• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. ccci. Meeting at a church, Visiting an in-dream dream location, Living in a mall

      by , 07-11-2021 at 07:03 PM
      11th July 2021

      ~7:30
      Fragment:

      Transitioning from the TBC era to WLK era. T is there as his paladin at one point. There's something very Roman-esque about the setting? We need to complete some gold-payment quest to continue on into the city. There's a group of randoms with us, part of our party.

      Fragment:

      In a place like L, by the pier area I think. There's a lot of commotion because of an upcoming football match. It's dark-ish, twilight-like, orange and purple hues in the sky? I want to take the subway to go somewhere, but first I got into this church. Many people are leaving an on-going service in the church but many still remain.

      Aunt G enters the church, I notice her and approach, getting her attention. She eventually recognises me and I tell her we should go somewhere together (to make up for lost time?) because I realise this place is actually quite crowded. I don't entirely feel safe, I think. Someone, an older lady but not as old as my aunt, she's putting up cordons and tells us we can't go in a certain area of the church. She had white hair, maybe tied back.

      The church is artificially lit, quite a warm light which contrasts with the twilight. Originally I wanted to move towards one of the areas that was cordoned off. We end up leaving the church and heading down a nearby subway entrance.

      (recall gap)

      We are next to a guy who's a pipe maker. I tell my aunt how many churches just can't afford new pipes, even though they'd benefit from them. The pipe maker gives us a statistic; only about five-hundred thousand out of one and a half million can afford such things. I realise and remark that it's only a third. I also remark that the distribution is going to be geographically unfair or disproportionate, too.

      (after writing these two, I got up and had thoughts about WBTB as I got back in bed)


      ~10:00
      Fragment:

      Visiting a church with H. In the dream, I had a dream where I'd visited this church and it was sort of empty. So, when we're there together, I already know the layout. During the dream, this made me vaguely think of "vision quest" dreaming and that sort of thing (no doubt related to reading Dreamgates before bed). The church has an odd layout, the rooms are laid in an inwards spiralling fashion. One of the back rooms we go through is tiled and looks a bit industrial.

      It has four big cylindrical tanks, all white. They're about twice and a half our height. I understand them to be part of some boiler system. A man, possibly the warden, is showing us around the church, some kind of introduction.

      Before this, me and H are outside. We just got out of the van. It's dark? I don't remember the grounds too well but there are tall trees and low dry-stone walls. H shows me something about a painting, which resides out here, on the external church walls. The painting is very big, mostly vertical. It's about one yard wide by four yards tall.

      The painting itself is kind of sepia in tones. It has a sketch-like look. At first I just see some eyes at the top, like part of an incomplete portrait, but as I move it around (because I'm moving it to hang it on another wall), the image changes. On some level, this makes me think of those "holo" images.

      Fragment:


      At a mall place with H. We live in a flat inside the mall, accessible via an escalator through a store, it's either a clothing or jewellery store. Some people I know from school are here, there's some interaction. Rest of recall is gone.



      Notes:
      - We went today somewhere that took us the same road that we can take when we went to see a pipe maker. This was recently, so I wonder if that dream theme was influenced by this.

      - The TBC->WLK dream theme probably came from a nostalgia of the actual WLK period and from having some interest in its classic revival. On the other hand, I have little or no interest in paying to play the game, especially since there's very little social motivation for me to do so. The last time I went on, the atmosphere was more "toxic" than I recalled, something I found hugely disappointed, making me feel like some people just never grow up. Perhaps when I played many years ago, I was just that much younger that I didn't think much of it/just ignored it or maybe it wasn't that far removed from daily life, but now it would just bother me.
      -- I still find WoW dream themes to be fairly enjoyable, since they do tend to focus on the sense of adventure, combat or exploration, which were feelings that were much more present in me when I was younger. I haven't felt a genuine sense of wonder about anything at all for many years.

      - In the area where I used to live, the mall has flats over it. Although the mall in the dream had a more "airport-shops" feel to it, the rest of the associations seemed fairly close to memory of home.
    2. ccxciv. Weird bicycle and family conversations

      by , 06-30-2021 at 06:42 PM
      30th June 2021

      Woken up by postman. Some in-line notes.

      Fragment:


      (going from end to start, kind of) I am with mom, she's taking me on a ride, on some kind of bicycle but it's really long, like ten yards long or something. She's asking me what I think of an alien race on a film that (in the dream) I had apparently watched. I am not too interested in the topic and feel that she is being oddly too insistent about it. (wake up at about this point)

      The whole time, I don't have a good hold of the bike thing and am concerned I might fall off but I persist in trying to stay on. (realistically I could have walked just as fast or faster) The rear end I'm at comes off from the seat area in the front, it looks a bit like one of those streamline cars' side skirts, sort of half-sectioned or something, difficult to explain. I'm holding on to it in a hunched and semi-crouched position. I have my regular clothes on as far as I can tell, wearing my normal boots. My boots make it feel very difficult to keep my feet inside the gap in the panelling.

      I have passing thoughts about how mom is being able to pedal this thing with me on it too and where I'm at a leverage point that should make climbing this bit quite difficult. We're climbing up on the small hill that leads to the newer roundabout, which used to be the P exit. We're on the cobbled pavement.

      A bit earlier, me, T and mom are walking in A, at the roundabout before the other we eventually ride up to. It's morning, sort of sunny but not. The surroundings seem different to how they should be in waking life but I'm not certain in what way. We get to a car and T unlocks it. He gets in and starts the car, it's some old car, maybe like a Mini or an older VW or something. We say something and then me and mom walk across to a pavement on the right, where those small houses should be.

      Soon I become aware of the car's engine being turned back off again, though I don't look. I think something to myself about it, but can't recall what. At this point I'm talking to mom about teachers and smoking. (probably intrusions from recent thoughts on both as concepts) She says you can't really get away from it (smoking) completely in that environment. We talk about teachers' pay and how it varies a lot and isn't quite adequate. Then when we are across and have walked along for a bit, that's where the weird bike thing is and when we get on it.

      Scraps:

      Some earlier dream sequence but recall slipped too much. Something like a game with T. We have guns and are expecting a massive encounter against NPCs or something inside a large building, but then nothing happens. There are flood lights and there's a cold ambience, despite the lights seeming warm in terms of glare. Some teens appeared and I think we hid or something, waiting to hear what they might say.



      Notes:

      - In bed, and before bed, I thought about lucid dreaming for a while and thought about wanting to do something with art or drawing while lucid.
      -- Also had thoughts based on the Dreamgates book reading, about how I have never felt completely comfortable with any name (even ones I've made for myself) and so I wondered what kind of names dream characters might give me.

      - Last night I started feeling really dizzy and just "slow" after midnight, not sure why. Wasn't able to do anything other than lie down and read a small bit.

      - Mom's appearance in this dream is no doubt related to her recent episode. On some level, any family appearance really ought to be enough for me to question reality, but it never is. She was half normal, half not, as hinted by the feeling I got off odd insistence, a behaviour I've only seen a bit of but am familiar with.
    3. cclxxxviii. Mining disappointment, abandoned palace, gangster murder and get away

      by , 06-23-2021 at 10:35 AM
      23rd June 2021

      Fragment:

      I'm mining in a cave with H. It's a mix of MC and BL, I find a block of ruby ore and dig it out. Disappointed with finding only one piece, I dig some more of the surrounding area, maybe two or three block radius. I don't find any more ore of any kind but I've uncovered this old and damaged wooden door. It leads into a 2x2 (blockwise) space, also mostly in wood and more realistic. It's all dark stain but looks old like watermarked and scratched.

      There's another door opposite, it has cracks and through them and the bottom of the door blue-ish daylight comes through. I tell H to come or something and I open the door. Then on the other side I'm in a small hall I think. It's like many palaces like ones I've visited in my native country, in terms of style and so on. There's an arching double door made of wood, painted white, it has windows on the top half and the rest of the hall has several large latticed windows along the same wall.

      Through the double door is a covered courtyard, kind of, it's more like a square and covered landing at the top of some stairs and apart from some iron bars and the stone-like roof, it's open to the elements. This roof is low and not far from my head, if I had claustrophobia I'd probably consider it to be a claustrophobic space. I look around. This bit has a pattern-decorated tile floor, white and yellow? It's relatively high here, some four or five stories at a guess and below I see a much bigger courtyard with a road and some dried-up stone fountains.

      I also look upwards where I can. It's an overcast day I think and I see more of the palace building sections, understanding it to be a convoluted layout. In the dream, I'm excited and verbally share my excitement with H, I think implying that I'll be taking it over or something.

      (recall gap)

      Arriving at some prison in a car, a road curves around the bottom of a cliffside and it's relatively flat down here. There's a look of North American deserts to this cliffy area. I get out of the car and approach the prison entrance, there are some purple-clothed gangsters that seem to have come out of GTA:SA; I shoot their leader with an oversized desert eagle, the rest of them become agitated and I threaten them calmly not to try anything or they'll be next.

      I walk past them, past the prison entrance and to a bit on the side of this prison complex. There's a garage and a damaged car. Someone fixes up the car and I take it away, with someone else sitting at the back. Then I see myself driving it in third person and when I go too fast, this other person sitting at the back gets whipped out from the rear window but holds on. There's some interface showing me their health rapidly decreasing and as I slow down, it returns a little. I determine that I can only do short bursts of speed because he must survive. Police chase after us but I am not too concerned, more annoyed than anything, expecting to lose them soon.



      Notes:


      - Apart from the fact that I had watched a Star Trek episode last night involving a prison planet, I can't really figure out where the GTA sequence might have stemmed from. It was an extremely casual sequence where I was not exactly myself and was more just a character myself.

      - The palace matched all of my expectations for how that type of place would look, single pane glazing, somewhat old and not taken care of, in a certain style, etc. I have not been to any such palace or similar styled building in quite some time, years really.

      - We have recently been thinking about playing Minecraft again but we haven't made any decisions yet, especially since we want to use some mods. I have some longing for mining and building, which both that part and the part about the palace seem to relate to.

      - There was something in that recall gap but it seems to have evaporated. I can only vaguely recall some disjointed scenes.
    4. cclxxxvi. Inferior laptop, Accidental exercise

      by , 06-21-2021 at 10:25 AM
      20th June 2021

      Fragment:

      Outside, walking through a town area of some kind, it's mostly flat, maybe with some downwards incline. I'm with someone I know closely, maybe J or L. There's something about a lan party of some kind. Walking through the town, maybe food or fast food is mentioned. There are eight of us in total? I am carrying a laptop around in one of the laptop bags we have here at home in waking life. In the dream, I am aware of my laptop being inferior to everyone else's.

      Something about eating beans? There's some kind of sauce, maybe chilli, but no rice. There's a familiar taste.

      While reading the exercise on p.78 of Dream Gates:


      I'm sitting down and reading this exercise thinking about desert, then beach and then home. From the windows of many of the flats people are banging pots and pans, my awareness or focus on this quickly fades and then I'm focusing on the cars parked around the cul-de-sac, which are warm to the touch from the sun, but there is a morning light so actually most were in shade. Suddenly S appears, her lead is in my hand and she licks my face; I lick her back for good measure because I always feel she needs to have perspective of how it feels. She reels a little as she would.

      Then she starts pulling hard on the lead, barking or growling at some passer-by and making me trip over and fall to the floor, vaguely feeling myself being dragged along but without any of the friction I'd expect. She makes her way to the hills behind the garages, it looks as it did after the shanties were removed but before the supermarket built. The scene changes to be next to the eucalyptus on that hill. Then, I have a vague intent.

      It changes to unfinished highway that would be visible from the hill. I'm under the unfinished underpass of a concrete bridge. I know there's a door to my left but I cannot turn or see it from my point of view. I feel it's a metal door, painted a deep blue, maybe a little rusty. Like ones I've seen somewhere before in my childhood.

      I sort of unintentionally break away from this and then just continue reading a bit more and then write some notes down for this.



      Notes:

      - Although the exercise asks for thinking of natural places and afterwards I found that my old home felt natural enough, because there's vegetation and bush in several parts and the building of where I used to live has always been pretty much on the edge of town, so nature of some kind has never been very far.

      - The visualisation came about mostly unintentionally but it was pleasant, especially because although I couldn't see S very well, I appreciated the fact that she was there as some kind of animal guide. I was always told by mom that black dogs are considered luck charms in certain cultures, so I suppose that was present in my mind on some level. Thinking about it now, S appeared very well and despite vague visuals, she seemed just as I have always known her.

      - The concrete underpass was shady and the unknown door could be a such a figurative entrance to the underworld and so on as the exercise suggests, even though the door might not lead down, it would go through earth.
    5. cclxxxiii. Listening from the bathroom

      by , 06-11-2021 at 07:00 PM
      11th June 2021

      Some in-line notes, in brackets.

      Fragment:

      I'm in the bathroom at the old home. I'm having a wee or something, I think I'm fully naked (probably since I sleep that way and if I got up for the bathroom, it would be the case anyway). I notably recall that the light is on (but there is no reason for it not to be and the situation seems normal enough).

      I hear the front door opening and notably I hear T's voice and a male stranger. I deduce they are friends and hear them come into the house. I'm aware of it being quite late and so I find it a bit odd. I can sort of see through the wall, mentally, getting an idea of where they are. T either comes up to the bathroom door to talk to me or I called. We talk about something but I cannot remember what and I feel pressed to put some clothes on to get out of the bathroom, maybe to find out more?

      The feeling I have around the stranger is mostly that of suspicion, I think because of the late time. I think about going back to my bedroom and possibly imagine it visually.
    6. cclxxx. Playful disagreement, Not myself

      by , 06-05-2021 at 03:17 PM
      5th June 2021

      Fragment:

      Here at home, with H. We're going downstairs and we get ready to go out. We have some kind of playful tussle or disagreement.

      (recall was too weak despite having felt very present in the dream, mind wandered after waking)

      Fragment:

      Middle or end bit of a dream, first part involved one of my aunts and was in a building. Later, in a town like my old town, sort of sunny but cloudy? I'm walking along the edge of town, slightly higher up than the rest of it which is in a sort of dip.

      There's a Covid context but nobody is wearing masks or distancing properly. I'm not myself anymore, now I'm a male character and I'm walking outside with this young woman. We're about the same age and we are a couple. We're in the middle of town at one point and it's busy. Someone mentions something about white gypsies and I wonder to myself if this isn't offensive in some way. I'm following the woman, she has a slim build but I can't remember what she's wearing.

      She bumps into an old lady a bit carelessly as we walk into a sort of square area, the old lady says to her "you'll have to self-isolate now!", in a somewhat vindictive way that implied she'd just passed on infection. As we walk through town we eventually become lost and we ask a middle-aged lady for directions. She shows us the town on a paper map. I try to figure out and understand where our house is.

      Vague recall but later, after several very deliberately "dream-like" encounters, with recurring characters that appear and disappear at different points and with changing physical features such as a lift that shifts it's entrance, we walk through a dark tunnel. Sort of subway/transit hub-like in style, just an access corridor, but there is no light, I don't recall how I am able to see.

      We then enter a different room, slightly brighter and kind of large, but still dark and underground. There are four characters here who block us, or have our full attention. They appear like teenagers or something at first and then morph into large and sort of fat orange worm-like creatures, their long bodies are sort of ribbed; they retain some human aspect, a face perhaps. They gloat, as if they'd won or something. One says "the human body is 0.91 grams of sodium. 68% sodium" and the illogical part of the math just passes me by but in the dream I'm so fully in the role of this young man that I don't really think like myself anyway. The creatures imply that we are be feed for something, either them or their master, but this something is small, I feel.

      Everything actually feels dreamlike for most of this bit, I think about how we (me and my female partner) must be having a joint dream and these creatures had invaded our dream to bring us their gloating message.

      Eventually they let us go and this idea and feeling passes, especially because I expect some dream-like transition but there isn't one. We go back to our place though I don't recall how we get there. It's also dark and dingy, most of the second half of the dream is. We have to get some things to eat, which we pick out of this small polygonal box. She picks something, not sure what now and it was apparently the right thing to pick, as a character appears and groans complaining about how she made the right choice. She had apparently sussed out that there were certain script-like sigils that had to do with the bad characters. I struggle to pick something myself, eventually picking this odd and partly rusty metal object with a somewhat industrial look to it. It has a bit of that rust converter's purple tinge too. The object has a hex key end on one side and the other end of it widens out a bit; the object is very sharply faceted.

      I openly ask and wonder if this is the right thing. Seems that it is though and then we are somewhere else. Still dark, there's a table. My female partner is engaged in some activity with her object, maybe firing arrows made of light? She seems obsessed, almost drunk with power or something. I try to figure out what my object does. There's a man here with us, too, he had appeared before in the dream and is some kind of guide, in his fifties or so.

      I use my object like a pen over the table and it seems to write in ink made of light. I effortlessly make script-like sigils like those from before except made of light. The drawn sigils over the table flash and quickly fade away once they are complete.



      Notes:

      - I went to bed somewhat late and I had looked at a few things in the shed beforehand that may have just fed into some of the shapes in the dream, such as the polygonal box and the faceted metal "pen".

      - I don't recall hearing or thinking about names at any point, even the woman I was with. She mirrored me in several physical aspects but I remember nothing about the character I was, I never saw myself, I simply "felt" like someone else, including physically to a point.

      - Many of the environmental elements were familiar to the area around my old home, except geological features, which were more like lowlands or short rolling hills.

      - The worm creatures' physical appearance seemed to be based off flexible ducting type of tubes and their orange was a sort of bright workplace orange kind of colour.

      - Odd that I felt I'd title the second fragment as "not myself", since that is effectively the (actual) problem mom had just last night.

      - After waking, most of this second dream did immediately feel very symbolic and story-like. My female partner felt like an anima archetype (especially as she later became apparently domineering), and the character I was in the role of felt like a hero archetype.
    7. cclxxviii. Flag battleground and gender study, Listening to conversation in the kitchen

      by , 06-01-2021 at 11:10 AM
      1st June 2021

      Fragment:

      In a PvP battleground, themed on Kul Tiras or something, lots of wooden beams and structures, sort of grungy and moody atmosphere. Mechanically it's somewhat like Alterac Valley, except each side has to capture ten flags from the other side and the flags would spawn or drop from some players as far as I could see. It was a long and drawn out battleground, I remember seeing in the interface, at the top under the score, that we had been in it for twenty eight minutes or something.

      I was a female night elf huntress, having a dragon hawk or ravager for a pet. I fight some horde players a few times but I'm not especially strong and do very little damage, plus I'm usually outnumbered. I remember using the aspect of the cheetah to get away more than once; we can't use our mounts on this battleground, despite it's seemingly vast size. At one point I chase after a blood elf, a death knight maybe? The level bracket is weird, like from twenty to sixty.

      Near the end, me and someone else are partly disguised (as what?) and we confront this horde player who had been running away from me. (In the dream I was certain he was much stronger, but he had a flag and I still wanted to stop him)

      Then it's less like a battleground and more like a department store in a mall, I'm walking around with these two people and we're talking about gender. There's something about how straight women are feeling misrepresented by a porn study? I felt like it was a diverse and inclusive study based on what this woman who was walking with me was telling me. It felt to me like the women complaining were picky and/or spoiled straight women, probably white in my mind.

      Fragment:

      In the kitchen at the old home. It's night time and the ceiling fluorescent light is on. J and L are between the two pillars and they're talking. I'm leaning against the counter in front of the sink, mostly just listening, occasionally saying something. The table is open/extended. There's a fan heater pointed at my feet, pointing toward me, I feel the heat/warmth on my legs. I point it toward them instead and J thanks me. The plug is coming from under the table, but in reality I don't think there are any sockets there.



      Notes:

      - I feel as though there have been quite a few dreams about the old home or hometown lately.

      - Not sure what brought on the thing about the study at the end of the dream but last night I was watching something from the 80s that had a segment that seemed (to me) sexist against women.

      - I just remembered "ten flags" is an actual thing, when I typed the title for this.
    8. cclxxvii. Not properly washed, Night in my hometown

      by , 05-31-2021 at 10:19 PM
      31st May 2021

      Fragment:

      I'm at a distorted version of the old home. The house is partly blended with a supermarket freezer aisle and a classroom, I think this is at the end of a dream segment that took place in a supermarket-like location. I'm nude in the bathroom and washing my hands. From a long distance away, I see JC (through a mirror?) jeering at me, saying I spend a lot of time washing my hands but that I still manage to do it so poorly. I find this comment hurtful because R (the tall one with the short curly hair) is next to me and agreeing with JC. I dry my hands, kind of poorly because of the towel, not taking away all the moisture.

      I leave the bathroom and I'm in the corridor, it's more like the rest of how the house should be now. There's something about ice creams, some Magnums. There are two on the floor of the corridor against a skirting board, seems like someone is keeping them here to save them for later. I think about how they won't keep very well here. On closer look they're not wrapped anymore, and their outer chocolate shells are cracked. I try and fiddle but only make it worse. I leave them be and go to my room, which would actually be L's room.

      Fragment:

      (earlier dream) I'm in my home town, like I've just returned after years. It's night time and I just left the house for some reason (emotional?) and I walk down to the shopping centre area. The path is more direct than it would be in waking life, the road goes right through where the parish church should be.

      At the front of the shopping centre, it's really well lit but mostly by phosphor street lights. I see some groups of people just idling about, chatting. A lot of them, I notice are people I knew from school, though some of them are black kids that used to make fun of me (M, R, are ones I remember). Unusually, I feel apprehensive over this, I think because there's so many people but I walk past them without being bothered, though I think people stare at me? This is the bit right in front of the bank, between the small substation building, said building is replaced in the dream by a ramp going underground (coming from the main road, the roundabout?).

      I turn left since it's the corner. This bit that should be road and car parking spots is all limestone cobbled path. I see MM and I walk past I say hello and wave at him, almost in his face, but he doesn't hear or see me, doesn't acknowledge me. He's coming out through some glass sliding doors. I don't look inside but there's a bright cool light in there. Makes me think or feel of an airport.

      I keep walking towards the open end of that underground ramp. Now I see D. I say hello to him too and he greets me back, we start talking. I ask him if he saw MM over there and he did, commenting something about him. We go down into the ramp, there's a sort of seamless transition and we're in a subway station. It's vast, more than almost any I can recall in waking life but it is like others I've dreamed of. It is well lit and there is a lot of concrete and some metal accents.

      There's a fair amount of people around? I get the impression it's quite late but I don't know or see the time at any point. I talk with D all the way as we walk, but sadly I can't recall what about.



      Notes:

      - I dreamed of D only recently. In the past when I've dreamed of him or the other D, it has usually been linked with personal relationship in some sense. Both D and MM were two of my only true childhood friends, but at the same time, I ended up eventually feeling abandoned and disconnected from both too. Besides from relationships and from family, I don't think I ever felt friendship like theirs again, at least so far anyway, though at several points I have hoped that people I have met would become friends like they had been.

      - In the dream it was as though MM was seeing past me, like he was aware of my presence but not acknowledging me. I remember he was standing still as I walked past whilst greeting him, expecting he would say something, at which point I would have stopped.

      - The point at which I felt apprehensive about continuing on past the groups in front of the shopping centre was mostly a form of social anxiety that I haven't really had too much of in my adult life. On some level, I was afraid of being mocked. The other dream fragment also relates to some aspect of this.

      - For the past few nights I keep trying to think about dreaming, lucidity and even previous dreams, but my mind always ends up drifting off and before I know it, it's morning. But I manage to recall most of my thoughts and moments prior to falling asleep fairly well.
    9. cclxxvi. Sea turtle on the road

      by , 05-30-2021 at 07:27 PM
      30th May 2021

      Fragment:

      In my bedroom at the old home. It's daytime, maybe early morning, based on the shadows and it's sunny based on the bounced light. I'm looking outside as if from the edge of the balcony but I think I'm actually not on the balcony. I'm talking to someone, maybe dad. I see a big sea turtle (an adult could probably sit comfortably on its shell) crawling towards our building on the cul-de-sac road below.

      I think to myself about how this happens from time to time.



      Notes:


      - I barely managed to recall this and only because of some random association, though not sure what that was anymore.

      - My dream self believed this type of sighting to be completely normal, hence the thought I had to myself in the dream.

      - Of my conscious recall between the ages of three and five (?) we had a relatively small pet turtle, living in some vivarium in what was the living room and which later became my bedroom. Oddly, I feel some sort of emotion writing about it, but I hardly remember any interaction with that pet turtle and I don't even remember how or if it passed away. I don't recall ever touching it.
    10. cclxxi. Giving dad some coins, Meeting up with an old friend and getting bitten

      by , 05-22-2021 at 03:35 PM
      19th May 2021

      Fragment (remembered this while in the car and thinking about money):

      I'm somewhere, meeting back up with dad. I'm giving him several old pound coins. I deliberately picked old ones instead of newer ones to give him and I remember ruffling through something (a cloth bag?) to get them.



      20th May 2021

      Fragment:


      I'm in a version of my old town. It's dark, night time, but no street lights or anything? I meet up with D (childhood friend), an accidental meeting. I follow him into a building, climbing some stairs that lead up to the ground floor where the entrance is. The building is the one opposite of the cafe on the main street.

      (transition)

      We're then inside his apartment, but like the building, it's not the same as it would be in waking life. There's a lot of stuff everywhere and I make some remark on how it's comforting to know that other people can also have this issue. It's mostly clothes, clean but unarranged and piled up. I forget what we talk about, but we discuss something. It's dark here too, but more like dawn than night. There's a cold ambient light.

      Then, I think I need a wee and I go somewhere in the flat. I go into this sort of secret compartment behind something and I forget all about needing a wee as I climb down a wall ladder comprised of metal loops in the wall. Then this part has a connection to the lift shaft. It's dark and goes a long way down in there. I look away? The rest of the room is some kind of cubical underhang thing on the building. There's a barred window in here at some two or three feet away. It looks much brighter on the outside, like it's daytime there. I look again into the lift shaft and the aperture is smaller than before now.

      I'd have to crawl first to fit through now and drop down. A mouse, two mice come out. They look clean but I don't trust them. One gets close and for whatever reason I still reach toward it with my hand. It gets on top of my hand and bites me. It doesn't hurt a lot but I feel worried about getting an infection. I'm angry at the mouse but quickly forget about it. I go elsewhere, not sure where, and there I eventually wash my hands in a bathroom.

      (there was a lot more to this dream but I couldn't recall much)

      Notes:
      - Before I fell asleep on night preceding the 19th fragment, I was again thinking of a general thing of Occipitalred's thoughts on dream awareness.

      - It's ironic that only just recently I told Occipitalred I couldn't remember any dreams about money but then just a day or so before I had indeed dreamed about the subject of money in some form.

      - I like to collect old and non-circulating coins, even if they are actually fairly recent. It seems odd that I would give dad the older ones rather than the newer ones, especially since in the dream there was some subtext of money being required to pay something banal.

      - The dream with the mouse is one of a few recent-ish ones where a rodent has appeared.
    11. cclxix. Family gathering, Journey

      by , 05-18-2021 at 10:32 AM
      17th May 2021

      Fragment:

      In a square or plaza, a place like L? Some kind of family gathering, we're right in the middle of the place. Some fuss is made about something (probably trivial) and L is there and maybe my cousin T. A throw is about to be put over the ground but as it is pulled out of whatever it was in, a pink skin-toned adult toy is dragged out along too. The toy bounces around unrealistically, somewhat out of control and taking a while to stop, with nobody being able to catch it. Even though it's not mine, I feel embarrassment over this since we're in such a public space. I feel this way because there are bystanders and I'm afraid of being judged by association?

      Later, I'm with my sibling T in a lava area. It's implied to be UT2k4 and we can do the dodge moves like in the game. We need them too, so we can cross a lava gap as we travel through the inside of a hollowed out tree trunk, which is all carbonised. I think to myself about it being lucky that the person who made the level didn't know how to do terrain properly, because it meant that there were very flat bits, making it easy to get across safely. I remember noticing and briefly inspecting the terrain tessellation.

      Notes:

      - I'd recently been making a level on UT2k4's editor but I stopped working on it kind of abruptly even though I didn't consciously want to. I seemed to have stopped after remembering and feeling sad that nobody will ever play my maps, since the game is mostly dead and obscure now.
      -- In that map, I finally learned how to do terrain, which is a large feature for the map.

      - The lava place was atmospherically volcanic, but I don't recall any smells or ambience sounds.

      - Thinking about the fact that I was only with T in the second part... We used to do a lot of things together and in the dream, I think as a person it seemed like he was more like when we were younger.

      - My family never shares anything about our sex lives or anything relating to that part of life. I have always felt there's an awkward silence to all of it. The spontaneous, silly and uncontrolled situation with the toy in the dream, I think it reflects part of this.
      -- On the other hand, on the few occasions I've spoken to my parents about such things I ended up feeling embarrassment, probably because it was never normalised as a topic of conversation.
    12. ccxlviii. Whistling, Old woman wishing to be left alone, Messaging Moonage

      by , 05-16-2021 at 10:10 AM
      15th May 2021

      Fragment:

      Whistling but wearing my work mask? Comes out as normal in waking life, kind of weak, since I don't really know how to whistle.

      (recalled this after trying to whistle while making food)

      16th May 2021

      Fragment:

      Part of a long dream. I'm entering a flat and need to get something I or someone else left there? There's plenty of furniture and stuff, it feels complete, if a bit dark or dingy; a cool ambient light? I enter a room and there's a bed, not realising that there's someone laying in it.

      I reach for whatever I'm here for. An old woman sits up quickly on the right side of the bed, which is for a couple. She starts sort of shouting with some kind of desperation and sadness in her voice, shouting at me things like how she wants to be left alone and how she wants me to leave. I hesitate, not saying anything back, and eventually do leave.

      I return at some point later in the dream and essentially the same thing happens, only with slight differences, such as things said.

      Vaguely recall being in an outdoor area, I talk to someone who's close to me. We talk about the old woman. There's a full car park? I remember taller than average vehicles, maybe like caravans more than lorries.

      At another point I am in the stairwell of my old home. Something feels distorted but it seems about right otherwise. It's bright, but from the lights, not sunlight. There's something about a neighbour, something about food? Indirect interaction.

      Fragment:

      I'm messaging MoonageDaydream here on the DV forums, telling her something from when I was about 15 or so?



      Notes:

      - At a first guess, the old woman is a direct representation of a certain aspect of myself that feels exactly as she did. Her emotions felt clear in the dream, though my dreaming self as a character did not react so much that I can recall.
      -- The old woman's hairstyle was somewhat like my paternal grandmother, but I do not recall who her face might have resembled.

      - Whistling is something I've tried to do for many years, everyone in my family can whistle and has done so since I was a kid but I only learned to do it a little bit very recently, the last three or four years.
      -- Incidentally, when is it not very recently? Five years, six, seven?

      - I had no recall at all of my surroundings in the whistling fragment, as if my visual focus did not go past my own face, in some way.

      - Messaging Moonage probably came from recent interactions, but I don't know what could be particularly relevant to discuss from when I was 15.
    13. cclxv.

      by , 05-09-2021 at 09:33 PM
      8th May 2021

      Fragment:

      Mom, new medications, a swap or trade for her? (not sure what I meant by this and recall is too gone)

      Fragment:

      Watching HW play an undead rogue wearing a T2 helm, he's sort of streaming PvP activity where he's killing other horde players but also alliance, not focusing on any particular group more than another. He is in a full party with some friends who are helping him with the PvP?

      (gap)

      HW is visiting me, at a mix of my current and old home. I'm with him in the kitchen, downstairs. There's a moment of intense laughter when I or he make a joke, sort of together, but I forget what it was about. We're about to head upstairs and I go into the pantry (what pantry, which home?) and grab the only two beers there, as well as an orange juice drink in a similar but clear glass bottle. I ask HW what he wants but he doesn't seem to hear me. I ask him again once we are upstairs, also asking H if he wants one of these things too. I have some feeling of concern about who will pick what?

      9th May 2021

      Fragment:

      Planet-landing, some colony and I'm? using a tank to take over the colony. Something about it being a job in planning by others for three years. I prove them wrong by myself by assaulting a base and then I eventually get some reinforcements to assist me. Then in a cave, the dream changes and becomes about wrestling or some form of free fighting. I remember breaking things up, made of wood.

      Dream:

      I'm in a place like L with H, walking across a busy street. It's sunny and looks pretty much as I might expected, considerably busy too. I see MB walking ahead in front of us at one point as we walk to wherever we're going but H doesn't notice or care. I feel annoyed and think to myself "yeah, you walk away you bastard" as I watch him go up another street on an incline, beside some kind of train or transit station.

      We eventually go up the same street too and H says he's going to call someone (one of our parents) but he notices the phone number is totally wrong for the contact, deciding to ring anyway and finding out who it might be. The other person answers and is equally curious and confused but they are nearby so we backtrack a little to a bit with a cafe. We approach and H talks to this person he had been on the phone with. I don't realise it in the dream but any awareness of them drops off as I focus on my aunt B who is sat at the next table over, facing an unknown dream character who is her friend.

      For some reason, as we get talking, this unknown character is showing me the inside of her mouth, which impossibly looks bigger on the inside than on the outside. Under her tongue, there is a pepperoni pizza pattern thing going on, but it's some kind of fungal structure that is an uncontrolled infection. I remember being told about this but in no detail.



      Notes:

      - The last dream with MB was about four months ago.

      - The dream recall for all of these is poor because while I did make initial notes, they were extremely brief and I had planned on getting around to typing them up sooner, whilst recall was still fresh, but the days didn't allow for it.

      - For some time now I have been feeling like there's something wrong internally, on a physical level. I worry on some level that part of recent dream symbolisms are related to this but I have no real basis for this other than some recent aches that haven't subsided. Recently I have been getting random intrusive thoughts about cancer, possibly since that's essentially what AH passed away from.

      - I had some more notes I wanted to put down but I'm currently distracted and have a headache, so I'm being unable to focus.
    14. cclxiv. Da Vinci's x-ray crystal, Helping mom by cleaning some dusty ruins

      by , 05-05-2021 at 09:22 PM
      5th May 2021 ~9:20

      Fragment:

      A(D) messages me on Steam. Something about his birthday? Think he feels lonely but he doesn't mention it.

      Dream:

      Some dream where I'm walking with H along a pavement, along a road in a forested area with the occasional field. Reminds me of areas in my native country. It's daytime, afternoon?

      At some point, we are at some escalators in an entrance for a massive building complex, maybe like a mall. H is no longer H. Instead, it's some unknown dream character following me for some reason; he wants to know where Da Vinci's lock box (safety deposit?) is kept, I think. I tell him "It's probably in one of the 800 ones".

      I know where they are and lead him there. We go up a lot of escalators and a few wide stone staircases with shallow steps. Eventually we reach a more open (and outdoor hybrid) area where there are walls with rows and rows of locked panels, the locked boxes we are looking for. There are many people around. Da Vinci's box is one of these just around a corner. Then L arrives, he cautiously walks over to us over a gap or hole in the upper end of the main staircase leading up here.

      In the dream, I know that L happens to be one of Da Vinci's direct descendants. Later in the dream I question myself about this logic, shouldn't I be too, if we are siblings?

      Either way, he has a key for the locked panels and opens one, giving me something from inside. A crystal. It is elongated, about one foot long at a guess, it is a perfect rectangular cuboid with slightly worked edges/corners, it is a translucent purple at the "top" and a pure white translucent quartz at the other end.

      It is a unique object that requires no power and allows one to simply look through it to see others and things through walls with a weak kind of x-ray vision. Later H, mom's sister appears, and she tries to steal the crystal which I had placed in an envelope. I confront her about it and she or both of us get defensive?

      (there was more recall but I was too tired)

      ~11:55

      Dream:

      There were many other dream sequences but this dream was about helping mom. She was still a teacher in the dream and she was saying that her area was not doing as well as everywhere else in the country, in terms of grades and so on, and I try to reassure her by saying that "kids are and will be different" in different areas, so of course there would be a gap, I reason.

      I help somehow, by cleaning up some dusty old church entrance arch area? It has faded greens and reds that brighten up a little once I clean the dust with a microfibre cloth I'm using. I believe the arch is all made of wood, which is painted these colours. I don't see a door to speak of, but the structure is ruined. Its pieces seem to have never been disturbed since it became ruined.

      I ask mom about the church, she tells me that it's been this way since the last great earthquake. I think that it would have been undisturbed for a very long time, in that case? It's generally sunny in this area, some kind of square at high point of this old style settlement but I am under the shade of the ruins being under the arch.

      Later, I'm not at that place anymore and am discussing something else on the phone with mom, but I cannot recall what anymore.



      Notes:

      - I'm quite tired today but still want to try making some observations for these dreams.

      - Red and green are colours both with personal and non-personal meanings to me. On the personal side, they show the exclusion of blue, a colour that oddly enough has featured on its own in other dreams recently. But neither green nor blue are favourite colours of mine, although it depends on the specific tone too.
      -- On the non-personal side, the colours tie in with the locality and ruins in terms of identity, especially because of the mention of the earthquake. Though perhaps an irrational fear, I have all my life been concerned that another event of that scale may occur some day during my lifetime, which would likely affect mom and dad.

      - The thoughts that L would be Da Vinci's descendant really made no sense and the moment of questioning all of that was a kind of pre-lucid moment.

      - The crystal was not supposed to be magical, but technological in nature. It was a very interesting thing to use although I think some part of me had unvoiced radiation concerns in the dream.

      - On falling asleep again after the first set of dreams, I hoped I would return to something and tried setting an intention but I fell asleep faster than I could have realised and realised later I hadn't finished setting my intents and so on.

      - Both of these dreams and other recent dreams have been especially reminiscent of my native country in their stylistic/aesthetic essence. I should try to make time to explore meanings in regards to this a bit, as I feel it could be helpful with how I've been feeling recently; I have felt particularly nostalgic lately but not of life there specifically, just in general of childhood and some other times.

      - The fragment probably relates to the fact that a few people I know are having birthdays around this time of the year, but more specifically I used to know A's birthday date but it seems I don't anymore.
    15. cclxi. PCB work, Library, Blueberry tart

      by , 05-05-2021 at 02:08 AM
      28th April 2021

      Fragment:

      Spoiler for short explicit fragment:


      Fragment:

      Repairing a circuit board but the solder is a vivid cobalt blue and the soldering iron is magnetic which annoys me because it frequently moves away against my will. I don't do too well anyway. I have to go across some traces but I'm not sure which ones and find myself wanting an original board for a side-by-side comparison so I can know what I'm doing.

      Fragment:

      AH is alive. We're in a library? It's dark and there are some computers too, I think. The shelves and furniture are all dark wood stain.

      AH looks much younger, younger than me, even.

      Fragment:

      Blueberry tart thing which some guy makes over at a cafe in L. This guy is a young chef, pretty stereotypical look for a white male of his age of that area. H is with me at some point, I think I become excited about the food?



      Notes:

      - I have recently seen AH's profile be online, this has confused me and I haven't attempted to communicate with whoever is using it. I have some sort of apprehension about it because I'm afraid of it actually being AH, which I know would lead to me ultimately feeling betrayed and deceived, again.

      - In the first fragment, my first thought after recalling was that the three fluids in question are inseparable parts of what it means to be a living being of our complexity.
      -- The requirement of satisfying basic needs is something that has always both bothered me and intrigued me in some sense. I have often wished that these mortal aspects did not have to be a part of our existence as conscious beings, but part of me also knows that a lot of meaning is/can be derived from the needs of survival.

      - Come to think of it, it's curious the blueberry tart involves blue and the solder was a essentially a vivid blue, too. I am not sure right now of what significance it has at the moment.
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