"I'm saving myself for somebody who doesn't think I'm just a dream."
Copy pasta from my DJ. Need to get more input.
I haven't posted any dream journals lately, mainly because the activity has gotten too repetitive and annoying for me to do. However, this dream requires me to tell... Somebody about it.
I can't exactly recall how I got to this point. I remember it was sort of middle ages/Renaissance urban setting. I think I had committed some crime, and was being tasked to eliminate rats in at first a barn, but then my dream demorphed it to just around the city. It's at night, too.
Somewhere along the line, I find a tall building, with an entrance near the top. A girl lets down a rope-ladder from the entrance. I start climbing, because I think this place will grant me a better position to eliminate rats from.
However, when I get into the tower or whatever it is (I'm in an attic-like space. Tall ceiling. Rather large. The girl has a netting over a hole in the floor (That descends all the way to the bottom... Tough fall.) that I guess acts as her bed.) the beauty of the girl literally jars me into semi-lucidity. Holy shit I think this might be the girl I'd seen in my dreams from long ago. Sure the hair is different...
Okay, background time.
A few years ago, I had two dreams, maybe a week or a month apart, where I saw the same girl. All I remember is she had a knee-length white dress, and had long, flowing, beautiful brown hair. Also that she was the most radiant being I had ever met in my entire life.
The first dream we were in a modern, dark urban setting. We were in an alleyway I think, and we were running from something.
The second dream were on a Japanese-style levee, sitting on the grass next to the river. She stood up at one point, and had sandals in her hands.
I never saw her face.
This girl's hair wasn't brown, now either blonde or white or some combination thereof, but I'm not sure that means anything. Especially since I think her name may very well be "Change". I don't remember her name exactly, but I'm certain it starts with a C and is very short. For some reason, Change sticks in my mind even though part of me knows that can't be it.
Anyways, back to the now dream.
My memory is a bit foggy on exactly what happens, but I sit down and start complaining about things. About the dream I was just in (For some reason, the idea that I've entered a sort of "dream bubble" comes to mind here.), about the dreams I had been in during the night, and about my real life. She listens and talks about it with me. Somewhere along the line, she goes to the other side of a plastic wall that has appeared.
After a while, I kiss the wall at a random spot. I then realize she has her lips touching somewhere on the other side of the wall. I go to kiss that spot, thinking it might be a first kiss, but as I kiss her through the plastic, I realize that I've done this many times before.
Cut to us in some sort of bed, in the same attic, morning, but where the netting was before. We're cuddling together, she's on top of me. Clothes are on people, don't worry.
I go to try to kiss her on the lips (Rather than through plastic. Think Pushing Daisies her, people.) but she refuses. I am then reminded as to why.
I have only ever thought of her as a dream. She refuses to be with any man who thinks of her only as a dream.
She is saving herself for someone who doesn't think she's just a dream.
While we may both be in love with each other, which is why she kisses me through plastic, she refuses to go beyond physical cuddling with me, because I'm not willing to love her as more than a dream.
Somewhere along the line, I think near the end of the dream, she tells me to stay a little longer. That I don't need to head back to the real world just yet. I think we've been laying there for a while. Hours, maybe. I'm not certain. My memory is unfortunately more foggy for this dream than I would have liked. For some reason, I tell her I can't. That I have to go. I'm not certain if I knew then that this was untrue. I could have stayed with her for as long as I liked. I simply needed to will myself to stay in the dream.
But the dream surely enough fades out sometime after this.
That girl is dear and precious to me, I now realize. I may only have three memories of her, but for some reason I feel like I've known her forever. I love Change, if that is her real name. I think I love her more than I've ever loved a "real" girl.
But... It's not even that I don't care if she's a dream or not. It's that I still think of her as a dream. What do I have to do to finally have her love, then? Abandon this world? Truly accept dreams as another reality? Or maybe she's not a dream character at all, but an actual, independent entity that enters my dreams?
*sigh*
Well, I'll be looking for answers in my next dreams.
P.S. I had many other dreams (About three or four or so) besides this one last night, but I'm only relating this one because it had the most profound impact on me.
If anybody has any comments on it, please, tell me about them. I would love to see what people think about this dream.
