another dream sex question

I know there are tons of them already, but I couldn't find an answer to mine, so here's my question:

I have tried dream sex too, and every time I do, I can always manage to make the person appear, but then it becomes more of a fantasy than reality. I am still lucid dreaming but it's almost like I'm dreaming that I'm fantasizing about sex, like the person I'm with isn't really there, which obviously isn't satisfying or what I want at all. Something I've thought about is that, just like in real life, because I'm the one controlling whether he's there or not, he isn't really there. It's like I'd have to wait for him to appear on his own, by his "choice" or it isn't the same. Any tips?

I understood the first half of that paragraph so I''ll just work on that.

I get what you're saying in that you have to create your own pleasure regarding the sex / partner. Where as in real life you would be stimulated BY the sex / partner. This has happened to me lots of times trying to induce lucid sex, and it always appears to be waste of time on my part, as the stability of the sex / person was very unstable and I had to take my time "stabilizing it" instead of enjoying it. Like "dreaming that I'm fantasizing about sex." Not very rewarding at all.

However, there has been one experience in which i conjured up a person (using the door method) who I reluctantly had feelings for and couldn't stop thinking about in RL. (Do note this was an attempt to use her "avatar" to ask my subconscious why i had feelings for her, not for sex) After she answered a question i had asked her she surprised me and leaped over and kissed me without any planning on my part in my dream.

That was the only time in which that sort of reaction happened. All other cases i treated the women "avatars" as inanimate objects for my own pleasure, which made the experience fail. I forgot that you had to relinquish some of the control, and treat them as if it were real life. Even though I know its only a dream and they're not real, they can still say no, have intelligence, react spontaneous, and resist your advances in your own dream.

So dream characters in your subconscious aren't real, they can still be real if you treat them what they are: Your own subconscious representation of them in real life. If you think of it that way, they are separate people, they do have a soul, and they are the real people as they were in real life.

and I hope I didn't mess up and totally skew the answer from the question.

Edit: i thanked you because this question made me think a lot.