Trying to form new habits. First start developing an habit on meditation: zazen and theravada meditation. After this is established i will try to keep mindfulness for the rest of the day (everyday), which will be supported by ADA and self-awareness. I will take this as seriously as i can. I dreamt many events last night, so i will post the fragments here: My mother throws flour on me. We weren't at home, but at a place we were staying... It was uncertain for how long, and the place wasn't ours.I go to the bathrooms to take a shower. It was a big room (I think it was located where the primary bathrooms of my college were). There were toilet boxes in the wall in front of the door. To the left side of the door there were like 4 sinks. Some steps more and there was like an empty space in the middle where all the showers were together (like 6) [For description: it was like the gas rooms of WWII where german prisioners walked in for a "collective shower", but this was a shower for real...]. There was nobody in the showers so i decided i would take one myself, but i notice that it was reserved by Obama. After realizing this i see him, fully dressed. I realize that he was on Argentina, and on this school, but i wasn't surprised or anything. I start seeing that more people come in the bathroom, some going to the toilets, some going to the sinks, so i decide that i do not need a shower anymore and i go outside.Outside the bathroom there was an event going on, like a festival. The lights shut down and everything is dark. I stay for a while without seeing until some lights come again. I see some kids climbing in some desks, away of this event, so i go to help them. A girl was having trouble to come down, so i hold the desk and the chair and i tell her to climb on me. She nervously did and was safe.After that i dreamt something else that is not connected to the previous dreams. I was in a jail, not inside a cell, but where police officers should be. Well, there was no police apparently, many dangerous guys on cells and one drunk bald guy coming in and out of the cells. He had a beer glass and every time it ran out of beer he went in the cells to refill it. He asked me if i wanted to drink, of course i said no (it was home made alcohol..., and who knows what it had inside, besides i didn't want to drink any alcohol at all). After the third, fourth drink he started puring the drink in my head, since he was standing and i was lying on the floor. I wanted to do something about it, but at the same time i thought that he could easily open the cells and all the others would come out and that wouldn't be good (although there was an axe in the floor, beside the drunk man. He looked like Flea of RHCP). However i think i questioned why i couldn't get out of that place (i was waiting for the guy in charge there, so when he leaves i would go with him, but i questioned why i had to do that).Then i dream about the future and my family. Apparently the economic measures of this country aren't doing any good to the economics of the members of my family, so each time they are poorer. I dreamt something that supposedly happens about 6 months or a year from now. My aunt from my mother has no electricity on her house anymore, she can't pay the bills anymore and apparently she will loose her house. She barely has anything to eat because there's no work. However we were reunited with the rest of my mom's family, and we were enjoying the moment. My grandfather gave me some pens (blue and green), we were standing on a roof and the place was wide. We could have jumped through roofs (i think there was a big tree with vines, that's why the place felt wide).Then i find myself experimenting in a swamp. I had like 2 repelents on water, which repeled some monsters. Those monsters were like dolphins with heads of human and teeth of sharks. If those things caught you, you definitely were dead. But i was on water, proximate to 2 of them, and they couldn't touch me, because of this "net" that repelled them. A group came by with my father in it and i think i showed this to them. First i showed the monsters, and they showed how dangerous they were, and then i showed this device. After that we caught one of these monsters and we chop its head off (it was cruel but that's the decision we took as a group (very stupid to take decisions as groups)). Anyhow she was still alive and with those fierce teeth. Somehow the repellent blanket gets moved, my father didn't notice this and he stomps right on her mouth. Of course the blonde monster head ate his foot. He was asking me to come back, like coming back in time, to the part we were in the swamp. I checked if i could do this and i asked a partner there if he could, but both couldn't. There were 2 options. Going back in time (i was trying CTRL + Z, but i didn't have the keys... i should get away from PC for a while), or deal with this, accept it and start moving on. (This things happens, and even though one doesn't like it, it is of no use to regret or lament, so i try not to from the very beginning).Then i was left with the head alone for a while, while the group did other things. Of course i was watching it, and i noticed that it was coming to me (like rolling down). So i grabbed it by the hair and i throwed it up where it belonged again. It didn't stay, it came down again to me, so i grabbed it again and throwed it again. It did the same, but at this time i was already angry. Angry and cruel apparently, because i grabbed the head and started hitting it in the wall. After i was done i throwed it where it belonged and it stayed there, but i think the monster was dead by now... Review: I liked the part where i just met Obama and didn't care at all, and walked outside that place which was of no use to me anymore. I liked the part where i helped the little girl. I would have liked to question myself about the situation a little more, to avoid uncomfortable situations. Also i would like to develop more the skill of observation. I didn't like the group decisions. Probably it was because my father was there, but since im old enough now i have to take leadership on myself. I will start to be more responsible for myself. I didn't like the cruelty of chopping of the head of that swamp monster. It doens't matter if it is evil or not, i don't have any right for doing that, and if i do it is a false right since kamma doesn't work that way. I recognize i was cruel, so if i acted cruel something related to that will come up as result. I didn't like the moment of perplexity where i saw my father lost his foot. Either i accept it or i do something about it, but at that moment i was stiff. I didnt like the anger and cruelty that i took on that head. I acted based on that qualities of the mind, and i felt like no control. I should have felt with control, and i had discernment i probably could have stopped, but i didn't. I hope to diminish anger, erradicate cruelty, be mindful even in moments i forget, and develop discernment (with observance and questioning). Other: I was navigating through internet, looking for an avatar image. I saw an image on a geiser i had on site before and i decided to change it. I thought about looking for something related to fire, because of Zodiac (although i don't believe on it). However a couple days before (30th July) we talked about how "Ofiuco" changed the signs. So I recalled i was actually Piscis (water) instead of Aries (fire). And i realized that although i like fire i probably feel more at ease with water. So i looked for Piscis and in the images i saw, i saw sirens (the monsters of the swamp were actually sirens, but there were male as well and neither gender were beautiful). After seeing this i decided to write down the dreams of last night.
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