I had many dreams last night, many dreams which I realize kind of all faded and looped into each other. So it was more like one long and changing dream, fading in and out of states of awareness. (which made it seem like separate dreams.) The past two nights though I distinctly remember telling myself I knew I was dreaming and became aware of my intention for several years now to lucid dream but then I became more lucid in my body and I assume I lost dream control or awareness. Fragment: Lorenz was here with me and we were traveling downtown. I think I actually met her downtown. She was very nervous about something, and part of the time spent at this large school type environment although it was built and looked much different than mine or any real one in my dream. It was more castle like and large, like a private school or collage, with terraces and fancy architecture, etc. The coast of Lake Michigan was right next to the left or right side depending, how you looked at it, of the school. Again, Lorenz acted much more nervous than she did in reality or that I could ever remember her acting. There was some performance and many people watching and I remember I had to perform too. There was much more imagery but it all isn’t coming back to me. Anyways, there was a lot of anticipation, not all bad, in it. I also feel like a cafeteria was also a part of this dream. Sometimes, I dream of cafeteria’s and having to order food or serve food or sit and eat in one. etc, etc I’ve had similar dreams with swimming, and swim meets, although I was never a swimmer in my life. I have had dreams of swimming in large pools or having to swim and race in dark, and dangerous, scary oceans. I feel like this performing or anticipation greatly relates to the above little scene in my dream. And then later on I ran into Sherry. Sherry was wearing a dress that was much different but kind of like what I was wearing and she criticized me for this, asking how I could wear it and why, assuming that I knew what she would plan to wear. She was kind of cold and distant, but for some reason I gave her a ride home anyways. She was mean actually, and had kind of become mean to me in real life. As has everyone actually. This was actually supposed to be my high school however it was on the North Side, probably because of the times I have went up to visit and hang with Fela or go to a party. I was talking to Sherry and a boy I somehow knew. Fragment: I was a kid and I was playing with a group of other kids. We were roller blading in this hilly environment. There were many pathways and as we were roller blading the sidewalk curved and made sharp turns or was blocked by buildings or other things you can imagine would block a child’s path while rollerblading, like grass. Then, we we skating and trying to hide from somebody. I think there were cops or parents or people looking for us with lights so we were trying to escape them. I think there were vague characters I could remember and sense as people from my life but couldn’t pin point anyone by face or name. All just vague representations I knew were representations of people but what people, I cannot say. We were having fun. Fragment: It began that we were on a ship and it was speeding so fast I was so scared. I was so scared because I thought something bad would happen and to be in open water like that scared the shit out of me. Mom was with me for this part and she was comforting and assuring and made me feel safe. There might have been someone who reminded me a lot of a teacher I once had named (?) and he taught Math and Guitar. There was some sort of talent show while we were still on the ship and I thought it was really stupid and felt uncomfortable especially watching this fashion show that several girls put on. 6 of them fell or something. I remember that there was 6 of them that fell down. Some were black. After that, I guess we must have landed and everyone started walking towards wherever we were going in a large group, lots and lots of people were here together. Some of us knew each other. I stayed by my dad and I felt very protective of him here. I worried about him and wanted to save him as suddenly there were intense rain clouds but it seemed like it was going to be really bad weather. Like very dangerous weather. This dream was like the earlier one in that there was still a lot of rushing and I was running again as fast as I could but it wasn’t fast enough like always. Dad was running with me too. (This image and awareness of me running has occurred a lot in the past few nights in my dreams.) I have sometimes been jogging outside in my waking life and have had similar attitudes toward my performance. I am pumping my arms to and pushing my legs to try to go as fast as I can and I worry why I can’t go as fast as others my age or older or even younger. Again, there were some males I could vaguely understand and remember as representations but their identities did not come into awareness in the dream. Although, I could see one boy who looked and reminded me a lot of Mike Tr. at one point. We knew where we were going but I can’t remember or didn’t know so much that I could name or describe it for you, only that I could see it wasn’t that far away. It was walkable distance, which is why the ship docked at a pier not far away or something. There was water we had to cross, and there was quite a bit of walking imagery. I remember wanting to go back because although we were trying to get to shelter, I worried that if something bad happened we would need to get back to the ship and flee. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to my dad but everyone else seemed to chilled out and relaxed in spite of the weather. I think that the place we were going to might have become the animal welfare from the next dream. Next dream... (I felt like this part of my dream had lots of parts that were really like a second school I attended in LaGrange with many problem kids.) Last Dream Fragment: Then, all of a sudden, I dreamt I was at the local Animal Welfare where I volunteer. And my friend Ashley was there. That was where we were walking to. There were many rooms and confusing pathways, just like our welfare league. I think I saw Lorenz there again, but I know for certain I saw Ashley there. A woman who reminded me of the young, blonde character on Grey’s Anatomy which I think I dreamt of only because it was a hospital type setting. Towards the very end, these two grown women who held some sort of authority at the hospital and were in charge of some higher up type stuff sat in a room and talked to Ashley and I. They appeared very nice in the room and pleasant and polite, however afterwards I overheard them making rude comments about Ashley and I. Especially something about Ashley’s resume and this welfare had a very strong resemblance to representing a hospital I once spent some time at. One of the women said something like but not quite exactly, “ How can we (or), Who will hire her? Look at her resume, she spent a lot of time at our own school here in the corner.” And I didn’t hear them say here in the corner but in the imagery I saw a corner which was the school just like the building in Lemont which served as a school. I was angry at them for feeling like she and I were being made fun of and really felt the urge to stick up for her. Ashley gave me a book which said something about best friends. I felt stuck in this place. It was busy and hectic as always. The same nurse who looked like (First Name-Kathryn?) Hiegel ? maybe her name, from Grey’s Anatomy, diagnosed me with something out of nowhere. Something she said came from a friend she said she saw visit me with a beard. I think it made me feel bad and worry. It had a name. To end; in regular day to day life, I've been having much luck at least in reality checks due to the fact that I have been sometime convinced I am actually in a lucid dream in reality but I don't want to be actually convinced of that of course. I have thought sometimes that my dreams and my waking up from my night have actually been a string of false awakenings. I'm not sure if this will help me achieve a lucid dream or not, for I am trying to just keep it as a possibility and question it, but not believe it.
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