Xiertic

It goes without saying that I’ve slacked off lately. On this journal, for one thing. I’d also completely stopped even trying with the dreaming, for another. In fact the more I think about it and question it, the more I realize that my life in general was starting to fall back into the same old rut that it always does.

But yesterday, I started trying the reality checks again. Not as religiously as before. I had taken no B6. Hell, I wasn’t honestly even planning on writing down my dreams when I woke just out of pure laziness. Yet, somehow, after all this time away… And after my first day “back” being such a half-assed effort… I had a lucid dream.

Well, first I had a dream about being lucid. Like that first one, awhile back. And now I’m sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were just dreams and not actual lucidity. Because the lucid dream that followed was so different, so amazing, so absolutely unbelievable that there can be no doubt in my mind that the other two weren’t lucid.

And it left me so excited, so amazed, that I know there’s no going back now. I’ll take all this more serious than ever before. I read somewhere once that once you have your first one, everything changes and you’ll never want to return to not having them. That your dedication and drive will multiply after just the first experience… How very, very true that has turned out to be.

I remember nothing about the first dream, other than the fact that it was about me being lucid. I didn’t write it down when I woke up you see, because even after that I had no intention of writing/trying too hard.

I question if maybe me dreaming about it was me trying to become lucid, and then somehow failing, but my subconscious continues to build the dream as though I’d succeeded. Just a thought.

Anyway, on to the lucid dream…

I don’t remember exactly how this dream starts, or at what point I decided to reality check. Though I’m feeling that it was probably very soon into the dream. Because I was laying in bed, and I was very tired. My suspicion is that the rule of reality checking every time you wake up is what got me (which is funny because I barely ever remember to do that, which is something I now intend to remedy), because I think that in the dream I’d just woken up. It’s what all signs and images in my memory point to, anyway. I did the pinched nose reality check, and it was seemingly succeeded. Despite being a bit excited at this discovery, I was so tired that I convinced myself that it hadn’t really worked, and I almost went back to sleep. Then I checked something else though, despite the tired haze. My hands, I believe. I looked at my palms. I don’t remember how they looked like but I do remember that for a brief moment this strobe light type effect started to happen around me, and that was the point where I realized I was definitely dreaming. There was a whoosh, a pop, or something. I can’t explain it. But when that happened, everything became much more in focus.

I guess it’s the rush that I’ve read about. They say you get a surge as your senses and mind come alive in the dream, the moment you realize it’s a dream. Now I finally know what that feels like.

Anyway, I was still overwhelmingly tired. So much so that it felt like a huge weight was on me. But I knew I was lucid, and I wanted to get out of bed. I did so very, very slowly. Both for the sake of attempting to keep myself very calm, and also because the tiredness was getting to me. Once I was up though, the tiredness vanished instantly.

I walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. This house was, in many ways, like my actual home. The rooms were in a slightly different position. The living room especially was an almost mirrored version of mine, with two bedroom doors on the right wall (facing the front door) and a door opposite the front door leading into the kitchen area. There was a little bar/low ceiling thing int he kitchen area near the back wall, though it didn’t take up the entirely of the back side of the room. Just like 1/3 of it, or so. I remember locking the bedroom doors ‘cause I felt frightened like something might come out of them. Not sure why.

Now that I think about it, it was my brother’s bedroom that I was sleeping in at the start of the dream. I lived alone. Not sure what was in that other bedroom, ‘cause that room doesn’t exist in this house. I never went in.

Two things happened next, and I can’t remember which came first.

One of them is that I wanted it to storm. So I closed my eyes, commanded the dream to give me a roaring thunderstorm.. And it did. I could hear the thunder, see the lightning through the windows, hear the rain pounding down. It was so very wonderful.

The other was… Cats. I think there was already a cat in the living room when I entered, though I’m not positive. Either way, at some point I decided to add cats. I think it was my way of testing the water instead of just trying to add people straight away. I remember adding a lime green cat, an electric blue cat.. There were two others by the time I was done, making four total (counting the one that I think was there already.) Can’t remember if I closed my eyes and asked for them, or simply willed them into being.

With both of those things though, and the things that are yet to come, one thing I definitely noticed is that I didn’t always get what I wanted on the first try. If my belief that I could do it wavered at all, it wouldn’t work. And even if I believed I could make things happen but didn’t MEAN IT when I said what I wanted, it wouldn’t happen then either. I had to believe it and to mean it with all of me. It’s going to take some practice. Eventually though, I’d always get it. Some times on the first try, some times it would take two or three.

Another thing to note before I move forward is that I was never too much in control of my surroundings. I know I changed the weather (and will again soon), summoned the cats, and teleport once later in the dream.. But for the most part, I just let the dream world build itself around me. Then again, it’s worth mentioning that I couldn’t convince any of my dream characters that I was dreaming. Which in itself helps show that I wasn’t in complete control anyway. So of course the world was mostly building itself. Still, it was worth noting.

I went outside for some reason. I don’t recall why. The storm was no longer happening once I went outside, so I guess I lost control of it. Brian pulled up in the front yard in his truck. The front yard did not resemble my real one. A small lawn with one tree on it, and the road very close the porch. Brian wanted to hang out, and I talked him into getting out of his truck. I don’t recall how but I made him believe we were going to fly. I held him by the wrist, focused.. And up we went. Not very high, mind you. I never got more than maybe 20 or 30 feet off the ground. Not sure why. I’m wanting to think that going higher seemed hard for some reason. Brian, despite thinking that this wasn’t a dream, seemed to find this whole ordeal perfectly normal. I released his wrist at some point to see if I could keep him flying without me, and I could. So down the road we went, past street lights and trees, until we got into a town setting.

At an intersection, we came across a group of what I remember being strange-looking people. Jordan was among them though, and I stopped and said hello to him. I don’t recall much about our interaction, and I don’t remember where Brian wandered off to but he disappears around this time too. In fact this whole small block of the dream is very blurry in my memory. I recall flying low down an alley with lots of things hanging overhead, including several fire escapes.

Someone was joking around with me at one point about how I never walk, and that I’m always flying. So I land for a few seconds just to be like “see I can walk!” then I laugh, swear off walking, and go back to flying around again. I made it snow at some point during this, and I do remember that with a bit more clarity because it took me quite a few tries. That plus the blurred memory makes me wonder if the dream was trying to pull me back into it.

Whatever the case, things become clear again and I tell the dream that I would like to “return to home base”. After a try or two, I was back home with all my little multicolored cats. I decided that I wanted to try to summon someone that I wasn’t overly familiar with being around in person, as a bit of a test. So I closed my eyes and called out for Lilith to appear. At first I didn’t think it worked, but then I noticed her smiling at me from behind the bar thing in the kitchen. I started to talk to her, though she didn’t exactly look like her. Close, but a few things here and there were off. At some point during our interactions, a humanized Fluttershy appeared and started to hang out with us. Probably a red flag, since that’s a bit out there. Because soon after that, I felt the dream start to slip away from me. I realized it was happening, but my research on how to hold on slipped my mind, and very soon I lost control and woke up. I think I got too worried and worked up when I felt it starting to get away from me, hence the waking. I need to study more on how to hold on to it for next time.

Work On:
–Write down every dream the moment I wake from it. Every time.
–Dream check more at home. Make it a habit at all places, at all times of the day. Not just at work.

Current Dream Signs:
–Work
–Amy and Andy’s House (Perhaps Amy and Andy themselves as well? Unsure.)
–Yylvis, The Fox