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Thursday Night, 11/7/19

I was hiking through a forest and I came out into an open field, accidentally spawning a large bear as I did so. I had to run away from it using video game controls. It morphed from bear, to wolf, to lion, to jaguar and long story short I couldn't increase the distance between me and it no matter what tactics I used.

Gradually the environment shifted from video game to realistic until I was running in my own body rather than using controls. Knowing I stood no chance remaining in the open field, I dove into the deep river to my left and swam across. I pulled myself out onto the opposite river bank and found myself back among the trees. But of course jaguars are excellent swimmers so the big cat followed me easily. As it came out of the water the jaguar transformed into a woman. She was beautiful and lithe, dressed in flowing white, with the cold expression of a seasoned killer. We came out onto a wide and empty paved road that cut through the trees. I walked backwards and shot invisible arrows at her which made her health bar go down - a remaining feature from the video game - but she was otherwise unfazed. She was slowly walking toward me holding an already bloodied sword which she didn't even bother to raise. She said, "It's always hard to kill something for the first time." Clearly she was not referring to herself. She seemed to be implying that any reluctance to kill on my part would give her the advantage.



We both stopped walking and she informed me flatly that I was out of arrows. Her health bar was only at half. I knew I would have to use my sword and hack away for my life. I wasn't very skilled with a sword. That is to say I'd never used one before. As the jaguar woman raised her own sword it was immediately clear she was in her element. My alarm went off, yanking me out of there and into a waking state.

I remember bits of a dream where I was exploring a multiplayer pvp map of a game I don't recognize. I went to the top floor of the building and snuck into a secret area through some vents. It had a greater purpose in singleplayer mode, but in multiplayer it didn't do much. I found myself in an office with a computer and a doomsday laser. I was trying to reach around to the computer but when I touched the floor alarms sounded. I hid and waited for the guards to show up. After a bit only 1 guy came in, and he seemed to be the evil boss you'd normally encounter when playing this. He didn't see me. He went to his computer and readied the laser. Evidently this laser would have the power to level buildings and he was ready to use it against me. I found myself with a rocket launcher. I pointed it at a router and walked through the plan in my head. First I'd shoot the router to stop any wireless activity, then I'd shoot the computer tower, and then the laser.

Now the next two dreams may be mixed a bit. They were similar dreams and I had them one after the other.

I woke up at 5am to my alarm and attempted FILD to no success. I rolled over and played around with my imagination. I couldn't see anything, but I imagined I was holding onto a balloon. As the balloon rose and flew in the wind, so did I. Before I knew it I was in a dream with the balloon above. I then got on top of the balloon and used it to fly circles around the area I was in. After a moment I realized I actually had transitioned into a dream, so I checked my palms and found they had detail. I looked around at the area and saw I was in a neighborhood with many trees. I descended down to the nearest house I could find and willed the inside to look like my dream hub. I walked inside, turned to my right to enter the living room/main area of the hub. I was disappointed with what I saw. Instead of what should have been I only saw one sad looking chair, a flimsy desk, and a few scattered items I didn't pay much attention to. I walked through the living room and into what would be a dining room in the original location. I found myself in the living room of my current house instead. I then decided I would spawn in my DG. I started talking to her. "Sarah, I know you're behind me. I am going to turn around and you'll be with me." I turned around...and she wasn't there.
I then went back through the pitiful living room and went upstairs hoping to see the upstairs from my old house that the dream hub is based on. I turned the corner and just saw the current house's second floor. I went to my room and checked my computer out of curiosity. I could read it, but it was all dark with . It looked almost like an inverted effect. I quickly gave up on that and went back downstairs and outside. I woke up due to frustration with my dream control.

I turned over and went back to sleep. My breathing rate was far too high to be relaxed so I had to pace myself and remind myself I'm dreaming every couple of moments until I fell back sleep.
I was in the dream hub again, but it still didn't appear correctly. I again went outside to try some other things. I told myself "This is a dream. This is MY dream. I am in control. I can do whatever I want." After being unable to conjure fire from my fingers I then tried doing things that would be easier to accomplish that I could build upon to give myself control. I broke my finger backwards and felt it a bit but was able to quickly subdue the pain. I used that to tell myself the dream wasn't real and that I was in control. I was about to try some other measure of dream control until two ladies drive up to the house in separate cars. One car looked like a classic jaguar and the other a classic corvette. Both women were stunning and enticing. The corvette woman was very blunt that it was their mission to capture me and take me to their company. I declined the offer. She then took off and left. The other woman told me seductively that she knew what I really wanted. She told me to hop into her car and she'd take me somewhere special. I stupidly went along with it. As we arrived at our destination I asked if she knew how to talk to my subconscious. I had some questions I really wanted to ask of my inner self. She looked at me like I was crazy. She had no clue what I was talking about. She then took my into the building and I quickly realized I had been duped. I let my instincts take over and got myself trapped at this institute that they had intended to take me to before. I had enough of the situation and woke up later due to my 7am alarm.

So for the record the dream hub is still in the planning phase at this stage. I have been thinking of the idea for a year or two. I know what it should look like. I originally intended it to be a wonderland for a tulpa I was working on. Her name was Sarah. I'd still kind of like to succeed with tulpamancy, but it requires so much work. I have tried with tulpamancy for almost as long as I have with lucid dreaming and haven't had much success. I have had seasons of giving up tulpamancy altogether and other seasons of trying real hard to accomplish my goals. I think my main roadblock is that I want to dig straight into the most difficult parts at the start and am disheartened when I don't see results. I want to see a visually imposed tulpa and psychically hear her. I don't trust my mindvoice. It isn't very loud to begin with so a voice in my head wouldn't be much different as far as I know. Anyway, the wonderland started as just the living room in my old house. The living room had a fireplace and was connected to the dining room of the house. The living room was accessible straight from the front entrance. You would walk in and see stairs to the left going to the second floor. In front would be a mirror on a door that lead down a hallway that had the door to the basement. If you kept walking you'd find yourself in the kitchen.
If you went right from the front entrance you'd see the living room. I picture that in the far right end you'd see a large corner couch with an old T.V standing in front of it. If you can picture a television like this one from fallout, but the monitor is on a simple stand and has speakers on either side of the screen built into it. The screen you see would also be HD. To it's left would be a desk with a mirror for Sarah. To the left of that and in the corner would be a queen size bed. Across the room would be a computer desk with 3 monitors and a VR setup, because I imagine Sarah as a gamer. To it's left would be the fireplace. The fire would be lit and there would be two large red chairs next to each other facing the fireplace with a small table in between that has two fresh hot chocolate mugs ready. As I grew the home from a simple wonderland I pictured the basement as a sort of dream hub. Ideally most dreams I have would take place at this house somewhere. Any time I try teleporting and fail due to not thinking a location fast enough, etc, I'd like to return here. Any time I would cause myself to wake up early I'd like to return here instead.

The basement would take on an appearance very similar to the one from the old house. You'd go down the stairs, and on your right would be a door with a short staircase that leads to the exit through some large doors, as it used to be a shelter entered via that spot. To the right of that door was a small useless hiding area in case of storm. To the left and across the way would normally be a stack of papers and an old boiler, but in my dreams and as part of the dream hub instead there would be an additional room that would be located here. As you walk through the hallway and into this new room you'd notice it is all white. You stand on a platform with only a void below. There are many doors surrounded my a central console. Central console is just a glowing white orb, kinda like this but not. The doors again are just standard wood with glowing white inside. As I touch the central console I would create a new permanent realm in one of the doorways. I could then just walk through the doorway of my choosing, through a portal into a world of my creation. The world may have specific rules set upon creation. Some places may not have gravity, some may allow murder, etc. For the most part these realms would pause when I leave and start again when I return. If at any time I forget the realms they should have a name above the doorways and the central console can always give me the details on the portal at any time.

Also as a note the entire house would be located on a cloud. If I wanted to I could just go outside, sit on a porch swing and enjoy the breeze. I could also fly out and through the clouds and see where it takes me.

I can recall I was partially lucid creating this dream where me and Manei had been stranded on a life raft floating adrift for a week. But the weird part was that I was the director, and also the character. Like I was at two places in the same time. We came across this island and realized we were going to have to survive there until rescue came.
I can remember us taking all the supplies of the lifeboat and swimming to the island. There was a reef and we were going to have to abandon the boat.

I can recall some dream about my mom adopting this jaguar that came to live with us. It seemed pretty friendly for a wild cat, and let me pet it. It also seemed interested in swimming in this shallow pool outside of our house.
There was also something to do with with us moving to a log cabin up north.

There was some part about these rock crystals sprouting out of the ground next to our cabin, that had something to do with the people of earth disappearing.

There was a part of this dream where I was with K and I was telling her we had to leave for a remote area. Why? Because there was a nuclear power plant nearby and since everybody had vanished, there was nothing to stop it from melting down.
I can recall this connected to both of the other dreams in some way.

I woke up for a brief time.

I went back to directing the dream about the life boat. There was some aspect to it, it was like a survival show and the people had to dislike one another and not agree with their ideas to make the survival more interesting. Therefore it couldn't be Manei and I since we actually get along.
I repeated the scenario several times adding and removing characters from the life boat until it was about a couple of random, unrecognizable people.
The people had now been floating on the raft for three weeks. There were four DCs. Three male and a female, and they were now fighting over the last food. Somebody had been accused of eating all four rations of food while the others slept.

I've been very slack on here lately but am going to try to catch up on some dream journal entries that I've been logging into my phone with the intention of writing here.
I unfortunately haven't recorded the dates of these dreams but am just going to type them up in the order they appear in my phone.

Bristol/Jaguar dream

At a friends in Bristol (despite never having been there but having friends there!), playing with a dog in the garden a Jaguar appears, I run next door and lock out this Jaguar from the garden. Suddenly I'm in house and there's this mad bitch we can see through the window, she's going from house to house trying to smash in people's doors with a spade. She comes to the house I'm in with an accomplice. I call the police to tell them and they just hangup! Then I open the door to confront them, they try to cut my hand with a sickle but it's blunt but I vividly feel it going over the top of my hand. I wake myself up screaming 'Get Away!'.

I was at a friends house in Bristol (even though I've never been there to visit this friend yet). I was playing with a dog in the garden when this Jaguar appears so I run into the next garden and gather up my friend, the dog, some other people including children and the neighbours and get them into the house and lock the Jaguar out. One guy in the house has a wound on his face which I ask if he got from the Jaguar but he says no.

Suddenly I'm back at the house where I live, and am looking out the window at this crazy bitch with dark hair in the street smashing at peoples doors with a shovel. She then comes to ours with an accomplice, a blonde woman with greenish eyes. I call the police and describe what I've seen happen and that they're now at our door harassing us but the police just hang up not caring!

So I open the door to confront them but the dark haired woman tries to cut the top of my hand with a rusty garden tool she's took from our porch (like a sickle), but it's too blunt and just sort of scratches my skin. The blonde woman just stands there smirking and I remember seeing a neighbour who I think was another old friend of mine's Mother just watching us out the window (even though she doesn't even live in this street).
I then woke myself up screaming 'GET AWAY!!'.

I know why I had this dream because the same night a strange woman rang the doorbell at about 11pm asking for someone called Simon & when I said no-one called Simon lived here she asked if anyone next door was called Simon to which I replied there was no-one round here called Simon. It freaked myself & my Mother out a bit as it was late for someone to be calling and the woman was just weird and shifty most likely mentally ill or on drugs.

I remember watching an instructional video on how to make a guitar body, specifically, the Fender Jaguar. Oddly enough, the body didn't actually look like a Jaguar, but was the word "Jaguar" in very large script. I remember an old man holding the guitar body up and talking about the pickups.

I also remember a dream in which my girlfriend's father was planning on renting the downstairs to someone and was going to talk to them on like skype or something, so I joined in to see what they were saying. It turns out the person who was going to rent was my favorite guitarist, Tyler the Creator (I know, he is a rapper, but that was the name of this guy in my dream). Interestingly enough, I've never listened to this rapper before. Anyway, I remember seeing his guitars which were made of 10+ strings and 7 or more pickups at odd angles on the body. I remember pulling for Tyler moving in before I had to move out, but I don't remember if he did or not.

I drank half a cup of natural apple juice before bed, and practiced ADA/RCing at least 15 times during the day.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING

23:00

The Jaguar from the Shadows
There’s a legendary monster terrorizing people. It is a large muscled black panther or jaguar that moves in the dark and in the shadows. Old legends tell that an army of samurai fought this monster and sent him away from this world, but he is back from the dark place where it was exiled for centuries. He attacks a city and kills every being who gets in his way. I have a brief contact with the beast, when our shadows cross and I feel like I’m being slashed by his claws. I realize on that moment that I might get a chance to win a fight with him, if only I stay away from his shadow or keep my shadow away from him. I find an axe and by trying to stay under direct light, making no shadow, I fight him but I only cause him minor injuries. After a tiring confrontation, the jaguar disappears as a dark smoke to unknown place. Later I am working on an underground lab with a team, on ways to fight this beast. Some cocky guy comes in offering his help, but because I didn’t like his attitude I sent him away and get back to work. He comes back later, with a different body, a bit looked like Matthew McConaughey. At first I don't recognize him but once he starts talking I realize it's the same guy. I wonder who he is and why he is being so persistent, so I let him stay this time. I was interviewing a bunch of guys anyway, to join the team, so I decide to give him a try. I send him down to the lower level, where some colleagues are running some experiment which demanded opening a tunnel to an underground system we think might be the hidden den of the beast. I tell him the door is jammed and I want him to go help close it. By then we were not so worried, because it was not expected to be dangerous as we had a good surveillance system and the tunnels were apparently safe at the moment. But once he gets there, they are surprised by the sudden invasion of the black panther, coming again as a black smoke and materializing once inside the premises. I hear the screams and see a distress signal blinking, so I go check it out. When I get down there it’s all damn quiet, lights flickering, I realize something got wrong. I hide and I see the jaguar passing by, accompanied by a sorcerer. I don’t know this lower level so well, but I find some abandoned room where I hide. Inside it I find an old crazy lady who apparently sleeps there. I first feel I should get out of there because she might start talking and giving our location away, but instead she makes a sign to take cover and she saves me, by hiding me when the sorcerer comes by. She shoos the sorcerer away by pretending to be both obnoxious and harmless. Then the guy who changes bodies comes by and takes me out of there. I thank the lady.

1:00

Snoring guy
I think I wake up because someone is snoring really loud by my side. I wake up in a bed with some guy by my side. I am confused. Did I go to bed with some guy and don’t recall it? I try to see his face, but I’m scared of what I’ll find out. I finally see his face and I have no idea who he is. But we happen to be sharing a bed in a unfamiliar room to me. I feel tired so I just want to sleep and forget about it. I put my earplugs I find over the bedside table, but somehow it is not making any difference. I still hear the snoring and I can’t rest. I push the guy and wake him up. He says “What!?” and I complain he is snoring (let alone “who the fuck are you?”). He says it is not him and in fact I still hear snoring although he is awake. He shows me a guy sleeping on the floor, it is my friend Belchior and he is the one snoring. He says he came in late night, had no place to sleep and asked if he could crash in the dorm. Oh, so it’s a dorm. Belchior also wakes up, we say hi and he says he is sorry for dropping by like that, but he brought along a TV that we can use (and he points to the TV) as a compensation. This is getting boring so I then really wake up and realize it is my BF who is snoring out loud by my side on the bed.

3:00

New Zealand, Nepal, Japan and bullies
Falling asleep I got stuck on some hypnagogic imagery of giant waves hitting some scarps followed by a large group of mountains covered in green grass. I have a certainty that it is in New Zealand. I get into a dream from here. I am climbing those scarps, for sports I guess, but soon the waves are getting higher and higher and me and other people are really running up the scarps to escape them. We reach some small plateau where we find some nice hostel. By then we are in Nepal. I see prayer flags hanging near the front door. We are tired and hungry and we go inside. We find the place lovely. I start taking pictures, but some lady guests there don’t want to be on the picture and they complain, so I have to stop. I sit outside in a terrace with my climber friends. We are eating boiled eggs. There’s a girl in the group who is very pretty and she is blind. The waiter who is serving us is mentally challenged and I guess he feels empathy with this girl because of her disability and he digs her completely. So much that he is only serving her and obsessively asking if she wants something else. There are other costumers waiting to be served and he is ignoring them. We find it cute and amusing, but the girl is totally pissed off. She wants him to leave her alone. He only goes away when his boss scolds him from behind the counter. The girl then leaves and we accompany her to a place nearby where she is going to meet her actual BF. We think he is a bit of a jerk, but she seems to like him. The streets we walk are clearly in some Eastern country, like China or Japan. Once we leave her with her BF we come back to our table, but we still catch a glimpse of them making out inside the shop or studio where he works.
Back on my sit, I’m carefully taking the shell of an egg and I put it on the plate for a second to look to the side because of something we’re talking about. A group of people is passing by the side of our table and some bully takes my egg and eats it. I feel irritated with his attitude and I get up to confront him. He looks oriental and he is brown belt in karate or something similar. He is not a big guy and somehow I don’t feel so intimidated, but I’m aware he might be able to kick my ass quite a bit. Also there are other bigger guys in the group who are also martial arts practitioners – they are wearing their uniforms. I don’t care, I stand for justice. I tell him what he did was really wrong and ask him to say he’s sorry. Of course he is not and he couldn’t care less about my feelings. Then I get a blow in the head and when i get to turn I see the taller guy trying to play cool, like he didn’t do anything. This really annoys me. I call them cowards and childish and I get ready to fight them, but they don’t seem to want to fight me, just bully me. I give up and I tell “I just want to tell you to drop dead, but because I’m much more civilized than that, I instead wish you all the best for your life and have a good day!”. And I really felt it, from the bottom of my heart. There were some ladies accompanying them and they smiled very impressed that I had been classy and mocked them for having been taught a lesson of good manners.

Whalers
I become half-lucid and as I turn my back on them I face a park. It has a beautiful hedged garden and I try to fly over it, but it doesn’t work. So I walk up a hill by the side of the garden. On top of the hill I watch night falling and a sea bay with boats floating. The sea is getting very revolted and the boats are being violently shaken. I am then on the quay where other people are to, watching the boats in the storm. I ask if they’ll be ok and I’m told they are used to it and are not in distress. Actually they tell me they are working right now. They are whalers and are catching whales on the bay right now. I then see it, they are trapping and killing some small species of whales. I don’t want to see it, so I run from this bay, but find myself inside a building from which I can’t get out, with a large panoramic window over the bay. They are slaughtering the whales and I scream “Murderers!!!”. Two ladies who are tourists there and are also not enjoying the “show”, look at me like saying “well, it’s their custom, we can’t judge them”. I realise they wouldn’t understand my point. I’m vegetarian and I suffer with the killing of any animal, but in my own country people slaughter millions of animals and I don’t go around the streets calling them murderers, so why should I do it here? I decide to just leave after saying some prayers for the whales. But then I’m told the only way out is to go through two boats stopped on the quay. My friends from the hostel are also around and also want to get out of there, so we all go over the deck of the boats. But when we’re on the second one, it starts moving. We freak out, afraid it might go whaling and takes along. That would be too much! My friends turn to me “Now what!?” I don’t know, so I wake up.

5:40

Comet or asteroid
There’s something in the sky heading towards Earth, like a comet or an asteroid. It’s clearly visible in the sky and people are feeling desperate. I get the clear feeling “I’m going to die soon” and although it doesn’t totally freak me out, I still feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea. I’m with my BF looking at it and he asks me “Didn’t you had some friends or knew someone who knew about this? Don’t they have a plan? Can’t you talk to them? Aren’t some aliens coming to save us?” I find it funny that all of sudden all the conspiracy theories are no longer looking silly to him. But I tell him no, there is no one to save us and no plan B. We have to accept it. I feel at peace. Then, on that very moment, the asteroid or comet makes an abrupt 45º change in course, drawing a V in the sky and moving away from our planet, like it had bounced on something.

6:30

Save the children
... Passing by some kindergarten. Stop to look at a shelf full of figurines. I like particularly two dolls, of a male and female twins. Then the real versions of the figurines appear behind me and ask me if I’m enjoying the dolls. I ask if those are doll versions of themselves and they confirm, amused. They have a bunch of them.
... I am half-lucid and for some reason I get involved in a fight. Some guys with pitchforks and clubs come inside this building and I am trying to protect the people there, specially the kids, so I fight for them. I get some improvised weapons made of strong sticking out wires. I mostly knock them out and get their weapons, but try not to kill anyone. In the end only a lady is left standing and she wants the kids to commit suicide. Because they ignore her, she threatens to kill them. Of course I won’t let that happen. I never understood what this was about.

First encounter with my Dream Guide
I am now fully lucid. I go outside by climbing some stairs to a door, through which the attackers came inside. I decide to call my Dream Guide again, hoping to be more successful this time. I rise up in the air, hoping that in the sky I won’t be bothered by DCs, but two guys come after me, one flying and the other becoming gigantic to reach me. They nail me down on the floor, but I decide I won’t fight or get distracted. I keep focused on my goal. They hold me down but I look into the blue and white clouded sky and I make an appeal to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to designate a dream guide for me! Then a beautiful girl comes in my rescue, riding some kind of hover-bike. She is Japanese-looking, dressed in a white leather-like biker outfit with some red stripes in the front. She has a cute round face and a cute short white hair. She gets out from her sky-bike and picks the guys up as if they were feathers and throws them far away until they simply vanish in the distance. When she does this, red stripes of hair appear in her head and her outfit turns into red with white stripes in the front, so the opposite of before. It’s like her wrathful version coming out. I thank her and I ask for her name but she makes a sign like she wants me to shut up and not ask any questions. She never said a word. She just picked me up and took me across the dream as if it was just an hologram. She leaves me inside some place, like some cruise spaceship. It is definitely Japanese populated. I see japanese kids gathered in some kind of dinner to my left, then some tofu restaurant to my right and I keep walking through this deck-like place and I find a weird sado-maso role playing place that is becoming quite oppressive and unpleasant. I wonder why my DG took me here and why did she disappear so quickly. What did she mean? The dream is closing in, I feel uncomfortable. So I remember the ease with which she pulled me through a dream to another without the need for walls, portals, whatever. Then I thought maybe what she was trying to tell me was to stop being addicted to artifices: I have been able to get out of dreams just by wanting, so what's keeping me from doing it all the time. "Just get out!" So I did! I crossed this dream as if it was just an hologram hovering in front of me.

7:30