talking to my 3 year old self

Hello! :) I had this dream 2 years ago, but it has stayed with me since... I would like to share it, in order to perhaps get an exterior point of view.

A little background info: I'm an 18 year old girl, so I had this dream at 16, during the summer Holidays. I live in France since I'm 7, and when I had this dream I was waiting for the results of my baccalauréat, which is the french exam students take at 16 and 17.

So it started in a little shop, where a man was selling pine tree branches for some ridiculous price - like 21 or 27 €. I was with my parents and friends of my parents. My mother, who is very fond of plants and who often buys some, said she would like one, but my father said they were too expensive. The man selling them explained that these pine trees were very unusual though, because they brought childhood memories back. The friend of my parents smelled one and agreed, but I said that to me, the smell didn't brink back childhood memories but rather the Landes. The Landes is a region in France where there are a lot of pine trees. I said that not only did the pine tree branches remind me of the Landes, but also of my best friend of the time Jessica, since she used to live in that region, and the only times I had ever been there was when I visited in her summer house.

So then the dream shifted to a bird's eyes view of a small road going through pine trees - put me in mind of a movie shot. On the road was a car. I didn't ever dream of being in the car, but my dream went directly to when we (again, my parents, their two friends, and myself) arrived. It was a house that was very typical of where I used to live in the french countryside, in the Lot (at the time of the dream, I had already moved to the city 3 or 2 years ago). There was a lot of charm to the house - it was an old, stone house that had a "u" shape, with I believe blue shutters and pink flowers on the windows (geraniums I think). An old woman came out, in a dress that, again, was very typical of old women in the Lot. We tell her that we're just admiring, and she answers something like (in french) "as long as it's not stealing". Then she guides us through her garden. It felt like it had just rained. Everything was very beautiful, very green. There was a kingfisher - again, this image felt more like a movie or a tv show scene. There was a little yellow frog too. I was taking pictures with a white camera.

Then the old woman walks through a green pond - there's something kind of "fairy like" about the pond. We follow her. She tells us we're probably going to witness something very rare: little bugs that will jump on us. I say I don't like bugs and point to a blurry yellowish starfish form at the bottom of the pond and ask her if it's a bug. She answers "no" with an expression that says "you're in for a surprise". The yellowish starfish shape gets closer to the surface of the water and resembles a monkey. When it gets out of the water, it's a beautiful little blonde girl in an orange stroller. She has two identical stuffed animals, one big and one small (those sock monkey stuffed animals).

Then for some reason there's a door that leads to a room at the end of the pond, which I go into and then come out of. I don't remember that part at all. When I come out, I am alone and I go to the little girl. At this point, the little girl is clearly myself at age 3. I will add that I had the same stroller, that the sock monkeys are something I link to my childhood in New York and that as a child, I had blonde hair (after the dream, the blonde hair was what was most memorable about the girl). There was something a little sad about her - like she was lonely, and I had the impression she was sort of "handicapped", like stuck in the stroller - she was "special" in some way, a little different from the children of her age. She says I am nice, and then asks me if my friends are nice. I am generally awkward with children and I don't know how to answer the question - I answer some are and some aren't (at the time my group of friends had fought, and i was forced to choose between one side and the other. At this point, even though I had already chosen sides, I still had doubts.).

Someone behind laughingly says that's not an answer. I follow the person out another door, which leads to some kind of balcony that looks down upon a table in a big, dark room. Around the table are three people that are deciding who is taken and who isn't in some kind of literature school: my french teacher and another teacher he is always with (they have curlers in their hair ^^) and a skinny woman I don't know are the "jury". They are going through names. There are two piles: one "yes", and one "no". Everyone so far has been put in the "no" pile. The skinny woman reaches her own name, and puts herself in the "yes" pile with a smile, exchanging a knowing smile with the two other teachers, but without debating as they had with the others. They reach my name, talk about it a little, and put me in the "yes" pile. I cry "I can live! I can live" and roll around on the floor. My last thought is that I should go and see the little girl, then I wake up.


I'm sorry for making this so long, it's just that I remember it so vividly, and I'm not really sure which details count and which ones don't. I know that the dream is very linked to my stress about the exam - especially in the last part - but still, I feel there is something else to it, although I can't figure it out... The part that was most striking to me was when I talked to myself as a little girl...

the conversation with yourself at age three is indeed quite a striking part of this dream. I think it may be inviting you to look at yourself from a different perspective: look at your past self from your present point of view, while also looking at your present self from a past point of view. I think that is often a good exercise. :) When one looks at oneself that way one can see whether one has improved in one's own view over the years, where you are developing the way you want to.

Asking yourself whether your past self would have approved of you is a way to maybe realize some flaws in self that your present self may be missing because of being too much absorbed in the moment. I think it is a good sign that your three year old self say that you are nice. :) I think this may be like saying that my past self would approve of who I have become.

However, the question about are your friends nice is very striking: one possible reflection out of it is that maybe your friends are not nice because they make you choose sides in a feud which you are not comfortable with. Your three year old may be was lonely and had trouble making friends, but did not have this kind of dilemma of having to choose sides, and maybe your three year old dream self is saying that that change was not for the better, that maybe it is sometimes not good to have the kind of friends who fight among themselves. Now would it be better to be lonely without friends, or is it better to have friends some of whom are not nice and who force you to choose sides. I think this may be a question you are asking yourself here.

The other thing that is striking is that you see your past self as "special" or handicapped, maybe stuck in the stroller. You do not approve of some aspect of your former self or you feel sorry for her in some way. Being handicapped symbolically may be a sign of not being able or allowed to do things other kids are able to do, or things that your present self is able to do but you realize your past self was limited in some ways. She was stuck in that stroller: not free to move/to do what she wanted/to reach her full potential? her loneliness is certainly one way in which she may have been special / different from other kids / misunderstood perhaps / awkward around kids even then?

Also the fact that your present self is awkward around kids may be causing the three year old dream self to appear handicapped - that may be a reflection of your just not being comfortable around kids because there is something wrong with them or wrong with you in your mind / something "special" but you don't know what. Your three year old may also be stuck in the stroller because you may be uncomfortable around a child who moves too much, so to put yourself at ease in the dream you put the kid in the stroller and keep her there to make her less intimidating to you - to put you at ease in a way.

Because of your French exam you may have been anxious for the results. Perhaps the test was made out to be very difficult, and some of the questions may ave been hard for you. As far as I know, a student's future is determined by how well they score on these test.

The magic pines can represent the Pineal gland, which secretes melatonin which helps us sleep. In some believes the glad is also responsible for psychic abilities, but I don't believe this. It might have been a way to tell you to relax. Also, it can simply represent a seed for growth. What will you do if you succeed/ fail on this test? The old lady is wisdom, basically telling you that no matter what things will work out. The bugs represent anxiety, and this the old lady told you to face your fears. The lake that was like a fantasy is your dreams coming true. You may have felt so anxious about the test that you thought your dreams were fantasy.

THe dream of the 3 year old you means many things. First, it's a revaluation of your goals. Perhaps as a child you had certain goals or dreams. The baby being restricted in the wheeler was a way of saying your desires are hold you back, because of your anxiety of your test maybe you felt your dreams won't come true if you score badly. The baby asking you about your friends being nice might have been your way of expressing how you felt about your friends. Maybe some of them were making fun of you for your anxieties. The voice called you out on your answer saying it was insufficient. Getting the ticket that said "yes" means that somehow you knew you passed the test, and you would have a decent future.