TheSpiderSilva's Dream Journal

Been a while since I've signed on.

Anyway, last night, I had a pretty strange dream. I don't really remember everything that happened, but I'll try to explain it the best I can.

Let me start off by saying that in my real life, there's this girl. She's my friend, but I am about 99% sure that she has these special, deep feelings for me. It's all in the way she looks at me (hard to explain the look that she gives me, it's a special look that's just filled with love and care, makes me feel great), the way she talks to me, and just how she seems to always want my attention when I'm around.

I won't say I'm in love with her, but I will say that I've never felt this way about another person before. I think about her constantly, whether I want to or not. I always think about her before I go to sleep at night, it's not really something I can control. I've actually tried to make myself stop thinking about her several times, because it can't be healthy to think about someone as often as I do. It's ridiculous.

Sometimes, I actually do stop thinking about her as often as I normally do, but then, I'll have a dream about her, and those feelings will get stirred up again and she'll be on my mind non-stop.

This happened again last night. Except, usually when I dream about her, it's a dream where we spend time together and have a good time with each other. This was different. We were in a car together with about 4 other people (don't even remember who the other people were). I was in the front driver's seat (I wasn't driving though, weird), and she was in the back seat on the passenger's side. There was some guy sitting on her lap, facing her, and kissing her on the cheek repeatedly.

That bothered me, mostly because I didn't know I was in a dream at that time, and because there was some guy making out with her face. I just looked away from it. I noticed though, that she wasn't even looking at the guy, she was looking at me.

In real life, her and I have never dated, had sex, kissed, or done anything much more than hug. She does flirt with me a lot though, and like I said, the look that she gives me is not a look that a girl gives her regular guy-friend. She's also felt me up before, that's when I finally started picking up on the fact that she probably wants to be more than friends with me.

She also almost always has a boyfriend. Even then, her behavior around me doesn't change one bit. She's given me strong signals before that she's wanted me to kiss her, or more, while she was dating someone. She's definitely not a whore either, trust me. I'm almost positive that if I asked her out, she'd say yes. There's almost no doubt about that in my mind. I have no idea why I haven't asked her out.

I was thinking, maybe the dream that I had (guy on her lap, kissing her, while she was looking at me) is just symbolizing how there is always someone in the way of us getting together. The way she was looking at me might symbolize that she would leave her boyfriend for me, and maybe the fact that I looked away symbolizes that I don't want to ruin an existing relationship between two people (because that's one of the things about me, I can't do that to someone no matter how much I like the girl).

And maybe the fact that I was in the driver's seat, but not driving, means that I have the power to control the situation (I could go out with her if I asked her), but I choose not to do anything about it for whatever reason.

Of course, there's always the possibility that dreams are just nonsense, but I like the former better, so Im just gonna go with that.