Obtaining control when Dream turns Nightmare

I would like to learn how to control my dreams because it seems like i have more nightmares than good dreams. They usualy have the same theme, me losing my boyfriend to another girl, whether it be a random girl who i dont know, or his ex. i really dont know why they are like that, we are not fighting, and things are going great for both of us, but becuase these dreams i wake up crying, and depressed and it ruins my day. my question is how can i learn to change these types of dreams while they are happening, i have lucid dreams every now and then, however when it these nightmares i never can get it to happen, can you help me?

So is it a recurring dream, or are they just similar?

Either way, I'd say it's actually a prime chance to have a DILD. If you could train yourself (possibly through autosuggestion/MILD) to RC whenever that "theme" pops up, wham, instant LD.

Then, do whatever you choose to alleviate the nightmare situation. You could fix it in the dream/get revenge on the girl, like turning her into glass and shattering her (I always wanted to try that), strike her with lightning, toss a fireball at her, etc. That, or wake yourself up if you want.

Over all, though, remember it's just a dream. If there aren't any real life problems, it's probably just you being overly worried, or your subconscious screwing with you.

I've had dreams that trigger a similar reaction when I wake up. Once I was dreaming that absolutely no one liked me and I started to cry, I woke up crying and it took a minute for me to realize, "Wait, that was a dream." Another time, I was upset with my brother for "stealing my parakeet" and was mad at him for the rest of the day.

I think that in dreams that cause such an emotional reaction it could be hard to realize that you're dreaming, or it could not. I'm not sure, but I would just advise you to relax and just keep reminding yourself that that's not real. Also, I'd tell your boyfriend. He'll know that they're just dreams, but it could help alleviate some of the stress from your mind.

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Originally Posted by TaNK

So is it a recurring dream, or are they just similar?

Either way, I'd say it's actually a prime chance to have a DILD. If you could train yourself (possibly through autosuggestion/MILD) to RC whenever that "theme" pops up, wham, instant LD.

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they are not recurring, but very similar all the time, can you tell me more about "autosuggestion/MILD"

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Originally Posted by TaNK

So is it a recurring dream, or are they just similar?

Either way, I'd say it's actually a prime chance to have a DILD. If you could train yourself (possibly through autosuggestion/MILD) to RC whenever that "theme" pops up, wham, instant LD.

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I absolutely agree. Good thing for Dream Recall, you don't have to keep a journal.

And for the most part, what I believe, is that since while dreaming, all dream reality seems, very 'reality like' and hard to distinguish from the real word reality.

Therefore emotional things that happen in your dream, can definitely change your emotional state upon waking.

Think about it really, aren't you happy when you wake up having had a very good dream? Or still a bit frightened when having had a terrifying nightmare?

Well, all I can say is keep yourself together.
And don't forget that a dream doesn't always show real life problems.

If another one of those dream themes come up again, upon waking up, remind yourself about the good things of your relationship, and remember, its just a dream.

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Originally Posted by CrazyCat11

they are not recurring, but very similar all the time, can you tell me more about "autosuggestion/MILD"

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The basic idea of MILD is that you repeat a phrase to yourself before or as you fall asleep, so as to ingrain it into your subconscious. For example, "When I see ___, I will do a reality check." LaBerge liked the phrase "When I'm dreaming, I'll realize I'm dreaming", but that never made much sense to me.

But I'm no expert on it. Look around for threads on Autosuggestion and stuff, there are some good ones.

The more I think about it, VILD would probably work too. That might actually be better: look for threads on that too. For VILD, visualize one of these situations, but include something that will trigger a reality check. For example, a large sign that says "REALITY CHECK!" in big letters. If it goes right, you'll have that dream, see the sign, get lucid, and...well, the rest is up to you.

I have the exact same thing about nightmares. I've had more nightmares then dreams and it really affected me badly. As a child i had them a lot and when i did have that good dream i felt like i was on top of the moon. The nightmares basicly controled me and i couldn't get to sleep when i had a nightmare and a few days after it.
Now i do have nightmares but they bring me to lucidity straight away and you know what you just have to stay firm. When i mean firm i mean it because the only way your going to tackle the nightmare is to know its not true and that its you who is scareing yourself.
Trust me, just by knowing your in a nightmare helps a lot. It may take time to tackle the nightmares but you just have to show who is boss.
When i start using my lucid powers on them it helped but i still felt pain and i woke up. Eventurly you will be able to defeat them but with all things, things take time. It might be you can defeat them more easily because my nightmares were invisable monster which hunt you down from the ends of the earth and thats scary. Your nightmare seems more less scary then a monster chasing you.
Just stand firm and just shout, but be calm, and say the things you want to get rid of the nightmare. I've done this before a few days ago when some mad man was chasing me. I Just turned around and just said "Stop, i control you, just go away", it didn't work the first time but say it again because a nightmare juts needs to know who is boss. In the end i had to say "Go away or i'll send my secret agent to kill you". He ran away after that and suprisingly enough one of my friends was dressed up as a secret agent and stood next to me acting all secret agent like. So in the end i got to control that nightmare and have a secret agent in my dreams. Now thats what i call a Dream guide.
SO stay firm, show whos boss and if needed be get a secret agent aginst your nightmare.