lucid

I haven’t really been practicing lucid dreaming (LD) much these past few years. I still have random sleep paralysis (SP) episodes that are mostly unpleasant or creepy, but sometimes they get interesting.

Last night was not an SP night, but I was experimenting with grounded bed sheets because something has been causing poor sleep. It was a cheap option and worth a shot. I have no idea if my dreams last night were related to being grounded or if it was some sort of unexpected placebo, but it’s worth noting. That said, my sleep didn’t improve much, and I ended up taking a Xanax my doctor prescribed because he thinks my sleep issues are all anxiety-related. I’m not convinced.

Anyway, in the first few hours, I had a very long, confusing, but vivid dream. I think it stemmed from a mix of recent work travel and past events. Long story short, I was preparing for a flight to join the military (funny because I’m way too old), and my mom was there (RIP). I started to realize joining the military was a bad idea. I went to say goodbye to my wife, but she was my ex-wife, and then she morphed into a co-worker with the same first name. She looked confused and standoffish. Mom told her to say goodbye and enjoy our last moments. I said she never gave a shit anyway. I turned to the boarding ramp, and my anxiety kicked in with racing thoughts about how I didn’t want to do this.
I had periods of restlessness and ups and downs after that. My anxiety was still intense, so I took a Xanax.

Late in the morning, my alarm went off for my workout, but I was too exhausted to care, so I gave myself another hour of sleep. When the alarm rang again, I was sleeping so well that I hit snooze a ton. In between snoozes, I had multiple false awakenings that I caught onto. I even did a nose-plug reality check in one—it’s always so weird to blow through that. The lucid dreams were mostly low-quality, but I played a lot with morphing through objects. In one instance, I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, and my face morphed like Ponyo when she’s doing magic (we recently rewatched that movie). So, I morphed into the mirror—it was very Matrix-like. Other times, I did things like morph through the floor into the crawl space, only to find our three cats milling about down there. The rest was just passing through walls and floating around the house.

All of this is very interesting if it has anything to do with the grounding sheets. I don’t expect this to happen every night, but I’m hopeful and will definitely keep it in mind.

Thought I was going to a McDonald's that was in some old trailor house. Floor was really bouncy in spots. One spot is so bouncy I did a flip and crash on the floor. Some rough looking redneck possibly a homeless meth-head started making fun of me. I tried to explain about the floor but he doesn'tseem to get it. I look around at who else saw me and realize there is no McDonald's and that I never go to McDonald's anyway. I realize I just walked into some party and they didnt they are so wasted the dont know that I dont belong there and mostly ignore me. I feel the urgent need to leave. The ground is bouncy outside too and this triggers lucidity. I immediately forget about whatever I was going to do next and stop to just randomly explore the area. I see a fridge and I decide to open it. Looks like cans of some wierd brand of stuff. I cant read it but for some reason I think its exactly the same stuff as my fridge in waking life (its not). I laugh about this. I wonder around some more very aimlessly for a good while. My memory is foggy here. I realize there is a very attractive young woman following me around. Still fits the redneck or country look but very pretty. She has a shirt tied up to show her belly. Short cut offs and boots. I pause. Shes says, "Well what else can we do?" I try to think but have nothing to say. She rewords her question, "I dont want leave. You wanna to DO something else?" She gesture towards her body. I say, Oh yeah, I want to do something." I grab her and kiss her. She very seductively whispers what I said in my ear. While making out the dream fades to black. I have a false awakening and instantly feel like I failed some sort of test. I admonish myself for giving in to lust in a dream. I feel ashamed. I tell myself next time I will just ingore this type of dream character. My mouth feels dry and full of sand. Somehow I think I bit into something like a graphite mold in the dream and it transferred into waking life. I find it only slightly odd and very annoyingly possible. I think I should rinse my mouth out but first I try to record the dream on my phone. This doesn't go well and I wake up. I haven't been sleeping well at all and I am too tired to record this until I wake up later.

I had a short random lucid dream like 20-40min after falling asleep at the beginning of the night. I havent been practicing and I suspect I have a lot of these types or randoms but my recall is terrible lately. I really need to start trying again.

I was at the table with Alysha and she was mocking me telling me "to suck it up" and "be a man". I dont even know what it was about but I got so pissed she wouldn't stop. So I said, "Im about to knock you out" ( I only say that to the dog jokingly in waking life lol). Some old black woman materializes vetween us and starts calming me down and saying calming things and holding my hands over the trash can for some reason. I look over her at my wife to mean mug her but her appearance keeps shifting slightly and I recognize it as a dream. My anger leaves and I zoom over to her and tell her that I am so sorry and I forgive her. She says the same thing back. I say "I know you are just an aspect of myself but Im not going to say how I know that". Then we go to leave and she wants to make out but I want to go do things outside. I kiss her a little and then push away. I wake up.

I think its about time I buckle down and get serious again. I keep having random DILDs. A lot of them I forget and most I fail to record. I wrote this one down from a few nights ago. This is a straight copy from my mobile notes app so the format will be sloppy and there are typos.

Back from a jog somewhere unfamiliar. Alysha in car to pick me up. Shes wearing strang matching color top amd bottom. Light beige almost skin color but it seems bright or highly contrasted to the surroundings somehow. I do a double take and she has moved to the passenger seat. I hop in the driver seat and take off kind of fast. The car seems loud. There is a man on the bridge looking over. He glitches locations along the bridge.

Some how I know its a dream and I floor it and swerve right at him. I say to my wife watch this. I hit him and he flies over the top of the car. I say BOOM. I dont even slow down. I just keep driving
I look at Alysha and shes expressionless. I say i dont even care if you know I am draleaming anymore.
What?
I mean I dont care if you know its a dream.
She skreiks loudly, MIIIKKEE!
The "noise" of it wakes me up.

I dream that I have to go pee at work. I enter the restroom and see S. I start to pee in the trash right next to him. I realize what I am doing and just act like it was all a joke. S laughs nervously. I walk up to the urinals but instead of urinals it’s a low wall that opens up into a shooting gallery type space. Its very similar to the Texas Ren Fest we visited for Thanksgiving break this year in waking life. Instead of targets there are guys running around getting “shot at”. I have to pee so bad I don’t care. I figure if that’s what they want to do so what. My urine stream is very much not like normal. It sort of just forms a wide high powered spray instead of stream. I feel like I am peeing a long time with no relief. At some point the guys in there start shooting back. Now I am very mad. Some of it hit my shirt and got my hair. I go to the sink and start trying to wash off. I am so mad I want to beat that guy that peed on me. L from management and some other guy walk in asking what is going on. I say, “that idiot peed on me.” I really should knock him out. Then it clicks. I am dreaming. I can do whatever I want. I can’t get fired for it. I immediately go tackle the guy that peed on me and start beating his face with my fist until there is a lot of blood. I notice how dull and unreal it feels to hit him but I am satisfied. I get up and start to leave but I wake up at that moment and have to pee very badly. I felt thankful that I didn’t wet the bed.

False awakening

On an airplane. I look out the window and I am high in the sky. I decide I must have fallen asleep before takeoff. My mom is there.

Some dialogue.

I’m in cockpit view now but I'm not the pilot. The plane keeps going up.

I’m above the cockpit now outside of the plane. Think video game.

The plane is not flying right. It goes straight up and down then stalls out.

Now it's tumbling toward the ground. I sincerely believe I am about to die.

Another FA except I know its a dream but its a low level of lucidity as I am still invested in the previous scene.

I decide to rebuild the plane so it can fly correctly. Its still a video game view and the parts of the plane are very much like Terratech.

My son is with me discussing how to do it (we have been playing a lot of Terrtech together in waking life).

The wing pieces don’t look right and my son keeps making suggestions. Annoyed, I finally say, "Look we can just pretend it will work and it will work (knowing its a dream).
It doesn't have to look right."
]
I wake up.

I dream I am at work sourcing many assemblies. C is there asking me to work all night and all weekend and says they will pay me for two weekends. I say no way. I am tired. I get really sleepy and fall asleep at the desk.
I wake in the source room. There is a bed. S and L are there. I am somehow using S bed but I also associate it as her desk. I feel awkward about it. S and L are talking to me like no big deal. I feel so sleepy still but make myself sit up. I tell them I need to just go home.

*Partially awake*

Watching some version of Star Wars. It looks extra high defection. I think this is odd. Then it goes to a scene with an obvious green-screen background.

*partially awake* Thinking about how odd is was that portion of a dream could be so HI-DEF. Reminds me of some conversations on DV about that. Lucid dreaming....

I am walking into some sort of public restroom with some guy and woman. I see a full body mirror. I am still thinking of lucid dreaming. I practice some visual awareness and remind myself how wierd mirrors and get in dreams. At that moment everything is the mirror get all wavy and out of focus. I become fully lucid.

I become very happy and excited. I turn and see the woman. She is not all attractive. I don't know who she is. I ask her what we are doing. I say LUCID DREAMING!. She doesn't talk. I knew I had a goal but cant remember. For some reason I slap one of her boobs. Then that starts something but I quickly push her away. I say I don't want to waste dream time with this. She says something about how she wants me so bad but I tune her out and walk away saying, NOOOOOPPE!

I am walking down a hallway. I see a boy with harry potter looking glasses. I rub my hands together to increase vividness. The dream is pretty solid but I want to maintain. I pat the boy on the cheeks and say "hey buddy" he doesn't respond so I move on. I take in the detail of the dream. Very vivid still. The hallway has such bright red carpet with gold trim running down the hallway. I continue walking.

The hallway morphs into an outdoor courtyard. I see a girl walking toward me. I'm not particularly interested but then I notice a flutter. When I focus on her she has morphed into at bright red bird. She flies to a ledge on the adjacent building. I call out to the about about the girl that became a bird but he's not around. It's dark now but I ignore that. I call out to the girl/bird and ask her to come back. She ignores me. I try to fly up to her but I quickly fall down and land on my face. I laugh at that. No pain. I can't see the bird now and the dream is becoming very unstable. There is a sign on the building like a black twitter symbol. I call out again. I see a brown sparrow fly away with some grass in its beak. I think this is her but the dream is crashing and going black. I decide to let it go and wake up so that I will remember the dream.

Some fragment about eating Thai chili peppers but they taste sweet even when dipped in salsa.

I am with my son at a football game. There is some younger woman annoyingly close to me on the other side. It's awkward but I remain polite and try to ignore it.
There is somehow a commercial playing on the field and we get bored. We can see the night sky. There is a meteor shower happening at an incredible rate. I point it out to my son. Then the sky lights up like daytime. I say something about how it was dark just a moment ago. The sun must have been blocked somehow. Then I see the sun moving way to fast and it's dark again within seconds. I say wait a minute something is very wrong. I ask if this is a dream. I think about doing a RC but no I say out loud. THIS IS A DREAM (very old dream sign).

I float up in the air. I see the woman below and think about doing something to her but I decide to leave it alone. I am now in a version of a bedroom from our previous house. I float to the next room. I see baby Clara in a high chair. Not knowing what else to do I play along. Hey Clara do you want out. She speaks very well and "says yes I do". I laugh at bit... she's only one year old in waking life. I ask her to say her name. It come out as Twara. I laugh some more. I ask her if she wants some breakfast and what she wants but she's becomes less and less responsive. I wonder into the kitchen but I get to wrapped up in finding food that I lose the dream and wake up.

Laid down at 8:30PM
was up at 9:30PM with RLS.
Laid back down after 10-15min.
Later I have very strong SP like sensations. I start focusing on the dream state. It is very dark. Have to visualize. I “get up” but I am not sure. I jump up and down and find I am hovering. Good. I get pulled back. I try some more. I can see myself so I start fighting my other self. I wrestle with me and get on top. I start to choke me. It feels like a representation of my waking self and I have to subdue it. I have to win to enter the dream. Who is this other?
After that victory, I “get out of bed” and jump up and down again to test. I stop mid jump and hover in the room. Then, I drift out and hover through the bathroom into the hallway. I think to turn into the other part of the house but suddenly get a strong urge to go outside time. Instead of opening the door, I decide to phase through. There is resistance and some darkness but only for a moment as I push my face through.
I am on side porch. The only thing in existence is a small area that the light from the porch could illuminate. Beyond that; darkness. I see the full carport and a vehicle and some bit of the shed and part of the yard. I try to fly away to make the full scene materialize but I am sucked back to the porch by some unseen and unknown force. Apparently, I am allowed to only go so far. I decide to make due.
I realize the parked car is a small red hatchback. We don’t own anything like that but I don’t think about this. I decide to open the door and fold it back to break it off but it crumbles easily like it’s made of thin aluminum. I think of a soda can. This is kind of fun so I proceed to destroy the car bit by bit by pulling it apart and folding sheets up and wading them up like pieces of paper. It is very satisfying and I continue to do this until I wake up.
The time is 10:30PM

#553 - DILD - 11:30PM

Another relatively early lucid. I'm not proud of this one. I was with some woman talking about something I can't remember. I had the thought that I could probably have sex with her but I thought I'll only try it if this is a dream. I don't want to actually cheat on my wife (maybe this is just as bad) plus there are other consequences to it. I do a nose plug and blow through clean. I wasn't all that surprised. I continue to talk but as I do I put an arm around her and get really close. She responds with, "Oh baby." and throws a leg over me.

I'll spare the reader the details but it was a very vivid and realistic experience with some oddities that only happen in dreams. I decide I need to stop for...reasons.

There is a whole non lucid segment where my wife walks in with the obvious drama attached. Guilty conscious I guess.

Not a lot to say and I am on mobile since I am out of town. I have trouble faliling asleep and eventually doze. I am only asleep for 30min when something triggers the same WILD/OBE feeling as the last entry. I float up and start to roll in the air. I open my dream eye and try to put feet on the floor but every thing is broken into fractals. Again everything is very trippy. I just ride it out trying to stabilize the dream as I can. I try to interact as much as possible but theres not much I can do. Several minutes pass and I start singing and saying silly things. I make my voice sound like Optimus Prime and I state authoritative things like this is my domain. I control all things here. I am in charge by the power of the lord jesus christ. Eventually I start hering a voice that sounded like my wife challenging my statements. I dont recall the conversation but its ends in getting annoyed and I just say oh shutup and she does. Then I wake more and am stuck in SP. I kind of start feeling panicky like there is an evil presence and that adrenaline wakes me up.

#551 DILD 11:20PM

I had another early sleep LD randomly. I wan't trying at all but this is a good sign I might be getting back to normal. Sleep is still kind of hit and miss though. I was indeed having a hard time going to sleep and I took a Melatonin at about 10PM. Also, I don't really know what to call these episodes anymore. Its not a WILD for sure since there was a complete loss in consciousness prior and I don't feel like there was any micro awakening just before. I just find myself having what feels like a WILD or OBE. I am assuming its connected to my past randomly occurring SP issues. Maybe it's a Wake Induced Lucid Dream for the fact that I had been asleep but partial woke up. These are just labels that don't matter but I do wish I could know whats going on so that I may be able to exploit it in the future.

Anyway, lm myself so I don't wake up. I feel a big smile on my face and I am loving the sense of gravity being manipulated. I take effort to see what going on and I notice I am descending down on something that looks like a mirror or a sheet of glass. I don't see my reflection but it looks like a room in my house. I find myself feeling like I am laying in bed but I am noticing a lot of WILD like transition symptoms. Lots of trippy hypnogogia type stuff. I don't quite recall all of it now. I do remember something like some textured white plastic with red pulsating lights under it. This was the most vivid of all and was the image that really got me realizing that I am in a dream transitional state. With that realization, I feel mild vibrations (probably just because I expect it now) and I become weightless. I rotate and slowly roll over uncontrollably. I become very excited at this and feel my heart rate pick up. I instantly remember to ca

I decide to phase through it with out any issue. Their is a brief darkness and then I find myself underwater near some ancient under water structures. The sea floor looks odd. Sandy but full of bits of debris. As I move in the water I heard very trippy watery sounds that I cant describe. I find this to be interesting and move around and listen for a bit. I even start calling out and it feels and sounds about what you would expect for being underwater. That clears up and sounds more normal after a moment. I call out Hello? who's there? Just to try to get something to happen. There's no answer but I see an odd stone with some sort of unrecognizable inscription on it like a rune. The more I look at it the more it looks like some sort of carved item. I ask what this is and I hear a voice say, "It's a a stone tablet." but for some reason I interpret this as it's a key.

There is a wall in front of me with an indention the same size as the stone carving. I insert it and it the wall lifts up. I enter and there is no water inside at the door but there are lower levels with water pooled up. I see two stone braziers. One on each side with steps leading down into the pools of water. The fire inside them looks really fake but its lighting the room. I walk down a stone corridor and search several rooms but they are all empty. I think I forgot to have some sort of expectations here as nothing interesting is really happening. I then hear my son's voice. I don't quite know what he is saying but I turn and follow it. There is some visual disturbances and I half wonder if I am waking up and he's really talking. I ask the voice if that is really him and if he's just up getting a drink of water. I think I am talking in my sleep and just half awake now but I am not quite sure (I make this mistake too often). I am now walking down a new hallway that is slowly turning into a version of my house. The dream slowly fades away and I wake up.

Edit: I forgot to mention that when I woke up I saw a grid pattern on everything witl some random muted colors. I focused on it for a bit and it would distort and twist. This has been happening to me a lot lately especially after waking from a vivid dream. I am not sure what is going on but I kind of like it.

550 DILD? 11PM


Mildly lucid some how. Spend a lot of dream time just running around doing random thing. I cant quite recall much. Then I suddenly become quite a bit more lucid which brings me back to bed. FA maybe? I wasnt fooled. I get familiar lucidity vody sensations. I love it and I become euphoric. There is a window up against the foot of the bed. I sort ooze out and float through. There is a spark of fear like something is after me. I decide to turn and face it. Nothing. I smirk and give the darm room the double birds. I roll over. I land on long grees grass. It feels night. Hear a distance rumble of thunder. Lightning flashes. Its all very tranquil. I stand and look in the distance. There a huge snowcapped mountains. Something makes me remember a private thought. I decide to try an experiment that never got me far. I call out to god to meet me. I get too excited and my voice sounds too real.

I am fooled by FA. I think I must have talked in my sleep. Maybe? My wife is talking something. I think its probably because I spoke out. Something touches my hands. I wake up wondering if that sensation of touch was real. I look at the time. I have been in bed for only. 30min!

#549 - DILD - 10:30PM

The beginning is unclear but I am in an area like some sort of odd indoor playground. There are huge cubes stacked up and I am trying to get a tote down to the floor. I am having a hard time so I decide to fly down. I reach out and concentrate and summon some white angle wings. I toss them on my back and feel them as I flap down. It's more of a swimming motion than flying.

When I land I realize what I had just done and become lucid. I turn around and see a pretty woman sitting in that distance smiling at me. I return her smile and decide to impress her by doing various acrobatic tricks. I float up onto another large cube and do a back flip then a hand stand but I let myself fall flat on my back for fun and for the feel of it. I stand up and look at her. She is still watching but not reacting. I wanted her to join me. I decide to get close to her. She feels familiar. I get the sudden urge try to kiss her but something odd happens. The dream morphs and I am face first into some sort of clear plastic cylinder. I say yeah, "That's not the same (ass kissing)". I toss the thing aside and lean in again but this time I am face first into some sort of dish will pelleted pet food. I look up at her feeling confused. She laughs and says, "I need got to let you go." That phrase hit me deeply. Now realize something meaningful might be happening here. I say yeah, "Me too." At that moment I feel a shift in my mind pulling me to waking consciousness.

It wasn't until after I woke up who the woman was in my dream. If anyone could actually visit me in a shared dream it would be her. This is the second time this has happened that I can recall but, it's been many years since. The first time was a real nightmare right after I broke up her and boy was she pissed. I don't know if she really visits me like this. Of has this kind of dream power over me but it sure feels like it's possible. Hopefully she really did let me go this time. She scares me.

#548 DILD 4:10AM

I am in Texas at the old place I lived in when dad was pastor at that church. The church looked different; more like a metal building than anything. Some reason I am sleeping on the ground next to it. I kept looking at how the bottom of the wall was just a 2x4 laying flat on the ground. I kept thinking that's not going to last.

Next thing I know I am walking around in a version of the house my wife bought before we got married. I notice that my feet are not hitting the floor. I start focusing on that and quickly realize I can make myself levitate. I am so excited. I gradually gain control of it more and more start quickly floating from room to room. I show off to my wife and son. My son is excited about it but I my wife is it like "That's cool. I'm going to the store." I spend some time floating around and over my son. He's enjoying and playing with me. I follow my wife outside talking about how I now have a superhero power and start thinking how this will change everything. Then it dawns on me this might just be a dream. I do a nose plug and blow through. I am actually disappointed at this point. I stop levitating and walk back in the house. My mom's sister and her husband pull up in the drive way. I am surprised to see them. Uncle keeps complaining about some guy on the highway during their drive. I'm not sure exactly what he's going on about but he keeps calling the guy a "stupid fucker". This is so out of character for him that I start laughing. We walk inside. And I start preparing food at the stove. Everything is so extremely vivid and lifelike that I do another RC. This time I poke my right finger into my left palm. For some reason there is a pill bottle on my finger for a fraction of a second. I note how odd it was but decide to try again. This time my finger morphs all the way through. There is a strange sensation in my hand and I see my finger coming out the back. Really weird. I look back at my uncle who has been watching with disinterest. Now that my attention is back on him, he immediately goes back to calling that guy a stupid fucker. The way he keeps saying it just weird and goofy. I mock him, repeating how he's saying it, and begin laughing again. Finally, just to get him to stop saying that, I ask him what the guy did that was so bad. At that moment I have a dream-shattering thought. Maybe too much awareness? I know that his response will make no sense because nothing really happened. I quickly force that idea away and listen. Uncle says "Weeeell... It's because he..." The dream fades. That thought, still lingering, did me in. Maybe it's for the best since my recall has been shit lately. I wake up.