I don't even know what's going on

For the past year or so I've had this problem. Non lucid control.. I know that I am dreaming...and here is an example:

I'm in some terrible situation. I have to dismantle a bomb or something before 3 minutes is up. Maybe someone is pointing a gun at my head about to kill me and I'm freaking out. I say to them "dude, I am dreaming dont even try" and I turn their gun into a banana, or I blast them away with magical powers. But then I go back to dismantling the bomb. I don't need to! I could be doing anything but I go back to whatever stupid random thing I was dreaming about. I could be having a crazy flying dream or a sex dream (i have amazing control by now...I just only seem to use it in the scenario).

And my control is really good now because in the dream I actually say "Okay, I can do anything because I'm dreaming!" BUT THEN I NEVER CHOOSE TO DO ANYTHING COOL OTHER THEN COMPLETELY HUMILIATE ALL THE BAD GUYS IN MY DREAMS.

Hehe, I seem to have the same problem as you do on occasion. Although most of my lucid dreams begin in my room, some of them come out of the blue in a different dreamscene, in which a dream plot is taking place. Many of my dreams involve some sort of problem, like yours, and I often find it strange or somewhat difficult to walk away from it so suddenly. My recommendation would be to simply spin and imagine a new dreamscene of your liking whilst not allowing what happened pre-lucidity to adversely affect your newfound lucidity. Of course, you could follow along with the plot if you are interested enough.

Make a list of things that you want to do in a lucid dream before bed. You're experiencing "faulty logic" your dream self is an idiot, a good chunk of your brain is switched off.