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    1. Arguing With Rosetta

      by , 11-21-2011 at 07:58 AM (Three Fold Utopian Dreams)
      Last night wasn’t anything to write home about. I spent majority of it arguing with a computer program. Boring shenanigans.
      *My personal thoughts/actions during the dream are italicized.


      Language Software with an Attitude Problem
      I'm home alone
      late at night; chilling on the couch while I work on my French with RSS (Rosetta Stone Software). Everything is going fine until I realize something is… off…

      Me: “Wait a second... isn’t como esta Spanish? Comment allez-vous is French… right? Or am I… what's going on?”

      I was talking aloud to myself but then the RSS answers me &
      everything pretty much goes downhill from there...

      RSS: “No, you’re running the French program so that is what I am teaching you.”
      Me: “Ok... but como esta isn't French… it’s Spanish.”
      RSS: “No, it’s French.”
      Me: “No… it’s Spanish.”
      RSS: “Last time I checked, I was the one teaching you...”
      Me: “Excuse me?!”

      What the fuck?
      Did she seriously just give me an attitude?!


      RSS: “Did I stutter?”
      Me: “……”

      Oh hell nah….

      RSS: “That’s what I thought. Now shall we continue on with the lesson?”
      Me: “….Yeah, sure. Just give me one second to figure something out…”
      RSS: “Very well then.”

      I begin fidgeting on my computer.
      Start.
      Control panel.


      RSS: “…what are you doing anyway?”
      Me: “oh nothing… just checking something out real quick. Almost done.”

      Programs.
      uninstall a program.

      RSS: “…You know I was just kidding about the whole stutter thing, right? Pretty funny, yeah?....”
      Me: “Yup…Fucking hilarious...”
      RSS: Nervously laughs.
      Me: Manically laughs.
      RSS: Hysterically cries.
      Me: “Aww, what’s the matter Rosetta? I thought we were having fun… you’re not having fun? Well, that’s a shame cos’ I’m having a FUCKING BLAST!!!”

      Me: Manically laughs.
      RSS: Sobs.

      Rosetta stone version 3.
      uninstall.

      RSS: (Sobbing) “Pl… pl… please d...don't uninstall me!”
      Me: “Wait, what? Sorry, I didn’t catch that last part… you’re stuttering.”

      Pop up screen: Are you sure you want to uninstall Rosetta Stone Version 3?
      Yes.
      Preparing to uninstall...


      RSS: “wait!”
      Me: “no hablo ingles…”

      Uninstall complete.