I had a dream the other night that made a big impression on me; I felt that it was an important message but of course I really can't read it. What's puzzling is that the dream appears at this point in time, I would not have been puzzled (in the same way) had it appeared a couple of years ago. If anybody could share some thoughts for me to work with I would be thankful.
The dream
It’s at work, but it looks nothing like it. I walk in a corridor with something disgusting in my mouth; it makes me nauseated. I’m walking fast to get to some place where I can spit it out.
I meet my boss. He follows me, there is something he wants to tell me; as always he is in a good mood. I try to show him that I’m in a hurry and can’t talk right now, but he keeps following me closely through the corridor. I turn left and left again. There’s a room here, quite ordinary, as for workers rather than for clerks (I work at an office). I would have preferred a toilet but can’t hold it back any more. I spit it out and then I throw up.
I’m on the inside of the doorstep and my boss on the outside. I try to puke in a black thing that looks like a vase to not make a too big of a mess. (The vomit is almost like water and puking is in itself not too disgusting.)
I’m down on my knees while doing this, and my boss is squatting in front of me. He says nothing, seems not to care about me puking, rather makes a funny remark that I missed the vase a little there. This feels very supportive.
When I’m done he puts his hands on my shoulders, leans forwards and says very low and sincere:
“Do not change ... we need you like you are.”
We rise. Once again, he is in a great mood as he usually is, with his suit on as always. I feel a little better, but need to throw up once more. I see my winter shoe, which I didn’t have on me but which apparently is here, in the vomit. I take it out of there. I throw up once more. (It is not as disgusting or sickening as it sounds, more like turning on and off a tap.)
We sit at the table in this room. I write this dream down in my notepad. A colleague of mine comes in and sits down here. She is a young, nice and not unattractive woman. She is also happy, because she has just found out that she is pregnant. She says that she has been a little nauseous.
”Talking about nauseous”, I smile, and take a few steps into the room, throw up a little, and walks back to the table where I sit down again with my notepad. I see into the other room that two of my colleagues sit there in a sofa; once again it looks like a place where workers have their coffee breaks, rather than an office place.
There’s a thought that this room might be my office, that I can work here. That would be great, I would get a lot done here.
Some general remarks
I’m in the middle of a career change which I’m very happy about. My new boss (the one in the dream is the one in real life) is great and the colleagues too. I really feel that this is a step in the right direction for me. I would say that I have a mostly uncomplicated attitude towards the new demands and generally feel comfortable with my position right now. It's nonetheless a bit of a challenge because I need to develop new skills and use parts of my personality I haven't had the need to use before, so to speak.
This dream made a big impression on me. The words from my boss especially felt very important, and also very surprising because I do not feel that I’m changing myself right now, as I did a couple of years ago. I'm also puzzled by the "we need you as you are", that that is the reason not to change.
The last three or four years I’ve gone through changes, certain conditions at work forced me to take a look at myself and I discovered important things about my own psychology, regarding identity in particular. So I’ve gone through changes and grown as a person. But I feel that that is a process that is behind me (temporarily) and therefore my boss’s words at this point in time is very surprising.
Associations
At work for me, when the job place in the dream is nothing like the real work place, has a meaning of “inner work”. (And so the room is an "inner room", I get to it by turning left repeatedly.)
Having something disgusting in the mouth and throwing up means that there’s something in my body I can’t swallow, that I can’t digest.
My boss is at the same age as me, he is from another background than me, a good leader, a mentor, always in a good mood; I like him and I trust him.
To me “change” is something good; to go through changes is to grow, and to grow is to change. The last years I’ve changed, grown, through my experiences at work together with my inner work. I do not feel, however, that I’m going through changes right now, nor that I am trying to.
My winter shoe: When I changed direction in my career last year, I got some new clothes to better fit in the new role, for instance the shoe(s) in the dream. Being able to buy the clothes I needed was a fine experience, and I was very happy about the shoes, not the least since I got a very good price.
Writing down the dream. Of course, I do this in real life, and I usually use a notepad like the one in the dream when I can’t or won’t use a computer, for instance on the commuter.
The colleague is a nice, young woman who I’ve worked with a little bit in my new position. She doesn’t have children in real life. She once expressed admiration for my general knowledge, which made me a little embarrassed.
Pregnancy is the beginning of something new; a seed is planted and one day something extraordinary will grow from it.
The workers’ place. I have a working class background and my young adult life was a bit troublesome. In my later professional life I have felt the need to hide that; these days I work in an upper middle class environment. The room reminds me of my background.
Thanks for taking time reading, please don't hesitate to throw out some ideas.
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