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06.05.2012

Money in Mail Slot (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I took a nap around 2-3PM and planned to wake up at 5 PM.


I have the neighborhood mailbox (one section) in the house I'm currently at in waking life so I can open our slot that had a lot of $5 bills.

While I'm taking out what seems to be an endless supply of $5 bills, and while I'm doing this, "Freckles" the English Version song from Rurouni Kenshin is playing.

Lol.

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Good morning, everybody.

Ugh! I let my dumb weekend chores spiral out of control. So I'm not making this entry until now!

Just as a note, the second dream was the closest thing to a nightmare that I've had in a long time. It wasn't very different from many of my other dreams. But, for some reason, it upset me a lot. I could hear myself screaming in the dream. I may actually have woken up screaming.

Dream #1

I was heading into the lobby of either an apartment building or a hotel. I had just moved out of my old place and into this new place. The lobby was really wide, but with a low ceiling and a kind of old, worn-out look. There was a little front-desk-type area at the back, right corner of the lobby.

I headed toward a small room on the left wall, near the front of the lobby. It was the mail room. There were a lot of aluminum mailboxes along the wall on my right side. But a lot of the mailboxes were busted open. Someone had broken into the mailboxes.

I was arfraid for my own mail. My mailbox may have been open. I had some mail in my box. But it did seem like something was missing.

I looked at my mail as I walked out of the room. One piece of mail was for some other apartment. The other piece may have been a door tag from FedEx, like what they leave on a door when they come to deliver a package, but the person isn't hme.

I thought I would either give the piece of wrongly delivered mail directly to the person it belonged to, or else give it to the person at the front desk. But I was kind of afraid to let anybody know that the mailboxes had been broken into. I didn't want the people who'd broken into them to cme after me.

For some reason I was getting ready to leave the apartment. A FedEx man was coming in at the same time. But instead of asking him about my package, I told him that someone had broken into the mailboxes.

Dream #2

A documentary about the effects of some sort of nuclear accident, probably in Russia, though I'm pretty sure it wasn't Chernobyl. The documentary was following the lives of people in a small town near the accident.

The people had all been exposed to radiation. But they hadn't been moved away from the area where they'd been exposed. Most of the people seemed to be women.

There was one woman in a bedroom that kind of looked like a hostpital room. The woman was by herself, with her baby, in the room. But the room had multiple beds (or low cots), some of which could be separated from each other by dark blue curtains.

The woman was walking back and forth with her baby cradled to her chest by means of some kind of blanket. The woman wore a dark green t-shirt and may have been pushed up above the navel of the woman's taut belly.

A narrator may have said something about how the woman was really ill from the effects of the radiation. Now the woman was laying in one of the low cots, holidng her baby close to her. The baby may then have changed into a three- or four-year-old girl. The girl may have been tending to the mother.

The view now closed up on the woman's right arm, which was loosely hanging off the edge of the bed. A nurse administered some kind of injection into the woman's arm.

But either the woman was so sick that her body couldn't take any more medicine, or else the injection had been administered wrongly, and now the woman's body was rejecting it. The woman's vein swelled into a square about 3 cm per side. Then the woman's heart stopped beating.

I couldn't believe the woman had just died! I was now in the room. I don't know where the daughter was. I don't know where the nurse was. I thought I was myself, by myself.

I was panicking. I didn't know what to do about the dead woman. I still didn't want to believe she was dead. I thought if I found somebody, they might be able to save her.

So I used my cell phone and called somebody who I thought could help. I was now out in what I thought was the lobby for a small, narrow apartment complex.

I got a hold of the person, probably a man. Suddenly I had to admit to myself that the woman was dead, and that that was what I was going to have to explain to the person. As I started talking to the person, I looked at myself in the mirror.

I was a woman, maybe in her mid- to late-twenties. I was either white or Latina. My skin was pale. I had kind of sharp, almost squarish features. I wore some kind of pale, powdery foundation, and my eyebrows seemed to be pencilled in. I also had my hair in tight braids, which seemed almost like dredds, except with a bunch of tiny tangles coming off of them.

I then walked toward either a blank wall or a white wall with a plain, white door on it. As I did this, I told the man I was speaking to that I had been the one to administer the shot to the dead woman.

When I suddenly realized or admitted that I had been the one that had killed the woman, I broke down. I was crying. But my voice was more of a terrified moan, which eventually became a low-pitched, loud scream.

Dream #3

I was in "my bedroom," which almost had the shape of my bedroom, but which was almost empty. There were some boxes along the back wall, near the left corner. But I noticed they had been pushed from the wall.

I was afraid that somebody had been in my room. BUt I was more worried about putting the boxes back into alignment.

When I looked closer, I noticed that what had probably pushed them out of the way was some really heavy box that had managed to slump over toward the wall in such a way that it wedged in between the other boxes and the wall, pushing the other boxes aside as it slid along the wall, down toward the floor.

I picked up the heavy box. It was apparently a Christmas package I'd received. I figured I'd just need to open the package now and put the contents wherever they belonged in the house, so that the box would stop interfering with the order of my other boxes.

I opened the package. A wine bottle was inside. I pulled it out. The green bottle was encased in a white, plastic square, and it had a white, plastic, pull-off top.

I must have done something with the bottle. But now I was standing near the front wall of my room. The lights had been on before. But now they were off. The only light in the room was coming from my hallway or bathroom.

I was looking at my room, proud of how clean and spacious it looked, now that I'd organized things so well. But I now noticed that I had a cluttered pile laying a meter or so away from my back and right walll. The pile was mostly clothes, though there may also have been a blanket or beanbag chair.

I sighed, annoyed that I'd have to clean this stuff up before I could truly think I had a clean room. I lifted up a maroon, button-up shirt made out of some flannel-like material. I folded it. I folded another piece of clothing. I eventually worried that someone, somehow, might discover that I also had female clothing in this pile.

Dream #4

One of the very first episodes of the TV show Full House. Almost everybody in the cast was different.

The house itself also looked a lot different, like a mix between the house in Growing Pains and the house in Family Ties. There was a staircase on the left side of the room, near the front door. At the foot of the staircase was a big piano.

The dad and Uncle Jesse had kind of secretly worked to buy a doll for the middle daughter of the family. (Uncle Jesse may have been John Stamos, but the dad wasn't Bob Saget.) The two men wanted to make up for something really aggravating that had happened to the girl, and had probably been their fault.

So the two men left the doll sitting on top of the piano. The room was now empty, though I had an image in my mind's eye of the older daughter, who was the same person as in the regular show, except that she had really straight hair and wore eyeglasses.

The middle daughter now walked into the house. She was different from the daughter in the regular cast. She saw the baby doll laying on the piano top. Surprised, she rushed to the doll and picked it up. She walked up the stairs with it.

The doll wore no clothes, probably had a white, cloth body, and plastic limbs, and was either bald or had plastic "hair" molded onto her head.

Somehow this plain old cloth and plastic doll managed to pee. She just let out a huge gush of water, getting the daughter's front all wet.

The daughter's appearance had changed. She now looked like a "rebel girl" or "skater girl" kind of TV show character. She cried out, "Oh, god! You peed all over me!"

The daughter needed to clean herself off. But now the whole scene started over again. But everything that had already happened was still remembered by the characters.

The doll was placed, by an unseen erson, on the piano top. For a moment, the camera view closed in really tight on the doll, who seemed to be surrounded by a tiny square of little, wooden bars, almost like a mini, doll-sized railing that had been built onto the piano top.

The daughter ran in and picked it up, this time without any surprise or excitement. The daughter may also still have needed to clean the pee off herself.

But now the daughter, walking up the stairs, started saying things to the doll like, "Oh, yeah! I really like you! You're really sexy!"

I wondered why this girl would find a doll so sexy, and I wanted to see more, to see howthis relationship would develop between the girl and the baby doll that she found sexy.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was coming up toward a house. It seemed like something bad must have happened there. I came up to a black iron fence surrounding the house. It was only a few meters away from the door.

Just inside the gate, on some kind of stone walkway up to the front door, were the remains of a squirrel that had been killed. I thought the squirrel had been killed by a human. The squirrel had probably been beheaded and then sliced up the middle, on its underside, like a fish being gutted.

Just in front of the door was a mailbox. The mailbox either stood alone or stood out against the wall. The mailbox itself was really thick and wide.

On top of the mailbox were parts of the killed squirrel. It was probably the squirrel's head, but the head seemed really skinny, and it seemed to be attached to a long, bony thing, covered in fur, and which I thought of as an arm.

I was a little scared by the sight, as if the squirrel pieces meant that some bad scene of carnage was inside, maybe even a human murder scene. But I also thought that perhaps the scene of carnage was what I was here for -- what I was here to see.

I went into the house. The door was a side door, and it opened directly into a side hallway of the house. The floor of the hallway was made of white linoleum tile. I passed a couple rooms that seemed half-finished, kind of like laundry rooms. The hallway was shaped like an upside-down "L," with the base of the "L" turning off to my right.

At the intersection there was a huge pile of crap. The pile itself was huge, but the pieces of crap themselves were enormous. I thought that only an animal would crap on the floor like this. But the crap looked too huge for any domestic animal to make. So I thought maybe a human -- a big human -- crapped on the floor.

I walked into the living room and saw a smaller pile of crap on the pale beige carpet. But the pieces of crap were still so huge that I thought only a human could have made them. I walked around a coffee table and stood in between the coffee table and a couch. An old, clunky TV stood on a TV stand off to my left.

Suddenly a big, black poodle (!) jumped at me, to attack me. It got good height as it jumped over the coffee table, and it would have bitten me in the face. But I slapped it away, knocking it to the carpet, in between the coffee table and the TV stand.

The poodle was no longer vicious. It was like it was my friend, or my own dog. I considered that this dog may have made all the crap that was all over the floor. The dog was huge, especially for a poodle, and it had a kind of fat body. So maybe it could have made huge pieces of crap.

I tapped the dog sharply on its flank with some kind of stick -- maybe a dried, tan bamboo stick? I said, "Turn around!" I wanted to get a look at the dog's anus. If the dog's anus had crap all over it, I'd know that the dog had crapped all over the house.

The dog turned around. I noticed that a lot of the fur all over the dog's body was grey as well as black, as if the dog were getting older.

I spent a couple seconds looking at the dog's anus. It was completely naked, barren of fur, so I saw it alright. It looked totally clean, and pretty small. I thought there was no way the dog could have crapped all over the floor. It's anus was too clean -- and too small. So I still didn't know what -- or who -- had crapped all over the house.

Dream #2

I was possibly watching some sort of television show. There were three Vietnamese or Vietnamese-American children. They stood in some strange, half-indoor, half-outdoor area.

The space felt like a living room somehow, but it also felt like the corridors of some kind of shopping area in a big, Asian city. There was a lot of warm, orange, red, and pink light glowing into the atmosphere.

The children themselves stood behind some kind of wooden bars, like the bars of a nice crib or playpen for babies. The bars met a carpet floor, which stood up on a tiny step, maybe 20cm high. The floor before the step was possibly also carpeted.

The children were a musical group. They had won some kind of singing contest on a Vietnamese talent program. They now had to go to some further kind of televised championship.

But the children were all worried, and they called out, "No! Wait! We can't do it yet!" It was like they'd forgotten their song, or gotten stage fright. They felt like if they went to the championship (which may have only been down the hall) at this moment, they'd screw up their luck and totally ruin their chances.

I was half in the scene and half watching the scene on TV. I wanted to tell the kids that there was no need to worry, that plenty of groups had felt the same way before they'd gone on to their championship performance, but that they'd done just fine.

In fact, I could remember one specific group that was actually Vietnamese as well and had gone through the same emotional difficulties as the children were going through right now. But I couldn't remember the group's name. I tried really hard, but I couldn't remember.

I was now in a big room with my mom. The room was like a living room, but the floor was white, linoleum tile, like in a kitchen. The light was bright and white. The room was huge, and there was barely anything in it except a couch, a TV stand, a TV, and some random clutter, like blankets, so that the place felt very barren.

My mom stood in front of the TV, messing around with something, like she was trying to run a tape in a VCR. I told my mom, "You tell those kids there's nothing to worry about. I know another Vietnamese girl that had the same kind of worries. But she ended up winning. She actually had a great song. I'll show it to you."

I couldn't remember the Vietnamese singer's name. But I pulled my phone out of my pocket, as if I could find her on YouTube and show her to my mom. I thought that, if I just looked for the singer in some random way, I'd probably find her. I could remember the singer's song, and the video, which had a lot of pink, orange, and red atmosphere.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING

00:30

Vampire dogs
Policemen find a body in the middle of a street. Someone asks them what happened and they say teenagers are mysteriously disappearing and ending up dead in some distant place, drained from blood. I go home and I am visited by a friend. I ask him to stay away from my dogs. He asks why and I show him that they all turned into vampires. He says I’m nuts to keep them, but I tell him I love them still and I offer them my blood. To demonstrate, I offer them my hand and all of them (three, I think) come to bite me. It hurts as hell, but I am willing to sacrifice myself for them. They are all on leash, but one of them escapes. Then I get worried about him biting someone or even just my cat who is on the house. I don’t want the cat to become a vampire to. Not my pussycat!

5:00

Money, money, money
At the entrance of my mom’s building. I come with dad, but he heads to the elevator immediately and I stop at the mailbox. I have one mailbox just for me, which I don’t open for years. It’s full of cash! I try to take it out without the incoming neighbors to see and get envious.

Where's mom?
Then I’m with my mom on car. I get out to get something or someone and she goes park on some alley. Then I meet someone, wee talk for a while and then I realize she is taking too long so I go look for her. I feel I am becoming lucid, but I can’t move on to tasks without first finding my mother, because I’m worried about her. I wake up.

6:00

Casablanca (ToTY)
I go back into LD. I’m in a house and I look for some mirror. I cross one while thinking of the Casablanca ToTY and I land on the entrance of a bar. I pass a folding screen and find myself in a corridor. I spend some time there because there are some amazing paintings and sculptures that I observe, trying to memorize them. Specially a painting about some winged snake-like surrealistic creature, being ridden by some warrior and a sculpture of an abstract man with a sun and moon head. But I’m brought back to the present moment by some gentleman who is pointing me the way to enter the main room. I look inside and it is all in black and white, tables with candles in the centre, fancy dressed people sitting and listening to jazz music. I look like Ingrid Bergman in my hairstyle and clothes. But once I enter the room, the black and white becomes slowly colourful. I see a guy on the piano and a queue of at least four people who seem to be wanting to talk to him. I ask someone how can I speak to Sam and they point me the guy on the piano and say “You’ll have to wait for your turn.” But Sam was an old white guy with white hair and glasses. I said “That’s not Sam!”, but they insisted it was him, the famous Sam. “Ok, so I’ll ask him to play a song.” I didn’t feel like waiting for my turn and it was my dream anyway, so I passed in front of all the other people waiting and was about to talk to Sam, when he finished a song and got up in a very bad mood, complaining that there was too much people nagging him. Instead of him, I ended up talking to another guy who was his manager and told me I should write down my name on a waiting list and the song I wanted Sam to play. I realized I would not be able to hear him playing the song before the dream was over, so I wrote my name on the paper. I had serious difficulties, because all the pens they were handing me over did not write properly, but in the end I managed. I didn’t know what song to ask for, so I wrote down “whatever song you wish to play”, because I figured he was sick and tired of playing all the crazy stuff other people were asking.

Market in Denn (RPG task)
Then I leave the place and thing about the RPG task. I see a backdoor and imagine to be on Denn when I open it. I go to the other side and find myself inside some kind of warehouse. I look outside and this part of the town looks a bit like the wild west. I see a saloon, people in horses and a diligence. I don’t go outside, because on a side door I notice this warehouse connects to a market. It’s an indoors supplier market. It’s really early morning and they are preparing the boxes with food to be shipped to the merchants. I look for the strange fruit I’m supposed to find and I do see among pears and apples, a few boxes of something that looks like a mango, but with spikes. It looks like the picture posted by WakingNomad on DV, but it is not pink, it is reddish and yellowish like a mango. I feel it might be it, but I insist in looking around a bit more, to see if I find some other weirder fruit. I don’t, so I pick up one of those strange mangos. Unfortunately some guy appears complaining that I shouldn’t be there and escorts me out. He distracts me from my intent to eat the fruit and I wake up. Grrrrr…….

7:00

Fighting monster with love
Trying to avoid someone or something. I was already lucid, but can’t recall what had happened before. I just know I’m on a bus and outside there’s an hideous creature, half elephant, half octopus with a giant jaw-like mouth. It is crushing cars as it moves along the street and eating people’s guts. It’s horrific. And then it jumps and lands on top of the bus. People scream and try to run to the extremities of the bus. The monster opens the bus and enters on it. It shape-shifts into a more humanoid form. I feel confident I can beat it, and I think people around me notice that because they look at me hopeful that I will protect them. The monster comes to me, but instead of kicking it’s ass, I decide to try the “love approach”. I give it a hug (yuc). I realize the monster is female, because of its energy signature. I tell her we can be friends. She gets really confused and at the same time pleased. She just feels unloved and lonely. I still feel revulsion, because I can feel it’s deep down emotions and they are ugly. But I make an effort. The bus is stopped already for some time and the bus driver opens the door. We come out and walk together. I can read her thoughts and she is visualizing us together forever, all the time. I don’t like the idea so I explain to her “You know what being friends mean, right? We will go out sometimes, call each other once in a while, but we’re not supposed to be together all the time, that would be slavery.” (I joke) She asks me if we’re now going out somewhere. I reply I have no plan, but let’s just walk and talk. Then we cross some neighborhood and I see a couple of swings. I tell her “Why don’t we ride the swings together for fun?” She looks at me like “Are you kidding, that’s for babies.” But I hop in and swing higher and higher. She just stands in front of me, trying to figure out why is that fun. Then she transforms into a cloud of black ravens hovering in the sky in front of me. I hope it is a good sign. Then some ravens become black open umbrellas and then slowly all transform into dancers in the sky with black feathered wings, making a weird, dark, yet beautiful, group dance. I guess it’s the creature’s way to set her emotions free. Then she says she wants to eat “nam”. I have no clue what that is, but I interpret as Vietnamese food. We go to a Vietnamese restaurant and she is loving it! I enjoy watching them prepare strange dishes – I’ve never actually been to a Vietnamese. Then we become engulfed on a large party they are organizing on a backroom of the restaurant. Besides the amazing food we were about to choose to eat, they had a huge long table with all sorts of sweets and cakes. They were so kind and offered me to try anything I wanted. The party was only hours later, but they insisted that I take whatever I wanted. So then followed an orgy of cake eating. It feels so good, when you know it’s calories free!

8:00

Morning of October 17, 1970. Saturday.



It seems to be late morning. I have two small pet bats and I am walking around otherwise on my own in the main part of Arcadia. They are on my arm shooting small but long and forking lightning bolts at each other from their mouths. They express various funny faces when the lightning hits their eyes, mouth, nose, or ears, and eventually even a public US mailbox (which seems important for some reason). There is a vague feeling that I may become embarrassed if this continues in public, but only based on the idea that someone could come along and accidentally get struck by the tiny lighting bolts and blame me. At one point, they sit on my left shoulder (and now it seems as if I am seeing myself while incorporeal) and one licks its “lips” as small lightning bolts from the other bat hit it near the mouth.

As I start to focus more on the mailbox than my pet bats (though I am unsure if I have a letter to mail, though perhaps one my mother gave me to mail for her - though in reality at this time, it was usually my mother that mailed my letters), I begin to wake.

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Note One: The mailbox “seems important” to my mostly non-lucid dream self because it is a symbol for a sustained conscious intent for dream self communication with my conscious self identity to trigger lucidity and augment awareness (first put into practice in December 1966, around age six), though never intended to be rendered literally as here. However, there is duality in this dream (the two bats). This makes me suspect that I am in communication with someone in addition to myself.

Note Two: Lightning is often a real-time dream state metaphor that represents increasing neural activity (dendrite synapse analogy) as a RAS precursor as well as an associated play of the same symbolism based on lightning supposedly “bringing something back to life” (as in the movies “Dinosaurus” and various Frankenstein movies) simply (and obviously) analogous to waking up. (Though in some cases, it reflects physical pain or the residual memory of physical pain.)

Note Three: The very common (over one in five of my dreams) “return flight” waking symbolism factor is here, as the two bats (though they had not been seen flying). In this case, they seem more of an induction remnant, as bats are nocturnal and a symbol of being unconscious. (They are also a circadian rhythms factor which seems out of phase here as my dream’s setting is late morning, probably because of sleeping later on a Saturday yet still focused on the wonder of nighttime.)

Note Four: When Zsuzsanna was a child, her father caught bats in a large jar. Additionally, as there is duality in this dream, I feel that the mailbox is prescient of the fact Zsuzsanna and I wrote to each other before meeting and marrying, especially as bats also symbolize prescience (as in a few other dreams, especially the recurring “Patches” series, which had very detailed long-term prescience relating to Zsuzsanna before I met her or even knew of her real-life existence).

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Resupplemented on Sunday, 8 October 2017.

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