I went to bed early last night on 3 glasses of wine (yeah I know) and mild depression. I woke up around 2am with memories of a dream where my brother was very angry with me. I have these dreams fairly regularly, where either my brother, my mom, or my husband really seem to hate me and I can't figure out what it is that I have done that has made them feel this way, or to this extreme. I also had memories of being near a black dog -maybe a lab/mastiff mix?- who was viciously defending her puppy from my dog Cayna and I. I was trying to slowly back away and keep my dog from interacting with the angry dog mama, and my fingers were very nearly bitten off several times. When I woke up with these dreams still on hand, I felt too sick and too apathetic to write them down. I read for about an hour before I laid back down to attempt sleep. WILDs were on my mind, they almost always are in the early morning hours because I've had so many in these circumstances. I usually know I have to lie on my back and remain very still until I feel myself getting sleepy, then the buzzing/synthesizer noises come and then I feel myself push out of my body and float away from the bed. I tossed and turned and slept for minutes at a time until I returned to lying on my back and feeling really sleepy. I heard loud discordant crashing sounds instead of the more usual buzzing/synth sounds. I felt myself rise out of my body, and I floated to my right and up until I was against the wall. Where my face was touching the wall, I could see an Iggy Pop poster hanging there in the darkness. I don't actually have this poster or any poster hanging there, but I didn't think much of this, and I continued to float, but towards the ground at the foot of my bed. My dog's bed is there, and when I landed I saw her; her face slightly distorted like it has been in other lucid dreams, sort of snarling and scared. I tell her it's ok, I'm dreaming. As usual, I worry if I am really at the foot of my bed and talking out loud. I get up and try to fly. It works, and I start wondering around my house. The clarity wasn't the best I've had. My house was dim, somethings were normal, and others weren't. As I approached my front door I thought, 'Wait! I should experiment here. Should I meditate? (I've done this before with strange effects) Then I decided I would try to reinvent the interior of my home, because as I was trying to fall asleep earlier in the night I have visualized a fantastic treehouse/hobbit-hole house in a forest of giant trees. I closed my eyes and told my self that when I opened them, my house would be amazing. It didn't really work. My kitchen had expanded and looked different, but my old rotten house was still mostly there. From here I lost lucidity or my memory of what happened next. New dream: I was with my Mom and Step-Dad in an upscale department store/hotel. They were trying to exit the store by climbing up some rocks that were part of a display, and I was trying to explain that all they had to do was walk through a couple of hallways back to the hotel and exit from there. They didn't seem convinced, and anyway, had already managed to mostly slip through a crack in the wall to the outside sidewalk above. Then I was with my brother in McDonalds (!!! I haven't eaten fast food in a long time). We each had our laptops and it seemed like we were having a meeting. I was just going to order some coffee. At first we were trying to squeeze into a booth with 4 other people, and then I noticed all of the other empty booths around and suggested we use one of those. The dream gets even less cohesive here—my brother's wife was there, then we were either at their house or my Mom's. Dialogue happened but I can't remember much of what we talked about. A portion was about Shepherd puppies, and people breeding them, and how one guy had a web-cam on his to help sell them. I was trying to share my knowledge of Shepherds but no one wanted to listen. Then I was in a car, maybe in the backseat but someone else was definitely driving. My mom and her husband were saying things about me that I found really out-of-touch, like laughing about how I love certain things/celebrities that I haven't been into since i was a teenager. I tried to correct them but they just smiled like they knew better. Then my Dad called. (he passed away last year) He told me Happy Birthday (not my birthday, but maybe I was thinking of Father's Day?) and was his usual excited and goofy self. He also joked about me liking a certain celebrity and things I used to like when I was a teenager. I turned to the woman driving, who I could now see (and I seemed to be in the front passenger seat now) and I knew she was my dad's girlfriend(dream only, not IRL). I tried to tell her that I wasn't the same person they thought I was, and she seemed to pay more attention, but still didn't really believe me. Last, I was walking and talking to a vague someone and explaining to them how it seems that I must come off as stupid to everyone because it seems like everyone treats me that way. The look on their face told me that they also thought I was stupid, but was trying to placate me. Thoughts: I gave a lot of exposition throughout, so there isn't much extra to add. I think I have self esteem issues, anxiety, and guilt over not seeing my family much nor feeling very connected to them.
Updated 06-20-2016 at 06:43 PM by 91019 (grammar)
Morning of June 12, 1965. Saturday. I am my present age in my dream (four years old), riding in a familiar car with my mother and father. My father is driving. The car windows are all down and it is seemingly a nice sunny day, around nine o’clock in the morning. There is a very mild breeze. I am sitting in the back seat and looking out the window on the left side (thus I am seated behind my father, though this is not a fixed orientation in dreams where I am riding in a car with my parents). We are going up a winding road of about a ten degree inclination, which curves slightly to the left, which seems to be Mohawk Valley Road in Stoddard, Wisconsin, not that far from where we live. However, there also seems to be the essence of the landfill near Fort Ogden, Florida that I had seen when very young. As we ride over a small bridge made of logs (seemingly unrealistic for a car to go over) which crosses a very narrow and shallow stream, I notice an old mattress lying mostly flat along the left side of the road. It is close to the bank of the stream. I clearly see a couple large holes with parts of the material missing and part of at least one spring. There are a few other features that indicate that this may be a small landfill. A rattlesnake sits coiled at the top of the hill to my left, though unrealistically remaining in perspective near the horizon of the slope (even though my dream otherwise seems nearly as vivid as wakeful reality). Its head and upper body move up and down slowly as there is a soft hissing and soft rattle sound which integrates with the sound of the breeze in the trees as well as the nearly inaudible sound of crickets. There is no fear; only a sense of curiosity. The rattlesnake is too large in perspective relative to distance and it is also unrealistic in the sense that it is moving up and down in more of a loose vertical spring-like form, reminding me of a mattress spring. Dreaming dynamics and first-level dream meaning: Many dreams utilize biological foreshadowing of the hypnopompic jerk. In this case, the rattlesnake is the hypnopompic jerk precursor and a “dream sign” factor (mattress spring symbolism) of my emergent consciousness. This is validated by how it is moving up and down on the close virtual horizon of the hilltop. Note that a rattlesnake moves and strikes while a mattress spring (which it symbolizes) does not. This is because the rattlesnake is alive and directly linked with the organic dynamics of a hypnopompic jerk.The close virtual horizon of the hilltop symbolizes the implied waking point in real time, that is, the event horizon of the emergent consciousness, though no confrontation is rendered in this case and no negative energy is perceived at any time.Driving or riding in a car in a dream represents the viable threads linking back to conscious self identity (reflecting the goal of the fictional dream self to find its way back to full consciousness). (The road is winding due to both my body sometimes moving randomly in sleep and as being analogous of the rattlesnake’s movements.)The landfill setting relates to the extraneous thoughts (“junk”) that occur during the rising of wakeful consciousness, similar to the random and fuzzy nature of various thoughts occurring prior to sleep, when critical thinking skills eventually cease.The rattlesnake is also clearly a visual symbol for a mattress spring in this particular case in its unrealistic fully rising and coiling upwards and downwards. Despite my dream having no negative energy, it is still seen as a warning of sleeping on a torn mattress with an exposed mattress spring (which I soon learned to be careful of and which a folded pillowcase was placed over). (This is probably because of my very young age and not fully realizing that both a rattlesnake and an exposed mattress spring could be very dangerous.)My dream’s meaning and message is validated by my torn mattress being seen in my dream just prior to seeing the rattlesnake on the hilltop.The nature of my dream is additionally validated by the shallow stream, implying a “water getting lower over time” event, which is both biological and symbolic, representing the waking transition. Note that my (presumed to have been discarded) mattress is near the stream, the stream representing continuity of sleep, as water represents my real-time sleep dynamics, while the road represents continuity of potentially wakeful emergent consciousness. This dynamic has occurred in at least one of my dreams every night for over fifty years (and with water often being the induction factor).A bridge is a real-time symbol for a shift in consciousness within the dream state. Note that we cross the bridge after seeing my torn mattress and then see the transmuted form of the mattress spring as a rattlesnake up ahead. Despite both being potentially dangerous, this is primarily a visual transmutation rather than implying any sort of connection based on a non-existent “dream language”.It might be thought by some people that my father driving the car can be “interpreted” as a focus upon the one who mainly controlled the direction of my life at the time of this dream. Even so, that is completely irrelevant to my dream’s main precognitive message. Also, I have had hundreds of dreams where the driver was either unknown or an imaginary character.This dream also has the “contrived convenience” that many dreams have. In this example, I am on the left side of the car looking out the window. My mattress is also on the left side, and the rattlesnake, despite the car implied to be on a winding road, is oversized and remaining on the left in direct view on the hilltop. This viewpoint would not have been possible in reality, where the rattlesnake would otherwise have been impossible to see this clearly and my viewpoint would have kept changing on the winding road.
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