• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. 7/24/20 - 7/25/20

      by , 07-26-2020 at 06:30 AM
      I donít remember much from the last two nights. A fragment or two, and one near lucid:

      Buying Food (fragment)

      ÖI am in a cafeteria-type place buying food. I think it might be chicken. I put a piece of something on my plateÖ

      Rikerís Lucid Dream

      I am in a bathroom. I try to turn on a light, but it wonít turn on. I try another light or two, but they donít turn on either. Then I remember that I sometimes dream that Iím trying to turn lights on, but they wonít turn on. I do a nose pinch RC, and find that I can breathe. However, I somehow get the impression that this is Rikerís lucid dream (Riker from Star Trek TNG). Not mine, apparently?

      I donít know if I was lucid but not thinking clearly, or if I wasnít lucid. I donít know exactly what it meant that it was Rikerís dream. That I was a DC in the dream? Or that I was actually Riker dreaming that I was someone else? Either scenario would be interesting.

      Updated 07-26-2020 at 06:34 AM by 97618

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    2. cxx.

      by , 07-21-2020 at 01:04 PM
      More catching up...



      12th May

      Dream:


      Dream recall faded somewhat. In the first dream I remember being at a house with H and someone else, a girl our age, but not sure who she was. We were all very hungry, and it was about noon. Someone suggested ordering pizza, but I didn't want to for some reason, so instead I got on the phone and ordered a man made of food or something, like synthetic food. He was supposed to get there by two in the afternoon. I figured when he arrived, I'd "butcher" him for the synthetic meat he was made of, wondering which bits H would be picky about, but as time went by, it seemed like he wasn't going to turn up at all, which made me regret not ordering the pizza in the first place.

      Then I remember going through some sort of tunnels or halls, in an old style (20-60s) building. No natural lighting, just incandescent lights. Gave me the impression of night time. I was still hungry, but I came to a room where there was something written over its double doors (I forget what) that suggested I could eat there. I went in and there was a bar-like counter and I talked to a woman in her 40s and asked her about eating or something. I told her I realised it was late but I really needed something and she was kind and tried to figure something out. At some point my parents showed up and start commenting on the food-making. I forget what else happened.

      Dream fragment:


      A different dream or perhaps after a different segment I've forgotten. Only small bits, many of which just ordinary. But in the end of this dream I was walking around a downtown area with my dad, H and someone else I think. There was a man announcing that free testing for a certain genetic or auto-immune disease or something would be available. I muttered to myself about it not being available to me freely in the past and then the man approached me, unconcerned by my complaints but addressing them; he began to inspect my nose with his hands and as he did he said "normally we wouldn't check people who have infections on their nose because this excludes them" or something to this effect. His attitude and face while going over my nose and talking to me suggested (some medical) curiosity. Just as he was about to move on to inspect some other part of my face or body, the doorbell in reality rang and I woke up, having to answer the door.



      Notes:
      - Of these two dreams, as I am re-reading them, I actually remember the second fragment better than I do the first dream. There was an underground parking lot or something around the middle or beginning of that dream, which was where me, my dad, H and the other person had come from, out onto the downtown street area.
      - I remember in the first dream I had visualised or seen a picture of what the synthetic man was to look like. For some reason I have the memory of wooden flooring in the first house of that dream.
      - The part in the second dream where I was muttering to myself is probably a crossed over feeling of frustration at the lack of help I receive for my condition from official systems. The follow-up interaction with the man is probably representative of some of my hope that with chance and timing I might actually get someone to genuinely be interested in giving me the help I need, rather than the help that gets pushed onto me.
    3. Thursday, July 2

      by , 07-04-2020 at 11:44 PM
      I am working outside at Grassroots. The space doesnít actually look like what we have; itís more of an open dirt space with some tables, tents, and boxes, and I donít see the store in the background. Iím sitting under a smaller shade tent, making a card. I mustíve put glue on the front, because Iíve poured quite a bit of sprinkles (pinks, whites, and purples) on and am shaking it slightly so theyíll settle and coat the front. Before I can finish, Ben comes over and asks if I want to learn Ďthe fireí. I say yes, setting the card down and getting up to follow him. Heís not wearing a mask, so I am able to see his face. Thereís a fairly large fire pit with a stainless steel ring around it that they use to do some kind of work. Iím not sure weíve done anything yet, when everyone sits around the pit for lunch. I think that someone here makes lunch for those what want it but that about half of everyone has brought food. I have a grocery bag full of smaller bags of food items that is resting on my feet dangling over the edge of the pit. The pit is maybe ten feet across and thereís probably ten to twelve of us. I notice the different extents of mask wearing. Most donít wear one, allowing me to see some faces for the first time. I wonder, but am not worried, about us all being this close. No one else seems to mind either. At some point, I am by Zoe. She is pretty close to me, and I notice how sheís wearing a thin, light blue bandanna over just her nose. Iím not sure how this is even done; there seems to be a twist in it - itís coming from the side - that allows it to barely hang on. Iím thinking that it makes no sense and is bold for her. She happily tells me not to worry, that I Ďwonít be getting her air.í Iím not sure.




      Iím approaching what seems to be a very hipster restaurant. It looks like Midtown, and I think Iím with two others (not sure who). Thereís a section of outdoor seating that is a small triangle, the side of which is a thick, split rail fence. The picnic style seating is overcrowded with lots of black band shirts and long, greasy hair - that kind of crowd. We go in and are seated now. Our waiter is friendly. Looking through the menu of two to three pages, I decide that the place is overpriced. Thereís a Ďdogí (hot dog?) something for $20. At the top of the menu, it says something to the effect of: If something doesnít come with a side, weíll try to come up with something else. I notice a menu item that I think is some kind of pasta that I like for a reasonable ($12-13) price. The waiter sees me looking and says yes, it means what I think it does. Iím not sure I even asked him. He says part of it means salad or something about a salad. I think he brings out beer now. I am putting a bottle cap into an orange, plastic ring where it snaps into place. It looks like the plastic rings for a six pack of cans, but small enough to fit bottle caps instead. I think about possibly getting some beer on draft too because I see two guys at a counter with a pint of lighter beer each. They look younger and, for whatever reason, like theyíre from California (they look extremely average, though). Thereís a blond guy sitting alone further down this long bench. He is small but buff. Heís wearing jeans or overalls and a tight shirt. I think heís talking on the phone and he sounds absolutely vapid. For some reason, I think heís Ďtypical Reno.í




      Iím in a large, opulent house on a hill where I know Jim, Rhianna, and Ella are staying (I donít think I ever think of John - itís almost like before he was born?). Thereís something about a storm heading this way, over the nearby ocean. Iím looking for everyone, but they all seem to be taking a shower. I think Ella and Rhianna are in the same one or at least the same bathroom. I go into a dark bedroom and open the bathroom to see a dim light on and hear the shower with low water pressure running over a person. I know Jim is in there, so I wonder why all these lights are out.




      Iím with Melissa, and weíve ended up at Dadís house. This house is actually very large and opulent. I think weíre on the second floor, in the spacious kitchen with marble counters and nice wood cabinets. I smell something good and then notice a plate of barbecue chicken. We now decide that, on second thought, the smell is not that good. Dad now shows up; I didnít know he was here.
    4. TOTM Success, and LD Meditation

      by , 06-25-2020 at 04:35 PM
      I typed this up in great detail, and then the page reloaded and didn't save any of it. SO here's the much shorter run down.
      MCT oil, raw honey, melotonin, and tincture blend (African dream root, bobinsana root, blue lotus, calea z, mugwort, lemon balm, damiana) around 10:45, asleep by 11. Multiple dreams and multiple Lucids, woke up several times but the dreams continued each time, so here's the important stuff I remember.

      Theres a party in my apartment, lots of people are hanging out. Someone does a hit of coke in my kitchen, causing me to question the situation. I look at my hands. Tooooo many fingers. I tell someone else to look at her hands, she agrees with me, this is a dream.
      I go to my room to go to bed, the apartment is empty now, my roommate says something to me. I look at my hands again, yes this is still a dream. I grab some pillows off my bed, sit on the floor to meditate. Several Om Mani Padme Hums later, I open my eyes. My room is no longer my bedroom, but a concrete industrial type room with floor to ceiling windows on the two outward facing walls. This is sharper, more in focus than any lucid dream I've had in a long time, the meditation was well worth it. I decide to seek the McDouble I've been after in several of my last lucids. I turn toward the windows, expecting to break one and jump out, but to my surprise theres a window that opens easily, and a staircase leading to the ground. I walk down, and think of the task of the month. A breeze starts up, cooler and fresher than it has any right to be.
      As I walk through this city scape, I look at the DCs and am aware they are simply projections of my subconcious. I lock eyes with one, he knows what I am thinking.
      Strawberries grow like weeds against a building. I pick some, a nearby tree whacks me with its branches, these are not my strawberries.
      I see my families old tan van, I climb in, find Mcdonalds bags (clearly full of trash). I search one anyways, hoping to find a McDouble. My mother is in the drivers seat, says she'll take me to a McDonalds. She drives, and as she is on a collision course with a wall, I close my eyes. I open them, and now we're at McDonalds. We're so close, my McDouble dreams are coming true. I place my order, get my burger, take several bites so big I finish nearly half the sandwhich at once. No ketchup. I wander the store, find a ketchup bottle on a shelf, douse my burger, take some more bites. Perfect.
      I sit at a long table, my mother to my right, the people from the party filling the other seats. Soon we are all eating chocolate covered strawberries, which are much tastier than the burger. My mother and I fight about my unhealthy eating habits, but I tell her this is a dream and I can eat whatever I like. She leaves.

      I wake up for the final time.
      During one of the times I woke up, I had my usual false awakening during which I thought I was writing in my DJ, only to wake up and find out that never happened. This occurs at least once every night.
    5. Monday, June 15

      by , 06-16-2020 at 11:44 PM
      Melissa and I are going to a Tool concert. I think weíve done some acid, and when we approach the stadium (or it may be the giant stage) I get a strong visual. What looks like a wall of psychedelic flames spreads to each side from a geometrical center of different blues. It is impressive and awe inspiring. We are now finding our seats. They are both on an upper level, but they are not together. I say it shouldnít be hard finding someone willing to switch. We are sitting together now. I think her mom or Sageís mom is here. My seat is a corner where the row turns and is more like half of a seat. The first set is over now, and I havenít felt any further effects from the LSD. Melissa apparently hasnít either, so we both take more. The Ďacidí seems to be a small tray of some baked food. We eat the grease at the bottom, and it proves more powerful. Shortly thereafter I am hit with a sudden change in my perception. We look at each other at the same time, eyes wide. After the show, weíre in a convenience store. Melissa shows me three lighters sheís buying. I guess the lighter fluid is the acid or is a component. She seems excited, but I canít believe sheís getting three, thinking about how much that will make.
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    6. Thursday, June 4

      by , 06-11-2020 at 05:14 AM
      I am walking on a path that is about to fork and incline up a hillside. I think Mom or someone else is with me. There are also two middle aged or younger women that have been walking fairly close to us. They start talking with us, asking if we think they can manage the uphill. They seem kind of sketchy to me, so I try to get them to take the path in the other direction. They end up choosing to do so, and I think it is so they donít have to keep walking awkwardly close to us. On the uphill now, the path is narrow and sandy. I see the women walking off in the other direction and one is pulling a cart behind her, so I guess itís good they didnít come this way anyway.




      I am outside somewhere with Melissa, and weíre walking up to some pizza place. The storefront has some windows - I see no door - and a stainless steel counter top. There are a few picnic style tables crowded together in the front, currently all full (I think with only men). The owner? is sitting among everyone, facing us, and I hear him call out for someoneís order. He has an air of being among everything in a perfectly friendly way while also being on top of all the operations. He seems shorter and rotund, shaven and with short but thick brown hair, and genial. He takes a pizza on a white paper plate and tosses it to someone like a frisbee. It nears the ground and then slows impossibly until the guy grabs it. Weíre now sitting across from this guy at a high table. He is eating from a plate of something. There are a few, three?, beers brewed/served here, and I contemplate getting one. I think theyíre all IPAs, which Iím not too thrilled about. The guy refers to one as Ďthickest/dankestí? and I decide that it does sound good. I offer to get him one, and he says something about not needing another, but says yes anyway. I can tell by his grin and behaviors that he is feeling it.
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    7. Saturday, May 30

      by , 06-07-2020 at 05:49 AM
      Outside in a parking lot there is what looks like a small carnival/festival tent over some seating. The tent is very low, only a few feet off the ground, causing me to wonder what kind of effect that has on the spread of the virus. I see that itís a Brewerís Cabinet Ďinformationí tent - itís spelled out in small light bulbs. They are serving tasters and I think it, with it being dim and nice outside, would be fun. I go into the main building though; it has a mostly light wood interior. I pass through two vestibule type spaces, each only big enough for a person or two. The first has greetings written in various neon colors all over. I think thereís also a menu that I largely pass over. The second space has the beer menu taking up at least two walls and also written in neon colors. There are a few gold winning beers at the top. Each beer is labeled with who brewed it; at the very bottom, this includes even the janitorial staff. I wonder about how good those are. I notice mostly IPAs, but a fair selection of others. At this point, someone comes over to take my order. Iím still looking, so she recommends a brown ale that you then email the brewer with what it tastes like. (I think itís supposed to Ďtaste like poopí?) I tell her no, look for a tiny bit longer, then end up picking it, I think just because a brown sounds good anyway. They tell me its 8.8% and 8 something else, maybe the price? Iím outside with the beer now. I try it and itís smooth, kind of light, chocolatey, and pretty good. The glass seems somewhat small. I ask a passing server if they have chicken tenders and he chuckles and says not really because theyíre so dry. (I think of the ones I got once at Claim Jumpers). I think Melissa is here now, and weíre sitting. There is quite a bit of seating. We put up an umbrella that is pretty structurally unsound.
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    8. Tuesday, May 19

      by , 06-01-2020 at 06:00 AM
      I am with Melissa at Dadís. I say Ďat Dadísí, but it looks like it is the kitchen and then absolutely nothing else around it, just kind of a barren expanse/void. It seems like itís really early in the morning, and Iím making food and getting ready for work. Iím making spaghetti, and when I put the noodles in the pot Melissa mentions how thereís lots of ĎZoe hairí. I think I just say Ďnoí because I donít care or because Iím kind of embarrassed. Itís now ready and Iím putting it in two containers but also eating some because I realize I need breakfast, which leaves a smaller portion than I wanted. I look over and Melissa is scrolling through her phone. She takes a while to respond, or just doesnít, which causes me to become very angry. I shove some of the tupperware, and then I can tell that she knows Iím irritated. I think I am only wearing boxers.




      I am on a plane with Makayla. Itís crowded and everyone wears a mask. Sheís talking to a boy about her age and I amicably join.




      I am blissfully rising up and floating through a clear blue sky.
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    9. Sunday, May 3

      by , 05-11-2020 at 10:28 PM
      Iím at what seems like a high school. There are a lot of others here, and we are all by smaller openings that kind of look like shop doors and have a common area that looks like a gym or foyer. Thereís going to be a competition of painting snowboards? and showing them off. These Ďsnowboardsí are blank wooden pieces that are taller and wider than actual snowboards. Iím painting mine with a stealie that takes up about a third of the space (towards the top) and is backed by what looks like the night sky blending into space. Looking around, I see at least two other stealies and think that the Grateful Dead must be trendy now. The group right next to me - they look like the trendy sort - are doing one: it is a close up on the lower portion of the stealie above some thick strips of Rasta color. I watch as they pour paint onto the board, it lingers and slowly starts to spread, and then of its own accord slides perfectly into the lines. The stealie itself is far too vivid to have been painted - it looks more airbrushed. I am at the first door on the left and was assuming Iíd be going first, but it turns out that Iíll be going last. It seems like these presentations are taking forever. I think thereís something about Melissa coming over after this; Iím getting impatient because this seems to be going on into the night.




      Iím at a picnic style table at the bottom of a slight but fairly long hill in what seems to be a pretty barren landscape. Iím with two others (Ryan and Mom?) and eating McDonald's. Iím eating hot dogs with onions or relish and say how I always get two of them because of the deal. I think I eat a few other things, feeling very full at this point. The last thing i eat is a piece of chocolate cake. There is a waiter that comes over a few times and a comment about him being gay as he approaches (I think he is wearing very short shorts). The others get up to leave, but I want to order dessert.
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    10. Saturday, April 4

      by , 04-13-2020 at 12:33 AM
      The owner of Beer NV is having me hand out some things - beer and food, I think - to houses, I think because they canít come inside for service. The neighborhood I am in seems pretty nice. On the porch of the first house I go to, there is actually more stuff than I was going to hand out. On a table there are a bunch of bags of snacks - chips and things. I pick up a good handful and start walking away. I then notice a male voice trailing me; I think the owner of the house noticed what I did. I keep walking and ignoring him until eventually he confronts me. I somehow work my way out of it, and we end up in a trade. I end up with three 12oz bottles of beer. They look familiar and I realize they are German, which makes me happy.
      Tags: beer, food
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    11. Saturday, March 28

      by , 03-31-2020 at 04:58 AM
      I am somewhere outside? with Melissa, Pepe, and his mom. I think they both look high and then, sure enough, she lets on that they are. She confides in us that Caesar is the head of some pot farm/ selling ring or something similar. I can see it, imagining him and his boisterous personality right now. Now, I am climbing up through some tall and thin wooden structure. I pass through Ďfloorsí that are spaces barely bigger than my body. Each side of the space, I think even including the top, is a mirror, making for a trippy experience. I now get to what seems to be the top. It is different because the sides are concave, joining in a small ceiling, and it seems thereís nowhere left to go. I donít accept this possibility though, and push on one of the sides. It opens and reveals a vast, dim space that I think may be the pot farm.




      I am in New York City with Melissa, walking along a sidewalk. The street is busy and I can smell and taste the putrid emissions from passing trucks. The sidewalk is close enough to the street, but it thins even further at one point, leaving hardly any space for foot traffic. We pass a tower with a parabolically curved glass facade. The glass is mostly translucent, but it gets much dimmer higher up. There is a space behind the glass, in which there are large advertisements. Melissa says something about how they wonít even be visible. I agree. We end up in a restaurant that seems familiar (from another dream, I think). I notice a couple about our age in the booth behind us, across from me. They are dressed pretty nice for this place and sitting on the same side. I think about their life. I notice a man in sunglasses sitting alone at a booth diagonal from us. Melissa asks to trade sides, and we do. I look through the fairly short menu and decide I want pretty much the first thing on it, some corn dog things. The waitress, brunette and maybe 30+, comes over and seems out of it, like drunk or sad or something. She gives us a minute. I look at the extensive beer list in the back. Theyíre sorted by brewery (they must all be local - I donít recognize any), under the breweryís logo. The price per beer is then listed after the name, lowest to highest, separated by slashes. Most of the first prices are six to seven dollars, but I see prices like 9,16, 27, 59, etc. I think these prices must be for bottles and/or pitchers but that theyíre still ridiculous. I guess thatís just how it is in the city. Nothing sounds too good anyway, so I figure Iíll settle for a slightly cheaper bill. The waitress returns and sits by me, putting her hand on my shoulder. It could be a nice gesture, but with how she is slightly rubbing her hand it is taken a little too far. She takes Melissaís order and then mine. I say ĎI just found something, where did it go?í, trying to find it again. I find it and tell her while also pointing. She doesnít say much. She comes back and sits again. This time she reaches over and grabs my crotch. I am a little shocked and put my own hand over it. When I move my hand, she does it again and then leaves. I text or tell Melissa and she just shrugs it off. I want to tell her what kind of reaction there would be if the genders were switched.
    12. cv.

      by , 03-25-2020 at 12:17 PM
      Some non-lucid stuff that I can remember from this morning. Only made note of the first dream in my initial morning notes.




      Dream:


      I was with dad, I think at a mall. It was like the one close to home but it was different somehow, though I had the same sense of familiarity. We were walking through the large and bright halls and as we turned around a corner we stopped, because I spotted this shop that sold ice cream and other stuff, like some pastries typical of my country and cotton candy. I wanted some of these deep fried things they had, even though I didn't feel all that hungry. I think it was just because it's been so long I had any. Not sure what dad wanted, but ice cream I think.

      We approached the counter and two other people were being served. There were two guys behind the counter too, so I thought one of them was available and I pointed at something and asked about it. Before there was any reply, dad said "let the other people get served first" but for some reason, in the dream's context I had the ability to snap my fingers to toggle how busy the dream location was. Doing this had a completely intuitive feel. I did snap my right hand's fingers and the people being served simply disappeared, as did many other people walking by around us.

      Now I asked about the food thing again. He explained they were long deep fried "waffles". Some were flavoured banana, strawberry or vanilla, with the possibility of a crusty looking chocolate topping, although I think it was more like icing.

      I asked for one of the vanilla waffle things. While I was being handed my waffle and then tasting it, I think dad was getting something for himself. The taste was somewhat overly sweet, and bland at the same time (dream characteristic which didn't phase me), but it didn't taste of vanilla very much at all. My problem with the taste however, was the texture, as I was expecting something nice and crunchy, but it was completely soft. I felt disappointed and the few bites I took made me feel full really quickly anyway. I don't remember what I did with it and I don't remember either of us paying.

      Then we continued walking through the mall, but into a different section which wasn't as open or light. In fact it felt pretty dark despite there being lights on. We walked into a supermarket inside the mall and I remember wandering around looking for something, but I don't remember what anymore. Eventually, empty-handed I went to the checkout area. I'm not sure it was dad that was with me anymore at this point.

      But at the checkout there was a couple, they were buying a desktop computer oddly enough and they wanted help from an attendant because the computer "weighs 24kg and we can't carry it", I thought to myself that despite my weakness, this couple was just being pathetic or lazy. I did think about the effort of carrying it all the way to their car in the parking sub-levels, but I also thought it wasn't really fair to ask the attendant to do that.

      Then the man from the couple started being weird, handling the computer case with relative ease he swung it around and it hit the checkout counter, on which I was sat. For some reason I was just sat there and observing. As he did hit the counter with the case, the attendant didn't even flinch like she hadn't noticed. He did it again a few times, harder this time. Now the case was visibly damaged and warped. At first the damage seemed passable, but for whatever reason I was able to look inside; I quickly told them that the circuit boards were cracked because of the metal plates pushing in and that it was no good now. The man started being upset and demanding compensation or something. Again I didn't think this was fair and either I said or thought "you break it, you buy it". The attendant seemed to be handling it though, but it made me feel no respect for this man.

      There was a transition then. I don't remember where I was now, but I had some kind of interface. I could select worlds or something?

      Then I remember a cutscene of some kind, it was in space. I could see several planets in a star system, and before it happened I knew the star was about to explode, and it did, in a green supernova, the planets burning away in a green flame of sorts. Strangely enough in the dream it was like I already knew about this cutscene (but it's the first time I've seen/dreamt it) so I was using some camera control tools or something to see the scene from different angles than it would normally play through.

      I don't remember much else from this dream other than some vague memories of night sky and stars.

      Dream Fragment:


      At my old home, in my old room. I think what brought this dream on was some thoughts I had before bed about how my old room's balcony has never felt safe, and how I always fear mom may slip some day, or that I may somehow feel compelled to jump out of it (in madness or some other irrational state).

      It was a sort of night time, a twilight of some kind. I walked into the room a bit further and saw my sibling T in the balcony. He had a top on but was otherwise naked, this was odd and bothered me on some level but I ignored it and we talked about something. From the balcony, below, I could see my other sibling was arriving with S in a white smart car. Then the doorbell rang and I walked out of the room and went to answer it, I already knew it was going to be L and S but I still picked up the intercomm set and asked who it was. I felt like I was being like dad for doing this (even though I don't remember dad ever doing this type of thing). L replied at first and I asked "who?" because I couldn't understand, then S spoke and her voice made it clear who they were and I pressed the button to open the building door.

      Dream Fragment:

      Driving, or being driven? With H. Not sure what car, but the landscape and town was a mix of my native home areas and some other places. I enjoyed the view of the nearby mountains in the dream. I remember we went over a bridge or two and there were two towns next to each other. It was day time, but sort of dark despite everything looking bright? Like I was seeing everything through heavily tinted glass, but I don't think the car's glass was tinted at all.



      Notes:
      - Last night as I had the thoughts about my old room and the balcony, I did think that it might cause me to have a dream about it. It's a shame I didn't take the opportunity to think about becoming lucid should it happen, as there were plenty of cues in that dream that could have resulted in some state of lucidity, but didn't. Keeping intention of noticing dream signs seems particularly poor for me, but I really think my sleep quality doesn't help.
      - The thing with the dream-controlling finger snapping is typical of something my dad does in his non-lucid dreams too, so either that knowledge has created some kind of bias on me, or it's a trait that can be developed because of our personalities, or perhaps simply hereditary somehow. A point of note about it is that I play games a lot where "control" comes easily, so it may simply be a reflection of how there's a lot of self-agency in that type of context.
      - The pastry type thing I wanted from the shop was more like a churro or something, but the thing I was given didn't really look like one. I actually remember they had some churro looking things locked up in a clear plastic chest that was hung on a wall on the customer side of the counter. I remember feeling like asking about it but like it would be too much bother to get one.
    13. lxx.

      by , 01-21-2020 at 04:24 PM
      The first fragment was from yesterday, I remembered more yesterday but didn't have a chance to make note of it. The other two were from today; lost most of the dreams' information due to how the morning went.



      Dream Fragment 1:


      Something about four commanders. Was supposed to meet them? Not sure. Dream took place in some concrete parking lot type structure.

      Dream Fragment 2:

      Taking a bus, it didn't look like a normal bus and only me and someone else were in it (H?), no driver, that I can remember. We got out just before a road intersection. There was a church-like building to the right, across the road, but in the dream I knew this was in the context of a university campus or something; there were a few buildings but it mostly seemed like a village area more than anything. It was quiet outside, it was day time.

      Dream Fragment 3:

      Possibly related to the previous fragment. Cooking or preparing food whilst inside a train, but generally darker than the previous fragment. I remember distant cliffs at a lower altitude but nothing specific other than a generally arid landscape. Vague memory of desaturated blue tones. Sort of day time but not very bright.
    14. Sunday, December 22

      by , 12-23-2019 at 07:38 PM
      I am at Nathanielís, watching him for a while. Iím lying on my back, with my legs straight up, him balancing his torso horizontally on my feet and holding my hands to balance. He seems to be having fun, and his personality is just as I remember it. Now, his dad is here, and he is just as nice as I remember him too.




      I am walking into what I think is a huge Walmart. As I walk in, I am cognizant of my middle parted hair hanging almost to my shoulders. Iíve decided that I am growing it out again and am pretty happy with this resolution. I also remember asking Makayla and her saying I should. I think I am going in here for a Christmas gift. I think Iíll look in the kitchen aisle for Mom and then I think for Melissa too. I end up not even finding the aisle, but end up by the cases of water. Everything looks like it is in bulk. I also notice bulk sized jugs of different tequilas and vodkas for around $10. One is called ĎJimmy Johnís Vodkaí, which I think cannot be that good. I then get the idea to look at the beer, just to see what they have. There is a somewhat small selection on a few shelves, but then I notice that it is labeled Ďnon alcoholicí. I step out into the wide and long main aisle (almost the size of a street) and notice a guy coming towards me on a bike. I started stepping into his path, but then wait for him to pass. I think I am also aware of my eyesight and how it is not that good. I have found the beer aisle now, which seems to be mostly six packs of cans in cardboard boxes. Nothing really looks that appealing. One says ĎFinally Harvest Timeí and has a graphic of a moon and the silhouette of a person. I think that canít be that good either. Now, I am by some food products and wonder if I should just grocery shop while I am here. I donít have a basket, but I can carry a few things. I am looking at the breads, thinking about what I would use them for. There is one that looks like four large pretzel rolls. I then notice the same package in someoneís cart, and the bottoms of the rolls look slightly burned. At the end of the aisle now, I see a large, circular, plastic container of frozen chicken tenders. There seems to be three groups, each arranged around a thing of sauce? The label indicates that it is a Phil Lesh brand, which I think is cool. I pick it up, contemplating getting it, but put it back because itís really big. Then, I hear Phil himself over the intercom, saying that itís my last chance if I was thinking about getting those. His voice is calm and monotonous, which makes it sort of humorous.
    15. Thursday, October 10

      by , 10-14-2019 at 07:25 PM
      I am with Melissa, in her room. It seems like it is night time, though not super late - probably a little after everyoneís started to go to bed. I hear what sounds like her dad getting home and coming into the house. Inside now, I hear him calling for me specifically. Iím a little taken aback at him calling me directly, and I look to Melissa. She shakes her head no. I think weíre both undressed, probably post-coital. I decide to go out anyway, putting on a shirt and pajama pants. I donít think Iíve put underwear on, and I look down to see if thereís a noticeable bulge. I go out to the kitchen or the hallway right before it. He has brought back chocolate and wants me to try it. The Ďchocolateí looks like a plate of rice and beans, and if itís really chocolate it looks pretty convincing. I try it and canít tell which it tastes like. As I raise a spoonful to my mouth, I see something on my hand catch Carlosís attention. He asks if I had a bloody nose. Using this perfect excuse, I say yes, I mustíve missed a spot cleaning up after it.




      Iím in the backseat of a taxi with Melissa, Brittney, and Katie. on the back of the seats there is a screen for gambling, along with buttons to press and a place to insert money. I watch Katie try it and lose $20 right away. For some reason, I try it out too. At first, I think Iíve lost $20 also, but then I see I have a $60 payout. I take the money, but then Brittney starts using some of it to play. I think she loses some of it. Iím kind of irritated, but I still come out with more than I started with. I think the taxi has been in some drive through this whole time?
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