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This dream was not the most interesting. Normally I don’t bother writing these down, but wanted to touch up on my recall.

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Post apocalypse, me and a group of people drove away from our home town to escape an apocalypse.

Most of us didn’t know each other because we had just narrowly escaped disaster by squeezing into this vehicle last second.

There were three men, a newborn infant (belonged to one of the men), and a woman who was driving.

As we drove, we spotted a store that still had its lights on (not sure how because nowhere else had power) and wasn’t reduced to a pile of rubble like the buildings around it.

So we pulled over. It was a Disney giftshop of all things.

Turns out that despite everyone dying in the apocalypse and buildings going up in flames, Disney kept up with regular business hours.

The employees all acted like there was nothing going on outside.

They still took cash, even though money was pretty much useless now because of the apocalypse.

So we went in to purchase some supplies for the baby, which felt like a surreal contrast with how the world was outside.

Then we got back into the car and drove off, eventually reaching a city that appeared to be abandoned.

In this city, the buildings were all eerily covered in black and white striped fumigation tents.

We got out if the car because several of the guys wanted to stay here for the night, so we all stepped out and talked about our plans, speculating about why everything was tented.

An disagreement ensued because the woman wanted to leave, but her decision was outnumbered because everyone else wanted to stay.

The problem with splitting up the group was who got to take the car (the city had no cars in it, or they were under the tents).

Eventually the disagreement turned into politics (go figure) and got heated. I ended it by going with the woman and leaving everyone else with the car (turns out she just didn’t want to go alone, so she agreed to this setup).

So we set out on foot into the wilderness. The woman walked ahead of me and suddenly transformed into a wolfdog.

I was surprised because I didn’t expect her to have this ability, which I also have (guess we had more in common than I realized). So I turned into a wolf and ran after her through the forest. This made it easier to follow her because of my heightened sense of smell.

That’s all I remember for this one.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some place that looks like Monchique, where I am attending teachings. I meet some old friends, like Berna. One of these acquaintances sees me on a street when we're in the town centre and decides to be playful, so she invites me for a dance down the street. People find it funny and artistic. Then we all head to the tent where we have the teachings, and it is on top of the hill where the city ends and the forest starts. For some reason the tent is also very steep and people have to hold on to poles and other structures to stay in place. At some point people are grabbing each other and packed as sardines in a can, to be able to stay inside the tent. Amidst the chaos, my teacher emerges in the middle of the crowd to be right by my side. He holds my hand and kisses my cheek and whispers something to my ear, like he is so happy to see me again.

Boat on a Stormy Sea

I’m at an event taking place in a large, white tent, with people sitting at long tables in rows. I can’t remember the earlier part of the dream any longer, but at some point, a man on some sort of machine, kind of like a large tractor/open tank, bursts in and starts threatening people while riding up and down the aisles. He doesn’t actually seem to be trying to hurt anyone – yet – but it’s clearly a dangerous situation, so I head off to prepare properly before taking care of it.

I go some distance away to a much smaller tent, where my own things are, and start by tying my hair back since that thing has exposed moving parts on it, and I want to be able to get close to it without having my neck snapped. While I’m getting ready, I plan, although I don’t think this will be very complicated. I figure I’ll just jump on and start messing with levers. But I’ll want to take out his grapply thingies first so he can’t just move them back.

When I’m done, I go back a different way, past some fairly large buildings. The area is reminiscent of a university campus, and life seems to be going on normally here. A woman holding a number of small cards approaches me, wanting me to draw one. I do, knowing that she’s trying to help in some way. The cards are made of cardboard and are of varying sizes, as if they’re from multiple decks. I draw one which turns out to have a picture showing a boat on a stormy sea.* There’s accompanying text – I’m aware of having to focus more than usual in order to not instantly forget it (although, unfortunately, I did forget it between then and awakening). I take this as a positive sign. It also somehow suggests to me that it might be a good idea to see if I can get some of the other people in the tent to help out regarding the grapply things.

* Note: this is the symbol for chords with dominant function in the app I use to practice improvising, which is something I was doing the night before this dream.

13.5.22



Cemetery Campsite

I seem to be camping in a cemetery. Another tent is staked a few plots down – a mother and a young boy, who's three-ish, are staying there. I wonder whether I should tell them they’re camped on one of the graves that’s supposed to be haunted.

We eventually do meet up somehow, and I show them the way to a local bank at her request. She meets with a couple of her relatives there, including an older woman who reminds me of somebody I know, who is looking after the child (who I now know is called Eliot) while she does something there. Eliot suddenly runs out of the building, and the woman follows, chasing him. I think she may need some help though, and so I wait around the opposite corner of the building and catch Eliot as he rounds it. He immediately starts crying.

Sometime after that – back at the campsite – the woman has given me a bone with some meat on it to cook over a small fire. However, as I hold it over the flame, I notice there’s hardly any meat there at all – just a couple little scraps.

Upon awakening, I also remembered a piano ostinato playing – not as a background of the dream, but as if it had somehow been going through my mind at the same time, apart from it. I didn’t check the pitches soon enough after the dream to be able to put it in a definite key, but this is what it sounded like:



-15.5.22


Lots of interesting dreams lately. I'm not going to copy them all here, but highlights include:

-Preparing for a chess match against a guy who likes to send his bishop in for a sacrifice on the f-pawn early in the game. I find this annoying and intend to make sure, through my own choice of moves, that this is not going to be an appealing option for him.

-Lots of hostels and hotels.

-Attending a concert on a campus but leaving after my rowdy friends got kicked out since it’s not really worth being there without them.

-A lucid dream mostly consisting of talking to people and exploring.

Attached Thumbnails

 

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At a high school, but I feel like just a visitor. Billie Eilish gave a concert there the previous day. Now I meet Claudia, the girl who kinda gave me the push to discover Billie, and I just realized she looks like her a lot and she even died her hair like her. She has a serious crush and I recall my own crush for Björk when I was her age. But I also like Billie and I have a song stuck in my mind and start singing it out loud. So Claudia joins me in it. She is also a singer, but like me, our paths took us different ways from a musical career and I think about how that is sad but also ok, because not everybody can be talented in the same way or doing the same thing.
I then meet Zilla, Licas and other girlfriends from high school and they join us. We talk, we sing and we do something like an homage or invocation of someone who passed away. Then we go to the cafeteria and while we are snacking, the girls look at me scared, saying that my whole face his covered in red scars. I look in a mirror and I look like someone burned my face all around with a flaming iron. But I don't feel any pain. Then the girl to my side also shows the marks and the others freak out and try to distance themselves from us, suggesting we did something that caused that. But I am sure I didn't. Then I see the lines showing up also on their faces and someone suggests it is the spirit of the person we invoked, and that it means she never forgave us for some event in which she felt abandoned by us.
We decide to leave and take a bus home, but as we go across the school I notice how strange it looks, like it is some medieval tavern inside a cave and I get lucid. I spot a slit on the cave ceiling through which sunlight shines in. I fly up and go through the slit, but I am taken to another cave, bigger, more open to the outside. It has a sandy beach inside and people having fun there. A dog jumped from a rock above and I worry that he got hurt as he fell in a zone with more rocks and not sand, but he gets up ok and the owners laugh and say he is fine. I fly higher up and enjoy the beauty of the rock formations. Then I get really outside and it is a canyon with really amazing shapes. Then I fly over a countryside landscape and I see all sorts of natural things but also crazy things, like 4 horses doing a tik tok dance, but mostly just beautiful landscape with mountains, small rural villages. And then I reach a barrier of clouds above me and when I go through it, there is nothing above, just the outer layers of the atmosphere and all of a sudden I feel scared with the idea of just floating in a totally empty space. So I go down. I land on a village and rub my hands to increase lucidity. I wonder what to do and I think about seeing my teacher. But when I do, I never get to see him. Still, I see a hotel and I go in to see if he's there. Someone does call my name but it is some old friend from Italy or France (not sure whom). He is gathered around a table with some people both in casual clothes but also some in navy and military uniforms. He asks me to join them. At the top of the table they have like a poster with a letter from the Queen of England, who is like their virtual guest of this lunch. They were invited and the food is all they can eat, paid by the Queen. I wonder what's the occasion, but I just say thanks and leave. Not my goal and I notice my strategy didn't work. So I go outside again, to rethink what to do, but lucidity fades and I wake up.


I am at some kind of event on a tent. Some familiar faces sitting on yoga mats and cushions and also on seats disposes in an amphitheater to the back of the tent. I go outside for a bit of fresh air and give back a mat to a girl who borrowed me hers. I think it was Alicja. But some other girl comes to me a bit upset that I mixed the mats and that this one is hers instead. I apologize and as I talk to them I spot my teacher at the end of the road leading to the entrance of the tent. He is being inconspicuous and he is wearing a mask, but I spot him. I think he sees me too, but I pretend I haven't or that I didn't make a bit deal out of it. Then I lose sight of him. I go inside the tent again and the organizers are asking people to sit at some empty chairs at the top of the amphitheater area, to distribute people more homogeneously. Then I spot my teacher sitting there and some empty seats next to him. So I decide to go seat near him. I pass in front of him and sit two chairs away, because between us there is one guy. I only take a brief look, when passing in front of him and take a small bow to acknowledge his presence. Then I sit there quietly, sucking a lollipop. He also plays it cool, but once the whatever shows starts, he keeps making quick stares at me, so I also look once and we cross eyes and we just lose ourselves in it.

Outside in a parking lot there is what looks like a small carnival/festival tent over some seating. The tent is very low, only a few feet off the ground, causing me to wonder what kind of effect that has on the spread of the virus. I see that it’s a Brewer’s Cabinet ‘information’ tent - it’s spelled out in small light bulbs. They are serving tasters and I think it, with it being dim and nice outside, would be fun. I go into the main building though; it has a mostly light wood interior. I pass through two vestibule type spaces, each only big enough for a person or two. The first has greetings written in various neon colors all over. I think there’s also a menu that I largely pass over. The second space has the beer menu taking up at least two walls and also written in neon colors. There are a few gold winning beers at the top. Each beer is labeled with who brewed it; at the very bottom, this includes even the janitorial staff. I wonder about how good those are. I notice mostly IPAs, but a fair selection of others. At this point, someone comes over to take my order. I’m still looking, so she recommends a brown ale that you then email the brewer with what it tastes like. (I think it’s supposed to ‘taste like poop’?) I tell her no, look for a tiny bit longer, then end up picking it, I think just because a brown sounds good anyway. They tell me its 8.8% and 8 something else, maybe the price? I’m outside with the beer now. I try it and it’s smooth, kind of light, chocolatey, and pretty good. The glass seems somewhat small. I ask a passing server if they have chicken tenders and he chuckles and says not really because they’re so dry. (I think of the ones I got once at Claim Jumpers). I think Melissa is here now, and we’re sitting. There is quite a bit of seating. We put up an umbrella that is pretty structurally unsound.

Melissa and I have had a baby. We are somewhere outside where there are a bunch of tents set up - like camping tents, but I think slightly bigger. I think all of these tents are for couples and their newborns. I also think this is the first time we get to see our kid. Sitting outside of the tent, the baby is revealed to me. When I first see her I cannot help but to grin and be filled with joy. She is chunky but very pretty, with fine, yellow hair. We have named her Makayla, and, in fact, she looks like both Makayla and myself as babies. She crawls around, smiling and laughing (it looks like she’s around six months old). She gets that same devious expression on her face that I sometimes get and it causes me to feel excited. ‘She is spunky’, I think, imagining the years to come. I play around with her, making her laugh, giving her kisses. I tell her jokes and I think she actually talks back (not 100% mature, but definitely too advanced for her age). Now, I am leaving to go to a Starbucks that is right by here to reheat a drink for Mom. I walk through some storefronts along a slightly winding paved area and don’t notice anyone else out. Just as I come up on the Starbucks, I realize that I am not wearing a mask and that they may not take kindly to that here. Moreover and probably more importantly, I realize that I am completely naked. I become aware of my bare torso, backside, and penis juxtaposed against this setting. I wonder about the legality of this and then go back to get the coffee that I’ve forgotten anyway. I come back, this time clothed, but without the coffee. There are people wearing face masks and waiting, distanced from each other. The barista behind the counter sees me and goes to take my order, but I tell him I forgot something and I’ll be right back. Now, I am taking the coffee out of a microwave (not sure if it’s in the Starbucks or not). It looks like a short sized cup of a tan colored coffee drink. There is ice in it, but I think it may also be hot? I try it and it’s creamy and really not all that good. Mom is here, sitting on a long, brown leather couch. She takes the drink, tries it, and agrees with me. I am back with Melissa now and we are going to go home with our kid. I think about what life is going to be like now with a baby, specifically the nights.




I am with Dad somewhere and he’s talking about walking around some of the houses in this neighborhood (I think they are nice). I’m looking at one across the street right now. It is right next to the asphalt street and looks to be completely a glass curtain wall with vertical supports every ten feet or so. Right now it is mostly a reflection, so it’s almost as if it’s disguised, not there. Dad says he was walking by one and taking a picture and then he thought someone was about to come out and punch him - except it was just a woman? He says he offered to show her the pictures, that they’re just scenery and nothing bad. I tell him I feel weird/bad about taking pictures sometimes, too. Dad’s going to go for a walk right now and is offering for me to come. I look out and slightly to the right and see a woman walking up a slight ravine in a mostly green hillside.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I pass through a small secondhand fair. One lady is annoyingly wanting me to buy a book collection from her. I get away and enter a war game simulation area. But it turns real pretty quickly, as soon as I realize the bullets shot are real ammunition. I pick a gun from a guy on the ground, presumably dead and I go upstream along a river. End up in a garden with people dancing. No war here. But I was followed by a guy that threatens everybody with a grenade. He arms it and throws it at me. I try that trick from the movies, of kicking it away. But then Rinpoche comes out of nowhere once again, catches it and after throwing me a defying look, throws it back at me. I feel like "Whaaaat?" and panic a little bit. But almost immediately realize, with my absolute trust in my guru, that this grenade represents no danger and that I can do whatever with it. So I hold it in my hands and try to turn it into a lotus flower. Unfortunately all I succeed in doing is turning it into sort of a flower made of rags. I feel disappointed, but then Rinpoche approaches me and turns these rags into a tent and invites me to step inside it with him.

With my parents having vacations in Brazil. We go to some festival which is in a semi rural and forested area in the outskirts of a little town. Soon after we arrived, we start seeing smoke from distant fires in the forest. We discuss how it might get dark sooner because of it. But we think we're safe. It seems very distant.
I see banners from locals supporting Bolsonaro and I feel angry. I make a nasty comment and some man hears and he's not happy. I tell him that I love Brazil and its people, but I just can't accept that man they chose for president. Later we're walking through a street with restaurants and I spot some curtains of a place, on fire. Then look around and also see some vegetation on fire. As I raise the alarm, we notice there are fires spreading a bit everywhere, from sparks coming through the air from far away. We decide to grab our things and leave this area before it gets serious. But general panic ensues and to make things worse, as we head to the car in the parking lot at the entrance of the venue, there are landslides and large boulders falling onto the road we're taking and people are getting blocked. For a while I lose my parents in the crowd, but soon after my mom appears. As we find a safe way out, she complains about the things I chose to bring on our backpack and I don't get why she is commenting that until I realize we can't go back to our tent to get most of our stuff that we left behind and I feel awful for that.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I am Lawrence of Arabia, female version. On a train with westerners and arabs. The train is diverted to a remote village, hijacked. We are taken along. I confront the thieves, but they present me their arguments and we end up staying there, both as prisoners and guests. The men want me and women hate me, both because I am very voluptuous and attractive. I am accompanied by two ladies who are always covering me and blocking the men's looks.

At some strategy meeting, Clara is talking, presenting a project and asking for backup. Everybody rejects it and turns away. I am the only staying and supporting it. She gives up and rips the papers apart and goes to a bar next door. She leaves her purse and camera behind, so I grab her things and meet her at the bar, which is more like a coffee shop and other friends I know are there too with her. Somehow she is surprised that I brought her stuff. Including money she had left on the table.

At my far, the gate is broken, some of my dogs are out. My dad is fixing it from the inside, I go outside and block it with something so that the dongs don't run away. When I turn away, I am now on an apartment of which I can't find the exit door. On the bathroom I see a ghost. It tries to lock the door and trap me, but I manage to escape.
Some brazilian dude rings the bell and I finally find the door. He is pushing some campaign and offers me cake. wants to come inside. I say the house is haunted and he still offers to go inside and check it for me. But I choose walking out instead.

At my university campus, some celebration with live music and tents. I am trapped under and inside one. I try again going outside but they engulf me. I fly through the ceiling, but don't get outside, just to a different place, like an office. At this office, people have their dogs and cats with them. I pet some of the animals. Then some lady has two babies and asks for my help. They are adorable. One had vomited and the other needs her eyes cleaned up. I tell the mom to go get proper cleaning products while I take care of the babies who fall asleep in my arms.

In a large dojo style tent with white canvas. There is quite a lot of space about the size of a restaurant
The kids are getting out of hand, although they seem very young and I am training them with some exercise video. I realise the video is on fast speed at the exercises are a little to hard ^^
Someone suggests they do some reading, but I will have nothing of it, lol

Morning of December 20, 2016. Tuesday.



Zsuzsanna and I are “sleeping” in a tent (in the same orientation as in reality; her on my left) in what is apparently an unfamiliar urban park (though with a vague association with the field that used to be across the street from our present home) early in the morning around sunrise. I become wary of the gaps at the bottoms of the sides of the tent (mostly to my right, near my head) in their offering of less privacy. It is also windy at times. In the final scene, the tent is actually hovering above the ground and directly above us, the bottoms of the sides probably about four feet above the ground. I think a few ropes are still holding it in place. My clueless non-lucid dream self is not standing at any point.

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This is typical RAS (reticular activating system) intrusive waking symbolism, though sustained and with no hypnopompic physical event.

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Key concepts: Zsuzsanna and I sleeping in correct orientation as first level dream state indicator, dream state indicator of indirect association with floating or flying as dictated by natural inner ear dynamics, outdoor area previously a field and now a parking lot in real life as liminal space transition, sustained RAS factor, no personified preconscious, no direct preconscious factor, non-lucid and sustained non-cooperative emergent consciousness, interpretable as waking symbolism only.

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Morning of September 22, 2016. Thursday.



I am in Africa on a long expedition. My wife Zsuzsanna and our children and some unknown people are on the journey. Curiously, the “vehicle” we are using to travel in is only a tent that is somehow moving over the savanna without any apparent explanation (as it does not seem to have wheels; it somehow slides slowly over the ground). I have seven pet lions, at least three being male. They walk along with us on our journey without incident.

A male lion is inside the tent at one point but is not a threat. I am also in the tent for a time to “sleep” and also to look at a treasure map. As we travel over the savanna, I watch the scene from above for a time but I am eventually back in my physical form. We are seeking some sort of magical or at least special material, a roll or piece of cloth with special properties, the location of which is apparently indicated on the map.

We reach an isolated outdoor market where there are several African cashiers, at least three of them females around forty years of age. They seem to be selling the special cloth we had been seeking. There are two counters set up on each side of an outside area I enter. I examine a cloth which I first feel may be what we are seeking. A cashier tells me that it is a thousand dollars for a yard of it. I am not so sure this situation will work out. I go to the opposite counter to look around a bit.

One male lion walks around near the counters, being as tame as a dog, and I pat its head. Other people do not seem to be at all concerned about my lions.

Eventually, I notice a piece of cloth that I expect is the one we need. It is uneven though and is not quite a yard. The cashier tells me this one is also a thousand dollars if I want it. I almost express my annoyance to her but I do not. I take out my wallet and pull out one fifty-dollar bill after another, materializing the money out of thin air just at the point my hand is in the wallet, deliberately doing this and realizing this, but without dream state lucidity. I assertively hand her the money which I just mentally willed out of my wallet, twenty fifty-dollar notes, which I know is exactly a thousand dollars. She happily gives me the material.

The cloth’s design shows a repeating pattern (in mostly bright orange, yellow, and sepia saturated hues) of a scene of two lions (male and female) lying in the savanna in front of a boulder and a tree and the sun on the horizon in the background at their left. I pick up the supposed special cloth from the counter and we are on our way. Of course, this represents Zsuzsanna and I sleeping together during the sunrise, the cloth being a literal association with bed sheets and pillow cases.

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Lion autosymbolism has already been explained in many of my past entries, but here is a brief rundown: Factor one is coalescence (potentially being “swallowed” back into whole consciousness) and factor two is the augmented domestic cat association as being a “witness” to the dream state and the nature of liminal space (that is, the autosymbolic waking process). This dream is based on a partial association with “The Sleeping Gypsy”, an 1897 oil painting by French Naïve artist Henri Rousseau. The association transforms into the ending autosymbolism of this dream of which also represents art and the nature of sleeping and dreaming, as dreams are autosymbolic of the nature of the dream state and waking process itself. The cashiers and the checkout scenario are autosymbolic of the dream state’s implied exit point.

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I was on some bizarre camping trip w/ a group of little people & some of my family. My dad had erected a big tent for us on a wooden platform (the girl scout camp I went to as a kid had some like this). We were all eating camp site food & it started to rain. The tent was gone for some reason now & the little people were trying to help us construct one out of materials around the camp site. My aunt Jill who is only a couple of weeks older than me was being a bitch.

Got woke up by fucking A/C guys. They have been here all day so it better be fixed this time!

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

I am in a basement. There are a series of 3 rooms next to one another, used for sexual activity. We are 3 couples coming out of each of these, though I am unsure if I am with someone at this point. From the 3 rooms we enter into a larger room and head towards a door on the right hand side.

We are talking about a larger sex assemble which is to take place in a bit. I know I won't be participating and I think there is another woman who won't either and so while I am exiting the room I look over my left hand shoulder to spot and make sure that the woman is leaving the room with me.

4-5 people go back into the room, while the woman and I remain in the adjacent room. This room is darkly illuminated. There is a sofa and an oblong coffee table next to a dividing wall that separate the larger floor plan into two major rooms – where we have just been in the other one. From the point of view of the sofa, which is located at the centre of the dividing wall there is a small kitchenette up to the right, right next to a door that leads into a room I never see, but notice that a fairly bright white light is flowing from it.

As we all walk out for a break the woman who is also not participating in the group session – she is very skinny, with shoulder length hair and is wearing loose beige (?) trousers and a dark green t-shirt, she is a head or two shorter than I – tell me in an asking tone “Is it ok if we don't have sex but just cuddle up a bit.” “Sure” I reply, a tad disappointed, but not a lot.

We sit down in the sofa in our separate corners. She lies down with her head in my lap and flick on the television, which is over right next to the kitchenette on the left hand side – opposite the door with the white light. The first channel is a two way channel – which is intended to show the other room what is happening in ours and we will be allowed what is happening in the other room. The woman tries to flick through the channels – at first we seem to be stuck on the channel we start out with – but when we finally get going there seems to be porn on all the channels. After having flicked through a couple we settle on the two way channel.

At this the woman turns frisky and direct her attention towards me, she turns her head upwards and kiss me, gently at first but with increasing vigour. We both start opening our mouths more and more and eventually I feel the cold sore at my left corner of my mouth rip open, a typical searing pain and a slight sensation of moisture, but I don't care I continue to dive into the kiss – feeling excited and horny as hell. Eventually I start adjusting my body posture, trying to roll with the woman into the motion of getting down into a laying down position – thinking yes, nice a sexual encounter is in the making. She reacts fiercely standing up in the sofa and starts rearranging the pillows in the sofa. At first I think she is making more room for our endeavours, but I soon understand.

“Traitor!” she proclaims “We had an agreement!” she continues.
“Yes, and I was going to keep it, but..” I reply.
“You can't be trusted!” She interrupts. She doesn't seem to understand that I really didn't mind not engaging in a sexual encounter but that I was fully open to do so if that is what she wanted. The situation had evolved from her desire and her initiative.

Feeling it is a lost battle I simply place myself in a tailors position in my end of the sofa and look her in the eyes – she has deep brown eyes. She starts talking about something that happened to her with her dad.

Sensing that it is a recurring pattern I ask her;

“So did this or something similar happen with your dad before?” I ask, sensing there is something like a fear of flying.
“There was an accident” she goes on – at this point the conversation is blurry to my memory – and she explains that either something similar happened at the age of 6, or later at the age of 21 – but essentially she is either saying that something happened before or after, with the other age representing the first event we were talking about. She starts looking rather pale, and slightly taken aback, I can see the surprise in her eyes that I am willing to sit back and talk therapeutically with her despite her recent judgement of me as being a traitor – which might actually refer to a generalisation of men she has developed.

We are interrupted at the conclusion of the sexual adventure happening behind us. There is a large window, with large black curtains obstructing the view. I start becoming aware of sounds from inside there, just a few moments before they enter the room we are sat in. I get a feeling of some sadomasochistic adventures happening and feel a slightly forced disinterest in knowing about the details.

When the people come out and start making their way towards the kitchenette, Jackie comes over to sit down, as well as a black man with long dreadlocks, though his hair isn't as greasy as you would expect from this hair style. I feel slightly embarrassed as I am no longer wearing my trousers and pants, though I still have my long woollen socks on. The black dude knocks me on my shoulder, and Jackie comes over with a glass of Orange juice and playfully say “Ahh it is good to see you asking for so much to drink” referring to it being a typical expression of recently having had sex and also to the glass of water I had drunk just a little beforehand.

I have a blanket covering my genital area, which helps with the embarrassment, but I also feel deceitful for the others misjudging the activity me and the woman were engaging in. From the kitchenette they start talking about their fascination with a flail-like whip, which is what they plan on using next.

I feel a strong urge to get out of there and I start making my way towards the doorway out, which is on the left hand side – leading into a small stairway, which is gloomily lit and dark green.

There is a slight skip.

I am now outside. I am walking down a road, there are trees and hedges along the side walk, and it is sloping downwards as I am walking down on the left hand side. It is dark outside, it seems wet and somewhat windy as well, it is raining. The light from the street lights seems gloomy and contains no warmth.

I continue walking downwards, having a conversation with Ronan, though he isn't actually present. We are talking about the option of setting up a company each, for 5 kroner, and then swapping companies – somehow this is relating to the treatment centre I am about to start up – and I am surprised he agrees. I recall something about a Facebook conversation where we were chatting and we came to the conclusion that the only thing we might have in common is Aesthetic taste, but that this might be cause enough to meet up anyway.

- this is relating to an earlier dream I had, the conversation took place at a street close to where I lived previously, lots of yellow building about, during the daylight. I recall the trouble of typing during this dream.

As I am walking along during this mental/technological conversation I come across a tent. It reminds me of the attached tent of a caravan. It is dark blue and from behind the plastic windows a greyish and eerie light shines through. I am aware of the strings that hold the tent in place, as they are extending out to the road blocking the path of the side walk forcing me to walk around them.

I am still heading down the road when I become aware of my shoes – they are getting wet and I wonder why I am wearing my slippers outside in this god forsaken weather. I look up and to my left and see the state library – rising above the darkness of the tree lines, with only a hint of the light of the street lights reaching the top like an ominous tower. I feel an increasing sense of unease, but carry on downwards.

Not long after this the water levels are rising and I feel like I know the bottom of the road will be completely flooded, blocking path to get home. I look up and back over my right hand shoulder and spot the road I can take which will also take me home. I turn around and start walking backwards. I feel like my vision is starting to slip – like fade completely – and I become increasingly afraid that I will loose my sight completely. At the same time I start feeling intoxicated, like proper drunk and my movements become erratic and unbalanced and I desperately reach out grasping for the strings of the tent for support. And while I find them and grab them they can do little for me as my balance continues to deteriorate. I think it is a bit weird as I didn't drink a lot back at the porn complex, but I can feel that I have definitely breached all levels of safe intoxication. My conscious perception seems to turn into a series of broken mosaics, as if invisible lines of fractures appear before my visual and spatial perceptive capacities.

I become so scared at the rising water levels and my continued diminishing balance and think to myself “Shit I could actually drown in this state. I am a poster boy of how not to get drunk.” While entertaining this thought fear levels keep rising, and then boom – I step into a pothole that is maybe a metre and a half deep and find myself too drunk to get loose – fear becomes panic as I struggle to get free.

The rain keeps falling the water is murky, brown like the colour of mud and there are multiple pieces of foliage, sticks and branches adrift on the watery road.

Finding myself terrified and sure of my death, I wake up.

Immediate interpretation: The cold sore bit was hugely disturbing to me as I woke up and is referring to a situation with Karen recently, where I knowingly kissed her before telling her that I had it. I became immediately aware that I am not completely free of selfish tendencies, which is also related to the knowledge that when I am practising so much self control during sex, I am liable to release more pre-cum, which of course increase the risk of pregnancy during unprotected sex. Knowledge I have kept to myself. It symbolise how I have been willing to put my own selfish needs in front of both her and our needs, a tendency I was deeply ashamed of upon awakening.

The black curtain shielding the view of the other room in the dungeon represents a boundary – black, the colour of nothing – meaning that while I am intrigued with exploring new aspects of my sexuality there are still areas I don't find meaningful to explore. Only if I fear exploring it does it make sense to do so, though this is not a fear based response – it is simply not interesting to me.

My interaction with the woman represents some of my concerns with Karen – that she asks for space, and then also take initiative for sex. It represents my confusion with it all, but also my willingness to take up the role required for her personal growth. The tad dissapointment could represent my feeling of repressing my sexual advances towards her to accommodate her need for space.

The interaction with my embarrassment regarding the others who assume we have had sex, while we haven't I believe represent the uneasiness I have felt in describing my relation to Karen to the outside world. I am trying my best to avoid putting labels on it, and while I don't find this a problem in our personal relation or when talking to people who frequent Tantric environments it is difficult to describe this mode of being in a relation to “old” friends and family who are not participating in this new-found spiritual journey I find myself on. I am somewhat afraid of what Karen thinks – if she would prefer I don't mention her at all, though that would violate my need to be open about what is important and meaningful in my life.

The drowning in the puddle represents – I looked this up as well, I was aware of the meaning of water representing unconscious emotions surfacing – that I might be forcing the issue. Before looking up the theme I thought to myself “Hmm now you have invited her into your inner most private world, of course we dive straight into the dark side – as represented by the cold sore bit”. I then looked it up and it could mean that I am forcing unconscious feelings to the surface prematurely, which makes sense against my immediate thoughts on the matter. It might make sense to keep certain dreams or aspects of my dreams private – it is ironic that we have talked so much about giving and asking for space and we then end up attempting to dream share, effectively eliminating space between us entirely – however as I was awake and praying for the spiritual purification of selfish tendencies I also felt that it made sense to dive into this, as she could help me face the issues and as such transcend them.

Having looked up a variety of dream themes I am increasingly aware of the truly wide variation of what people interpret stuff to mean, which has led me to the conclusion that it is primarily the immediate interpretation that matters. When I am baffled by a theme, object, colour or person I will look it up as and when needed and find the one that resonates most clearly with me. I also think this is a great way to start working on making symbolisms of dreams more translatable and better capable of communicating clearly between the two states of consciousness. Also regarding the privacy I spoke with Karen, and it dawned on me that some dreams can only be understood when analysed against other dreams or contextual events, which might necessitate “sitting” on them for a while as already mentioned.

1) In a tent. An old work colleague was in charge and insisted that the layout had to be a particular way to comply with CCG guidelines. I was holding a baby.

2) I parked my car. Then in a hotel looking out of the window. It felt as if I was much younger. I could see a factory miles away and there was an explosion and smoke filling the sky. Then the whole building was shaking and something like lava was flowing it filled up the area around the hotel. I went downstairs to the kitchen and there was panic, then went back upstairs and into another room. I could hear someone hacing sex on the other side of the wall.

3) In a forest I had to go and find some short spikey twigs for some reason. In the distance I heard a large tree crack and saw a large branch fall to the ground. The scene shifted and I was at a table with some women. I was given an instruction manual on feeding babies and told to fill it in every day, I commented that my children were 9 and 11 and that I didn't need it and screwed it up.

- All these dreams represented something in real life from about 4 days ago (watched a program about Pompeii, and had been reading about baby feeds at work)

At some sort of stadium. There is a fire burning in the distance and I watch it. Somehow then I'm with a group of young people and there is some sort of game going on, I can't remember much more than that.
Then I'm walking down the side of a football pitch inside the stadium and thinking what a long way the walk is, although actually it's not that far. i get to the other side, go through a door and then i'm in a garden. I'm setting up a tent, I don't like where it is so I pick it up and move it somewhere else then I'm happy with the position and think about starting to set up the inside of the tent so I can go to sleep.

I scribbled a few notes about another dream - something about having a meal in a pub but can't remember any more about it now.