• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




    View RSS Feed

    Recent DJ Posts

    1. Not Lucid But Mediating Every Dreaming Process Anyway

      by , 03-19-2019 at 10:57 AM
      Morning of March 19, 2019. Tuesday.

      Dream #: 19,083-04. Reading time (optimized): 3 min.



      This incredible dream sequence is long but with the longer second part offset from a vivid foundation where I eventually mediate and viably control several common REM sleep processes understood since early childhood, atypically in the same dream, yet with no emerging awareness that I am dreaming at any time.



      Sky mediation integrated with window (liminal space division) mediation (which is a form of concurrent environmental monitoring with subliminal RAS/cortex gating):

      In the beginning, I am indulging in atypical sky mediation (from indoors rather than outdoors) without viable lucidity. I am in the lounge room of the Stadcor Street house (incorrectly recalled as my present home) and standing near the front windows. This anticipation is low-key. I do not focus on “something coming down from above” as in many past dreams, but I am subliminally manipulating the amount of light and color in the sky. At the same time, I am vaguely aware of an “invisible” video superimposed over one area on the windows, but I focus only on the sky beyond. I consider, without emotion, if the sky represents the “end of the world” (analogous to the “end of the dream state”). Many colors are present, but red and yellow dominates. I gaze at this process for several minutes.

      Identity mediation integrated with doorway mediation (as sustaining the dream state) as well as subliminal dream state awareness (the presence of the beds).

      I find myself in the King Street mansion in the second floor’s middle room of the east side. I have a false memory of the landlady having changed the way she rents rooms. She now has it so that two people have to occupy each apartment, each paying twenty dollars a week instead of one tenant paying that amount. My false recall is ambiguous, but I consider that she has done this to make up for me having lived there without paying rent for so long. Leonard is sharing the apartment with me. I walk across the hall and see a young platinum blond male in his room near the right side of his bed. He is unsure of who he wants as a flatmate. I suggest my friend Rick (saying his full name) but then consider that Rick might be too old to live with this person and state as such to him. (This does not make much sense, as I perceive Rick as being about twenty years old, even though in reality he is in his fifties as I am.)

      I have several different types of keys, one a skeleton key that I joke about with Rick, to determine which one works with the door of my room. There are little keys as well as more obvious house keys. I eventually find the correct one. Rick now seems to have taken Leonard’s place.

      From here, I go downstairs (transitional vestibular system correlation). The landlady seems cheerful. Two unknown people stand in the unlit foyer talking to her. I hear the woman say her name, and her last name is the same as mine. I comment on this as I leave the house.

      It is now daytime. It turns out that the woman, now a young girl, is my niece. I walk atop a fence (linear vestibular system correlation and mediation of liminal and enigmatic space), and she becomes the vestibular system simulacrum (personification of vestibular system adaptation). She continuously cheerfully talks to me about how I should walk atop it, regarding balance and distance of steps, which now becomes a series of fences. She is usually on one parallel to the one atop which I am walking. I now get the impression that we are walking to school (relearning emerging identity and subliminal cortex awareness).

      Two nieces and two nephews (on my father’s side) are present, though they are much younger than they should be. After becoming aware of this scenario without full current conscious self identity, I walk down the sidewalk near the front of an unknown house where two of my nephews are standing. The oldest is talking about how much fun he had surfing recently (a result of reinduction processing which does not continue). I tell him that I saw him surfing in a photograph as if to validate his experience (which seems like a false memory) and he seems puzzled by this as I consider I may be mistaken. The process fails (water not moving, melatonin flow stopping, similar to water lowering waking autosymbolism), and I then meander around the unfamiliar neighborhood until I wake.


      Tags: fence, keys, sky
      Categories
      non-lucid
    2. Lucid - Finally Had A Lightsaber Fight! - September 30

      by
      ZAD
      , 09-30-2018 at 07:41 PM (ZAD's DJ)
      Sep 30 2018

      (3 dreams, 2 lucids)

      pre-star wars interstate/table in front yard, F's car - why are the keys on a table in the front yard? they can be stolen! have to get her car back, getting angry

      lucid/semi-lucid star wars dream* (badass)

      wbtb (lasted for 3 hours)

      lucid with D and 8, and roach antenae then hopping away like a deer, short, got lucid halfway through

      space station dream getting a delivery, we were running out, boss says forget about the reeses puffs and then they give us twice the delivery (everyone mad "we could have been getting twice this whole time? we didn't even get any reeses puffs") and guards and cutting ribbon lines (dad, w/ gun or broom) and other stuff (transformed into noir music video at end); remember the black slats on the divider vividly, and the floor; like an arcade! vivid, long

      lots of HI and feeling for dream scene, but no successful WILDs
      feeling for a white tennis shoe
      feeling for a white metal corner with slats on it

      *Star Wars dream:
      I'm in the office of 9. My best friend (A) and his previous long-time girlfriend (T) are there. There's also another girl from the previous dream who has orange hair (we'll call her O; I had a feeling she might have been a manifestation of my guide). A has a hooked nose unlike in real life, and he's standing next to the bookcase in the far left corner comforting T. O is sitting in a chair looking at me. It's a persecution-style dream, someone is going to eradicate us. I think I had to kill someone in the office, someone was a traitor. I become lucid but decide that instead of pursuing goals I'll let the dream take me wherever it was intending to go. I have a lightsaber and there was someone else there (my dad or F?) who had one, so I offered the group mine thinking that the other person and I could take them with just one lightsaber. They declined and I decided against it anyway, I would need it. So instead I give them a purplish greenish small box of parts to make their own. The dream shifts and I'm in the front yard in the passenger seat of the van. My sister and F are across the street selling pumpkins (as a disguise/to make it seem normal that we're there and that we have nothing to hide). They need to close up so we can go. In the car with me is O, and my dad and possibly mom are near the car. [I say something to someone.] Sister brings me a pumpkin in F's WL purse, it's ripping, I tell them to stop messing around, there's danger. Eventually the scene transitions and the pumpkin stand disappears, it's darker outside, I can tell Sith are coming. I think I told the van to drive away but I can't remember now.

      I walk to the curb and it's much darker like a storm's coming, dust blows by me dramatically and I see two white Hutts at the very end of the street. I remember now that I had told them in the van not to fire their blasters unless they had to, because if they did the others would know where they were. For this reason I don't draw my lightsaber yet (it's probably about 6 houses until the end of the street so I have some distance to cross). When I reach about halfway I notice three more Sith, they looked like Tuscan raiders. Unexpectedly one of the Hutts charged me! It was much faster than I expected because instead of slithering towards me it floated/levitated towards me at an alarming rate. It also held its red lightsaber in a fully forward way, arms up and forward at the chest. It was very intimidating. It also had force lightning. By this point, I had succumbed to the dream's validity to the point where I was still lucid in awareness, but it was more like an elevated state of consciousness and control of my own actions, not control of the dream. In any case I didn't think to use dream powers but was limited to the constraints of the universe, so because I had a blue lightsaber, I only had force push, and becuase they had red, they also had force lightning. So essentially we would circle around each other while facing each other, him sending lightning at me and me pushing or lightsabering it away. This was very intense and I was still only facing one of them. Once I had sen that the van was gone, I decided to flee as I couldn't face them all. I think I may have killed one of the Tuscan raiders first? I ran to a kid's bicycle and as I boarded it, one of the raiders had come up behind me on a Star Wars bike. I used the force to lift the bike up and start flying. The raider and I get into a contest of side-swiping and I dismount him. I have to pull up because there's a white fence/gate at the end of my street.

      Now the sky had gone from storm-blue with dust in it to full-on apocalypse brown. I was flying past twisted trees and power lines, turning sideways to dodge them. At some point
      the dream faded.

      Most of these dreams came from day residue; the SW part came from listening to an episode of MBMBAM discussing naming a kid Anakin; we recently got a new end table by our front door where we leave our everyday carried items, and it's next to a window with blinds so I recently thought "what if they can see through those?"; the arcade-themed space station was due to seeing a Dave and Busters-themed scene in the show F was watching (I think Once Upon a Time). Anyway the lightsaber fighting was badass, even though it wasn't as conscious as it could have been; but it probably would have been much shorter if I had been fully lucid the whole time, so I'm in part glad that the dream and the threats it posed felt 100% real.

      Interesting note: At the end of the SW dream, I was in an FA with the layout of my room being slightly different and although my eyes were closed, I could see a thin strip of light in front of me (in reality, this would have been to the right of me). I sat recalling my dreams and had a brief visualization/WILD attempt within the FA! Then I woke up. For some reason I wrote in my DJ that it's possible I had the SW dream stemming from visualizations during my FA? Interesting but I don't remember about the FA to say for sure now.
    3. Ghosts Took My Car Keys

      by , 04-03-2018 at 09:25 PM (The Fourth Factor)
      I’m in a car with my mother, driving down an unfamiliar road towards the house where she's living—it seems that I’ve come here to visit her and will be leaving soon. We aren’t far from the house, but she indicates that I should turn off to the right, where there’s a cemetery. I already have some idea what this is about since I know there’s a grave here that she’s been taking care of. We’ve already visited a couple times during the course of this visit. I turn into the entrance.

      Now we’re both walking through the cemetery. It’s a bit overgrown, but a livelier place than you might expect since there are kids running around doing kid things and other people who are here visiting.

      Some of the children are decorating the grave we’re headed for. They’re debating over where to put a special artifact—it looks like a small spiral seashell, only brown and lightweight like a cicada skin. Right now, they have it set on the leaf of a flowering plant, but it seems to be bending the leaf back too far.* (At some point, I couldn’t say exactly when, I seem to have become a different person—a friend of my mother’s, a man, maybe in his 40s or older.)

      Eventually, somebody gets the idea of calling up the spirits themselves and asking them how they want the grave to look. Now there are a number of them floating around, including one that is just a disembodied hand. They ask it to point to what it wants on the grave—but, unexpectedly, it goes straight for my car keys. Really? But I know I have to give them up now.

      But I also know—not from the man’s perspective, but from somewhere outside it—that they are laying claim to the keys because they like him, they think he’s a great guy, and by doing this, they can prevent something bad from happening to him that they know is in his future otherwise. The fact that he is massively inconvenienced in the process is completely incidental.

      *Note: I had spent a few hours of the previous day on website design, a lot of which is figuring out how to get thing A to location B without messing anything else up. An interesting parallel here.

      2.4.18
      Categories
      non-lucid
    4. Favor, Forgotten, Flood

      by , 09-26-2016 at 03:31 AM
      I am in the water, off of a dock. My friend has left his...watercraft with the keys in the ignition out in the middle of the bay. I kept calling it a boat, but it wasn't really. Sort of like a jet ski, but you stood on it instead. It had a dashboard with controls, handles, and then a flat area to stand on. I watch a few people swim up to it, and I'm worried someone will steal it. I've never used one so I don't want to move it. Instead, I swim over, like it belongs to me, and remove the keys from the ignition. I hop over to a tiny walkway hugging a wall, and sidle along until I make it back to the dock which is painted dark, dull red. His apartment is across from mine. In the dream he was familiar to me, someone I care about, but he has become indistinct like many of my dream characters. I'd probably call him a mixture of Ruadh and my ex, considering the people in the apartment.

      Anyway, I go in through the open door and navigate through all the people, asking if anyone has seen him. They direct me to the kitchen, I find him there with one of my ex's friends, Amanda who was mostly nice but a little condescending to me.
      I walk directly to him and drop my eyes while I explain that he left his damn boat on the bay with the keys in the ignition. I drop the keys into his waiting hand. He thanks me in a distant way and says he'll be right back, I assume he's going to move the boat. I stand there a little too long and Amanda asks me in a condescending way, "What are you doing here, sweetheart?" and plucks a dust bunny from my sleeve.
      I frown a little. "Doing him the favor of returning his keys." I say. I know I wasn't invited. I leave without saying anything, knowing no one will notice or miss me.

      I walk across the way to my own apartment. It's has a curious layout. A front room with a tiny kitchen off to the right, and straight back is the bedroom, to the left of the bedroom is the bathroom, with another door leading into the living room. People follow me into my apartment, I don't know any of them. I try to shut the door to my bedroom, it's a heavy sliding metal door with a weird crossbar for a lock. It won't latch and people follow me into my room. I wander out through the bathroom and find a co-worker of mine in the living room. Startled, I realize my apartment has two entrances and he came in through the second one. He tells me he was just returning something to me? My cat got out. (I don't have a cat).
      I realize with a guilty start that I have forgotten to feed my cat. He's a very thin long-hair tabby. I wonder how long its been since I fed him? I cast about for his food and water bowl which are, embarrassingly full of cobwebs and dead flies. I gather them up and try to hide their disgraceful state from my co-worker as I rush into the kitchen to wash them out. How could I have forgotten?

      You know, this is the third or fourth time I've dreamt about forgetting to feed my cat, when I don't even have a cat. =/

      It ends with a terrible storm and strangers huddled in my apartment. I'm stuck at the front door, struggling to hold it closed. It won't latch and the flood water from the bay keeps rushing in through the cracks despite my efforts to hold it shut.

      Updated 09-26-2016 at 03:35 AM by 54746

      Categories
      Uncategorized
    5. 18/July/2016

      by , 07-18-2016 at 02:37 PM
      >A woman (Caucasian, maybe around the age of 30; she had dark brown hair and IMO was a bit fat but far far off from clinically obese) was talking about keys and something else my Maternal Grandmother had. This woman said something about these possessions similar to "they nearly fell over" (off a table) and was talking about burying the possessions with the ashes?! She gave an explanation to why. I felt disturbed when she said this as it meant we'd have to dig up the grave so I didn't agree to it.

      Later in this same dream with someone else standing near me in the building (My Father, I think) the same woman (who is not my Mother) was outside a window talking to me and I saw a white pickup truck in the street some distance away on the other side of the parking lot. I told her to come in immediately and told her not to question me; I felt as if these men in the truck were coming to beat us and maybe steal something. I said to get vinegar, to spray in their eyes.

      I woke up.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    6. 07.14.2016 Gold, gold gold.

      by , 07-15-2016 at 05:16 PM
      Preface:
      Bed at midnight. Long day and long night. Skipped vitamins before bed; I was so tired I forgot about them.
      I am noticing that my dream transitions are smoother. Dreams are turning into one really long dream, as opposed to many short ones.

      DR1

      I am walking down an alleyway with a couple of friends. It is evening time, and the color of the buildings is brown/goldish. It looks as if everything is being lit up by a torch, except, there is no torch in sight. I am with a girlfriend, and we are being accompanied by two guys. My girlfriend is talking a lot, explaining her new plan to "make" money. We arrive at a clearing in an alleyway. There is a table, with a machine on top if it. She has apparently found this machine, and this machine actually "makes" gold coins! The machine is made up of all types of contraptions that go all the way down the table and end with coins dropping into 4 five gallon (20liter) buckets that have somehow been screwed in under the table. You have to unscrew the buckets to get the product out. I actually watch liquid gold run through the contraption and I am amazed. I begin to think that this is dangerous, and ask more questions about how this came about. The guys unscrew the buckets from underneath the table. Wow, 4 big buckets of gold coins!

      And then, through conversation, I find out that people are after that machine! A dangerous gang of thugs is lurking in the background and they ambush us. Our guy friends manage to take two buckets of coins to safety, but the thugs take two. My friend hides a little stash under some old clothes on the table, and nobody bothers to look there. We all run around a corner, and I find the doorway of a building. I open it, we go in and close/lock the door behind us. Its a sturdy building door so nobody can come in. Has a hospital feel to it, except for the building has warm colors on a darker scheme (brown, gold, oranges, dim lighting); it's not white like a medical facility. We start to try to figure out what to do, but we are confused and panicked.

      The gang stops trying to get in and they disappear. We start to look around the lobby and offices, which seem like lived-in hotel rooms. We try to get some rest and figure out what to do next. Our guy friends have managed to run off with the gold buckets, so its just me, my girlfriend and no gold.

      I start to wander into one of the rooms, because I hear a noise. My friend says, "don't go down that hall- I think it used to be a psyche (psychiatric) ward". I wander into a room down the hall anyway, out of curiosity. When I open the door, there is a little girl with glasses standing in front of her bed. The room looks normal, only I am seeing everything in grey/blue scale. A weird blue light is cast over everything. She speaks to me, and calls me a name that I don't recognize. She tells me I'm from Texas, but I have a Louisiana spirit.
      I tell her she's mistaken, that "<name>" isn't my name. She picks up a doll, smells it and looks up at me. At that moment, her eyes become completely black and she turns into a small dwarf man/monster. In a demon-like voice he says, "That's right! your name is <my name>". I panic with fear, and he starts to grow taller- really tall. I think part of me realizes this is a dream, but I don't wake up. I feel like its a threat that can be contained within the room. I say to myself, "oh, no no..this is not why I came" and I walk out of the room and shut the door. When I close the door, my fear is gone and I return to the room where my friend is waiting.

      All of a sudden, the thugs are back, trying to get into the door. They tell us to open the door and give us the gold, because they have our kids. We begin to panic and we try to negotiate. We don't have the gold so we are freaking out. They end up taking one of the older kids, and I don't know what to do. We can see the alleyway from the small window in the door. There is a fence (?) on the left border. They throw the kid over the fence and we just begin freaking out. I am standing there crying uncontrollably for a solid couple of minutes because I don't know what to do.

      My friend and I then realize that we have been in the thugs' hiding place the whole time. We can see a car in the street, so we begin looking for the keys. We are also thinking that we can still get the remainder of the gold from the table, to get kids back.
      As this thought comes to mind, my dream shifts to third person and I am floating over the table. The clothes are removed from the hidden stash before me. I can see that my friend has placed coins in a bunch of little gift boxes for the poor.

      I shift out of third person, because I am looking for keys inside the facility. In some attempt at a trade, the thugs have given us pieces of wood instead of car keys. I realize that the keys must be inside the facility somewhere. I search the lobby and find the keys on the shelf. I tell my friend we have to go.

      We open the door and we run. We get into the car- and my dream shifts into third person. The car has been painted this metallic purple, and its all tricked out. I feel myself get into the car, but my when my vision shifts, I can only see her face and one part of the car...I can't recall seeing myself even though I know I got in.


      Notes:
      Lots of obvious dream symbols that I won't bother to list. However, weird notes include:
      -Two dreams in a row where two seemingly innocent people have morphed into harmful beings. (On 07/13 the homeless boy, and last night the little girl with glasses)
      - Why she smells the doll to recognize me is so odd. I have a very keen sense of smell IRL, though.
      -Gifts for the poor
      -Purple car
      - kidnapping
      - poor is also a theme for 2 nights in a row. (gifts for the poor and the homeless man)
    7. More Dog Stuff

      by , 06-22-2016 at 07:02 PM
      I was on a dark street with my dog (I seriously must have nothing else going on in my life) and she suddenly ran off toward the river. I was shocked because she has never done this, and she was ignoring my calls. I finally caught up with her but I didn’t have a leash. I thought it would be a good idea to put her in my car (I can’t remember what I was doing at the time, but I was going somewhere that wasn’t home.) I held onto my dog’s collar as we walked back and I encountered a drunk man that I apparently knew as a regular in a restaurant I worked at. He made some random comments that I don’t remember and I felt slightly uncomfortable. I went into a theater/pub where two of my friends were. One of them had my car keys. The first one I encountered, Amy, was announcing someone to the crowd. I tried to get her attention but couldn’t. I saw my other friend, Angi, and she gave me my keys. My dog morphed between my current dog and my last dog, who passed away almost a decade ago. This is not uncommon. I also remember driving by an outdoor laundromat during the day, and thinking that I could work there, that it didn’t seem so bad. The place was basically a parking lot with one or two washing machines/dryers and a stand with a bunch of hot pink and bright blue flowers for sale.

      I had dreams of trying to solve graphic design problems too, in fact I thin this is what the bilk of my night was spent doing. I'm currently taking some courses, and I guess my brain is working overtime.

      Thoughts: I took Valerian Root before bed last night, probably falling asleep around 12:15am, which is late for me. I read some design books in bed before sleeping. My thoughts seemed to be racing again—not very stressful thoughts, but my brain struggled to relax. Again, visualization practices seemed difficult and uninteresting. Woke up at 3am and read for an hour or two, fell back asleep around 5ish. I'm taking my dog to the vet today for vaccines. Looking for part time work.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    8. Antelope Canyon

      by , 05-11-2016 at 10:42 PM
      Dream:

      I was going to Antelope Canyon with my friend M. I had driven us there and now we were waiting for our tour guide. Suddenly we see V. She tells us she had just gotten off a tour but wanted to come on our tour with us. I looked at M to see how she would react. I knew she and V had an unspoken competition going on for the number of times going through Antelope Canyon among other things. M was keeping a straight face so I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

      Suddenly the tour guide came. I realized that I hadn't put my hiking boots on. I also had a pile of things that needed to go back in the car. I didn't want to keep everyone waiting, so I told them to go on and I would catch up. I quickly got my boots on and took the stuff to the car and locked it. As I headed to find the others I noticed that I had left another pile of things I needed to put in the car. I picked them up and went back to the car...only to find I had locked the keys in the car. What would I do now. I couldn't take all this stuff with me on the hike. But I also couldn't leave it behind unprotected.

      I finally found that one of the car doors hadn't shut all the way, so I was able to get in and get my keys and lock it again. I rushed off to find my friends.

      Typical dream problems...
      Categories
      non-lucid
    9. NL- Rituals within a rustic cabin- human fairies

      by , 04-15-2016 at 06:29 PM
      I am brushing my long platinum colored hair, bejeweled with small diamonds and shades of three. Those around me became quiet and one whispered that my hair mirrored that of an archangel.

      It was time.

      In a rustic cabin, I have been preparing various magical concoctions- but not attaining what was necessary. Many practitioners from far away, stopped by to write their theorems on the whiteboard (I tried to read, but was unable to comprehend them- must have been semi lucid, but did not RC). I knew that one of the ingredients was milk, from water. The mother earth providing her sustenance, so to speak. But, every time I pumped the water- only water came.

      Eventually, a fairy that looked just like a human came by the cabin and held the copper/brass container- it flashed. I knew this was the answer (at least hoped so...). I took the container and placed it on the ground, below the fountain. I pumped the fountain and only water came. I tried, one more time- and viola.

      Milk.

      I am with others somewhere else and we had to use the hair of a fairy- for armor, I believe. But, in doing so, the fairy would lose some of its power. The young fairy who blessed the container was preparing to sacrifice her hair, when another fairy arrived. A woman, I had known before. She was much older and ready to part with her hair- having lived a full life. So, she let us cut her hair.

      After this the dream went elsewhere, with keys being given from the underworld to access it anytime- as those from the underworld had taken what they shouldn't have.
    10. The Last Human Settlement

      by , 09-24-2015 at 10:33 AM
      Morning of September 24, 2015. Thursday.




      Firstly in my dream, I seem to be living in the Stadcor Street house in Brisbane, but it eventually transforms into a much larger structure that seems partly embedded in a mountain, as there are rooms that are like caves later on. Prior to the shifting setting change, there is a young male that appears to have some sort of medical problem. He claims to have a toothache that is supposedly related to a headache even though the “headache” (the source being near the top of his head and related to a protruding blood vein) is somehow in his jaw. The male reminds me of a younger version of my wife’s brother George (Gyorgy). I ask him if I can help in any way, but he seems more annoyed by the present living arrangements than his continuous pain and potential nearing demise.

      There are two other people in the house who may be younger versions of two of our children (oldest son and daughter). At one point, I teach some Russian, but it is mainly only two rows of audio-based prompts on a computer screen and primarily relates to pronouns, including variations of “I” and “me”; “ya”, “menya”, and “mne”. Over time, I become aware of there being more people around.

      There is seemingly a nuclear explosion in the distance, but very loud in my dream’s immediate setting. When I look out, however, it looks quite odd, like narrow clustered columns of pink and orange smoke rising high into the sky in the distance, right on the horizon (from an unknown city). This seems to mean that modern society, for the most part, no longer exists. I notice our home seems to be isolated and within a composite of desert and meadow, with no signs of any other buildings. However, I still hear several dogs barking at the distant explosion, which almost seems to be a good sign.

      We now live in an unusual composite of large cave and house, though with a layout somewhat like a shopping mall, with a public court and an additional adjoining building or group of buildings. Someone (unknown) says that the monster can now leave - which relates to the nuclear event somehow or the fact that there are not many people left in the world for it to terrorize. A door is opened somewhere in the cave-building that had kept the monster trapped, and the front door to outside is also opened. The “monster” leaves on its own accord after randomly wandering through various rooms to find its way out. It looks like an ordinary warthog as it passively walks out the main entrance. There is no threat or drama or concern of any kind at all at this point.

      Later, I go to another building (part of the same settlement) and wander through the halls. I warily notice an unusual lump and weight pulling down the skin of my left forearm as well as minor burns and scabs. I realize I have something inside my arm. I carefully shuffle the hard object forward and out through the scar on my wrist (from my accident as a toddler) and it is a rectangular piece of thin metal, almost as wide as my wrist. Another similar object comes out after, which is like partly reflective glass of a similar size and shape (possibly part of a small mirror). The sensations and progressive movement are extraordinary “realistic” (though possibly more like pushing something under a shirt sleeve out through the cuff as I do not feel much pain). I feel my arm to make sure no other objects are in it. I “realize” that this probably happened when I was sleeping on a bed full of junk and the objects somehow got into my arm without me noticing until now (which is of course, a false memory as I do not sleep on a bed full of metallic junk, sharp objects, and wires as implied).



      I go back and give the objects (and a few other bits of junk I found in the building) to the leader of the settlement (who seems to be actor Clancy Brown). At this point I tell him how the objects perhaps grew inside me somehow with regard to chemicals in the air, perhaps. He seems only mildly interested in the event but still wants everything I have. As we walk through a doorway back into the building (no longer with cave features) I had been staying in, I see two fancy car keys lying on the floor just inside the doorway with some apparently discarded documents. They have an atypical appearance; other than somewhat floral regarding the shape on one end, very slightly paperclip-like in part of the form only. I consider that if I pick them up and keep them for myself, the leader might not like it when he finds out, so I point them out saying, “look at those keys”. The leader says, rather egotistically, “I’ll just take these keys”. His behavior brings mild amusement. He then asks me what year they are from as if that is important and I say “1961” but then consider that “1961” might actually be a serial number unrelated to the date (though do not mention this). (The imagery is curious, as the number looks the same right-side-up as it does upside-down.)

      In the final scene, I am sitting in a hall with several others of various ages. One (unknown) teenage girl in the opposite corner (opposite an implied perpendicular continuation of the hall) starts complaining about everything in a pessimistic and defeatist rant, and, even though there are only about a hundred people left on the planet, I tell her that I do not want to listen to her “f–ked up fantasies” (in the sense that they are negative and of no use, including trivial gossip and pointless opinions of others in the hall). From here, I feel cheerful and completely optimistic and ignore her otherwise depressing prattle, especially as I get the impression there will be a self-sustaining community expanding soon.


    11. “Consulting on the Nuclear Power plant – picking up my new car – TotM”

      by , 07-05-2015 at 08:53 PM
      05/07/2015

      non-lucid - Notes - lucid

      “Consulting on the Nuclear Power plant – picking up my new car – TotM”

      I am sat in a meeting with my new work-group, or rather I am sat with them and I am suspecting we have a meeting sometime shortly. It is at the beginning of the day and I am just hovering around really, I have other places I need to be in connection with my other project – which concerns youth and alcohol use (which is an actual IRL project I am working on) . However I have a feeling that I need to stick around for a bit as if I am expected to stay there.

      Eventually the leader of the project comes around, she is a darkish haired short woman, who is pretty and American or English I believe. I tell her that I am excited to be connected with the project (though I frequently experience a sense of weirdness for participating in a project for constructing a nuclear power plant, which is never really fully conscious and I don't verbalise it) . She smiles at me and asks if I know how to handle Sheila (a IRL colleague of mine, who is apparently also on this project) . At this point we are walking outside the office in a courtyard of grey concrete in the early hours of the day, there is a lot of columns around forming small walkways – it reminds me of the style of construction associated with my old primary school. As she is asking about Sheila we sort of move into the office, without really moving, but rather being moved, or the building starts encompassing us.

      Inside I see Maria has appeared (an old colleague from my time in England) who is also on the project. She is saying that she is excited to be on a project where “patriarchalism” (the meaning is feminism/social constructionism in the dream) is employed and that she sees that rarely. I replay “oh really? - I haven't been on anything else but these approaches, maybe it is because people preparing to become clinicians never really take this road?” She concurs a bit and throw me a smile, showing a lot of gingiva and then looks away towards either Caidee or the project leader.

      While she does this I get a lot of spreadsheets appearing in front of my eyes. They are interview questions and are getting closed down one by one. The first being closed is the most recent and contains a lot of questions and the more that gets closed down the more questions disappear. I can't really see the questions, but there is a picture of a black female student in the top right hand corner and I see her name is Caidee. I instantaneously know that she is a student helper and she has been involved with constructing the interview guide from the start.

      When these spreadsheets are all closed down we are starting to sit down by the table. I am getting anxious at this point because I think we are getting ready for the meeting and I thought the meeting wouldn't be till this afternoon. I take off my trousers under the table and look down at my blueish boxer shorts. I am briefly aware of the embarrassing nature of showing legs and start looking for my sweat pants – I don't know if I ever find them, but I start wearing them regardless – I then look under the table and see my red shorts lying under there. I am surprised as I don't remember wearing these, but I pick them up nonetheless and stand up and look at the table. I see now that Sheila has appeared so I go and sit next to her. I don't know if I will be able to persuade her in anyway or get to know her position in the project as the leader has told me about – in fact I am not even sure what I am supposed to do, but I sit down anyway.

      I ask about whether we have a meeting already now and I am told that we do indeed and that it is a weekly thing as well. I mull this over a bit until from behind me Christina appears (Old school/class mate) and tell me that she has received the keys from Saab and that they will be here with my car shortly. It surprise me a little seeing as I am not yet in a financially stable position and I don't know why I have already bought a car, but I think little else of it as it was part of the plan. So I grab the keys, which is a massive bundle, with a couple of car keys and 8-10 other keys and I wonder why there are so many.

      I start walking down the hallway towards the entrance and Bjarne (Old friend from childhood/adolescence) and Rasmus (Old school/class mate) appear along the way and talk to me, I can't recall exactly what they say, but it seems taunting or mocking. I get to the end of the hall and enter the lift I notice the button (yes there is only one and that isn't weird! ) is slightly broken, but I press it anyway and I soon find myself outside in the school car park, that is vast and fenced in with wire mesh – and seems more like a car park belonging to a large shopping centre than a school and there is a lot of traffic.

      I stand around looking at the cars driving in. There seems to be a lot of black mega trucks or hummers and I know that this probably isn't mine. I can't remember which kind of car I bought, though when a couple of silver grey smaller station cars and smart type cars start entering I get a feeling that my car is definitely silver grey, though I am still unsure about the type, but having a feeling that it isn't one of the completely little ones. A couple of grey cars enter the car park and turn towards me and park. After this a massive black hummer truck pulls in (which I think look a bit weird, but after googling “hummer truck” this morning I found a picture that looks exactly like the one)

      hummer truck Photo #06

      I start getting bored so I decide to jump on the bonnet of the cars parked making a neat little run/jumping course – and I am thoroughly satisfied with the sounds and feel of pressing down the metal as I jump. I start out with just common SUVs but I eventually land on a Porsche – which for some reason is covered in a fine layer of snow – and the car following that just before the massive hummer truck as a black Lamborghini, which stops me in my tracks as it is so low that I can't possibly get up on the truck – also I am quite surprised to see 2 such expensive cars parked next to each other as Denmark isn't a cheap place to buy a car.

      I move around and jump maybe 3-4 cars more before I think to myself “This is something I would do if I were dreaming”. So I look up and it all seems pretty normal, but I decide to do a reality check nonetheless. So I move my hands slightly to the sides and let myself hover above the rooftops of the cars.

      Realising I am lucid I start taking to the skys, which is a habitual thought and I quickly realise that I have more important stuff to do than goof around. So I let myself drop out of flight and land on the ground again and when I do I find myself on the side walk outside the wire mesh.

      I start walking up the side walk and start looking at my hands. The first basic task is my mission and I have already planned how this one is to unfold. I am somewhat excited though as I have never actually made something appear before my eyes. But I recall the visualisation of making a seed of light appear in my hand – a seed of love and light which I intend to plant in my chest and watch how it grows inside my body – while watching my hands
      (It is fascinating to think that within the dream world a mental visualisation appears phenomenologically similar to how it would in the waking world, as a sort of translucent image appearing in a distinct mental space – which one could easily hypothesise being occupied by running the “world simulation” that is the dream) To start out with not much is happening in my palm which is outstretched palms towards the sky. I see my fingers in a somewhat illuminated light and start focusing. Eventually I see a bright, but tiny dot of light in the middle of my palm and as I am watching it, it grows to the size of a water drop that is perfectly spherical. As I look at it it continues to grow and spikes and sparks start appearing around it leaving a distinct burning sensation in my hand as tiny specks of fire and ice are bombarding the surface of my skin.

      Soon a gust of wind appears and rips the seed from my hands and I panic and jumps after it. It lands in a corner where there is some grass, but I manage to find it rather quickly. I then go all the way into the corner to avoid getting disturbed by the wind again. I take a look at the seed, my hand still being illuminated by light that reminds me of dawn. There is no pain any longer and I think of the seed representing compassion and love, as I press it into my chest. I don't feel it entering and nothing abrupt happens. I turn my focus and visual capacity towards the inside of my body and I get a view of the inside of my shoulder, but not much more, and the bright lines of light I expected aren't really there. What is worse is as I am focusing my attention like this I sense the dream world destabilising – so I start focusing outwards. At this point the dream is gone, but I am armed with patience – I have experienced this before, I maintain my focus directed outwards – although I am also aware that it would be irritating only starting half of the TotM task and not see it to fruition (literally .
      (In previous dreams over the years experiencing this sensation would normally have led me to feeling disappointed and accepting the disappearance of the dream. However in one of the first lucid experiences since Ayahuasca the same thing happened – the visuals faded and I was left with nothing but internal and auditory stimuli – but here I just decided to wait instead of waking up and soon after I was pulled back into the dream world, albeit in a different spot than when I left)

      I get flashes of a white rugged wall, it is plastered and I reach out to touch it and I sense it with my fingertips, but only very briefly. I start sensing the light of dawn characteristic of the dream world I was just in and I feel myself pulled back in. SWEET! I am back on the side walk and I decide to not focus more on the seed, I had already thought about the fact that it might take longer to grow than within a single dream – planting compassion and love in my own heart will still be an interesting theme to watch unfold over time.

      So I start walking up the side walk to find a tree. I am however conscious that I would prefer finding a tree surrounded by nature, but looking around and having no experience with teleportation or portals I think I will have to settle for one of the trees by the side of the road.

      I find a tree not far away, it is a very short tree and the trunk of it is very strange in that it narrows a lot towards the top, almost needle shaped. I place my hand on the tree and it feels chilly, not cold to the touch and I can feel the texture of the bark against my fingers, very authentic. I notice a curved line heading diagonally up from bottom left to top right on a point on the trunk. There is some dark green slime around the line and I wonder if the tree is forming a mouth. The slime should look unpleasant, but it doesn't – in fact it seems rather natural. I look away and at the tree again and the line has widened, though also thinned out a bit. The point is the changes to the line isn't gradual but jolty.

      I think I look at the tree a couple of times more watching the line change, but it still isn't speaking to me and as I am about to give up hope and look away I hear a deep bassy rumble emanating from the tree.

      “You cannot, help me – even with your flatter and good intentions.”
      Astonished I turn around and face it.
      “but I can help you” it says.
      “How?” I ask as respectfully as I can muster, which isn't difficult as I feel very humble even towards this young tree standing amidst the concrete.
      “We trees see things humans aren't equipped to see” it continues.
      “Amongst our roots we keep closed the gates of hell”
      “Humans aren't prepared to see this – they would freak out – but we trees have watched this for ever.”
      (I have taken some artistic liberties with the sentences, for which I don't recall all of them exactly, though they were perfectly linguistic, which excited me – though the meaning of the words is represented exactly as they should be. I felt it more important to convey the intelligence, wisdom and almost all encompassing and physical presence of the tree's intentions directed at me)

      I thank the tree and wonder exactly how that is a help to me, not negating it – the message felt important to me, but I think I might not be able to fully grasp it yet. (upon awakening I got the feeling that the tree was trying to help me with one of the TotY – visiting the underworld, though I am unsure if there isn't a deeper more personal/spiritual message enclosed within as well). I take off into flight thinking I have done enough tasks for now, wanting to relax a little – after briefly considering doing the painting task, but giving up cause I don't feel like finding a painting at this point. However I then again think I might not have completed the basic seed task as I haven't seen anything grow yet – I quickly glance inside my body again, but don't really see anything – more a sort of translucent view of my shoulder again. And look outwards. The skies are tuning dark and I land on a rooftop covered with old roof platings. There is a lot of moss growing on the platings and I think it might be a good idea to conjure up more of aforementioned seeds so I start doing that.

      The seeds seem more vigorous and self determined than before and start flying out of my hand spinning, when they have reached an appropriate size. I still feel the burns of the sparks and ice shards. One of the seeds actually jump up the slope of the roof and enter a crack between one of the platings under a ventilation hood.

      I stop producing seeds and just look at the crack and wonder if there is enough soil and nutrients for the seed to grow. After a little while slowly a thin rolled up green leaf appears from under the crack and as I continue to observe the growth I see a sort of elongated cabbage shape take form along with branches with leaves growing out of the new little plant. It also starts forming a flower and end up looking like a mixture between an orchid and a cabbage. As I watch this unfold the dream starts fading and I wake up.
    12. Two Keys

      by , 09-08-2014 at 11:42 AM
      Morning of September 8, 2014. Monday.



      I am in some sort of underground chamber with a group of people. We had somehow gotten to the area in a van (going down an inclined road inside a cave or some such). At some points I seem disembodied but at other points I am more integrated with the flow of my dream. The main character, a younger male of perhaps about thirty, has found a large skeleton key of nearly two feet long. It has a texture (very slightly bumpy) and color similar to an old-fashioned black skillet and has a few patches of rust, the patches primarily of somewhat of an elongated diamond shape. It apparently leads to treasure and an ancient city where one may still be able to live and thrive.

      He manages to open a secret wall by using the key. The opened wall leads to the abandoned underground city and there is likely to be valuable treasure and even special foods to sustain anyone who travels into the region. However, some sort of geological events (including at least one geyser) are beginning, making it difficult to continue. Some sort of gas and ash, possibly volcanic, begins to be present in the area. The others are concerned about leaving the idea of exploration for later. The male seems to vanish after he goes into what may be an unstable area, possibly killed by falling rocks.

      It is then known that the key he found was possibly some sort of “decoy” and was not of the most valuable potential. I walk over to a rectangular rock that is somewhat diagonal and on a larger rock. I sort of absentmindedly tap the rock (as if entering a code on invisible buttons), expecting something to happen (not sure what) and a smaller rectangular groove appears and turns into a small “door” that slides back to reveal an oversize shiny gold key, also about two feet long as the first was (as if some sort of advanced technology was involved and built into the rock to reveal the hidden key with the right focus). The door is then gone and the rock is again seamless but with the key on the outside. This is the right key, so I take it.

      The cavernous area is filling with supposedly poisonous ash and one male seems to be slightly ill from the increasing toxic particulates (being more affected than the others for some reason - perhaps in having asthma), but we are able to leave in the van, deciding what to do about the artifact. Apparently, the key opens the door to paradise or even “Heaven” (in a different area of the cavern), but one person suggests it should be put in a museum instead and that seems to become the present choice (though by people not really in charge - I seem to be in charge now) even though it will lead to treasure and healing. My dream loses cohesion from that point though I get the sense of a room full of light being available to explore now.
      Tags: cavern, keys
      Categories
      Uncategorized
    13. Night 1, Competition#16: DILD, WILD, Sexual, Re-attemp Moon Flight but Fades Before Arrival

      by , 12-13-2013 at 07:53 PM
      Night 1 of Scionox's Competition#16. I actually planned ahead since my dream recall was fading earlier in the week and came up with a little game plan to re-focus on myself and LDing a little more. The night started off poorly with 2 short fragments and some insomnia around 4am.
      Fragment 1: Me and someone helping others recall dreams.
      Fragment 2: Company approves cat naps for corporate wellness program.
      Fragment 3: Getting mad at my son for seemingly losing his keys and telling me that he knows where they are at like he left them somewhere while out but won't tell me where.

      Full dream 1: I should note for anyone new reading this/via the competition that I don't feel that dream world adventures are unfaithful to WL partners. It's all a dream and you can do many things that you can't or wouldn't do in WL. Anyway, a normal dream becomes a DILD: I eventually got to sleep and I am playing a sport "one on one" (sport withheld for privacy)with K from WL and during one of my moves that was very exaggerated and with a surprising outcome I realize that I am dreaming. I decide to approach K all smooth-like and we begin to make out quite heavily. I have always thought she was cute but never thought of making a move on her for many reasons. After making out for a minute or so the dream unfortunately fades and I find myself back in bed and get up to go to the bathroom and return to bed and have a little more trouble getting back to sleep (not trying to WBTB-so not counting WBTB points, just trying to get to sleep). After tossing and turning for a while and some RCs to double check that I am indeed awake and not in a very realistic FA, I decide I might as well do a few of my shortened/combined SSILD cycles as that sometimes relaxes me and can create that small thread of awareness needed to WILD. This did not seem to take very long and something worked to drift me towards sleep. I got HHs of my wife cuddling up to my back like she often does in the morning before she gets up to get ready. She was also whining while kissing my upper-mid back and I decided, even if she really was I should treat it as HHs of a dream girl to keep my consciousness from returning to my sleeping body too strongly...nudging myself further into my dream body. It does get a little ticklish so I kind of push my back towards her a little and I think this was already my dream body moving because I started to get the vibrations Full Dream 2: (maybe ~6:45am) and then started to be able to see through my sleeping mask which moments before I sensed was firmly in place over my eyes. I could see my wife getting ready all nude but she looked a little different from behind and besides I do that all the time in WL so I decided to try change her into N's friend M. Her hair changed color and became wavy as well and her butt which I have never seen but it definitely changed to what I guess I imagine it would look like. I told myself she would turn around and complete the transformation. The rest I will put in spoiler wrap as it is more explicit:
      Spoiler for explicit:
      I admire my mind's creation for a moment and then decide that I want to go on to some goals and go down the stairs and out the front door. I look up into the sky to pick out the moon and find it a little to the right of where I last saw it IWL and start flying very fast but my dream starts fading possibly half way there
      and I find myself back in bed. I RC and attempt to go back to sleep but I am too awake and I see I need to get up soon anyway and I can ask my wife about the whining and kissing my back. She said she might have been whining a little the night before attempting to get me to roll over but not that night, so definitely HH a little before dream entry (unless she forgot she did this IWL).
      Categories
      lucid , non-lucid
    14. Floating along a river

      by , 11-07-2013 at 09:22 PM
      I'm standing by a light switch in pitch black darkness, and the lights won't turn on. I question whether this is a dream, doubt it at first, but then realize yes, it is. I have a sort of false awakening in which I still realize I'm dreaming, but now I become aware that I'm lying on my back in a bed in the guest room of my father's house (no resemblance to anywhere he's lived IRL), with his cat curled up against my legs - nothing's changed visually, it's still pitch black. I look up at where the ceiling would be and think about stars, and about a previous lucid dream where I removed the roof and floated up into the sky, and debate whether to do that again. I feel like there's something else I want to do here first. I can hear my father and his girlfriend watching TV in the next room and talking to each other. As I listen to them I forget that this is a dream.

      Memory gap - some time later I'm standing in a different room, again trying and failing to get the light switch to work. I hear the sound of my stepbrother coming home and going straight to his own room. This light switch has several different switches and dials that I can't see in the dark, and this time I wind up taking out my ipod and holding it up as a flashlight. I can see the switches and dials now, but I still can't get them to work, and then I remember that this is a dream.

      (Woke up at 5:30, half an hour after getting to bed. Back to sleep.)

      I'm going to visit someone I owe thanks, bringing a guitar to play for them. One of the strings snaps.

      At my father's house, some guy is trying to talk to my sister S., he's angry and seems obsessed, and while they're arguing he picks up a knife - not to threaten with, but it's the last straw, me and my father kick him out.

      At my mother's house, one of her former students is at the door with some friends, and he's talking to her about some technique that's recently become a fad. Everyone's very impressed by his expertise, and it's driving me nuts because this technique is just a cheap knockoff version of something I've been doing for years that no one's ever taken seriously, and this popular version is much less effective. We get into a really idiotic argument which leaves me feeling frustrated even after I woke up.

      (Woke up. Back to sleep.)

      I'm lying in bed in the wrong house, and some boy shakes me awake to tell me I have to go. I apologize and try to explain that I'm not there to do anything bad, I just got the wrong place, but I can't remember the word for 'place' in Japanese and have to fumble around trying to find a different way to say it. He gets the point but doesn't really care, he didn't seem particularly threatened by a stranger in his house to begin with, he just wants me gone before his mother wakes up. I walk out a back door that, aside from a little ledge, opens directly onto the river. The kid tries to correct me, pull me back inside so I can use the front door and actually leave, but I just step out onto the river and stand on top of the water, which is a normal thing for a witch like me to do. The kid's surprised, the water and the light are really vivid, it's all very pleasant. As I'm appreciating the vividness, I become aware that I'm thinking of this as a dream.

      I walk a few steps into the sky and start floating, heading somewhere specific. As I float above the river, I pass various people, and I start to hear a song, people are singing it. I pass two brothers sitting in chairs having some fashionable procedure done, a row of string sewn above their lip, to me it looks like they're having their mouths sewn closed. It strikes me as odd, but I remind myself that this isn't my time period so I don't have the full context, not for me to judge.

      I reach a roller coaster, and there's a man and a woman riding it, the people I've been looking for. They're also singing that song that's been going on, and the lyrics tell me a little about their history. She has (or possibly had, up until very recently) a life-threatening heart condition. Their song is about the possibility of fixing a heart only to get hit by a bus or something similar, and the way people think they have time. The guy, singing in English with an Irish accent, sings a verse about how if (some name, some guy he knows) died he'd be singing a toast to him.

      Song's over. Now that we've all met up in a dream, as planned, the guy asks whether we should wake up now. I'm inclined to agree, mission complete, but I think it's a little ridiculous to waste a lucid dream, there ought to be some fun we could have before we go. The guy leaves anyway, the girl stays. She says to me, "I have questions." I say to her, "I... probably don't have answers." She starts to say something else, but I become aware that I'm consciously thinking up her next dialogue for her, and that I'm waking up.


      (Woke up. Back to sleep.)

      Forever Knight-based setting, I'm Nicholas, and I'm being posed a question: between Janette, LaCroix, and an apple which represents my hope for humanity, I can only save one. What's my first instinct? I dismiss the apple completely but can't decide between the other two, which is annoying since the entire point of this exercise was only to see which came to mind first, without overthinking it.

      Scene changes to an Umineko setting - Beatrice, who'd posed the question, is annoyed with the way I've spoiled it, and she retreats into the other room with aunt Eva. She says something to Eva that I can hear through the door, something about how the only hope is the "good key (name of key)."

      Updated 11-07-2013 at 10:31 PM by 64691

      Categories
      lucid , non-lucid , false awakening
    15. Rock candy and classified files

      by , 10-27-2013 at 10:05 PM
      Fragment of a previous scene involved a boy covered in words and strange designs related to a demon (or demons). Now, elsewhere, his father's poured something over himself which causes his flesh to melt and transform him into the image of a demon. Another man speaking to him says "Why did you do it?" "Because! I wanted to know his pain!" 'Him' referring to his son. The other man says something to the effect that this was a very foolish thing to do.

      (Woke up. Back to sleep.)

      The words "If you could know, wouldn't you?" and a paramedic getting annoyed at a woman who keeps trying to kill herself.

      I'm standing in front of a checkout counter, looking at the rows of rock candy, picking one out and talking about nostalgia with the woman behind the cash register, the vampire who made me. I ask her how far back her memory goes, and she says she still remembers her mother. Talking about some other vampires, we agree that their method is much more sensible than ours, them being able to make more than one vampire, which is something we can't do unless the previous one dies; we can't support more than one at a time.

      (Woke up. Back to sleep.)

      Something about a 'Lazarus Door' for resurrection, and fog and some kind of danger.

      A car that won't turn off. The owner's already taken the key out of the ignition, and for a moment I wonder how it's still running, but then I wonder why I thought keys in the ignition have anything to do with turning a car on or off. We take the car into the woods.

      A fragment involving two teenage kids in the woods transitions into a sort of flashback showing the parents of one of those kids, back when they were still alive. They're both some kind of doctors or scientists, the wife has this mass of curly hair, and they're sitting at a table in some kind of office or lab and going over a file acquired by the husband's brother, while he stands across the table from them. The brother is "not like others," which is related to whatever the husband and wife are working on, and he's frustrated by working together with them, he's used to his freedom.

      On the file they're looking at, there's a stylized drawing of two humanoid figures, one with the head of a bird, the other the head of a wolf, and although the husband and wife don't realize this, I'm aware that image represents the two teenagers from the previous scene, who are "not like others" in the same way as the brother. The wife is saying, "But what's really (some word meaning something like 'strange' or 'unusual' or 'notable' or 'attention-grabbing') here is that the bird has a Double Hartford rank, ten pages in. I can't open it up."
    Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast