woffordwv

Over the last week, I have had some new vivid dreams involving me riding in granddads reliant with my mom and my sister. These dreams are different than the ones I was having last year as these are set at granddads house after he had to go to a nursing home and mom was trying to get his house ready to sell. These take place when I was 14 years old, about a year before the dreams I was having last year which were set in my parent’s driveway the spring after granddad died. Like the earlier dreams these appear to be a stuck dream that always follows the same chain of events.

The dreams I have had so far start with me playing in the backyard of granddads house. The yard looks just like I remember it looking when he had to go to the nursing home. Everything looked really overgrown and unkept rather than perfectly manicured since he had been too sick to keep up with it for a while.

Eventually mom walks out of granddads back door and calls for me and tells me I to go ahead an get in granddads reliant. I ask why we are taking the reliant home since I thought Dad was picking us up, and she said he has a meeting and she had been wanting to move the reliant to our house anyway. I asked her how we could all fit in the reliant since she had the back seat loaded full of stuff and she reminded me it could fit 3 in the front seat and told me I was riding in the middle since it was my sister day to choose her seat and she wanted to be by the window. I asked if I could keep playing in the yard until she and my sister were ready to go and she snapped at me that she needed us out of her way for a little while and wanted me in the car NOW. That my sister would be right behind me and I needed to get in first since I was in the middle.

As I walk towards the car, mom reminds me to buckle-up. I then walk through the front yead to the tan reliant that was covered in pollen and parked on the street in front of granddads house. I open the passenger side door and the sat down on the tan vinyl bench seat and then close the passenger side door and slide over to the middle seat and fasten the tan lap belt around my waist.

As I sit in the car, I noticed that something really sinks but figure it’s either all of the stuff that mom had loaded into the back seat or that the car had been sitting for several weeks. It is really in pleasant waiting in the car, in addition to the unpleasant odor it’s really uncomfortable in the middle because the lap belt was snugly against my hips and my feet were stuck on the bump in the middle and my knees were bumping the a/c controls. I am mad mom is making me ride there since my sister is smaller than me and could get by better with less room.

After I had been waiting for a few minutes, my sister is walking down granddads front walk towards the car. She had the same hairstyle I remember her having at that time when she was 10 years old and is always wearing a pink dress and tan sandals she liked to wear back then. She opens the passenger side door and then sits down in the passenger seat then closes the door and buckles her seat belt. It’s even more uncomfortable waiting with her in the car, because her body was now pressed against mine.

We then have to spend what seemed like forever in the car waiting for mom to come-out. It seems like we have to wait a lot longer than we did in the dreams I was having last year at it was probably around 45 minutes to possibly an hour and is really unpleasant. While we sit and wait my sister always alternates talking about how bad the car smells and accuses me of tooting; rubbing it in that she got to choose the window seat and I was stuck in the middle; and wanting talk about how she fells about granddad being sick and dying and trying to get me to share my feelings on it. I try to change the subject whenever she talks about granddad, because it was too upsetting for me to think about or discuss but she just keeps bring it up again and again. She also keeps putting her head on my shoulder and smiling in my face while stretching her feet onto the glove box. I am super bored waiting for mom and kept focusing on my sisters sandals being the same color tan as the floor matts and glove box and blending in with them; the reflection of me and my sister on the windshield and passenger side window an how embarrassed it makes me feel that I was so much taller than her yet she is by the window and I am in the middle; and people walking their dogs down the street and hoping none of them saw me and my sister waiting in the car and noticed the embarrassing seating arrangement.

Finally, after what seemed like FOREVER, my sister says “I see mommy coming” and then turned my head to see mom locking the front door of granddads house and then walking around the back of the car to put something in the trunk. She closes the truck and then goes to talk to someone across the street from us. Eventually she unlocks the driver side door and then sits down in the driver seat on my left. I feel her body pressed against mine as she put the key in the ignition and then reaches behind me to put her purse in the back seat. I heard the annoying buzzing sound until she closes the driver side door. I felt really squished between my mom and sister with both of them rubbing against me.

Mom thens turn the key to start the car but it doesn’t want to start-up and after each failed crank there is the annoying buzzing sound and red lights on the dash. I get really uncomfortable being stuck between my mom and sister while mom keeps trying to start the car and it becomes obvious it is going to take a while. I start asking mom if I can get out. She just ignores me until eventually, she snapps at me and gets in my face and screams at me that I need to calm down; that she is doing the best she could; that if it won’t start it’s not a big deal because dad could pick us up on his way home; and that I WILL stay buckled in my seat until she tells me I can get out.

After she turns her attention back to trying to get the car started, she also notices that something really stinks in the car. My sister tells her that I have been pooting and I try to explain that it smelled before I got in. Mom says it smells like poo to her and tells me to check my shoes. I check them and discover I stepped in something. I ask my sister to let me out so I can clean them, but mom gets in my face and yells at me about stepping in poo and tells me to give it to her and she will clean it for me. I try to tell her I would rather get out and clean it myself so she can keep trying to start the car, but she snaps at me again and reminds me she is in charge and that she wants me to stay buckled in my seat. She is in my face telling me I need to calm down and have a better attitude when she gets back to the car as I take off my shoe and give it to her.

She then gets out and closes me and my sister back in the car while she disappears back into granddads house with me shoe. As I sit and wait in the car with my sister, she is telling me how gross it is that I stepped in poo and is now just whining about how bad the car smells and asking me why I didn’t check my shoes when I noticed something smelled before she even got it. I have to listen to this until we see mom walking back towards the car.

When mom opens the driver side door, she hands me a wet paper towel and tell me to wipe down the bump I had my feet on with it and then hands me my shoe she has cleaned after I give her the paper towel back. She then goes to put the paper towel in granddads trash can while I put my shoe back on.

Soon she is opening the driver side door again and then sitting back down in the driver seat. She starts pumping on the accelerator and turning the key. After several more cranks with the car not starting and hearing the annoying buzzing sound and seeing the dash illuminated with red lights, mom is finally able to get the reliant started. My sister immediately leans in front of me to change the radio from an AM news station to her favorite FM station and then turns up the volume and starts singing along to the song on the radio while mom is leaning over me to adjust the rearview mirror and then the passenger side mirror. It is really uncomfortable having them both in my space and it’s annoying having to hear my sister sing along to the radio.

Once mom has everything adjusted, she pulls the shift lever to put the car in drive but nothing happens when she presses on the accelerator. She checks to make sure the parking brake is not on and then reaches in front of me and turns of the radio and discovers the car knocked off. She starts trying to turn the key, but nothing happens except the buzzing sound and red lights on the dash. I notice the car is still in park and try to tell mom, but she snaps at me that she is doing the best she can and I need to calm down so she can concentrate on starting the car.

After several more cranks, she discovers that the car is out of gear like a tried to tell her earlier. She snaps at me again when I remind her I had tried to tell her earlier. She puts the car back in park and tries to get it started again. This time, the battery sounds weak and after a few cranks, the car just makes a rattling sound and the buzzing and red lights on the dash are fainter than they really are.

I reach to undo my seat belt, but mom snaps at me again and tells me that she is going to see if one of granddads neighbors can give us a jump start and says she wants me and my sister to stay buckled in the car. I usually wake up from the dream either arguing with mom about her wanting me to stay buckled in the car of after she has gotten out to look for a jump start. I do not know if she is able to find a jump start or if it works and we are able to drive the reliant home.

As these dreams have progressed I seem to be arguing with mom more about her wanting me to sit in the middle, wait in the car, and buckle-up when I get in. When I try to argue with her, she just gets angry and more assertive that she is in control/in charge and that I am to do what she says. So far, my arguing has not worked as mom always makes me go and get in the middle seat and buckle-up.

I am also trying to get more assertive about trying to get mom to let me out of the car when she is having trouble starting it, when she discovers I stepped in dog poop, and when the batter dies. However, this just makes her angry and she doubles down on her being in charge and that I am to stay buckled in my seat.

In these new dreams, I find riding in the middle much more uncomfortable both physically and emotionally than I did in the dreams I had last winter. In those dreams, it was like I was along for the ride and in these dreams I want to be anywhere other than riding in the middle of the front seat of granddads reliant. I feel physically uncomfortable because of the seatbelt fitting snug on my hips; my feet being stuck on the hump; my knees bumping again the a/c controls; and my sister and then mom being pressed-up against me. I feel emotionally uncomfortable because I find it really embarrassing that I am in the middle riding between my mom and my younger/shorter/smaller sister. It also makes me fell really uncomfortable being squished between them and not having any personal space.

If this dream keeps happening, I will try to start journaling changes I notice each time I have it to see if it starts moving in some other direction.