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I'm lying in bed, because I'm sick again. My parents had gone out for a walk in the woods or something like that, I feel like they've been out all day. When my dad gets home he comes into my room and sits on the edge of my bed.

He tells me that my mum is dead. She fell down in the woods and died. I think of my mum falling onto a pile of sticks, breaking her leg. He tells me that the funeral has already been held.

I can't believe this. I ask him how he could have held a funeral without me - in one afternoon? I protest that I wanted to see her one more time but my dad himself has a distraught look on his face. I think that maybe he couldn't bear to wait. I'm in shock but I feel tears sliding down the sides of my face, wetting my ears. 'How old was she?' I ask, '58? 59?' We share the feeling of her being too young without having to say anything.

"Try not to think of her body," my dad says. "It disappeared in the fire I burned her in... Think of her soul." I think of a flaming wooden funeral pyre.

Some time later, there are lots of people over at my house. I seem a lot younger here than I really am. The adults stand talking with my dad and they each drink a vial of liquid that is supposed to make them the opposite of drunk. Some kids climb up onto my bed and we discuss that drink, agreeing that it is evil. We drink something that makes us hyper before knocking us out.

The news hasn't really sunk in yet, but when I wake up the next morning while everyone is getting ready to leave, I look out of the window at the bright blue sky and it makes me wail and cry out. "I want my mum back!" I say it twice and my dad tries to comfort me, but he doesn't say anything.

I changed my mind about posting the lucid. I can't piece together the sequence of events and have literally been agonising over it for more than a month which has been causing me to slack off on practicing (trivial, I know). So I've decided to forget all about it. It wasn't even an interesting dream!

I got up today and moved (apparently you loose memory of your dreams by doing that). Anyways, I was quite disappointed at the fact that I didn't remember any dreams from last night. Before I want to start trying to lucid dream I wanted to compile some entries in my dream journal to prepare me for what is to come.

After a couple of hours, I suddenly remembered a small segment of a dream I had last night. I was explaining lucid dreaming to my mom (or at least I think it was my mom - she was to my left) and I tried to fly by raising my hands and jumping. The thing was I actually went pretty far up and forward.

It was so crazy because I am constantly thinking about this and I almost convinced myself I did this in real life, but it is not possible! My mind tricked me into thinking I wasn't dreaming... I think that lucid dreaming may be harder than I thought.

Dream: January 21, 2012

In the dream, this occurred between 1 am and 3 am. It was probably a bit later in waking life, though, as my dreams always occur in the morning hours.

It ended with sleep paralysis, or maybe it began.

Either way, this was my first episode of paralysis since November. It was night in my dream, morning in waking life, and I felt smothered by my sinus infection and the pillow. Lying down, as I was the previous time. Maybe this time I woke up, or went back to sleep, or woke up. I guess I will never know. Tried to move some of my appendages, but it was late.

At my house, my parents were preparing to leave. Yet I was out of bed, wide awake, past midnight. One of them would accompany the other to another country, as they loaded and packed up the car to go to Detroit (facade?). Something earlier happened too, but the details of that were now missing. I had a cell phone, and they had a cell phone.

About an hour passed, then half an hour. I took some baking soda, and did a line in the fridge, preserving something that would otherwise rot if the power went out. No idea why I did that, but it was suiting.

Picked up my cell phone, either to make a call or receieve one. My mom was on the phone, though it was difficult to hear, probably because of the great distance. The voice was becoming more static, and fading.

Just staring at the wall, none of it made any sense.

I looked at the time. 2:32, 2:34, 2:38. How much more time would pass, me sitting here, alone?

I knocked on my parents' door, as it was closed. They opened it, and were still inside the room. "But weren't you just driving to the airport?"

"No".

"But what about the cell phone?!"

That was weird. They were also disappointed about the baking soda, as I headed to bed, and they began to argue.

Outside, the sky had a purple glow, and the streetlights were orange. I had tried to close my eyes, run into the window, because I knew it was a dream at that point. Yet however close I was to pronouncing it a dream, I just couldn't convince myself, for I was unable to escape through that window. There was an extra tree in the street, too, a sure sign that it was a dream.

I ran again, and they just kept arguing. Waking up, they were still arguing about some of the same things as during my dream, as I drited in and out of sleep on a weekend morning.