"

Then a feeling of fear developed inside of me and out of nowhere the mad Majora's Mask moon shows up underneath me and a dark, angry voice resonated throughout the world: "WHY DO YOU WANT ACCESS TO SOMETHING YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!?" The voice surprises me and I am shocked my subconscious is this violent towards me. It's not just shock because of the response. The amount of power this entity exerted towards me was of such a degree that I felt like it could kill me instantly if it wished to do so. I froze for a second when it appeared in that fashion.

The voice keeps on talking on why I have no business trying to meddle in something beyond my control and it has me wake up to a false awakening again, but I am completely conscious of the fact that I am dreaming still. The house is very different. Not in the sense that the layout or location is different, but something else completely. It's dark, not only literally, but it feels like I'm somewhere I have no control. I feel fear inside of me as I see eyes on the walls everywhere, connected to each other like neurons and information travelling between them as electricity, as this voice keeps on rambling like a higher being, explaining that I shouldn't have access to things I will not understand anyway. I walk through the house and the walls are the same everywhere, with eyes looking at me. It feels really uncomfortable as I'm trying to explore the house. When I get to the kitchen, my dream has started taking over again, as my consciousness is fading and the last thing I see is myself walking back to bed. And that is where the memory ends.

---

That was quite the experience. I think maybe I came on to strong. Tonight, if I become lucid, I'll try just talking to it first, just a conversation, rather than demanding access immediately. Hopefully it will be more agreeable then XD.

I found myself in a huge convention center, it seemed. And to my surprise, the place sort of circled around a large domain where the space needle was being constructed, though it was black. I met this woman, and everyone presumed she had an attitude about her that made her cold, unapproachable, and seemingly ill-tempered. I chose to ignore these elements and sat down with her at a picnic table, still inside this convention center. This woman's disposition was an absolute amalgamation of several personas of multiple strippers.

La

I'm so stupidly foggy as to other dream aspects, but I was at one point conversing with my mother about something lifelike.

Additionally, my friend Matt was at my house, and he felt the need to watch television on our big screen downstairs. He gathered together a jumbled mess of extension cords, and sought the assistance of my father to garner a means to watch his program. When i met him at the foot of the stairs, I asked why he needed to do this, and he responded with "I didn't want you to give me that look of eyes five inches apart!"

WHO CARES WHAT PSYCHIATRISTS WRITE ON WALLS!

The dream scene was at the beach. There were houses on the shoreline that were gated off and had nice green lawns. There were pools on the other sides of the gates. I was riding along a boardwalk path thing on this unicycle that was 15-20 feet up in the air. There were groups of people on the beach in bathing suits and every time I passed a group they were looking up at me smiling. At some point I went over the gate and into a pool that was filled with some sort of plastic balls but they were really small. The guy who owned the house came out and started yelling at me but ended up saying "thanks for getting sugar in the pool."

Another dream I was in this cabin far out in the woods. It was my birthday and there were friends from home and my accounting program that were celebrating with me. It was like a party but it was also a sleep over. I was keeping tabs on people hoping they were having fun. There was a pool outside. The inside was really open and clean. Near the end of the dream this guy with a pony tail was gathering everyone around. It was time to go so he was giving a speech for my birthday. He sat me down at the door and everyone was gathered around as he was talking. I remember he was sitting down in front of me and I was looking into his eyes which were wide and a faint green. I think he was also a girl at some point in the dream too.

The dream opened up and people were leaving in cars, I think I went into the garage and went home. I went home and walked up to my neighbor's house where I saw my neighbor walking down the drive way. I said "hey Ms. Laurie" and we started talking about something that I can't quite remember, but it was controversial. I got behind their house and was scaling up the left side. It seemed like there was someone coming to kill people at the house.

I enter a lecture hall and speak to the man who I believed summoned me, dressed in black with a small white owl on his shoulder, but it turns out the owl is the one that called me; this is news to the man in black, and he's not pleased about it. The owl speaks in a pleasant woman's voice and changes into the shape of a four-sided mask, one face for each direction; three of them are simple stylized masks made of wood or similar, but the fourth is an actual face - it moves, it has eyes - just in cartoonishly distorted proportions. She's been sealed/trapped/stuck/reduced to this. She introduces herself as Loki Laufeyjarson, which is not the name I was expecting her to say but I roll with it.

She talks about each of her masks - in the one that resembles an actual face, she says she'd taken this form and scorned high heels (meaning an artificial way of gaining the height she feels she should have had anyway - 'height' is not really the issue she's talking about). In one of the wooden masks, she talks about using this form for dealings with a magician, and she suspects that magician of having a hand in her current unfortunate circumstances.

She returns to the form of the owl sitting on the man in black's shoulder, and we're now in a yard behind an estate, surrounded by partygoers. The man speaks of my payment and I dismiss the small amount of money he offers; I tell him I expect him to provide me with food and lodgings, pea soup and three packs of smokes a day. (Neither of those are things I'd want IRL, but I wasn't being my IRL self here.) I'm already leaving, stepping over an ornamental pond; it's a demand, not a negotiation. He's irritated, but she accepts immediately. I walk off into the trees along the border of the property.

In earlier scenes, symbols of eyes and blue lotuses above the entrance to a cave, and drinking a polar bear's blood from a glass while wondering about parasites.

Ritual: Ongoing dry spell. I'm not sure what caused my focus and motivation to diminish so drastically, but neither has been sufficient in months to deliberately achieve lucidity. Even when I thought I've been motivated, I haven't been able to concentrate properly, or pay sufficient attention to the stages of sleep. Less attention to dreaming in general means that even my NLDs have become intolerably drab and dull for the most part, and since I've been journaling less my ability to remember dreams has also dwindled. However, this morning I woke up with a dream that I found interesting enough to write down, and I'm posting it here to try to help get my head back in the game.

NLD, "Three Vials": The container in my hand consisted of three conjoined steel vials closed with screwcaps. Each one held a different substance that would change me in some way. I was in a militarized compound full of soldiers and agents of some secretive organization; I was their experiment. Evidently one of their high level people, an old man with grey shoulder-length hair, had decided that it was time for my transformation. I began unscrewing the top of one of the vials while remembering the prophecy:

His breath is the wind.

The method of ingestion seemed straightforward. Breath? Wind? I held the end of the vial to my mouth and inhaled. It did feel like a great wind coursing into me. When the turmoil had settled and I spoke, my voice was changed. It was no longer a human voice, but impossibly deep and resonant.

There were things going on around me but I don't remember the details. I saw a news briefing of some sort; apparently the nation was in a state of emergency. I was being transformed so that I could go do battle, perhaps with another creature similar to what I was becoming. I decided to use the second vial. I had a vague anxiety that I should consume all three vials before someone stopped me: the old man had wanted to go through with the procedure, but I could tell that a lot of the others did not think this was a good idea. I should finish the transformation before someone decided to organize the opposition and restrain me. I recalled another line of the prophecy:

Sunlight fills his heart.

I opened the second vial. At first I habitually started bringing the container to my mouth, but the prophecy suggested that it contained light, so I diverted it to my eyes instead. White light filled them, blinding me. When I could see again, I went to look at myself in a mirror. My eyes were white now, but not an undifferentiated white. The pupils were tiny little pinpricks at the center, literally no larger than if the tip of a pin pricked a hole in a piece of paper. I thought that made sense, given that pupils contract in the light, and they had just been exposed to more light than ever before. The irises were still differentiated, but they were an ivory white and glowed as if with inner light around the inside of their circular rims. The whites of my eyes were now pure white.

I also noticed that my skin had turned white, but not smoothly or evenly, instead it left a mottled appearance, prompting me to comment wryly: "I hope the last vial contains a pore cleanser." No one laughed at my joke. The dream ended before I ever found out what was actually in the final vial.

Notes: There are some straightforward influences, though the dream transformed them into an original scenario. But the concept of putting things to my eyes and mouth clearly derives from the Vive VR game "Accounting," which I played last night. (It was brief and hilarious, I totally recommend it!) Then before bed I was playing Witcher II and noticed how cool Geralt's eyes looked. (I recently finished Witcher I, since I wanted to play all three in order, and just started on II. It is a breath of fresh air compared to the first one.) Having the Witcher series fresh in mind probably also contributed to the concept of drinking potions to achieve transformational mutations.

I am in the bathroom trying to grab something that I can no longer recall. When I finally faced the direction of the mirror I became stunned. I notice I had blue eyes and one that was glowing white around it. This quickly made me realize something was not right and then out of no where some goblin witch looking elf little monster appear at the side of the door. I knew Iat this point I am dreaming but the awareness wasn't strong. I tried to change the dream scene in to something more comfortable. But it didn't work and the little monster started nibbling at my neck. It felt a little painful but more as tickle bites than anything else. I just kept looking at it while it took mini bites of my neck. I've never been eaten before so I felt kind of strange. And didn't really know what to do. I lost lucidity not far after.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

My dogs are barking furiously outside, I'm having a hard time falling asleep...
Then a loud humming sound makes everything shake like an earthquake. And a white light shines through my blinders. I feel dizzy and confused. I go to my window and try to see where this light and sound come from, through the spaces in the blinders. I see a pair of beady red eyes piercing me. I jump back with fear. Then I realize the blinders are half open and the creature moves to the side of the window that is now exposed. It is greenish, with a big deformed head and those really scary red eyes. I pull the curtains and move on to another room. I convince myself that I am safe, he cannot enter the house.
I wake up in the morning and go outside to look for footprints under my window, just to confirm my vision was real. But I see no marks. Instead, I find all my clothes I left hanging to dry overnight, all over my garden and a lot of chaos in general, like a storm hit the place.
Then I really wake up in RL.

Can't recall where I am and decided it was best to check my hands. After looking at them I can tell there is something off about them. I use one of my fingers to put preesure on my hand and confirm that I am dreaming. During the transition to lucidity I felt stuck again but this time I manage not to wake up. It's like my eyes wouldn't open when I became lucid, the struggle with my eyes will eventually lead to me waking up. This time I just let them stayed close then. That's when I felt like I am being push through a building while hearing the shattering glass pass through. I land on the floor hearing what sounds to be my father. I tell him I am currently lucid dreaming. He doesn't understand so I open my eyes to explain it to him but after opening them I lost my lucidity. Lucidity Time: 30 seconds

So the dreams were different in some little details than usual ones. There were just 3 colors in the dream. White, black and blue.. like some blue sephia style. And no words were said in them as well.. It started with a girl who was sitting behind a table covered with a white cover. The cover was snow white and looked very soft to the touch. Behind the girl there was a window, and a white ambient light was shinning trough it into the room.. The girl just stared at me, like I am some kind of a miracle. Well.. i looked her back with similar feelings. But she did look like a miracle to me.. because I haven´t seen her for a while now.. not in real life nor in dreams. We just staring in each others eyes. And then i have approached her, took her hand.. and kissed it. I looked her into the eyes again and left..

I've broken into a building for a specific purpose, but it's not been going well. I killed someone while trying to stop him from raising the alarm, I hadn't intended that. Still standing over him, to my right there's a room with three men in 19th century dress uniform speaking. They're the reason I came here, and I'm certain I won't be able to finish what I came here to do now that they've seen this - but they're not reacting. On further examination, there's some manner of barrier between that room and this one, invisible from this side but seemingly solid from theirs. I lean through for a moment while those men are facing the other way, feeling no resistance, and find that from their side, it looks as if I'm leaning through a mirrored wall. Interesting setup; I'm thinking about why the owner of this home would need such a thing.

Then I focus on the men speaking on the other side, the reason I'm here. One is saying, "What do we do about Shaw?" Another replies, "Escaping-"

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

Revisiting that one-way-mirror setup, there's a vivid yellow tint to the air on this side of the mirror, and I'm looking at an image of a white rabbit hanging from a noose held in a man's hand. I'm hearing a man I think of as some kind of instructor saying to me, "...exists in the past."

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

There's a man I recognize from a previous dream leading a group of people out of some tunnels onto the surface. There's only a narrow ledge to stand on here, the top of a cliff, and it's raining, windy. Last time I'd described him as pale; this time there's something wrong with his skin, but I'm not focusing on it. I'm looking at his eyes; there's a red ring filling the outer half of his iris, that's new. Someone's saying in response to a question he just asked, "Perhaps we could talk on the way there," like they're in a hurry to get away from here.

Earlier, he'd been having a conversation with another man in those tunnels, taller, with white hair that's mostly fallen out. This man's arguing against him leaving with that group of people and going back to civilization, saying that either he'll spread corruption like a disease, or else he won't but he'll be blamed for doing so anyway. Previously, they'd unknowingly allowed some kind of corruption to spread before their own symptoms started to show, not realizing they were the cause.

Beautiful Yellow Eyes
I was walking inside Main Street shopping center. I felt a bit uncomfortable because of I was wearing pretty average plain clothing. I noticed some others were wearing average stuff, making me feel much better about myself. As I was walking through the shops, I saw a girl (preggers). She was walking near me, and seemed to be looking at me, maybe even saying something to me. I ignored her and just kept walking as if I had not noticed her.

Some girl stopped me in my tracks and asked me something. I think she was looking for a new boyfriend or sexual partner. As I looked at her, I was drawn in straight to her eyes. They were beautiful, having a nice yellow look to them. I straight away said "wow, u have amazing eyes. Ur hot". She was decent looking. I think I put my arm around her and walked towards a shop where you could eat. I find myself hearing that she likes men that are endowed. I look towards the wall at a bit of art work which has writing on it. It's talking about an elephant and its long trunk, referring to long penises.
We seem to become distant from each other and she goes and starts talking to other men. I see her at a table talking a darkish skinned man. It looks like he has a turban under his hoody. I have some jealously at this point and think to myself something on the lines of "she won't be happy being with a Muslim man".

I'm at the same place but sitting at a computer. As I'm doing Internet banking, I feel or know she is looking for a wealthy man. I start to feel sorry for myself because I'm on benefits and don't have a lot to show for myself. A few people come over to use the computer I'm using, which makes me have to move myself off the chair onto the floor. I felt intimidated, but did nothing about it except be a push over. I see that there is 4 or so people at the computer, a few guys & girls. The person nearest to me was a guy. He seemed like a bit of an asshole. I over heard him say that the girl that has the yellow eyes was a gold digger, which confirmed for me that it was true. As we all used the computer, there were hands everywhere over the keyboard, typing whatever they please. I jokingly said about this to them. The computer seems to be an ATM also. I try and withdraw a decent amount of money. I remember stalling a little and I think my dad may have got frustrated. I figured it out quickly. As i withdrew money, the previous people that had used it left their money in there. It made things confusing for me and i panicked. I grabbed all the money and was going to sort things out by myself because majority of money was mine and I wanted to make sure things were right. A man of Asian appearance was thinking it was some what suspicious and wasn't sure about me doing so. The people's money i had were standing in the distance at a counter. My intentions were to get things right and return the money to them. I remember counting my money and freaking out. At first it looked as if all my money wasn't there at first, but as i continue to count, it seems to be adding up I think.

I'm now sitting near the old police station across from new station, counting my money.

Side Notes
EFT - Even though I only remembered 1 dream last night, I deeply and completely accept myself, and will remember all my dreams tonight.

Need to use an EFT for recording dreams upon awakening.

There's a woman who is retrieving a certain object for me, while I watch in third person. The object is in a cave, in the possession of this large, strange creature who she's speaking to now - she's got two or three people with her. He's willing to make a deal. But after discussing terms for a while, the woman ultimately refuses; she isn't willing to agree to his terms. He accepts this, clearly believing she'll be back eventually - she has no other choice, she needs that object.

She and the others start to leave, but one of the others evidently has their own plan - another woman starts playing a strange kind of music that puts the creature into a kind of trance. She encourages the leader of their group to simply take the object. The leader is conflicted, so the woman with the music does it herself. The creature's trance is deep enough to allow her to get close to the object, but it snaps out of it once it recognizes that they're stealing from it. They run.

The cave is in the center of a sort of maze of tunnels, but although it looks confusing, the tunnels are all interconnected; as long as they keep running in the same general direction, it doesn't matter which tunnel they choose, they'll get out eventually.

They come out of the tunnels into a place that I think of as a certain type of dream, a sort of desert-like place, barren brown rock, with various dreamers here and there like landmarks. In one dream, there's a family in a yard where grapevines are growing; two heavyset old men who are brothers, and two grandchildren playing a little distance away. One brother leans in to say something to the other in a language I don't recognize, and the eyes of the one listening turn all black, which I recognize as an outward sign of the usual effect of staying in this particular type of dream too long. He's the dreamer here, these others are illusions. They see the group passing near the edges of the dream and just watch them.

The group comes across a dreamer they know, a man who the leader of this group is in love with. The others hang back on a ledge overlooking his dream, but she approaches him. He's sitting in front of the ruins of a small house - it's meant to be their house, his and hers, though they've never actually lived together outside of this dream. There's dead bodies lying around outside, things he killed, but too late to save this place from them. When he sees her there, he says, "I tried," with a sort of smile, as if this was inevitable and the only surprising thing was that he tried to save this place at all.

Then he sees the object she's stolen, and there's a shift - he stops paying attention to the storyline of the dream he's in. He asks her why she went to all the trouble of finding that thing, when there's no guarantee that the man she got it for will be grateful for it. There's an association here with trying to help a scorpion - the story of the scorpion and the frog, doing what's in your nature rather than what's in your best interest. She agrees with him, there's no guarantee that this will have the result she wants, but she wants to help the 'scorpion' anyway. She makes a joke about having a weakness for older men - lifetimes older, in this case. Her man doesn't find this funny.

#435 - WILD - 4:15AM

I did a WBTB coffee (2tbsp coffee grounds + 1tbsp sugar) at 4AM. Chug and and crash focusing on WILD.

I quickly recognize the usual sensations but it hard to get out. I realize I need some stimuli and the first thing I think of is sex. During the enjoyment, I notice a very young girls is sleeping next to me in the same bed while some woman is riding me. I begin to feel awkward and want to get away. I notice that I am deep enough in the dream now, so I push the woman off and mutter, "That's enough."

I easily stand up and wonder into the bathroom. I have an embarrassing situation that I try to ignore so I look into the mirror to distract me. My face distorts and I now have large aliens eyes. Instead of the deep black associated with gray's, I have white glowing light like my eye are made of some sort of reflective material. I marvel at the glowing light from within for a second and then decide to try playing with the mirror a bit. It looks really dirty witch is distracting but it seems like there is a different room past my reflection. I press my face into the glass and it stretches like soft rubber. I pull back and try to focus on something in the background, hoping to fall in, but I suddenly wake up.

#436 - DEILD -5:08AM

Having realize that only 15 minutes passed since I drank coffee, I decide it can't have kicked in much though I feel mildly stimulated. I relax focusing on my face as I body awareness meditation and quickly pass out.

There is something about my brother visiting my house. Me setting at table telling myself that I am dreaming, but not caring much. Maybe I thought I had it under control, but lucidity slips away. After talking with my brother, I decide it's time to lay down for WILD.

I am in a room eating white grapes with a small boy. Then try to eat something like a grape, but rock hard. The dream fades to darkness, but I hear a voice telling me to hold me focus and wait (meaning DEILD).

I have WILD sensations, but I am able to blindly get up. I jump around to stimulate my dream body. It feels super odd. I begin to float so I open my eyes. I am now standing in the room again. There is trash everywhere and the little boy is just looking at me. He gives me a grape and I taste it. Bland. I recall the smell TOTM and quickly search the floor. I spot a banana peel, pick it up, and give it a good sniff. Nothing. I try again breathing deeper, but now I am too aware of my physical body. I remember breath is the only connection to waking world. I stop and try an orange peel that's near the spot where I found the banana. It has a mild, undefinable scent. I now recall my monster TOTM and tap the boy's elbow. "Common!", I say as I start to look for a bed. I wake up.