Recent DJ Posts

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Spending some vacations abroad, staying at a hostel. The room is pretty basic and has a futon on the floor. I am undressing and snuggling in the sheets and I slightly touch myself, not even a big deal. But the manager barges in my room, yelling that I can't masturbate in this hostel and I have to leave now. Then he goes around the corridor, where all other guests at at their doors with curiosity, shaming me saying he has video and photos of it and I am like "how?". And then notice there is a camera in the ceiling in front of the bed, as if it was ok to film guests undressing and all. I refuse to g«be embarrassed and I confront him with his brutal violation of the guests privacy. Now, all the guests are looking at him like "she has a point". I admit what I did and that there is nothing wrong because I was alone in my room and he is the creep who is watching people in their rooms. In the end he does not kick me out, even brings in workers to attend all my needs and allows me to stay for as long as I want and I demand he shows me and deletes the tape. But I don't want to stay anymore. I actually saw the guy getting an erection while I confronted him, so he is nuts, but I need to stay one more night at least.
Then I meet some friends at a sightseeing point, just outside the hostel and I am totally amazed how the landscape is a perfect mix of the view from my mom's house to my hometown and some totally different town somewhere in Eastern Europe with gothic bridges, palaces and gothic churches. The superposition is so perfectly done that I marvel at my own brain capacity to come up with such brilliant construction. I am half-lucid at this point. Then there is some heavy rain and flooding and I lose all lucidity and wake up.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

In the countryside, there is a lake and I am staying there with some friends. One of them is apparently developing feelings for me and because I am not interested, I decide to keep my distance from him. Literally, when he is on one side of the lake, I am at the opposite, and every time he tries to reach me, I move away. Our other friend comes to tell me he thinks our friend is depressed and he believes it is because of the recent racism escalation so he wants to throw him some lunch party or something and I find it a bad idea because his problem with him is uncorresponded love, but I tell him to go ahead, just don't count on me.

Then I am in the mountains. At a wooden cabin. I hear gunshots, probably hunters, which I detest. I go check on my dogs who are outside within a fence, but hunters sometimes don't care, they shoot anything that moves, so I fear for their safety. I see a couple Buddhist nuns passing by, and ask them if they've seen hunters around. They say they heard the shots and are saying prayers towards the animals at risk. Then some larger group passes right in front of my gate. The main figure is a Buddhist Lama and he comes surrounded by many monks, one of them by his side carrying a golden metal piece I can't identify. When passing in front of my lawn, the Lama grabs the piece quickly and drops it heavily at our entrance and apparently that means something important. They all come onto the lawn and sit around the Lama who is facing the golden object doing prayers. Then he makes some unintelligible prediction about a baby. Riverstone, whom I haven't noticed before was there, claims to hear something like a baby crying behind a wooden wall on our backs. It's supposed to be a hollow space for storage under a staircase or something, which has a door on the back that I know is locked with several locks. He is kinda out of his mind so he rips a board from the wall, not even letting me say there is a door. Inside this space is an altar covered in brocades and inside some covers is a baby girl that he picks up in awe and shock and brings to the Lama. Everybody is thinking of miracles but I know there is a door at the back of this pillar and ask Fernando S., who is also there, to check if the door is unlocked. He quietly confirms that it is unlocked. I get a bit pissed about the whole show, I don't understand the need for faking this whole shenanigan and I go outside the fence to the beginning of the hill descent. It's dark but I can see there are many other cabins and lots of activity going on, fires and prayers. It totally looks one of those Tibetan Buddhist settlements in the mountains, around monasteries and I think of my guru.

Literally I am telling the previous dream to Riverstone. I get to the part of the monks sitting at the garden. And he is so excited to hear it, just as he was in the original dream to live it. He is grasping for a meaning and I can tell he will be disappointed in the end. Anyway, I didn't reach the end of the story.


I am sleeping at some kind of attic at some family gathering. My dad, my deceased uncle Fermando and his wife are in that same house but they wanna leave, so my dad comes to wake me up to join him in offer them a gift before they go. I was pretending to be sleeping, cause I didn't want to be involved, but I notice them coming to check on me, so before they see me, I sneak out of bed and hide between an opened closet and remember I had more interesting things to do.
I get lucid and teleport myself to outside. Remember to do the TOTM but cant do the ceiling fan thing because I am outside now, so I go for the surf thing. I visualize the ocean just over the end of a hill nearby and I start hearing the water. I go there and half way walking on grass, the ground beneath me disappears and I fall from the sky into the ocean. Amidst the waves, I try to visualize a surf board but it does not work. I kinda feel it but I do not see it, so I catch a wave in an invisible board. Then i see some kids surfing. One of them fall from his board and I "borrow" it. They are pissed about it, but I tell them it's just to catch one wave and I'll give it back. But the waves are really flat. I catch two, but have difficulty in taking any pleasure in the experience. Feels more like sliding over flat water, than actually surfing, as the waves are so small. The last wave pushes me into what seems a small cave but then it is a room.
The dream shifts and now I am with kids in a room and they are waiting for the educator to come back. They say she'll put me in detention for making a mess. Indeed I am all wet and spread mud and water all over the pillows I am supposed to be sitting on. But when she comes in and before she manages to say anything, I sneak out and think I wanna surf more, but I am in the countryside again. I visualize an ocean bay and I head there. I am on top of a cliff where people watch beach goers down below. I then see Fernanda in a modelling gig shooting pics at the other side of this cliff, where there is some kind of canyon or canal and other people leaning over a rail, watching it. I ignore, because my goal is to surf again, so I turn again to the bay but it is gone and now in its place is a walk-in water fountain in a park with kids playing. Damn. I walk a few more steps towards the end of this park and someone calls my name excited. It's a friend of a friend (who actually does not exist in RL). I come back to say hi and she is very unpleasant, asking what I am doing here as I should be with my family or something. Then she has another friend with her, whom I never met, and she insults me too, saying maybe I am fooling around with some guy as I did with that guy in Italy while my boyfriend was at home. I did not do anything like that in RL, but in the dream I felt like I did, so I ask why this bitch knows about this and how many more friends of friends know. But then I say it doesn't matter because I don't know them anyway and I couldn't care less. I turn around to leave and they also leave still laughing and insulting me. I just go back two steps to tell the lady that I actually thought she was a nice person except for the part where she is a fucking cunt. They went down some stairs and when I look around I am inside some house again, seems like a clinic. There are rooms with patients and rooms with professionals apparently receiving training. I feel I am intruding but the patients gathering at some leisure room are very welcoming. Then I realize they all have back problems and are there for some physical therapy. I see something in the walls that catches my attention: intricate living landscapes. Each frame has divisions with small landscapes like lakes, ponds, ocean. You can see tiny rocks in it, mosses, algae, all real but in tiny size and most incredibly they are all covered in water that stays vertically in the divisions without anything holding it. Also, we are encouraged to touch it and make waves, make the water muddy, etc. Then I recall again my objective and I am considering choosing an ocean landscape to jump into it, but I wake up.

4th August 2020 ~11:30

Dream:

Near the end of a stupidly long non-lucid part; I was falling through a pipe, I was with a squad to take something out in a facility. But then as I was falling, everything seemed still.

I was in a void of sorts and time seemed to pass slower, the others were still here with me. It felt like being in water, and there was a similar visual effect. The squad leader, turned to me and said "you must pick the right one this time!" and I suddenly saw a vision of who to pick.

Then I was in a room. There were three guardians and some other characters. I picked the one from my vision. It was true that it was the start of a cycle that I was now breaking, at the start of this long non-lucid part I was in a very similar situation.

But this time I had picked "correctly". As a result, my consciousness shifted, I was now the guardian I'd picked. I noticed my hands, I had three fingers and one thumb. I became lucid but it came slowly, not like in the past.

There was no "aha!" moment or sudden shift. I realised I was in a version of my mom's first office room. The characters were gone, I think; and to confirm my lucidity further I grabbed a metal shelving unit in the room and threw it through a wall, fully expecting it to go through as if it were a ghost, and it did!

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, since I hadn't fully expect to be lucid. I decided to indulge in one of my fantasies and decided to become a giant anthropomorphic lizard. It sort of worked... I saw myself in third person, wearing a labcoat (my artificial dream sign) as an anthro lizard. But I wanted to be myself in first person, I get tired of seeing things in third person in dreams and so I willed it and then was myself as the lizard. I looked down and saw the city-sprawl below me. I had reptilian-like feet with claws and I could see I had an emerald green skin but it was not as dark as I wanted. I tried to give myself different sexual features but it didn't work either.

I was happy enough the transformation worked in the basic sense in any case and started to have some fun by putting myself against the ground and sort of rubbing along it for lack of better words. I paused and checked my hands again, just having a good look at them. They were hardly as scaly as I'd expected and this felt disappointing but I carried on. I remember noticing the atmosphere effect but oddly enough when I was standing I didn't notice the curvature effect of the planet. I was big enough that I should have been able to notice it.

While the terrain did get sort of crunched/destroyed/etc by whatever I did, I wasn't able to see the cities in any great amount of detail and could not notice any mountains either. I was too big I suppose. I could feel my tail at several points but overall the feel of my body was mostly whole/complete.

Spoiler for Self-indulged arousal:

Still, I let myself get aroused by my fantasy and didn't try to change this fact and eventually just started pleasuring myself. Somehow it didn't take much to get to orgasm and it was very oddly and easily controlled, even though its effect was not quite what I'd expect. The physical sensations were mostly accurate and I enjoyed controlling them.

After this self-indulging, I realised the city/landscape I'd been having fun on and with was really just a square section in a rather large room. At the edges, the atmosphere effect sort of cut off, it was interesting.

I was standing up and looked around the room for the first time; lots of metal pipes and dark metal things, like grates and slits where some natural light came through from. It had an extremely industrial look. As I looked around I still felt that I was very big, but the room's scale made me feel smaller in a sense, despite how much room I took.

My lucidity was fading a little and I'd become a bit bored, I didn't expect to end my fantasy so soon but this was obviously the result of not pre-planning any of this. I saw a character less than half my size, by a sewer-tunnel looking bit. I approached, I asked him "Who are you?", quite curious about this metal-flesh sort of monster, the look only describable as being drawn from many such archetypes.

He gave me a reply veiled in mystery, that I cannot recall anymore, but he did not answer my question in its most basic form and I didn't think of asking again. I got bored of him and decided he was quoting from something, but I forget what he was saying, unfortunately.

I looked around again. This felt so different from my previous lucid experiences. I was calm, and it didn't take much effort to be calm; the dream was far less vivid and detailed than other lucids and indeed even less than some non-lucids, but I appreciated this moment. I enjoyed not feeling my daily pain.

Then, out of nowhere, I heard a deep echoing voice. It told me "You must kill your brother, remember?". Some less conscious part of me, replied automatically "I know, I know! But not now." Before I could add anything of my own will, the voice spoke again to the effect of "Very well, he shall be kept alive for now." The voice faded completely and I simply finished by again automatically saying "Good."

I didn't appreciate this family-related intrusion into my lucidity but realised it was from a deeper part and so didn't really wish to alter it.

My lucidity may have been fading again but I decided to simply explore these strange halls, carelessly stepping over that square world I'd been playing with earlier and heading for a doorway on the opposite corner from where I was. There were many artificial warm light accents around the metal halls. I eventually found myself on a gantry bit and there were random people both there and on a lower tier. I played around with some telekinesis on some red and blue barrels, trying to lob them but doing so poorly at first. I started to gain a more intuitive understanding as I did it but it did not feel as "mentally driven" as I'd expected, having to move my hands a fair bit.

My form had been consistent through my lucidity, I still had reptilian traits and my hands were clawed now, I recall. A random human character next to me looked up to me and said "Don't throw them with your arms like a real barrel." Or something like that. I understood from this to use hand motions more. I tried lifting a barrel and pulling it toward me, having done so too much and then pushing it forward a little more with some related hand motions.

I tried to hit a person in the lower tier with the barrel but it didn't quite work or something. Then I went down some stairs. I was in a mall area and my lucidity was fading but not gone. A dream character was upset with me, he was some manager for the mall. "You're ruining everything with your lucidity!" He said, or something.

He was extremely upset that I was doing whatever I pleased. There was a woman nearby I'd somehow gotten fired or something (but she was all the more happy about it) and the man became angry and he wanted to have a serious go at me now. But I somehow just turned it against him, kind of willing some help from the woman and she automatically started defending me, distracting the manager man. I was no longer lucid at this point and had been letting myself go along with the dream too much. Eventually I just woke up.

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Edit:

Spoiler for Notes (in spoiler due to their length):

- Because I wasn't expecting to have a lucid dream so spontaneously, the whole journey through lucidity felt a little bit premature even as I was dreaming; part of my reason for continuing to do checks even while lucid was because I was having trouble believing I was indeed lucid but with such a different (lower) vividness compared to previous experiences. Ideally I need to create some scripts for "episodes" of what I'd like to do in future lucid dreams.

- The most prominent sub-conscious threshold crossing was definitely the part with the echoing voice. I felt myself speak in reply in a way I've never really felt myself speak before, where the feeling of what I was saying wasn't "mine" in the sense of my lucid awareness. The voice referred to the death of one of my older siblings (T); this has a context as far as I can tell, as I used to have dreams both about T dying and about me murdering him, when I was much younger, in my early teens I think. I have of course thought about those old dreams many times, but they had not recently been consciously present in my mind, so this experience was really quite interesting, but I am not too interested in putting any special meaning into it for the time being; I would rather let it manifest itself (the voice or context) again in the future and simply see where it wants to go.

- In the dream I did not appreciate this intrusion mostly because I prefer to keep family-related thoughts separate from personal indulgences and so on, in good part because of personal experience in waking life of finding it annoying. On the other hand, I did not wish to dismiss anything forcibly since I know that can be counter-productive and in all likelihood may just work against my lucidity. In the future I will remain more open to such intrusions and try to explore them to know if there is something "resolvable" within their contexts.

- The fact that my dream self after the transformation was wearing a labcoat was interesting, because I had not lucidly suggested this and when I took over into first person of my dream self once again, I was no longer wearing it. I take this mostly as a sign that my artificial introduction of it as a dream sign has become somewhat successful.

- I expect that part of the low detail of the (comparatively) smaller landscape and cities was due to both the fact I'd somehow made myself marginally "too big" but also due to the fact that it was a spontaneous decision, not allowing me to really try and imagine the detail as required. I have seen enough birds' eye points of views that my dream mind should be able to simulate the perspective correctly; it was mostly as though the details were blurred and unclear, rather than missing or incorrect.

- This lucid experience was radically different in feel due to the decreased vividness compared to previous ones, but what really felt different was just the sense of calm and serenity of my mind. Although I can't say I was thinking completely clearly, I was also able to appreciate the nuances of being conscious in the dream world in a way I simply haven't had time to do so in the previous experiences; by comparison, they had all felt extremely rushy.

- During the experience I completely forgot my long-standing desire to look for the blue-eyed black lizard, something else I should include in my "scripts".

- While I have been more mindful throughout the day to do RCs more often, I don't believe this was the sole cause but a factor in what promoted lucidity's occurrence. There are several things I need to point out to myself here:
-- This dream effectively came about as a WBTB, because after my first waking at 8:30 or so, I had gotten up, had passing thoughts about WBTB and as I got back in bed reminded myself that I was capable of lucid dreaming, I had done it before.
-- I am again on a combination of medication that helps my sleep be more restful compared to its native state.
-- On top of that, I started taking the B vitamin complex too, which has certainly made changes to my dreaming experience, and to a much greater degree than I'd imagined it ever would, if at all.

Dreams taken from phone memos from today and yesterday. Will try to arrange chronologically and make notes for each day separately.

---

7th:

Dream Fragment:

There's a high school context to the dream. Vi from my class back then, he was walking around with me, near my old home. We were headed towards the main square or the subway?

In reality we'd never spoken a lot, but in the dream we were talking non-stop for some reason. I was telling him about a god of war? And about a dark goddess.

Not sure where this fits into the dream but I remember some other part, relating to this goddess. There are strange cliffs, rock looks sedimentary; and there are scattered graves but I don't remember what they look like anymore. I spoke to the dark goddess I think.

Other stuff happens in between and all I have left is a fragment from the end of the dream. I was gigantic and a ten story building was only about ankle height for me. I was running somewhere, taking long strides over cities and hills. I avoided excessively mountainous areas. It was quite sunny and clear.

Some areas were under mass floods, because of the dark goddess? Something about her being angry. There were craters or abysses which the water spiralled into.

Notes:

- The irony of the last part of this dream is that this is one of my current lucid challenges.
- I don't remember what I was wearing, or if I was wearing anything at all in the last part of the dream, but in the early parts of the dream I was wearing my old cream hoodie, except it had a front pocket thing, which it actually doesn't.
- I don't remember actually seeing this goddess in the dream, but I have an archetype appearance in mind visually, where she appears sort of half-naked and has somewhat messy but long black hair. Has red iris eyes.

---

8th:

All sort of a continuous dream, but transitions and details are highly fragmented:

Inside some structural complex. My family is here, primarily siblings and parents. I remember L talking and showing me a few things around the place. I think this place was like a house L and S were building?

There's certainly lots of concrete to the structure, and some sort of carpeting thing going on. I remember a diffused sunlight from directly above. At this point I was in a concrete tunnel overhang with huge glass panes to the side. I could feel that the sunlight was coming from a diffusing rectangular skylight much higher up.

Then after seeing into a few different rooms and going a bit dark, there was a transition of some kind.

I was just outside the building I used to live in. It's daytime but not sure what the sky is like. Colours are semi-vivid. H is here in some form and I feel like I'm a small girl or something. I play around the cobbled area and then there's something about money. I was making 100 an hour by just moving some small 1kg bags of flour? But because there was limited demand, then I wasn't needed anymore, which made me disappointed.

Transition or cut.

Short sequence where me and H were about to play some board game. Not sure where we are, but indoors. Then all of a sudden, MB appears. I feel really apprehensive and tense, but oddly enough H is fine with his presence. I remember what I told mom some days ago in waking life, that we don't let MB hang out anymore, and yet here he is.

We play a test round of the board game and then I start putting it all away, in the hope he'll get the hint and go away. I am confused as to why H hasn't told him to go either. I feel on edge and like I could become aggressive.

Transition.

Some weird sort of library. Reality physics mixed with game-type physics. There's a very short farclip plane. H is here and talks to me about something. I remember a purple and orange haze and some bookshelves. I walk around somewhat disorientated. I remember going into a room that I could see clearly and there were rolled up bits of paper, or scrolls?

Transition again.

I was on the computer, looking at a reddit link from some support group forum for people with my illness. The reddit link had an embedded youtube video that had some furry characters on the preview.

The first line I remember either from reddit or the video description was "The inner drunkard voice of the characters we draw ghandara macrophylla". This doesn't fully make sense even in the dream and somehow I also feel the video will likely have someone with a really annoying voice, so I don't think I played it anyway. Passing thoughts about drawing.

Notes:

- I had to look up "ghandara", and the closest word I could find is "gandara", which means wetland(s) in Galician. Though it's a fairly familiar language, I didn't know this word specifically. "macrophylla" I know from plants, meaning large leaves or so. So that would make it "large leafed wetland" or something in a more literal sense, but it still doesn't link directly to the rest of the description text. I think in the dream the "macrophylla" was just a misspelling of "macrophilia" but it still doesn't explain the other random word.
- Perhaps the oddest thing about the video link was that I have neither used reddit nor any online support group for my illness in a long time. The rest of the fragment's context seems to relate more to the fact that I haven't been drawing lately, mostly because of how I've been feeling, but also to the natural feelings of jealousy that seem to crop up in me sometimes when the art of others is on show.
- In the weird haze library area, the purple and orange may have been a bit symbolic, as I associate purple to myself and orange to H, who was also there.
- When MB was playing this board game with us, he was being as irritating as ever, all the more reason I wanted him gone.
- Although I remember S was in the first part of the dream, I don't remember hearing her speak, which seems unlikely. That first part felt like the longest and the second part felt like the shortest.

So, outside of the dream, I should clarify that I was taking a nap while my dad watched X-Files on Netflix in the other room, and I could hear the audio in my room.

Anyhow, the dream started with me as Ant- Man and I was breaking into a building by sneaking in through a sink, and then a doctor was trying to grab me in the sink, and I'm moving around in the sink, the inside of which looks like a smaller model of the bathroom. I then exit through a side drain and enter another room, which looks like a small office, and then the dream shifts to me being outside and I am talking about the job I just did.

I then find myself in my house, and I can hear the audio of the episode of Xfiles my dad is watching, for reference it's the episode "Elegy," the audio from which I could clearly hear and make out in the dream while I was walking around my house in the dream. I had never seen the episode before so that proves that I really was hearing the audio from the episode in the dream since I was able to recall lines from the episode. Anyhow, hearing the audio I realize that I am dreaming and I go to the back room of my house where there is a large window with a view, it's become a habbit for me to look out this window when I go lucid because I usually see these amazing landscapes. As I approached the window, I could see green and I realized that the landscape was really neat this time. I look out and I see the city, but it's surrounded by a massive forest of redwood trees. I look around and the city is filled with these giant trees. I'm really impressed with how detailed it really is, and I leave the room to go to my dad's bedroom where I see him laying down watching a screen floating in midair, but I can still hear the episode of Xfiles playing and in the dream he's watching a completely different show. I concentrate at this point and can clearly hear the audio from the episode, which makes me want to listen to podcasts and whatnot more often when I sleep.

I then leave my house, and see a vacuum cleaner outside. I grab on to the handle, and find that I can ride it like a scooter as it propels me forward. I decide to explore more of my dream on this extremely fast vacuum cleaner, and I visit my middle school. It's around this point I wake up from my nap.

Ritual: I thought it might be nice to get lucid again, so I read DV before bed, though my motivation was considerably reduced when I realized that the time change had caught me unawares, and I was going to bed an hour later than I had intended! Also drank some sage and mugwort tea before bed. Those are the only relevant factors I can think of. WTB at 3am, woke 9:15am with dream.

DEILD: I came out of an NLD and started going over it in my mind, when it dawned on me that I had not fully woken up. I was in a hallway carrying a large package; to confirm, I tossed it in the air and sure enough, it hovered for a moment before drifting back down. It occurred to me that maybe I should take up the habit of tossing things into the air in waking life as a kind of RC. But it would have to be something smaller than a large box, something more like a coin or small ball. I produced a small black ball and tried again. To my amusement, this one behaved as if gravity were operating normally. Maybe not such a good RC unless I actively intervene: I tossed it again and concentrated on holding the ball in the air. That worked well enough. I resolved to spend more time in WL trying to move small objects with my mind.

I exited the building and thought I might try a TOTM. Even though I had just reread the list before going to bed, I now realized that I couldn't remember any of them. Thinking hard, I finally recalled the one about the dream guide.

"I'm ready for my dream guide!" I shouted. I've never had a dream guide before, so I had no expectations. I shouted a few more times until a woman showed up. She was of hefty build, with straight shoulder-length dark hair, and looked to be in her late forties. On the right lapel of her uniform-like black jacket, resembling that of a hotel clerk (or more to the point, a tour guide) was a name tag reading "RUSH." There was something very blank and bureaucratic about her demeanor that immediately put me off.

"Take me on a tour," I instructed.

"A Grand Tour?" she asked. Lately I've been reading about the Grand Tours eighteenth-century travelers would take in Italy, so I assumed this was merely waking life residue.

"Take me on a tour of Hogwart's," I proposed instead.

The woman must not have understood, because she started saying things about temperature and time that sounded like the details of a technical process—brewing coffee, I guessed. I was getting impatient.

"This isn't working out," I told her. Perhaps I should have been more patient, but she reminded me of one of those blank, automaton-like DCs that never have anything interesting to say. I turned my back and walked away, determined to try again.

"I'm ready for my dream guide!" I resumed shouting, trying to muster a sense of optimism. Nothing changed at first, but I persisted, shouting about five times before another figure drew my attention. He was a short brown-haired man standing next to a bar, gazing at me with a slightly amused expression. As I walked over, I was startled to see that he was the spitting image of Michael J. Fox. This perplexed me, because I have no particular attachment to that actor, nor did I recall having encountered his image recently in waking life. I remembered that in WL he had developed a terrible disease and I couldn't remember if he was still alive. This DC looked like the younger version of him from the 1980s or '90s, and his cheerful confidence created much more favorable impression than the last DC.

"Are you my dream guide?" I asked uncertainly. He replied with something casual, along the lines of, "If you want me to be."

"Let's give it a try," I said. "First, take me somewhere beautiful. Then, take me somewhere that I will find interesting." Since I'd never had a dream guide before or thought much about their proper role, now I was acting on the assumption that their job was to give me tours. In retrospect that's kind of funny.

As we walk out of the building together, he expresses a sexual interest. I'm surprised at his bluntness, but tell him okay, it's natural that there might be sexual tension between us, I can accept that. He seems relieved, telling me that many of the applicants ruled it out from the start. In fact, a lot of the essays he received closed on that note. I commiserate, noting how even from a purely rhetorical standpoint, that does seem like a terrible way to end an application essay.

We continue through a park-like setting, and as we descend along a wooded path I see a tree with several conjoined trunks. Emblazoned across it like a light projection is the name of a website, "www.tabu.com." I look again to make sure and the text shifts. "www.tabut.com." I wonder what it means. Is this in reference to the Polynesian word "tabu," the basis of our English "taboo"? [I looked them up as I was writing this and...seriously, it's a big world out there, how could these websites not exist?]

We walk right to the edge of a wide shallow lake. I realize we'll probably need to travel somewhere by a means other than walking, and let him know I'm familiar with some basic methods: "How are we going to get there? I can spin and teleport, if you like. And I know how to fly."

He offers another possibility: "See that brown line?" He points to somewhere behind us. I look back, and without thinking about it we automatically start rising into the air and drifting toward a brown line that runs across the grass of the lawn. "That's where we'll transition," he explains. We start gliding toward it, and sure enough, a moment later we are flying across a completely different scene.

The previous landscape was park-like, but we emerge higher in the air over a vast landscape. Distant hills, distinctive coloring, shades of red in the earth and sky. Everything becomes a bit clearer. "Okay, this is beautiful," I acknowledge aloud. He's definitely succeeded in the first task I set him.

We drift closer to the ground and I notice an odd detail: an enormous fence of thick horizontal wires strung between vertical poles that must be at least 50 feet high, stretched across a valley between two steep hills. There are only a few of the wires, maybe eight, strung in pairs of two. It would be no barrier for a person at all, or any earthly creature—it's so big it doesn't even obstruct the view—but then I see what it is keeping in. They look like giant green mantis-like creatures, clearly insectoid, but enormous. Despite the monstrosity of the creatures, the enclosure reminds me of a nature reserve. Are the fences for our protection, or theirs? Perhaps both.

I think about how my second instruction to my guide had been to take me somewhere interesting, and it would certainly be interesting if one of those things got out! However, I decide not to vocalize my thoughts or deliberately influence the course of events, instead waiting to see how things will play out.

One of the creatures catches sight of us and scuttles over, moving with astonishing rapidity for its size. It crosses several hundred yards in a matter of seconds. It pushes against the fence, snapping at us with its mandibles. It has surprisingly long reach and the wires of the fence are being bowed out by the weight of its body—they hold, but we have to dart away very quickly to avoid the initial attack. I realize the safest course is to fly directly upward, well out of its reach, in case the fence breaks. I can feel my adrenaline pumping and have to admit, that was definitely an interesting experience.

Abruptly the environment changes and we are back in a room that I think I recognize from earlier in the dream—but way earlier, the NLD sequence before I even got lucid. I realize the dream is ending, but I'm very pleased with how well this dream guide was able to fulfill my requests. "Can I meet you again?" I ask. His acquiescence is as casual and noncommital as when I first asked him to be my guide.

Some activities i did before going to sleep. When it was already dark at night i went out with my bicycle for a ride so see some scenarios. I seem to enjoy more of the awareness at night, and that helped me in my dreams tonight.
Then, before going to sleep, i meditated one hour aproximately in Zazen. That helped me a lot in vividness of my dreams and restfulness of mind in my dreams, at the last moment of a dream that actually helped me got lucid.

I fell asleep at about 3:00 AM. In my first dream I was at a supermarket. In front of the cashiers, in the same building, there were many shops. In one of those shops there was a woman who kept a tablet that was mine, she said for safety. I wanted to go in and talk to her but the shop was closed. Then i talked to a cashier, and she said that there was no problem that she would give me one (apparently she trusted my word). So he passed the tablet through the laser and she asked me for 15 pesos. I told her that was why i wanted to speak to that woman. There was nothing wrong with my tablet and now i have to pay 15 pesos for nothing. But ok i payed it. Then she bagged it and while she did that we talked about a football match of this morning (which nothing happened in waking life, actually before going to bed i was thinking about football and Argentinean team, something i haven't done for like 2 years). She asked me if i saw the football match of Argentina this morning and i said no, i don't watch football anymore. She was surprised, a man who doesn't watch football, but i wasn't surprised of her, i know that some people are ignorant enough that think everyone will have the same habits. She was with another woman, and for not being rude i said that i haven't watched a single match since Argentina lost the world cup on 2014, she said that she couldn't believe i (actually she did but she said that probably for my tenacy. I actually wasn't interested anymore, it's just a business, that doesn't attract me).

I went out the supermarket and took a walk in the city. I crossed a street and i saw my grandmother in a car, like working as a taxi driver. I go to the square (scenario i had seen in my bicycle ride before going to sleep). I was heading from a supermarket called Vea to another one, more close to center of the city, called Top. I don't recall so much what happened there. But after that i headed with my mother to a street where there is a school. I saw a small square and next to it the entrance to a garden (street mitre). My mother passed it but wanted to show it to me, and i pointed out that it was behind. She kept going anyways and we went to the end of the street. The building were each time more ... antique, they were like gothic style (the houses were like 2 meters tall, and made of stone, fine stone), and the place looked like a town more than a city. In a street there were some old men playing or washing and i asked my mother if she could stop so i could see them. She did 100 meters more and stopped at the end of the street. I asked her if she could go back. She didn't answer me. I asked her if i could drive. She was staring at me. I told her "It will be ok, it's a lucid dream, im aware" but with compassion (not with conceit like happens other times i get lucid. This is probably a nice effect of the meditation). My dream starts to fade and i find myself awake, but i stay still, thinking that i could return to the dream again. Anyways i was in a bad postion (not awful like other times, but wasn't good either). I thought about the DEILD technique so i stood for a while like that. Then i thought about writing the dream and do a WBTB but i didn't since i would remember the dream. I fell asleep again, i continued in the same dream, but i wasn't lucid. It was like the dream would prolonge for like 10 minutes. So i continued dreaming. We headed with the car to our left. We go to the end of the street where there was a river going down. I got out of the car and my mother was already with his boyfriend so i left them and went on my own. I got myself inside some ruins and jungle. I saw there was no escape from that point onwards so i had to go back and surround that place, go through a river "gate" and there i could continue. I saw there was a big stone, and water flowed below that. It wasn't very dangerous since nobody could fall there, but one could put a hand there. Anyways one wouldn't want to since there were a lot of insects there and a lot of moss. Suddenly i see the boyfriend of my mother coming and he puts a hand in the water and he drinks it. Then he shouts, "i drank some of the water you drink" (like saying to my mother) i told him that is not the water she drinks, this one has insects. He didn't listened to me, probably he heard me. I go back and im ready to go to the river. I was at the spot where the car was (i was to the left of that place). I jump out of some big squared stones and i see to my right (i was in front of the car, so same direction as i was before) and i see a beautiful landscape. The skies were blue, but that blue was covered with purple, orange and yellow. There were some trees, very tall, like 20 or 30 meters of altitude. It was like the earth if it would have evolved spiritually, with no pollution or anything like it. The tree looked like weirwood of game of thrones, but it was taller, and when i saw it and the sky behind it it was a lovely mix of colours. The place was the andino, at the end of Bv Roca, i was standing to the left of what would be that place. By the way, when i was coming down the big squared stones i thought about the benefits of giving up adictions, that it is neccesary, then i saw that beautiful landscape.

I am in front of my actual school, on the floor. It's so cold and there's too much wind. The scene is similar to Silent Hill, but there're no ashes falling. I see a friend of mine in the window, walking. Another friend is on the roof of the school, then she jumps. I don't understand anything and expect her to die, but she just arrives to the floor and continues walking towards me.

How did you do that? - I ask her. My other friend appears in this moment. I ask them both to stay because I feel strange and I'm scared. ''Wait...could this all be a dream?'' - I think and do a reality check by counting fingers, but it doesn't work. No, I'm pretty sure that I am dreaming, so I do a second reality check by pinching my nose. I can breathe and get lucid.

I tell them that this is a dream and they get angry at me. They start punching me and I call my subconscious. A big blue brick wall appears flying towards us. ''Why the hell is a wall flying'' - I think. Suddenly I find myself in my old house. I start calling my subconscious again, but nothing happens. When I'm about to give up I start calling the dream representative, but he doesn't either appear. ''I'm dreaming, and I know that I am dreaming, but this all seems less 'real' after waking up'' - I think while going to the first floor. I stare at the window of the living room and see my neighbours.I go upstairs again and find myself in another place again. ''I have to try LSD here.'' - I think and imagine how papers of LSD appear in my pocket. I take them all but nothing appears until I reach the top, when I start to see colors and 3D images.

When I open the door that's in front of me I am in a restaurant. A big modern restaurant, which also seems quite expensive. There's a couple having dinner, a guy and a gorgeous blonde woman. ''Haha you guys look so happy, do you want to learn how to fly?'' - I tell them, but they don't hear me, so I grab her with her chair and throw her to the street (it looks like we a are at a 30th floor). Noooo! - He screams, bu t instantly he continues eating. I continue walking and see a friend of mine having dinner too, but he's alone. ''Hey, what are you doing here?'' - I ask him, taking a sit. Nothing, having dinner with a friend of mine who's in the bathroom. - He answers to me. I give him a hug and wake up.

So I had an unexpected lucid after expecting it to happen during the night and giving up.

I was in my room and all of a sudden I realized I was dreaming. I don't remember the very first beginning of the dream. I was like 'Oh man this can't be a dream, it's too real to be a dream' but I did a RC to just be sure of it and Whops! How the hell?...
I felt the need to do something, and I felt my body taking off and I did a little flight towards the door. I opened it and went downstairs. 'What should I do?!' I went to the bathroom and thought 'Okay I'm going to try to go to another place' so I thought of this place I was so anxious to see, an endless green field with just an enormous tree and an electric sky full of planets and stars. I thought of it, expected it to appear and then opened the bathroom door. Nothing, it didn't work. So I tried again. 'Okay, when I open the door it will be there'. I opened it a second time and nothing. This time it was not the same bathroom, but some big public hot springs. 'Fuck this!'

I went to the living room and thought 'Okay, I'll try to summon a friend of mine', so I thought of him and expected him to be there watching the TV. I opened the door and he appeared. Not only him but two copies of him. 'The hell did I do...?' I wanted to talk to him but he was way too rude. So I disturbed the hell out of him and then woke up. Fuck you dream character.

After this I woke up into another dream and told a friend of mine that I just had had lucid. I did a RC but it failed, so the dream just went on for a while and then I woke up.

in the first dream i was in a kind of forest area with a river (i think)? i was reading a poem that was accompanied by victorian-style engravings. i felt that this poem/drawing was incredibly significant. a sense of nostalgia pervaded this segment.

in the second dream i was on a beach bordered by a forest. it was sunny and bright. i was recording a wildlife video with my phone. i recall swimming in the water while two swans followed me. later i was editing the video to add a title and credits. the graphic design was kind of 70s-esque.

when i had finished recording my boyfriend showed up and i showed him the video. soon we were inside of the video. we were both swimming with the swans when my boyfriend noted two penguins in the water. we were surprised that there were penguins here. these penguins had a large yellow crest and a dolphin-like beak. we decided they were emperor penguins. my boyfriend wanted to go closer but i was afraid they would attack us. i had a vision of large, fanglike spines on their undersides, which were arranged in concentric circles. this prompted me to leave the water and watch them from the edge of the beach.

i had a dream early in the night but i don't remember it at all. i will edit this if i recall any details.

later i am in the dining room of the townhouse. various people are here. i have gotten 7 or 8 identical tattoos on my hip. they are tiny outlines of men. i colour them in with a pink marker to make it look like they're naked. a girl laughs and asks me if it's my halloween costume. suddenly i realize that it is halloween. i want candy but i do not have a costume so i go to my room and find a pair of bunny ears. i put them on and leave the house (it is night) but i only get a few steps before realizing i've forgotten to get something to hold the candy. i go back inside the house. there's a long segment here that i don't remember much of. all i remember is that i was carrying a purple nightgown with bleach stains and i saw an identical nightgown on a shelf, which creeped me out a little, and people were discussing times? i went upstairs to get a pillowcase but for some reason went into the bathroom instead. i heard someone talking about slenderman downstairs. then i entered my room. i grabbed a pillowcase and put on a glove shaped like a bunny's paw. the dream ends here.

around 9 am i had the following dream: i am visiting my mother in an unfamiliar house. we get into an argument, the details of which are a little personal and so won't be posted here. i end up screaming at her, throwing a stack of paper in her face and leaving.

edit: remembered another part of the last dream. this occurred prior to the argument. my father and i were in an apartment with white walls; a lot of stuff was made of wood. the room was filled with blue light. there were parts coming out of the walls that created steep hills and inclines and we were trying to climb on top of them. at the same time that these represented parts of the room they also represented a landscape and at times they would become much larger in scale and look, for lack of a better description, like real-life video game platforms; at one point there was an elaborate gothic church on top of one. yet they were still components of the apartment.

comment: these simultaneous perceptions feature commonly in my dreams and often make it difficult to write down an accurate description. the best way i can describe it is that they add layers of depth to the dream world.. that is to say a table in a dream is not just a table; it may occasionally be perceived as an object that is functionally or structurally related (eg a chair because it's used for dining, a dog because it has four legs and is brown) or, if not fully perceived this way these sorts of associations will persist at a subconscious level and colour the dream experience. the mechanism behind this, i think, is an intensification of associative thought. i have experienced similar perceptions in waking life w/ the use of marijuana.

i am lying on the couch in the living room of the old townhouse. it is night and the room is lit by lamps. i feel very ill and feverish. my mother is here. she tells me to get up and go to school. i reply that i can't, i have meningitis and i should be in the hospital. she screams at me and we have a long argument. i am intensely angry. later i wonder if i am going to die and think about what my boyfriend would do if i did. (i was violently ill before i fell asleep which probably accounts for the focus on illness here).

in the next scene i am walking to my high school. it is snowy and i am with my father. i find an iphone sticking out of a snowbank. i ask my father if it's ok to take it. he says yes, so i do. then i am inside the library at my elementary school with some other people. we are watching a movie on a projector screen. at one point there is some starbucks product placement in the movie and starbucks gift cards pop out of the screen and onto the floor. the other people and i scramble to grab them up. they keep coming, along with some lollipops and -- hydrocodone pills... i grab several pills and remark to C.W. that i'm surprised it was legal for the filmmakers to do this.

then i am working at a daycare for disabled children. i am standing on a large circular mezzanine in a domed wooden building with a rustic/old-fashioned atmosphere. there is a matronly black woman here. later i am taking a bath while covered by a white canopy to research therapies for autism?

finally i am outside, on a beautiful rocky coastline. i am listening to a lecture about canadian geography from a disembodied voice. i sprinkle green powder onto a moss-covered slope which i recognize to be british columbia. the voice is now talking about aboriginal tribes: "our friends, the mogwai, are dead..." finally the subject of the lecture changes to buddhism. i don't recall what the voice said.

the general atmosphere of these dreams is unpleasant.

slept 11:30 - 9:00, awakening and falling back asleep several times between 7 and 9

i am in a large, dark house with some caribbean women who appear to be in their 50s-60s. they are acting strangely. someone tells me that in their culture, it is considered polite not to acknowledge strangers. later i am cutting myself in the bathroom (similar to townhouse bathroom) and the blood is getting everywhere. later still, the women and i are in a room with a young red-haired child. he keeps changing in size, from the size of an average 4 year old to the size of a mouse. he crawls around on the floor. the women are thinking of adopting him.

then i am in a "hospital", which is similar to the house in colour scheme. there is a lot of wood. i am a nurse here and i am watching over a middle aged man. his hospital room is a huge cylindrical tank with transparent walls. he is sitting in the far end of the tank, attached to many machines. he is wearing a sports jersey. i leave the room and report to the doctor, a tall young woman, that he is doing ok. she decides to initiate a different treatment. the tank is filled with water and numerous small, pink, swimming creatures. i go into the tank to explain the treatment to the man, but the creatures keep swimming into my mouth and it feels very uncomfortable. i leave. the doctor tells me to prepare a powerpoint on cellular respiration and photosynthesis.

in a fragment i can't place, i am at some kind of religious ceremony. the "church" seems to be underground and has a domed ceiling with pillars that fan out at the capitals; everything is hewn of grey-beige stone. somewhat gothic architecture?

in a different dream, i am playing with dogs in a park. it is hilly, with yellow-brown grass: beside the chainlink fence is a stone chasm and then a road. a beige concrete overpass stands further away, over the road, and in the distance, a cityscape can be seen. the sky is bright blue and clear. occasionally i see a massive red balloon rising over the city. it is very beautiful.

my final dream begins as a video game but the perspective changes. it is night in a cartoonish landscape; the land is pine green, the sky dark blue and full of stars. there is a little boy here whose pupils are shaped like crosses. he sees an area where the land slopes down, inwardly-curving, to a beach; but the slope has been separated from the level land, creating a vertical cliff. he realizes that he must push the cliff and the slope back together to save the other children. there is a segment of this dream which engenders a strong bittersweet feeling inside me, and repeats several times: the boy floats up into the sky among the stars, holding on to a red balloon.

slept from about 9pm - 6:30 am, longer than usual

i have created a picture of a landscape. it is idyllic: soft rolling hills and cliffs covered in green grass and criscrossed by wide blue rivers. the sky is black. i decide to post it on my tumblr. someone on tumblr whom i admire is with me and she encourages me to submit it to a popular art tumblr (god, this dream is embarassing). the picture i have made merges with other similar pictures to form a vast landscape. suddenly i enter into the landscape. it's very beautiful. the green land slopes down to an open sea, with cliffs and high hills far behind and many small rivers and lakes. the area is populated with thousands of teenagers. one of them comes up to me and informs me that this is "teen world". the teens are now deciding on how to govern their country. a guy goes around asking different teens their opinion. they all give noncommittal answers: "uh, can't we just do regular stuff? lets just chill."

then i am in the townhouse kitchen. i open the fridge and there are many different types of popsicles: cyclones, chocolate ones, and creamsicles. i decide to eat a chocolate popsicle even though they are my least favourite popsicle in real life. it tastes delicious.

1am-6am

this dream takes place in the apartment. i have just bought a new pair of jeans. buying these jeans enters you into a contest: the contest details are written on a pink leather square on the back of the jeans. i show the jeans to my mother and she becomes incredibly angry, screaming at me that the jeans are awful and i am stupid for wasting my money on them. i try to reason with her but she continues to furiously berate me.

i later had a lucid dream in which i was able to exert control over the environment -- although i have lucid dreams quite regularly they are typically very short & i am not able to control anything... this dream was different. sadly, i don't recall it too well.
i was inside of a house. something about the environment tipped me off that it could be a dream, so i performed a reality check. it was successful, so i ran outside of the house (rubbing my hands to stabilize the dream -- i remember i looked at my hands once and they looked normal, which i've never experienced dream before) into an autumnal forest area with many elaborate fountains scattered around. the fountains were all turned off but i was able to will them to begin flowing. i felt an invigorating rush of power. this is the first time i've been able to change the environment in a LD and makes me optimistic for my dream control in the future.

7am-9:30 am

i am in an unfamiliar house with three teenage boys and an older woman. at one point i ask the woman what the boys think of me. she tells me i disgust them with my insecurity. i have a breakdown and begin crying. i think i might have to go to the mental hospital.

later i dream that i am playing sims 3. there is a new item, a box that your sim can crawl into. when you click on it there is an option to "enter the dread cave". i choose this option: my sim enters and does not come back. the scene then switches from observing a video game to being inside of a real life scene. the box has turned into a kennel and there is a small black dog here. i put the dog into the kennel but it escapes somehow. i talk with someone about this and we somehow make the dog want to be locked in the kennel.