Vivid365

I was lucid, naturally lucid. I was outside on some pavement trying to build some momentum to fly. I normally fly with no problems at all, but occasionally, I can't. I feel too heavy to lift off the ground or I can't get up past a few feet for more than a few seconds.

I accepted that this was one of those lucid dreams where I just don't have it in me to fly.

Suddenly I was pulled FAST through time.

I saw my entire life flash before my eyes until it was over and I was dead.
It was like the entire timeline of my life was a tunnel and I was being pulled through faster than the speed of sound. I caught glimpses of everything: my kids growing up, my aging, the mundaneness of day to day life. It all happened so fast
until I was old with white hair. 82 years old.
In a hospital. And out the life tunnel I went, my life over. And I was floating in pure black nothingness. My entire life gone, far away. A mere dot of light where I once existed.

It was the end.

I had a dream that I was walking around with a woman who looked exactly like me in appearance but totally opposite in personality. She had a cooler sense of style than me, seemed to have a lot of money, and she gave off the impression that she could take care of me. She was a lesbian, but somehow had a kid the same age as mine.

The woman and I went everywhere together. She was superior to me in a lot of ways, but I suspected her superiority was an act.
I was deep into a relationship with her, but it wasn't a typical romantic relationship. It wasn't love or attraction, just that she was taking care of me in life, financially and socially.

At a family gathering, she made sarcastic comments about the people I spoke to, and she groaned about my family. I tried to defend them to her. I even stopped talking to family members mid-conversation to defend them to her. My family didn't mind her comments, or even notice them. They were just confused about my sudden silence to them.
That's when I realized: nobody could see her except me.
I was struggling to maintain relationships because of her comments. Her whispers about how awful these people were paralyzed me from my normal life. Those same criticizing comments inflicted self doubt that prompted me to change a lot about my actions. From little things like how to dress, to big things like where to live.
She tried to make me move into a big house she chose and mocked me when I expressed that I love my current home. I almost forgot about my own home in the whole process and I nearly moved in to hers.

This woman was ruling my life and making it miserable, but I clung onto her because she was stronger than me and took care of me, and I needed that. I felt fragile and gullible. I felt I didn't know what was good for myself; she did. I felt safe with her. Even though I was miserable and isolated, I feared being without her. I viewed her criticism as honesty, something that's hard to come by.

As I became more aware throughout this dream, I realized:
She was me, and her kid was actually my kid.

More accurately, was another me. One half of me or maybe an alternate version of me. She was strong and emotionless, got shit done, and kept things together. Without her, I'm sensitive, overflowing with emotion, and a mess.

In waking life, I'm bisexual and a mix of all these things. It's as if I was split into two entire people in this dream.