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non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

In a large room with groups of people talking, making lots of noise, confusion. I can't handle it, so I leave. It's in some kind of hotel where I am staying. I know that NightHawk is also staying here. It is late night, but he has insomnia and is hanging around in the lobby. He sits over some bench and doesn't notice when I approach. I sit by his side and grab his hand. He is surprised and happy to see me. Asks why I am here, I tell him about whatever I was doing in the big room (some networking event or whatever) and I would, in the past, be able to enjoy the chaos and take notes about the dramas between the people and write stories about, but now I am just tired and overwhelmed and have to leave. We talk and we get cozy and we're both giggly and then we kiss. I am so hungry for him, I kiss him like a maniac. He complains I am not even taking a breath and therefore I am suffocating him too. I laugh. He says he needs to go the toilet. While I wait for him to come back, I am approached by my aunt's personal assistant and helpers. Apparently my aunt Ludovina is filthy rich. They ask me why I am here and say that my aunt is crazy worried looking for me and sent them to get me. She was throwing a party for me somewhere else, but when she found out I was at this hotel, she moved the party here. They tell me the party will be at a hotel floor they booked entirely for us. Then I watch an absurd parade of workers carrying lots of food and gifts into the hotel. Like, one person is pulling a cart full of exotic fruits, then three black men carry three canoes on their heads full of what seems to be fish and seafoood, plus a whole army of caterers with other yummi things. When NightHawk comes back, the parade is over, but I tell him what happened and that my aunt demands my presence, so I invite him to the party. On the party's floor, the first room actually looks sad and gloomy, with some family members and nothing much happening. I say I hope it gets better and they tell me to go explore the rest of the rooms. The next room is a prank/game and is full of fake cobwebs and an upside down piano. I don't know exactly what I should do, but seems like I need to get through the maze of cobwebs. Then I notice there is a real spider on top of the piano, not very big, but there are mirrors positioned in a way that makes it look gigantic. I still don't understand the game, but my family teases me by saying there will be a few more surprises and then there is the banquet awaiting us.

I am at a university, like studying there and a young Colin Farrel is visiting friends or whatever. I see him through the corner of my eye that he is talking to people sitting to my side on a long concrete structure that serves as a bench. Eventually he sits down right next to me and he accidentaly bumps into me. I look to the side and he says sorry and smiles. I smile back and he introduces himself as some unintelligible african name. I excuse him but I say I know he is Colin. He asks my name and I say it but he is having trouble understanding or he is playing with me and makes me say it many times and finally spell it out. We make a bit of small talk but eventually he turns to his friends demanding his attention. I drop some papers on the ground, a bit by accident, a bit on purpose and get on my knees to get to see if he helps. He does offer help but I already finished gathering the papers, so no luck. Then his freinds get up and invite him to go to a canteen for lunch. Not the normal one where I usually eat but a fancier one. We look at each other and smile again and he asks if I wanna join. I say sure. I pick my stuff up in a hurry and go after them, but then meet some of my friends on the way who distract me and I lose them. I still go there, because I know the place, but they are already sitting and eating and I need to get the food first. There are no more plates and I can't find anyone to help me with that. Some girl helps me out with the drink dispenser and somehow I get some alcoholic beverage spilled in my head accidentally. When I am grabbing some cutlery I get closer to them and I hear Colin tell his friend that he likes me and can't take his eyes of me, but that I am a bit too plain and he can do so much better. His friend tells him he is being an idiot and overestimating himself because besides being famous he is not that special either. I find it funny that is friend is so brutal. I keep having trouble joining them because there are no more seats available near them, but I hear their conversation a bit longer and his friend is encouraging him to ask me out on a date. And mentions some advice from their friend Lisa Gerrard about relationships. My mind then goes on a rush thinking I don't really wanna be Mrs. Farrel, I just would like to date him for fun as it would increase my "market value" but in my heart I am thinking of NightHawk.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some kind of seminar, tables are set around the room forming a square and people are sitting against the wall. I spot a spider the size of my hand going under the chair of a lady nearby and then climbing up the wall behing her. I warn her, she sees it and screams her lungs out. Then some practical joker on her side grabs the spider and threathens to throw it her at any of us. I freak out and try to run away, but all the people sitting block my passage. He is on other side of the table (inside the square) so he approaches me with the spider on his hand and throws it at me. He misses me, but the spider clings to the wall beside me. Then the dresam shifts and I am in my bed, supposedly in my room at my mom's house, but the spider is also in here. It got cozy in a corner of the wall near the ceiling and made a web there. I watch in horror as some really big animal gets stuck in it and she is about to kill it. The animal is a rat and right away another rat comes into the web and together they kill the spider. Then I freak out that I have two rats in my room. They look at me and they don't seem afraid. Actually, one of them seems to like me. They come down and jump into my bed. I am not afraid of them either since they seem to be nice, only of the flees and ticks they might have. They seem to be some kind of hybrid between a ferret and a rat, they are huge and have dark stripes over a brown fur and the female has a red fluffly tail. She just lays down purring and asking for pets, so I pet her. She is a sweet, but her partner is more shy. I let him know it is okay to come over, but the female rat actually keeps him at bay, showing who's the boss. Then a dog comes in the room, it feels like he is my dog Hachi, but he looks like a white fluffy samoiedo instead. I am afraid that he'll want to kill my new friends, but instead he lays by the side of the female rat and she jumps on his back and all is well. I am amazed. I get up and try to turn the ceiling lights on but there is something wrong with the switch and I can't figure out what it is (dream sign missed). Anyway, I go to the kitchen and put some stuff in the oven to cook.
Meamwhile Riverstone and Nighthawk arrive and I say I am cooking pizzas and other stuff but I take a break to join them sitting to talk. I notice Nighthawk is feeling really awkward and doesn't even look at me, but after a while we get cozy under a blanket on the sofa and somehow I end up half naked hugging him. We have more people coming over and I suppose Riverstone is entertaining them in some other room, because we only hear their voices, but we don't want them storming in, so I grab Nighthawk and drag him to an empty room, push him against the wall and we kiss. We slowly slide down to the floor, we make out, but then people come in. I quickly sneak out through another door, hiding, since I am kinda naked, but he is not and he welcomes them as if nothing happened. I magically get clothed again and recall that I left stuff in the oven. The house is now some big place like a central train station. I have to walk a long walk to get to the kitchen. When I get there, it exploded and I feel despaired that it was my fault as I left the stuff in the oven burn and somehow caused a fire which caused the explosion. Then from the blaze comes a guy that I know in the dream has a crush on me - he looks like Raita for some reason. Due to the explosion he mutated and is now is 10 mt tall and has a belt with living people attached all around, from whom he sucks their vital force. When he sees me he says "now you'll be mine!" and he chases me down as I run through other people in the large main hall of this building. I try to head to some elevators but they are all busy, so then I go up a spiral staircase that is full of women going up. They all start to run up the stairs with me when they see the monster chasing me. They help me by letting me pass to the front and reach the top first. At the top there is a door with a bunch of locks and knobs and for a second we panic but some ladies come to the front saying they have the one key that unlocks it all. It is a race against time as the monster approaches, but they manage to open it. Behind the door is a platform looking over what seems like a zoo enclosure with lots of different animal species coexisting. Unfortunately not all of them are safe and peaceful. We close the door behind us and we get rid of the monster, but now we spot some wild boars and when we try to come down, they charge, not letting us go across the enclosure. There is an access to a lake which gives access to an area of empty land with a door to some other building. We plan to go that way but I fear there might be dangerous animals in the water too. Some of the ladies take a chance and jump, but soon enough there is a huge crocodile coming their way. I spot the sillhouette under the water and warn them to get out. They get out really at the last second. Then we are hopelessly stuck. Then I remember to call Superman. Nobody knows, but I know him and we've had an affair. It's guaranteed that he'll come if I call for him, so I start yelling "Superman, I am in danger, please come!" I expect to see him right away but he doesn't come. I call two times, three times and he is not coming. Then someone points to the skyline and nearby behind some skyscrapers, there is a battle of titans going on, but it's not Superman, it's a giant Spiderman fighting my giant stalker from before. As I call Superman one last time, Spiderman removes his mask and throws it at me. It's enormous so it covers me like a blanket. Everybody is asking why did he do it and I am worried people will see his face and get to know his identity. I see his face and I am confused as the guy under the mask is Axman. Sure, he is also in love with me, but I didn't know he was also a superhero.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

With Riverstone at some tropical paradise in Southeast Asia. We feel an eartquake, I look at the ocean behind us and say maybe we better assume the possibility of a tsunami. We run to the hotel, which is a 50 storey high building. But it is by the sea, so I don't know if it will hold up, but there is no time to go anywhere else this high. It has an elevator, with entrances outside the building, from a balcony facing the ocean and it is a scenic elevator with glass walls. A giant wave is already coming in the distance. Riverstone is freaking out, so I tell him to stay calm and I push him inside the elevator when the door opens. I press the button for the last floor and I hope the elevator is fast enough. It is very big. It has 3 doors frim the side we came in (instead of 3 elevators side by side, there is one giant elevator with 3 doors that take in people all at once) and it has 3 other doors on the opposite side (from inside the building).
The wave was faster than we expected and it hits the building when we're half way, enveloping us in water like a reverse aquarium. The elevator keeps going up, but on the 18th floor we start seeing water coming in through the door gaps and it continues for the next floors. We are afraid that the water will shut down everything and we get stuck in a flooding elevator, but it keeps going and then we enter an area with cement walls and the water stops flowing in. The elevator stops and I can't tell if we reached the top floor or we just got stuck. I think that at least it is a very spacious elevator, not very claustrophobic and we don't seem at risk of drowning.
But then one door opens and there is a large hallway with stairs going down to what looks like a waiting room. A couple people welcome us and asks for our names and says we have to wait to be called and then they'll test us for intelectual and physical abilities, as they only want to keep people who can contribute. We have no clue what is going on, but apparently this is some kind of rescue operation for a few lucky people who know about it. Other people sitting down tell us that the space is limited, so only the useful ones are taken in, everyone else is kicked out again. I ask what happens to those who don't pass one of the tests but they don't know or dont say. Then my name is called and I have to cut through a bunch of people in a corridor to reach a lady repeating my name. But she only called my first name and I wonder if it's really me she wants. Then she says the last name and it isn't me. But she couldn't care less. She takes me to a warehouse where I see boxes and packages and she asks if I could carry those. First she hands me what appears liquid detergent bottles, but quite large and heavy. I manage. Then she shows me a cardboard box full of something and I also lift it without big issues. I explain that I am strong but I have fibromyalgia and therefore won't be able to do continuous efforts for too long and maybe I'd be more useful in an intelecrual role. She scoffs it off and says they need me here now and I have to accept, or else they might cut me off. So I accept.
I then go around the warehouse trying to get familiar with the place and I spot a weird dangerous looking animal which looks like a cross between a spider and a scorpio. She is big, like 20 cms and has a squid like head, the torso o,f a spider and a long abdomen with two long appendices extending in the back. The spider thing locks in on me raises up one of those appendices, which looks like a tube with an opening on the tip. Then she shoots a dart from it, poisonous I am sure. I manage to escape it and to protect others around from also being hit. The spider then hides and when it comes back from another place, she has both appendices raised and shooting darts left and right. I use some plastic to protecf myself and someone else. Then wonder how this bug is allowed to plague these facilities and I think I will work on a plan to kill it or else I won't be able to focus on my job.

So I’ve been trying to get a lot more serious about LDing for this year. I very much need to experience other worlds right now. And it’s somewhat worked; I’ve had very brief moments of lucidity and even one OBE in the past few days.

Last night was pretty lame though. I only remember one non-lucid dream and that’s it. I was picking up something in a dark garage, and I felt like something bit me. Well, I looked at my hand and found a smallish spider actively biting me. I’m an arachnophobe so I freaked out. I killed it while it was biting me. It left a bloody circular mark on my finger, and for some reason it was purple.

I woke up shortly after that. I checked my finger and whew, no bite lol. It’s still a bit frustrating though; my brain felt so tired yesterday that my dreams were at a pretty low level of awareness. Which is definitely why I wasn’t conscious enough to do a reality check as planned.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At my parent's house, sleeping on the couch. Some news on tv about a poisonous spider that has been spotted in exotic fruits, mostly bananas and might accidentally be brought home with the groceries. I am too sleepy to care about it, but my dad goes around the house removing cobwebs and killing harmless spiders just in case. I later wake up and I am with Riverstone instead. I am attacked by some poltergeist and pushed and pulled through the air like a rag doll. It's not hurting me and Riverstone finds it kinda funny, but I am getting sick of it. I force myself to reach the bathroom and look in the mirror, wishing the spirit to show in the mirror. It does and it is a young boy. Slowly I realize it is a young Riverstone, which I tell him, by yelling across the hallway. He does not believe me. I splash the boy with water and smile to tease him. He does not react, he just smiles back and go away, but first, out of spite, he shrinks my cat Yéti to a hand size. I feel he is actually afraid of being alone, so I tell him to come around to play, if he behaves.
I then go to attend some workshop on how to renew some license on something. It's at some office place at post-working hours. Meeting is on the 2nd floor and there are signs pointing towards the direction to follow. Up there, some people are just hanging, others are already seated at tables, I chose a table to sit at and then some weird shit starts. It seems like this ain't their 1st meeting. Apparently they all know each other and some people complain about the teacher. She comes forward to apologize for something but it felt more like a public flogging. People get up from their seats and continue accusing her of many things, others hug each other in support and others seem to just ignore it all and keep on filling forms. I am sure that I got in the wrong group and I am stimming by kneading some colored silly putty I found around. One lady starts talking to me in french, asks me if I am autistic. I raise my eyes to her and she immediately steps back and apologizes saying I am not. I reply in french "No, but I actually am". And she seems confused, points out traits she doesn't spot on me. I explain it manifests differently for every autistic and that I have other traits. Then my french doesn't go so far and I end up speaking in english. Anyway, I've decided to leave, so I abruptly get up and leave. I reach the door and it is raining cats and dogs. A couple of people who are at the door smoking or getting some air, look at me like "well, you ain't goin' nowhere". But I step out in the rain anyway and look for my car keys as I head to my car, because I don't want to stay around these people anymore. I can't find my keys, so I freak out. Soaked wet, I sit at some garden bench and dive into my purse, which is absolutely empty except for the car key in a pocket. But then the key is broken at the top, I might insert it but probably can't turn it around to start the car. I think about having to go back to the building and try get some help.

I am just coming from my mom's and about to pass under the highway overpass to enter the main road, when a gate falls down and closes in front of me, not allowing to do so. There are military all over and one by one they shut down all passages under the overpass, with enormous gates between the pillars, cutting people off. They say this is the most recent quarantining measures, and I imagine my mom freaking out when she finds out. They tell me it is just over the weekend, but it feels more definitive. Supposedly we can still travel freely to East, just not take the road to north and south, but I wonder how far East we can go until we find another blockade. I also wonder if I just walk South over the hills, if they have put any other barriers ahead or if I could come through.

Zilla went to space on a research project, while pregnant and everything is just unbelievable. I go visit her in her lab when she is back to earth and my dad comes along and his only comment his "I still don't like her much, but I gotta hand it to her, she achieved the highest achievement possible" and I know he means "and what have you done?". And I feel such a loser, but I decide to ignore him and concentrate on my friend. I give her a big warm hug, feeling happy that she is ok and she goes on telling her adventures, which I relive as if I was actually there. They went on a ship like a huge space shuttle, which orbited the earth for just about a week and somehow had artificial gravity. Zilla had some claustrophobia at first, especially when first realizing "I am on a spaceship!". I see her seated to eat at the canteen with panoramic views to space and then going to bed, in a common room, with lower ceiling and also panoramic windows above head. Before I leave, she takes me to see the ship, which is now all broken after some accident on reentry (not on her mission, but right after hers). There are plans to recover it, but I wonder if it makes sense at all considering the damage. The middle section is crunched like an accordion.
When I am about to leave, I watch a couple, she is arabic and muslim and wearing a niqab and he is an american in jeans. She is yelling at him that it makes no sense that he left her. She says he turned a muslim for her and then started demanding she wear a burqa, while he himself continues wearing jeans and shirts and shaves just like a normal westerner. He doesn't have any justification for it, just says he wants nothing with her anymore and that she has to follow him to some place, like a court or something. She on the other hand says she is also bringing a case to court against him, so she agrees joining him to whatever thing he is also concocting. I follow then and take a sneak peak to inside the room they entered and all I can see is a bunch of bearded muslim men sitting against the wall at the end of the room, quiet and watching. Then she leaves the place through a back door, clearly upset. Unfortunately, four of those men also go after her and they carry knifes in their hands. I follow them to try to save her, but they corner her in the back of some building and I don't see anyway to help her without also getting killed. I hide under a tarp and see she manages to go through a door to some other building. But it is some dead end and they surround her and stab her. I get out from under the tarp and run towards the main street, which is just at the end of a small perpendicular street. I bump into a policeman and drop a camera I supposedly was carrying, but I don't recall taking pics. Anyway, one of the 4 men spotted me and is coming towards the policeman. By the look of the cop and the way he seems to want to delay me and not protect me, I realize he is an accomplice, so I run to the middle of the road and into the crowd. I hear the cop telling the guy I have a camera and possibly have photos. I sneak behind some panels hiding some construction work and I am thinking whether I enter a shop behind it or go down a manhole on the ground that is open.

4th October 2020

8:45?

Fragment:

In one part of this dream I had gone to a computer like mine (but was it mine?) and in the dream's context I'd previously downloaded a comic of sorts, about a giant elf lady who allowed herself to be pleasured by an also rather large but sentient spider (i.e. of the same level of intelligence). The comic was incredibly detailed but it wasn't tending towards hyper-realism or anything; initially I was very apprehensive as I thought my arachnophobia might come back (because of the spider's details) but I ended up liking the comic and the high level of detail. The backgrounds seemed simple or mostly abstract, colour gradients?

The comic apparently had 68 pages, but each page was effectively a single comic tile/strip and many of them only showed small or incremental changes from the previously shown scenes. The spider was a night blue or black colour? Orb weaver type.

Before this, T and I had been talking? But after looking at the comic for a while, I became aware of T's presence by my left side at this desk I was apparently sat at. I felt embarrassed and didn't like the idea that he'd basically been watching me look at this comic, when I thought I was alone. But he made no comment about it and I didn't bring it up myself.

I remember a beautiful pine forest before all of this. Distant and snowy mountains and a river close by. Think I was walking by its sandy bank. There was some surreal element to the area, like the area was an unnatural overhanging cliff? But I think the forest was part of what prompted the comic segment.

Fragment:

I was some woman for a short bit or playing a game as this woman? But things looked realistic and I remember no HUD. I was in a third-person mode and there was something about setting a record and using motorcycles to do so. A giant plasma orb and some controller for it. I remember going up a ramp in a city area. There was a very wide river? Reminds me of some cities in the USA.

At the end of this dream segment I had taken something which was really important. Some sinister and some natural higher powers all wanted whatever this was. I remember someone mentioning Aether beings like those of Minecraft:Aether. They also said something about those beings supposedly being more deserving of this thing I'd taken. There was a feel of being like Frodo or Bilbo, having something as highly sought after as the one ring.

10-11:00?

Fragment:

In an altered version of my old home. I was trying to get to my computer in my bedroom. Emphasis on trying because interruptions kept happening. I felt some kind of compelling to look at that comic again. But this time I couldn't even get to the computer, T kept trying to talk to me or something. Then I lost him somehow and got in my room. I was about to shut the door but saw mom away in the distance; the house felt bigger and more... diagonal. But I hesitated; I tried turning on the light for my room but it wasn't working. I don't think it was night time, but it was dark in there.

For some reason the hall's light was stopping my room's light from working, as I found that if that one went off, my room's light would work. But then T appeared again.

(recall gap)

Then, out in the night in my old town. There seems to be less street lighting than I'd expect. I'm at a car park near our home and walking towards a car, but can't recall the look of it. Something about getting in and then mom was there, wanting to teach me to drive.

I get in the driver seat? But it's on the "wrong" side. Then dad turns up as I'm about to get going/started and I somehow am at the back of the car now, with dad having taken over. Then some third-person view sort of top-down, chasing the car while some kind of crazy manoeuvring is happening and the car is avoiding other cars using the road normally.

Fragment:

In the sky, kind of? Maybe this was in sequence of the old bedroom part, but I remember there are some very thin but incredibly solid platforms, nothing sways and I don't notice the absence of wind. I just remember seeing sky and clouds, even when looking downwards. It was sunny and I walked down some steps, at a quick pace? I had some sort of objective or goal.

Fragment:

In a back garden. A house that's mine and H's? There was a messy grassy garden, unkept. The grass looks yellowed or dry in parts and there are many tufts. There's a hole in the ground and on some level I remember that it could be a wasp nest like H had recently told me about and indeed some wasps do come out of the hole, but I run past and over the hole. Vague recall of the grass/ground being soft, like it's ankle deep.

Fragment:

Either H or T, stroking a cat (using the foot). I'm more at ground level, like the cat. Can't recall if it's black or white, but think white. But the cat gets up a little and hisses at him, but doesn't seem to care about me.

---

Notes:

- I don't remember looking through all the pages of the comic, but do remember seeing about 20 different strips, albeit many were only of small alterations conveying motion. I have some vague recall of text but I don't remember any text bubbles or anything.

- Although I watched LOTR a long time ago, I did watch the Hobbit recently.
-- The theme of a valuable object being sought-after by powerful entities has recently occurred in another dream.

- Although mom did use to drive, by the time I was around she didn't drive anymore because of some experiences she had.
-- Mom was a teacher for a lot of her life, so it seems somewhat fitting that she would try teaching me even if she hadn't driven at all, even once, since I've lived.

- There were a lot of themes both about my family and about my old home in these dreams.
-- I had a slight introspection not too much later after waking, about this. The interaction between my "self" and the voice from my last lucid has made me wonder about the metaphorical meanings, as I have always had issues with family interrupting things or generally being nosey about things I'd rather they weren't nosey about, but this is only compounded worse by the fact that I wasn't able to have "space to myself" in a sense, when I was much younger, many of my dreams during my youth seemingly often having an aspect of wanting to be separate from my family, at times; at least to be able to explore certain things by myself.
-- The interruptions by T were something of a recurring theme during waking life, especially in regards to not talking about something that I may have felt was awkward or sordid. But in our childhoods we were very close.

1st July 2020

Fragment:

Long dream but recall up to this point was poor. About halfway in, I was going through a busy-ish city centre with some other dream character walking along with me.

Then a very obvious dream sign appeared, a tall woman in labcoat, walking away in a different direction, possibly wearing nothing else. She had flat and very black hair, reminding me of one of my cousin's hair or come to think of it, a sort of Cleopatra hairstyle?

I recognised the dream sign and checked the fingers on my right hand, but for some reason I didn't realise I was dreaming and I didn't make further checks. Something about my fingers seemed distorted but the number was correct. I didn't remember to do any physics checks oddly and I think I was also distracted by whatever my previous dream objective was.

Later I either had a micro awakening or another pre-lucid moment during which I automatically reflected on what had happened and how I'd been unable to realise I was dreaming, but again not realising this irony.

(Missing recall)

Different part of the dream. I was somewhere kind of dark. Some dream character was showing me something? Then some of this characters pet spiders appeared on the ground out of nowhere, individually one after another, there were only a few though. But for some reason in the dream I let my phobia sort of return and take a small hold of me, mostly because of the first spider. It was a black and yellow/gold patterned orb weaver, about the size of a large hand. Even in my temporarily panicked state I realised that it seemed more afraid of me, but I couldn't shake the feeling of unease.

(Missing transition)

Another part of the dream sequence where I was at some modern-ish looking house. I was not myself, but a character for the dream plot. I was some kind of elemental creature but I don't recall any details of my form or appearance. There were four other humanoid creatures of similar elemental nature. There was an absent character that had created us and one of the other creatures had been created right in front of me. She appeared in a cloud of white smoke within a glass room, which I was standing outside of. The glass enclosing this "room" made it more like a container or cell of sorts really.

---

Notes:

- This dream was a particularly good pre-cursor to the lucidity I had later on (4th August).
-- At this point I had been becoming more diligent with my reality checks but not quite so much just yet. Currently at the time of writing (13th August) I am far more diligent with my RCing though there are still situations under which I should be checking but still am not quite so often.

- My primary issue with my RC was really the fact that I gave up on the first try but this was made much worse by the fact that the dream itself caused distraction from my RC procedure, something that I'm a bit more careful.

- The bit with the spiders was somewhat unusual in that I haven't been letting this affect me at all in waking life but it may have been around the time when I've seen bigger ones around the house more recently.
- This was the first dream with spiders for quite some time now, I think.

I am in a bookstore (that looks pretty similar to Grassroots). I notice Susan Tedeschi in an area by a large window. She has a small group of people around her and is singing to them. Everyone is moving along to the music and having a good time, but I notice that a lot of the, Susan included, are frequently yawning (I also notice Seth from work). I know this isn’t because they’re bored, but because it’s late. Now, I think I am looking around and notice about six DVDs on an end cap. I grab one of the bottom ones; it is a House of Leaves movie that I’m not sure I knew existed. I think the front has a picture of a house, small and simple. The back has a picture of the house, I think from the other side, further away. In the foreground is a ‘woman’., I think back against a fence. Her head is definitely that of a human, but her body looks to be the body of a spider. It is proportionate, which is unsettling, I guess because it is something that should not be that exists so doubtlessly. I get the sense that the one half of her body is mirrored from the other. She is blond and though her face currently seems to be screaming or twisted in anguish, it is attractive. The whole image is tinted red and is subtly but acutely disturbing. There is a small group around me and one asks me to describe the plot of House of Leaves. I hesitate, not really wanting to, then give in. I say it is about a family that moves into a house, where everything goes fine until one day they discover a door that didn’t exist before. I seem to not remember much of the plot and leave it at this. My speech is slow and descriptive and more confident than I thought it’d be.




I’m outside somewhere (a beach?) with some people from work. Someone has asked me and Seth?to move some TV screens off of a table. This plastic folding table is very close to the water. We procrastinate until I see Rosy walking some people over here. I think they’re why they needed to be moved, so we do it really quick. I’m now sitting across from Lauren at a picnic style table. I’m cognizant of how we’re not ‘6 feet’ away. The background is of tall pine trees and a twilight? sky. An owl flies around; I lay down, extend my leg straight up, and try to get it to land on the bottom of my foot.

Morning of June 13, 2020. Saturday.

Dream #: 19,535-07. Reading time (optimized): 2 min.



My dream self maintains the instinctual awareness I am dreaming (after dropping back from post-liminal mode to pre-liminal) by becoming more aware while sitting in a bed near the ocean (potential reinduction). There is the typical indoor-outdoor ambiguity, with my bed in this instance being near a harbor in Antissa, Lesbos, though the setting does not have a more discernible definition.

My waking-life identity is absent. I am listening to an operatic aria (fictitious, I assume) sung by Luciano Pavarotti about Antissa. (I do not listen to opera in waking life.) I am unsure of the source of the music, but it is probably from a cassette (as my dream self has no recall of what a CD is).

The sleep-wake manager eventually appears as an unknown male, but he is in passive mode (non-RAS; non-cerebral.) I sit down and watch him create a painting. It features a black oval as a scene of outer space. (This feature represents a higher level of sleep atonia, which may be why somatosensory kicks in as the trigger in the last scene rather than a vestibular event.) There are sparse red and blue ovular arcs around the “egg.” I absentmindedly add a blue ovular arc to the image’s right side with a felt-tip pen. Almost immediately, I feel as if I may have been intrusive in doing this. I start praising his art, focusing the most on the outer space rendering within the oval. He does not seem angry or annoyed.

A reporter approaches and wants to interview the unknown artist. There is still indoor-outdoor ambiguity, though the setting has more outside dynamics at this point. The two men stand and face each other, about ten feet away from me. The reporter says he is interviewing “the aggressor.” I am puzzled by this and state that he is not an “aggressor,” though I do not know his history. I hope I did not embarrass him by saying this.

Soon, a sun spider (camel spider), as long as the reporter’s head, crawls around from behind his head and covers his right ear. I am amused, as neither man seems to know it is there. Another sun spider of about the same size as the first crawls from behind the reporter’s head but goes around to the other man’s right ear. The man ignores it despite being aware of it. There is no sense of a threat, as my dream self considers them harmless. I wake at this point with a sense of great amusement.

---

A vestibular-cerebral handshake did not occur as the waking process in this instance (as the result of greater sleep atonia but with a directive toward hand myoclonus), so it was somatosensory in this case. In other words, I sleep on my left side, with my right ear more exposed to my waking-life environment. The somatosensory focus was liminally drawn to that factor, especially as a spider often represents the human hand and its somatosensory arousal (though a sun spider is not a true spider).

---

Over the last two days or so I haven't been able to either retain dream memories or make note of them for multiple reasons. I do still have some scraps of memories left so maybe writing those out would be a good idea.

---

Scrap, two days ago:

In the kitchen. There's a fluffy, sort of orange coloured spider thing? It's in the thing that holds loose leaf tea for brewing, maybe it's dead or not but it looked crammed in it. It's in the sink anyway, and I turn the tap on and water pours on it.

The fur absorbs the water and it gets a lot bigger. In the dream this spooks me, mostly because it was unexpected, but then it somehow becomes a bit sexual as I decide in the dream that I shouldn't be afraid of it and I show it my naked bottom, but it felt like it was partially a taunt of some kind too. I don't remember any other details except that the dream started to sort of distort, weird colours.

Scrap, one day ago:

The dream just seemed to be a Johnny Bravo cartoon or something. I just remember some really crude scene where there was a woman with her breasts bare and Johnny made a crude remark in surprise.

Scrap, today:

Lots of being outside. Day time mostly, but kind of grey. Was in a van at several points? Maybe helping H. Memory of the dream has faded more than I expected. It felt like it was a long dream sequence.

---

Some notes:

- The dream with the spider was odd. Mostly, it made me realise that while I have largely gotten over my phobia of spiders, there are still plenty of types of spider that I wouldn't commonly see in waking life, simply because they don't exist here and I think that seeing these different kinds might still make me jump a bit more than seeing the ones that do exist around here. The instinctual behaviour of getting spooked by spiders never seems to have really abandoned me even though I got over my phobia, but perhaps it's also a sign that there's still more that can be done about it.
- The sexual part of that dream probably relates to how I've realised in the past that positive emotional association can be helpful when dealing with phobia-type stuff.
- Not sure what brought on the cartoon dream, as I haven't watched that specific cartoon at all in over 10, maybe 15 years?
- Today's dream had an overarching plot to it, but I can't remember any specific detail anymore that would let me expand on the dream's detail.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

My attic is still messy and I am trying to make it habitable, putting pallets under a mattress, using other pallets to create supporting tables in a lounge area. It is really big, not so much like my real attic. During the night there is a storm with strong winds and next day some friends warn me they found some windows broken or blown away. I ask for their help to cover it with plastic or wooden plaques before it starts raining again and they find even more windows dangerously dangling (the attic has a very high wall with windows several meters high). Then we find a spider about 10 cms large and very aggressive. We try to corner her to grab her but she jumps on my friend's face. We all panic. Then the spider makes a web over the entrance door and we are afraid every time we have to cross it.

I go visit a Hindu temple I just got to know, on a day of ceremonies. Strangely, most people attending seem to be white westerners. The ceremony includes a theatrical representation of the life of some saint or so I think, but she is like an African queen dressed beautifully in cerulean blue long dress and lots of jewels. But she doesn't behave like a saint at all. People don't like her, call her a whore. I am curious to see where this goes, but someone then starts implicating with me, because I am wearing a sleeping mask over my eyes and he says it is disrespectful. (And I am wearing such mask over my eyes in real life on my bed) I do feel the mask and I admit I am wearing it but I can see everything as if I am not wearing anything on my face and I prove it to people around me. They still don't want me using it and meanwhile I realize the reason I feel it in my face is because I am dreaming, so I get up and go outside. I summon my wrathful deity in me, my hair spreads out like Medusa's snakes and winds start to blow hard and really dark clouds form in the sky and dozens of really dark tornadoes start coming in the direction of the city streets. But then I realize I do not want to harm people just release some of my fury so I turn against the storm itself and blast it away with chi from my hands. Then I levitate up and fly away. Don't know exactly what to do, so I recall my teacher and I start watching him teach. He is in India, sitting on the grass on a garden, sided by a few of his older closer students, all facing a camera, talking about something related to my guru's activities. Later there is a celebration with Bollywood music and Rinpoche is in western clothes dancing and some other people are cross dressed. This video leaks out and ends up in the front page of some British tabloid, totally out of context. Later on, I am on a bus with other Rinpoche's students and he comes on board and gathers a few newspapers bought by his students and goes to the back seat with a somber look to analyze what the papers are saying. We barely look at each other but we acknowledge each other's presence. Then he leaves the bus but not without making a very slight bow on his way out, that only I notice.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I think I am inside a computer simulation. And I am testing my control of it. When I move everyone moves, when I stop everyone stops. I am driving through streets, looking for different paths to see if they exist and are detailed enough or if it is a simulation, will I find dead ends? Don't realize I am simply dreaming.

Then find this place has really poor people. I find a charity shop and check what they have and don't have. My cell phone falls in the middle of a bunch of bags on display. I go through them to pick it up and I find one bag on sale that has a pocket full of money. I discreetly zip it and take it with me. Some guy enters the shop and points a gun at me. He asks for the money. I say the bag has no money. He doesn't buy it and asks me to show it. I don't, I am not afraid. I actually move forward to fight him, but he transforms into a pregnant lady and I can't do it. I just remove her weapon an ask for her story regarding the money. I would take it, but if it belongs to someone who really needs it, I just won't.

Some Russian spy story that me and a friend get caught on. We trap a guy somewhere, but he can become invisible and he does it before our eyes. He tries to escape but I still catch him when he finds an exit near me and I spot him. I try to negotiate with him. He has some box, but I tell him he can keep it, I just want him to share some info and where we can find some other guys we're interested in catching. First he doesn't cooperate, but ends up sharing some info cause he sympathizes with us.
Well, it has to do with some dangerous animals like a cytotoxic spider he hands me over (from the box?). I start studying it. Later I am carrying it and also a miniature jiboia (boa) to Japan and I meet a fellow biologist on some public space. I tell her about the animals and that I am researching this on my own. Meanwhile the spider gets out of the box and I spot it near her feet and grab it before it stings her. She tells me very upset to just be careful.
Later, I am with Tânia and some guys, eating at some courtyard surrounded by typical Japanese buildings, with restaurants on the ground floor and some galleries on the 1st floor. I am admiring the beautiful garden that I spot through some opening between buildings and i spot Rinpoche on one balcony looking down at me with tenderness. I look at him twice to be sure it's him and I warn Tània, but she doesn't see him and when I look again he is gone. She says I am delirious. I go release the jiboia in the garden, it is not dangerous as the spider and for some reason I want to set if free. The bag where I have it has a little hole in it and the snake gets out partially and bites me. I release her near a small pond. Then I turn to talk to Tânia and she has my face, my body and my outfit. I see this clearly for some seconds, maybe half a minute, before she turns back to herself. I tell her what I just saw and she insists I am hallucinating. We wonder if it was something I ate or the snake bite. But the snake doesn't explain me seeing Rinpoche before, so I think he was real.

We go back to the tables where we had been eating before. One of the guys that are with us seems to be very into me. He looks like one of my first loves, Jaime, but I know it is not him, I can tell. He sits by my side and he gets too comfortable with me, but I feel disgust and push him away. Don't remember why, but he reveals he is a vampire and says the underworld needs me somehow and he was just trying to seduce me to take me along so I can help. Out of compassion I decide to accept his invitation and I go with some other guy down a large shaft that leads to the underworld. It's like a very large well. We go down through some lift and we land on a surface where the sun still shines and there is a spiral ramp descending to darkness, where the vampires live. They can face the sun, as this guy obviously did, but they have no supernatural strength in the light. So I stay in the light waiting to know what they want from me and how I can assist, but he insists I should come in and see for myself. But I don't trust him, something feels shady. But they drug me or hit me, because soon after I am feeling drowsy and lying down on the floor with my neck exposed and he is about to bit me. I put my hand in his jaw, he almost bits my hand, but I fight back and escape. He had just dragged me to partial shade but not yet full darkness. I run to the sun again, he says he needs me by his side as his vampire queen. I do feel a bit flattered by it, but I say I can't. I can't be a vampire and kill people, because I would break my Bodhisattva vows. I have to stay on the light. He thinks he has me, because I am trapped in the shaft and the sun is setting and I only have a little stripe of light protecting me, so he tries to grab me again but I just fly up. From the walls of the shaft appear lots of vampires and as the darkness starts taking over the shaft walls, they fly after me and try to grab me. I escape, but the guy that went with me is nowhere to be found. When I arrive at the top, my friends are eagerly waiting for me. Even Riverstone is there. We all get away from there as soon as possible while there is still light.
Then I feel something warm and moving in my pocket and I find a box with some of my strange creatures. Some eggs I had on water inside the box have hatched and some aquatic green geometric creatures have come out. I look for a lake to drop them, but I can't find one, so I head to the river with my friends. There is a parade and fireworks going on on the streets. We just try to cut across and end up taking a lift with a parade car.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

On my teenage bedroom, going to sleep late, keeping a light on.

With some friends at a party hosted by Björk.
I hurt a finger and burst a blood vessel internally, so I cut open a little bit of the flesh to squeeze some blood out, but instead come out little orange spiders.
I empty my entire finger until it becomes transparent and naturally it refills with fluids and muscle. It starts working wonderfully and I realize I need do do the same procedure with all my fingers which are painful and stiff, but I can't find the courage to see more spiders coming out of me, I am freaking out at the thought.
Then thorny vines start bursting out through my skin and I also try to remove them one by one and it is painful.
Meanwhile I am feeling a bit hallucinated with all that is happening to me and I decided that maybe that was it: I was indeed hallucinating! and I enter a strange mental crazy state, dancing like mad and Björk asks me if I'm alright. My friend Nuno says I need to continue extracting the spiders to heal and I say "What, so it was real? You did see it?" And they confirm with a nod.

Friend's mansion, looking for one of the many toilets, end up in the laundry room, which is bigger than my living room and dinning room together and has a fireplace.

My own house is attached to a pharmacy which is all made of glass walls. One night I hear noise at the pharmacy door and I go take a look. There is a gang of guys planning to rob it. They see me peaking though a door, because there is an all night light on illuminating the whole place. I hear them commenting that I'll be the final prize. I get scared, because I know they can get inside the pharmacy easily by breaking the glass. So I go back to the house, lock the door behind me and go check all other doors in my house. Then freak out that they are all unlocked and I can't find the key.

There is a festival promoting a new food, made from some sea creature or algae, that people never ate before. It is processed into some green waffle toasts and also a spread. I try the spread, tastes weird like raw pureed seaweed. They are asking name suggestions for the products. There are some names on the table already and I see one that looks like Okeje.

Non-dream stuff: A very long non-lucid dream. I only remember one part of it, that I held on to loosely as I was quickly forgetting everything, deciding this was the most important part to remember.

---

Dream sequence:

I was in my native country, in the dream context it had been explained why I think but I can't remember it. I was in a small town and it was day, looking to soon be sunset, as everything looked a bit orange.

This was just a typical town and I was wandering around and there was an old brown-stone church, with one of its doors wide open. I walked in, and I remember I was looking at the floor just before doing so and seeing a roach type bug, but small. In the dream context there was something about going to visit local landmarks. When I entered it wasn't like a church at all, but a community centre of some kind. It was deserted. All the lights were on, but there were many many webs... and spiders, weird ones, some almost as big as my hand. I was very wary, but something compelled me to continue and I kept my instinctive fear in check, wondering why I was fearing them, they were just stood there on their webs, undisturbed for years, clearly.

I wandered through the first two rooms, and the second room was at the "back" and had large modern glass windows that were letting the sunset light in. Everything had that orange light bath, as expected. I used my boot to clear away some webs I just couldn't avoid if I wanted to move further. After having a look around in this room, where there had been some displays of some kind, I turn back a bit and again have to carefully remove some webs from the way, feeling extremely wary of the spiders on it. I remember being in a room or common hall that connected other rooms and there was a bag of some kind on a swivel office chair. On topof the bag was a black leather wallet. Everything was absolutely covered in webs and I looked at the wallet with the intent of seeing what was inside and taking it, but I saw a slightly open door and could sense something. It was a very small room, a cupboard of some kind, and I couldn't fully open the door in, because of an object inside. The light inside the tiny room was also on, oddly. I reached with my left arm into the room and felt something stony and as I touched it, I saw the wallet and bag disappear and heard a female voice saying "You have resisted temptation. You are blessed with protection." I could "see" an interface icon showing a "buff" as in a game, but the context of the dream felt all too real.

I remember exploring a little more but there were some areas that didn't have lights on and were getting on for darkness. It is implied in the dream that I went into these areas, as next I remember being at a doorway in the same building and walking into my the room my mom uses as an office at home in waking life, except the view through the windows was part of the dream context. I found it odd to find this room, but didn't question it much. I looked at her computer screen. It was on, something about this feels emotional though I have no idea now what was on the screen, other than the fact that on some timestamp it said the date was "2013". It was 2018, I knew this in the dream context. I took a photograph with my phone of the screen, and I thought something but I can't remember what. I seem to remember that at some point before this in the dream I'd found something else pertaining to my mom, from the past also. Even in the dream I couldn't help but wonder, are these things I'm finding related to her mental health?

I know I went out of that room but I cannot remember more details, even though the dream sequence didn't end there.

---

Some notes ^{(spread out because they'd be too dense to read otherwise)}:

• The sunset is a dream-sign. I hadn't realised this before. It is distinctly different from all other times of day, and in my dreams it always represents "the end" (of time, in some way).

• Even in the dream I thought everything in that light looked beautiful.

• As I saw all those spiders, I was about to react instinctively and let out some reaction of fear, but the fact that in the dream I had strongly intended to go into this building and that I somehow felt compelled to go further in, made me remember my practice of trying to keep my fear in check. This is the first time in a dream that I have truly suppressed such a basic and intense fear, as far "consciously" as my dream mind would allow. Keep in context that I have been an arachnophobe almost all of my life until very recently, and that in dreams basic fears and instincts are much, much stronger in my behaviour.

• In the dream context I remember being told by someone to look at the local points of interest and landmarks because I could be interested in them and because they needed people to do some tourism around here. That's the context I had for the "church".

• The bag/purse under the wallet was magenta. The office chair was a deep blue, I think.

• All I can remember seeing on that computer screen was a few different windows open, and maybe an image as one of the windows, which is what had the timestamp. In my dream, I knew that my mom had not been in this office for a long time. It looked just as the rest of the community centre.

• I do not know why even out of the dream now I feel some strong emotion thinking about the date and the screen. As far as I remember, 2013 was no different for my mom, if anything, her mental health has improved greatly since then. But considering it now, it was also when I moved to where I live now, away from my native country.

• At some point in the dream I understood the sunset feeling like "end", though I'm still not certain what about.

• The community centre (which was actually the church, after all) corridors and rooms looked, actually, much more like a very stereotypical office building and some doctors offices I've been to.

• As for the context of my mom's mental health, she suffers from bipolar or something the like, but has it very well controlled by medication these days.

The being I met was a gigantic spider. His body was a lime-green sphere, with one eye and a jagged mouth. He had eight spindly brown legs extending from his body, and wore a crumpled purple top hat. He introduces himself as "the Wisest Spider", though it is questionable at best if the things that come out of his mouth constitute "wisdom".

The Wisest Spider has a long list of opinions on what behaviors a "True Spider" will or will not engage in, brushing aside any concerns that this might be a "No True Scotsman Fallacy" by simply not acknowledging that the concern was even raised.

The Wisest Spider continues to peddle his questionable wisdoms in his advocacy for the Breatharian lifestyle. That is, a lifestyle that eschews eating and drinking entirely, claiming the body doesn't actually need food to function. The Wisest Spider is himself a Breatharian, never eating or drinking, and attests that this is the "healthiest lifestyle".

Except, of course, on his "cheat days", in which he eats ("for purely recreational reasons" he assures us). It's not that he needs to eat, he just wants to some times, because he likes to taste things. These cheat days are, well, every other day. Attempts to argue to the Wisest Spider that his lifestyle isn't "Breatharianism" but merely "intermittent fasting" do not appear to work. He is adamant that he is practicing a "Breatharian" lifestyle, and besides, he likes the sound of the word.

////==\\\\ ~Wisdom~