• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. Awake Meditation: Baby Angry!

      by , 04-28-2011 at 07:26 AM
      From 4/22/11

      While listening to 60 minutes delta binaural audio
      Body kept jerking, releasing energy and/or resisting releasing
      Discomfort, feel sick (am getting sick, a cold I think…yep, I can confirm this days later)
      The pads of my feet hurt
      Want to turn my head and sleep
      Visuals coming and going


      Then I do FFEDCIDA practice (Face, Feel, Expand, Dissipate, Coalesce, Integrate, Decide, Take Action)
      (I want to add "simultaneous opposites combining"; it feels like it belongs around expanding, dissipating, and/or coalescing)

      Muddy orange color
      In large geometric pattern in my stomach
      Like a cube but more complex, diagonal layer
      Unfolding, shifting, almost clunking but that’s not the right word

      Thought of being sick as a baby, when I was so sick it scared my mom
      Out of control, discomfort, nothing to do, angry at being controlled
      Angry and helpless and fucking pissed

      Anger dissipating – fast, whirlwinds out
      Into nothing, blackness?
      It feels like the blackness is almost closing in on it, eating it

      Fear…of that blackness, I’m somewhat ashamed to admit
      Opulent white swirling energy I used to use when I did massage and subtle energy work to surround myself reaches up and twines with the orange
      It feels right
      Twining, like oil and water, such different energies. The orange static, the white multidimensionally hued, shifting around, how will they come together? I watch.
      What is that white energy? Gratitude, it seems.
      Deep gratitude like in the last lucid dream.
      It is coming together
      This lasts a while

      The energy straightens into brown, tree-like texture
      Logs almost
      But hollow
      One settles across the back of my body at my shoulders, holding them strong
      Two more down my torso’s sides
      Strength
      Body feels healthier
      Whole body jerks, back arches
      One has settled in my spine, up my neck?

      Feeling grounded
      After getting up, I recalled that when I had used that white swirly energy as a protection when I did massage and energy work, I also put a shell up around it that looked like the texture and color of those logs. I think I got some backbone back.

      Apparently anger and gratitude can be a powerful mixture. Mixture isn’t quite the right word, it is as if they partially combust and transform when mixed to make something new. I’d say alchemy but that just sounds too hooey.

      not that this whole thing wouldn't to most people.