Xanous' Dream Journal

Bedtime about 10:30PM WBTB natural no alarm 5:00AM sleep 5:30AM-8:15AM
LUCIDITY in red

At a church function potluck with mom and younger sis. The chruch was odd like a big confusing house. My mom found some lockers with a bunch of locks. You chose a locker and there are locks with keys available. Some with combinations. She chose a combination and tore the combination sticker off. She put her purse in. For some reason I have my laptop in its bag. I feel the strap on my right shoulder. There is confusion here and I can't seem to figure out what I am doing. I notice poster on the wall and some kids playing near by. I see them in peripherals only. I slap the poster and it makes a realistic noise. I feel a hole in the wall behind it. I pull the green thumb tack and look. It looks like a little geocache hidden in the wall. I decide to leave it alone and replace the thumb tack. I walk into the dining area and find my mom and sis. Mom waves at me. I now have this giant white down jacket. I don't know were to put it. I start to just throw it on an end table but Mom points and says, "There is a place over there."

I turn around. I see my dead grandmother (nanny) standing with the crowd but facing me. I was so focused on putting my jacket up that I almost walked past her. What made me do a double take was the fact she was wearing a crazy Lacy bright white dress. She looks ghostly. I thought maybe she is a ghost.

I don't know when it dawned on me I was dreaming. There was no ah ha moment. No excitement. I was just shocked to see her standing there. I remembered the last lucid several years ago right after she and papa died. I got to say goodbye and it was a profound experience, real or not. So I take advantage of the moment. I slowly walk to her and hug her. I am shocked that I could physicaly feel pressure against me. I say, "Oh! Grandma, you are here." I kiss her on the mouth. Unusual but not sexual. Still hugging her I say, "I'm sorry you died."
Her reply was giggerish. I said, "what?" Gibberish. "What?" I speak louder this time. More gibberish but she seems like she is trying so hard. I got the general idea of her saying comforting things. Then it all fades to black.

When I find myself back in bed. I Don't move I don't open my eyes. I Don't even think. I just stay in a clear and relaxed meditative state. I feel a very slight twinge of SP. Then floating. I feel my right leg float up. I almost woke at this. I stay very calm. There is no excitement only observation and curiosity. I thought about my previous SP transitions. So I let my leg float. Then I visualize or imagine my right leg joining. I am nearly standing on my head in bed. There is no feeling of gravity. I think about the floor touching my feet. That seems to help. I feel my legs flip over the side of the bed. My head is still attached to the pillow and arms feel pinned. The moment my feet touch the floor I force myself stand up straight. Yes! I am happy that I transitioned. I realize FA was not an issue. I notice my eyes are still closed so I slowly open. No stop. I feel my real eyes slightly part and see unfocused ceiling of my room. I think, "Ok fine. I can just do this blind until I can see." I feel along the wall and open the door. And see the dining room. I guess forgetting about the vision problem made it go away. I see water dribbled in a trail from the kitchen through the dining room into living room. I wonder what the kids had done. I figure they must be up already. Then I realize it doesn't matter because I have dreaming. I had no real plan so I just walk outside naked. I enjoy the full unrestrained freedom of my LD and started running down my sidewalk. I feel a little modest now. I look down to see if I am really naked. I sure felt naked. I saw my bare skin but I thought I saw underwear. For some reason I had a huge pregnant belly like my wife. "Whatever". I feel my crotch and there is fabric. Also the whole time I have a piece of the comforter blanket from the bed around my neck and flowing behind me like a cap. I looked around briefly and was a little surprised how acturate my mind was being. The neighborhood looks almost perfect to RL but everything had a slight tinge of red color. I noticed a strange Doberman tied to a tree across the street. It was grey with glowing eyes. "Ah there's it is." I am happy to have some reasureance that it was a dream. I was starting to think I was going to have to apologize to the neighbors for "sleep walking" naked. I continue my run down the street as the world fades to black.

I think about trying deild but I was pleased with myself. I felt I passed a milestone with transitioning and was distracted by memory of my nanny.

Fragment
My unborn son. Wife holding him. Me starring at his face for the first time. He has his mother's eyes. Reddish hair. And my mouth and chin. I reach out to hold him full of pride and happiness.