Recent DJ Posts

I am with Makayla on some city street (I think it is New York). The sky seems dark though the surroundings do not. There are constellations in the sky that are bright and huge, almost comically so. I notice one cluster that I sometimes see in the sky (*it’s that one that I actually do see, almost a trapezoidal outline with more stars inside); it is also exaggerated in size. I think or say something about seeing this on psychedelics, and Makayla hands me two tabs of acid. I take them without hesitation and chew them into a ball instead of letting them sit. We walk around and I think I notice my perceptions start to subtly change.

I am outside, on some fairly large dock (by the ocean, I think). It wraps around a building and has a few extensions for boats to moor. I attach a long mop head to a pole, dip it off the side and into the water, and start mopping. I go in long, vertical rows. A slightly older and shirtless man is walking this way, so I leave room for him to get by. I believe that the water has been dosed with LSD, and so too will be everyone what now comes into contact with the mopped deck. It occurs to me that I’ll become dosed, as I’m barefoot and walking where I’ve mopped, but I don’t really mind.

Undated:
Winter. Saw someone breaking into cars parked outside. I quickly hid behind the curtains but I was not fast enough. He saw, started walking around the apartment building, looking inside windows. We started turning off lights, triple-checking door locks, closing curtains.

---

Later that night:
Some kind of pretty vial, said to contain LSD. We come from another dimension and brought it with us.

---

August 4th, 2014: (word for word from paper)
Several dreams, do not remember them all. One of them was lucid, involved, being given shots for being 'crazy' because I had trouble talking, not sure if this was toward the beginning or the end. Floated around to maintain lucidity when started to lose it, gripped a metal object. Felt it, it was so real, cold, etc. Woke up at 3:40AM. Laying in bed until after bf left for work. Fell asleep again around 7ish, in and out. Saw a taxi from the sky, it drove into a river. Then I woke up inside a taxi driving on the road (snow covering everything in both scenes). I asked "Where am I?" and a voice out of nowhere said "[Friend's Name Here]'s House." and I opened my eyes to my bed. Vibrations/being pulled into wild. (I guess I got lazy at this point because that was the end of the page and no more notes)

I am in front of my actual school, on the floor. It's so cold and there's too much wind. The scene is similar to Silent Hill, but there're no ashes falling. I see a friend of mine in the window, walking. Another friend is on the roof of the school, then she jumps. I don't understand anything and expect her to die, but she just arrives to the floor and continues walking towards me.

How did you do that? - I ask her. My other friend appears in this moment. I ask them both to stay because I feel strange and I'm scared. ''Wait...could this all be a dream?'' - I think and do a reality check by counting fingers, but it doesn't work. No, I'm pretty sure that I am dreaming, so I do a second reality check by pinching my nose. I can breathe and get lucid.

I tell them that this is a dream and they get angry at me. They start punching me and I call my subconscious. A big blue brick wall appears flying towards us. ''Why the hell is a wall flying'' - I think. Suddenly I find myself in my old house. I start calling my subconscious again, but nothing happens. When I'm about to give up I start calling the dream representative, but he doesn't either appear. ''I'm dreaming, and I know that I am dreaming, but this all seems less 'real' after waking up'' - I think while going to the first floor. I stare at the window of the living room and see my neighbours.I go upstairs again and find myself in another place again. ''I have to try LSD here.'' - I think and imagine how papers of LSD appear in my pocket. I take them all but nothing appears until I reach the top, when I start to see colors and 3D images.

When I open the door that's in front of me I am in a restaurant. A big modern restaurant, which also seems quite expensive. There's a couple having dinner, a guy and a gorgeous blonde woman. ''Haha you guys look so happy, do you want to learn how to fly?'' - I tell them, but they don't hear me, so I grab her with her chair and throw her to the street (it looks like we a are at a 30th floor). Noooo! - He screams, bu t instantly he continues eating. I continue walking and see a friend of mine having dinner too, but he's alone. ''Hey, what are you doing here?'' - I ask him, taking a sit. Nothing, having dinner with a friend of mine who's in the bathroom. - He answers to me. I give him a hug and wake up.

NORMAL
DREAMING

Recalled this dream from last night. It was very vivid at the time and my first nightmare in a long time! Either way, i'm just happy to be recalling my dreams every day again I went to bed at 2am, waking up at 6am and 11:45

6am

1) I was looking after a woman at the top of town, behind McDonalds. It was late evening, probably 9pm on a summer day, as the twilight was orange and still had brightness. I was keeping her safe from her mental husband. Why I was given that duty, I can't remember. The husband hated my guts, but kept me alive as i was sat on a bench with his wife, presumably because he had a gun and might have misjudged his aim. He walked off somewhere into the summer darkness, and he kept saying that we should leg it before it was too late. I was supposed to shout when he had killed someone. Me and the lady, who was very attractive, started running. She had a nice arse that showed through her tight tracksuit We were running through an area that looked very similar to the entrances of my local shopping centre, but not exactly the same. She kept panicking resulting in her fainting, like on those old movies where they're roll their eyes back, swoon and collapse. This was just making it take so much longer and making us far less safe, which was frustrating. I took her through a carpark, where it was very dark - night time now. It was a concrete carpark, completely empty. Suddenly, we were in her flat. We were a bit more relaxed now, and there didn't seem to be a chance that he would come round. She was drinking a bottle of beer, which looked like Fosters Gold, and we were flirting. We decided to put a film on. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a cocking gun, and a load of loose bullets were suddenly forced into my mouth by his hand. At the time this was terrifying, more so than actually being shot; I thought I was about to die, as it was clearly the mental husband who had done this. At this point, I woke up to a sharp movement as I had been falling. I was breathing very heavily.

2) This was a similar setting to the first dream which makes me think it was part of the same dream, but I'm certain I recalled it after and separately. I was sat on the same bench at the top of town. It was lighter now, probably about 7 or 8pm on a summer evening, and the whole sky was orange. I was watching a homeless man talk about some band, and how "that was music that he could really rely on".

3)This was another very vivid dream, but unfortunately I only remember it during the day, therefore a lot of it had gone I was at a garden party of some sort, chilling with friends at a metal garden table. We'd been eating these multicoloured sweets that reminded me of those Maowam balls, but smaller. They each had a dose of LSD inside it, and were in strips of about 8 in length, probably 5 strips wide. I'd eaten a few, but wasn't feeling anything at all, when my other friends seemed to be. This probably came from a recent mushroom trip, when I'd eaten the same amount as friends who were tripping hard, but I wasn't at all, so I decided to eat a couple more. There were only 4 left now, and I ate all of them. It was sunny, which is a change as most of my dreams recently have been cloudy I was now in Magaluf again with my friends, where we all went on holiday this July. I don't remember much from this part. I think I was now tripping, and me and a couple others were gathered in me, tom and will's bedroom. I also remember some sort of argument or bad situation in the hallways with a group of girls. Finally, I remember walking down a path on the side of the road with Ashley, who was having a bad trip of some sort, which is the same as what happened on the mushrooms.

4/3/13

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[Alright. I'll try to keep this to the point. Forgive my confusing scattered words. It's taken me my whole life to master this level of communication... and I'm still very far from being the Master.

I'm assuming this topic is alright for DreamViews because it ties heavily into my dreams and general life.
And I'm assuming people here will talk to me as if I'm not "psycho". And be quite loving and understanding.
BLESS the ones who aren't offended at my words.

If anyone has read Charles Fort's works, they'll understand what I mean when I say:

In every truth lies the hint of what can be called fantasy, and
in everyone's yarn there lurks something of what can be called the truth.

Please keep this in mind. This is an experience that is a little "off".
It's an experience- incompleted by the knowledge of what it was I experienced.
I'm missing the right way to relate this to you.
I know what I felt, and I know what I thought I understood about it.
That is all. And nothing more. Like many humans, I am filled with pride and vanity.
But I acknowledge that I TRULY know nothing.
I am not claiming to know anything on these subjects.]

All times are approximate.

Please keep an open mind.

This is my experience with Lucy.

================================================== =
__________________________________________________ ____________________________
[Background]

My name is Austin.

4 days ago, I experienced Lucy, aka "Acid" aka "LSD" with my "perfect-for-me" girlfriend.

Her name is Alex.

I love this tragic girl bottomlessly, so much it hurts. But this trip was different than with shrooms.
This time, I caught a glimpse of one of those most peculiar facets of reality.
I caught a glimpse beyond the veil. I felt something else's presence among the two of us.
I think it was what the Alchemists and the Shamans and the Wizards and Philosophers
and Dreamers and Scientists and more... would understand as "Lucifer".

Not many people will understand what I'm about to say.
That is because what I'm going to say CANNOT be put into these helpless words. Not in these hopeless worlds.
Hopefully, someone on these forums who has experimented with altered consciousness-
Will understand these metaphors and will relate. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about.
I will do my BEST to explain them to the others who don't get it yet.
This is why people who are actually on to something- are soon discredited as incoherent or such.
What we seek cannot be put into words. The words will escape you like sand through fingers.
Reminiscent of deja vu. If someone demands you explain these secrets, it won't happen. It can't.
Experience is the only way. First-hand.

Now.

I believe Lucifer can appear as and through different things to different people.
But to me it was or was through the gentle and mysterious lover.
The fiery serpentine chasing me up the spiral staircase.
Lucy was the image in between the mirror. Behind the lights.
She was there- but not in a physical sense. The lights would glow brightly when she was close.

My experience with this "entity" was gentle. Loving. Harshly beautiful. With a tinge of dark.
A hint of mystery. He/she told me things through my girlfriend. Beautiful things.
The problem is- my girlfriend claims that I was lost in a trip the entire time.
Conversations I thought I had between us, were just conversations with myself...
Through my girlfriend. But I'll have to ask for more faith from YOU
that I know that I was talking with "someone" whether it was my girlfriend
or an "entity" of less-than-physical existence. It may very well all have been in my head.
But I'm implying that perhaps that's how this thing works.
It IS all in your head. But at the same time it's not JUST in your head.

Oh man, it makes you double take on schizophrenia and general insanity in the world.
What if one of these people screaming on the street are screaming the truth?

Lately, I've been having these reoccurring thoughts in my head that I'm somehow Lucifer.
I just notice all these similarities to me and the angel they call "Lucifer".
My cardinal sin is Pride. I'm a dreamer, a musician, a lover, a woman and a man.
I don't belong here and I feel out of place. I equate myself to a Lion.
I seek knowledge. It reminds me of the story of the Apple of Eden.

I have a STRONG intuition that I'll meet Lucifer on Lucy.
__________________________________________________ ______________
[Austin]

I was one of those "weird kids" you find in school... That never did and never will fit in.
The quiet, smart, awkward kid. The outlandish kind. But I've held on to my innocence.
Longer than most could- I still have real good in my heart. I still have that light inside.
I feel like I have a perfect blend of female and male inside. I feel almost superhuman inside.
But broken at the same time. Like something is missing. My heart is full, but my roots are dry.
But I have a love for horror. An amorous pulling to the mysterious. Everyone has these things.

But I'm uncontrollably thirsty for knowledge. Wisdom. The way the Universe works, in all her wonder.
I've procrastinated the ignition of my life. I've waited to begin my life-
Just to bury myself in books. Drowned myself in watery facts and ideas.
Pondered for hours on "reality" breaking ideas. Ideas that would make sheep panic.
Ideas that only excite ME. "Maybe the world isn't as boring as I thought," I thought.

My life works in symbols. Archetypes.
The boundless ocean. The mother. The Lion. The female. Green. Autumn.
The King. Duality. Trinity. Clocks, and Stuffed Bears. Dreams. It doesn't matter.
But it does.

I know about the connection between you and I. Through reading, experience with dreams,
books of esotericism, books of all sorts!, and simple observation. It doesn't take a genius to see
That there is someone pulling strings in reality. Watch those coincidences.
Try to find connections. It used to be impossible- Then it became improbable.
Now it's highly probable. I know most of you will take me as insane.
There will be one who takes these words just right.

Lately I've been noticing the insane improbable-almost-to-the-point-of-impossible amount of coincidences.
The Universe was talking to me all the time. I just needed to tune in.
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
[Alex]

She's the most interesting human I've met so far.

She has reason behind everything she does!

If she were an element, she'd be fire. She's a white Tiger she says.
Her taste is deliciously refined. She knows what she likes.
During Shrooms, I noticed something very peculiar.
While everyone else in the room tripped blindly.
She unscrewed light bulbs, turned things upside down.
I saw it. It resonated with me.
It was her act of defiance I think that caught my eye.
Her rebellion against the collection of rules we call society.
Mischievous girl. I understand she'll break my heart one day.
...
She grew up so fast. She's had a miserable life so far.
It beat the shit out of her. Her Mother is a monster. (Broke my damn side-view mirror that bitch.)
She never had a father. (He left before Alex was born.)

I've noticed that she does NOT attract happy karmic events.
If there ever was an unlucky human, it was her.
Her life hands her more shit than most humans would be able to handle.
She is hardened to this cruel world. The pessimist out of us.
But she knows things. She knows how it really is.
I'm wary of her. But just as wary as someone can be
of someone you love more than anything.

Our relationship is confusing.
At times we're like best friends.
Sometimes we're enemies.
Sometimes we're just animals using each other.
But when it's all said and done...
All I want to do is hold her hand and keep her safe through this lifetime.
That is what I'm here to do.
If there's anything that's real in this goddamned life, it's that I TRULY love that girl.
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[0:00]
We walked into my bedroom and placed two blotters each (piece of paper with LSD dropped on) under our tongues.
We sat around for a moment and began to feel excited and restless. Hence our decision to go to the local convenience store to grab a drink for the trip.
We smoked a bowl and headed down the hallway to go outside.
"Do you want to drive?" I dangle my Miku anime-keychain.
"Mmm... Yes!" I barely offer it, but she barely ever accepts. I become aware of the symbolism in that.

(throughout that day, I had seen the theme of "Lucifer"
sowing itself in and out of the tapestry of reality. Through coincidence. Shit happens, you know, but you'll start to notice that a great deal of that "shit"'s probability doesn't match up with the general idea of probability that society has built. Too many coincidences to be without an explanation. Too much smoke to be without a fire. I'd see pictures on Tumblr of serpents and horns- I'd see references to the Bible and things like that- but there was just so much of it today, more so than usual.)


Pulling up, I asked my girlfriend, "Do you know the story of The Garden of Eden?" ...
"Yeah, I know about that story." She humors me.
"Well... sh-should I trust him? I know I'll have to meet him eventually..."
"I don't know..." She knows.
"Huh." I drop it.

I know she doesn't understand my curiosity. I accept it's just one of our differences.

We grab our drinks- 2 thirst busters, and a pink powerade for me and a blood red powerade for her.

When we get back to the house, giddy and excited, we metaphorically "stumble" through the door.
I mean by that- that we were a little "off" by now. It had been 30min. We were walking perfectly fine.
Talking a little strangely... but perfectly functional. Just a little "different" and "strange".

__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
[0:35]
As we walked back in the room and shut the door, she unloaded a pocketful of things and change.
I pointed it out to her that she was becoming a little more like me.
"It's because I love you." It made sense. I picked up a lot of her traits at times too.

We sat on my bed and loved on each other a little. Tickles, talking, touching, pictures, videos.
It was about an hour through, that we started to feel a little more than just "stoned."
The first stage was the breaking of the shell. The realization that there's more to "you" than just "you."
I watched the clock and became the clock. My awareness controlled how I existed.
Visuals were normal. If a little more relaxed. "Diffused" is a good word. "Unfocused".

I stayed consciously aware of what I was feeling constantly. It was creeping up pretty slowly- but it wasn't anything like I had felt before.
I could "feel" it coming on, as I could with other things. It felt like... a drop-off. A cliff.
It felt like I was hanging off the side of a great cliff, dangling over the abyss from a rope.
Alex told me several times throughout the trip that that's how I "felt", as if she could feel what I felt too.

We immediately went to work with our music playlists that we had planned out. I'm usually the one who spends time thinking about the future (making playlists for acid trips is a good example of this), but Alex surprised me this time by being prepared. Notice this coincidence.

She listened to her music first. Of Monsters and Men. The Head and the Heart. Modest Mouse. Bright Eyes.
Amazing music. But it left me wanting something more familiar.

On to my music. I felt around with my ears the following: Gorillaz, The Beatles, Vampire Weekend, Arcade Fire, Radiohead, Panic! At The Disco...

Oh, such beautiful things tucked away neatly in these songs. A word to the wise:
Alot of these bands know what they're talking about. They know what I'M talking about.
It's all in the music that we listen to- secrets. But remember that words can't describe what I've seen.
But music is a better language for something like this.

Take note that "Lucifer" is constantly associated with things such as "light, music, beauty, etc".

Well back to the trip. By this point, another hour has passed. I had been on the brink of tears countless times now from what I'd seen
and momentarily forgotten.
(Amnesia sucks. I have reason to believe my human is plagued with holey memory. I hope to one day find out why. Probably heavy fluoride in the pineal gland.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[1:15]
Now, me and Alex just wanted to talk again.

She told me about what laughter was for.
She told me that:
"Love is strange- If you get too filled up with that wonderfulness [love], it'll make you sad. You need to let it out every once in awhile.
It's meant to be shared."

My god! Right in front of our eyes. Laughter was the human mechanism for sharing love with the world. The letting out of steam.
It was biological as much as it was just... oddly metaphysically organic. I mean by that... ... no. I'll have to leave that one for you. It's a mechanism of my higher-self as much as it is my human.

"If you start to feel sad... it's because you need to let it out. Share it." If there's one thing I held on to throughout my trip, it was this.

Countless times I felt that well of sadness rising up. I pushed it down by laughing at how wonderful everything was. I just looked around.
I laughed at how crazy I was for thinking I was talking to the devil. I laughed at how impossibly-obviously it presented itself to me.
I laughed at how all of my favorite bands had all of the answers to my questions- but in code.
I laughed at how awkward my soul piloted my human. I would lean into kiss my lover, and land somewhere else and just laugh.
I laughed at how perfect she was. How she always found the perfect thing to say to me. It was like a storybook. Like a dream.
Like I had always wished and wished for. She completed me, like a puzzle piece. How curious.



My soul wasn't very good at integrating me into society, in general, I observed.
I just have never understood the importance of fitting in. Never in my life.
If I had a finger to point... it would be at my soul.
From what I understand...
He should be the one who deals with matters spanning over the 4th dimension... over and outside of time.

But...
I am him. I just sometimes forget.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[1:45]
Alex.

She was different now. She was still her. But now with a mischievous grin. Cheshire was smiling through my love's face.
She walked like a Goddess, like a perfect little hipster indie kid. (I think that's what I would incarnate as if I were Lucy.) [I'll call her Lucy.]
She pointed to my antique clock and told me the face was the surface of a pond. She was pointing at my symbols. She knew what it meant to me. She knew I had always equated myself with the element water. She knew my personality was watery in itself.
"It's like a dirty pond with scattered numbers."
She knew about my shaky relationship with time.
The pond represented me.

She got up and stretched. "Man, all this damn water." ...again, referring to ME.
As if she had finally seen the real me.
She said it as if just arriving there to that moment in time, before flashing me a grin.
Again, I got the impression of being in the presence of a Goddess- in the flesh. She knew I knew.

She analyzed my life so far and hit every nail on the head. With such grace and the perfect hint of mystery to keep me there. She talked about my innocence and my attachment to my inner child.
I have a stuffed animal, a tattered old bear- she told me that my child was beaten up.
My innocence was hurt.

I think I feel the need to use the word "her" because I was still clinging on to egos. I was afraid to be one with this. All the warnings.
All the damn warnings from humanity. Avoid the one they call the devil. I struggled within myself against it.

"It's like a bunch dolls in a dollhouse." She referred to the bodies we inhabited.

At this point- my mind was so far in the "strange". My nerves and senses were totally "not-normal".
I didn't think of it as, "Sight" or "Hearing" or "Feeling"... it was more of a five-pronged color wheel of general sensation manifesting itself as a big picture. I mean... My senses began to blur into one sense.

And the trails. Oh my... There was a mesmerizing soft blur behind any sort of movement.

I also began to notice catching weird alien thoughts in my own head. I felt like I was tuning in on Alex's thoughts.
I STILL can't figure out who it really was that first wanted that cigarette. Also...
I would look at Alex with a question and she would verbally respond.
Me and Alex began to slowly realize something. Not that we were melding consciousness. But that we already were one consciousness.
I was getting my first understanding of what "Duality" and "Unity" truly meant.

I spoke incoherently, akin to Jack Sparrow. I was trying to grasp an idea.
It was being relayed to me from outside of my head, that's for sure.

But here's a metaphor to help you understand what I mean.
Sometimes, if you stare directly at something...
It vanishes.
But if you learn to look with the corner of your eye.
You might get a better glimpse.

If I thought too hard at an idea, it would run away.
Same with Lucy/Lucifer. If we chased after her, she would vanish.
She would stop amusing us. She had a tendency to sneak in and out of our trip.

And then something happened... she tried to get me to kiss her. She had that devilish look in her eye.
I... recoiled. I subconsciously knew that what I was dealing with was indeed very heavy. It meant something.
And I needed to be perfectly conscious so I could make a decision. These cautious thoughts were definitely mine.

I know what LSD can do to you. You have to keep your mind clear and empty or else you'll convince yourself of something.
I decided that this vision or feeling of dancing with the devil was TOO persistent to be a simple delusion.
I might be an odd human, but I know that these was DEFINITELY something more to this than delusion.
Truly, there's some truth in my yarn. But I kept a clear head so that I would feel the feelings as they came.

I was forced to make a decision of a life time. If I went through with this, I had a feeling my life would never be the same. But my life was always so boring... I kind of ached for it, you know?

Vampire Weekend summed it up perfectly:

"It’s not right but it’s now or never
And if I wait could I ever forgive myself? "

I finally kissed her back, pushing through my hesitation. It WAS just my girlfriend.
I kiss her all the time. But this time it was mixed-up, fearful, and hesitant.
We lost ourselves in our slow kisses for awhile. And suddenly...
for JUST a moment, I woke up from the Matrix that we live in.
I realized in that moment that I was NOT my body... or even my mind, for that matter.
Whatever I really was, it was "green" and "bright" and "vibrant" and "full of love".
She was more "grey" and "scarred" and "hopeless" but "wise" and "full of texture"
The best way I can describe what it felt like... I was an amorphous living "thing".
A giant changing organism of "light". I felt MYSELF (I'll capitalize when I refer to our higher self.)
brushing up against my lover... in an alien landscape, in alien bodies. It was more beautiful than anything you've ever experienced.
It was scarring to someone who wants to remain ignorant. I now knew.

She knew I had finally seen the true HER. SHE was disfigured and bruised from the horrors and disappointments of her lives.
I held her body close and radiated an infinite love that she had never felt before. She knew I knew. She knew I loved her regardless.
I didn't get to see any specifics, but I know that we've known each other intimately besides this life. Same with all the people in my life.

We cuddled for a little and loved each other. I accepted every little part of her, and she accepted every little part of me.

__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[2:00]
We laid in my bed and stared around my room. It was as if I was my soul, checking up on my human. My room was a wreck.
Disorganized and messy. I scolded myself. My eyes caught all these symbols that I would have never caught.
I looked at my long hair and saw my female trying to claw her way out. She was desperate to be seen and pet.
It was tragic. I felt a little drunk- by that I mean that drunken feeling of trying to walk. A great happy cheerfulness filled me
despite my slight lack of coordination.

I had to go to the bathroom though... I was afraid to be away from Alex, so I hesitated...
"I REAAAALLY need to goooo."
"Okay, I'm going now."
"Alright baby, here I go."
"I NEED TO PEEEE."
(I said all of those... probably 20 seconds apart. Stalling.)

I worked up the courage to break away. I drifted like a ghost down the hall.
Once in the bathroom, I got on my knees and peed close to the toilet (a strange habit I'd picked up years ago).
I got up, and checked myself out in the mirror. My pupils were huge. I could see my soul showing through my eyes.
It was beautiful. I always thought that was beautiful. Enlarged pupils are subconsciously attractive to me.
Then I returned to Alex. We were both thinking about the same thing now. Ourselves.

We both stared at our vessels with self-love. She began to talk again,
"You know... I never really got why people are so against this." I knew she was referring to our self-love.
"If you have what you have, what's the point in Not loving it?" -She continued while eyeing herself with love and a hint of lust.
I did the same.

Sometime throughout the trip, I stripped naked and watched my body closely.
It was so... gorgeous. My male and female energies were so balanced.
I marveled at my body's hips and legs, and my shoulders and eyes.


(I'd always had a deeply ingrained disgust with egoists.
Egotistical people had always disgusted me. They were never going to grow, because they were so weighed down by their own empty weight. My religious Dad pointed out that I had pride in my eyes, countless times through my childhood. He made sure I knew it was wrong.)

(But... I couldn't find an argument to this one. I had always thought myself and Alex to be extremely attractive.
In a different kind of way than what society could see. I would walk by a group of girls, flicking on a switch inside.
I would think confident feelings, I would KNOW that I was sexy... and the girls would always look my direction and blush.
I had that power. Everyone does. And if it's already there... It's just a matter of turning it on.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[2:30]
Alex had to go pee next. It had been 2 1/2 hours now. She left to go to the bathroom...
But I found myself following close behind, as if I were going to the bathroom as well.
As if we were going to share that experience. I paused and realized that I couldn't follow her in there.
She chuckled at me and left.

I realized I still needed to pee! I normally was very "good" at holding my bladder.
But this time felt different. Seconds had passed since Alex left the room.
"I don't think I can wait." I said to myself, alone in my room.
I panicked when I thought that perhaps Lucy had something to do with my bladder un-control.

Then I realized it. I wasn't feeling MY need to pee. I was feeling Alex's need to pee.
I had already pissed. Now it was her turn.
Only catch.
I was going to experience her turn.

When it finally dawned on me what was going on...
I began to squirm and struggle to hold in my bladder-
While I was experienced pee-ing.
I could feel it so clearly. It felt good~
But I was unable to enjoy the relieving feeling due to my panic.
It reminds me slightly of orgasm, but just a hint.
I'm proud to say, that I LSD didn't make me piss

I continued to squirm, until she was done.
Then I walked out of my room and met her at the door to explain.
She grinned at me.

__________________________________________________ _________________________________
[3:30]
At about 3 1/2 hours.
We fell into the bed again, and fell entranced by my ceiling light.
It broke my popcorn ceiling into a crystal kaleidoscope.
It began to glow intensely. We lied there in that room staring at that light forever.
It was so fucking beautiful. I could tell that there was something "more" to the light.
There was something "behind" the light. "Inside" it. "Outside" of it...
Wait no... There's no word for it. "Within" would be the best fit.

Lucy was close-by. The light vibrated. The ceiling crawled.
The room came to life. We were coming to a peak of the trip.
Alex snapped me out of it.
"Don't let it take you away."
What a strange thing to say, I thought.
I'm sure she knew what I felt.
But I looked away and broke the spell.

Our gazes returned shortly after.
She gasped- "I can see your heartbeat in the ceiling."
Both of our jaws dropped. It was true. The light was pulsating to my heart.
We were pushed back against the wall and the bed... HARD.
But it was because of how incredibly beautiful and powerful it was.
The entity.
... ...
She joked for the third time, "If this is the peak, I'd still be disappointed."
I laughed at that challenge to Lucy.

We sat up from our bed, feeling like we had lived an eternity in moments.

The green curtains had crawling vines. If you relaxed your eyes on them, they would move like crazy.
I could also see aura around Alex. Her's was red.
She told me mine was a bright green.

By now, we had abandoned words for the most part. We both realized how much easier it was
to communicate in "soul-speak", in thought, and in feeling.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[4:30]
We walked outside. Oh. My. God.

"There's a world out here..." We both gasped. We were coming down fast.

But that one moment when I first experienced nature... our SUN, the neighborhood.
I will never forget it. It made me gasp in my female's voice. It was THAT powerful.
I was powerfully aware of our position in the solar system. That big glowing thing in the sky...
It's in a very basic sense: "Alive".

Fire is... "Alive." Plants and animals... they're "alive and conscious".

My only metaphor for this... would be...
There's these Mexican candies... I forget their name...
But it's a plastic container, with this spicy/sour chile mango
Squishy candy inside.
You squeeze it out through the top and it comes out in strands.
Like squishy red grass.
The inside of the container is primal life. Life in it's most basic form. Before it's manifested in this world.
When it's squeezed out, it seperates into egos and distinctions. Each little blade is a different manifestation of the same thing.

(Matter is alive too, just vibrating at a different level. But I digress- back to the trip.)

My lover and I sat beautifully in our bodies. I followed her to a spot in the shade, out of the morning sun where we found our perch. Watching the school children and other humans waking up, and going to school and work.
We sat there and watched, understanding that they may never know the things we know.
They may go their whole lives and never see the truth.
I began to grow nervous that people were walking about as, well, we were tripping balls in my front driveway.

I shook it off, "Ah fuck it. A school bus of children could pass by for all I care."
A school bus passed 6 seconds later. Me and Alex eyed each other and knew that Lucy was still with us.

We had a conversation between a human God and Goddess in my front yard about the tops of trees.
She pointed to the top of the pine tree before us.
"You know, the tops of trees are my favorite parts of trees." She spoke softly.
I thought to myself of whether there was symbolism in what she said.
She paused before saying, "It matters."

She reminded me of plants. I had always wanted to communicate with one. I cupped in my hands a yellow flowered weed next to me, and I closed my eyes. I felt something. But not very strongly. I felt impatient.

"You want to go inside, don't you?" I had a feeling.
"Yeah..."
"Well... can we wait out here for just a second?"
"Yeah, as long as you want."
But I couldn't fully enjoy it, now that I knew she wanted to go inside.
I asked one more question... It was aimed at Lucy AND Alex.
"You aren't going leave me... are you?" The insecure little girl I had once been was asking.
I began to tear up and almost cry at the thought of being disconnected from this in the future.
I don't remember her answer. But it was good. I remembered to laugh, so I wouldn't be sad.
So we got up and walked inside.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________
[6:00]
It was approximately 6 hours into our trip, more or less.
Lucy was still here, but in a less HERE way.

(INTERJECTION: The overwhelming clarity of LSD is so strange to experience, in stark contrast to the drug propaganda out there. Do not listen to your government on matters like this. You have to trust your heart on this to know if you're ready for something like this. I was ready. I've been waiting for this day my entire life.)

Now I wasn't talking directly to Lucy. I was talking to just my Alex.
She noted that I had been talking "past her" for the past few hours.
That I had, in reality, been lost in a sort of trip. But I know what I experienced.
I have faith in it. And I will not let the world shake it out of me like they do to the rest of us.

Back to the experience. I confronted another demon of mine.
My occasional lack of passion. My lack of red and orange and yellow.
My lack of masculine energies.

Alex was calling me to her. She stretched her beautiful body in my bed, like a cat.
I knew her body wanted mine. I knew her animal ached for mine.
But I am not the normal male. Not the normal man.
I didn't feel like a wolf ready to take control.
I was unsure and awkward. I felt wrong every time I tried to force a passionate kiss.
I couldn't fake passion. So I sat there awkward.

I don't know how many Panic! At The Disco songs I heard before it happened.
(Panic! was playing on shuffle the first time we made love.)

She took control. She pushed me against the bed. She has what I don't have.
I tried to fight back... but she was too strong for me.
I quivered and moaned like the female I felt.
She touched my body and made me feel powerless.
I began to tear up in fear and quiet submission.
Oh, it was then I felt real passion.
This is one reason why we're like puzzle pieces. We match.


Sometimes I curse myself for being born in a male body, when I'm so obviously not.
But I understand that things happen for reasons. Perhaps I chose this existence to make amends
with my masculinity.


I'll skip out some pretty details.
But there was passionate kisses.
"I can see why humans do that." She smirked along with me.
It was a physical means to elicit a reaction in our souls. It was a way to communicate.
We were trading delicate feelings through lips.
Two aliens; two children of the stars-
experiencing what it was like to love as humans.
Oh the impossibly mad love.

Once I felt that passion in my bones...
The man in me awoke. The wolf.
I grabbed her and forced her down like I wished she would to me all those times.

!@#$%^&

I came earlier than I wanted to and I sat in shame for a minute.
Alex knew what my look meant, and she told me that she had felt amazing regardless.
"So why worry?"

__________________________________________________ _________________
[7:00]


Alex eventually fell asleep.
We cuddled together and held each other close until then.

Then I was alone.
I moved to my computer.
I was compelled to listen to "Colorblind" by Counting Crows.
It was an anthem of my human and soul, specific to me.
It touched my hurt that I had accumulated as this specific human.
My awkward un-belonging. My prison of skin. My lack of color.
(Books, the only thing I had found solace in before... can only show you black and white.)

I cried my eyes out. I couldn't fight the sadness back.
It all poured out. I was terrified of how deep the feeling was.
I went to Alex and was about to shake her, when
"I'm fine." was sung.

I knew this was a sign from the Universe to let her sleep.
I was fine.

(The Universe or Lucy or whatever it was... sometimes sends me winks.
"Coffee black and eggwhite." is a line in that song."
My best friend's Dad just poured me black coffee and handed me an egg sandwich while I've been up all night typing this.)

It's truly a humbling thing to know that your entire life is a part to a play.
It's just a dance. It's put together very delicately, with lots of love and care.
But sometimes if you REALLY look closely, it's like a movie.
We all have a part to play. Dolls in a dollhouse.

__________________________________________________ _______________________________
[End?]

So that's my story so far. At the same time, it's all of our stories. We've all met Lucifer in one way or another. It lives inside of all us, whether we like it or not. It's all a matter of becoming aware of it.

I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. Just sending a message out in a bottle.
For most of you, you most likely will categorize me as delusional. That is fine.
This is just an oddly fascinating and fantastic story to you. But I have faith in the dreamers.
I know who I'm talking to. They know who they are. The right people will answer me.

It's all just simple math. What I'm talking about sounds magical... but it is very real.
Perhaps, one day it will be considered common knowledge. Accepted science.
But until then- we need explorers who are willing to chart this new frontier.

__________________________________________________ _______________
[Some of the other things Lucy told me through Alex...]

"You don't belong here. You feel it too, don't you?" I had always felt that.

"You're a very very VERRRY special, human, Austin. I don't think you realize how special you are." I knew this was truth, but it felt like a dirty truth. It felt wrong to say and obsess with. I know I'm meant for something big. But it's not all about me.

"You're INCREDIBLY beautiful." She stared at me sometimes... just as I had stared at the beautiful light.

"You've been waiting here, an anomaly in this world. Waiting for something alien to return you to your home."

[I also "realized" a few things by myself.]

I saw that most the people I called friends, were actually entities I knew outside of this human life.
A few of them I was "tied up to" or "chained to" with karmic debt.
My best friend is VERY pushy, and if I don't listen to what he says, I feel a backlash of negative energy.
I'm starting to realize that I actually am VERY far in debt to ALOT of people.

I also found that I was meant to go to a certain concert in California called Coachella in the middle of April.

I realized on my own that I'm destined to be a famous musician. That sounds horribly egotistical.
But you'll understand if you're ever in shoes like mine.


And lastly... I started the apocalypse. Maybe it was me individually, or me in the general sense of humans.
But when I came out of my trip, instantly I saw new signs of chaos.

This whole Korea business became frontline news. I've seen and heard ambulances every day here since.
People have been talking about the upcoming war in America. People have started making plans.
I think I might move to Seattle eventually. I have a feeling it might be safe for me.
Since me and Alex are both extremely drawn to this city.


__________________________________________________ ______________________________________
Please... if you're curious or have questions, please ask.
If you have something to add to my experience, I would certainly appreciate it!

It's a wonderful world out there, dreamers. Get out there and feel it for yourself!
For all you wisdom-seekers, may you find what you're looking for.

[Wednesday, 19th, 2012] [After Midnight- before I had fallen asleep]
I turned off the lights, turned on the LSD dose from iDoser (a binaural beat that induces a drugs effects), and lied down with headphones. I folded a shirt over my eyes and I zoned out and began counting down from 847. After awhile I became more and more relaxed, letting my mind become numb... I would recount numbers and forget where I was and restart at random numbers- this is when I knew I was in a trance. I felt detatched slightly... and tried imagining something.

I imagined myself in a blank white room. Suddenly a potted plant appeared in the center. It grew and grew and grew until it became a Venus Fly Trap plant of giant proportions. It ate "me". But it was just the body, the vessel, for my consciousness- I understood this and made a new one, and walked up to the plant. "You are simply a creation of mine and you cannot hurt me. I love you because I created you." The plant did not try to hurt me again. I walked through the wall to the left with such force, it shattered reality. The scenery outside the white room was a beautiful beach scene; the sun just setting a dark red velvet and vibrant orange against a dark navy sky and ocean. I was high in the air, far above the smooth sand or the water, but I was walking on air, on invisible pulsating steps. I walked a distance and then decided to travel along the pulsating steps like monkey bars. I dropped down so that my hands could hold on to the level where my feet just were and I pulled myself along as if they WERE monkey bars. Still pulsating a clear crystal light.

At that moment I reinvented the scenery. I was in a blank room again, but this time I was seated behind a table. I invited my subconscious and/or dream guide to appear and they did. Four figures walked in through the door instantly and each took a seat on the opposite side of the table. I made note of their appearance first... on the far left was a fiery feline female with fiery-colored hair, a mix of orange, red, and yellow. Second, was a huge muscular, black-iron-armorered figure with a fiery green skull with flames licking high into the air. Third from the left was a human walking-stick. Almost simply put, a bamboo man. Just a stick of bamboo going straight up into the air. Last, on the very right- I couldn't make them out very well. It was as if they were invisible, and I could only sense their Galka like presense.

I announced the reason for this gathering first, speaking in a pronoun that was mixture of I and We: "I/We are in a state of great confusion and despair. I/We are broken and must do something. We must become one, and work together to solve the problems we face." I stopped after the sentence and asked if anyone would be willing to finish my sentence due to how cloudy my conscious mind was. The 1st aspect chimed in and tried to finish, as my conscious mind jumped into her body- I saw from her eyes and began to talk... but trailed off, most likely because I, without meaning to, took control of her. Someone else chimed in right after, it was the 4th invisible Galkan aspect... I don't remember what he said, but it was full of force and meaning... and it made perfect sense. After he finished I stressed the importance of lucid dreaming: "It would be beneficial to US to lucid dream. We could solve a great deal from it and the daily link between all of us. We need to lucid dream." I was conditioning all of us- we all knew that I was hypnotizing the whole room. I was strengthening the importance of my conscious mind being present in dreams. After this I asked: "Okay, so who are you?" I was referring to each individual aspect of me. The first, the female aspect spoke up immediately: "I'm your female side, and I'm the one who emits light! I keep you on track and keep you afloat with joy!". I believed every word she spoke. I turned my attention to the stick. It radiated the answer: "I am your intellect. Your intelligence. The one who collects wisdom and shares it with everyone here." I couldn't sense a strong color from him. The next to speak was the ghostly presense of the armored man. He spoke something like this: "I am the one who keeps you alive. I know what you need- I make the hard decisions that benefit you, that you don't want to make." I understood. He was the line that knew when he was crossed. I looked at the invisible aspects seat- but never got an answer.

"Are you my dream guide?" There was no reply.

I was thrust back out of my imagination and into reality. I could feel a slight tingling sensation all over and I felt slightly detatched from my body. Thinking about this re-inforced my attatchment and I was back in my room again, listening to the vibrations in my headphones. I lied there for awhile and until the crackling in the headphones that's ALWAYS there kind of made my neck-hairs stand and I had to sit up. I sat up slowly and looked around. I could DEFINITELY feel something. The room was dark, but I could see exceptionally well. The clock on the wall was stretching and breathing. The whole room was stretching and breathing! I put my hands up in front of my face and I can't explain how alien my movements were... I felt like I was viewing from far, far away. I looked down at my blanket and it resembled a tangled mess of brain. The light coming under the door pulsated gently a light green mixed with turqoise. The patterns on the pillow moved like vines- just like in Fear and Loathing's Casino Carpets. The wall to my right was Tiger striped; shadows dashed ever-so-carefully across the white. The entire room was a calming, breathing dark mess of storage- it was new to me, as if I had never been there before. I brought my hands up to my face again, not exactly sure what I was doing, and I drew a cross on my left palm with my right index, then drew a circle on my right palm- then I clasped my hands together gently.

The dose still going on- I got impatient and took my headphones off. I heard a noise that did NOT exist in real life. My computer was making it... it sounded as if it was some sort of alien technology... making vibrating laser beam sounds. Like a woobawoobawoobawooba, but much faster and much higher pitched. I knew it was just my brain being confused from the binaural beats, but it was still fun to listen to. I crawled across my bed and crawled into the computer's chair and turned the screen on... after a few seconds of another strange feeling, I sobered up and typed this.

No dreams remembered last night...
As usual when I'm getting back into dreaming, i'm going through the stage of waking up and not being bothered to write them down. Gotta get on that!!!

In other news, I taught loads of people in the last few days about lucid dreaming. I love how amazed everyone is when they hear about it. I remember how shocked I was when I discovered it :') I've also been having more metaphysical+philosophic conversations without freaking out recently, which has been nice. Finally, today I decided to give up smoking! I was walking with a friend talking about LSD Fractals and we used smoking cigarettes as an example. I couldn't deal with that thought and just wanted to cut the loop. The weird thing is, as usual I said "Oh I'll just finish this tobacco pouch!" and my friend moaned at me for it - however I actually ended up losing my baccy during the 2 minute walk XD

x

dream : comments : lucid

17th of January, 2012

Had some failed lucidness early in the night.
I was sleeping and Nooks woke me up saying "it's 9pm, time to wake up!" I was all "Why the shit would you be waking me up at 9pm?" at which point she proceeded to start putting fish on my feet. By that stage I was all "nup, this is stupid, this is obviously a false awakening" and when I did my hand-check I mustn't have been deep enough into the dream and the movement actually woke me up for real. Almost immediately after that I went back to sleep and back into a dream. Not quite a WILD, but I was almost instantly aware. Quasi DEILD, perhaps. Again I was lying asleep except I was a bit deeper in and was this time at a beach. I was in the sand when I woke up again. Did a RC and wasn't dreaming. God damn it!
Back asleep again and THIS time I was still at the beach but could really feel the sand and water. I focussed on sinking into the sand so as to stimulate my senses a bit and really tried focusing on Nooks' face to become hyper-aware. It all sort of worked but then the dream began to fade and I couldn't get it back. Ah well. Close.

-----

I was at some dodgy apartment block and was meeting all the neighbours.

-----

I was at a birthday party and drinking champagne. Some hippie type girls offered me LSD which I accepted. The acid was on these plastic strips that had different phrases printed on them. The one I took said “Spiders in your mouth”. I half dissolved the strip and suddenly realised I didn’t want to be tripping on acid and remember that it said anything about spiders being in my mouth so I spat it out and asked for another one, which they didn’t let me have. I wanted the one that said "Ice cream".

We went outside where people were drinking and partying in the back yard and I hung around drinking my champagne and having a good time. Presently, I looked up into the sky and was struck with awe. The moon was enormous but different. It was covered in gigantic ice crystals- all perfectly formed like giant snowflakes. The arms of the crystals spread out far into the sky, about twice the diameter of the moon itself. I was totally blown away and ran screaming to the other people to come and have a look. When they came over the crystals had begun dropping off and falling through space towards us. While they fell, they broke into smaller pieces and snowed down on us as snowflakes the size of dinner plates. It was a beautiful experience and I remember turning to Nooks and asking if it was the acid or if it was really happening and she just smiled and nodded before catching one. It was nice.

Later on there was something to do with hot air ballooning in a cave and finding magic mushrooms. That lead into my family having issues with a neighbour shooting arrows into our yard. The neighbour became one of my younger brothers who stabbed one of my other brothers with an arrow and when we told him we would call the police on him he suddenly became really cute and baby-faced. I asked him to apologise and when he did he became a manchild with a seedy ass beard and looked totally creeper. He started apologising in this weird rhyming slang and I decided I hated him.

-----

Aliens invaded in cool space/aquatic ships. They were all spiky and black. As they landed in the water, huge waves flooded large parts of the city and the street we were on was suddenly awash with buses coming towards us. We narrowly avoided being crushed by the sliding buses and ran up a hill into a park. There, some people offered me cheese and I said, in a very posh voice “no... quite alright thank you” which they scoffed at. I asked if they’d prefer a more bogan approach and said “aw, fuckin’ aliens and shit invading, hey!” then left. We went into a house that had a smaller house inside it and I climbed onto the smaller house’s roof. All of a sudden I realised my teeth were loose and they began to fall out and break apart.

Didn’t do a dream check because apparently I’m an idiot and don’t recognise my own dream signs.
Anyway, I woke up shortly afterwards.

Dreamt that i found some LSD at disneyland

it was a light purple and was cut in into pretty huge tabs.

i spent the rest of the dream deciding whether or not to take it, it looked like it was really strong and it was from disneyland so naturally i was intimidated

for the first time last night i used a dream timer, i set it to go off every 30 minutes. i think it was to quiet because i don't remember ever hearing it waking me up but i remember waking up plenty of times during the night. none of my dreams were lucid but i recalled more dreams than i usually do I think the dream journal is really helping out so heres my dreams in order of what i remember.

Grateful Dead
me and 3 of my friends were hanging out in my room doing nothing looking for something to do like usual but i remember i had a good amount of blotter acid in my drawer and i remembered thinking it would be sweet to trip at a concert right now. then mitchell said something about the grateful dead and next thing i remember its all 4 of us were in a big crowd at a field i took all 10 tabs that i had and i went around hunting for mdma and more acid because i believed the tabs to be bunk. all of a sudden the whole crowd started migrating towards a stage and i remember i was all the way in the back with some new age hippy (if that makes sense) i asked if he had any rolls or tabs and he said he did but he wouldnt sell them to me because we were all the way in the back i got mad but moved my way right up to the front of the stage rejoining my friends and the dead started playing and the scenery on stage was changing. but they were playing all new songs with parts from hip hop and slightly stoopid. the whole crowd was silent and i remember thinking this is the greatest music ive ever heard i blacked out after that thought.

School lesson in my driveway
i was in my drive way with other students from my school and my spanish teacher was there. she was trying to teach us different school subjects but one of the kids; wes was playing around with the footballs and other stuff from my garage purpously annoying the teacher, out of nowhere i started yelling at him telling him shes just trying to teach us its her job she just doesnt do it for no reason why do you have to make it so hard for her i dont think he replied with words but he kept trying to throw the football at me, then he apologized and i black out


chilling in my room to gokarting
for some reason my cousin cam was staying at my house for a week and it was me cam and one of my best friends Connor in my room just sitting there doing nothing but smoking weed i was on my gaming chair he was laying on my bed and Connor was on my couch there was no lighting in my room and it was wicked dark. when i asked cam why he was staying over for a week before he could respond the dream teleported me to driving my friend Joe's go kart on a sunny day in his backyard then i woke up and attempted to wild back into the dream but the hurricane kept me up

Number One (a fail): There were a lot of little earthquakes happening, and this was a sign that the Big California Earthquake was going to come. I prepared for it, but then the dream drifts from memory and I went to the next one.
2.) I was at the beach, on something like spring break, and was playing volleyball. I was talking to various friends during the volleyball match. The game got very out of control and a teacher from my school was there and tried stooping it. The place then took on the appearance of the Target near my house, but was still the beach at the same time. My friend Jesse was talking about having a gun that made trees grow out of whatever you shot it at. I got the gun from him, and fired a few test shots. The shot from the gun was invisible, but also orange at the same time. I attacked somebody and it killed them and made a small tree grow out of them. I fired at the tree that grew out of them and grew into a massive size.
3.) Was at a school that wasn't my school and I was in class. The teacher kicked me out, and sent me to the school library. Walking over to it I talked to a few random people. Forgot the rest.