Lucid turned to Nightmare? Even I am confused. +intro
I guess to get the best help for this I should tell a little about myself. My name is Andrew, I'm 18 and live in Oklahoma. I am going to college in Colorado in the fall to study psychology. My LD experience is splotchy. When I was 15 I got into it, read all i could find on the internet, had a few lucids then got distracted and left the subject. I started up again exactly a week ago. I've read pretty much everything the internet has to offer, and a couple of books on the subject. I do reality checks all day, meditate, focus on awareness, dream journal bah blah. I went into this knowing that the only thing to fear is fear itself. I even visualize myself vanquishing demons and the scariest possible characters I can in meditation to prepare myself just in case. I guess you should never underestimate the subconscious mins's ability to know the most f***** up things that get to you. Alright here goes:
went to bed at 10:30 woke up and 1:30 and went back to bed. The entire first part of this dream is fuzzy due to the second half, so I'm not sure if I was fully lucid.
I am walking around a giant college campus and become lucid. I realize I am in a towel and expect to be wearing clothes and sure enough I am clothed in exactly what I want. I start exploring and find a newsstand to walk around. The dream characters begin to look at me weird so I walk away, looking behind me as I do so to make sure none of them follow me. I go into the giant school and possibly do something before I end up in a room with some friends from high school. I decide that I want to ride a roller coster, so I expect to see one on the other side of a door that is in front of me. I open the door and outside is a man with a cart like the ones used at airports to carry luggage. "Is that the roller coaster?" I ask, to which the man responds "No, it's down there." I look down a hallway and and see the building open up to reveal one of those roller coaster that you sit in and dangle your legs from. I hop on, along with some friends from high school and strap in. The roller coaster feels real, however I remember thinking that it was duller than real life. During this time I also feel connected to my "real" body. I decide that I want the roller coaster to go into outer space, "see" it going there, and sure enough we start drifting into space. It feels amazing, but I believe that I lost lucidity at this point at least slightly. We crash land on a planet and I remember expecting that I could breath in space and that I had telekinesis so I could push the wreckage off myself. Then I fade into full dream state as the x-men arrive to save us. They get us back to earth and almost take off without me. I grab on to the back of a truck as it takes off but have no strength to pull myself up. I expect to be strong and immediately pull myself in. I decide that I want to see an old crush from high school, so I am surprised when I arrive at my best friends house. I go along with it and walk inside(I really don't know if I was lucid or not at this point. I honestly just think my dream self thought he was lucid) I walk inside and see my friends mom sitting in her usual chair and ask "Where is she?" excitedly. She points to the kitchen and I am surprised to see one of my exes cooking. She looks good so I try to kiss her but she refuses. I then decide that I want to wake up so I can write this dream down. I remember thinking "Best Lucid Dream ever!"
This is where it gets freaky. My first false awakening type experience. Any Lucidity I was holding onto was let go of as I thought I wad entering the waking world. So this part was just a dream, a vivid, messed up dream.
I wake up in my bed and grab my dream journal to write down my dream. It looks weird and I can't write correctly but I don't even notice. I leave my room and see my dog who runs to me. Everything was very happy at this point. I go into the kitchen where my stepdad is and start getting some food. He starts yelling at me and starts a huge dramatic fight. I run out of the kitchen into a room where my sister and cousin are. I franticly throw something out of anger(very unlike me) and immediately feel ashamed and apologize for it. I leave that room and run into my mom. I ask her if she heard what he was saying to me and this is the worst part, I remember it so well. She looks at me and says "Drew, I know you've been trying to kill me. We saw the gas levels in the house." It was like a movie. I felt sick and just started bawling. Everyone in the house surrounded me and if they were saying anything I could't hear it because I was crying hysterically on the ground saying "I don't even know what that is! I swear I don't know what you're talking about." I woke up sweating and freaked out. I never have dreams like that... and it was only 3:30...
In Robert Waggoner's lucid dreaming book, he says that whenever you stop directing your focus in a Lucid dream unexpected things start to happen. So maybe since I thought I was awake and stopped directing my focus, my subconscious just took over. However, why such an emotional situation? The only thing I could think of is that my subconscious has a sick sense of humor or maybe trying to shock me to lucidity. I mean I have had family problems in the past, but everything is resolved now. I just wasn't expecting that kind of horror, my first thought upon awakening was "Maybe I should't be messing with my subconscious." After being awake for a few minutes the fear went away. Any other views will be extremely appreciated. Thanks
