All DJ Entries

15th April 2022

9:45
Dream:

In a somewhat surreal place. Daytime. There are some platforms? Doesn't seem like there's anybody else around.

(recall gap)

I'm at a dinner or lunch. It's sunny and bright outside, it looks a bit cold actually. The room isn't very big for a dining room and looks kind of bare apart from the table which fits in lengthways with the room. The window is a bit like the ones we have at home, double-glazed I think. Mom, dad and sibling T are sat at the table and I think I take a seat or am already sitting down too.

Then some people enter the room I think, a man in his sixties and one in his fourties; the younger man is the other's son and has a wife who is also in her fourties. All of them are naked from the waist down and have unusually large genitals, two or three times what should be average. The wife has male genitals too, of such a size though she's otherwise average and modest. She has a faded blonde-ish-ness and her hair is tied back. I see all of this while being sat down but they are standing up and talking to us. The couple sits down next to T. Dad is sitting to my left and the other "dad" is serving me bits of food. It looks like we're mostly having meat, possibly mostly charcuterie at that.

My small plate has some paprika-ish looking meat and then the older man cuts me some of those thin and long ones. Dad steals it from my plate and then the other guy makes a mock complaint while serving me some more, sitting down himself afterwards. Not sure what happens next, short gap in recall.

I'm in the bathroom now, with T? The bathroom has a big double-glazed window down to ankle level or so, with no frosting or anything. I need a wee and try to do something about it but I also watch outside and see a doing being walked just near the window. There are other houses with large front-yard gardens very much like this one, no fences. All grass is neatly mown.

After something, we're all leaving for us to go somewhere else. For some reason however, I stay behind and I think I watch the outside some more. It's different now or I'm at a different window, and see a street sloping down. Cobbled? I see them all go down this street, I think the hosts are actually fully clothed by this point. Eventually, as they get just about out of view, I decide that I should come with them too. Another short gap in recall.

Then, we're at some kind of restaurant-like place. There are large tables and we walk over to one with six seats ready, but which would have room for eight or more people. There are other people in the restaurant and they're just sitting there. They seem to be staring at us and smiling slightly, I feel a little observed I think. The older man from our host group asks me if I want any crackers and I say yes. It looks like he's made himself a cracker with peanut butter on it.

T seems to think this is a bad idea. I don't care and want to eat something, I think after having drunk some Schweppes or something. I'm about to eat the cracker, but my alarm goes off and I wake up.

9th April 2022

9:30-9:45
Dream (disjointed):

I'm in a little town-ish area. Flat with a few green spaces. It seems clear or sunny but dim too somehow, like nearing the end of the day, though not colour-wise? I go towards a small building thing. It's supposed to be like a little kiosk but for McDonald's, these two things don't really seem related, almost. I pick up some order from a young woman, reminds me of A, H's sister. My order is in a big but strong brown paper bag and I check it over quickly.

It all seems fine and I have awareness of having ordered a few happy meals menus. I walk away from the building with the bag, towards some stone stairs bit. Here, there's some dream-generated or popular character, and sibling T. They're sitting and we are about to start getting things out of the bag so we can eat here, but I suggest we should go up the steps instead and eat at one of the white tables up there. We go to the tables and they sit down. I open the bag now and get everything out. However, there's only 1 menu, which T takes.

I feel confused, and then annoyed, asking him why he didn't order menus for everyone (implied to have been the point) and as he eats a bagel from his menu, he looks at me and does that smug shrug. I feel annoyed and go back down the steps and to that kiosk building. I get annoyed once more, as the woman has shut the shutters to the shop and is probably gone by now too. In my head, I think something about it being 3PM. I open the door to the building, and inside it looks like old home, the downstairs kitchen. There's a pressure cooker on top of the hob and I open it, finding nothing inside despite some expectation otherwise.

I feel generally disappointed and annoyed. (Rest of recall for this part was lost)

(recall gap, a late part of the dream?)

I'm in a street and sitting down, talking to an unshaven Irish man (strong accent). He's a train conductor, and I'm being informally interviewed to determine whether I'm a suitable passenger for the city train he drives. I see the train in the background, we're sort of on a platform for it and there are people waiting inside the train. The Irish man is Catholic and as he's smoking a cigarette, he remarks something like "... thank God I don't follow it all to the letter."

I mention my own Catholic upbringing and he seems to quietly appreciate this. When he asks about my general behaviour, I also tell him I won't be misbehaving or loud or anything like that, and that I tend to be quiet and out of the way in general. After a bit more talking and some other questions I can't recall, he then seems satisfied with me and I can now be a passenger on his trains. I get in and there's something about seat assignment that should be happening, but because I'm new there is no seat assigned to me yet. Then, I have some discussion with the driver about this, while the train goes into a subterranean area.

He says something about refitting or remodelling the train in a few stops/minutes. Some man gets annoyed with the driver as he overhears this. The man says that he's late as is and can't wait that long. Then, something about disembarking with most other passengers. The conductor is down on the floor?

(recall gap, unknown chronology)

Something about a cyber man and cyber woman. They have a discussion about some memory. A third and younger cyber man checks his own memory for the event in question and confirms witnessing the details as relayed by the older man. The woman was lying, apparently. It was something about a loom of wires, part of an arm, and how it had been lifted. (?)

(recall gap, unknown time again)

Walking in a town, overcast. My hands feel very noticeably calloused and/or rough and I think to myself that it's the tenth day or something. I think that they're almost done forming the needed callus.

It is snowing. I am outside with Julia and possibly someone else, and it feels like we’re at work even though we’re outside on the side of a road. It is dark out, though the snow is producing some glow from the reflected light. I think it’s the first of the season, and it’s really coating everything nicely. I then get excited and ask Julia if I can take a ten minute break. She says yes, she knows this is my favorite. I start walking up the road, wearing a long sleeve with the sleeves rolled, conscious that most would be wearing a lot more than this. This area looks like Dad’s neighborhood. I’m starting to hike up the hill, and I think I pass through a house. What I’m walking on now transitions into a dark wood staircase. At one of the landings there is a box of Nature Valley granola bars. I take and start eating one. I feel pretty out of shape

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Staying at a hotel, managed by a friend and her husband. She introduces me to some guy, I think maybe trying to be a match maker, but I am not into it and it fails.
There is a guest at the hotel which we suspect has covid, but he refuses to follow the rules and spits on his hand and grabs the doorknob just to anger us. So, basically a Karen. He also brought along an entourage, My friend suspects his entourage includes some suspicious people. She collects some of their food leftovers to analyze (I thought first for covid, but it is for DNA) and she calls the authorities. Turns out the Karen is a most wanted criminal worth a 2 million reward.
My friend's husband has been a bit distracted and busy, but I notice he finally realizes of the unusual happenings and goes around trying to figure out what's up. My friend doesn't want him to know because he has this policy against denouncing the guests, even if they are wanted criminals. So she keeps it to herself and hides the money. But he saw an agent from the FBI or whatever handing her an envelope with the money and she hiding it temporariky under an armchair at the lobby. He asks me what are those samples on the fridge and looks at her notes from the past days trying to figure out what is going on. I lie to protect her and say we have been working on analyzing food quality just has he always wanted to do and that she tried talking to him a few times but he was alwasy busy. He says he noticed some guests missing and I say the guests were indeed sent away, but it was because of a covid incident and it was the health department which came and took them away for everybody's safety.
He isn't so happy with my explanations, but he accepts and kinda feels proud that his wife has been doing her best while he's been kind of absent from managing. We all go out to lunch and they make up, but when he goes to the toilet I tell her we have to talk so I can tell her what I told him and that she needs to hide the money somewhere else because he saw her putting it there. I advise her to never tell him the truth, but use the money in small investments here and there so he doesn't suspect. She is very thankful for my help and we hug.

01/19/22

I woke up around 5:00 with some indigestion. I had hoped to go back to sleep, but the indigestion kept me awake for around 45 minutes to an hour. During this time I looked at some memes and read the Bible.

Looking for the Dream Base Library

I think I might be getting better at WILDing, because I don't know if I ever lost my awareness from being awake. I think, maybe (vague memory) what I have been doing is imagining myself doing a nose pinch RC, and at some point find myself doing one. Anyway, at some point I find myself aware, and possibly do a nose pinch RC. I'm dreaming, or close to it anyway. I sit up in my "dream body", continuing to do a nose pinch RC now and then. I make my way to the front door so I can get outside and do something. I find that I don't have to worry about unlocking the door, I can just open it. I walk outside. At first I think to myself that I should try to go to Synthos again, but then I remember that I had a different plan. It seems to be a bit difficult to remember at first, but then I recall the Task of the Year, to build the Dream Base!

I had decided to work on the library. But how am I going to find it? I'm in a city. I think I just start walking with the idea in my mind of the Dream Base library. I might repeat "Dream Base library" to myself as I do so. At some point I begin to lose the dream (things go black anyway). I wait it out for a few moments, and the dream returns with me standing with my face against some obstruction hanging down from above. Someone is talking to me about how we aren't allowed to stand there staring at historic buildings (which is what I look like I'm doing, I guess). I continue my search.

I think I go into a building looking for the Dream Base library. It is some kind of a store. There are a lot of interesting things there, but it isn't the library. There is a small staircase to my left. I walk up this thinking maybe it will take me there. It seems to me it just ends after a couple of steps. I find a mirror, and think maybe I can use that as a portal. But I just keep seeing my reflection in it. Then I try to envision a portal below me and try to jump through it. Nope. I think about spinning, but I'm a bit worried I'll lose the dream if I do that. I find a blank space on the wall next to me, and try to imagine the Dream Base. Then I imagine that there is a door to my left that will lead me there.

I look to my left, and there is indeed a door. It's not quite like I imagined, but it's a door anyway. Behind it is a closet. Still not the library! Oh well, the door was supposedly going to take me to the Dream Base, so I look in the closet. There are two people with me now, possibly my nieces. We start rummaging around in all the things in the closet. Someone mentions that maybe we shouldn't mess with someone else's things, but I (or someone else) point out that it's my dream so it's all my stuff (it seems like I or they mentioned me in the third person - "All Sam's stuff").

I push some things aside, and just find a wall. There are some protrusions on the wall, like something was nailed there. I find a squarish one, and pretend that it is a button that will activate something (maybe an elevator?) to take us to the Dream Base library. It gives a little, acting like a button, and then the shelves that I have been searching start to detach from the wall. The shelves and floor that we have been standing on detach from their surroundings, and become part of a hidden elevator suspended in a somewhat darkened shaft.

The elevator can be controlled by cords that are hanging down next to us. We start descending, and somehow are aware that we are going deep into the Earth (I think), on the scale of miles (or possibly "years"). Somehow I increase the speed, and now it's possibly on the scale of hundreds of miles. Also, I lose the cord, and for a moment we don't have control of the elevator. But I think I will it to come back, or somehow get ahold of it (or a new one). I stop the elevator and wrap the cord around some sculpture-like thing next to us...

Here the dream recall is a little fuzzy, or else the dream itself skipped or something. We're on the elevator platform, and someone who has joined us is trying to get back on. There is a gap between where he is standing and where we are, and it seems that in order for him to cross this gap successfully there is a specific sequence of actions that we have to do. This involves him doing something, and me pushing on a protrusion in the sculpture next to me. It takes a couple of tries to get it right. But finally he's back on board, and we are reascending the elevator.

Here is the somewhat frustrating part - I seem to think at this point that I found the library. I thought I had in the dream, but now that I'm awake I don't remember it! But in the dream, I think to myself that I could just wake up now having succeeded in my mission. Instead though, I think it would be nice to go back to where I started, because there are people waiting for us there (or something like that) and it would be fun to return and tell them what happened. We ride the elevator upwards, and the kids turn around to see the scenery below us as we go up. There seem to be animals (monkeys?) off to the sides that are throwing things at us. We reach the top of the shaft, or at least the level of the closet. I think it would be interesting to see if the elevator would keep going up, but I get off at the closet.

I'm trying to get back to my starting point. I have an idea of which direction it is, and find that I can just force my way through doors and walls to head there. I don't quite recall what happened at this point...


Grocery Store Lucid

This might be part of the Dream Base dream, but I don't exactly remember.I'm in a grocery store now, lucid I guess. Someone is making an announcement about the lucid store, I don't remember exactly what it was. One difference between the dream store and waking stores is that the food is all in plastic bags instead of other packaging. Some other things happened, which may or may not have been lucid. At some point my mother was pointing out that it was "fish season", and I could get some catfish if I wanted. I had eaten too much fish earlier though, and fish didn't sound that good to me...Some time after this, I'm discussing this dream store with someone else. One thing I like about it is that I can eat all I want and never get filled up, since it's all dream food!

I took a nap this evening starting around 5:30-6:00 and just woke up a few minutes ago (around 8:00). I seem to have been having a decent amount of dreams, which I will try to recall here. I had been more or less successful in catching myself either having FAs or entering dreams. I think at least one of this developed into a decent lucid dream.

Making Food

There is someone that keeps asking me for things. I'm going to make her a sandwich. I have some awareness that this is a dream, or else I only have an idea that some of the food is dream food. Anyway, I decide I'm going to give my friend dream food, since it's not real anyway. I also duplicate a sandwich using dream control (lucid or not). I try to make another one appear, but seem to be having difficulty. I possibly close my eyes in the process, and then think that I shouldn't have done that.

Mystery

Either as a false awakening or a true awakening, I find myself laying facedown on the couch. But am I awake? I notice that there is something on my back. It feels like a person, but as I explore this I find that it is an automobile. I'm laying under the back of this automobile, which has gone off of the road and wrecked. Both of the people in the car are dead. I don't remember what happened, but it looks like the car swerved off of the road and hit me, possibly dragging me for a few feet. I'm worried that I caused the accident somehow, by being a distraction or something.

This seems to develop further into a more complex plot. There are other characters. I'm taking pictures of the scene so that I can try to piece together what happened on my own. The police are there too, doing an actual investigation. My phone battery is wearing out, and I'm having trouble getting decent pictures. I think to myself that I might be able to get "crime" scene photos from the police later.

I photograph some tracks I see on the ground/snow. Somehow I get involved with other characters. A late-middle-aged couple are there. They go off together somewhere. I am later sent to look for them. I have a wet wash cloth for the woman. I find her later, and it seems that her husband has died...

Awake or Not?

My friend M- is calling me. We're talking through a video chat I think, but I suspect that I'm not really awake. To test it, I get a harmonica from a table and bring it back to the couch with me. My thought is to see if it's still there when I wake up later. I also blow a few notes, and my friend (who lives in Africa) mentions something about it sounding like "American music".

Arabian Nights

...Some bad guys (and maybe a woman). They have me captured. It has an Arabian Nights kind of feel to it. At one point I think they are forcing me to pull them in a chariot? I'm trying to talk to them about something - maybe complimenting the eyes of the woman?

They want something from me. Also, they used to be my friends. The sad thing is, I would have given them what they wanted anyway. There was some unfortunate events that happened that made them try to hurt me instead.

But now they're standing at the top of a set of stairs. This is an opportunity for me, so I push them down the stairs together. It seems that by the time they reach the bottom they are just toys, and about the size of large action figures.

I go down to the bottom of the steps. My mother is there. I feel a bit silly about playing with toys at my age. I pick them up, and set one (which is like a robotic Genghis Kahn or something) on top of the bookcase next to us. My Mom asks if these are driven by an internal spring or by something like "the room behind the chimney at the top of the stairs". I ask her to repeat this a couple of times, because I don't understand what she's saying. Finally I get the idea that she means a room in my grandparents' old house that we used as an attic. In the dream, there is some kind of clockwork mechanism that could be used to drive a clockwork toy like the robot thing I have. I laugh at this, because obviously if I had plugged it in there, then there would have to be a cord attached to the toy I have downstairs!

My Friend (Lucid)

During this nap, I kept dreaming that I was waking up. I have been expecting a package to be delivered, and wanted to check outside the door to see if it had been. So at least once or twice I found myself getting up, only for it to be a dream. This time I find myself getting up. It's kind of that fuzzy half dreamlike feeling where I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or just "daydreaming". I do a couple of nose pinch RC's, I think. I also try to engage with my surroundings.

I reach to the stand by my couch and pick up a mug. It's so dark I can barely see, but I can feel it. I pick the mug up by the rim, and take a drink. I think it's tea. I think this helps me anchor into the dream a bit, even though I worry that tilting my head back to take a drink will cause me to close my eyes which can be detrimental sometimes. I then look at a picture above the electric fireplace that shows some family members, and am able to recognize some individuals. I think I might do another nose pinch, and after waiting a moment or two find that I am able to breathe a little (this doesn't always work right away for some reason).

I decide to do a bit of flying, partly to help anchor the dream I think. I'm inside, but I try to fly up through the ceiling like I did at least once before. Not having a lot of success this time, so I decide to go outside. I'm a bit concerned that I might lose the dream or lucidity in the meantime, so I do another nose pinch RC. Things seem to be going OK. I go outside and try to fly. I will myself to levitate, and kind of narrate to myself something like "I go up and up". I rise up to the level of the roof of the house. There I see C., one of my colleague/friends (she stopped by in the lab to see me during waking life today). She is standing there, and I join her. She says something to me about not having been to the lab for real yet. I get the idea that it hasn't ever been the "real" C. that has been to the lab, and her true self is yet to show up.

In waking life, I find this girl to be attractive, but due to a difference in a deeply held conviction it seems unlikely that she and I could ever have a romantic relationship. I reflect on how it's kind of nice to be hanging out with her in a way where this wouldn't necessarily be a problem. Somewhere around here I either wake up or have another FA.

Parking Garage

I’m leaving the University (I think) and walking into a parking garage. I can hear someone behind me, and act as though he might be chasing me (he probably isn’t). I try to lose him by taking a set of stairs to my right. I jump down these stairs pretty quickly. I think I hear another person behind me too.

Fragments

Maybe part of the parking garage dream – maybe it’s how that one started? I’m walking somewhere. I see another person approaching me across a walkway...

...Something about being in my grandmother's old house. People walk through one door of the sunroom and out the other sometimes during the night...

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I am taking pics and for the first time I got lucid from the always obvious dream cue that I can never take a photo. I look around and I am in a city, surrounded by lots of people. I start flying over them. I want to know if any of them is aware we are dreaming, so I tease them, but they all act like zombies who couldn't care less of someone flying, so just DCs with no reaction. I lose lucidity.

In my teens, walking down the street with Big Bad Wolf, from school to home. We are adting but in secret. He wants to touch me badly, but our school colleagues are nearby and we don't want them to know. Anyway, he stops like pretending to look at something and whispers that he can't take it anymore. I touch his arm soflty and say "wait". Then he goes past me, inside a gate to some guys' farm, who sells fruits and goes buy something to take home, and use that time to clear his head. One of my female colleagues approaches me and with a smirk says "So, I can see love is in the air". I deny, embarassed, but she doesn't buy it.
I keep going all alone. It's getting dark when I arrive at the main road leading home. I spot a couple rats running away and I follow them. They stop at some trash bags lying on the ground, looking for food. They find nothing but tissue and cardboard and start chewing on it. I try to stop them, worried about their health. Then I look for food in my bag, find a couple pieces of bread and give it to them.
Finally at home, but not living with my parents. I am in the apartment I lived in near my mother some years ago. I recognize the kitchen, although it is like 3 times its real size and looks more like a supermarket. There are really long shelves on the wall with lots of food. I go check what's expiring, so I cook something out of it and find lots of weird foods I would never buy. Then my mom comesfor a visit and sees some cookies and powdered milk I selected and put on the table and she says she'll bake me a cake with it. Then I am looking for the trash cans and other itens in the kitchen and find a bursted water pipe leaking to the trash cans and all the trash flowing to the floor.

Last night's dreams involved a bit more blood/gore than usual. I have had these kinds of dreams after taking valerian or vitamin b-6, but I didn't have either last night. I did take 50mg of Benadryl, which might have had something to do with it. Or it might have just been a fluke. I don't remember seeing anything more gruesome than usual during the day.

Should have been lucid

I'm somewhere, there seems to be a lot of people around. I see a glass case with a sign inside that says something involving the word "dream". I look suspiciously at this, thinking it looks a lot like something from a dream. I do a nose pinch reality check, but for some reason I'm having trouble. The trouble is either that I can't pinch my nose all the way closed, or there are too many people around for me to want to stand there holding my nose, or something. Anyway, I give up on the nose pinch (for pandemic related issues, I avoid touching my nose in public, obviously). I pull out my phone instead to look at the numbers, I think. Now I'm having trouble reading what's on my phone. But I still don't become lucid at this point. Whether or not I eventually did, I don't remember.

Bloody Murder

A story/movie plot (?) involving vampire-like things. Or maybe just a murderer. I think there is some bloody scenes. This may or may not be a part of the dream fragment involving popcorn:

Popcorn

I want to buy some popcorn. Someone else (my mother?) and I are in a concession stand/store where many different kinds of popcorn are being sold. I'm putting together a bag of various flavors, and I think I decide to do mainly cheese flavors. There seems to be some disagreement with the shop owner.

Rotting corpse

Something about having a dead body laying around. I think about how people move dead bodies outside (or bury them maybe?) and how that might be because they start to attract worms and such after a while. There are some gruesome scenes of maggot/worm/bugs infesting a corpse.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I am my current self but in my teenage body living at my parents house. They have adopted or at least are fosterimg some nordic teenager boy and I only know about it when he comes in to stay. He is supposedly a bit of a trouble, but I am very nice to him and he seems to respond well to that. He also has a black cat exactly like my cat Cuscus and they get on immediately, going around the house together and I think that's a good sign. I have to give the boy a tour. I show him my bathroom, that now is our shared bathroom and I find some adult man in there. My parents say it's ok, he is supposedly the father or tutor of the kid, which makes no sense to me. I thought the kid was an orphan. My parents say the man will be staying with us for a while too, until the kid is adapted. I tell him this bathroom is the kid's bathroom and the big one is for the adults and he says he likes this one better and ask if we can leave cause he is using it. I immediately dislike him and want him gone from my house. Then he tells me I should go help his son making breakfast. The kid goes in the kitchen and he is a bit lost. He is looking for the food and utensils and I kindly ask him what he needs and what he wants to eat. So far he is always humble, kind and thoutghtful when dealing with me. I believe we will be very good friends and I tell him that. Then his dad comes on and joins in eating bread with our margarine and immediately mocks it, saying he will bring real butter imstead of this crap. I tell him I am vegan and although my parents aren't, they are ok eating the stuff I buy without a problem. He shows disdain and I just want him gone again.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At an office to apply to a course and a scholarship. I pass all tests but they say they'll give me the scholarship because they did an MRI while I was being interviewed and they say I have tumors in my left boob and need support. I am speechless and tell them I actually have cysts and tumors everywhere but not on my boobs and that makes no sense. Classes are all day on fridays and at first I am happy with the schedule, but then remember I am already going to another school and have a packed schedule on friday.

Some excursion to the north of Portugal. On arrival to some town there is a feast prepared for us. I am starving and jump right in, but others are quicker than me and all I get is some bread dipped in olive oil. There are some activities later, kids playing and adults picking fruits. I am flirting with some hunk who is into me, but at the same time is keeping his distances because he seems to not want others to know. I get bored and go for a walk and all of a sudden I am walking in Lisbon with my mom and aunt Lisa. I don't recognize the streets though, they look so good. Lots of glamorous cafés and restaurants. I see Tatiana dressed like a pinup, blond hair, looking gorgeous, entertaining some customers sitting on tables outside a café with her name. I can see she is doing really well. I think she sees me, but I pretend I don't and just keep going. I feel ashamed that I am a bit jealous of her. Meanwhile, we come across my dad who looks pissed, because he was kicked out of a store for not being well dressed enough. I think he looks ok, not posh but also not ragged. He speaks to my mom privately as they walk ahead and then he leaves. I ask her if he was trying to open a bank account at some posh bank and she says it was just a famous kitchenware brand store. And I was like wtf. Also commented that if it was Elon Musk in rags they would welcome him with open arms. She says he asked her help for shopping new clothes. Then mom and Lisa transform into Margarida and an old Japanese frail lady but I haven't adjusted to that change, so I treat the old lady as if she is Lisa and I make some joke and slap her hard in the arm. As a result, the old lady almost falls down and when I realize it, I apologize a lot. But the lady smiles gently and speaks very softly and tells me it's ok.

I had this dream about a month ago, but never wrote it down. I just remembered it today. It's 90% genuine, but some parts I had to fill in.
WARNING : IT IS VERY DISGUSTING.

I appear on a large boat (ship). I am a new worker on this boat. We are in a different time period. It seems a decade or two in the future. Society has collapsed and people are trying to survive. There is a lack of food in the world. The boat I'm on is going on a long journey. We are likely traveling across the ocean. It will be several months before we make contact with any land.

The ship is industrial. This is far from some luxury cruise; it's a working ship. One of the managers leads me down to the barracks underneath the deck. Upon walking down there, I notice a profound smell of sewage. It's not a normal sewage smell, it's more of a sweet swampy sewage smell. There's also a chemical smell on top of it that somewhat covers it up and makes it smell plasticy. To be more blunt, it's a really rotten smell. As I continue down the stairs, this wafting humidity keeps blasting me in the face. It's more humid than a sauna down there.

I get to the bottom of the stairs and enter the room. The room has bunk beds in one section (but a few additional beds added as an afterthought). In between some of the bunk beds are these large vent tubes. You know the kind of industrial PVC tube that comes out of the ground in industrial areas. The tubes are about 1 foot in diameter and bend down at the top to form a partial U shape. Jetting out of these tubes is fog that smells like I described - bad. The crazy thing is that these other workers have to sleep down there, right next to the sewage vents.

I meet some of the other workers. They are shirtless and dirty. They don't bother wearing any shirts because they get wet and dirty immediately. When I talk to them, they seem friendly and somewhat accustomed to the environment (although not completely). The metal floor is slimy and slippery. In some places there is sludge and sewage on the floor. They tell me to take off my shoes cause I won't be needing those. We all glide across the floor as we walk. They've gotten used to sliding to move apparently. I think to myself how much of a health hazard this place is, but it seems like we were all desperate and just had to make do with the situation.

The men teach me the purpose of this place and what my job was. This boat is a fully sustainable boat. Our waste goes into the container below this floor and it gets processed chemically. The sludge is then atomized and sprayed out the tubes. Underneath some of the tubes, you can see some small gardens growing out of the sludge. There is no sunlight or windows down there, but it just grows on it's own. It's mostly mushrooms and root vegetables that are growing, but there's also eggs growing on the ground.

They told me to go fetch a basket from the rack. There is a rack of baskets hanging that look like metal kitchen colanders. I was meant to go hunting for eggs and mushrooms in the sludge. I was then meant to clean them off and put them in the colander. I began doing my duties. Whenever I got close to the vent, I had to hold my breath and then run away to catch a breath.

Nobody really wanted to be there, but this is how we survived. We grew stuff, pooped and grew again. We could survive forever this way. I sensed we were going to be out at sea for a very long time.

20th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm with H I think and someone else, a woman, maybe a lead character from something. At first we're "silently" killing Combine soldiers with desert eagles as we descend through a compound via some long and wide stairs, not unlike those in HFC instances although the setting looked sort of Half-Life-ish I suppose. (I say "silently" because the guns are actually stupidly loud but if we kill the soldiers with one shot or two very quickly, nobody else is alerted even if they are standing next to them)

I'm constantly low on ammo as I can see on a Half-Life 1-like GUI. I feel the other two are picking up all the ammo and leaving none for me, probably not on purpose. Near the end of this segment, we screw up a silent kill because of the distance and gun inaccuracy, all of the enemies have now become alert and we have a kind of stand-off at a landing on the stairs, we have the higher position. We use smoke grenades to force them to come a bit closer to reduce ammo waste, especially since I'm so low on ammo. I recall I have an UZI that I swap to but see that it only has two bullets left and become annoyed, since my DE is about to run out too.

Then for some reason, lots of food stuff is out next to us in the middle of all of this, tinned food mostly.

Fragment:

Near the end of this fragment. Something about a facility with a reactor in it, which has been running on edge. Earlier in this dream I was at this location but many years in the past, and this present is a time of post-destruction. Someone wants me to have a look at the reactor.

(The area of this fragment reminds me of a deathmatch map from HL1 that I must have spent a considerable amount of time playing in with my siblings.)

12th June 2021

Fragment:

At a supermarket, buying some things I think in the frozen food aisles.

Unfortunately can't recall more than that anymore.

I am at Melissa’s house and logged onto Dante’s Zoom class fairly late. Alex, and I think Cody, are here and at times they can be seen in my background (I have moved around a few different times). I hear Alex ask Cody if he likes the Tedeschi Trucks band. He pronounces it ‘ta-deshy’, whether seriously or not I’m not sure. I know I started out in front of a blue curtain, but now I’m in a little hallway between the garage and house. I’m wearing a hat and/or hoodie and Melissa says something about them not recognizing me. Melissa steps over me once and once again on her way back - it is almost sexual. I’m not sure I’m worried about anyone seeing. Now I think we’re on a break and I’m in what looks like Dad’s backyard. We’re back now and playing a Jeopardy type game. I don’t think I’ve even had my volume up for most of this class. I think the class is scheduled to go later but he cuts it a little early. I am eating some chicken nuggets or strips. The sky looks like a nice later afternoon with a few stray clouds.

28th April 2021

Fragment:

Spoiler for short explicit fragment:

Something about my genitals? I try to clean up but fluids (semen, blood, urine) are leaking.

Fragment:

Repairing a circuit board but the solder is a vivid cobalt blue and the soldering iron is magnetic which annoys me because it frequently moves away against my will. I don't do too well anyway. I have to go across some traces but I'm not sure which ones and find myself wanting an original board for a side-by-side comparison so I can know what I'm doing.

Fragment:

AH is alive. We're in a library? It's dark and there are some computers too, I think. The shelves and furniture are all dark wood stain.

AH looks much younger, younger than me, even.

Fragment:

Blueberry tart thing which some guy makes over at a cafe in L. This guy is a young chef, pretty stereotypical look for a white male of his age of that area. H is with me at some point, I think I become excited about the food?

---

Notes:

- I have recently seen AH's profile be online, this has confused me and I haven't attempted to communicate with whoever is using it. I have some sort of apprehension about it because I'm afraid of it actually being AH, which I know would lead to me ultimately feeling betrayed and deceived, again.

- In the first fragment, my first thought after recalling was that the three fluids in question are inseparable parts of what it means to be a living being of our complexity.
-- The requirement of satisfying basic needs is something that has always both bothered me and intrigued me in some sense. I have often wished that these mortal aspects did not have to be a part of our existence as conscious beings, but part of me also knows that a lot of meaning is/can be derived from the needs of survival.

- Come to think of it, it's curious the blueberry tart involves blue and the solder was a essentially a vivid blue, too. I am not sure right now of what significance it has at the moment.