First Kissing Dream

I dream often, and when I remember details about my dreams, they often serve to clarify my feelings about certain situations.

Last night though, I had my first kissing dream. I've never been kissed in real life either. ;) But this wasn't quite what I was expecting from a "kissing dream." In fact, after I remembered it this morning, it was sort of a letdown.

The first part of the dream that I can remember was me, my best friend, and the boy that I've recently started crushing on, getting into bed. All of us in the same room, but in separate beds. Actually, my best friend's face was covered by the comforter on her bed, which, I believe was blue... though I don't think it's very significant. I don't believe that any of us said anything, or if we did, it was nothing that I remember. I fell asleep in the dream, and woke up to feeling someone else's lips against my own. I remember being confused at first, and then realizing that it was my crush trying to kiss me. I then realized that I wasn't doing anything and probably should if I wanted him to stay, so, I tried to "kiss him back," but a moment after I did so he pulled away. I didn't feel... "tingly," or nervous, as I normally do after being close to someone that I like in my waking life. I wasn't even sad that he'd left after I started "making an effort." I just felt, happy, I guess, that he'd tried, and a lot more confident about the state of our "relationship," though I we weren't dating in the dream, and we certainly aren't in real life.

It gets a bit fuzzy after this. I walk outside whatever building we're in. It feels like maybe somewhere in the country, a hotel or something. I believe I tried to steal a traffic cone (something I'll confess that a relative and I did recently...), and was sneaking around. I got caught, and pretended to be doing something helpful instead, and the man who saw me thanked me. (I did a report recently on the musical, A Little Night Music, which may be where I took the scenery from.) There were other people around (I may have actually spoken to my mother out here), but they didn't say much. I then went back inside the hotel, and saw a lady at the front desk and some other people. After this I returned to the room where my friend, my crush and I were staying. He was awake, and we acknowledged what had happened, though I don't remember any specific words about it. I do remember him saying, I believe to end the conversation, "But 'Eric' still likes you." And I knew in the dream that this was going to keep us from being together. Something I then reconsidered. I think I felt a little upset at first over the situation, and then, happy that I had a choice to make between the two of them. (Though I wish I could say I wouldn't feel like this in real life, my dreams tend to be brutally honest about whatever feelings I ignore, bury, or rationalize in real life. However, hopefully, this situation won't actually arise...)

'Eric' attends the same college that I do. I'm a straight girl, and to be honest, I've thought he might be gay... but I'm a terrible guesser, and I don't want to ask, so I don't know. He does check up on me often though, and we're becoming relatively close.

In waking life, about a week ago, plans that I had made with Eric fell through, and I mentioned as much to my best friend and crush (we were together at the time). Up to this point, my crush didn't know that my plans were with Eric, and when I said so, he smiled and said, "Oh! But he's gay." Something that may have paralleled the "Eric still likes you" line...

As you can see, I understand where several of these elements came from. The situation we were in probably came from the musical I had to write about, and traffic cone part was something I'd done in real life recently. Also, for the sake of interpretation, I should mention that my 19th birthday is coming up and, the fact that I'll be "19 and never been kissed" soon is bothering me a little more than usual. However, what I'm rather confused about is the kissing 'scene.' It felt so real during my dream, though as I said, I've never been kissed so I don't have much to base this on. And honestly, I don't know that my "crush" is mutual. Also... like I said... 'Eric' is probably not interested either, so this "competition" part is a little odd. What bothers me most about this though, is that this kiss started while I was sleeping. I wasn't expecting it, I never had a chance to feel the "anticipation" that I imagine would accompany a moment like this, and I didn't even know what was happening until it was too late. And, like I said, after I woke up, I realized that what I was feeling is... not how I hope my first kiss feels in real life. I'd imagine that dreaming about my first kiss would be a little more pleasant than it was.

Anyway, I know that this is really long, but, if anyone could help explain this 'kissing' scene to me (and/or what was going on with this "competition" between 'Eric' and my crush), I'd really appreciate it. :\ Thanks.