Recent DJ Posts

I'm on a break from thinking too much about LDing. This has made my dreams easier to remember, perhaps because there is less pressure on my brain.

Just like in real life, I am sick and laying down to rest on the bed. It's my same bed, but it's in the flat I had with my ex, near Berlin. Or at least, I recognize it as such, but this flat is actually much more beautiful and expensive looking.

My ex is in the other room, with him are two of his friends, both of whom I know from when we lived in Vancouver. I get up to go out, passing through a room/hallway that has my ex's computer in it. It's on. I glance at the screen and see some form of Messenger running - though it's not MSN. On it are active conversations from other friends of his in Vancouver. They all appear to be congratulating him and the two friends that are visiting, wishing them all the best and lots of fun. It doesn't say so, but I gather that my ex and his two friends are going to move in together. I wonder to myself if it will be here in Germany, or in Ireland, where he is living in RL now. I briefly wonder why he is back in Germany again.

I move to the next room. They are talking and laughing loudly, but go quiet when I enter. Awkward. I am looking for something healthy to eat, as I am not feeling well. All I can find is a big paper bag full of all kinds of junk food. They all freak out when I find it, and I tell them to relax, I don't want their stupid crap food. Not finding anything, I leave the room. My ex follows me.

In the room with the computer again, my ex immediately notices that his screen has been scrolled. He looks worried and slightly angry, asking me if I read his conversation. I say "Why would I want to read your conversation?" and look away. He seems to believe me. I feel guilty for lying.

Flash now to one of his friends questioning me - he's asking me if my ex and I are getting back together, or "kissing and making up" as he calls it. I look at him like he's nuts and tell him as much, saying that's the last thing I want. I can tell my ex's friend is just asking to make sure it's a safe bet to move in with him, but I'm not supposed to know so I stay quiet.

Feelings: confusion, guilt, bitterness, alienation, a feeling of jealousy when looking around the nice flat