Dream 1-- Last Day of Ninjitsu So I am in some random location, talking to my friend, who is a disembodied voice. He is telling me that I need to come to crew because we are going to be racing. I have this feeling like I've missed crew for a whole week and that I'm nervous going back because the coach will yell at me. I find myself walking to crew in an underground tunnel filled with rocks. It seems like a huge pipe with an opening a little bit in the distance that has bright rays of sunshine pouring through. Suddenly, I am walking into the second floor of this building that looks like a dojo or gymnastics center. There are blue mats on the ground and trampolines in the dark background. It's day time, and a woman approaches me and tells me to sit down with the others. I sit down and see Z. Cobb and D. Gillette sitting down, who were on the crew team but not ninjitsu. They are all wearing their black gis and I realize that I don't have one on, but I hope that no one will notice. There isn't any talking, noise, or visuals for a while. Things begin to happen in a blur. There is a large square of wood planks on the ground that seem to indicate the outline of a fighting arena. Two at a time, guys square off against each other, but they never fight. I suddenly realize I am going last and that I have time to go and get my gi. I build up the courage to leave because I was unsure what course of action I should take, and I finally head out. I see sensei on my way out who asks where am I going, and I don't say anything but go out the door, which has one of those push paddings that unlock the door. I don't need to use an elevator, when I get on the other side of the door, the next thing I remember is being outside in the bright outdoors. I am on a sidewalk next to a busy street with cars parallel parked in front of me. As I start walking to my car, sensei appears and starts talking to me. He starts to explain how ridiculous it is that I don't have my gi and how I shouldn't have left class 10 minutes before the end of the last class to get it. I start to defend myself by saying I wanted to wear it because its important and he refutes that it doesn't matter whether you wear the gi or not. At this I get really angry, shout "THATS WHAT I WAS SAYING" and walk a little bit away from him and then walk back. I notice that he is just relaxedly leaning against the wall with a half-grin on his face and his arms crossed. I lean against the wall next to him and calm down and say "I'm sorry, it's just that if the gi doesn't matter..." and he replies that in "10 minutes you will be named the number 1 ninja of the class and you forgot your gi, what does say that about you?" I think about it, and turn PassObs. The dreams ends This dream seems like the most blatant symbolism from my mind that I've experienced in a while. Obviously, I have projected some of the problems with crew onto ninjitsu and have created a similar situation in my head that is destroying some of my motivation. I am noticing an increasing trend of anger appearing in my dreams, which means that it is no longer being stored up inside and repressed, but that I still have to find a way to express my anger in real life. The most interesting way my dreams work is that the message seems to come across on a particularly succinct verbal level that almost clearly gives away the meaning. When my sensei says I'm going to be #1 ninja of the class, that makes me really happy. That's my goal and my ambition. But there is also the qualifying statement that I am obviously not very dedicated and organized in my life surrounding the practice. Although I have the skills and talent to perform well in ninjitsu itself, I lack the life skills necessary to function appropriately outside of it. Also, if I were truly motivated I would be the most professional possible. I wouldn't need to think twice about having my gi because being#1 would be so important to me that I wouldn't even dream of not having it! I contend that this little bit demonstrates how although being #1 is my ultimate goal I don't want to express it to anyone and even work to self-sabotage because I feel that I am not good enough to achieve it. I mean I achieved it in my dream and in real life even, but my mind is really bashing me saying I don't deserve it because either I'm not trying hard enough in real life for me to consciously agree that I'm dedicated or that I have a secret desire to let someone else have it. Either way, I am opposing myself and that's a huge problem. Dream 2-- Mall Hentai So I am in a mall, walking around. I see this white door with a silver handle and I decide to open it. Somehow before I even open the door, I teleport to the other side (my dream robs me of the ability to RC damnit!) and I am in this bedroom. I am looking at a bed, a messy room, and a computer in the left corner of the room. On the bed is a girl sleeping under the covers and a guy who looks like he is also sleeping. I look at the floor, and I see every pair of shoes that I own along with some random clothes strewn about. As I look from shoe to shoe, the one with my attention seems to have a glow of white light surrounding it and the sound of a specific tune plays. Each pair has a different genre of music depending on the type of shoe. I look up at the computer, and suddenly I am totally engrossed looking at the screen. Even though I am still standing where I am, I have the visual of the computer monitor, and what's on the computer is surprisingly the exact scene that I am looking at! It has the bed, clothes and shoes, and me in the room. I go to the settings and change the settings of the bed. There is one box called level and I type in "6" with the quotes, which makes the bed turn invisible, so the characters of floating. Somehow I had done this in a previous dream without knowing exactly what I did, apparently I used a computer program. As I come back into my dream body, I see that the girl is still under the covers, while the guy is face down in mid air, humping the air butt naked. They are frozen in space, and I just observe for two seconds before they start to move again and the bed reappears. The guy turns around and jizzes everywhere, and the girl wakes up and goes "aww come on not again." Suddenly, I am horny and a character version of me jumps forward from the left side of my peripheral vision onto the bed. My cartoon self starts having sex with the girl while the girl starts sucking off the guy. I'm just this random unmoving camera that can see this cartoon sex taking place and it's super weird. I wake up (thank god)
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