TopazMyst

I feel like I spent 10 years of my life in the three hours that I slept last night. I was so embeded in the reality of my dream that I couldn't figure out whether or not that was reality or not. I became lucid off and on without actually knowing if I was. It was a total out of body experience and I wondered briefly if I was surely going to die if I could not get back to my real body, my real self. I've been shaken by this dream all day and cannot begin to describe how intense it was or how deeply ingrained it is in my mind even now.

Last night I dreamt of my life 10 years from now. But I feel like I dreamt the whole ten years in a span of three hours.

I was finally out of college, had my doctorate and was a traveling pharmacist and executive for a large corporate pharmacy chain. My girlfriend was now my wife (a careful detail I left out as I was explain my dream to her on the phone at 3am this morning), and not only my wife--but pregnant. My little brother was living in our penthouse apartment, trying to make his way through his first years of college himself. My girlfriend was gracious and accepting of his situation and didn't complain about his presence.

One night in particular she was having bad pregnancy sickness or morning sickness. I was still in pant suit when 3am rolled around and she decided she was hungry. Having stayed up the entire night with her, I was doing all I could to accommodate her. Some unfortunate topic came up about her not wanting me to fly for some reasons that I refused to listen to--I was dead set on making that business trip. We ended up having a petty argument. As an attempt to make right for the foolish words I said, we made up, and I made my way out of the house and to what a burger at three in the morning to fetch her all the things I knew she'd love.

What a burger in hand, I drove to the local doughnut chain. I arrived and they were closed still, not yet opened for the morning. I saw that the back door was open and helped myself in. I was greeted by a bunch of pimply faced teenagers who were already serving me allegations and threats. I begged them to fill my order in desperation, upset that they wouldn't fudge the rules just a tad because they'd truly be open in another 15 minutes. I was also stressed because I knew I had a flight to catch later that morning and wanted to get back to my girlfriend and enjoy the few hours I had left with her. I finally ended up convincing them that I was from corporate within their chain and put the fear of God within them. I got my coffee and doughnuts and went back home.

The airport was chaos. Flights had been canceled. Some sort of conflict overseas. Not safe to fly. I ignored the buzz of anxiety in the terminals... I was oblivious. I got bored in the air port and spent my time in the bar. I ended up drinking too much and had way too much fun, I even hijacked a baggage vehicle to help me make my way around the chaotic airport terminals. This behavior was very unlike me and in retrospect. My girlfriend kept calling me and I kept ignoring her. I felt weird... I was too inebriated. I answered my girlfriends calls--she said she was concerned my flight had already taken off without me. I thought that was preposterous. She didn't want me to fly, bottom line.

I ended up boarding my plane, uncertain that I was even on the right flight, but too prideful to say otherwise. I was regretting my decision to drink.

The flight had been long and boring, I was now sober and pondering over how I had neglected my girlfriend. I would never do that in reality. (I don't understand how I took her for granted in my dream. Perhaps I still feel guilty for the one major mistake I ever made in our relationship. )

Suddenly the whole plane shakes from violent turbulence. But it only shook once and then nothing else happened. It was odd and very much unlike what I was used to experiencing. As alarms beep, I rush to fasten my seat belt. It's weird because it has shoulder straps. I'm fumbling to get them locked in place. I was doing okay until an elderly journalist in the seat across the aisle says "God help them, they're too young." I knew he was referring to me and the other passengers. My anxiety immediately peeked as I fumbled to fasten my seat belt--made difficult by my shaking hands. I could hear the engines failing, I couldn't believe this was happening. I refused to accept reality. The plane nose dived and I rushed to pull the straps too on my harnesses. I knew that they were useless. I felt intense realistic pain as my body flew out of the sear against the straps of the harnesses. I tightened them and started shouting questions.

I knew I had gotten on the wrong flight. I knew my girlfriend was right. I knew all the answers already to my own questions. I knew that the plane had been shot, and I knew we were nose diving towards death. I started to freak out internally. I started to yell at myself to wake up. That this is just a dream. That I was asleep on a shitty couch at my moms house and that I had to work tomorrow and an equally shitty job. That my girlfriend was real but not my wife. That I had to get back to her and make sure not to say all the stupid things I did in this dream and promised myself I'd never take her for granted.

The plane struck water. The cabin filled. So did my lungs. I embraced death.

When I really did wake up, it felt as though my soul had been shot back into my body. I woke up panting and sweating. I didn't go back to sleep after that.