false awakening

I have recently taken up using the voice recorder for recording dreams, but in preparation for the upcoming dream workshop I will be running I will start using manual entry again. I need to get quick, to the point and sharp in sharing dream content with others, so I can be a leading example for the people I coach.

Now before I start out with writing the dreams of the previous 3 nights, which I have bullet pointed on paper there is a couple of highly significant dream I want to write up. These all pertain to the significance of the Dinosaurs, particulary the T-Rex, in my dreams, as these have heralded some pretty significant developments over the past year. In fact just sitting down listening to some of the files have sent goosebumps through my body at some of the symbolisms and messages contained in these dreams.

The first occurred during the summer of 2016, I was in full swing with writing my thesis and I had seen a blossoming of my use of cannabis, cigarettes and other kinds of addiction. As such I had started working directly with my dreams with regards exploring the reason for my smoking, or addiction in general.

I had noticed that recently a T-Rex had started appearing as a repeating theme in my dreams. Like for instance I saw him in a hotel roof top pool on 01-08-16, where I hid in a pool with a friend trying to avoid being caught – where I speculate that he is connected with investigation of smoking. Or on 08-08-16 I found myself in a dinosaur park, a la Jurassic Park, with a hole in the fence, where the T-Rex was on the inside, but I end up getting caught by a raptor and eaten just outside the park in a broken car, where I was trying to hide out. And such I started setting intentions for my next lucid dream to investigate what this symbol of the T-Rex could represent.

I don't have a record of this lucid dream where I manage to summon the T-Rex, but it occurred within a couple of weeks following the setting of the intention to investigate, before 01-09-2016, when I moved out of the place I was living and back in with my parents.

I recall being awake in the morning, to then go back to sleep with the intention to summon the T-Rex.

“Summoning the T-Rex”

I am sat in our living room. It is forenoon and I am texting M – a primary school class mate, whom I have always maintained a slight crush on. We are talking about a party and I feel I am somewhat intruding, but she end up inviting me around.

Then all of a sudden a text message rolls in from the phone company, which reads something like “We are all one, you no longer need to put in the number or contact of the person you are trying to reach it will happen automatically.” This stumbles me a bit, but I don't think much further of it.

There is a slight skip.

I find myself in a bus headed out from Aarhus towards Hornslet. I speculate on the nature of “oneness” and start feeling my consciousness drift outwards, though not quite becoming one. At one point a bus pass in the opposite direction and a choir of children are singing a song, with the lyrics “we are all one” included.

The bus drives off the high way and I find myself walking on the road below, heading under the bridge with the highway on top.

I am with my old friend Tim and we are walking together. I look up and I see a hawk sitting in mid air, which I find curious as its wings are placed alongside its body. It basically looks like it is sitting on a stick, though there is no stick there to be sat on.

Then it makes a rapid dive and hits the ground beak first right next to me, which startles me quite a lot.

We walk on, towards the bridge, past a couple of bushes on the side of the road that have purple flowers on them. As we walk a couple of smaller birds come flying straight towards my face, so I have to step quickly to the left to avoid being hit.

I start thinking to myself: “This is truly strange behaviour for birds.” and as we approach the bridge finally I see a crow sitting in one of the bushes by the side. I start looking around and I decide to look at my hands.

I become lucid and I spend a few moments stabilising the dream, and when I feel comfortable I start thinking about my goals.

“Ah the T-Rex!” I say out loud and abandon my friend to go look for him. I turn around, away from the bridge in the opposite direction and start screaming out over the fields “T-Rex, Where Are You??” but I don't get a response.

I find myself next to a crash barrier, again screaming out over the fields for the T-Rex. Then I start feeling fear, although I am also aware of it all being only a dream. So I skip back across the road and climb a small elderflower tree.

I shout for the dino to appear again and this time I get a response, though from a group of children behind the bushes of which the tree I have climbed is a part. They say “We tried calling him, he doesn't want to show up.”.

I then try to scream out for him, mimicking his roar. The Children respond in a laughing way “We tried that as well, it won't help.”

I sit for a brief second before the dream starts fading and I “wake up”.

I find myself in my room and walk out towards the living room. Outside I see a lot of plants and it is raining.

“Hang on a minute it wasn't raining when I was awake earlier” I think to myself and realise I am still dreaming.

I turn around and walk back into my room and stare at my computer screen.

I turn around, while still being within the realms of the computer game that was on the screen and look up. I find a long and narrow dirt pathway, surrounded by a fence on the right hand side and bushes on the left.

Up at the entrance – or T-cross – I see the T-Rex come sprinting around from the right hand side. I get anxious and excited as I start running towards him. It seems like the dino knows we only have a limited amount of time to complete the encounter.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN??” I scream at him as we run towards one another. There is no response, and I feel my fear rising as we continue to sprint towards one another. “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME??” I try instead and just as we are right in front of one another and I am staring into his wide open jaws he transforms.

All of a sudden a ghost appears before me, with the limbs of the dino sprawling out behind the spectre hanging a few metres above the ground.

“Michela!?!?” I exclaim in utter surprise.

I wake up.

Michela represents a previous romantic affiliation gone sour, very sour indeed. Both in terms of the pain I felt when she left, but also because of the stressful situation I was facing with quitting my job. I awoke with a multitude of new angles to investigate my addiction to cigarettes from, which included the shame and loss of pride I felt from loosing her – the shame associated with not being able to attract a woman and keep her faithful, more so than actually loosing her being particularly painful.

A couple of months later I started on a spiritual education and at the time I was still smoking cigarettes. I started a practice of smoking without guilt and I recall arriving at the first module having spent 6 hours without smoking. I felt the physiological cravings, but I didn't feel the desire to smoke, which I found facinating.

I continued to the first module and when we arrived in the first opening sharing circle and were briefed that we would be opening up, diving into intimacy, then it hit me. I was now experiencing full on craving and desire at the same time as I was experiencing fear towards intimacy at the same time as it was the only thing I truly desired. And from this experience I recalled another meaning associated with Michela.

The next dream took place I think in the beginning of April, the first time F and I slept in the same bed, and seeing as we kissed the first time on April 3rd I believe the accurate date is 14-04-17 as this is 2 weeks after the date of our first kiss.

“Dino makes a gesture”

I find myself alone in a small and humble cabin. It is bright morning/forenoon and the sun is shining through the windows. The cabin is located in a large garden that is surrounded by tall walls in a rectangular fashion, with the cabin taking central space.

Suddenly outside I hear/feel the T-Rex approaching, and this time I recognise his presence. There seems to be a telepathic or at least non-verbal acceptance of one another, a kind of respect with a hint of fear, but this time from both parties.

I venture out of the house to see what is going on. There is a clothes line with clothing on it immediately next to the house.

I never actually see the T-Rex, but I find that after he has been circling the house he has left me a circular meditation mat against the clothing line.

End of dream.

I wake up feeling excited. I have just slept next to a woman I am madly in love with and I find that I for the first time actually like sleeping up close to her.

I experience a brief feeling of alarm, but I quickly re-frame the story positively as I tell F about the dream.

Now I acknowledge that interpreting dreams in hindsight is easier than trying to gleam out the prospective material from the time of their occurrence. However this dream theme I believe heralded a powerful spiritual lesson.

The first appearances of the T-Rex motif happened just after a relationship had developed from an intimate/romantic nature to a friendly one. In this relationship I discovered a tendency to become extremely preoccupied with me feeling responsible for the emotional state of the other. This responsibility was coupled with an elevated sense of anxiety for loosing her. However the appearance of Dinosaurs happened before.

A funny thing is that the following entry- which took place pretty much immediately after my fling (Karen) and I had started getting romantic - 08-04-16 Surviving the Ocean Quest in the desert - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views Actually occurred simultaneously with my then fling having a reciprocal dream, of being taken to the desert by frightening shadow figures that gave her the mission to gather all the animals for the ship. Now I am aware this synchronisation makes more sense to me on a subjective level – we had been practising trying to dream share, and a lot of themes in the dreams were in line with what was happening in our waking lives – however even if this is disregarded this is the first appearance of the “Dino theme”.

Specifically the purple dinos shooting an assortment of weaponry at my heart – which I at the time interpreted as a symbol of having my heart broken a couple of times in order to finally open up – seems to indeed have been at play, though increasing in complexity and meaning over the past year. Let me illustrate a bit further.

When the T-Rex and the Raptors start making their appearance, as I mentioned the relationship had moved in a friendly direction, which I told her I was OK with, but I was quietly mourning the loss I felt.

During this time as mentioned I had started seeing a rise in my consumption of cigarettes and cannabis. I felt stressed with my thesis and on top of this stress I was overwhelmed by the insights into myself and my shifting perspectives of the world through my world with Ayahuasca, and as such I sought to slow it all down a bit though the use of cigarettes and cannabis.

The Dino dreams appeared in between spouts of regular cannabis use, as I had a somewhat ambivalent relationship to this medicinal plant. On the one hand I was grateful for the visionary aspects and emotional teachings, at the other I was aware that it was stealing my dreams – although this latter aspect was sometimes a welcome aspect when I felt things were moving too quickly.

When I decided to summon the T-Rex I thought it was somehow related to my addictions, and it turned out accurate. However the transformation from T-Rex into my ex-fling added a twist I hadn't seen coming, which was the connection between addiction and love-relational issues.

From the first observation of my feeling responsible for the emotions of a lover, I immediately suspected that I was dealing with a pattern established in early childhood. Due to my parents' difficult relation my mother was always stressed and frequently displayed intense outbursts of anger. I particularly recall an episode – think I might have been 3-4 years old – where my sister and I were sat in our room on the floor and Mother comes down. She gets angry about the mess, picks up a play guitar and throws it across the room hitting my sister in the head, resulting in a hospital visit and a scar on her face. This and other incidents I hypothesise fostered the self-concept that “mother's emotions are dangerous, and I am responsible”.

Following the dream as I mentioned earlier I saw a striking connection between the fear of intimacy and my addictions, and around the same time I had another T-Rex dream, though he played a smaller part in this (as he transformed into a dragon and cleansed an entire island and evolutionary history through a fire bath). This dream heralded the cleansing phase I have gone through roughly the past year of getting acquainted with my relational fears, addressing them and letting go of old self images that no longer serve me.

During November of 2017 I had an Ayahuasca ceremony specifically directed towards examining my addictive behaviours. The themes that emerged were memories of my mother being very harsh on me playing as a boy – that she didn't have the energy required to play with me. As such I was forced to put a lid on my playful energy, which in adolescence transforms into sexual energy, resulting in great shame about my own emotional and sexual nature. Ayahuasca provided a definition of my addiction as “the behaviour that arise as a result of wanting to escape the constant narrative of self-loathing and self-blame”. The self-blame I have already discussed, the self-loathing is partly directed at the feeling that sexual and playful aspects of me are “wrong”.

I would later be presented with my dad's contribution towards the ease with which I accepted the “I am wrong” self-concept, though that will be a different story, though basically it has to do with him (a) raising me through commands; (b) never complimenting me on anything; (c) always questioning whether or not I had performed a certain task; (d) being critical on anything that deviates from the norms he deems liveable.

Let me quickly add that I love and adore both of my parents, who supports me like rocks in their own respective ways. A deep realisation on this spiritual path has been that most of the times our behaviour arise out of conditioned responses we are not to be blamed for. My parents did the best with what they had available, it isn't a question of them not loving me.

In February 2017 I met F. There was a striking explosion of energy running through my body at our first embrace and as I mentioned she is the first woman I have slept next to – we have never had physical sex – that I felt not only comfortable sleeping against, but good.

We started out helping one another with the processes of Ayahuasca, but after about a month it became clear that there was a deeper connection. It turned romantic and sensual, but a series of complications eventually led to this romantic aspect destabilising.

The T-Rex dream where he presents a meditation pillow I hypothesise – according to the Jungian notion that dreams can have a prospective, future development directed meaning – was a way for me to truly observe the nature of my relational problems.

During our romantic affiliation I started feeling insecure, as she was still entangled with her boyfriend. She had stated that she wanted him out of the house and leaving him, as well as not feeling comfortable with his touch and being intimate with him. This in my mind made him an Ex-Boyfriend and I believed that this was the path she wanted to go down, however it quickly changed into something else where it became obvious that he would be spending a significant amount of time with her, sleeping in the same bed as her.

I felt like she was manipulating me, using me to instigate changes in him so he could become a better boyfriend to her. I was confused about her pulling back when our kissing, cuddling and petting got intense resulting in us never having anything but clothes-on-energetic sex (which however was a very powerful and potent experience for both of us I believe).

Following a week at her parents I was headed to the aforementioned education during a weekend, she slept with her boyfriend. There were quasi-valid reasons for her doing so, but I felt betrayed as we had in my mind agreed to a monogamous structure, although I had been open towards a more open constellation. I ended up forgiving her, with a few demands as to how our future relation – and the one she had towards her boyfriend – should look like. Demands initially met, but quickly broken.

This started the hell ride into jealousy, romantic ideation, mistrust and pain. I went into it with full consciousness and journalled about it vigorously. I saw how I didn't have energy to do anything but wait around hopefully for a message, constructing fantasies about her activities when she didn't contact me etc.

The point is not to arrive at a blame game, I have come to realise it takes two to tango and I have been overly focused on my own workings in this process, but this has been a profitable approach – as it is indeed the only thing I can ever change.

What I saw was that F quickly became my entire world. I felt love, and I felt terrified to loose it. She became an object I perceived would be able to fulfil my deepest yearning, to feel loved and appreciated – and I clung to her, constantly trying to get the relationship defined in ways that would guarantee the safety that she would be there to fulfil my needs. I became obsessed with having sex with her, I felt that it would make up for the shameful aspect of her having cheated on me. I saw how I was feeling the familiar feeling of anxiety of her leaving me as this “is the last chance for love” and similarly that she would move onto someone else the minute someone better came around – which would be pretty quick. These last observations illuminate a self-concept totally deprived of feelings of self-worth or feeling of being worthy of love an appreciation by another human being. I saw how I through expending all my energy on worrying about her behaviour, waiting for messages became fatigued and tired and couldn't keep up work on my own projects, which I abandoned.

There is much more information to the story, but I eventually arrived at a point where we had a conversation. In this she informed me of three key things that made me realise I had to quit the contact. She felt guilty towards her (ex)-boyfriend when she was with me, that she didn't really want him to understand that it was over and she couldn't promise she was never going to want to be with him again.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done, I was in so much pain and missed her like crazy. Following this quitting of contact I started working with the last of my addictions – which is sort of a tricky one – which is the tendency to intellectualise situations arriving at a conceptual understanding of things which put me in a positive lighting. Self-centered and also grounded in placing value in the opinions of others.

Gradually as these addictions fell away I was confronted with my underlying anxiety. I never knew myself to be a person experiencing anxiety, but that was what the addictions were for I suppose. I spent a few months experiencing extreme states of panic, which included a fear of dying, a fear of being abandoned at a future dimensional shift, as well as being rejected and abandoned in a romantic sense. It took a lot of breathing and being with the fear and panic and I was incapable of performing even the slightest actions that dealt with finding jobs, new residence or worldly matters in general.

Things got better, I still experience fear and anxiety, but when I do now I don't panic and try to get rid of it, rather I breathe into it and try and understand what it is trying to tell me and it seems a lot of things are shifting within.

I am back in contact with F, I love her, love the contact and am trying to manage my romantic inclinations towards her consciously, which at present involves awareness of how desire towards a particular outcome with her (ending up n a romantic relation) can result in suffering through envy and jealousy.

To come full circle back to the dreaming the present story illustrates the process by which working actively with intention, lucidity and analytical interpretation of certain dream themes that crop up repeatedly can help bring visibility to the sub conscious processes that govern our behaviour. I went through the process alone, yet I feel that had I not been so stubborn and approached someone with knowledge in these areas I could have progressed much quicker, perhaps even saving an intimate relationship in the process.

http://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/atra...s-dream-23488/

03-07-11 Testing out MILD for the first time produced an interesting result. I used the mantra “question reality – become aware”. After a while the mantra did start popping up fairly automatic. I am dreaming and I am continuously shifting between a scenario in the university campus I just took an evening walk in and a Diablo themed setting, from the catacombs with Diablo actually there. In the dream I am walking along a pathway paying attention to the foliage on the side. It is dark throughout the dreams. I think I may be lucid at certain times, but it is for very brief moments and I have limited recall of them.

The mantra keeps sounding in my head and I think I may be verbalising it as well. the first time I notice I am drifting in and out of sleep is when I am walking on the side of the road, after I hear the mantra I start checking, but the dream fades to “hypnagoic imagery” with the difference that I have no bodily perceptions and the background theme is a lot brighter than when I normally observe these images, still I am convinced that I am falling asleep and not dreaming. A common theme for these images would be the appearance of Diablo in the catacombs with me living the character actually being there, though sort of a birds eye perspective. When this happens I keep repeating the mantra and I would “wake up” back in the university park somewhere. I am stupid enough to believe that it was the place I was attempting to fall asleep.

This happens maybe 3-4 times and on the last time waking up in the university park I am naked or partially naked at least, I am wearing yellow boxers. I take routes that carry me over the grass I am trying to get somewhere home(ish). I run into a person I know from back home, he is passing by on a bike with one of his mates and I tell them not to pay attention to me. I am starting to get a feel for where I am headed and I have a remote in my hand that will teleport me to the nearest street light or something similar. When I get close to one the light of it flickers and I click the remote to sure enough pop over there.

I start walking across a path until I get to a point where I can see that my Mother's sister and her husband is packing up the car. Oh that is right they said they would be leaving soon. I briefly mention to them “so you are leaving now are you” don't know if I get a response or not, but the dream goes on. I am now talking to my grandparents who are sat outside a tent. My grandmother is picking on me saying something like “so it is OK to come home at 9 o clock is it?” I realise she means nine in the morning and I am a bit surprised that I have been gone that long. I start looking around and it is dark, like really dark, which wouldn't fit the time of nine in the morning. I start a discussion with them about this, and although my grandmother disagrees my granddad start coming around to the idea of it being overly dark.

There is another shift and now I am back at my computer in a room that is very different to mine, but it is still my room. I am at the computer and now all the Diablo shit that has happened seems to happen at once on the computer. I am fairly surprised for two reasons, firstly he shouldn't be in the catacombs, secondly I know the other times it has happened have just been HHs. He is running at me and hitting me so quickly, other monsters join the fight, they all die except him and in the end I run out of healing pots and die as well.

Notes: I wake up feeling really disheartened, for not realising I am dreaming although the mantra was clearly carried over. roughly 2-2.5 hours have passed in sleep so the REM period wouldn't have been that long. Now when thinking about it the next day, it is probably not that bad of a first attempt.
…

I am in a race of sorts, where we all have to pick up a racing car with varying abilities and proficiencies, a bit like Mario carts. My vehicle is a mixture of a pig and an insect, and I know it isn't the fastest available, but I get a good start. At a point in the race I stop to marvel at I believe it is John Cleese, who is lifting his cart up to the second floor within a moving truck and running it through it so he can get out on the other side. I don't know why he is doing this, but the action does seem somewhat rational, like he might have picked up a card from a deck that tells him to do this.
…

I am talking to someone about some activity that will excuse me from social interaction, and I tell people I like it, besides that it means that I can shower up to 5 times a day which is good.
…

I am at a construction site, a big one and I ma there to test the lift going up to the roof where the actual construction is taking place. As I walk out I am a bit uncertain and frightened because there are no rails, it would be easy to fall down. I walk into the building and I get the impression that it is a stadium they are constructing. I notice that I have actually gone over an area where you can see down to the ground and it would be possible to fall between the pieces of wood supposed to hold the roofing so I quickly find a more suitable place to stand.

I speak with one of the people working there, and all of a sudden I am employed as a worker. I know I have no expertise in this area so I tell them, that they need to instruct me for whatever they want me to do.

We are putting on the roofing, it is made of plastic, it is blue and the way it works is that you slide your new piece under the one that has already been put down and make them sort of click together in a trench. I ask if gloves would be needed for that and the guy currently putting out pieces tells me it would help as the otherwise there is a risk of injuring your hand.

He tells me that he will probably need me to crawl out over the edge again and start putting down pieces out there. He then say that he probably wouldn't ask me to crawl in such an unsafe location, but I tell him that I don't mind. I have done worse when I was little and besides that the pieces of wood are so close together that it is difficult to fall through, yet I am a bit nervous still.

skip

I am on the ground with a piece of roofing and I am explaining to one of my mates that it is a different type of plastic than your average shed roof. It is more resilient and difficult to penetrate.

Soo, haven't posted anything lately, but maybe getting back in to reporting things here can break the dryspell I am having.

01-07-11 I am at a handball contest, the national team is playing. towards the end of the game the opposing team manages to score a goal to tie the game. However seeing as it is their keeper that throws a penalty throw, the Danish keeper quickly throws the ball towards the other goal. The keeper is running fast though and it isn't the best of throws.

I switch perspectives and I am now a player on the field. I am sprinting towards the opposing team's goal in order to knock the ball in. I manage to do so by launching myself towards the goal.

Next thing that happens is that I am back at the perspective of the audience. There is a dispute whether the goal is actually legal. The dispute says that the keeper has scored an illegal goal, and the first concern of the team is that the goal isn't at all illegal. Second of all I highlight the fact that it was another players scoring the goal so the keepers throw can actually better be considered a pass. The keeper tells me that they will reach a decision within the coming 40 minutes. I tell him that they should highlight the fact that another player had a hand on the goal and that this can be seen from the video recordings of the game. I speak with the player who knocked in the ball and he confirms that he has indeed touched the ball.

I smell something fishy, first of all even if the keeper did score the goal that wouldn't be illegal secondly there has been a council decision that is rolling 2 vs. 2 on the validity of the score. I tell the team that I will investigate.

I find out that there are some black spies working to sabotage the game. When I say black it is because they seem led by the black spie figure of the old school game of black vs. White spies. So I infiltrate their squad and manage to get aboard one of their air planes. It seems like they are in a hurry to get away from the game.

The plane doesn't actually look like a plane on the inside though, it looks more like a trailer that builders use on site for their lunch breaks etc. On board I start breaking stuff. I rip the doors off cupboards and try feverishly to kick in a concrete chimney of sorts wearing my safety shoes. I wonder how it can be that the guys haven't noticed I am there and not one of them, but I suppose my disguise is good enough. When the plane has landed there is a conveyor belt of sorts coming off it and I cut this from the underside so it isn't useful. The conveyor belt seems like a plastic film on top of a filt carpet. I disembark the plane and for some reason the guys aren't getting off it.

Pil is there and he has set up a little table right next to the plane. We seem to be in an area sparse with foliage and rich on rocks and cliffs. I don't get the feeling that we are near any area populated. I decide to sit down with Pil and eat lunch, he is somehow already informed about my actions on the plane and seems to be an accomplish of sorts.

Minka turns up, or at least I think it is Minka, and I tell her that she can have the destroyed conveyor belt as a souvenir. She somehow seems to have something personal invested in this case and is glad that I have done what I have done. I ask her to join us for lunch but as I look around I can't seem to find an additional chair.
…

I am in a setting involving a boss fight in a raid in Rift and my main partner here is Duki. Duki is lying n his bed he is awake and in a joking mood. I notice that his body is covered in tattoos, which I find odd as I have never seen him with tats before. I think this scenario repeats itself a couple of times throughout the dream or throughout the night in general, but I am unsure if it is the same or separate dreams.

I am on a small island surrounded by murky water. I am in a raid instance although I am there physically and it feels more like a small complex with leaders in it. I am in the centre and there is a big slug like creature, the raid boss, and all of a sudden it starts running towards me. I know I have little chance of escape as it is, but I enable my speed buff and start running toward a slope where I know we have cleared everything on the top. I don't know if he will stop following me after some time, but I hope and still have my soul recall ability ready if he continues the pursuit.

After a while I am relieved to see that he stops chasing me. I start making my way back down there to initiate the confrontation. I meet up with Duki who seems to be a Dark Knight from Heroes of Might and Magic.

I engage the boss with a spear and rely on agility to keep him from hitting me. Duki isn't joining in in the way I would have liked and I shout out that I want him to charge the slug while I keep it occupied. The first successful charge like this is when I somehow wrap the spear around my body, ground the foot of the spear and manage to apply the head to the neck of the slug, immobilising him.

I shout out “now” to Duki and this time he comes charging in. I don't know if it is the killing blow or not, but I remember nothing more of that particular dream.
…

FA: I wake up and look at my dream journal. I wonder about this as I know I have stopped writing things down in the book. I rationalise that I must have been awake briefly and started writing stuff down. I wonder why I haven't finished the sentence I started.. it ends with the word “there” but it is very clear that the sentence is incomplete.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

14/12/10 I was in a series of dreams involving a lot of family at some sort of party. However the main plot of the storyline was me first of all ignoring a beautiful young woman's approach. This woman turned out to be my neighbour and some woman told me off for leaving her hanging there, considering the fact that I had been playing up to something more. I ended up walking to her door, my heart pounding and at the time I did not know if I would have the courage to knock. I hoped she would come out of the door before I had to and I got lucky. I mumbled something about how nervous I felt and she invited me in.

Throughout the dreams we end up dating and although we make out a lot and she continue to agree to my my sexual approaches we never get to actually do it. And although I never stop to think about the fact that I am dreaming, in the dreams I remember being really frustrated about the fact that I awake before we get to do anything. Her kiss felt amazing and I even remember running my finger under the edge of her underwear, feeling faint hairs growing back after a shave.

Reflection: Although the dreams themselves remain unfulfilled it seemed like I was learning a lesson. A lesson on how to combat a stupid amount of shyness I feel when approaching women. Lets see how it pans out.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

30/11/10 I was with 2 people following a “case” we were trying to weed out a traitor in our midst. This all of a sudden means we have to climb a big building and we are looking at people coming down the sides. Although I am lucid at this point I am not able to comprehend that I am able to fly up there, primarily because the plot seems to be oriented around the Dresden Files. I soon figure out by way of my companion pointing out that Morgan Freeman, the other companion previously, has managed to reach the top of the building without getting caught by the bad guys climbing down. Right so I have my traitor and I figure the most prominent way to reach the top of this buidling will be with a spell. I point my hand to the ground and shout Forzare! and I fly massively high into the air. Already as I am on the way up I remember that I tend to have a problem with falling down, I don't freaking like it! However the fact that I am conscious about my fear hitting me, before it actually does so, means I am prepared for it and can control it. I manage a solution which partially means using the same spell, with less juice, to control my decent and partially turning into a giant of obscure proportions. I land on the roof top and Morgan Freeman, the traitor is ridiculously small compared to me. Damn I think, however this seems to be a tad premature as I actually do manage to shrink in size, with considerable less effort than what I have tried before. The only problem is that Freeman sees a way of loosing me by shrinking as well and after. So I stand there for a bit increasing the size and animation, from what is best described as a jelly bear, to a fully functioning version of the man, backwards and forwards. Which although it actually was entertaining to watch, was frustrating as hell because I couldn't keep him large.

I give up and fly out of the window without breaking it. I feel relieved as I have that amount of control available again plus the fact that I have managed to reduce in size and actually demonstrate some form of control over something external to me, something I am not normally too great at. I fly around for a bit until I can feel the dream slipping a bit, but I can't manage to stabilise it. However I have a false awakening as I fall out of my bed and can hear myself talking. I notice that my flat mate can hear me again, but he shrugs it off, because he knows I am dreaming (Here is another great lucidity miss, just coming out of a lucid state, I am aware I am talking in my sleep and I know my flat mate is aware that “I am just dreaming”, yet I don't become lucid again) I wake up soon after.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

05-10-10 I am in Bournemouth and I think in the beginning I am conducting some sort of important official business, I am in a position of power. There is a change in the dream where I meet up with Elliot and Mark Phelps for a chat about old days and Elliot is persistent in his persuasion of getting me to test out my golf swing so he can see it for old times sake. In the beginning I am focusing on my grip and my hand is turned so far around (anatomically impossible) and I tell him that it is the way I grip the club. He gives me some sort of metal object, which could be a torn off car antenna, as he doesn't believe me and sure enough my grip is different when trying it out on the antenna. I start focusing on my thumbs and interlocking my fingers, and testing out the grip without the interlocking. I am talking about some sort of baseball style grip, as someone is telling me that the new official tee off swing requires a run up, Happy Gilmore style. I test my stance and some sort of short fellow corrects my shoulders and feet to get me into something that reminds me more of a Quigong stance. I try my swing a couple of times and then he asks if any of us ever wondered about going pro. I reply I toyed with the idea but gave up as I such too much and 26 is too old to take up any professional line of sports. Elliot questions me about this. I seem to remember something about the road lay out, but it is practically non-recallable, will edit if it comes to me.

FA. I am in my bed in sunny surroundings and my mother asks me if I dreamt about being someone important. I ask her why and she explains that I was talking in my sleep. All she and I say are blurry words but I remember that it was indeed from my official business in the first part of the dream. I say I was a minister (the governmental position, not a religious one). Then Ulrike appears appears and we talk about me still dreaming about people from EIMS and I explain that I, probably more than others got highly emotionally attached to the place. She tells me she is sorry that I still have to dream about that place and at this point I start becoming suspicious, primarily because she is also a person from EIMS. I notice a false memory appearing about her leaving a year or so back and she makes it clear that she does not dream about it ever. I close my eyes to go to sleep again, but she keeps harassing me with some sort of important piece of work she is conducting with Dennis from China. I say sure you are. I close my eyes again and I seem unable to speak so I try telepathically to reach out for Mitzu (A woman that appeared in one of my lucids, while I was on holiday, who came when I requested to meet my dream guide, still have the dream in note form, need to get around getting all those posted. Thinking about it, I probably should have tried texting her for the TOTM). When I open my eyes and walk out of bed I pat Ulrike on the back and check my fingers that at first are blurry, and when I check again, has an additional finger in the middle of the hand. I notice the woman is dressed as Mitzu was the first time I saw her, but I have no presence of mind to actually check who it is, my first point on the agenda is to stabilise the dream. In the dream I sort of just expect it to be Ulrike, so if it was Mitzu let me express my awaken apologies. I start paying attention to my senses and rub my hands, I draw in a huge breath from my nose in order to notice any smells. I notice I am now in a much tidier state of my room and the sunny surroundings and my mum have disappeared. instead of the dining table next to my bed there is a smaller coffee table and my jersey is hanging on the wall where the telly normally is. This is all I experience from the dream as everything goes black and I find myself firmly rooted behind my eyelids in the physical world.

Note to self: I am finding myself getting lucid more often, but also that they end quickly and abruptly. There may be an idea in checking up on DEILD methods, as I find myself able to lie perfectly still, until I can truly get the initial stabilisation under my belt.

Also. Buy an alarm clock so I can start working on the WILD project again!

…

I am in a house by the river in a tropical setting. There are many Stygian dolls, and for those not familiar with the Diablo 2 environment, these are the animated skeletons of small people about 1-2 feet tall that have a nasty sting and explode when they die, which they do easily. Anyways killing is not on the agenda, the dolls' habitat is threatened due to advances of humans into the forest and in the end the dolls get washed down the river and I end up making peace with them and help them establish a settlement by the shore. Longer up the beach more tourist resorts and residence housing is established and these people are afraid of the dolls (think because they are skeletons and somewhat unnatural), but they dare not openly attack them while I am mediating the hostile relationship. At one point I go the dolls on a rainy day and they end up stabbing me in sheer excitement, they are not trying to hurt me, they just can't help themselves (aren't they cute ^^). I also have lengthy conversations with the humans about them detesting me communicating as I do with the dolls. Somewhere in the back of my mind I have a feeling that the situation is quite familiar (I am always championing the position of tolerance and attempting to understand different religions and cultures, in my somewhat racist and fear-of-the-unknown oriented family. However I am not considering immigrants in Denmark on the level of Stygian dolls ^^)

Non-Lucid Lucid

28-08-10 I was in my grandfathers house on the floor reading. There is a girl next to me, actually my mother is also there, but she quickly leaves and I put my head in the lab of the girl and start stroking her head, at first she finds it nice, but then say I should stop it, so I do. I am trying to go to sleep. At one point I see Djana (home town friend) and her sister standing outside the door I go to let them in, oh yes that is right it is New years eve, how could I forget, Don't be lame and spend it alone like last year! I go up to see what is making that noise in the kitchen it is my mum making coffee. We gather around the table for dinner I look out and I swear that I can see some sort of weird distorted daylight, I talk about this with my uncle who tells me it must have been lights from the car, “What, that somehow generate enough energy to illuminate the planet in daylight!?”

I am not sure if I wake up or there is just a shift in the dream..

Next dream I am watching Yes Man (haven't seen that film so pretty sure it is nothing like it). I see Jim Carrey come strolling in an office, he is stopped by his secretary who is completely naked, hang on is she actually really naked, I look again, closer yep she is naked small perky breasts and a neatly trimmed landing strip, nice! I follow Jim as he thinks nothing of this and continues in the office. He is talking to someone, he gets interrupted by his secretary, chess! Anyways I notice that people are somewhat out of phase and only Jim can see in both phases. There is a shift he is going somewhere to do some carpentry, now as Sam from True Blood, he is in the service of some lord, who likes having well built partially naked men around, Sam runs out and I follow.

same as before..

I was in a train, actually more like a subway train and was very suspicious that I was dreaming. I am escaping some terrorists led by John Travolta in the setting of that recent film I saw something about train 123. After the train is split in half and an explosion is tearing through the station I wonder why the windows of the train don't get damaged. I manage to get away and go through a door that leads upwards, but still look like the door that is connecting trains. I go up jump through a couple of windows. When I find that at the top of the stairs there is a last door that leads out through another moving train I decide that is RC enough, I am defo dreaming. I run upwards through more stairs and shoot some terrorists with the AK47 that I apparently have just received. I make sure I really use my vision and touch some bags on the way up to stabilise. I quickly grow bored of playing action movie, I have stuff to do! I fly upwards through the walls, ground everything, man I am so pleased I discovered how to do this! Oh oh.. now I have to think of a scenario where I want to reappear, I am bad at this (stupid idiot, you have just made sure you can't do it >.<). I come out in pretty much HH land loads of flickering lights and fragments. but I am still in a dream, the closest I come to an actual dream scenario is some grassy land in front of Taj Mahal, that seems drawn by a school girl. Can't handle this I wake up, hang on a minute.. wake up, this doesn't feel right. There is something on my sheet which is a picture of an old school no signal screen they used to put on at night time.. lets see if we can find one.. there..

Now in the dream there are loads of small coloured squares in the version I saw, and in fact there were loads of coloured squares all over the shop. So I quickly pay close attention and make sure I spot a red, blue and yellow. I jump out of bed, am I still dreaming? it is starting to feel very realistic! I look at my hand, oh that looks normal... wait.. is my index finger growing shorter? ARGH, that is some scary mumbo jumbo that is, stop looking at it and jump out the window, yes lets do the classic exit without breaking the glass stunt I have grown fond of. My friends are outside, quite impressed with the leaping through the window and me weakening gravity to land elegantly, what did I have to do again? BAH can't remember my personal goals, lets see if a noob like me can do a unicorn!

Hmm the last time I was on this street some crazy things happened if I looked to the left, Left it is! Oh would you look at that there are a couple of beige (can you describe a horse as beige?) horses. Unicorn I shout in a seductive shout (a tone that sounds a bit like if you were a large cat shouting for the mouse to come out from the hole in the wall). I fly around the corner and turn right, I see a gathering of horses and a lot of shops around. Damn it I don't want to make a unicorn, would be cheesy to copy Nomad's move, at least I think it was Nomad who slapped an Ice cone on the head of the horse. Bah, get practising Vester, I turn around and see two white horses coming out of the cinema, this will have to do. Right “Unicoooooorrnn!” Nothing is happening I shout again, Out comes a White glowy horse, with a purple mane and a horn on it head, chess! Damn though, you are going to look like an idiot on dreamviews for spawning something that looks like it came out of “my little pony” don't care, lets get to ride it, the unicorn goes behind a car and comes out in human form “DAMN YOU!” “actually you are one stunning red head!” I jump on her back, pretty sure that getting a piggy back ride from a unicorn in human form won't count(haven't even read up on if this is possible in mythology surrounding unicorns), screw it maybe I can trick her. “You are very beautiful, even in your horse form!”. She seems insulted being put in the same box as a petty mortal mammal used for transportation by humans and say “stop mocking me” “Oh sorry I meant Unicorn, you are a very beautiful Unicorn” She looks at me teasingly and I wake up.

24-08-10 Gonna start from the end, as the beginning seems very blurry, much of the dream could have transpired during my snoozes that happened over an hour. I am talking to Sam about something, the woman from before is interrupting in what might be Norwegian, I seem to understand some of it, but although it sounds strange and makes me a bit suspicions, I write it off as wishful thinking. People are exiting the bus, I am waiting behind as I need to get to the top floor to get my backpack. As we are coming to and end of the journey I continue my conversation with some of the younger guys, I explain how awesome the train policy in Germany is regarding group tickets (missed the train sign), some of the younger guys have asked Sam (a younger Sam Winchester, only in resemblance, residue) if they are really going to Amsterdam. We recently got to Holland and as this comes to my mind, I say it it sounds interesting. This conversation is happening on the top of the pier, a pier I have come to like over the past few days, there are 4 or 5 of us now present. “Sam”, his best friend the younger guys and the outsider, namely me. I am still in awe about what Sam and his friend have just done, the reason we are now sitting atop the pier, that rises very high above the surface of the water. The journey back up to the pier starts in the ocean, I wonder why Sam's friend doesn't swim as it will be quicker, but he seems to prefer walking on water. As I come to the flight of stairs I notice a lot of silver worms in the sand (Residue, you guys should have seen the size of the creatures I saw at work yesterday) I quickly head to the top and await the others. I quickly swim over to Sam's friend and tell him what they just was insane and amazing. They placed themselves in the top of a box stacked upon another, and tilted this from the top of the pier into the sea. Funny enough the boxes actually don't just fall down, but slam into the side of the pier sling shooting Sam and his friend under it, but I somehow know that this is what they intended and both come out OK. Think this is where I first saw the woman who spoke in Norwegian, short blonde girl with a slim face and very very long hair, not all smooth, which sort of goes with the crowd we are hanging out with.
…
Blur!
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Oh and here is what I remember from my second dream ! I wake up, I know I have to go to work tomorrow and I know I am only in my first REM stage, I am really tired so I quickly find a post-it block and jog down a few bullets from my first dream, wow that was quite short but amazing. I might as well try to WILD, as I might have to leave the minute my alarm goes off, I lye down, focus on my breath with the intention of going to sleep, I use my breath checking on a lower frequency than before, as I recall how aware and awake I can become if I focus on it too much... I soon drift off and go to sleep...