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fitful sleep tonight. various fragmented dreams. not well recalled. content is quite shallow except for the last fragment.

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my father and i are driving in the country at night. in a recessed area on the side of the road sits a dollhouse & a wicker shelf that was in my childhood bedroom. the shelf is full of stuffed animals -- i remember one was a dragon. i take some of them with me because i understand i will be going to the hospital soon.

i am then at "the hospital"; it's a distorted version of the townhouse i lived in most of my life. the lights are off. the stuffed animals aren't with me. there's nothing hospital-like about the surroundings; it's just the main floor of the townhouse. there are 2 bro kind of guys visiting a middle aged woman who has tuberculosis. they talk about how she is defecating blood.

i decide to escape. i am suddenly in bright, sunny, warm-hued "downtown toronto" -- nothing like downtown toronto really, just big glass buildings and an immense urban atmosphere -- adrenaline rush, i'm running through beautiful streets, i crest a hill on a cobblestone road and i yell "santa maria! santa maria!"

i am back in the "hospital", i don't remember how this happens. i'm in the darkened townhouse kitchen. there are two nondescript tall men watching me -- the guards. i understand i am here for mental reasons. i think i am fine, but i accept my hospitalization with equanimity. i open the fridge and eat some kind of pastry with a raspberry on top. i hear a voice narrating lil wayne's current medical situation. i wake up.

later: something about a girl at school, i don't quite recall what she looked like - generic teenage girl, probably around 13? she's very bubbly and excitable, a little obnoxious, but she takes an interest in me and i'm glad that someone finds me nice to be around. we are rehearsing something and she starts rubbing her body against mine. i am a little uncomfortable. i point out that it seems dirty; she laughs. next we are talking to each other on a bus. i remember that her backpack is very focal in these scenes. it's a jansport style backpack, mainly white with yellow, lilac and blue thunderbolt designs. we get off the bus with some of her friends and we are in a dark city area. one of her friends is wearing - hard to describe this - platform shoes with the platform made of hard black plastic; they are hollowed out in increasingly smaller concentric circles, like the pattern of a mining pit - goes clear through to the other side. i remember thinking this is really cool, actually i still do. we walk through a bridge-tunnel. we realize that the bridge has no railing and is thus illegal to walk on. the girl comments that she should have removed her shoes (they have a specific name -- it's very german -- i understand that its named after the guy who invented the pattern) and now the people on the adjacent, legal bridge would know she walked on the illegal bridge, because the opening of the tunnel has the same pattern as her shoes. i find this remarkable. a boy with us comments that he's seen the same pattern in greece and i understand that i'm in some kind of european country. the atmosphere in this scene is very nice, everything's lit by soft incandescent streetlamps.

then i am in a distorted version of a thrift store i frequent. my stepmother is getting married, today, and she wants a pink themed wedding. she gives me 5 dollars to buy a dress and she also wants me to look after a young girl (age 3-5, black hair, olive skin). i notice that the girl is wearing lipstick and eye shadow and i think to myself that her father is awful for making her look like a slut. i ask her if she likes wearing eye makeup and she says yes. i can't find a pink dress at the thrift store so i go to a version of the victoria's secret pink store. i find something and i try to steal it but i fail somehow. then an employee asks us to leave. i am frightened for a moment but then i realize it is just because the store is closing.

then i am inside of a south park video game (??) it looks terrible, like some awful game you'd see on newgrounds in 2005 or sth. top-down view, white background (snow) with a grey line representing the road and brown blocks representing buildings. i understand that it was made to be terrible on purpose. i have to go somewhere in the game but every time i try to go there i am transported back. this goes on for a very long time.

finally i return to real life. i am in a different store. this one has bright wooden floors, white walls; it is very open and spacious. the girl and i are standing in front of a white shelf which houses a scattered assortment of strange toys. she takes interest in a toy which seems to be some kind of japanese thing based on jersey shore?? i realize i have spent a very long time in the video game and i should have returned the girl by now; my stepmother must be wondering where she is. the girl's face has changed - her eyes are very dark and there is a swollen red area under her eyes (similar to the famous picture of omayra sanchez -- if you're going to look this up be warned that it is disturbing).

the room has darkened. my stepmother appears. the girl is lying on the ground. stepmother is angry. she tells me that the "death squad" has been informed and people from all over the world are searching for her. i break down crying. i understand that the police will be coming to talk to me.

i walk over to the edge of the room and beyond a short banister is a beautiful landscape. it is hard to describe its beauty in words. i am high above the ground; i can see the peaks of mountains and clouds moving through the deep & light blues of the sky. below me, miles below me, are vast rolling hills and lush greenery. rivers flow through the land. the immense scale is very very difficult to describe. i understand, somehow, that this is Iceland. i want to get closer. there is a very thin wooden tree trunk that i jump over the banister onto. the landscape more beautiful now and I understand that this is not only iceland but Heaven. i almost cry.

i know the police are coming for me soon and my life will be awful. i debate whether to let go of the tree and fall into heaven, or face real life. heaven is so beautiful. i let myself slip a little but then i grip the tree again.

i wake up.

This dream once again occurred this morning, 23 August 2012. It contained some brief moments of lucidity, and was interruped when I woke up around 6 am.

We begin in a university classroom, which for some reason looks very much like a classroom in a high school or elementary school. I'm sitting in for a social studies class, on the political history of the United States or something, and in contrast to my regular courses I don't find this interesting - I find it VERY interesting. Most of my friends in my program have already left. The teacher continues an explanation. By 11 am (or is it 1 pm?), I'll be beginning my first day in Physics class. My phone rings.

The person hanging out outside appears to be me, but I can't really identify with this person, so maybe it's my alter-ego. For sanity purposes, I'll refer to this individual in the first person.

I'm doing an extreme sports stunt on a bike, not a skateboard. The scene shifts toward somewhere else. Suddenly, the police catch us, and we're denied permission to enter my next class.

I don't want to go with the cops, I think. Yet my phone prompts me to, and I enter the principal's office.

Somewhere along the line, I'm walking in a hallway on campus in what seems to be a big environment building. I suddenly realize that I'm dreaming, and begin to look around at the walls, the windows, and the students.

I drift in and out of consciousness, of sleep. The waking-life version of myself seems to be paralyzed, so I drift back into sleep, with much effort. The scene changes.

I'm in the principal's office, and a thought drifts into my mind. I think of writing these things down, to publish certain things on Twitter when I wake up, with codes B, C, and D. The D code refers to detention, while the B code is something later on in the alphabet. The D code says to the teacher:

"Am I in detention, or am I free to go?"

This is something that I picked up from a video showing how to deal with the police. Rule number one is be calm and don't be crass.

I'm given a list of options, from life in prison to one day free to whatever else. The best option, they say, is Baptism.

The official looks rather puzzled and pauses for a moment, but after a while says that I'm free to go. I remember the buildings on campus, but I never make it to my physics class.

At home, it seems that my dad has lesions on his neck, which look like cancerous lips protrouding from the base of the chin. We go to the doctor, and then suddenly I'm in this waiting room.

I remember a TV commercial about healthcare options. Even though I know trhat I'm lucid, I think it would be wrong to change the scenery while I'm walking through that hallway again. So I walk up to the reporter at the receptionist desk:

"Hi, I'm looking for healthcare options for my dad".

The reporter, who seems to be African-Canadian, shakes his head.

Flashback - in a dark cave dismantling something to the next level.

The doctor finds that the lesions are cancerous, but traditional chemotherapy would have done more harm than good. A new emerging field in medicine, nutshot oncology, has proven that these lesions are treatable by other methods.

Have a nice glass of glastnost!

Jail or Baptism?

On YouTube, the number of likes are hidden, but it's wavering around 50%. A certain scene is depicted, and the likes rise above the half-point mark when we win, and fall below when we lose. It shifts in a gyroscopic circular manner, like the Moon around the Earth around the Sun, and then the Moon will be flung away, pulling Earth-Moon out of its orbit.

"But the Moon has been around for four billion years!"

In high school, I send some people an email with facial icons for each of their respective profiles. For some reason, the guys' images are larger. I tell him not to skip class.

In social studies class we talk about "nutshot porn". That's gross.

As I walk outside my residence room in the morning, it's chilly. Yet, for whatever reason, my sweater is wet and damp.

I wake up early to go swimming.

Yay ! Lucid!
I was running away from something, or for something, I don't remember which. I was in a parking lot I can not remember from real life, but suddenly I stopped and realized;
Hey. I thought it felt a bit like.. air. Why am I doing this? This is ..a. dream. I shouldn't have to run.
I got the satisfactory feeling of realizing this just like that, but started feeling my body in bed. I resisted, trying float back into the dream, and luckily managed.
I then set running after what had been chasing me, and I generally remember having fun before I lost my lucidity again. No big deal, I'll make it stay longer next time

Um okay, I'll just note here that I had been focusing on living in the present, and I had been drawing a lot, the day before. Drawing sometimes work a little bit like meditation. So I think that daily focus is key. Notice your surroundings.

"You can't live on a breath in the future, nor from the past. You have to breathe now." I just love that quote. A man on TV said it yesterday. (Yesterday was a really great day, and this is starting to look like a blog post. I better shut my trap. Have fun )

[I have been writing DJ entries throughout June, both by hand in a paper journal and in a document on my hard drive. I feel like working on bringing my online DJ up to date tonight, so I'm going to.]

Night of June 5-6

I'm in a bedroom that resembles the one I had at House #2, but isn't exactly like it. I'm getting dressed, and my mom is in the room. I explain to her that I don't own any khakis or chinos, only jeans and black pants. [This is almost, but not quite, true in real life. I do have some khaki capris, but only one pair.] In a drawer, I find a couple of pairs of khaki capris, one pair of which is a light brown with a pretty, darker brown pattern of flowers and leaves on it. I think they might be too small for me, but I put them on anyway.

Night of June 6-7

A woman is being held in a dark, underground room. She's being tortured by having her hands bound together above her head in such a way that her elbows are being forced to bend the wrong way. She laughs and is good-humored about it, but this is just a facade to hide the horrible pain she's in. Other torture goes on, with torture implements, and other scary things happen [but I no longer remember the details]. All of the events of the dream unfold visually, but are accompanied by ongoing, simultaneous background narration provided by [a novelist whose audiobooks I often listen to]. The events are are all part of one of his novels, which I'm listening to. [I've been listening to his stories all these years, and they're just now giving me nightmares? Actually, I think I know why this might be: Now, I actually have a visual image in my memory to go with the concept of 'torture implements.' I got this visual image from seeing “Limitless;” that scene freaked me out, and I had to look away. That fact, plus the fact that I was really anxious about real-life stuff as I was going to sleep on this night, most likely caused the nightmare.]

Night of June 8-9

I instinctively realize that I'm pregnant, with twins, while I'm out and about, doing something. Later, I go to a hospital because I think it's my time to give birth, but it doesn't happen.

[Different scene.] I'm with a bunch of my friends, cleaning up the mess left behind after some big event in a large, indoor area. Cleaning up includes gathering together, sorting, and storing all the leftover pens and markers that were being given away at the event.

[Yet another scene.] I'm going to the hospital for a checkup.

At some point [I don't remember in which scene it was], I put my hand on my lower abdomen to feel the small bump that's starting there, and think about how I should stop drinking soda and eating unhealthy foods. [This dream felt very real while I was in it, so much so that when I woke up and recalled it, I went, “Wow, all that was just a dream? Whew, that's a relief!”]

ok, so I was in "health class" I guess. We were at a huge machine & my teacher-who looked like Dr. House from the show...well, House- was all mad because someone wasn't doing it right. We had to spin big pipes to make a candy-ish substance. I was standing on my pipe and almost fell off it. I looked around me and then woke up.

lol random dream 'eh? I think I watch waaaay too much House. XD naw, I love that show, you can't watch too much of it.

Type: Regular
Lucidity: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Vividness: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

July 23rd.
I'm holding a small bottle, placing it horizontally between my two palms, moving it up and down creating waves. Inside, is a dark, opaque red liquid - blood. I do not know whose, but, I do know that it signifies something important. There is a girl near me, although this dream doesn't feel like it will become a nightmare, I know that she is not good news. She asks me to write her something on a paper, and I tell her only if she releases her creatures. She agrees and I go away to a room to write something, however, instead I decide to look through some gold coins she has in a little casket at the side of the room. I'm displeased, so I throw them all out and leave. As I go out I'm in trouble, but not with the girl, but with my health apparently. Doctors swarm around me, someone tells someone else that my blood is O-Negative, I see them carrying little packets of the stuff towards me. I sit down, and suddenly I am alone. To my right is a little table, with drops of blood on it. I take the pin, and put it to my finger, marking the paper then, with my own liquid. My blood looks redder on the table, as dark as anything. Everything feels hazy, magical, and just as I start to feel good again someone appears, but it's hard to make out who for I can't see properly. I think it is a boy, looking at his shadow, I feel like I know who he is. I ready myself to stand up but he leaves and my dream fades away.

20.06.2010

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

This dream has two distinct parts, but they are definitely related through their themes.
In the first part, I am one of the inhabitants of two islands. The two islands are pretty small, but high, maybe of volcanic origin. They're pretty preserved, as far as I can see, there aren't many tracesof human settlement.
Deep on the sea bed, there is a tunnel joining the two islands. The tunnel room closest to West Island is room 2400, the room closest to East Island is room 2100. The workers of the tunnel have decided to go on a strike that day. I work in the tunnel too and I wonder if I should work that day or not.

There are several children living on both islands, but mainly East Island. A baby is born or has been left on a beach to the north-east of West Island, and a child from East Island comes to pick it up in a little boat. But since he doesn't want to be seen by any of the adults (maybe because they would take the baby), he asks a teen girl to come with him. This teen girl has an identical tween who has a young child, so if they're caught, they can always claim that she is the twin and that it is her child.


Part two
The children have all been forced to flee to a beach on the south side of East Island. They all live on the beach, which is closed off the rest of the island by foredunes and cliffs. They've built shelters out of driftwood and seem to have settled quite some time ago.
I then realize that it is silly that they should be locked off the rest of the island just by a dune, so I decide to fly over it (metaphorically, since I'm not bodily present in the dream) to see the other side of the dune.
I can see that there's a sort of desert with a few trees and bushes sprouting here and there, and a little pond near the beach. I assume that's were the stranded kids get their drinkable water.
A caravan is coming. Some of the men are wearing bedouin clothes while others are dressed like Westerners.
I then decide to embody an adult man. I talk with the head of the caravan. He tells me about the two Westerners, one at the beginning of the caravan, one at the end. The one in front is sick, while the one in the back has a broken arm which needs to be put back together.
I nominate myself doctor of the stranded children and decide to help the two men while the kids deal with the caravan. I hear the leader of the kids tell the leader of the caravan "Welcome to Thoninnio", so I gather that's the name of the settlement.
The first man is in his late thirties and has short, light hair with blue eyes. He looks very kind and, while I auscult him, tells me that he broke the other guy's arm. They were previously lovers but they had a row about the children of one of them (I think his, but I am not sure) and in the row he seized the other's arm and accidentally broke it. He wishes he could help but his ex won't let him near him. I'm a bit disappointed because he was so hot and kind, I would have liked to hook up, but too bad!
I ask if there's anything I can do to help them reconcile, but he explains apologetically that he went too far in the row and that he deserves what he got, and there's probably no way to fix things between them.
I then move to take care of the second guy. He's younger, late twenties or early thirties, with jaw-length hair, and looks vere bitter. He doesn't want to chat, so I just pull his arm and snap the bone back into place.
And then I woke up and quickly found a trick to remember the name of the settlement before going back to sleep.

21.06.2004

(Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

1st half of the 20th century.
I am engaged to a young man with a mustache who looks like a soldier or a gendarme.
Every night, a man breaks into my bedroom and try, with a lancet, to slice open my abdomen to steal a piece of my bowels while I am asleep. The first time, I manage to alert everyone. The second time, my fiancé was keeping watch in my bedroom, but the slicer managed to escape anyway.
In a daring plan to catch the slicer, on the third night, my fiancé decides to put on my night gown and sleep in my bed to fool the slicer into thinking he's me.