warning: very violent nightmare, seeking interpretation.

This is long, and incredibly upsetting, so please don't read unless you're in a strong frame of mind at the moment

I can’t remember exactly how it started, but we were pranking somebody via text, and everything got completely out of control somehow, and I remember hiding in his house, absolutely terrified but he found me and he had a hammer and threatened to kill me with it. His name was Dylan but it wasn’t any Dylan that I know, and he was mildly attractive (I consider this important because I know two men named Dylan who I have had crushes on in the past).

He managed to shatter (or possibly just fracture) one of my kneecaps with the hammer, saying the whole time “was it like this? Did he do it like this?” (I have no idea why he was asking me these questions and they confused me).

The next thing I remember is being at a building similar to my primary school, Dylan had me, covered in blood and crying, wearing pants and a bra. He had a knife in his hand, a gun at his side, and an accomplice with another gun standing guard who I could hardly see most of the time. Most of my friends were there and there was so much shouting that I couldn’t really tell who was where or what was being said. He cut my arms many times, just shallow cuts. He stabbed me in the gut twice, but not in any fatal sort of way.

I remember one friend managing to get the knife off him at some point, and another ran in and was shot in the shoulder. The first friend took him back down to the building. Dylan had what I can only think of as an orbital sander, and this he slowly used to make a groove in my left arm, taking off a lot of skin. He kept biting my neck too and saying things like “You like this don’t you? This is what gets you hot isn’t it?” All I can ever remember saying is please theough my tears.

At one point there was a lot of shooting and I managed to stumble down to my friends, but Dylan was saying he would kill every single one of them in front of me if I didn’t come back to him, so I went back to him, telling my pleading friends that everything would be okay. I never stopped crying during the whole thing.

I’ve never had a dream so vivid and I don’t ever remember feeling real, physical pain so intensely in a dream before. The first friend who managed to get the knife of him was one of my best friends who I’ve known for about 6 years. He’s older than me, and has a lot of logical tactical sense and I really look up to and admire him. The friend who was shot is also one of my best friends who I hang out with very often and think of as a brother.

I’m 20 years old, suffer from depression (which is now un-medicated because I cannot stand being on anti-depressants and I feel strong enough to deal with my down periods on my own with the support of my friends and family.) I also have a hunch that I might have depersonalization disorder, but have never discussed this with a medical professional. I work in a hardware store, which is probably why I think he was using something similar to a sander on my arm.

I do enjoy a little bit of dominance as far as relationships go, and I’ve been out of a very unfulfilling 18 month long relationship for about 2 months, however I am still very much in love with my ex boyfriend, I just couldn’t handle the pain of how much he neglected me.

I’ve been prone to self-injury in the past, though that’s well behind me apart from the fact that I occasionally binge drink and smoke like a chimney.
Anyone who can read through this atrocity I’d much appreciate any kind of interpretation, as it really shook me up badly and I can’t let it go.

-Lana

Getting killed or mutilated in dreams is usually a sign that something is bothering you so much, it's keeping you from being yourself and/or growing to your full potential. I have a very mild form of DID too, and I've dreamed of being killed a few times too.

Schools are a place of learning, so in dreams they symbolise learning. So I'd say this dream was a BEG from your subconscious to become aware of what's bothering you, and to solve the issue. From the fact that your friends were killed too, I'm guessing you're feeling lonely, misunderstood and/or isolated? Maybe you're not ready to admit it, but something is clearly "off" in your social life, or the way you perceive it?

What's important is what this Dylan figure might impersonate. Because that's what's killing/hurting you in your waking life, though you may not be aware of it. Maybe he represents your self-injury habits subconsciously still on your mind. Since he asked if that's how you want it. Perhaps this was just your subconscious' way of dealing with these traumatic events..

Also, can you provide me with the colourscheme of your dream? This would help me greatly.

As far as I can remember there was a lot of red and blue. I remember seeing an awful lot of blood, and I know I was wearing blue pants and a black bra. Dylan was wearing a very dark blue (almost black) hoodie and blue jeans. I think he was roughly 25-35 years old although that gets fuzzy. The rest of the colours were incredibly muted, so there was grass, but it looked more dirty brown than green. Another thing that came back to me which doesn't seem to make much sense or hold any significance but I remember wearing a top hat when I was in his house.

I do have a habit of obsessing over certain people, and I can see this being vaguely attached to my current romantic interest, who more or less runs hot and cold with me on a regular basis.

Thank you so much for everything so far. It's at least given me something to think about and focus on, seeing as this dream has had me freaking out all day.

Hmm, blue is the colour of the throat chakra, often connected to the voice and vocal abilities. So I'd say this is you trying to speak up (literally or figuratively) about the way this person is treating you ("playing" you, from what I can tell), the mutilation being a visual representation of how that makes you feel deep down?

The Top Hat makes me think of sophistication, so I think it means that no matter how sophisticated your mask is, you can't escape your true feelings about this event/person.

Underwear tends to mean emotional nudity/vulnerability. This person is simply taking advantage of this (consciously or unconsciously) to hurt you.

Firstly do you watch many horror films, tv shows or violent games?
If anything id say its just a result of your recent break up and past relationships, you say you like some dominance and probally have some thoughts about it now and again, and since you work in a hardware store something from there was bound to pop up. I wouldnt read too much into it if i was you, you've been through a hard time now your mind is just letting go of any destructive or expected thoughts you had during and after your relationship. You say you suffer from depression but stopped taking your medication, which will or probably already has affected you. Nightmares like this are mostly due to stress and disturbing thoughts, you will be fine again before you know it.
Remember not to take peoples interpretations too seriously, the only one who can ultimately interpret it is you. Though it seems unlikely to me theres a hidden message or anything you need to learn from this dream, its just your mind letting go and releasing all that bad energy, better it does in a dream than in real life hey? Take care.

You say you have cut or hurt yourself before. I'm thinking Dylan was not someone outside your own psyche that you were dreaming about. I think he was a part of you, THE part of you that you bring up when you think of hurting yourself. I think your dream was trying to show you what you have done to yourself in the past, and are in danger of doing again. The part of you that was crying and taking all the pain was your physical body, or a part of your subconscious mind that controls your physical pain. Think back to the times when you have hurt yourself and try to recall how you felt then, emotionally. Try to recall the emotion or whatever desire it was that made you want to do it. Now think of the present, and compare then to now, and see if those emotions are resurfacing. I think the dream was a warning, a part of you telling another part of yourself that if you go into hurting yourself, what kind of pain you really go through, and what your body suffers when you hurt yourself like that. Just be careful, keep yourself in check, and reflect your emotions. Don't let yourself revert back to that point. Also, try not to dwell on your past relationship. It's possible that you ended up in that relationship because it was a way out for you to forget/ignore the emotion that makes you want to hurt yourself. I think it's possible that you are still tied to that relationship emotionally because deep down you don't want to be alone again, you are afraid of hurting yourself. It sounds like the relationship itself was a way of converting your physical pain into emotional pain. You are young, you have lots of time to find the right guy. Don't jump into something because it makes you feel like its taking away the desire to hurt yourself physically. There are lots of guys out there who are very loving and will make you feel very special in this world, take that painful emotion away from you and support you the way a good man should :) Good luck and I hope this helps...