The "I Can't Think of a Witty Name" Journal

[AbyssNess]

Because see, saying "I can't think of a witty name" is in itself witty. It's like a paradox or something. Anyway I used to go here a long time ago, but the death of a family member and steadily increasing amounts of school work caused me to stop lucid dreaming. Recently I got interested in the hobby and decided to take it up again. My dream recall came back quickly. I haven't had another lucid dream yet, but I'm sure that'll arrive eventually.

[AbyssNess]

2/17/2008 Dream 1 I was at school. The school was surrounded with mist and the sky was gray. A radio had announced that a gigantic, metalplated dragon, a flying orca, and a flying dolphin were in the clouds above the school. They could dive down and eat someone at any moment. The sanity of my class and our teachers was slowly deteriorating. My class was outside. Our math teacher was forcing us to draw pictures of dragons at gunpoint. There was no sign of anything in the sky above us, but I was still worried. Our history and science teachers arrived out of the mist. HT asked what MT was doing. She answered that we were drawing pictures of dragons to hang on the windows and appease the dragon. They began to argue. Apparently HT denied the dragon's existence. HT convinced MT to let us go inside. We waited there, looking out the windows. HT attempted to get an internet connection, but was unable to do so. He decided that the government was trying to trick him into leaving the building to run away, and that the dragon, orca, and dolphin did not exist. He barricaded the class in the bathrooms until the mist cleared. Dream 2 The entire class was at my house for some reason. We played video games that didn't exist. Dream 3 I found myself inside of a blue box. A disembodied voice told me that this was a time machine, and I could go to any time that I wanted. I asked the voice if I would ever have a kid, and it answered that I would. It showed me a video of a red-haired woman playing basketball. The voice told me that I would have a daughter, who would be a star basketball player until an accident forced her to retire. After the accident, she retreated to playing golf, which she was very bad at. I asked if anything else interesting would happen in the future. The box answered that everyone would have superpowers. My superpower would be telekinesis. My daughter would have no superpower, because after her accident she had no self-esteem, and self-esteem was vital for superpowers. I went to the future, hoping to restore her self-esteem. There I found her playing golf with a group of aristocrats. The aristocracy of the future were clones of famous figures from the past. I asked if I could try to play golf and my daughter allowed me to step in for her for a turn. The assembled aristocrats mocked me for my lack of skill at golf - I've never played golf before, and didn't even know how to hold the club. However, I guided the ball into the hole using my telekinesis superpower. At this the aristocrats turned violent. When I hit the ball again, a clone of Oscar Wilde used his power of super strength and accuracy hit the ball away in midair. I continued sending the ball towards the hole with telekinesis, and he continued knocking it away. Finally I made his golf club explode (?) and successfully sent the ball into the hole. Dream 4 I was flying across the ocean with a magical ostrich feather.

[AbyssNess]

2/18/2008 blarg terrible recall Dream 1 I was at school. It was nighttime. I needed to find a laptop hidden somewhere in the school that would help solve a crime. I enlisted the help of a friend and entered one of the buildings. I found the laptop sitting in the middle of the hallway and returned to the classroom. My friend didn't want to return the laptop to the teacher, saying that it exaggerated the crime and it would be better to summarize it on a piece of paper. I argued that it was the teacher who decided whether the crime was exaggerated or not. Nobody nearby noticed our debate until the teacher asked for the laptop. The entire class stood up simultaneously and helped me wrestle the laptop away from my friend. Dream 2 I was watching an M&M commercial about people swimming in tubs of M&Ms. Suddenly yellow M&Ms poured out of the TV and filled the room. I ate as many of them as I could before I woke up.

[AbyssNess]

2/19/2008 Dream 1 I was watching a movie set inside a large cave. A hero was fighting an evil overlord and a teleporting pixie. In the end, he got the pixie on his side and teleported her inside the overlord's lung, killing him. I turned away from the movie and found myself in my uncle's house in Texas. I walked into the kitchen and found my aunt and uncle there, as well as a classmate. I decided to trick them and went upstairs to their computer. There I made a 3d environment using Blender. Somehow I turned the environment into a virtual reality downstairs. This made a pair of pots that I could control. I told my classmate that the pots weren't real. He didn't believe me, so I picked up a pot and showed him it had no reflection in the mirror. I decided to make a pot explode and surprise everyone. Dream 2 A dream fragment where I was in a cave with twin cannibalistic fat Samoan priests. (?)

[The Cusp]

A hero was fighting an evil overlord and a teleporting pixie. In the end, he got the pixie on his side and teleported her inside the overlord's lung, killing him. Ouch, Pixie Lung! What a way to go!

[AbyssNess]

No recall for the previous few days, but that seems to have ended. Dream 1 I was a hero fighting a disembodied entity that arrived on Earth every 13 years and turned 13 people into monsters. I had already defeated 11 monsters, which became humans again afterwards. I was wondering what the 12th would be. Suddenly the entity, which resembled a sort of yellowish distortion in the air, appeared in my house and possessed my little sister. The entity challenged me to a duel in my backyard and exited my house. I sharpened my sword, which was long, curved, and somewhat resembled a katana. Then I exited the house. The entity had transformed my backyard into an immense stone bridge over a canyon. A river flowed far down at the bottom. My sister was waiting in the middle of the bridge. She had transformed into a giant green thing that resembled a frog with black spots. Instead of eyes, it had giant white spots that it used to sense movement. It had no lips, and had giant, square white teeth. It had two long horns Its skin was made of ceramic. The frog thing charged towards me, moving surprisingly fast despite its size. I dodged out of the way and grabbed onto one of its horns, swinging myself onto its back. It swung me back and forth in an attempt to shake me off. I stabbed it three times and started to crack its ceramic skin. The entity realized that I was winning and decided that if I was going to win it might as well kill my sister too. The bridge under the two of us began to crumble. I ran back to my house and managed to leave the bridge, but the giant frog fell into the rapids far below. Presumably it and my sister died. I swore revenge on the entity and returned to the house to wait for the 13th monster. Dream 2 AAARGH this was a really long and epic dream, but like an idiot I forgot to write it down in the morning. Now I only remember the beginning and part of the end. It was a surprisingly structured dream and played out like a fantasy novel, although it had a few surreal bits. I was a laborer working for the Dark Lord, a warlord who had conquered the land I lived on. I helped construct the steam automatons that the Dark Lord used as the elite force of his army. My friend, another young laborer, constructed them with me. The dream began with one of the Dark Lord's soldiers taking us to a tower to be executed. The two of us had started to develop magical powers. The Dark Lord had previously been the only one in the world with magical powers, and had used them to conquer the country. The Dark Lord wanted to kill us both before our magical powers developed enough to overthrow him. We were hustled up a long spiral staircase. At the room at the top of the tower was the Dark Lord, a figure in black armor and red warpaint. His eyes and nose were covered by a black helmet with horns. His armor appeared to be some sort of steam-powered exoskeleton that gave him superhuman strength. A sort of firing squad with crossbows lined up to shoot us both. My friend suddenly cut through the ropes binding us and we ran for the window. My friend was killed with a crossbow bolt before we could reach it. I had no time to mourn and blew out the window with a blue lattice of lasers. I dived out through the window and began to fall towards the ground far below. I grabbed onto the wall of the tower, which was made of cheap beige plastic that imitated wood. The plastic peeled off as I grabbed it, but I was able to slow my fall and climb the rest of the way down. I took off into the nearby woods. The ground was covered with fallen leaves, so I was making a lot of noise. A troop of the Dark Lord's soldiers was running after me. They had a bipedal, catlike steam automaton with them that was tearing away trees to let them catch up to me. I spotted a mill ahead and went in. The miller knew who I was and let me hide in the fireplace. The soldiers burst in and demanded to know if I was here. The miller told me I had continued onwards. In the fireplace I was not even slightly concealed, and the soldiers should have seen me, but didn't. After that I don't remember much. I incited the elite steam automatons, who turned out to be sentient, to rebel. I assembled an army of laborers and steam automatons. The Dark Lord had relied on laborers to build his automatons and could not make any himself. He was left with only his human soldiers. The last bit I remember: I was standing on a gigantic bipedal steam automaton, wearing a red cape, with my army behind me. The Dark Lord and his army were opposite to us. The two armies charged towards each other across a vast sand plain. I swore revenge for my dead friend and guided the automaton towards the Dark Lord.

[AbyssNess]

Dream 1 I finally had another lucid dream! It was brief, but at least I got to do some interesting things. I was in a huge complex made of metal and concrete, belonging to a famous scientist. The scientist was giving me a tour. I saw a giant panda in a cage and, confused, did a reality check. I became lucid! The scientist noticed the reality check. “You have the power of (unintelligible name)!” He gave a small green-tinted glass box with green designs painted on each side. He told me that it was the Cube of (unintelligible name) and it would grant me greater power over the dream world. The scientist then introduced me to his children, who were about my age. He told us to go outside to his artificial park so that I could test out the cube. We went outside. The park had bright green grass and trees, and a swingset near the edge. It was on a cement ledge protruding from the complex, which looked like a pyramid. There were no walls or railings at the edges. If I went on the swingset and fell off, I would fall off the pyramid. I decided to do something I’d always wanted to do, which was to make it rain and then make the rain hang in midair. I pointed the cube at the sky and dark clouds formed. It started to rain. I spun the cube in a circle, and it left a trail of distortions in the air. The rain stopped in midair. However, because of the darkness from the clouds, I couldn’t see where the droplets were, and there were very few of them. I tried walking through the rain, but only felt a few droplets. I tried again, this time with a stronger downpour, but wasn’t able to stop the droplets in midair. The scientist’s son suggested I tried it with snow, which came from grey clouds and was lighter than rain. I tried this. The sky darkened so that I could barely see anything, and lightning struck in the distance. There was no snow. I yelled angrily at the sky, but the son told me to wait a moment. Then the sky cleared up to a sort of grayish color and snow began to fall. I forgot my goal of making it stop in midair. Instead, I flew into the air and dived through the snow, using the cube to make it swirl in different patterns. Then suddenly the dream “changed scenes”, like a movie, and I lost lucidity. I was the scientist’s daughter and was in a restaurant talking to these two goth women. They were part of a cult that had turned the goth subculture into a religion. I noticed that the seats in the restaurants had holes in them, and through the holes I could see a room filled with spikes. I did a reality check and became lucid, which separated me from the daughter and turned me into a disembodied entity. I watched them talk for a while and then flew down into the room with spikes. A man came in to clean it. I realized that this room was where the restaurant’s toilets led to, and the spikes were made of antimatter that destroyed the... um... stuff that came out of the toilets. This was part of the goth women’s plan, and they were harvesting the energy that the antimatter produced when it collided with matter. The dream “changed scenes” again, and I lost my lucidity for good. I was reporting to the scientist that his daughter was planning on joining the cult, and that the women were harvesting the energy from the toilets. The scientist was worried at this, because the women from the cult were his enemies. The daughter returned home and had apparently joined the cult. She refused to speak to anyone and instead barricaded herself in her room. The scientist’s elderly aunt, who had some sort of magical power, arrived with a suitcase. She told me that the daughter had “fallen among bad company” and that it was time to call the Ghostbusters. The aunt pulled a green whistle out of her pocket and blew on it. The Ghostbusters crashed in through a window. They were wearing bunny suits to hide their identity. One of them was a white bunny suit, and another one was tartan. The white one kicked down the daughter’s door. The daughter was sitting at her laptop, and using it to channel the cult’s power. Tentacles made of playing cards were reaching out of the laptop, covering the walls. The tartan Ghostbuster pulled out what looked like a high-tech vacuum cleaner and began to vacuum the room. The playing cards were sucked in first. Then the daughter began to blur and she split into two copies; a normal copy and a copy wearing goth makeup. The goth copy was sucked into the vacuum cleaner. We all thanked the Ghostbusters and they flew out through the window. Then I woke up.

[AbyssNess]

I really need to start updating every day. Had lots of dreams last night though. Dream 1 This was one of those dreams that are so surreal you never think of doing a reality check. I was floating under the Antarctic ice with a man and a woman. The water was clear and peaceful, and we could all breath. I couldn't see the bottom, but although I have a fear of deep water, I had no fear here. I could see a giant, silver eel swimming far below. It was big enough to eat the three of us in one swallow, but I knew that it wouldn't harm us. The man, who evidently was as happy as I was, began to sing Daisy Mae. Underwater, it sounded like whalesong. As he did so, glowing white lines came out of his mouth and he was propelled away from us. I realized that in this magic water, singing was a method of propulsion. I started singing and headed slowly through the water. The woman followed me swimming normally. She broke off a bit of the ice and tasted it. She told me that the ice was not frozen water, but frozen ambrosia, the food of the gods. I tried some. It tasted of milk and honey. We began to eat lots of the ice, and as we did so it melted. The liquid ambrosia filled the water, and I started to choke. I could breath the water, but not the ambrosia. Suddenly I had a false awakening in the hallway of my house. The woman was standing above me with a worried look. I asked her where the man was and she said that he had started singing Daisy Mae and hurled himself out of the window. I realized in horror that I had caused him to share my dream and he had sleepwalked out of the window. Dream 2 I was in my house at night when something made me do a reality check. I became lucid. I flew out through a window and onto the road. I was doing the swimming-in-the-air technique of flying, but I kept sinking to the ground. I tried different ways of flying, but they all made me sink. Eventually I just ran up the road on my hands. Dream 3 This was probably the best dream I have ever had, even though it was nonlucid. It was amazingly long and I still remember it perfectly. I was a cop. I was visiting a sheriff who was taking care of a psychopathic killer and making sure he didn't escape. I was walking outside at night when I saw a man following me. I ducked into an alley and waited there. The man followed me into the alley, and I started to run. The only way out of the alley was a chain-link fence. I vaulted over it and glanced back. I could now clearly see the man pursuing me. He was tall, had a long face, and gray hair and stubble. I realized that he was the psychopathic killer, and somehow he had escaped and was pursuing me. He began to cut through the fence with a giant machete. I ran faster, only glancing back occasionally. I headed out into the main street. I could see the sheriff's office next to me. I broke through the window and looked around. The first floor was empty except for a desk with a computer on it. The sheriff was nowhere in sight. There were some stairs leading upstairs, but I didn't take them, fearing that they would leave me trapped upstairs with no escape route. I broke down the door of a supply closet. Inside was a stack of papers and a large rifle. I grabbed it and exited the office, only to find the killer waiting outside. He swung at me with the machete, but I blocked it with the rifle, causing a shower of sparks. I tried to shoot him, but the rifle didn't work, so I tossed it aside and pulled out my pistol. I shot three times, and somehow each time he blocked the bullets with his machete. Finally, I jumped towards him feetfirst and knocked him down. Then I shot him three more times in the head. I looked up at the sheriff's office and saw the sheriff looking down at me. I wanted to confront him about not helping me, so I headed into the office. As I was walking upstairs, I heard him saying into a walkie talkie: "He is unharmed and has eliminated the killer. Send reinforcements now." I realized that the sheriff had released the killer on purpose and I ran at full speed out of the sheriff's office. I saw a road heading into a canyon and ran in that direction. I was soon joined by three other people. I assumed that the killer had also tried to kill them and did not question them. We arrived at the canyon. The canyon had extremely high walls made of pale red rock. The dust under our feet was also red. We paused at a crossroads in the canyon. A little girl was standing there. She asked us to follow her along the right fork, and my comrades did so. I was scared that she might be a ghost and took the left fork. It led into a more wide-open part of the canyon, with gigantic dinosaur bones lying everywhere. The sun began to rise. I headed on and eventually emerged from the canyon. Three men, including the sheriff, were waiting for me. They pulled their guns on me. I decided to take a chance, since they were going to kill me anyway. I knocked the sheriff's gun away from him and threw him into the canyon, where he fell to his death. The other two men began shooting, but the bullets were melted in midair by a bubble of fire that rose around me. The bullets landed on the ground and turned solid again. I realized that somehow, I could use pyrokinesis with my right hand. I raised my right hand and a whip made of fire came out of it. A sort of inhuman rage came over me at the same time. I swung the whip at the men and they dropped their guns and ran. I saw a helicopter flying towards me, and knew it was bringing reinforcements. Although I still had the aforementioned inhuman rage, common sense took over and I ran. I swung the whip at some nearby bushes and cut a path through them, hoping that they wouldn't figure out where I went. But in only a minute or two I heard the thud of boots pursuing me. I hid in the bushes and waited for them to pass. Then I jumped out and attacked them from behind with the fire whip, mowing down as many as I could. The others retreated through the underbrush. More helicopters were arriving, bringing more reinforcements. They began to shoot at me, but the flaming shield melted the shots. I shot fire out of my hand, like a flamethrower. I ignited some of the dry bushes and the fire quickly spread. Soon I was surrounded by flames on all sides. I started to laugh maniacally. The helicopters flew in the air above me and opened fire with machine guns. I threw my fire whip at one and it wrapped around it, melting the rotors and sending it crashing into the sea of fire. It exploded dramatically and a shockwave of hot air blew out of it. I tossed my fire whip at another one. This time it wrapped around it, but did not damage it. The whip pulled me up to the helicopter like a grappling hook. I melted the door with my hand and got inside the cockpit. The shocked pilot pulled out a handgun, but I threw him out of the helicopter and into the fire below. The other helicopters still didn't know that I had commandeered this helicopter. I opened fire on them and brought down two of them. Then the rest of them realized what had happened and converged upon my helicopter. All of the helicopters simultaneously opened fire on my helicopter. The bullets were slowed by the distance and the walls of the helicopter, and my fire shield melted them. Before the helicopter hit the ground, I grabbed a parachute backpack in one hand and jumped out. I didn't have enough time to put it on. I pulled the string on the backpack. When the parachute opened, it almost pulled my arm off. I landed outside of the sea of fire and collapsed onto the ground. A small army of soldiers clad in gas masks and camouflage converged on me. To my surprise, they didn't shoot me. One knelt down and punched me in the face, rendering me unconscious. I woke up on a bed in the center of a cathedral. The cathedral was white and had a high ceiling and stained glass windows. Rows of dark wooden pews were on either side of me. The cathedral was empty except for a man at a white marble altar, at the head of the room. Upon seeing me awake, he walked next to my bed. He was short and slightly fat. He had pale skin, gray hair and beard, and round glasses. I asked him why I was here. "We are a cult," he said. "We believe those with superpowers are angels who will cause the purification of the world. But when people with superpowers are left on their own, their superpowers overpower them and lead them to kill. So we take them here and protect them from themselves until the Last Day comes." I replied that my powers had never become active until his soldiers had tried to kill me. He said that first my powers had to be activated by extreme stress, otherwise I would not be able to purify the world. I headed out of the cathedral and entered a large central room. The cult lived in a gigantic mansion, and the cathedral was only the center of the mansion. Many other people were walking around there. Soldiers in gas masks stood guarding the front door and some other doors around the edges of the cathedral. One of the security guards headed off on a lunch break. Before someone else arrived to replace him, I headed in through the door he was guarding. Inside was a dimly lit hallway made of red velvet. I heard voices farther along the hallway. I peered around a corner and saw a small pool room. The fat cult leader I had seen earlier was executing someone on the pool table. I realized that the whole thing about awakening powers was a lie. The cult wanted to take the people with superpowers strong enough to resist being killed, study their behavior to find out what caused their powers, and kill them. As I realized this the inhuman rage came over me again. I exited the hallway and ran towards the guards blocking the front door. They raised submachine guns at me and began to fire, but the bullets were melted by the shield. I created my fire whip and cut them down. Then I clenched my fist and condensed the fire into a sort of blob filled with fire. I stuck the blob on the wall, then stepped back. It exploded in a showered of molten lava, and burned down the door. Outside was an endless grassy field. The other people in the mansion ran the door with me. The soldiers pursued behind, opening fire on us. More soldiers came from the other side of the field, surrounding us. A fight with the soldiers commenced. They had the advantage of numbers, but we all had strong superpowers. The soldiers opened fire on us. I melted the bullets with my shield and punched the ground. A flood of molten lava emerged from the ground and killed a group of soldiers. About a dozen soldiers focused on me. As the lava cooled, I drew more of it out of the ground. It turned to rock almost instantly. I jumped onto the rock and jumped from lava spire to lava spire, landing on each as it cooled. I made a staircase of lava until I was high above the soldiers, and tossed fireballs down at them. One of them threw a grenade at my spire and it exploded. I was thrown off the spire and fell towards the ground, but was caught by a man who was levitating in the air. I thanked him and he landed me safely. A girl near me was drawing up water from underground that formed into tentacles and attacked soldiers. Another guy was summoning lightning that struck the soldiers. We broke through their defensive circle and ran farther away. More soldiers, these with superpowers, ran after us. They were superpowered people who had surrendered to the cult and joined them. One of my friends from real life ran up next to me. He said, "Join the cult! Embrace peace." I grabbed his face and burned it with my hand, then stared at my hand, horrified at what I had done. Half of his face was covered in scabs. "Ow, that really hurt!" he said. "You know what? You're a bully." (this is kind of an inside joke). He seemed unhurt so I grabbed the other half of his face and burned it too. Then I ran onwards. I soon outran the soldiers and arrived at the canyon filled with dinosaur bones where everything had began. Then a white car drove up, and the cult leader got out of it. "You should have joined us," he said regretfully. Then he pointed down into the canyon. The dinosaur bones joined together and turned into an impossibly large skeleton dinosaur with horns. It was at least 100 feet tall. Apparently he had the power of necromancy. It jumped onto the bridge of rock that we were standing on and roared at me. I jumped onto its foot and began to climb up it. It tried to shake me off, but I held on, although I was tossed in the air like a rag doll. It reached down to try and crush me with its claws. I jumped from its leg onto its hand. As it tried to crush me, I created one of the exploding jelly things and jumped higher up its arm. The jelly thing exploded, destroying its hand. Fragments of bone flew at me, but were destroyed by my fire shield. It swung its arm up into the air, which gave me the chance to jump onto its shoulder and then onto the back of its neck. I climbed onto the top of its head. I raised my hands above my head and fire came down from the clouds and coalesced in my hands, transforming into a giant sword made of fire. I stabbed the top of the dinosaur's head with the sword. Then it exploded. Its different bones all flew in different directions. The head, with me still standing on it, landed on the stone bridge. I walked towards the terrified cult leader, and tossed him into the canyon. He fell to his death. Then I woke up.