Keep on having dreams of my ex

Hey all, lately I've been having dreams of my ex even though we broke up about a year ago. A bit more now. However the way we broke up wasn't exactly the best way... long-distance relationship so we broke up over the internet and lots of stupid messages have been sent and she was cold as can be.

I wonder why, do I miss her? Also lately I've been wanting to talk with her again, but I don't think she'll respond positively or not even at all if I tell her that I want to clear some things up.

What do I do?

Well, I can only talk from experience. After being dumped by a girl I was deeply in love with (twice in a month) I started dreaming about us being together and happy all the time. Sometimes we'd be pissed at each other and she'd make out with guys in front of me to make me mad. It was pretty painful, both variables. It was like that John Mayer song says: "When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part."
I am completely over that now. We haven't spoken in over a year, but I started seeing her in my dreams again occasionally. It was never something too significant, just little "cameos". For example, I'd be visiting my home city and meeting with my old friends and she'd be there looking at me like "Haven't seen you in a long time, hot shot.", and then we'd probably have trivial conversation.
I also felt like contacting her again (I didn't though, and I don't think I will), just to talk about some stuff. Actually I don't miss what we had, I just miss talking to her. She had a way to make me feel certain about my decisions.
We too ended things in a nasty way. A lot of stupid messages were sent. However, I don't think it's gonna do anything for me to try to mend anything because I fell in love with a dream that I built of her, not HER.

My opinion is that you feel like you haven't gotten proper closure yet. That doesn't mean you are not over her, just that the way things ended left a sour taste in your mouth. Try to evaluate how much the relationship meant to you, and act accordingly to what feels right. You can't control how she will react, but you can at least be true to yourself and act upon your desire to settle some things.

I hope this helps, somehow!

When we dream of someone else it is because we need to think or reflect on the qualities or character traits that person represents to us. It could also suggest that you will possible get involved in the near future with someone like the ex and is that a good or a bad thing? Would you want history to repeat itself. Think about it and think twice before involving one self in a long distance relationship (that is the outstanding thing of note about this one). The dream does not mean you will make up with her, it's more a reminder for you to think about WHY it didn't work out so it doesn't happen like that again.

Thanks a lot both of you! Your opinions shed a lot of light on my situation. I still can't decide what I want to do for myself. And that's exactly what my ex made me feel like Lean haha. I gotta make myself feel that way, which proves to be hard at times.

And I would mind history repeating itself, this girl was damaged. A relationship would be nice, but with an emotionally stable person this time lol. Thanks you two. :content:

Thing that helped me was i quit having emotions related to love, harmony with another person or whatever you want to call it.
but thats not a solution for everyone, as you might become a bit dull and unsensitive to other people.

I had a really hard time for a girl.
Things developed so far that i spent time with her everyday, she called me her best friend (friendzoned, who doesnt know the feel), but i always wanted more. i thought what would a girl like her want with a guy like me. she never showed interest and kept dumping me.
one day i started heavy drug abuse and had myself to hell and back because of her. She knows that but never cared in any way as to apologizing or even trying to make things better.
i quit contact with her to get over her but somehow we always found eachother again, but she was cold as can be, guess it was like in your case.
Some weeks ago i started messaging her again and invited her to my house , she came, had a fun time, but it was obvious i couldnt do anything about the situation, no not that i didnt try, but she stated her point clearly so i knew there wouldnt be anything happening.

i sent a LOT of stupid messages to make her hate me as much as she can to prevent any further contact in any way. seems stupid but worked for me. couldnt live with all the pain when shes around or even when there is a chance to meet her again, which wouldve been hopeless like stalingrad :P
i fell into my old patterns again as to having no emotions like love and so on, and im doing great without them.

Thought i'd share. think about it, feelings like that are dangerous, but thats my opinion.

i wish you the best and luck to repair things as far as possible :)

greetings

garf

I think a girl that is emotionally unstable had to have gone trough a lot of pain to get there, what she needs is reassurance, but that takes a lot of work to give, so if you're not up for working for it then save both of you a lot of headache and let go, don't look for her, pain heals over time, everyone moves on eventually.
Being someone's best friend is not a bad thing, if anything its the best thing that a relationship can survive on, you can truly be yourself with your best friend, u think of friends in the same thought area as fun and good times, ad opposed to gf/bf being in the same thought area as always trying to compromise and hard work...

But to your dream, the only people I ever dream of are the ones that I miss very much...

I know what you're going through. For me it's been 4 months, but recently I started dreaming of my ex more frequently the past week. I know I don't want to be with her again because of the hurt, so having dreams of your ex's doesn't always mean you want them back. My theory for my dreams is that my mind and soul don't want her back, but my body does since the body has a need for security. The security came from having another person to be with, but if I got with her I wouldn't be happy because I would think about the situation. Maybe it's the same for you... You were probably used to being with her, but you might be too hurt to make it work. I would recommend meeting new people first before trying to patch it up with your ex. If the other people don't work out then maybe you're dreaming about her for a reason.

Thank you all for your positive comments! That's awful garfield, and I've also sent a lot of stupid messages to her hahaha I feel like an idiot about it though looking back. But I guess it's the best way to go about it in certain cases. Love your stalingrad metaphor btw lols.

Oivyo, yes I couldn't give her that at the time. And I still can't... but honestly I think no one can give HER reassurance. I guess I don't miss her as much as I miss 'it'.

I like your theory warriorof, where you describe that your body wants that person and feeling back for need of security. I'm sure we feel the same way about it. And I won't ever get back with her, it's just that dreams are bothering me... well I did dance with some girls last time I went to a bar but I never got any numbers haha. At least I'm trying! I see guys who just stand around all night in the same spot haha. ::panic:

Exactly, Athylus. At the end of the day WE are responsible for our own happiness. ONLY WE! We cannot depend on somebody else to make us feel satisfied with life, and we cannot blame other people for our suffering forever. It's very difficult to actually accomplish this, but I don't want to stop trying.
I believe that only when I'll feel whole as an individual and happy about where I stand in life, I'll shine so brightly that "The One" will see me for who I really am and who I really want to be, and then it'll be love like in the old days.
I don't know if I believe in the whole "girl shows up in the middle of the worst period of your life and turns it all around for you" scenario.

... What was the dream?

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Originally Posted by Leanbb

Exactly, Athylus. At the end of the day WE are responsible for our own happiness. ONLY WE! We cannot depend on somebody else to make us feel satisfied with life, and we cannot blame other people for our suffering forever. It's very difficult to actually accomplish this, but I don't want to stop trying.
I believe that only when I'll feel whole as an individual and happy about where I stand in life, I'll shine so brightly that "The One" will see me for who I really am and who I really want to be, and then it'll be love like in the old days.
I don't know if I believe in the whole "girl shows up in the middle of the worst period of your life and turns it all around for you" scenario.

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I totally agree with you there. Everything you said. I'm actually at the point where I'm just getting closer and closer to the realisation of finding happiness in myself, and my own actions. Be happy with yourself, and don't let somebody else make you happy because that is just a recipe for disaster.

Also then that girl would've shown long time ago if that were true indeed, it's just a bad excuse for not doing anything about your own problems in my opinion and that's just gonna bring you even farther down.

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Originally Posted by Multivoxmuse

... What was the dream?

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Let me take my dream journal...

'Linda is here again, we're downstairs at night sitting at the dinner table. She's smiling at me, I smile back. I don't feel happy, but not sad either.'

'I'm lying down on the bed, and she's playing a game on the xbox. I'm waiting for her to come lie down with me, but she doesn't and I fall asleep.'

Most critical parts, there's some other stuff written in there which describes minor details so I left that out.

"Sitting at the dinner table".....means you're being presented with a choice...your actions show being neutral
You're "lying on the bed" suggesting being receptive to intimacy and "she's playing a game".....I would take that literally
Next time give all the details, lots of times critical clues are in the details of the dream...
Remember the dream is usually always speaking in parables and symbols (unless a prophetic or psychic dream)..

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Originally Posted by Athylus

I totally agree with you there. Everything you said. I'm actually at the point where I'm just getting closer and closer to the realisation of finding happiness in myself, and my own actions. Be happy with yourself, and don't let somebody else make you happy because that is just a recipe for disaster.

Also then that girl would've shown long time ago if that were true indeed, it's just a bad excuse for not doing anything about your own problems in my opinion and that's just gonna bring you even farther down.

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I wanna share this John Mayer song with you. It has calmed me down lots of times. I especially like the part that goes like:
"And now I'm walking in the park, and all of they birds, they dance below me. Maybe when things turn green again, it will be good to say you know me."
I like that feeling of sad hope. Sad hope is good, because it's still hope.
Take care brother ;).

EDIT: I still can't post links, but if you search "John Mayer - In repair" you should be able to find it no prob.

I'll listen to it now, thanks. :)