Recent DJ Posts

Dreams taken from phone memos from today and yesterday. Will try to arrange chronologically and make notes for each day separately.

---

7th:

Dream Fragment:

There's a high school context to the dream. Vi from my class back then, he was walking around with me, near my old home. We were headed towards the main square or the subway?

In reality we'd never spoken a lot, but in the dream we were talking non-stop for some reason. I was telling him about a god of war? And about a dark goddess.

Not sure where this fits into the dream but I remember some other part, relating to this goddess. There are strange cliffs, rock looks sedimentary; and there are scattered graves but I don't remember what they look like anymore. I spoke to the dark goddess I think.

Other stuff happens in between and all I have left is a fragment from the end of the dream. I was gigantic and a ten story building was only about ankle height for me. I was running somewhere, taking long strides over cities and hills. I avoided excessively mountainous areas. It was quite sunny and clear.

Some areas were under mass floods, because of the dark goddess? Something about her being angry. There were craters or abysses which the water spiralled into.

Notes:

- The irony of the last part of this dream is that this is one of my current lucid challenges.
- I don't remember what I was wearing, or if I was wearing anything at all in the last part of the dream, but in the early parts of the dream I was wearing my old cream hoodie, except it had a front pocket thing, which it actually doesn't.
- I don't remember actually seeing this goddess in the dream, but I have an archetype appearance in mind visually, where she appears sort of half-naked and has somewhat messy but long black hair. Has red iris eyes.

---

8th:

All sort of a continuous dream, but transitions and details are highly fragmented:

Inside some structural complex. My family is here, primarily siblings and parents. I remember L talking and showing me a few things around the place. I think this place was like a house L and S were building?

There's certainly lots of concrete to the structure, and some sort of carpeting thing going on. I remember a diffused sunlight from directly above. At this point I was in a concrete tunnel overhang with huge glass panes to the side. I could feel that the sunlight was coming from a diffusing rectangular skylight much higher up.

Then after seeing into a few different rooms and going a bit dark, there was a transition of some kind.

I was just outside the building I used to live in. It's daytime but not sure what the sky is like. Colours are semi-vivid. H is here in some form and I feel like I'm a small girl or something. I play around the cobbled area and then there's something about money. I was making 100 an hour by just moving some small 1kg bags of flour? But because there was limited demand, then I wasn't needed anymore, which made me disappointed.

Transition or cut.

Short sequence where me and H were about to play some board game. Not sure where we are, but indoors. Then all of a sudden, MB appears. I feel really apprehensive and tense, but oddly enough H is fine with his presence. I remember what I told mom some days ago in waking life, that we don't let MB hang out anymore, and yet here he is.

We play a test round of the board game and then I start putting it all away, in the hope he'll get the hint and go away. I am confused as to why H hasn't told him to go either. I feel on edge and like I could become aggressive.

Transition.

Some weird sort of library. Reality physics mixed with game-type physics. There's a very short farclip plane. H is here and talks to me about something. I remember a purple and orange haze and some bookshelves. I walk around somewhat disorientated. I remember going into a room that I could see clearly and there were rolled up bits of paper, or scrolls?

Transition again.

I was on the computer, looking at a reddit link from some support group forum for people with my illness. The reddit link had an embedded youtube video that had some furry characters on the preview.

The first line I remember either from reddit or the video description was "The inner drunkard voice of the characters we draw ghandara macrophylla". This doesn't fully make sense even in the dream and somehow I also feel the video will likely have someone with a really annoying voice, so I don't think I played it anyway. Passing thoughts about drawing.

Notes:

- I had to look up "ghandara", and the closest word I could find is "gandara", which means wetland(s) in Galician. Though it's a fairly familiar language, I didn't know this word specifically. "macrophylla" I know from plants, meaning large leaves or so. So that would make it "large leafed wetland" or something in a more literal sense, but it still doesn't link directly to the rest of the description text. I think in the dream the "macrophylla" was just a misspelling of "macrophilia" but it still doesn't explain the other random word.
- Perhaps the oddest thing about the video link was that I have neither used reddit nor any online support group for my illness in a long time. The rest of the fragment's context seems to relate more to the fact that I haven't been drawing lately, mostly because of how I've been feeling, but also to the natural feelings of jealousy that seem to crop up in me sometimes when the art of others is on show.
- In the weird haze library area, the purple and orange may have been a bit symbolic, as I associate purple to myself and orange to H, who was also there.
- When MB was playing this board game with us, he was being as irritating as ever, all the more reason I wanted him gone.
- Although I remember S was in the first part of the dream, I don't remember hearing her speak, which seems unlikely. That first part felt like the longest and the second part felt like the shortest.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

At my moms, although a slightly different house. It is in the middle of a city. But still at the top floor. On her room is my late grandma, still alive, laying in bed. I am with her. On the next room is my mom, my dad and some other relatives. The wall separating the two rooms cracks horizontally. My dad thinks the house will crack more and I think there has to be a reason behind it. That's when everything starts shaking. Through the window we see other buildings shaking violently and breaking apart. My dog Soraia is with us, I keep her near. Parts of our house start to collapse, like some outer walls. My grandma on the bed falls down with part of the room. My mom cries in panic. I suggest we all move to under the doorstep. When finally things are more stable, we assess the damages in the house. After the shock I say it is time to go outside because is dangerous to stay. My mom offers to go down the building's staircase and I say it should be me going, because I think it is dangerous for her. She insists and I warn her that she might find dead people. We hear a child cry somewhere on the floors below. She goes anyway. I gather my cats on a crate. Fairly easy to do except for Cuscus which forces me to go to the collapsed room looking for him. Meanwhile my mom returns, says the stairs are blocked 2 floors below. Couldn't find the child. We consider staying there until rescue comes but it might take weeks and it is not safe. So we find there is a connection between the roof to other rooftops of buildings that fell over each other. Through there I find ta way for us to reach the street. Most people seem disoriented but we find a group which seems to have a plan and knows where to go. I consider we join them. Then I am warned that some bad dudes are trying to steal one of my pets from where I left them in crates, near a car. But it is not a cat they are taking away, it is a falcon. I run and insult them but eventually the falcon flies away and escapes them. Then I call him back and he lands on my arm.

With friends, at some ancient site, like a temple or palace, awaiting for our Guru's teachings. As we wait for info about what's going to happen, Rinpoche drops by and hands over a bunch of papers with poems. He says we should go make copies, distribute them and study the texts. Then he turns away to leave, but our eyes cross and I understand I should follow him. I follow him through a corridor, I stop seeing, everything is dark and then it's like I enter another time and dimension. The floor is covered in flowers and on both sides of the aisle there are people throwing flower petals and offering precious substances. I spot Rinpoche again at the end of this path and at the entrance of a private garden area. When we are there alone, we kiss. He becomes a young, athletic, beautiful prince, with long hair with a bit tied up on top of his head. I also turn into an Indian looking princess-like beauty with a vaporous white dress. We enjoy the sensual delights of being alone and free to love in this solitary magical retreat. Apparently for a long undisturbed time. We have a son. At some occasion I am bathing in a lake and playing with my boy. From a short distance, I see my love looking at us, very serious. He is majestic and he carries a dagger in his right hand. As he walks towards me, I get in some kind of horny surrendering trance. I get out of the water and I lay down on a stone surface and welcome him in my arms. He lays down with me. But he is talking very seriously about people in some other time and dimension. He says with aggravation that they will at some point stop going to temples and looking for us. They will instead go to shopping and movies and other mundane things and we will have to be with them, among them, doing those things with them, for them. Then I black out and start drifting in what I would describe as the multiverse, a dark void where a myriad of universes are laid out in an infinite geometrical matrix and I see them unfolding in their infinite diversity, overwhelmed.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I live in some ruined temple, like a spirit or ghost, kind of dreamy detachment, not interacting with humans for ages. I am balancing on a swing in a large inner courtyard and singing a song in a traditional Indian style. Then some kind of holy man comes by and sees me. He takes me for a goddess, bows down and worships me. He says my name, something starting with an "S" and kind of long, like Saraswati, but with a couple of "M" in the middle. Slowly I start recalling being this goddess and I feel immensely melancholic, with all the sorrows of the world in my heart. He runs to tell everyone that this goddess is back, thousands come to see me.
But one man or demon doubts that I am immortal or hates me, so he shoots an arrow at me. I feel pain and he takes it as proof that I am no goddess. Then another man throws another arrow, and another and so forth. The pain is unbearable, but I dont feel that I am dying. Then people who stand by my side also start throwing arrows at the attackers and it seems the whole humanity is fighting, until I fall into the ground, more sad than hurt. Then some men and women around me stop shooting arrows and simply take care of protecting me and taking me to a safe place. They take care of me, remove the arrows with so much love and devotion and I feel better again. The man who threw the first arrow is killed and the fight stops. They bring me back to the temple and organize to take care of me and provide me what I need. I have a room, which looks more like a storage room of antiques, filled with ancient treasures, maybe offerings from my devotees. I feel so tired, I just want people to leave me there quietly alone for eons. But people can't just be quiet, they keep coming to visit me, looking for me, wanting to talk to me.. But I'm like a delicate flower, they shouldn't come close, they shouldn't touch me or talk to me. I stay in absolute silence whenever they address me and I finally decide I need to leave again from this human realm. It's too heavy for me. I hide in a moldy wardrobe, they think I am playing hide and seek and eventually take a peak inside. But I am no longer there. I just needed a dark quiet place to slowly float away to another plane. I can see them as if I am still sitting in the wardrobe, but I am nowhere and everywhere, until humanity needs me and deserves me some day. Then I'll reemerge.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

With a friend, we are going to denounce some corruption in the police. There is a conspiracy and they do what they can to stop us. A traffic policewoman doesn't want to let us drive away in our car, we understand she is looking for reasons to detain us, so we run away. We are followed, we split. I enter the internal affairs or something like it and I meet the detective that already is expecting us. I sign a letter with my testimony. Even in there he has to do some tricks to protect the statement and the evidences from corrupt colleagues.

With some boys, having some classes on metallurgy, learning to make some instruments and later applying to some competition.

With mom, arriving to a house at the very edge of the woods. We spot 5 kids coming out of the house, all fired up over something. They get on a boat at a nearby peer and we keep watching their journey as if watching a movie. They sail the sea and face sea monsters and are almost swallowed by a whale. They end up on the shore of some dream island and welcomed by some Greek goddess. People live there in peace, away from the human world, protected by this magical monsters that live around and in the island.

I go down to the beach and meet these amazing black shiny horses that jump on the ocean and they swim to the shores of the idyllic island. I follow them there. Nothing happens on the way. Once on land, I learn the island is full of wild animal spirits. The population here stays indoors after sunset and keeps the fire burning for protection, because the evil spirits attack at night. But the fire extinguishes and we are attacked by a spirit in the form of a black puma. When he is about to attack me, he stops but still hurts me with its claws. Wants me to follow him to his cave. Zilla is there to and tries to hit him with something, so I can run. I don't want to hurt the puma, so I use the chance to escape and he gives up and goes away. Later, a demonic boar is attacking a lady and I also have to beat it until the spirit leaves.

Dream 1 - seds exam
Me and my friend John are in a car and driving around for part of a field trip related to the sedimentology paper we're studying. I remember being near the coastline and seeing some calm water while we're on a dirt road nearby under the canopy of some pine trees. I think we're pissy about something. We're back in the paleosed lab in our geology department studying for the exam now which is related to the field trip we've just been on. John tells me that the other people studying have placed the 'backshore' zone *here* (he shows me somehow, maybe with a picture). I get annoyed, "dude they're doing it wrong. Look at this" I start illustrating the beach and shoreface zones in their entirety and start teaching him about everything. "Well damn mister sedimontologist huhuhu" he says jokingly (kind of an inside joke where he's saying I'm a smartass ).

Dream 2 - Goddess Nightmare
This dream was a little weird. I remember being on a boat, surrounded by water. I know that in the direction behind me is land somewhere but I can't see it. There are other people on the boat but I don't recall seeing them. There's internal dialogue going on, I'm just.. Thinking?
"The beginning of the world was due to the contact between the gods and goddesses" (this is similar to Greek mythos I think, Oranos the sky father and Gaia the earth mother). I'm in the water now, the boat is non existant and the dream is showing the distance between gods. I represent a god that is wading in the water, while in the distance I know there is another god but she's only just visible and is wading in the water. It's supposed to be impossible to contact one another, but the dream story says that we do and that is how everything begins.

It is now a different time, the 'present'. Mankind has to be careful of the gods and goddesses because they walk among us in disguise. They require constant sacrifices every day. Some seduce their prey and kill them in their houses. I think a hot woman picks me up and we head to her house. She's actually a goddess (surprised?)... I think she goes into another room to get change and tells me to wait here (in the living room I guess). I think I somehow discover she's a goddess as I seem to see her on her bed in a red fishnet body dress thing. She was doing erotic stuff and I was like "oh shit she's going to kill me" so I ran and hid. Another person turns up and she kills him instead. I'm hiding in her closet but it's full of 'skins'. Like body suits she can wear to disguise herself. Behind them all is another door which takes me into another bedroom. She's still after me so I think I bolt out the window and onto the grass outside. I run downhill on the lawn towards the main road and manage to escape but the whole time I was terrified. Like she could get ahead of me somehow and come around some corner with an axe like they do in the horror movies O_O. I decided I wanted to wake up so I did.

I was a young man, standing on a verandah. Overhead the sky darkened with a migration of birds. Tiny hawks with red caps began to descend and line up on the verandah railing. As more birds appeared, I noticed that they were organizing themselves by color. The birds ahead of me were all white, those to the right were all green, those to the left were all red. Those behind me had dark, variegated plumage: mostly dark grey and brown, with streaks of yellow and white. Among the white birds on the front railing, the centermost began to sing. As she sang, her image fluctuated between bird and human. In the back of my mind, I—the dreamer and critical observer—noted that she was singing in the vernacular and was slightly disappointed. But I—the young man whose perspective I had taken—was fascinated and enthralled. "Goddess, goddess!" he exclaimed, rapt.

Afterwards he went inside to tell his mother about this extraordinary experience. Then he went back out to find the moonstone he had left on the verandah. He went back in and started boarding up the window that looked outside. (I can't remember why.) Meanwhile, his mother was regarding him with a patient but slightly exasperated expression. If the young man were more observant—as was I, the dreamer—he would have understood that his experience was not unique, as he seemed to believe. She was looking at him this way because she had experienced the same thing at some point in her life. I was even aware that she had a moonstone of her own, and was considering whether to show it to him. But the young man seemed oblivious, perhaps preferring to believe that the experience had been for him alone, and the mother seemed to hesitate about whether or not to reveal that she had seen the goddess once too.

Night of August 4, 2015. Tuesday.



Here I go with a bad habit of a titular trend again (the other being “Not Quite…”). My apologies.

My wife Zsuzsanna and I are walking through a (unknown) city and enjoying our moments together. I sense an inner glow and realize we are not quite “human” in the sense of being able to blend in with others randomly wandering about in the streets.

I am walking closer to a group of people when it seems my wife says “I don’t know if we should be doing this”. It is very clear and even resonates as my wife’s voice, yet at the same time, there is sudden micro-amnesia and I cannot remember if I had said it or she did.

What she meant was that I should not attempt to communicate in any way with ordinary people (or at least the people in the area). A man turns around and looks in our direction. My wife transforms into her human form with an apparent optical illusion as the light above and behind her is actually the sun. The man looks confused for a short time, because the sun had shifted from one side of the sky to the other to match its new implied placement behind us.

“I read your wife’s lips in the video”, he says somewhat sarcastically. “Your wife was talking about reincarnation.” (What sort of idiot do we have here?) Aha, I get it now. She was talking about the carnations on the table beside her, not reincarnation (in my dream she had actually apparently said “red carnation” which looks like “reincarnation” to a lip reader, I would guess). The mob looks restless.

I then start to “recall” (via false memory) that my wife is the reincarnation of Pearl Dower. This will not do even though it makes a fair amount of sense through my dream’s hazy state of mind. We need to leave the area before more people arrive. My thoughts become muddled. There is no exact date of death for Pearl that I know of (and another Pearl died who would have been a half-sister before I was born) so I cannot confirm the idea is even feasible in the first place. I am trying to reason it out. It is probably just another annoying puzzle that will not ever go anywhere. Just as I come out of my dream, I clearly hear someone (an older male) shout “Sit down!” as if some sort of echo from a meeting, perhaps seconds previously, or very long ago.

07.04.2015

The Love Chamber (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

There was some sort of love chamber. Said room would make the most romantic experience ever, as long as a couple entered it, of course. I was competing for it, as I liked a girl who liked me also, but I had my doubts, as she liked another guy also.

I talked with that gal a lot, and I believe we kissed, but I saw her kissing the other guy too. That guy's friends were making their best for me to not connect with that gal.

I wanted to go to the chamber, and some people was distracting me with science projects and pushing me, but I finaly made it. It seems that she was going to pick me afterall and there was some deal of going inside with a calculator and a notebook. The other guy told me I could go fetch mine (someone stoled it from me.) And he would tell the gal to wait for me. Of course I knew this was a hoax, so I said, "Screw the mats thing." The gal came, she was like a goddess, defenitely not human as she has a thick white aura and was very tall. She hugged me and said she picked me.



We entered the love chamber. The energy of the room was massive, smell of incense and a very romantic music hard to describe. It was candlelight lit... We sat together, looked into our eyes and... sadly woke up.

Morning of October 13, 2014. Monday.



There were (among other dreams on this date) three dreams that slightly ran into each other. The last one was extraordinarily lucid, of the type of apex lucidity I do not usually post online, though there is a humorous side here. I enter the state somewhat slowly, being aware of the various environmental features which come into focus and which I know are solely in-dream (which is typical of this state since earliest memory). Finally, when I am in the full-body state, having arrived, so to speak, I notice it is a version of my sister Marilyn’s house, being similar to her living room. This was probably residue from the previous longer dream (which was non-lucid). Within a short time, with no need to mentally will a scenario, a goddess-like girl appears, seemingly a younger version of my wife but dressed somewhat atypically. (The Loomis Street house is where I was staying when she first wrote to me in 1991.) I am fascinated with the realism and reach out for a full embrace. She seemed to have walked from around a corner, although technically there was no corner and it was more like walking from behind an invisible prism of human height. I am amazed by the clarity and the beauty of the imagery. However, I am also aware of environmental noises at times (in the real environment as I am sleeping).

I decide to leave the dream state to make sure my real body is in a comfortable position. However, when I “wake”, I do not notice right off that I have had a false awakening into another dream (though I am not lucid now) and in much the same environment. Eventually, I do come to realize that I went into a less vivid dream rather than really waking up, which seriously annoys me, so then I do wake up.

Previously, my earlier dream was a typical “search” type where I just look for old documents and such. I had wanted my mother’s old letters to my sister to do more research on my life that I had not documented myself, as she wrote quite often to Marilyn from mid-1967 to mid-1978. However, after my sister died in real life it was the typical fiasco where one person (not even a relative, but a supposed “friend” of hers) decides to throw everything out with no consideration for anyone else in the family or even attempting to communicate with anyone. In my dream, though, I actually see a younger version of my sister walking to one of her dressers and she seems slightly confused by how everything has been put into bundles, with almost everything in her house in stacks (including clothes, books, personal documents, and so on). I do manage to find some letters, which I believe are the ones I want. There is also a scene where a box has been put aside with certain things wrapped for my oldest daughter. There are many manila envelopes in the front room that seem sealed, some apparently related to comic books I had made for her (far more than in reality).

In another dream, I am seeing most of humanity as a different “species” than myself, which is no surprise. People, that is human beings, start out as some sort of chimpanzee-like being and as they grow older, they turn into a creature that resembles a baby elephant. This is possibly a play on how “apocalyptic” elephants came from representing my childhood fear (pachydermophobia developed out of real-life events) to representing people falsely promoting soon-upcoming worst-case scenarios (doomsday or judgement “trumpeting”).

Morning of October 3, 2014. Friday.



I am living in a very large castle that, in some ways, is somewhat like the inside of a modern shopping mall in layout, though also has features of a boarding house (though more expansive). I am not sure of my place in this gated society. I walk around the environment without incident for a time. Assuming the orientation is relative to my present home’s (though there is no technical reason why it should be) it is longer from west to east and with a wide hall (west assumed to be the front though I am not outside of that area).

There seems to be the memory of a girl in my care. She is eleven years old and with dark hair and green eyes and is seemingly a young version of my wife (even though I seem more of a step father here). I become aware of this when she is ready to leave in a car (on the east end) to go to a party with several other people. This seems to be some sort of party representing finality of something (such as the last day of a school year). She is wearing an elaborate light blue gown. There are at least two well-known celebrities in the car who I think are female pop stars though there are males as well. I have concern for her safety and tell her to get out of the car and to come back into the castle. This concern is based on awareness of mainstream pop culture (and my total dislike of it) and “knowing” that drugs or alcohol may be freely available at the other location (though later, the location actually seems to be another part of the same castle - unless they visited elsewhere before coming to a different area of the castle to party).

At first she seems slightly confused and a bit annoyed, but becomes more “stable” as well as passive in my decision. From here, I go around “telling people off” about their attempt to destroy the child’s soul and natural (or instinctive) self-governance regarding right and wrong (also relative to possibly latent divine abilities such as healing and precognition). Although I take full control at this point, I am not lucid in any way.

One of the people I “tell off” about the event seems to be her birth mother (though I do not recognize her - though I do say her name which I have forgotten, though I think it may be Gretchen), who is being kept in a holding cell (unsure of the crime she is there for) that is not that secure and with at least three other females around her age lounging about on the floor. It is very similar to a low-fenced rectangular area where people pay a small fee to feed smaller animals during some expos and it is out from the middle of one wall in a much larger room. A bit of hay is on the floor for bedding. She seems angry that I have done this but I am not impressed at all by her supposed reasoning which seems shared by many - “fun at all costs” and subjecting oneself to endless passive entertainment like a slow death. I ask her if she is okay and she makes a remark about two male drunks having disturbed her sleep the previous evening by yelling randomly around 3 am when walking down the street (from the southeast). It does not concern me as they were not a threat to the security of the castle (or gated city) at any point.

Over time, I begin to single out and eliminate the people associated with pop culture or erroneous beliefs (not through any type of violence but by spurring the castle’s seemingly ruling “public” into proper action and the removal of the offenders). A few people deny the charges and hide in their quarters for the duration but I know they will be gone soon, which means all undesirable music of particular defeatist phrasing types will no longer be extant in the entire region.

In a northeast section of the castle I use some sort of advanced testing equipment in the location where the party had taken place. It is some sort of powder with fluid-like properties (depending on what it falls on) made up of nanomachines. When most of the target is covered it creates a virtual monitor on all the surfaces with a report of the findings (down to the molecular structure). I try it on the stove they were to use at the party and all the sides then have many flashing instances of the word “warning” in red, white, and black; equidistant columns and rows by about three inches or so over the appliance. There is also a sort of buzzing alarm-like sound from somewhere (apparently a temporary virtual speaker formed by the nanomachines). The warning relates to both an illicit drug having been in contact with the oven as well as a poisonous chemical (associated with oven cleaner). This is only some of the evidence I will be gathering to oust all those I do not favor. I will be able to go over the whole castle and “recreate” it accordingly. “Invisible” (microscopic) nanomachines that clean or refurbish features of the in-dream environment (only the man-made ones) have been occurring more and more in my dreams since the beginning of the year. However, they serve a very similar function of where in-dream “magic” or mental focus have been used in the past.

Near the ending, the girl thanks me for my interest in her survival and development and speaks and acts with sincere and devoting mien and is now solely a faithful obsequious ally, it seems.

I am also considering if this is a “healing power” to “healing powder” transference (concerning ambiguity of my dream self’s faux memory) in recent dream trends due to liminal accidental “dream universe rewiring” in long-term meditation (due to the audio similarity of “power” and “powder” - as the nanomachines maintain a powder form with additional fluid or mist properties for the most part).

Aspects of this very loosely seem influenced by episode #01.03 and #01.04 of “Survivors” (2010), seen the night before. However, this general theme has been recurring since earliest memory in various ways.

After a long hiatus, I can finally focus on dreaming again.

04.14.2014

Giant Slayers (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I seem to once again be in high school, riding the bus back home. The driver gives all the students some kind of trivia assignment to be completed before leaving the bus. I have a book of facts with me that I'm using to complete the assignment. I briefly wake up as I complain (out loud) about how unfair it is to have homework on the bus.

I re-enter the dream. Now I'm hanging out at my mom's house with one of the girls from the bus. She has a tattoo on her cheek. I look in the mirror, noticing that my hair is long again. When I touch it, however, it still feels short. "Why does the mirror say my hair is long when it's not?" I ask the girl, confused. She tells me that it IS long. This is when I take note of my stupidity and realize that I must be dreaming.

"Oh, I get it," I tell her. "I'm dreaming." The girl gives me a doubtful look. "This is all just a dream. I can prove it to you. What should I do to prove it?"

She points to a guitar behind me. "Can you play?"

I look at the guitar skeptically, thinking of how musically illiterate I am. "No," I answer, "I doubt I can even play that in a dream."

"Try it. I'l only believe you if you can play it.

I pick up the guitar and surprisingly begin playing a really wicked tune. The girl grins, joining me with some sort of electronic instrument that she possesses. We have a really powerful jam session that has both of us really pumped up by the end. We laugh and cheer at our success.

"I guess this really is a dream," the girl relents.

"I guess that means you only exist in my mind," I tell her. "Or maybe we're having the same shared dream. Try to remember this later and let me know on the bus tomorrow if we're really in the same dream." (Clearly since I'm in college now, and I've never actually ever seen this girl, I have no way of knowing for sure.)

We go outside, still discussing the nature of shared dreaming. I lazily levitate down the street. "Where are we going?" my companion asks me.

"Who knows? But where ever we end up, it'll be an adventure," I promise.

Somewhere along the line, we join with two friends, a guy and a girl. I do not know them IRL, but I seem to in the dream. We come upon a beautiful swamp-land area where we decide to explore. I marvel at how real the place is, combined with an undeniable dream haze. "It feels good to travel with a group again," I tell my friends. "Ironic, since I'm called the Loner."

The forest thickens, aand we notice a huge mansion ahead. We walk onto the porch, intending to explore, when a Giant bursts from the woods. She's taller than the house--- the ground shakes with her every step.

She hasn't noticed us yet. There are several large crates on the porch--- I indicate to my friends that we should hide behind them. Before we get a chance, the Giantess looks directly at us, leaning over the bannister to peer down at us with a mighty roar.

"Take cover under the house!" I yell, taking my own advice. The giant crouches down, trying to grab at me from my hiding place. While her face is so low to the ground, I use the opportunity to slash at her. She manages to get away before I do much damage. I yell my plan to the others. Together, with much effort, we manage to get the Giant down on her back. I run towards her with my knife, but she has one of her own. When I hesitate to attack, she impales one of the girls I'm with. I cry out furiously, grabbing the knife from her and stabbing her face over and over again. Her face is a wreck; no longer can I even consider it a face. Blood is everywhere. It smells awful, like this sickly sweet organic matter... It's all over my hands, thick and slippery. I smirk, wondering what the Queen would think of me now.

The Giantess, meanwhile, is still alive. With the help of my friends, I drag her to the nearby river to drown her. All it does is heal her face. >_< I wake up, heart pounding, the smell of her blood burned into my nostrils.

06.26.2014

Yet Another Fight with a Snake Goddess (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

This seems to be a recurring theme with me for some reason.

I am in an outdoors setting with my two roomates: Alex and Ninja. A large blue and black feathered snake slithers through the branches above my head, then comes to rest in a coil just in front of me. It regards me maliciously. I can tell it means to strike at any moment, so I scurry back to avoid its (likely venomous) fangs. For some reason, it seems necessary to kill this snake at all costs.

I pull out my large black knife. Alex and I take turns distracting the snake while the other attacks. After we inflict a certain amout of damage, the snake transforms into a dragon/spinx-like goddess. As the goddes has wings, we must now resort to ranged weapons. We throw miniature spears at her, which serves more to fuel her temper than to actually do any damage.

The angered goddess pulls out a dart gun and procedes to fire venomous darts at my companions and I. The darts take out Alex and Ninja, but I fight the effects. "Don't you know I'm the Queen of dreams!?" I shout at her. "Your darts have little effect on me!" I grab some unused darts from her, which are now more like syringes, and inject her with her own venom. Now that she's paralyzed, I somehow manage to weild an axe and chop her to pieces.

Night of June 3, 2014. Tuesday.



I am moving out into this astounding landscape which is somewhat forest-like and somewhat (less dense) jungle-like, and slightly marsh-like. I am fully lucid for a time. The beauty is extraordinary and breathtaking, and everything seems to glow with an inner radiance (such as when looking at a photographic negative and black shadowy areas become white “light” and so on).

I approach this large sphere-shaped “cage” that may not actually be a cage but some sort of protective construct of what is inside. What is inside is an unknown black-haired female, sometimes moving into a fetal position, with a few items of inverted-clover jewelry set with very small stones and a silver belly-button inset item that is also like inverted (four-leaf) clover, but she is mostly hovering in the air (as if there is no gravity inside the structure), though there appear to be some sort of elaborate blankets and such inside as well; coppery and silvery, and some of a cobalt impression. The “bars” of the globe-like structure are at various random angles and distance from each other, and somewhat like a mix of spiderweb, silky and white “faux Spanish moss”, some sort of “raggedy” white felt, and some sort of pearl-like sparse “wire”. The trapezoidal space between these “bars” at the area of their most distant separation is enough to allow her to almost crawl out, I think. However, several times, the “bars” actually seem to be more like an energy form only, as they move into different uneven patterns randomly, similar to Z-like and Y-like forms, looking somewhat like globules of trailing spilled milk or perhaps organic or mist-like and tendril-like energy.

I approach the “cage” (which is hovering in the air with nothing attached and about a foot from the marshy ground) and her eyes glow with a turquoise luminescence, bordering on teal and leaving a lighter blue “afterglow” when turning her head (most all of her eyes - not just the irises). For a short time, I touch her fingers (the “bars” feel like some sort of algae-like texture blended with felt and I almost get the impression of quickly fizzing small bubbles on the surface) and feel a mild current of electricity that is just on the threshold of causing numbness. I ask her who she is and she simply stretches out her legs and floats upward more and I hear this sound like pool balls continuously hitting each other but slightly softer. She blows a kiss (or similar - it seems more like she is “sending energy”), but with her hand at the right side of her mouth in a vertical position rather than the typical horizontal and fingers forward extension.

A group of “tourists” are absentmindedly walking by, a couple nearly tripping on blades of grass (which really is not that long) giving the impression that it is their first time walking on grass or earth. I notice a large lion a short distance away. It opens its mouth, its tongue comes out (becoming a “red carpet”) and it sort of lies down on its stomach and appears more like some sort of ancient building for a time. I look inside of its mouth from a closer position and notice it is like looking into a passageway of stone blocks and there even seems to be torches higher on the “walls” inside.

The casually-dressed “leader” of the tourist group indicates that all the people (about fifteen or so) should follow him into the “building”. They walk into the “doorway” and turn down the implied hallway inside until they are all out of view. The lion then closes his mouth, blinks sleepily and begins to wash itself like a young cat and starts purring. I walk up to the lion and look into his eyes as if they were like a pair of binoculars. The people inside seem to be lost and confused and looking for the exit. Oh well… “Oh the humanity” I cheerfully joke, and start rolling on the ground laughing…

This happened about four years ago and has stuck with me to this day; it'll also explain my screen name.

When I was about 17/18 years old I had converted from agnostic to paganism but was still hovering around the fence about it. I was doing extensive amount of research about different Gods and Goddess' and left that night ended about Hecate and Bast.


As I entered my dream state I was in a small room and had the sudden urge to try to change the walls (all my lucid dreams start out this way) It took some time but finally I began to change the walls from one color to another. Next goal was to change locations.

Here I was hoping from tropical beach to the center of someone's room but right as I went to leap again I felt myself fly backwards. Something was pulling me in a different direction. I was still fully aware that I was asleep and fought back until I started feeling my dream unravel. In order to prolong the dream I let myself calm down and let whatever unknown source pull me to whatever unknown location.


I landed in a heavily shadowed room. The walls and floor were made out of cold grey bricks yet I didn't feel cold. Wherever I was I was high in the air for the narrow slotted widows only showed a starry laden sky. There was someone else in the room with me. I felt her rather than saw her. She laughed at the sound was like a thousand bells ringings but also held a dark edge to it. I asked her outloud who she was and in response I received the thought, 'Hecate'

Suddenly she moved, just a quick glimpse of a face that seemed to change with each second. I felt so at peace with myself, not afraid at all. It was like being wrapped in love just standing there in the darkness as something unknown flitted around me.

Another thought voiced itself in my head, 'What is it that you desire to know?'

And I knew I could ask anything. Anything my heart desired, unfortunately that heart was still very young and in love so my thoughts turned to my current boyfriend.

My dream ended shortly after that but it never left me. In all my years previously of looking and researching religions nothing like that has ever happened. Since then I have chosen to walk the pagan path with hecate as my Goddess.

10-21-2013 -- Walking down Hickory between my house and Dave's. It feels late at night and dark, and there is a strong feeling of something going on, and I probably don't belong here. As I am walking by Dave's house, Don comes out long enough to warn me I shouldn't be on the street, but he isn't going to try and stop me.

Somehow I am looking for these odd sort of, well, sensors for lack of any better word. There are one or two per house, some in the ground in the flower beds, others in the middle of the shrubbery. One is actually in the engine of a car that has the hood open and is being worked on. They are roughly square, perhaps six inches long per side, perhaps about two inches thick, black, around a blue circle that is nearly large enough to touch the edges.

As I get near enough to register them (and they to register me) there is a flash of blue light, and their power is somehow released to me. No idea what the power is or what it does, however. I continue down the street, and somewhere between Jenny's house and the one next to it (the fenced yard ... oddly, I think George Takei lives there) I feel like I am missing one of them. Can't find it, can't sense it, but how close the others have been to one another, I'm sure there should be another one, so I am looking for it pretty steadily.

Eventually I move on, reaching the last two houses on the street. The one where the little kids used to live is no problem, but the corner house has a feel of unfriendly people, the ones who always come out to yell at us if we mess around on their property. Sure enough, when I start poking around the bushes surrounding the house, the owner comes out to scream at me. Oddly, when I explain what I am doing, he calms right down, accepts what I tell him, and seems to have no more problem with me.

I wander around the corner, past the alley, and am soon checking the side yard of the house that has the big dogs, then return to George's house to continue looking for that missing sensor, and soon am at the end of the block again. I am actually standing in the edge of the street, but almost across the street at the church. By this point it is daytime, and there are some kids playing ball in the street, right about at the corner of Hickory and Holly. But strangely, they aren't playing with a ball, but are throwing around what looks like a two liter of soda, quite possibly orange Fanta.

Meanwhile, I find I am standing with and receiving instructions from, an attractive woman who is a sort of mentor to me, and probably a goddess. She is helping me figure out what I am doing in regards to these sensors and their powers. But while we are standing there, some of the kids' bottles of soda come rolling up to us. I pick one up and throw it back to them like a football, and manage perfect throws, as does the goddess, when I gesture for her to throw back another one. Meanwhile a third has bounced off my leg and is rolling away toward Dale, until I wave my hand at it, and it floats into the air and starts back toward me. I wave toward the playing kids, and it flies off in their direction as I find myself with a new dream power.

03.31.2013

Spiders and Chainsaws and Fairies, oh MY! (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

In my back yard at night, two of the giant spider people who live in the forest come to pay me a visit. They tell me that I am "invited" to play a game with them tonight. I must survive in the forest until sunrise to win the game. If I decide not to play, there will be serious consequences. They show me a vision of an innocent looking butterfly-girl being tied up in webs. I intuitively know that this vision represents a person I care about being taken by the spider people if I refuse to participate.

I go out and by the brightest flashlight that I can find, because the spider people are weak against light. This will be my only protection against a race of beings who can blend perfectly into the shadows and see in the dark like it's nothing. "I'm totally screwed," I mutter to myself as I head back to my house.

I would really like to find someone to come with me to play the "game," but everyone is too busy. (There is some kind of adventuring Guild at my house that I am a part of.) I come across Cheyenne in one of the back rooms and briefly consider asking her to join me, but I realize that I'd only be putting her in danger and that she is likely the person the Spiders will take from me. I've got to do this alone.

As I head out, a Werewolf who is part of the guild (and possibly an old character of mine from high school) asks me to go on a really important quest for him. I say that I will, but I have to play the Spider's game first.

When I get out in the forest, I hide myself under a tree and wait. After a few minutes of nothing happening, I get bored and decide to leave. ((So apparently it wasn't that important after all...?))

I take up my werewolf friend's quest and head out with my brother and my dad down the back road. It is a two part quest: part of it involves something deep in the forest, and part of it involves killing the daughter of a very important man in a village not far from here. We decide to deal with the girl first.

The gravel road should lead directly to the village, but there is a big red truck parked in a nearby field with two sentries. Our first plan is to sneak by unnoticed. We begin crawling low to the ground, but are spotted anyway. We stand up quickly as the truck approaches us. Time for plan B.

Before the two men in the truck can ask questions, I put on a stupid expression and point down the road. "We were wondering where this road leads to," I say amiably. I can see that the driver believes us not to be a threat.

"Oh, just follow us," he says and drives slowly down the gravel road. We follow for a short distance, until he stops just before the village and gets out. "I'll show you around, he says."

His passenger gets out as well. He is a GIGANTIC man with a chainsaw, which he revs threateningly. I am concerned about this one, but I play my part of the oblivious traveler.

The two men take us through the village, showing us different shops and various important people here. The man with a chainsaw follows at a distance, ready to cut us to bits at any moment.

At one point, my companions and I step just outside of the village to have a brief talk. There, we find a Fairy Ring. We stand in the middle of the ring. One of the people with me ((no longer my dad and brother, my companions kept changing throughout the dream)) says that this is a good sign and that we must ask the Goddess for her blessing in order to complete our quest. Suddenly fairies begins swirling around us, emitting a beautiful light. They swirl up to the very heavens, where we can see a vision of the Goddess smiling down at us. She sends the light back, even more beautifully than before, and tells us that we have her blessing.

We return to the village and have audience with the leader. We are hoping to gain knowledge of where his daughter is. I am sent looking for the leader's missing shoe, which I accidentally step on. An evil skeleton wraith lunges up from the shoe and starts attacking me. I shatter it to pieces, dispelling the spirit. Apparently we had needed this spirit for something, and the leader tells me he can not bring it back.

I wake up shortly afterward.