Well my recall has been terrible for the past... 2 weeks? I just got back from 5 days in New York and was hoping for some good dreams there since I had a hotel room all to myself. But alas, nothing. Perhaps shifting my sleep schedule had a bigger effect than I thought since on the first night back I already got a non-lucid AND a lucid dream (isn't that exciting!). The lucid will follow in my next entry. In a church, I'm singing in choir. The spacious room has Victorian dark wood panelling about half the height of the wall and the double doors (also panelled) are rectangular, rather than the portal shape I would expect. They are set in a heavy moulded stone doorway. The masonry is all white, but the church is brick on the outside. I see several items of old gothic furniture, including an elaborately carved wooden lectern. I head to the exit and see papers, leaflets, posters pinned on a door and piled on chairs by the entrance. A man is standing with a profound expression next to a stand of green leaflets by the open door, and I think that he will sing if I ask him to. I go out. I walk back with another girl in choir. I ask if she is going back to 'choir boot camp' with me on Monday and she affirms that she is. We talk more, laughing a lot - though she doesn't remind me of anybody. I ponder how the camp lasts 6 school days (although it might be 7 considering the timeline in my head) and I can't believe the headmistress let me miss that much school. Later I arrive at home with a Japanese woman, older. I see a black cat on my doorstep and point it out to her. She seems to look right through it for several seconds before noticing. I feel annoyed because 'she always does that'. So I try saying 'there's a cat ' in Japanese to better attract her attention. This causes her to freak out - she screams and grabs me roughly (seriously - it hurt!) by the shoulders, telling me not to 'say there is a kitten' or I will scare her. I think that she misunderstood me, and now she thinks there is a kitten under the nearest car. Fragment: I pick up one of my dresses and find that on one side, the fabric has ripped all along the zip and hangs open. This dress doesn't actually have a zip. I am distraught since I only recently discovered a rip in my other favourite dress (this is true) and now I can't wear either of these until they're fixed. See how it took me more than a week to post this? I'm getting lazy... Too lazy... Too lazy to dream journal. Which isn't great. But finally I'm getting back on track and practicing awareness more during the day, so hopefully some results soon.
non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP Spending some vacations abroad, staying at a hostel. The room is pretty basic and has a futon on the floor. I am undressing and snuggling in the sheets and I slightly touch myself, not even a big deal. But the manager barges in my room, yelling that I can't masturbate in this hostel and I have to leave now. Then he goes around the corridor, where all other guests at at their doors with curiosity, shaming me saying he has video and photos of it and I am like "how?". And then notice there is a camera in the ceiling in front of the bed, as if it was ok to film guests undressing and all. I refuse to g«be embarrassed and I confront him with his brutal violation of the guests privacy. Now, all the guests are looking at him like "she has a point". I admit what I did and that there is nothing wrong because I was alone in my room and he is the creep who is watching people in their rooms. In the end he does not kick me out, even brings in workers to attend all my needs and allows me to stay for as long as I want and I demand he shows me and deletes the tape. But I don't want to stay anymore. I actually saw the guy getting an erection while I confronted him, so he is nuts, but I need to stay one more night at least. Then I meet some friends at a sightseeing point, just outside the hostel and I am totally amazed how the landscape is a perfect mix of the view from my mom's house to my hometown and some totally different town somewhere in Eastern Europe with gothic bridges, palaces and gothic churches. The superposition is so perfectly done that I marvel at my own brain capacity to come up with such brilliant construction. I am half-lucid at this point. Then there is some heavy rain and flooding and I lose all lucidity and wake up.
Updated 03-31-2021 at 07:49 PM by 34880
7th December 2020 Very fragmented: Me and H were getting some pipes out of an organ. It was a rank supposedly, but actually it can't have been more than an octave. Pipes were semi-stopped? With some blue felt inside the top to achieve this. Some other bit, something about water in a container; it looks odd inside. I drink some (why?) but it has weird fibres floating in it. I try to search online about it. But then we pour the water out on the floor and it's revealed that the fibres were half parasite things; they moved but incredibly slowly. Later I sweat them out through my thighs and I decide to use a H2O2 spray to kill them all and almost bathe myself in it too so it soaks into me and kills any remaining inside my body. I have doubts about what I'm doing and what is going on. At a mansion place, I'm with my family here. We're guests to some friend of dad. I remember paintings hanging on the walls. There are stone or white wood ballustrades and there's no ceiling or it's made of glass. The host eventually becomes very surprised when he learns (from a servant?) how much it had cost him to accommodate all of us here. An unknown man comes in, he's wearing a dulled red jumpsuit. He is a thief, I quickly observe but I allow him to continue and I say nothing. I do not dislike our host but yet I allow this thief to steal from him. But when he tries to steal a painting with strange colouring patterns on it, with the figure of a woman in a white-ish dress, I let him get away with it for a while before I start following him. I follow him into a corridor and jump on him and tell him he absolutely cannot take this painting because it's special to me. I think I'm angry? I ask him to take anything else except for this painting. I tell him that there are many other paintings in this big house and that many are by famous artists and can fetch far better prices on a black market. I have some feeling the painting is about my cousin T, but there was nothing identifiable on it that would indicate this. The visual recall is too vague. Then, we're all leaving. I am more wary about the thief now but allow him to continue with his subtleties. I see mom and my sibling T and three others from the family, squeezed inside a white or silver Peugeot. I don't notice which is side the driver is on. I try to find the car I'm supposed to get in, but I can't find it. Eventually I'm just walking around a town with dad and some more family. It's sunny, with a few clouds. Distant mountains kind of like where I live now, but sharper contours? But otherwise the area looks more like my native country even though it is a dream-generated place. In the distance I also see a thin but very tall smoke stack. Dad tells me this stack is for the purpose of "releasing the excess gas from the dormant volcano", and he refers to the volcano by name but I lost the recall of that name. We all cross a street at a crossing, except dad, who goes into an open manhole, with a warm orange glow coming out of it. I look in and there's a vertical climbing pole at the centre of it and it seems to go down a very long way, it's bright inside but a saturated orange dominates. I tell the rest I'll lag behind so that dad can catch up with us. I am across the road and there's some kind of cafe on this side. The rest of the family go in and through the cafe and out again on another side. (recall gap) Mix of several RPGs and reality. I kill a mob pack referencing something to Lord of the Rings. A unique and unidentified teal rarity ring drops and there's some kind of interface overlay even though I'm in first person. It's some kind of occult void ring. It distorts reality around it and I put it on, on my right hand I think. I'm in a room with pews, gothic windows and some kind of statues too maybe. Everything becomes dark except outside through the windows still seems bright, if dull. There's some kind of wind that I can't feel, but can see. Objects like the pews leave a trailing ghostly effect, with a dark, dark red after-shadow-image. I go to a piano. I realise there's two time limits now that I see at a top/central position of some UI. I was supposed to do something on the piano and don't manage to open some kind of secret passage in time. Then there's a cutscene about an ogre and a witch. There's animosity between the characters and there's an extreme distance between the two. Some dialogues? He loses all the will he had to kill her for some reason but still he rampages forward. While watching, I make note of the fact that there's some gold piled up in the side of some rooms as the ogre goes through these large underground gothic halls. Notes: - The ogre and the witch were very stereotypical in their representations. - The woman's painting had a dark background that contrasted her brighter dress. The painting had a rainbow-like spotty pattern all over it, like light scattering or something. It's similar to an idea I've had for painting but I haven't been able to attempt it properly. - Before falling asleep, I tried doing this active imagination thing and I remember getting a bit lost or carried away in it, especially as it made me get closer to falling asleep. - The smoke stack is like one where I live but it was taller than that; I'm not sure what the volcano thing could be about.
I recall walking down a path with my mom in a frozen, wintery environment. It's possible I was barefoot for some reason. The ground was snow at first, then ice. I ran, then suddenly stopped so I would keep on sliding for a few meters. I got to a clearing in the forest. While sliding around, I also started floating in a controllable way. I wasn't particularly surprised by this. My mom was still with me. We were in some ancient Egyptian ruins, along with a group of other people. One of them was an Egyptian god in human form. The others were dodgy types, definitely villains. Most of the ruins were partially buries in the sand. We got to a large hall. At some point it became clear the bad guys were... well, bad. They held my mother hostage. I saw light pouring in from openings in the ceiling, and realized I could fly out through there, but I think I didn't leave because they still had my mom. There was a bit of a battle. I flew towards one buff-looking baddie, grabbed him in mid-air and smashed him into a wall. I think I smashed him a few times with my "super fist" (I was half awake at this point, this bit was half fantasy-half actual dream). Still at the far wall, I looked at the group of villains in the distance and decided to blow them up. I took out a detonator, and pressed it. They blew up in a haze of blood. Sadly, I died too, as apparently this was a game and I "failed" by doing this. Maybe I had blown up the hostages as well? Once again, my mother was present. I was playing with our cats (Sylvester, Lotje and Fleurtje), who have obviously been dead/disappeared for almost a decade. Now, they *were* dead in this dream, but I was using some kind of trick that manifested memories into reality. My mom also saw the cats and happily petted one, I think (she loved our cats, too). I said that this 'memory' was almost as real as it was in reality. I was outside somewhere, in a place that had high grass. Maybe a primitive village? The place came under attack from Orcs (the kind from the Gothic games). In true Gothic style, I killed a few with a one-handed weapon. A lot of people were killed, though. Elsewhere in the area, there were "Dragon Moss" monsters from Guild Wars, and other beasties behind them. I was in danger of being overwhelmed, until I fired one arrow which somehow killed them all instantly. Vague scene involving my grandparents on father's side, including grandma (who has been dead for years). Last dream of the 'night'. Berlin at night. I 'knew' the war against Nazi Germany was going badly, very badly. In a last ditch effort to fix this, we'd flatten Berlin. I saw a "B2 Spirit" stealth bomber from behind. It was somehow somewhere on the ground in the middle of Berlin. I took off using only very little runway (= street), and started gaining altitude. The idea was to drop the bomb when I got high enough. I don't think I ever got to that point before I woke up.
First dream I was outside my home. I was near a road. Suddenly I took a sawed-off shotgun from my pocket. I was surrounded by cultists from Blood game. I shot them down, and run into my house. It was changed into some kind of house of horror. I took some dynamite, and went on a killing spree, shooting cultist after cultist. In the end, I was alone with Cheogh, a huge, grey gargoyle with powerful energy bursts. I threw some dynamite sticks at it, and shot it down with sawed-off. Then his body exploded, and I found myself in the land from Gothic game. I was running around with hammer and shotgun, killing beasts in the mountains. DILD I was walking down the street in an old city. It was midnight, I was surrounded by darkness. Suddenly I became lucid. I thought that I can't waste my time walking on the ground, but I didn't wanted to fly either. I imagined that I'm walking on gigantic stilts. I was quickly lifted to the sky, and with a few steps found myself in my home. I entered my room, and thought that I want to see if there's any difference in food from waking life. I summoned a plate of fries with ketchup, and ate. It tasted great, even better than in reality. Then I thought that I should check if electronic stuff worked, so I summoned a laptop. It was new, though it had many files of it. Mostly video games. I thought to see if there's an internet in lucid dream, so I turned on some kind of download manager, and started downloading a game. It was downloading really quickly, and I downloaded a game in a few seconds. I thought that I should wake up, and so I did.
12 Sep 2011 Actually managed to WILD tonight... I was lying in bed bored and trying to sleep, I was pretty relaxed even though I had not previously been sleeping and I just decided to construct dream scape around me. I built a castle around me but instantly forgot that I was dreaming and so the whole WILD experience was non lucid i.e. WI(N)LD. I was lucid for a grand total of maybe ten seconds so I will not count this as a proper lucid. I went on to explore a church yard at night and some other Gothic style stuff, I surprisingly do not remember much. Then again I was busy this morning and so have left it about eighteen hours to write it down.
We were at this big party, and Emma Watson was there. It wasn't like a huge Hollywood party, it was more like a large family reunion, so people weren't lining up to get her autographs but rather going up and talking to her ever so often, and she always had people asking her questions and talking to her. Anyways, it was outside, and it kind of looked like it was by the baseball fields at Marrymore Park underneath some trees. But there was a giant swampy river running next to us. At one point, Emma and I were looking at something on a computer together at the same time, and talking about it. My mom and my stepdad and some of my stepdad's relatives were sitting around us, and my mom said something really stupid and embarrassing and Emma obviously heard it. I responded "No, Mom…" and then mumbled "Jesus Christ…" which offended my stepdad, and he said something to me, but I don't remember what it was. Emma chuckled and got distracted by something and stood up and walked away towards some other people. I wanted to say something like, "Don't go" or "come back" but I didn't want her to think I was too excited that she was there. At one point, everyone at the party was listening to this very gothic, symphonic metal band, which had something like 3 female voices singing the verses at the same time (which now that I think about it, is an interesting idea…). The certain song they were listening to seemed like a normal gothic-ish, symphonic metal song with normal gothic lyrics, except all of a sudden, the lyrics mentioned the exact name of my band (which is a pretty unusual name) and people immediately turned to me and said "Ooh they dissed your band" or something along those lines. Emma had heard all the commotion about this, and I saw her smile and let out a little polite chuckle. I asked some guy to turn the song back to the part where they sang the name of my band, and listened to it again. I heard my band's name again but I could make out what context they were putting it in. I was very annoyed and so I posted got my phone and posted a link to my band's Facebook or soundcloud or something, so people could actually hear us and see how much better we are than this stupid band who mentioned us. 3 people commented on it, and out of those 3 comments, Emma Watson had left a comment that said something like "2 years studio? " which I perceived to mean that she wanted to take guitar lessons from me for 2 years/wanted me to record the guitar on her next 2 CD's in the studio for 2 years/was going to pay for me to record my CD in a professional studio for the next 2 years. I think I might have looked up and seen her across the room smiling at me or something, or maybe that is just what I had imagined when I saw the smiley face in her comment. I don't remember how this next part happened, because I can't remember how we got into the situation but; at one point, I was down in this giant cellar or something and I had to get out. All of a sudden I saw this brown cup, filled with some water, which was tilted at a 45 degree angle. I heard this voice saying "Go into the cup" or "remember the cup" or something, so I put my face into the cup. The next thing I know, I'm in a room with Emma Watson kneeling down holding the brown cup and I'm standing next to her. The room was designed like the very back of a cargo plane, where they place stuff to drop out of the plane when flying. We kind of just looked at each other for a second, and then I woke up. I think.
I cannot remember the beginning of this dream but there was quite a bit about wandering around outside in a semi-arid setting. I was travelling with three women I do not know in what looked like a camp ground. Despite the dry arid atmosphere, there were many thick, dark green coniferous trees about - enough almost to classify the area as a forest in my opinion. I do not recall much detail about the appearance of the three women except the two were slightly younger than I (and one was wearing a pink, wool sweater) and the oldest woman was about middle aged and had short dark brown hair. The four of us walked for a while, seemingly lost in the desert forest the three women conversed with each other, but I lagged behind and was content to just enjoy the setting, though as we walked a growing apprehension developed in my mind and I found myself wanting to be in the company of my parents because I suddenly felt very vunerable and child-like. I had not noticed that she had gone, but the oldest woman of the group suddenly turned a corner, driving a red four door car that looked like a Glendale from the Grand Theft Auto videogame series. I never got her actual name in the dream, but from this point on I refer to the oldest woman of the group as Glenda. I never learn the names of the other two women. Glenda tells us to get in and I make myself confortable in the rear rightside passenger seat. The young woman in the pink, hand-knit sweater sits in the left side and I notice at this point that she has shoulder length blond hair. I think that she looks like Cagalli Yula Athha from the Gundam Seed anime series. The three women continue to talk amongst themselves but I roll down my window and am content to just stare outside, wondering where my parents are. Glenda drives along a lone dirt road out of the desert forest, heading east, and we travel for a long time with nothing in sight. Soon however there is a wooden ramp a head of us and though it appears that we could drive around it, Glenda is determined to jump the ramp. She floors the accelerator and we speed towards the jump, and I feel that this is a very bad idea. I cling to the Cagalli look-alike and she does the same to me. Everyone in the car is afraid of the worst happening and I cannot talk Glenda out of stopping the car or just driving around the ramp. The red four-door car is heavy and though it hits the wooden ramp at a fair speed and level angle, the vehicle inexplicably flips in mid air, crashes on the roof and slides upside down for a short distance. The four of us are able to crawl out of the wreck, and though we are dazed, no one is seriously injured. Glenda is quick to rally the other two girls into following her again by saying something like "the Arizona border isn't far now," or something, but I am not interested in joining them. While they continue along the dirt road heading east, I notice something in the southernly direction that looks like a group of small buildings or tents. It is hazy because of the heat and I cannot tell if what I am looking at is real or an optical illusion, but I start walking in that direction anyway. It is very hot and I take off my overshirt and wrap it around my head as I walk. As I get closer to my destination I can see that it is some sort of outdoor event taking place infront of a large gothic styled building which I think at first much be a medieval church or something. There are stone pillars through the square, as well as consession stands and booths selling various consumer goods. There are many people casually browsing the things for sale or sitting on the many marble benchs scattered about. I am aching from the car crash and walk to the center of the bustle so see if I can find anyone I know. I look over my right shoulder and through the throng of people and booths I can see a Texaco gas station and feel drawn towards it. As I try to make my way there, my dad walks by infront of me and heads over to a coffee stand nearby. He did not notice me as he walked by and does not respond when I call out to him. I am sore and feeling needy and want sympathy because I was in an accident, but my dad completely ignores me as if I am not even there. He orders to hot drinks and walks toward a picnic table in the far end of the square, where my mom is sitting. I unwrap the overshirt from my head and follow my dad over to the table and try to get my parents attention, but again they do not respond. My anxiety increases and I desperately try yelling at them again they do not respond. What adds to my frustration is that I do not know if they cannot actually hear me, or if they are willfully ignoring my pleas for attention. I briefly become lucid as I acknowledge that this is how it feels my parents treat me in real life, but I do not gain control of the dream because I feel rejected and psychologically exhausted. Though I know they will still ignore me if I return to their company, I still desperately crave attention and affection from my parents - but it hurts too much to feel non-existant, so I head over to the large gothic style building and see if I can find a pillar or wall to hide behind. As I get closer to the building I notice that one of the huge wooden doors is slightly ajar. I make sure no one is looking and slip through the opening. While it looks like a midieval church on the outside, the interior looks much more like an elaborate palace. Lush carpets line the expansive halls; gold and jewels are woven into every decoration and peice of art; massive crystal chandeliers hang from the ceilings. I stand in awe for a moment, drinking in the magnificent excess of extravagance, until I hear footfalls coming from an adjacent room or hall near the entrance. Because the sound seems to be coming from behind me, I run away from the front doors and deeper into the mansion. There seems to be some sort of party going on as in each room I pass I can hear people laughing and having fun, though the doors are closed and I cannot see anyone. I turn down one hall and almost trip over a stack of gifts wrapped in colourful papers and ribbons. Down another hall I find a long legless table with row upon row of crystaline bowls filled with either chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Because the hall is not air-conditioned, most of the ice cream is melting, and because the table has no legs and is effectively sitting on the floor, much of the melting ice cream is soaking into the lush red carpet. I walk through a set of doors beyond the legless table and find myself in watch appears to be a dinning hall. The place is set up as if to recieve and dine many guests, but I do not see anyone around. I can hear commotion from an adjacent room and hear a woman say something about "having the place ready for the afternoon guests." I quickly run through the room to a narrow hall on the other side. As I make my deeper into the mansion, a feeling of apprehension develops inside of me and I feel as if I am not suppost to be there. I enter into a hall with a stairs to the left, a large open kitchen infront of me and a set of double doors to my right. There are cooks in white aprons, waiters in red jackets, and maids in black dresses all rushing around trying to get their jobs done. People do look in my direction, but no one stops what they are doing to say anything about the interloper. I stand in the middle of the hall and notice someone coming down the stairs in the corner of my left eye. A waiter with short black hair is slowing making his way down the stairs and he is holding something I cannot see in his left hand. He makes a funny face and then smiles at me, clearly trying to make me laugh. I do laugh, but try to stifle it with my hand and it is then that I notice that I am wearing a red waiter jacket like the man on the stairs. I am still afraid that I am going to get in trouble because I am not suppost to be there, but being near the man on the stairs seems to make me feel a bit calmer for some reason. Another waiter appears from behind me, carrying a silver tray full of silver dishes, walks past us and mutters to the waiter on the stairs to "leave the new girl alone," or something. The man on the stairs just gives him annoyed look. An aging woman with a scowl for a facial expression, wearing a long black Victorian-era dress and her gray hair up in a bun, appears in the kitchen entrance way and I only get to make brief eye-contact with her when the dream ends. I think I can sum this dream up quite easy: anxiety about relations with my parents and anger about the emotional neglect I experienced in childhood.
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