• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. False Dream Memories

      by , 10-14-2018 at 05:06 PM
      I'm noticing more dreams in which 'my character' has certain memories of past events which happened in the universe of the dream, but never actually happened in the dream. Like in my last dream, I recalled meeting a DC before, but that event never actually happened in the dream. It's like I'm a bodysnatcher and I take over a character's body and mind, and their memories as well.
    2. Jules in Bangladesh

      by , 12-01-2015 at 07:39 PM
      There's a party full of drunk and pretty people I've gotten caught up in; it's being held in the honor of someone I don't really know, and when a group splits off for the private party, I go with them. The door closes behind me and Jules. Jules is dead sober - I'm not - and he doesn't look amused.

      I'm talking to him about the person I've been trying to meet up with, a guy who's meant to be part of this group of party people somewhere; I'd first met him in a cell in Bangladesh, where I'd been trying to track down a particular object. I'm trying to stir Jules' memory of that time, but he just nods, goes yeah, yeah - he's annoyed.

      He says, "Was I shot?" in a tone that suggests this happens frequently, and is probably my fault.

      "In the left arm," I tell him.

      He looks at the fingers of that arm, and I see a mental image of the neck of a stringed instrument. The implication is that getting shot affected his ability to play. Jules says, less annoyed now, "I do remember that one."
    3. Breaking wings and a game in a field

      by , 01-30-2015 at 10:30 PM
      A woman's feeling every bone in her wings break in half, one at a time, methodically, starting at the tips and working their way up. This isn't happening now - it's a memory. I'm not even sure it was originally her memory - this woman doesn't have wings now and I don't know if she ever did. But she's feeling the pain of it as if it were happening to her now.

      She's strapped to a chair, and a man in a suit has just taken his hand away from the top of her head, ending her experience of that memory. He didn't get the reaction he wanted. He says something to the effect of "I was saving this for a reward, but-" and puts his hand on her head again.

      This time she sees a memory of Constantine strapped to that same chair, from the perspective of a woman speaking to him. The woman runs her finger under his jaw - he makes a joke about how he would've shaved, but there's this whole held prisoner thing. Although I'm in third person throughout this dream, and although visually, I'm seeing this particular image from the perspective of that woman speaking, same as the woman in the chair is, nonetheless I feel the sensation of her finger on my/his jaw, unusually vividly tactile.

      The man in the suit takes his hand away again. From what he's saying now, I get the impression that the woman strapped to the chair loves Constantine, and that this man and the group he's with are using that to groom her to kill him.

      (Woke up. Back to sleep.)

      At a school, two boys close to graduation are lying in a field, watching a group of underclassmen playing some sport nearby. There's an underclassman in that game who one of them sort of took under his wing, and now the kid's developed a crush on him. The other boy is saying, great, take him home, get him "thoroughly raunched." The first boy takes this as a joke, says that he's not interested in anyone else, and kisses his throat. The other boy goes distant and pulls away. He resents emotional attachment - the first boy hasn't figured that out yet, but he will.

      Updated 01-30-2015 at 10:35 PM by 64691

      Categories
      non-lucid
    4. Using illogical thoughts to induce sleep

      by , 11-26-2014 at 07:40 PM
      So, I was having some difficulty falling asleep and decided to try out the method*. At first, I was trying to make random semi-meaningful sentences and phrases "They came for the food; People sitting on road, etc.", then switched to more meaningless stuff and finally went on to random generation of a set of any three words, sometimes with a slight association between the words "hobby batman train", "milk bread wall".

      One of the early effects while trying to generate these words was that I started having mini memory flashbacks of real scenes from the past. This sometimes happens to me when reaching a clear but conscious state of mind and the memories are real ones rather than imaginary.

      As I continued with the exercise, a number of past dream memories, again real ones started mixing with the life flashbacks. These weren't very vivid and would last a second or so as I was fully concentrating on the word exercise.

      I was getting somewhat tired of continuously generating random words and also my awareness was beginning to slip away. At this point, I noticed the emergence of other random scene flashes, but those contained novel or rather different (not real dream or life memories). This is not new to me as I had on other occasions observed that the more towards unconsciousness I would drift, the more of these different scenes I get, while when my mind is fully aware and quiet it tends to get more real memory flashbacks. No idea what this is all about.

      Anyways, the interesting part was that as I was struggling to generate a new set of words, I would begin to get a random flashback scene before each word (now a mix of true past places and some unknown random places), and my mind would actually scan the scene for an object or action and use it in the word set! And this would go on for every word or sometimes two words would come from the same scene. It a was really cool realization when it happened the first time, then I let the process continue. I wasn't fully asleep at this point and took a step back towards wakefulness to review the process. Then continued a bit more with the word generation, eventually got tired and stopped and fell asleep.

      Looking forward to playing with this again!

      *Tnx to Xanous, Jeff and CL for the ideas and links.

      Updated 11-26-2014 at 08:30 PM by 61764

      Categories
      side notes
    5. Kicking Astra out of my head

      by , 10-14-2014 at 05:59 PM
      I'm at a strategy meeting, impatient about it - I'm so tired of this cluster of timelines. Everyone here at this meeting is suspicious of each other, and convincing them to work together all over again every time I go through these events is getting really old. So I've stopped trying to juggle everyone's egos and am taking the lead here, and predictably, Astra winds up deciding to put me in my place. She mentally reaches into my head. I've been through so many timelines with her, though, I've learned to resist this, so I shove her right back out again. She's shocked. The rest of the room quietly clears out - no one wants to get involved in this. Everyone else has always been afraid of her. I hate that, the way they fear her. She puts up a pretense of being more mature than she really is, since she's possessed so many adults and seen so many of their memories, but she's still just a kid. I'm thinking, please let me find a way to keep her alive this time around.

      Updated 10-14-2014 at 06:11 PM by 64691

      Categories
      non-lucid
    6. Dyson and a duet in a garden

      by , 09-20-2014 at 08:32 PM
      England in the 1940s or so, I'm disembodied and watching a man and a woman singing a duet in a garden. Both of them are thinking about a man named Dyson. They were friends when they were younger, but he left the country years ago and they haven't heard from him since; in their memories, he's a sort of ideal. I'm thinking how disappointed they would be if they were to see him now.

      When their song's over, they talk with the people who'd been listening. The woman who'd been singing is speaking to a particular man, very wealthy, and hinting that she's expecting him to invite her along to a particular event. But although they clearly have some kind of history, he finds this suggestion laughable - he hardly even thinks of her as a woman. I'm surprised, since I'd just been thinking about how beautiful she is - the dream image had zoomed in on her profile as she was talking to him, and I'd been admiring the curve of her nose, the softness of her hair. Very beautiful. But the man walks off with most of the others - they're heading back toward the house. The man she'd been singing with comes up to her and says he saw her talking to that wealthy guy, and how they seem to get along well. She says, "Sure do."

      My POV turns around, not following them - I'm focusing on the opposite direction. On a hill overlooking the garden, there's a man who'd been hiding among the trees and bushes, watching them. This is Dyson.
    7. Crystal Memories

      by , 04-02-2014 at 07:39 AM
      This is my first DJ, so i'll start with my most recent LD.

      It was two days ago. I fell asleep into a dream that was of a cavern.. or rather a cave turning into a long stoned pathway. It was illuminated by bluish fiery light from both sides, leading down the path as well. While walking down this path, i noticed the walls had crystallized mirrors. Looking into them,, it seemed foggy at first, but then when it started to clear up. I noticed my younger self.. my childhood self. Having fun. Each mirror i looked into was a sequence of a childhood memories i enjoyed. Witnessing this made me realize i was in a dream and yet, i hand no control of the memories that came or the area that i dreamed of.
      However i was able to control myself. A Dream induced Lucid Dream (DILD) with some Dream control is what it was looking back on it. With the Control i had, i was able to jump into these crystal mirrors that took me to the areas of my memories. Seeing my younger friends & parents, but unable to communicate with them. Although my younger self seemed to smile in my direction from time to time, then resumed playing. It was heartwarming if not odd. With my control, i continued to jump into mirrors and various memories of my younger self, almost like teleporting. Until i ran into a different dream area, not of my memories but of some starry night city that looked like a mix of Las Vegas, and New Orleans at mardi gras. And as i look around at the shining lights & stars, the various people laughing and dancing and yet can't see me. I finally noticed my younger self again. Looking back at me with a smile and then says. " The fun doesn't end yet." and with a chorus of music, i wake up, listening to nothing but the whirring of my fan and the cold breeze in my room. I honestly felt great that morning, kind of a warm pleasant feeling. I'm curious to what the dream meant. Maybe it means that if i keep positive and enjoy my life, better things will come? Maybe better things that i never thought would happen? I can only hope.

      Well this is my First Dream Journal. I hope it wasn't too odd for folks. XD

      If my dreams are always this interesting, i'm certainly going to write more.
    8. Deceased Loved Ones Again, DILD, Puppy Love

      by , 02-02-2014 at 04:00 AM
      Super quick entry. Last weekend I had an regular dream involving my grandmother in which something else made me lucid and then the next day one where seeing her triggered lucidity. Last night my grandfather triggered lucidity!

      I had a romantic NLD early in the night...felt like puppy love...she was so beautiful and I was reassuring her...a little shy. Red head with faint, fading freckles. We moved our way to bed and sexual feelings and she changed to my wife. I then had a lucid triggered by my deceased grandfather...so strange! Grandmother last week: first, and now him and he's been gone over 20 years...woke up a little teary eyed and almost deild with a dream forming or possibly just HHs a little threatening at first so I laugh it off and feel myself waking up again. I kept my eyes closed and reflected on deceased relatives and interesting unexpected memories flowed in. 103
    9. Nick

      by , 12-12-2013 at 07:17 PM (Into the Ether)
      Stumbled upon an idea for dreaming after having it repeated numerous times in my waking life. I've been looking at things from merely one end of the spectrum. For example, I read a thread recently where it mentioned how to stay in a dream when waking life gets too noisy. I usually go deeper to block it out, yet incorporating it was the new suggestion. There's also been some events in life where I would blame myself for having deficiencies but instead it was pointed out that it's possibly others who have them instead.

      Anyway, I usually can interject myself into others dreams quite easily. I got to thinking, what if ...

      I erase myself from their worlds instead of invading it?

      Jumping into a WILD I begin my exploration of this concept. I know the perfect victim for my experiment and I have the proper motivation to delete myself from his awareness. I start digging, rummaging through his awareness. Searching for anything and everything linked to me. I see bits and pieces whiz by and I fill it with a blank white void, successfully erasing images, memories, anything associated with me or us.

      As I'm casually taking out the pieces I want, I get to thinking.

      Is this fair? Right? What if he'd like to keep these things from our history? Who am I to just delete at will?

      I can feel a smirk forming.

      He shouldn't care what I do, and when I'm done he'll have no reason to care at all. He will be untouched and his life emptier than when I entered it. What I give, I can take away too.

      I continue sorting. Feels as though I'm in an information hub of awareness, there's just so much here. I begin to doubt the extent of how much I can erase. There's no way I can comb through all this crap.

      A man appears. I vaguely recognize him, though these days everyone is familiar to me so I don't give it much thought. He asks me what I'm doing. I explain. He's watching with some fascination, asking questions here and there, commenting on much of it. I stumble upon larger memories and my pace slows. I remember some of these experiences, they were lovely.

      I let him watch a clip or two before erasing. They are vivid and intimate pieces of our lives.

      He asks me if I feel sad about removing these memories. I explain it's just an experiment. That and I don't care what happens with this persons life anymore. He's not mine to look after.

      "Are you sure you want to do this?"

      "Of course. Why not? I have no reason to care about him."

      "These memories though, they look like something even I would want to hold on to."

      "It's because you feel attachments to people. I have no reason to feel anything. Nothing to attach to. It doesn't matter to me."

      I erase what he just viewed. Not too sure why I'm showing him what I'm doing either. Why not, I guess. His observation doesn't change things. It won't make a difference.

      "By the way, what's your name anyway?"

      "Nick."
      Tags: erase, memories, nick
      Categories
      lucid
    10. Dad's desire for knowledge

      by , 04-01-2013 at 06:12 PM
      Before bed: exhausting cooking and late staying guests

      Total sleep time: 7 hrs

      Dream recall method: two keywords noted

      Fragment1: I was in a building in one of the rooms there was an improvised fitness center. I was considering whether to enroll but it was somewhat expensive, 11 per session. I think I agreed to give it a try and started doing some exercises. I really enjoyed moving around.

      Fragment2[important feeling] Somewhere on the way between grandma's place and our old home. I am looking at the the cars passing by. Next to me is my dad, who has a strangely honest moment. He is sharing the contents of his heart, his innermost dreams. He tells me that he craves to one day get to an astonishing knowledge, this knowledge would be completely true and valid, yet so totally different from anything we know, unimaginable knowledge. I compare it then to the knowledge a more advanced civilization would give us.

      woke up, decided to try some WBTB, but was asleep too fast, had two pretty vivid dreams though, one very close to lucid

      Dream3 [very vivid]: I was at my parents's yard, it was dark. My mom was there, a large white rabbit came to us. We were trying to interact with it, but it was a bit stubborn, reminded me of a rabbit I had for a while when I was very young. My mom was forcefully grabbing it, surely causing it some pain, and it ran away. I felt bad for the rabbit and tried to call it back. It came back to me, and kind of like pressed itself strongly against me, seeking comfort.

      Dream4[very vivid, lucid-like]: I just remember finding myself staring at some kind of a yard, where there was a workshop. It felt as if I am lucid, and I had a moment of deep realization of something, I just suddenly understood it, everything (regarding something) made perfect sense to me. As I was watching the yard, I remembered my great grandpa's wood processing workshop, remembering some past memories that belong to me with great clarity and understanding. I noticed the little pieces of saw dust on the table of the workshop. [those memories felt very real, more than usual fake dream memories, yet my great grandpa had been a tailor, never met him]

      Fragment5: I was in a bus with my grandma2, she got off the bus, but left her bag and eye glasses on the seat. I rushed to gather all her things before the driver closes the door. I told him to wait for me to get off but he said he can't wait, I grabbed everything and jump rushed out of the bus door.

      --------------
      Some ideas to try out:
      I am still trying to find the optimal amount of awake time for WBTB. I have noticed that during meditation if I do it eyes closed, on some occasions I would drift away too much towards sleep, getting lots of the WILD sensations, HH, sometimes vibrations, and I catch myself falling asleep, feeling my dream body take off/separating. So perhaps instead of WBTB, wake up earlier than usual have a tea, meditate on couch, then lay down to lucid? At least worth a try when nobody is around.

      Updated 04-01-2013 at 06:27 PM by 61764

      Categories
      non-lucid , memorable , side notes
    11. Feels like my soul fell down from the sky and into my body and now im awake....wth??

      by , 02-12-2013 at 08:07 PM
      This dream really made me question my own reality. i was getting ready to freak out but i was able to calm myself down. ...Okay so i was intending to only take a 2hr nap but then i fell dead asleep and i keep having these dreams of my childhood house. It was my favorite place where i grew up and then moved away but i keep having these dreams as if im still living there and its making me frustrated its like im not over it. & well...

      in this dream i kept trying to wake up because i need to get ready for work and every single time i tried to wake up ...i woke up to a different life...almost like another dimension of what i wished my life would be or the things i miss. the first time i tried to wake up i woke up in my old room and then went back to sleep and then i woke up again and again it was the same thing back into the old house near my family and then i realized that i was late for work and then i slept again and i was getting ready to wake up and i felt this feeling as im falling and thought okay this is good this means im gonna wake up in a second and same thing happened ..

      .i was getting ready to freak out and cry because i know that wasnt real and then i calmed myself down and just breathed and concentrated and then i felt the falling sensation and pop! i woke up ! and feel like im more alive better than ever but at the same time it felt weird because it made me wonder, is it possible that there are other life dimensions out there? are those real??

      dreams like that freak me out, it felt like i was in a different place and time a different age i was much younger its almost as if i wished i was younger again and then it happend but in my dream...when i woke up i felt happy to be alive in this life time and more appreative to have accomplished so much but there is still something im not over...Help! idk whats going on? im so confused :/
    12. A Place for Memories

      by , 12-23-2012 at 11:09 PM
      The first thing I could remember is becoming a helper at a kid's school. An instructor escorted me to the room filled with young kids between ages five and ten. This classroom was very small and had an irregular shape. I noticed that the floor had black and white square shaped tiles. I stared at the floor and only felt a sense of calmness enter inside of me. The classroom was filled with about ten kids but I don't recall any of their faces. I do remember walking around the classroom observing it. I did feel a little optimistic working with these children. Then I woke up.
    13. Familiar Apartment

      by , 08-25-2012 at 01:50 AM (Exterminate)
      Okay, I had a previous entry about a "familiar apartment", but that looked a lot like a cabin, this was about an actual apartment.

      I do not remember what brings it up, but I took this apartment that I owned, and made it into a house. It was big, nice, and expensive. I rented a room out to a young couple. I can recall all of this happening before the dream, and the apartment seemed very familiar, as if I had made it in a previous dream. How long ago, I have no clue. I go inside, recall some things I had done to the place: painting it, making little Bibles with different designs, etc. Apparently the couple had gotten married and had a child there, so I had been gone a while. I decided to give them the whole place. I then remember saying to someone "I recall a memory perfectly in full detail..." then I go basically back into this false memory(must be a dream memory o.O) about my dad getting in a motorcycle accident. I do not know how much of this is what happened in the dream, but I was sitting in the front seat of a car, and my dad gets out, goes into this "college"(didn't look like a college) that had some mean looking guys in their twenties in front. He comes out after a few minutes, then on the way to the bank(which we were parked in front of), they beat my dad up and threw him into a motorcycle. The dream ended after that..

      This all seemed to happen pretty quickly, it was mostly a memory of previous dreams I think. It was weird that as I recalled memories I then entered into those memories as I was telling them. Also, when in the car I was really young, I'd guess 3-5.

      Updated 07-24-2018 at 07:01 PM by 57282

      Categories
      non-lucid , dream fragment
    14. School:Non-Lucid

      by , 06-07-2012 at 05:58 AM
      As the title said, this wasn't lucid, but this is what happened.

      I remember being in my French class, and we had just finished a test. I hadn't finished it, but the teacher was talking and I was hoping that she wouldn't notice me finishing it. She then got angry and said
      "I know you have finished the test, but you still shouldn't be talking" by then, I had finished the test and I said
      "Actually, I finished mine minus four minutes before we finished" (as in four minutes late)
      The class laughed and then I remember walking with my friends and seeing some people from my class and they started laughing, and so did I, and then it just blurred and I woke up.

      Now, I'm quite frustrated with myself about this, because I missed some obvious dream signs.

      First of all, my French teacher is a man. This teacher was a woman, and the students spoke to her as if she was a regular teacher, not a substitute. Come to think of it, this teacher may have been an evil teacher from one of my primary schools, which would make sense because she hated me, and so does my French teacher (don't judge me, anyone in my class will agree, and I'm not even a troublemaker)

      Secondly, and this is the one that annoys me most.
      All the other events in my dream happened in my secondary school. but I realized that the classroom I was in was one from my more difficult years in my other primary school. Even when I left the classroom, instead of being in the assembly hall of my primary school, I was in the corridor outside my french class, because that is what I expected to happen I guess.

      Over the two recent dreams that I remember, there were a few similarities, the main one being that France was involved, and one of them happened in a place with negative experiences (this one, difficult areas of my primary school life and in a French test). Also, the other happened in a boat, so although it was a nice experience, I don't like boats in real life, which I guess was a dream sign for my other dream, me enjoying being on a boat.

      I may have been having dreams involving France (lesson, and Monaco coast-not strictly French but next to it and French is the main language) and that were in negative places because recently I had a French oral exam, which I spent almost my entire Easter holiday practicing, and then my nerves got to me and I screwed up and was devastated. It may be lingering in my mind because I haven't had my results back yet.

      Hm, that's quite a wall of text I have built up, as I wrote it all down, I noticed new things about the dreams and made the connections.
    15. Past, present and future - Shinave

      by
      Hyu
      , 06-06-2012 at 12:38 PM (Hyu's Adventures)
      Too much conversation.
      Some things are going to be phrased incorrectly etc, I tried to patch it up as well as I could.
      Usually I use pink and brown to color code female and male DC voices, but there's 2 women this time,
      so I'll use pink and green, pink being Yuya.


      There's no more messing around.
      Going anywhere but Haven feels dangerous.
      Whenever I'm on the plane I can feel the Templars scanning for my aura.
      It is inevitable that they will find me if I linger for too long.
      Haven is one of the only places I feel safe. The barrier prevents them from locating my aura when I'm here.

      But I cannot remain here forever.
      Not only am I imprisoning myself here until I tackle the Templar issue, I'm doing the same to Yuya.
      The Templars are after her as well.
      In fact they're probably after everyone, the whole team from back then... back when lucids still came naturally to me.

      There is only one solution.
      I will fight them.
      But not alone; that would be utter suicide.
      I will gather the old team, the team with whom I fought the evils of this world back in the days.

      I feel like a hero, about to embark on a long and difficult journey.
      First I will gather a team capable of surpassing the strength of the Templars.
      And then I will have to come up with a plan to beat them.
      Because this is what I do. This is what I have always done.
      Regardless of how much more powerful my enemy is, regardless of what it takes, I will beat them.
      Because I am dragon.

      "So... who will we find first?"

      It is scary being in company of a serious Yuya.
      I'm used to her playful and innocent self.
      Not the one capable of carrying the weight of a world.
      The whole atmosphere has changed.

      "Silver?"
      "... No. We will find Silver last. I'm not sure how to convince him to join us yet."
      "Will he not want to join us?"
      "I'm not sure. Back then he fought with us to pay for his sins. But he has already given back so much to this world."
      "True..."
      "I will convince him. You know I have my ways with words."
      "Yes. If there's anyone who can motivate him it is you. You're the only one he listens to."
      "So, if not Silver..."

      "Shinave"
      "..."
      *sigh*
      "You're making me meet her again huh?"

      "Yes. We will meet with the goddess of ice."
      "Alright then... I know where she is. I sure hope you know what you're doing."
      "Probably."

      I most certainly do not. Why is Yuya somewhat reluctant to meet with her again?
      Did we part on bad terms?
      Meh, it will come to me eventually.
      These memories have a habit of popping up whenever I need them lately.

      Yuya opens a rather odd looking portal and it seems to take her quite a considerable amount of energy to do so.
      Right... we'll mask our auras. It should buy us enough time for a meeting and to get back before the Templars find us.
      We hop through the portal and end in a rather odd looking place.


      It's an old temple of sorts. Parts of it are covered with rather beautiful ice crystals, but most of them are broken.
      Right. The goddess of ice. Or rather the person who used to be the goddess of ice.
      Back then two gods fought together with us.
      The goddess of ice: Shinave; and the god of fire: Ifrit
      Yeah... there was 6 of us I think.
      The 3 gods Shinave, Ifrit, Yuya, and Silver, Selene and myself.
      I will reunite all of us... somehow...

      We walk through the old temple, searching for Shinave.
      I have a feeling that she's here somewhere, even though I cannot sense any aura besides Yuyas and my own at all.
      I can feel the Templars scanning the entire plane though.
      Their searching pattern reminds me of that of a computer rather than that of a sentient being.
      They are perfectly coordinated.
      But it will take them hours to track me down with my aura masked.

      "You have some guts to show up here after what you've done."
      "Indeed..."

      The voice coming from behind caught me by surprise, but I'm not showing that I was off guard.
      I turn around slowly and full of confidence.
      Shinave.


      Her eyes look young, but she's clearly older than Yuya or myself.
      She has long white hair, deep blue eyes, very similar to Yuya's, and a rather pale skin.
      A wise woman, once one of the most well known gods.
      But now she lives in a seemingly abandoned temple.
      And somehow I get the feeling that it is my fault.

      "How are you?"

      She answers me with a small hand gesture that's not really saying much.
      Is she mad at me? Is she mad at us?
      I feel that she is in some way, yet it also feels like the complete opposite.

      "And how are you... Yuya?"
      "I'm alright... mother."

      mo... Mo... I... wait what?
      Nonono.
      Oh shit.
      Fuck my life.
      Goddess of ice, goddess of water... yeah. Am I fucking retarded? How did I not remember that.
      And I have... with Yuya... oh my god...
      Yeah, I might be screwed.

      "You haven't talked to me in a long time."
      "I have not. Not after you suggested that I shouldn't try to bring Hyu back."
      "It was a bad idea."
      "Yet here I am."
      "Yet here you are."
      "I guess I should be impressed that you managed to find your way back after what happened."
      "I should also kill you for what you have done."

      She approaches me without changing her facial expression.
      I'm at a complete loss. I can't tell if she's serious.
      Well. She is. But there's something more. Something she isn't telling.
      She stands right in front of me and stares into my eyes.
      I don't blink.

      She hugs me tightly.
      What?

      "I hate you Hyu. I hate you so much."

      She starts crying and grabs more tightly onto me.
      I'm getting mixed signals here.
      But somehow I understand. She wants to hate me, but she can't. She cannot help but love me for whom I am.
      She looks deeply into my eyes again.

      "You've sent my daughter towards certain death you know."
      "Stop! It's too early."
      "No."
      "Yes it is! It is too early for him to remember!"
      "Maybe. But there's no choice. He must remember."
      "And then what? What if he does remember?"
      "What if he realizes that he has cheated? Then what? What if he dies if he remembers that?"

      "If he abides by the rules then yes, he will die."

      ... yeah.
      I don't like everything I'm hearing, but I do want to know.
      And I am so close. I can remember parts on my own. The puzzle is fitting itself together as we speak.
      A tiny nudge in the right direction and I'll remember everything.
      I look at Yuya and say reassuringly:

      "Am I the type who abides by the rules?"

      She can't help but smile for an instant, but then quickly puts on a serious face again.

      "It's too soon."
      "Yes. And bringing him back is impossible, yet here he stands. And yet here you stand."
      "..."

      I'm beginning to remember on my own.
      Because I need to remember.
      Because now is the time to remember, even though Yuya suggests otherwise.

      "We all fought together. We fought many evils. But there was one we simply could not beat."
      "... the Templars."
      "13 of them there were, and only 6 of us, but that was not the issue."
      "The issue was that one of them was a true immortal, and the 12 others had their lives linked to him."
      "All 12 of them were unkillable as long as the 13th was alive. And he had perfected the art of combat."
      "He was supposedly unbeatable. And even if he would be killed, due to his immortality he would just resurrect."
      "Yes..."
      "So I came up with a plan."

      "You did come up with a plan."
      "You always did, regardless of how hopeless the situation was."
      "But this plan I did not like."

      "This plan I did not like."
      "But it was yours."
      "It was mine."
      "I didn't choose it because it was a good plan, I chose it because it was the only plan."
      "Indeed..."

      ... what a horrible plan it was.
      I have trouble saying the words, but they must be said.

      "... Yuya would give her life to allow Silver to cast the ultimate spell."
      "I would hold the Templar in place."
      "And Silver would kill him with this spell, and the both of us in the process."

      ...

      "This would send the Templars soul to hell. Because that's where immortals go."
      "But immortality means you only have to spend a single minute, and then you are reborn."
      "And I have the phoenix wings. I can move through the realms. I can go to hell once I am dead."
      "Even after dying, my soul should have an afterglow of energy, enough to go there and challenge him."
      "One minute to do the impossible. One minute to kill the soul of the only one who ever perfected the art of combat."
      "And all of that without any energy left."
      "But if I would kill his soul, he would truly die. You cannot be reborn without a soul."

      "The plan was ludicrous. All of you would die for certain, for a glimpse of a chance to do the impossible."
      "But it would cripple the Templars for years."
      "It would... And it has."
      "But things did not turn out according to your plan."

      "Fortunately they did not. If they did we would be dead."
      "So how did you kill him? And how is my daughter still alive. And how are you?"

      ...

      "How I won the fight in hell... I truly do not know."
      "I do not believe in miracles. But if they do exist, then this was one."
      "We were joined in hell by our swords, and fought for a full minute without any energy."
      "A true old-fashioned sword fight."
      "I didn't stand a chance of course. He had figured out the perfect technique."
      "But for some reason beyond me, as we danced in the fires of hell with our swords clashing..."
      "..."
      "I stabbed him in his chest."
      "He never made a mistake, there was never any opening. I never figured out the perfect technique."
      "Yet it happened. Neither one of us did understand. And I released the last bit of energy I had left in me into my blade..."
      "And his soul evaporated. He died the true death."

      "And then...?"
      "And then I died."

      ...

      "But how?"
      "If you die you have to pay the price. Unless you are immortal you have to pay your soul."
      "That is what dying is."
      "But I never had a chance to give my soul."

      Shinave's expression changes. She understands.

      "The dragon within me. The dragon soul I shared my body with."
      "He gave his soul before I had a chance to give mine."
      "And with the price paid, I was no longer bound to the world of the dead... so I left... so I came back."
      "And then I approached Yuya's lifeless body. And I summoned the true phoenix wings, and I brought back her soul from the dead and resurrected her."

      "So you did use your one resurrection."

      She sighs.

      "So not only is the dragon soul, the one who taught you the ways of the dragon, no longer with you; but you also sacrificed your near infinite source of energy. The phoenix catalyst."
      "That is the price the phoenix must pay to perform a resurrection, and the reason why he can perform only one."
      "But these were the reasons why you were so strong. The dragon soul and the phoenix catalyst. And now you have none of them."
      "A small price to pay."
      "A truly huge price to pay."
      "Perhaps, but the choice was an obvious one."
      "It was not. You could have used the catalyst to destroy the remaining templars."
      "And let Yuya be dead?"
      "..."
      "It would have been the logical choice."


      "Pff... logic. Yes, I might have noble goals, some people may even have called me a hero."
      "But I truly am a fool and you know it. I do not regret having made that choice."
      "And I love you for having made that choice. You saved my daughter."

      "We all paid a huge price back then. Selene died. Silver managed to get back for some reason which is beyond me."
      "The council of gods was destroyed."
      "But the Templar died. And now they are mortal."
      "And they are after you."

      I shrug.

      "And I am after them."
      "You're mad."
      "I am Hyu."

      Yuya has been awfully silent.

      "I understand how you were able to come back and revive me."
      "Your soul is taken when you die. But for you, 'a' soul was taken, but not yours."
      "But still. After that you should never have been able to come back to this world."
      "You are supposed to be dead."

      "You have tried quite intensely to bring me back though. Surely you must have believed that it would work."
      "Maybe... but what now that you know that you are supposed to be dead?"
      "Nothing."

      "But... what if death comes for you."
      "There is only one thing you do if death comes for you."
      "... give up... ?"

      I give her a disapproving stare and raise my voice.

      "You look death straight into its eyes and you say: 'not today'"

      Shinave smiles for the first time.

      "It is good to know that you are still Hyu. It is good to know that you are still the fool I remember."
      "Can he do that... just like that?"
      "How would I know? Do I know anyone who has tricked death itself?"
      "What I do know is that he is Hyu."

      "He is..."

      Shinave inspects me from top to bottom.

      "You have aged."
      "You are weak."
      "And you come to me now, which means..."

      "I will ask you the impossible."
      "After all that has happened, you really dare ask me?"
      "Yes."
      "And what do you suggest we do if I agree?"
      "We will be a dead man walking and 2 gods that are no longer gods up against the Templars."
      "How is that going to work?"

      "You're forgetting about Silver and Ifrit."
      "Ifrit? You are more insane than I thought."
      "But even then. That's 2 dead men walking and 3 gods that are no longer gods. My question remains."

      "I will come up with a plan of course."
      "Because you are Hyu."
      "Because I am Hyu."

      For the first time in what feels like an eternity I put on a certain smile.
      It is a somewhat dark smile. A smile looking forward to a battle that seemingly cannot be won.
      A smile that challenges all beliefs. A smile that says that we can do the impossible.

      "Will you come with me, oh goddess, and fight with me again?"
      "..."
      "Of course I will."

      She looks at Yuya, then at me, back at Yuya, and back at me, clearly understanding what is going on.
      Then she faces me and says:

      "Back in the days the gods would have killed your for this."

      But she doesn't say it in a serious way. I'm not sure if she approves, but I do know that she does not mind.

      "I wonder what Ifrit is going to think about this."

      I turn around and start walking towards the portal and shrug.

      "I'd rather not."

      We laugh, even though it isn't really that funny. He's one of the very old gods. He can never know. He would indeed kill me.
      I stop.

      "As long as we can still laugh like this, the world isn't lost."

      That puts a reassuring smile on Shinave and Yuya's face.
      Ha. I still have it in me.
      I am still a leader.
      And I will do this.
      I will end what I have started 15 years ago. I will end the tyranny that is the existence of the Templars.
      I just have to figure out how.
      Preferably without killing half of us in the process this time.
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